Original subtitles

I've lived a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Genie, genie from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

Teeny, teeny from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right.

Teeny from down under.

I wished for one. Here's your toast. Light brown on the inside, white on the

outside, buttered to the edges, just the way you like it.

I'm very lucky to have a magic opal.

And I do try not to take it for granted.

And what sort of exotic look would Mamsel care for today?

Oh, I don't know. It's so hard to decide how I feel.

I can imagine. You must be exhausted.

I wish you'd show me some alternatives.

When one has a magic opal, one doesn't need to be bothered doing all those

tedious things that average people have to do.

That's it.

Now, you.

It's ridiculous.

I love my jeans, which holds the mundane side of my confidence.

Does Mamsel feel she's getting un petit lazy these days?

Lazy? Moi?

Don't be ridiculous.

If you're any larger, you'd be getting enough to do your breathing for you.

That's it.

That's the one.

Now, I wish you'd clean my teeth.

You see, I've got so much more time to concentrate on the important...

Did you get your own

breakfast? Good morning. You are a dear.

See, it was nothing.

Good morning.

Oh, what a beautiful day for the garden.

Mummy, you don't think I'm becoming a little obsessed with the garden?

You'd better be careful, otherwise you might turn into Australian.

Oh, really, darling?

She'll be right, mate. No worries. Oh.

You know it's Mother's Day next Sunday?

Yes. Wouldn't your mother be impressed if you gave her breakfast in bed?

Yes, sure she would.

It's ours, Conrad.

By rights, that apple is ours.

If we had it, we'd be having nothing but good luck.

Yes.

Hello.

I don't suppose this is where we sign on for the tour?

Ah, it certainly is.

But, of course, this is the busy time of the year for us. I knew we should have

signed up earlier. Oh, you should have. There's only six of us, but you probably

haven't got room for us all.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll just make an inquiry with my... Tireless

booking classes here for any cancellations. Trish?

Trish?

Trish!

Have any cancellations for the forthcoming outback experience?

How can there be any cancellations when there are no bookings?

You are very, very lucky people, aren't you? As it happens, I can fit the six of

you on the next tour.

Trish will sign you up. She is the tourist liaison officer.

Sign them up, Trish, for an experience they will never forget.

Well, they've certainly come to the right place.

Otto!

I've got an idea. I know how to get the opal off Penelope. Just look at those

two twins.

They gave me an idea.

Two opals. Get an identical opal. Trouble with hers. She will not know the

difference. Stupid idea, Conrad. Never worth it.

Come on, think about it. It'll work. All right, look, just leave the thinking to

me. Give the pen opal.

Hello.

I'm Rodney, Lord Accrington Smythe. You look familiar. I'm trying to get to

town's dowry.

Ah, well, you've come to the right place, Your Highness. Just so happens I

one first -class seat available on the next tour. Oh, capital!

What's the difference between first -class and second -class?

You get a cushion in third.

Oh, do I? You look like you're enjoying yourself.

I really feel like I'm getting in touch with the earth. Yes, I can see that.

I wish we had some visitors.

Go stop, mate. Town's down.

Not bad, only four chucks is gone.

A bucket, Trish.

Lucky I went first. No worries. Might look after a satisfied customer,

I'm not a worshipper. I'm a human being.

I don't believe it.

Hello, Diana.

Bubbles, what on earth are you doing here?

I was just passing by, so I thought I might drop in.

Oh, dear.

So I just couldn't stop thinking about you. You know how I feel about you,

Diana. Then it suddenly occurred to me, I was sitting around with a bunch of

other chaps, being completely and utterly... Open. Well, open, yes, open.

About how feelings, trying to get in contact with my inner chap, and then it

struck me, actions speak louder than words. So I've come all the way to

Australia, Diana, to tell you that I'm prepared to meet you halfway.

Halfway would be India bubbled.

I don't know about any of you, but this to me is hell on earth.

I don't think they're happy all right. And that man, that monster.

Don't worry about it, Trish. They love me.

Besides, they've already paid for it. You can say that again.

Besides, they've already paid for it.

You get it?

Sleep tight, Miss Penelope.

And don't forget, Mother's Day the day after tomorrow. I hope you've got your

mother a nice present.

Of course I haven't.

Don't worry.

Good girl.

Good night.

Good night.

What did you get for your mum?

Well, I haven't actually got it yet, but there's no rush.

I'll think of something and then you can get it for me.

Now, I wish to fall into a deep sleep immediately and wake up at exactly 8

.45am, not a second before or after.

And I wish to dream about being on a desert island.

I didn't think being a chain could be this boring, Dad.

Oh, some days you get to magic up a medieval castle or a volcano.

Or even a giant squid in somebody's underpants.

At the moment, we're just going through a bit of a dull patch.

We're disturbing him, Baz. He's obviously very busy.

Well, I suppose you must be wondering why I was in Penelope's room then.

OK,

I just want to... Blank. We were just trying to explain. I know, you must be

wondering. I'd be wondering too, you know. Take me there.

Playing practical jokes on Miss Penelope at this hour of night.

Off you go, out. I was just talking to Bruce and Beth.

Oh, come along.

I reckon I might get a bit of shut -eye.

Touch a few zairs, hit that snooze button. You know, that apple doesn't

you, if you know what I mean. I know what you mean. You're going to bed.

Oh,

where

did you two come from? Now, shh.

Lord Accrington's noise resting in there.

I wish he was up and about again.

No! Please don't put me back on the bus. I'm allergic to autos. I promise I'll

be good.

No more bus.

All right, Your Lordship. Everything's going to be fine.

Now let me tuck you in. No more bus.

Conrad. I'm a genius.

Look. The opal. But how did you... I almost had it, but you took it off me.

Well, I took it off her.

Remember what I want. I don't get it.

I'd love to buy the Leicester Opal's back where it belongs.

When our ancestor, Hans von Leicester, owned this, he was rich.

This is our lucky charm.

Mark my words.

Our luck is going to change.

I don't believe it.

They're late.

Bruce, Bath, I wish you were here right now.

Mother's Day tomorrow.

I hate the way these things sneak up on you.

You're the ladyship's favorite cake with chocolate. Would you like a cake?

No, thanks.

I had a deepened oven to cook it in.

Well, never.

Wish I had a degree in physics to work the thing.

I had to come with the oven. A degree in physics.

Whatever will they think of next?

What am I going to do about Bobbles?

He's come all this way to spend the day with me.

He wants to share his deeper thoughts with me.

You won't need a whole day to do that.

Why aren't you obeying me?

You're supposed to obey my every command. I've been wishing myself silly

there. Why haven't you been granting any of my wishes?

Well, I haven't heard you make any wishes.

Maybe the opal doesn't work anymore.

the magic's just run out.

I wish you'd bring me my tea and toast.

Sorry, mate.

You're going to have to help yourself.

This is one of your tricks, isn't it?

Son, how much magic's in that opal?

Absolutely.

gone. I'll have to do everything myself.

That's about the size of it.

It's a great day for the Thorn Moisties, Conrad.

Everything's going to be on me up and up.

You've never had two flecks before?

You're very brave wearing that.

Opals are supposed to be bad luck, aren't they?

Bad luck? A friend of mine had an opal. He was killed by a falling meteorite.

What happened to anyone?

After he'd been hit by a bus.

Honestly and truly, you hang around with a pack of losers.

This just happens to be a very lucky opal.

to spend the day together, but... Maybe a couple of days, Diana. I can't tell

you how much I'm dreading getting back on that beastly bar.

Please help us.

We're having a terrible trip, and we need a spokesman.

Diana, I'm afraid I won't be able to spend the day with you.

These people need me.

Sometimes a chap has to do what a chap has to do.

Are you going to make a Mother's Day card for tomorrow?

Yes, it's going to be very special.

That'll be your ladyship's cake.

I wish I could rely on that self -raising flower.

Oh, you declare the wonders of modern science.

I thought I told you to check the spares. I thought you were going to

spares. If I'd have checked the spares, I both wouldn't have been flat, would I?

It must have been you who didn't check them.

Anyway, no matter.

Any minute now, our luck is going to change.

I can feel it.

Excuse me.

My fellow Samaritans and I would like to give you some feedback regarding the

von Meister Outback experience.

You're right, mate. Keep your compliments.

No worries. It's enough for us just to see the smiles on your dials. Right,

comrade? That's right.

We are unhappy with the catering, the accommodation, the transport, the lack

air conditioning in the bus, the lack of suspension underneath the bus, and as

for your personal habits, we find them quite disgusting.

Your body odour makes you feel sick and your language and general attitude leave

a lot to be desired.

You must land truly. You lot take the clank for sheer whinging.

Whinging? I can assure you there is nothing wrong with my attitude.

Now, apart from what you said, has anyone got any genuine compliance?

Say? I don't think last night was long enough. The nights are much shorter than

they are in England.

You just don't get your money's worth as far as sleep goes.

Right. And your food.

It's hardly fit for human consumption. I mean, it's worse than what we get home

in England.

Oh, I'd better gutful. I'm Jackie, you lot.

Trish, come here.

Now, Trish is in charge of the whinge and pom department.

I see faith department.

Look to her. Shut up and do it.

You fine?

How's it going, pet?

I've been trying to make a mother's day card. I can't seem to get it. Right.

What's the big deal about Mother's Day?

Oh, it's just important.

You're supposed to do nice things so your mummy knows you love her.

Well, I love your mum more than Dad.

Don't you, Dad?

Well... We could give you a hand.

But I don't have the magic powers anymore.

Oh, we can still help you without it being magic, right?

Right.

You think about music. Come on, Pen. We can make a card that'll really impress

your mother.

What do you reckon?

We'll make her a real Aussie Mother's Day card. She'll love it.

Are you thinking about the opal?

And how much I've come to depend on it?

Hold out your hand, Ruth.

Final test.

You can hold it.

So the magic really is gone?

Look, Penny.

Magic's a really tricky business. It takes a long time to get used to it.

There we are.

We don't have to think about it anymore.

We're on the path now.

We want our house!

We want our house!

This isn't solving anything.

Let's just talk like civilized people.

Excuse me, I'm a lord and I'm British. How much more civilized can you get?

I'm Otto's representative.

Anything you want to say to him, you can say to me.

You want to kill him!

He's in there.

In you go, lad.

They've gone!

A chap can run, but he can't hide from justice.

hiding behind a bush.

There's no bush that bad.

You give them everything, but it's not enough. They want more.

Look what I found.

Yeah,

it's a phony.

Must have been the one I left with Penelope.

What? Well, I was supposed to know Mossop was going to spring me and get

real opal. But it's OK, because you got the real one off Mossop.

Mossop? I got this one off Penelope. When you took the opal off Penelope, did

you replace it with a phony one?

Of course I did. What do you think I am, stupid?

I thought you said it was a bad idea.

I said it was a bad idea for you. It was a good idea for me.

Why don't we take these two opals and ask Mossop if she wants to swap? You

two for one. What do you think?

Another stupid idea. It'll never work.

We've got the car fuel. It's great.

What do you think?

It's fantastic, isn't it? We've been up all night finishing it.

It's, uh, very bizarre.

Is that when she likes it, Dad?

Thank you very much.

But even if I did like it, I couldn't give it to Mummy.

It has to be something I've made.

What are you going to give her, then?

I don't know.

Penelope? Hello, Mummy.

Happy Mother's Day.

Oh.

I'm sorry I haven't got you a present, but I...

I'm just helpless.

Penelope. No, I am.

I should have had one for you.

You're the best mum in the world, and I do love you so much.

Oh, Penelope. This is the nicest Mother's Day present you've ever given

Oh, it's you, Mr. Meister. Please come in.

Miss, you've lost an hour.

I saw you looking particularly well this morning.

What do you want?

You know that opal I found in the corridor yesterday?

Oh, yes, I meant to give that bug to Mr Penelope. Oh, so you still got it? Yes,

right here.

Isn't that amazing? It's incredible.

What is?

Well, I was looking through the paddock and I found... Well, cut off my legs and

call me shorty. You never told me that. But look what I found in the shed last

night.

I'll be... Well, I'll be butted on both sides.

There's three of them. What is going on here?

Right now.

How dare you over here like this in my dining room?

I wish you two would just get out of here.

Is that so, eh?

You'll always see this girl drop on your head.

Get away, Gap.

On behalf of the oppressed tourists of the world, Oh, she too should nick off

back to Pommie Land.

We've got to say goodbye. We're going back to England. Bye -bye, Martha. Bye,

Diana. Bye -bye, Penelope.

All right, lads.

Let's move out.

Yeah, yeah.

But we'll be getting off too.

Oh, it's great to see you.

Penelope, wherever did you find it?

Oh, it's nothing. I knew you wouldn't like it. I tried. It's the most

extraordinary thing I've ever seen.

Likewise. That's why I hung it up.

Does that mean she likes it then?

Oh, yes.

It's quite superb.

In a naive, earthy kind of way.

It's a great work of art.

Well, you certainly won't take the opal for granted now.

But I, I don't have the real one.

Now I have nothing.

But look at the picture they made for mummy.

You can achieve something with nothing.

But you can achieve a lot more with a genie and a magic opal.

If you know the opal's magic.

I'm the genie. You're the master.

That's right.

I'm the master.

You're my genie. You belong to me. Yes.

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Genie, genie, from down under, make my wish come true.

Dream on.

Genie, genie from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right.

Genie from down under.