Original subtitles

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Genie, genie from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

I wish you'd do what I want you to. Oh, yeah, all right.

see that Mummy's just being nice to him? Not on my shoes.

I wish he'd just leave her alone.

I'll just go to the dam and check the pressure.

If only I had a half -decent genie, I wouldn't be stuck out here lying low.

His one redeeming quality is that he's mine.

Which is more than I can say for Conrad.

Not that I care, anyway.

He's hurt me too many times.

It's all over.

Well, it never really got started, but it's over anyway.

He's a thing of the past.

What are we doing?

We're spying, Baz, remember?

Spying? Yeah, I can do that. Shh, keep your voice down low.

I can do that.

I am in charge.

If you don't get out of the bus right now and start enjoying your holiday, I

will personally come in there and throttle the lot of yous.

The whole point of this tour is to get you out into the wide open spaces.

We're agoraphobic.

You know, we're afraid of wide open spaces.

I'm starting to get agoraphobic myself.

I warn you, I am not a violent man.

You're agoraphobic. You'll have to be very gentle with them. I am being

Her leadership studied psychology at Oxford.

Try not to draw attention to their condition.

Just because they're lonies doesn't mean I'm going to treat them any different

to anyone else.

Can we talk?

Yes, can we? It's very important.

It's so weird. I don't know how to say this.

Well, I have noticed you spying around the place.

There's a good reason for that, and I've been thinking about everything, and,

well, I think you know what I'm talking about.

Well, of course I do.

But maybe you should tell me anyway.

Well, I want to... No, you just think I'm stupid. Oh, no, I won't. I promise.

Go on. It's about Bruce.

Yeah, he's not normal. What?

Think about it. Have you ever seen him eat, drink, bathe or even attend to any

human bodily function?

Well, no, but I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation.

It escapes me right now. I reckon he's either a ghost, alien, warlock or some

sort of human or a robot like a Terminator.

Right. Well, he's not normal, is he? Bruce is normal in his own twisted way.

In fact, he's so normal, he's common.

And so common, it's scary.

There's something about Bruce that just doesn't gel, and I'm going to work out

what is the last thing I do.

Will you help me or not?

No.

Of course I will.

It's going to be very tricky.

I've got Baz watching him right now.

You've got Baz behind on his own father?

Yeah, he thinks it's a game.

I've got a feeling he'll be able to give me some valuable inside information.

All right!

If you don't want to die, you'll come off the bus in an idly manner.

We can't do it.

There's just too much room out there.

Look, it's tents, and they're not very big.

If you just get off the bus and move into these tents, it'll be one small

for man, but one huge step for man.

Okay, okay

We're in trouble.

Conrad suspects you're not human.

He's spying on you.

Don't worry, we know.

Baz is spying on Conrad.

But he's got Baz spying on you.

I'm a double agent.

You don't need to spy.

I might. If Conrad finds out what you are, he'll stop at nothing to get you in

his power.

He's already pumping Baz for information.

All part of the plan.

What confusion he was the truth.

The truth.

Relax, not about what we are.

A genie only reveals that to his master.

One of our three golden rules.

Rule one, obey a master. Rule two, only tell your master about your powers.

Wonderful, isn't it?

Never run with scissors.

I always forget that one.

Don't you wish there was some water in this dam?

Break the drought?

Give your mum a bit of water in the garden.

Yes, I suppose so.

Mossy, we're really worried about Bruce.

We've never seen him eat.

Of course not. He doesn't eat with us. We know that, Mossy, but Conrad has been

watching him closely and he thinks that he never eats.

So we're worried that he may be suffering from anorexia nervosa.

He looks very strong for someone who's starving.

Perhaps he's living in shame because he's living a lie. I mean, sure, he

healthy enough, but maybe it's just a cover -up.

to feel when he collapses and dies of starvation, leaving poor Baz a homeless

wife.

I'll bake him a shepherd's pie.

You could be saving his life.

But genies don't eat.

Yes, that's right.

Genies don't eat. That's why they don't... Yes, I know what you do and

don't do.

But everyone can be invited to lunch. And if you don't eat, then Conrad's

to be suspicious.

So you have to make it look as if you're eating.

But if I... And that's a wish.

Chicken pie. My favourite.

I can't get enough of it.

Arachnophobia.

Arachnophobia.

Arachnophobia. Thank you.

With people who are suffering from any sort of phobia, it's best not to talk

about it all the time. Don't make them feel abnormal.

Bruce, here's an extra large piece for you. I won't have anyone suffering from

nervous anorexia around here. What is it?

Not that you don't look normal.

Thank you, Bossy.

Shepherd's pie.

My favourite too.

Get into it.

More pie, Bruce.

Thank you.

But... Aren't you eating, Conrad?

Of course I am.

More for you, Buzz.

Yes, please.

I didn't say you ate that pie.

I haven't eaten that pie. No, the pie before. You are.

I didn't know you were watching.

I wasn't.

Well, that's why you didn't say it then.

More pie for you, my lady.

Really, Monty, I've had more than an adequate sufficiency.

Oh, and I think I'm full of the goo.

My goodness.

I don't know where you put it. You must have hollow legs.

Thank you.

Whoa, what's that?

What is it?

What was it? Oh, there it goes. There it goes.

Thank you.

That was delicious, Miss Mossop.

I'm really full.

Yeah, but I didn't actually see you eat anything.

Well, you've been so busy not actually watching me eat, I haven't actually seen

you eat anything.

I know what you're up to.

You're trying to make me look silly, aren't you?

Oh, I'm sorry. I insist on cleaning you up. Thank you.

I can wash myself.

No, but I insist.

No, thank you for your encouragement and support.

I can watch my film.

May I go with you?

To the bathroom?

I normally go alone.

But will you be using actual water?

I'll make that decision when the time comes.

This is very interesting.

When I was studying psychology, we would meet people with profound psychiatric

disorders and diagnosis.

More pie, anyone?

I am as full as a feck you're stocked. I reckon I could go one more for the

road.

Oh, look at you.

I just don't know what's getting into you, comrade.

Are you losing it?

How is acting insane going to get us the opal? Just listen to me, Oro. I want

something much bigger than the opal. What?

I can't tell you.

Look, he ate the pie. His pipe was empty, but I didn't see him eat any pie.

Just too tricky.

I'm thinking flowers here.

Perhaps a peach tree over there.

Oh, garlic.

Oh, yes.

I might put some vegetables out the back.

Scared of garlic, huh?

No, I'm not scared exactly. It just gives me gas.

Of course he's not a vampire.

He wouldn't be out in the sun if he was a vampire.

Cool.

And now for your enjoyment, we have scheduled the bush barbecue experience.

So would you please step outside?

It's called a bush barbecue because it happens in the bush.

It does not happen in a tent.

Can't you just pass us the food inside the tent?

Would you also like to do the bush hikes, the mountain climbing and the

inside the tent?

Could we?

a double agent.

Do you know what's even better than being a double agent?

What? A triple agent.

Well, triple agent, I can do that.

You keep spying on Conrad and your dad, but you're really working for me.

Right. Now listen carefully.

Conrad has gone over to the dam to try and catch your dad doing something weird

on camera.

Your mission is to get there first and warn him.

No genie stuff, no magic, just act normal, show up in film, and don't

No genie stuff.

No magic.

Act normal.

And disappear on film.

She said that?

Yeah, and don't tell anyone.

But now I'm a triple agent.

Whoa.

Now if he's a ghost, he won't show up on film. So I'll just... Bruce,

you're mine, pal.

You see?

He's way too light on his feet. Not even a footprint.

If Bruce is what I think he might be, we're on the brink of... nothing.

Bruce!

Conrad has just got a new camera, and he was wondering whether he might take

some candid shots of you both.

Just make sure you show up in all the photos, and that's a wish.

No worries, Ben.

Go for your life, Conrad.

I think this is my best profile.

Okay, do it.

Let her rip.

I now declare this irrigation system...

if the irrigation system is going to work.

Big smile.

Beautiful.

He's in every single photo.

He's even in the ones he wasn't in.

Look, he's even in the ones I took at Christmas at Surface Paradise.

Did Bruce go away with you at Christmas?

No, that's what I'm saying.

Flower on the floor.

Check.

Camera's ready.

Check.

Okay, Bruce.

If you're a ghost, you will not leave any footprints.

Right. Ready for you.

Here he comes.

What's going on, Pen?

You dusting for prints?

Mm -hmm.

Just make sure you leave footprints or else I'll make you suffer.

Understood.

Come on!

Sit here!

Don't be scared.

It's just flour. I'm not really a goat.

What's going on here?

He's making fun of me.

And disobeying me.

What?

Did I say disobeying? I meant dismaying me.

I don't get it with you.

You follow me everywhere.

You want to wash with me.

Take my photo.

Now you cover me in flour.

You don't think I'm a loaf of bread, do you?

I know I've got a magnetic personality, but... Okay, okay, so you're not a

cyborg, you're not a ghost, but I know you're something, and I'm on to your

insane act of being normal.

What do you think, Di?

Well, of course, he's completely normal.

But it certainly is very interesting.

How can you never eat, drink, bathe, blow your nose, or otherwise attend to

bodily functions?

He's very nervous, sir, about your personal hygiene, Benny.

Listen, Conrad...

If you'd like to, I'd be more than happy to. You think you're so smart, don't

you? But I'm on to you, boy, you pseudo -non -human. I'm not giving up until I

find your secret, and when I do, I'm going to expose you for what you are.

You want to play hardball? Fine.

Who can play a deck game?

Uncle?

Crocodile Otto, we've finished in here.

We'd like to go back to our tent.

Now, please.

Top secret, Baz. You're going to perform at Codex.

Codex.

Wow.

Phone's charged.

You ready, Baz?

Yeah.

It is normal.

It's all right, Conrad. We understand. We all understand. It's perfectly

Where are they?

At the end of Town's Ravine.

What are they doing out there?

Oh, Bruce, don't panic.

We'll save your little boy.

I can't explain. I don't know what happened. This apparition came out of

and picked us up and took us all the way out here.

Is Bruce there?

Tell me if you've got to send help or otherwise we're going to be eaten by all

these wild, wild animals, aren't we?

Yes, wild pigs, hungry savage boars, all these tusks.

And a big crocodile.

Yes, and this big... Look, never mind. Tell him he's the only one that can save

us now.

Oh, no, quick. They're attacking.

They're attacking.

This is it, Baz.

The ultimate test.

We're at least half an hour by car from the house.

And if your father comes to pick you up, as I suspect he will to save you from

this terrible death, then I'll know.

Then I'll have proof that he's not. Hi, Dad!

G'day, son.

Where's the killer pigs?

How did you get him?

We'll find those kids too.

Are you sure? It could get spacious out there.

Come on, get on.

Conrad!

Conrad! Are you here?

I'm sure they're here somewhere.

Conrad!

It's all right. I'm not scared.

There's no space over here.

There's no space over here.

Roy?

ways of knowing to think that someone's a rogue.

But when you see...

I must admit, I do feel a little bit sorry for Conrad.

But it just goes to prove that obsession can be dangerous.

Of course, he's right.

There is something very strange about Bruce.

Perhaps there's something strange about everyone.

There's so much happening in the universe that we'll never understand.

We just have to accept that.

Or else we end up like Conrad. We can't tell the difference between a rock and a

person.

I'm the genie. You're the master. That's right. I'm the master. You're my genie.

You belong to me. Yes.

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Genie, genie, from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

Genie, genie, from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Ah, yeah, all right.

Genie, genie, from down under.