Original subtitles

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand. Now your every wish is

my command. That's right.

Genie, genie from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

Genie, genie, from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right.

Genie, genie, from down under.

Dad, we're free!

Hey, Bubble, chewy on your mallet?

Oh, come on, Conrad, fair's fair.

Set it up. Right.

One,

two, three, four. Who do we marry for Diana?

Diana. Diana.

Hey,

champion of the world.

All right, Otto, your turn.

As you can see, Conrad's trying to lead his way back into my good books.

Of course it's not working. I just like to see him crawl.

What I'm really concerned about is my genie.

It's just not easy being a master these days, especially when one has a genie

like Bruce.

He's always twisting my wishes and disobeying me.

That's why he's being punished.

I've got him doing manual labour, manicuring the lawn.

Only three acres to go.

I hope we're learning our lesson, Bruce.

Being a master is such a dreadful responsibility.

Pull up!

I think you need to refine your downstroke, little old chap. Run along

there like a good boy, will you, please?

Moss up, little old chap.

You're short, darling.

Five,

six, seven, eight, hit the ball through the gate. Go, Penn!

You know, you've got a great little set -up here, Di.

It wouldn't take a lot of effort to turn this into a veritable tourism mecca.

You really think so?

I know so.

They came where I come from. They call me Crocodolido.

King of tourism.

Someone's got a tourism problem, they just call... Call the croc.

Spot on, Didi.

You know, I've been thinking of branching out.

Like Kanga.

Roo. Roo Murdoch.

What do you think of the idea of...

Crocodile on Eyes, English Outback Experience.

I think it has a certain... I think the idea speaks for itself, really.

Don't worry, darling.

Just give it your best shot.

It doesn't matter.

It's only a game.

Remember, winning isn't everything. It's how you play the game that counts.

Oh, she'd just make a wish we could have this chimney clean in a second, but no,

we have to do things the hard way, the human way. Watch out!

I think we got it, Dad.

I think you're right.

How's the manual labour coming along?

Great, Pennell, and this big, stabbing clump of soot up there, but we got it.

We feel really good about it, too.

I think it's cool.

Job satisfaction.

I'm so glad to hear that, because there's so much work to be done around

Blocked sewerage pipes, painting, mucking out the stable, spreading manure

the lawn, 16 fireplaces, the list just goes on and on.

Of course, if you promise not to play any more dirty double -crossing, low

conniving tricks on me, we could resume a normal working relationship without

the manual labour.

What if we ease up on the dirty double -crossing, but...

Keep a few low -down conniving treats.

It's all or nothing. Take it or leave it.

I'm sorry, Pet.

A genie's got to do what a genie's got to do.

I've got to think about Baz and the future.

It's a difficult decision, but I'm afraid we can't make any promises we

able to keep.

Oh, well.

Then I wish for you to clean up this mess.

With a toothbrush.

Attila the Hun was a better martyr than her.

The Roman slave boats were like a pleasant canoe trip compared to this.

She makes Genghis Khan look like a kindergarten teacher.

Yeah.

We've got to get back to Australia so we can be free.

Somehow we've got to get the opal off Penelope.

How are we going to do that, Dad? We can't even hold it.

We've got to get someone to carry it for us.

We can't afford to stay here any longer. We've run out of money, but we are not

going back till we get one Meister Opal.

It's a matter of honour.

Once we get that Opal, I'm really going to enjoy making that stuck -up, snooty,

toffing -nose, pompous, pommy princess suffer.

Don't you like Penelope?

Penelope who?

The Penelope with the Opal? What Opal? The Opal that belonged to your family.

Oh, that Opal. If you had the Opal, what would you do with it?

I've always wanted to open up a little museum where everybody could come and

take a squiz at the opal.

Wouldn't matter what colour or creed, they'd all have the chance to come and

check out the opal. And all the money we'd earn, we'd give to charity. We want

to free those children because our future's in their hands.

How are we going to get the opal off the balcony?

Yeah, right, that opal's welded to her neck. She never takes it off. If we

get the opal, would you, um...

Take it back to Australia?

Oh, mate, that is the very first thing we do.

Exactly.

Get a worker for charity as soon as possible and let's free those children.

I like where you're coming from.

And I feel that I can trust you. Yeah. Now, we want to get that opal back to

Australia too, but the problem is we can't touch it.

We're allergic to opals.

Oh, gee.

Yeah, it's a tragic thing.

Never mind.

Not to worry. We can hold it for you.

Won't harm us a bit, eh?

So how do we get it off Princess Penelope?

That's a long shot.

It's not going to be easy.

But if we stick together... Yeah?

I think we can pull it off.

Now, you know what we have to do?

Yeah, Dad. We have to take a chance and make a break for freedom.

We're a bit busy at the moment, mate. Yeah, we have to paint someone.

Actually, I was hoping that we could rather have a bit of a chat, sort of

to chap, so to speak, about women.

We're flat out at the moment, mate. Yes, I can see. I'll try and be quick. I

don't know whether you've noticed, but I'm still carrying a bit of a torch for

Lady Diana, but she doesn't seem to notice me. Maybe she'll carry a neon

instead of a torch.

The thing is, I was thinking of buying her an opal as a sort of token of my

affection. Well, you can't go wrong with an opal. Yes, but I've heard that they

bring bad luck, and I certainly wouldn't want any more of that.

Now, if you're going to get tourists coming here, you're going to have to

thinking activities.

You're going to have to get them here, and then you're going to have to keep

them here so you can bleed them dry.

You with me? Now I was thinking, maybe it should be something like an onyx.

do you think about onyx? Is that kind of... Semi -precious. Semi -precious?

yes, I think it should be. Now, I'm in this garden bed and I'm thinking, rip it

up. Rip it up. Light any concrete, slap on a bit of green paint and bring a mini

golf club.

Now, this glass house has had a stump.

Maybe a ruby or a sapphire or even an emerald. Well, emerald. That can be a

little gold mine.

I want you to imagine in the far corner over there a solar -heated sauna.

Then, of course, there's the... Keep up the good work.

That's ready.

Now I need to take these clothes down to the laundry before the paint dries. I

want that opal as well.

But I never take my opal off. Don't be ridiculous. It's filthy. Give it to me

now. Oh.

Mossy, don't throw me too much or I'll... Mossy, can I please have the

back? Look, my dear, just for once I wish you'd do as I ask.

I want you clean as a whistle and pretty as a picture.

What's the matter with everyone today? We're just being polite.

What I wish.

You keep your hands to yourself and get away now.

That's more like it.

Some people think I'm just a rich old bore.

Oh, Bubbles, you're not that old.

Exactly. Here, your ladyship, you'd better take this. You've got the opal in

your hand. Your every wish is our command.

I don't know what gets into that girl, but she gets so emotional about that

pendant. Oh, I do hope it's just a phase she's going through. I rather thought

she'd been settling down a lot, would be.

Mothers, darling, really, what's happening?

As a single parent, don't you wish your child was normal?

I wish that constantly.

No, look.

Diana, never be comfortable guiding.

No, she's a powerful figure. She's someone. Oh, I say, why don't you hear

Don't be a fool in your pen, you every... Milk!

Go, tea!

Where'd you come from?

Australia.

From one of the tours. How can I help you?

Explain. I'm heading for the back door downstairs.

I'll meet you there.

I'll be rich if you're on our wildest dreams.

I can hardly wait.

Don't you wish we were in Australia right now?

What?

Yeah, I'm on my way.

Good. I'll see you in a sec.

Stop. Keep the seat.

Sweetheart.

Give me back my opal.

I haven't got your opal. This is your last warning.

That's not your opal.

It's a von Meister family, I...

My

ankles!

No,

you don't... You can run, but you can't hide. Truth and justice are on our side.

Isn't that true, Fidelity?

Fidelity?

The thing about Australia... What are you doing here?

Waiting to go back to Australia.

Bet you wish we were there right now.

Let's just concentrate on getting out of here first.

We don't want any slip -ups.

Don't take any prisoners in my kitchen!

Oh, please don't, Robbie! Hand over that opal, and I'll let you off my feet! Oh,

we should give you a chance to explain! All right, you want a chance to explain

yourself? Big deal. We should just leave you alone.

All right, then. I'll leave you alone now, so you can have a good hard think

about yourself.

You need to take good look at yourself. You're a disappointment to your family

and a disgrace to yourself.

There you go, mate. I bet you wish you were back in Australia, eh? Wishing

get you anywhere. You've got to make things happen. You know what I wish? I

you'd shut your mouth.

The best pie must he's ever baked.

now getting rid of this thing here let's just go over that

once again we came down the corridor

let's

just go through that one more time standing in the

Yeah, where'd you get that from then? Torquay?

Australia.

Let me have a look.

You've got the opening. Shut up, will you?

Tell you what, I'll just come right out and give you my best offer

first up. I don't like to haggle, so I'll give you £2 ,000.

What? Goodbye.

You've got the opal. I don't like to haggle, but maybe I can stretch it to 10

,000. How does 50 ,000 sound to you, mate? 50 ,000, you're joking.

We'll go live somewhere else, pal.

You're insulting our family, aren't I? 15, top offer.

20 ,000.

25 ,000.

Cash.

I'm going to regret this on home.

But if you're walking on thin ice, you might as well dance.

All right, mate, you got yourself an over.

Thanks, mate.

Coming? No. I wish he'd say something.

Something? I thought you wanted to get back to Australia.

Things were different back then.

There's your half of the money, mate. Keep it. Give it to a charity.

Friendly children.

What did he say? He said we could have it. Let's go.

Fair enough. No worries. See you.

There's a lesson to be learned here, son. If you're going to steal something,

don't get involved with thieves.

Mate, have you ever thought about taking a trip to Australia?

No. I don't actually believe that travel broadens the mind. I think it only

serves as a distraction from feeble imagination.

I believe that the true journey lies within and the external world is of

consequence.

Fair enough.

I was just interested in an abstract point of view.

You know, I've often wished I were a greengrocer, you know, selling peas and

carrots and aubergines.

Ladies would come in and buy my potatoes and leeks.

Did you wish it just then?

Yeah, I suppose I did.

Don't you wish someone would walk in here right now and buy that opal for a

special lady friend?

Yes, I do, as a matter of fact.

I don't know why I've come to a greengrocer, but I'm looking for an opal

special lady friend.

I just happen to have one opal left. I've also got some very nice aubergines

special.

Hey, mate.

Ever thought about taking a trip to Australia?

Me? Go to the Antipodes?

Yeah, don't you wish you were there right now?

Certainly not. No, it's all flies, convicts, sharks and sheep dung. The

thought of it makes me feel absolutely ill.

Fair enough. Just thought I'd ask.

That's right, I'll keep them coming.

Oh.

Great.

Oh.

Hang on.

Twenty -five grand.

And the family honour.

I bought you a small gift.

What do you think of that?

It's a knife.

Unlike those Australians, they lift without tears.

Not even a tip. It ever seems.

Such a cutie.

I'm a girl then.

Go on. Treat yourself. Go on.

I wish we had the money right now.

It's a miracle.

Von Meister's Opel Experience.

£25 ,000.

What? Oh,

Mummy, you've got my Opel back.

Oh, no, Miss Penelope.

His Lordship has just given this Opel to your mother as a token of his

affection. I bought it myself at a greengrocer in the city.

But you can't have.

Can't you see it's my Opel?

It might look similar, Miss Penelope, but that's no reason to forget about it.

It's my Opel, and I want it back.

I'll try to do better.

We've been thinking of putting a fauna in the glasshouse.

I think that's a capital idea, Diana.

We could move on.

Good genies are so hard to find these days that once you've found one, you

to hold on to them.

Even if it means having to watch your manners.

Yes.

I'm the genie, you're the master. That's right.

I'm the master, you're my genie. You belong to me. Yes.

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Teeny, teeny, from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

Teeny, teeny, from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right. Teeny, from down under.

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