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Oh, thank you.

- With onions. - Thank you.

- There you go. - Thank you very much.

You guys want a little ketchup or something?

- Yes, please. - Yes, please

I knew that.

Oh, you don't have silverware.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Welcome to Apollo Coney Island.

What can I get you today?

I just had to get off the road for a moment.

I will do a flat white.

A what?

A flat white.

It's just espresso with steam milk on top.

I can get you a black coffee in a mug.

Isn't there an actual coffee shop anywhere in town?

Sure, Battle Alley Coffee.

Oh, great, where is that?

Right at the T where Battle Alley connects to Main Street.

You can't miss it.

Okay, awesome, thank you so much.

Of course, it's closed on Sundays.

Oh.

So black coffee then?

Yep.

You know, you can put cream and sugar in it.

Can you?

That is so helpful, thank you so much.

14,72, oh, we don't take the plastic.

No credit cards.

What?

Cash only.

Is this 1994?

I don't carry cash on me.

Is there an ATM?

Over there.

Geez, how old is this thing?

Is this even plugged in?

Oh, the ATM machine is no work,

maybe for more than a year now.

Then why did you point at it?

Okay, is there a bank?

On the main street.

Okay, you go out this way.

Make a left out the lot.

You pass by big fire station

with three crazy dalmatian dog.

Okay, okay, just stop, stop.

I'll just put it in my phone, okay?

And I will be back here in 15 minutes.

Okay, but the bank is closed.

- What? - It's weekend.

I'm just using the ATM.

But the machine is inside the lobby.

Are you kidding me?

There's a machine in Fenton.

- Fenton? - Yeah, it's maybe 30,

35 minutes from here.

Okay, no, no, I am not driving an hour

and 10 minutes to pay for a cup of coffee and a salad.

Look, this, this is your problem.

Could I help at all?

This is my business card, okay?

You call me when you have decided

to join the 21st century and can take plastic.

That is, if your phones

can make a long distance call to LA, okay?

What just happened?

Oh, great.

Hi, I know, license and registration.

Actually, ma'am, if you wouldn't mind

pulling your vehicle

into the school parking lot for me, please.

Where?

Oh, right behind us?

Just about 100 yards or so.

- Okay. - Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Okay, now license, registration,

and proof of insurance, please.

Was I speeding?

Honestly, I was just in a hurry to get away.

In a hurry to get away?

That's not gonna play well in court.

Court?

Niko said you left before paying.

You've got to be kidding me.

I offered to pay.

He doesn't take credit cards.

- How much was the bill? - Less than $20.

$20?

Boy, I would've loaned you the money.

Great, could you go back and please pay Niko?

It's a little late for that

now that you've been fleeing the scene.

Fleeing the scene?

Yeah, you did say you were in a hurry to get out of town.

I...

You know, I'm surprised that none of the men

over at Coney offered to help you.

Holly's normally a pretty nice town.

Is there like a fine or?

Well, that is going to be up to the judge.

- Are you serious? - Afraid so.

Hey, why did you have me pull into this parking lot?

I was parked perfectly safe on the road.

Well, by the time you stopped your vehicle,

you were just slightly outta the city limits of Holly,

outta my jurisdiction,

so I asked you to come back.

So I didn't have to come here?

Nope, I'm not a police officer over there.

- And I could have just left? - Yeah, sure.

And now?

And now, we are going to have to go see Judge Narsh.

- Mike. - Matt.

Mike is my brother.

I work for the city.

He works for the county.

This is Holly.

Holly, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

All rise for the honorable Judge Jerry Narsh.

Thank you, please be seated.

The court of Holly, Michigan is now in session.

And I see that your name is Holly.

Indeed.

Just like the name of this town.

- So I've heard, - You're gonna love it here,

rhymes with jolly. - And golly.

- Hello Matthew. - Your Honor.

Michael tells me

that your grandmother is doing well.

Oh yeah, she's doing great, sir.

She's playing Scrabble with her club.

Volunteers once a week at the museum.

Boy, is she excited

for Holly Hotel's Christmas Eve dinner.

So excited.

She's really, really excited.

- Me too, me too. - What is going on here?

The Holly Hotel, it's our only five star restaurant,

and man, do they put on the best Christmas Eve dinner.

And there's Chef Kathy, their daughter.

- And my wife. - My sister-in-law.

She's their cook.

And boy, was that ever a nice wedding?

I'm sorry you missed it, Holly.

What is going on here?

I'm sorry, it was planned

by Kathy's best friend, Danielle,

who really knows how to plan a classy wedding.

And with her help, did George and Chrissy ever put on

a great event for their daughter.

We rode in, in a horse-drawn carriage.

That's grand.

So am I at trial here?

Yes, of course.

And to the matter of walking out without paying your bill.

I did not walk out.

Well, I did,

but I did try to pay, they just didn't take cards,

so I told them I'd send it in the mail.

Seems reasonable, Officer Williams.

Yes sir, your Honor.

You're in agreement?

Case dismissed.

Great, well, have fun with your lives doing

whatever it is you do in this town.

Hold on just one minute.

There is the matter of rudeness.

- Of what? - Niko, the restaurant owner.

I play cards with Niko on Saturday.

Grand.

And he shared with me that you were extremely rude.

Last I checked, being rude wasn't a crime.

But it's not something

that we take too highly of here in Holly.

I don't care what you care for, being rude is not a crime.

You can't arrest me for something that isn't a crime.

I see the issue here.

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna sentence you

to one week community service.

What?

You'll see the mayor for the proper job.

This isn't fair.

You're welcome to ask the mayor.

Perhaps he can commute your sentence.

Court is adjourned.

I can't even believe this.

The judge said I'm a flight risk.

I can't even get my car.

I need to see the mayor.

Hi, what?

I know it's only like a half mile away, but it's cold.

Sure.

Oh my goodness, why is there so much dog hair back here?

Because this is my car, and I have a dog.

That's unprofessional, okay, whatever, just take me

to the mayor.

Sure.

Here we are.

Okay, well, I literally have dog hair all over my coat

and pants, so no tip.

Yeah, I'm Henry, by the way.

- No, you're Ryan. - Pretty sure I'm Henry.

No, you're Ryan, the Uber driver.

Still Henry.

Stranger danger!

I'm here to see the mayor.

The mayor's not here yet.

You can have a seat though, please.

The mayor will see you now.

Your Honor, what is happening here?

Oh, in this office, you don't have to refer to me

as your Honor in this room.

Here, I'm Mayor Narsh.

You're the mayor?

And you're gonna be staying with us

for a week I understand.

Isn't that right?

Unbelievable.

Hard labor, no, you're not the hard labor type.

Volunteering at the church.

They do do a lot for the homeless community,

but you are lacking in people skills.

It does say here that you just graduated

from veterinary medicine because that's perfect.

We have a veterinary assistant for the week.

Please report to this address at 9:00 AM tomorrow.

This is small city corruption.

Tell it to the judge.

Hello, welcome to the Holly Hotel, I'm George.

Wow, this is amazing.

Not at all what I expected, I'm impressed.

Well, it's the gem of Holly,

and I've been the owner since 1983.

Don't need the history, just need a room.

Oh, sorry, we don't have rooms.

Are you serious?

There are people who actually come visit here?

Are you sure you're all booked out?

Not booked, just don't have any rooms.

See, we converted the upstairs rooms to living space.

Kathy, our oldest daughter-

I don't care.

She and Matthew, the police officer

that pulled you over, nice guy.

So nice.

Well, they got married.

And Chrissy and I, well Chrissy, she's my wife.

Would you like to meet her? - Not just now, George.

Well, Chrissy and I thought,

why don't we just turn the upstairs

into a second living space for them,

and we can concentrate on our restaurant.

So why do you still call it the Holly Hotel?

Why don't you call it the Holly Restaurant?

Oh, folks around here, they sort of know.

What a wonderful little slice of Americana.

Well, I believe Grandma Williams should have space

for you down at her B&B.

- Grandma Williams. - Yeah, grandma Williams,

sweet little old lady.

Good morning.

Well, I suppose you could call it that.

Well, what else would you call it?

It's 8:30, my day starts at five o'clock, Missy.

I see.

So what's for breakfast?

I've been sitting here wondering that

for about three and a half hours.

Hmm?

What are you gonna make us for breakfast?

What am I?

Isn't this a bed and breakfast?

I've had my bed, you've had your bed.

Now it's time for breakfast.

But you're the one

who's supposed to be making me breakfast.

You're 26 years old, Missy.

I'm over 90.

Who do you think should really be doing the work?

So what would you like for breakfast?

Bacon, eggs, and toast heavily buttered.

That food will kill you.

I'm living proof that it won't.

But I'm vegan.

Good for you.

The Bacon's in the refridge.

Okay.

Oh no, stranger danger, plot thickens.

Okay, Ryan, or Harold, or whatever your name is,

I'm looking for Henry Maxwell, the vet.

And by the way, I do have mace in my pocket.

- You found him. - You have a twin?

My parents are to be believed, I'm in only child.

But when you picked me up yesterday,

you said your name was Harold.

No, I said that my name was Henry.

At that point, you calling me Ryan.

But you're really Henry?

That's what the birth certificate says.

Okay, is Ryan or Harold your middle name?

Nope, middle name's Turner.

My mom was a huge Harrison Ford fan.

You know, "Regarding Henry" came out a couple of years

before I was born.

Then why is your Uber profile under Ryan?

I don't have an Uber profile.

I'm friends with Judge Narsh, and I'll have you know

that it is illegal to impersonate an Uber driver.

Yeah, I don't think it is.

And I didn't impersonate anybody.

But we could say that you carjacked me

and forced me to drive you around town.

Carjacked?

Yeah, and I'm better friends with Judge Narsh

than you are, so maybe we just keep this between us.

We wouldn't want to add abduction to your growing list

of crimes and misdemeanors here

in the law abiding village of Holly.

Abduction?

You could probably get grand theft auto thrown

in there as well.

Grand Theft Auto?

What are you, a broken record?

If I keep saying crimes, will you keep repeating them?

Breaking and entering?

What is even happening?

You want the long version or the short version?

Short.

You're entitled.

Excuse me?

Would you prefer the long version?

I'd prefer it if you weren't so rude.

I'm not the one who assumes

that just because I need a ride,

anybody that happens to be near me in a car

is there to serve me.

Anyway, I am a highly educated Veterinarian

and you have me at your disposal for a week.

And there you go, I didn't ask for this.

I'm quite good at my job.

Well, I just received my doctorate

in veterinary medicine from Cornell.

You ever heard of it? - Fancy school.

- And you? - Community college.

Yeah, that's right, my parents aren't rich like yours,

but I got my hands dirty, learning the job in the field.

You ever actually practiced?

I'll have you know that I am on my way to LA

to become a plastic surgeon to the dogs of the stars.

A what?

You know, pinning of the ears, lipo,

testicular implants, facelifts.

Yeah, well, sounds like LA I guess.

Also sounds like it pays a lot more

than anything around here.

- Let's go. - Where?

- House call. - Uh-uh, I'm not getting

in a car with you after this pleasant little interaction.

Could always check to see if Ryan or Harold

is available, come on.

You know, there's a lot more to it than that.

More to what?

I'm not just doing cosmetic procedures on cats and dogs.

I'll be doing the elective procedures

so that I can do

the medically necessary procedures pro bono.

There are medically necessary plastic surgeries for dogs?

You know like really wrinkly dogs like English bulldogs,

they get skin infections from their wrinkles.

- Yeah? - A nip here, a tuck there,

no more skin infections.

So to help out one English bulldog,

you're going to put Botox in 100 Doberman Pinterest ears?

I won't be made fun of

because I have a financial plan for my life, Mr. Flip phone.

First of all, this is a choice.

And secondly, could you be more materialistic?

This job means financial freedom.

By year two, I get a Mercedes-Benz.

By year seven, I buy a house all cash.

And by year 15, I retire, Honolulu.

In this 15 year plan of yours, it proves that what,

you're a spiritual person at heart?

It proves that I know exactly what I want in life.

Money?

It's not a bad thing to want money.

Said you and two dozen Russian oligarchs.

All right, Saint Henry, you're telling me

if you won the lottery today, you just give it all away?

What makes you think

that I'm not independently wealthy already?

That is a choice.

So you're just gonna make house calls until you die?

If I'm lucky, yes.

I can't wait to get out of this backwards town.

Yeah, trust me, the town feels the same way.

Well, I had a look at her and-

No trail rides for a couple weeks

just to get that hoof time to heal.

But other than that, business as usual.

Yeah, that's actually spot on correct.

Well, thank you both for your help,

and I'll let George and Chrissy know.

You know about horses.

So you're more than just what Cornell taught you

in a textbook.

Yep.

Care to add to that explanation?

Nope, I did notice you didn't get paid though.

- Yeah, not money. - What else is there?

Well, Chrissy and George own the Holly Hotel.

Right, the hotel that's not a hotel, but a restaurant.

A very good restaurant, and I get to eat there for free.

I can also come for trail rides whenever I like.

Supposed to be going to one tomorrow.

You're welcome to come.

I mean, that is if you can actually get on a horse.

You do know they make tofu bacon.

I'm sorry, you're gonna have to talk louder.

Did you know that they make tofu bacon?

Tofu, what's that?

Some kind of martial art?

No, it's a meat substitute made from soybeans.

Meat substitute?

Oh, when Grandpa Williams died 15 years ago,

I had a husband substitute.

You know what I call it?

What?

"Wheel of Fortune".

You like Pat Sajak?

Well, let's say I'd let him sell me a fowl or two.

So how would you like your eggs this morning?

Like I live my life, sunny side up.

You have heard of salmonella, right?

Where's the frying pan?

To the right of the stove.

And where's the cooking spray?

Cooking spray?

Child, I was born during the Great Depression.

At my house, we call cooking spray, bacon grease.

I can hear your arteries hardening all the way

from over here [chuckling].

So how would you like your bacon?

Like my hot toddy, crisp and dark brown.

Are there any bad habits that you don't have?

Why, are you selling some?

You know, you could take a page or two from my book.

It might do you some good.

Oh yeah, what should I focus on first?

- Quit being afraid of life. - I'm not scared of living.

This from a girl who's afraid to eat meat

because it might harden her arteries,

thinks eggs are biohazardous materials,

and has already washed her hands twice

in the last five minutes.

Now, let me ask you this.

In New York, Miami, or wherever it is you are from,

how many times do you go back

and check your lock on your door of your apartment

after you go to bed?

I don't.

Three, sometimes, three usually.

You want life to be neat, clean,

and orderly with child protective coverings

on all the sharp edges.

But let me tell you this, Missy, life is messy.

It does go bump in the night.

The sooner you make peace with that, the happier you'll be.

- Good morning. - Oh, hi, good morning.

I'm Carl.

No.

No, what?

Don't get any ideas.

She's not right for you, and you're not right for her.

Grandma, I wasn't getting any ideas.

You're a man, aren't you?

And she's a beautiful young woman.

Oh, thank you.

Cut it, Holly.

Of course, you get ideas.

We were just saying good morning.

Hmm-hmm.

I'm sorry, who is this?

Who are you?

I'm Holly.

Hello, I'm Carl with no ideas.

My grandson.

I thought your grandson was the police officer.

It's possible to have more than one grandson.

I have nine.

This one works for the fire department.

Wait a second, why am I not right for her?

Not that I'm interested.

No.

But what's wrong with me?

Plenty, but there's somebody out there for you.

And when I meet her, I'll know.

How?

Because I'm old and I know things.

So I'm actually about to take grandma here up

to Frankenmuth for the first time.

I've rented a Airbnb for about a week.

We're gonna go check out the holiday lights

and the festivities for a bit.

Holly's a nice little town,

but I've spent about 75 of my Christmases here,

and I've kind of seen everything.

I wanna see something new.

Anything wrong with that?

Nothing, that's great.

Yeah, sounds fun.

And if you're gonna stay over Christmas,

you know where my spare key is.

I'll be gone.

If you wanna make God laugh,

just tell Him your plans.

But you have plans.

That's different, about this point,

God and I are about the same age.

Grandma, cheers.

You too, Holly, Merry Christmas.

I'm just saying that bartering

has not been a recognized form of currency

in about 100 years.

I love bartering.

I'm like the barter king of Oakland County.

Yeah, and that's why you're gonna work until you die.

Like why are we out here on a trail ride

in the middle of the day?

Chrissy offered to let us take two horses out today,

and I said yes, simple as that.

I personally think that it's important

to slow down and enjoy life.

Don't you?

Working until you die is not a good thing.

You have not talked to enough people

that actually love what they do for work.

You are like the most annoying person I've ever met.

You know what you need?

- What's that? - You need a phrase.

What sort of phrase?

How about good natured?

Well, first of all, the description has to be true.

You don't think that I'm good natured?

Second of all, my description had something more to do

with your economic policy.

And you don't think that barter king does the trick?

I was thinking something more along the lines

of voodoo economics.

You know, knowing how annoying I am to you,

I'm surprised you didn't go with Ronald McDonald.

Hey, if the clown shoe fits,

I'm not gonna stop you from wearing it.

And by the way,

you started this when you called me Ebeneezer to Chrissy.

Yeah, I heard that.

Look, I'm sorry,

I didn't expect that to get around to you.

It's okay, I like a little ingenuity

with my insults. Mr. Christmas Tree Hugger.

Christmas Tree Hugger?

Yeah, I'm insulting your way of life

while sticking to a Christmasy theme,

just like you did with Ebeneezer.

That's fair.

Yeah, so go on, do your worst.

- My worst what? - Insult.

- Okay. - I'm waiting.

"The Wolf of Wall Street".

Eh, that's good, but it's not great.

- "Rumpelstiltskin"? - Spinning straw into gold?

Yeah, like you know, you have a general obsession

with material things.

Not too bad.

So you're impressed?

I am.

You're insulted.

Look, I'm sorry I just...

No, you did good.

I asked for it, and you delivered.

- I have to say something. - Go on Chris Cringle.

Actions speak louder than words.

You're insulted because it hit home, but I didn't mean to.

You did.

But if it wasn't true then it wouldn't...

Do you wanna know what my problem is with you?

I can tell you what my problem is.

I seem to be stuck with a professional criticizer

for a whole week.

You're messy, that's why I don't like you.

Tell me how you really feel why don't you?

And I'll have you know, I'm a very neat person.

I don't mean messy like that.

I mean you're messy like Christmas.

Because that makes so much more sense.

Isn't this the mayor's office?

It is.

What are we doing here?

I'm dropping you off.

You are dropping me off?

What is it with you repeating what I say back to me.

Why are you dropping me off?

So that you can explain to Judge Narsh

that he's gonna have to find someplace else for you

to do your community service.

I make it a point not to spend time with people

who don't like me.

Good riddance.

I need to speak with the judge now.

Look, if you wanna make an appointment with the judge,

you're gonna have to go back down to the courthouse.

The judge, the mayor who's ever in that office right now,

I need to speak to him.

Look, it makes a difference if you wanna talk

to the mayor or the judge.

I can't make appointments for the judge, only the mayor.

Are you Holly people given a guidebook

for how to be as annoying as possible,

or are you just born with that talent?

Us Holly people?

Let me tell you something little girl.

Hi Holly, I thought I recognized your voice.

Come on in.

Throw the book at her, Judge.

Hmm, I'd have to be able to walk down

to the courthouse to do that.

I just got off the phone with Henry.

Hmm.

He said he had a message for you.

Oh, I'm sure he does.

He said the phone is a choice, Rumpelstiltskin.

And he said you'd understand.

Oh, I understand.

And I understand that he's a backwards, backwater,

black hole of a human being

who's just slightly less annoying than the town

that he lives in.

And you judge, jury and executioner,

I'm gonna have you disbarred, dethroned and deactivated.

Are you done?

No.

Yes.

Well then, maybe what you need is another 48 hours

of community service.

Maybe that'll be enough time to get you to warm up to us.

Another 48 hours?

Huh, Henry was right.

About what?

He said you have this weird trait

where you repeat back to people what they say,

but in the form of a question

You can add to my community service.

You're the mayor right now.

Well in a backwards,

backwater, black hole sort of town

that is only slightly less annoying

than the town veterinarian, it seems that I can.

When I get outta here, I'm gonna write a book

about this place and it is going to be a war story.

Open yourself up to Holly.

Give it a chance.

You might find that the place,

and the people will grow on you.

Yeah, maybe like a fungus.

Yeah, that's not the comparison I would've chosen.

All right, so where do I go now?

Go, what do you mean?

To finish my community service.

Where am I going next?

Well, back to Henry of course.

You've gotta be kidding me.

No, serious as a heart attack.

That is not going to work.

I mean, I think he doesn't like me almost

as much as I don't like him.

Well, you tell him that Mayor Narsh said

to embrace the humbug

until it melts into the spirit of Christmas.

Hmm.

He told me he likes to call you Ebeneezer.

Ebeneezer and Rumpelstiltskin.

How long were you guys on the phone for?

Just a few minutes.

But I told him Ebeneezer

and Rumpelstiltskin were good choices,

but he should stick with the Christmas theme.

Naturally, I couldn't resist to point out

that he had missed the second most obvious one

behind, of course, Ebeneezer.

- Second most what? - Christmas insult.

- Which is? - Mr. Potter.

"It's a wonderful life".

I know Mr. Potter is.

You prefer Ebeneezer?

I am not the person that this town is making me out to be.

Holly, if I didn't already know that,

I wouldn't have sentenced you to community service.

So on top of being a vet

and an Uber driver impersonator, you've also had a janitor.

Good to see that your financial situation's working out

as good as your phone situation.

Yeah, I'm unhappy to see you too, Rumpelstiltskin.

The unhappy feeling is mutual, Papa Noel.

So let's see, you've already used Saint Nick,

Chris Cringle, and now Papa Noel.

Do you wanna go ahead and get Father Christmas

outta the way now

or do you insist on saving that one for later?

I'm all set for now.

I've got a bunch more saved up for later.

Yeah, I doubt that.

You know, you are not the brightest blinking bulb

on the Christmas tree.

Very alliterative.

Alliteration not your thing?

Try this, you're not the sharpest tool in Santa's workshop.

Nah.

So anyway, Mudge Narsh.

- Mudge? - Mayor, judge, mudge.

Mudge, got it, that's actually not bad.

Try to keep up.

So anyway, Mudge Narsh has ordained

that I continue my community service

despite my intense objections.

And mine.

So that just means we're gonna have to try it

and get along.

Yeah, but I don't get along well with entitled people.

And I'd rather spend my week

with you Yukon Cornelius than you.

Who in the world is Yukon Cornelius?

He's the prospector guy

from "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer".

I was just trying to make an insult in the form

of Christmas Cannon.

You know, extra credit to you

for kind of pulling that one off.

Hey, wait a sec.

What?

Isn't he the one that's obsessed with silver and gold?

I think he even sings a song about it.

You've got a top graduate from a top university.

What do you need me to do?

- Hmm, funny you should ask. - What's this?

That is a broom.

People generally use 'em for sweeping.

This is ridiculous, I'm a doctor.

Welcome to the janitorial crew.

You'll find cleaning supplies in the bathroom closet.

- What's this? - Those are keys.

People generally use 'em for locking and unlocking doors.

Where are you going?

To the trailer park in your imagination.

- What? - To my home.

Be sure to lock up when you leave and do a good job.

Wouldn't wanna have to make a bad report to Judge Narsh.

You know, Yukon Cornelius has bigger biceps

than your noodly arms.

Goodnight.

I need to get you and Henry your own personal tickets

for a rumble seat.

What's a rumble seat?

Oh, I saw my great niece yesterday,

and I told her she was bouncing around like a pinball.

Guess what she said?

What?

What's a pinball?

Oh my gosh.

Nevermind what a rumble seat is.

I was just trying to tell you that opposites attract.

You are wrong about us.

I used to have a coffee mug that said,

"I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken."

Grandpa Williams got it for me for Christmas, one year.

We all know how smart Grandpa Williams was,

because he married me.

Do you mind if I ask what happened?

One of the grandkids knocked it off the table,

shattered it into 100 pieces.

- I meant. - I know what you meant.

We had over 50 years of a good marriage,

and then he passed.

I'm sorry.

Don't be, most people aren't as lucky.

They pick the wrong partner.

You don't know anything about Henry and me.

And even if you were right, which you aren't,

I'll be leaving in a few days.

The way you're racking up time, Missy,

you'll still be here around New Year's.

If I rack up any more time,

I will be contacting the Attorney General.

Instead of contacting the Attorney General,

why don't you spend some time figuring out

why you're so afraid of Henry?

You think Henry scares me?

What's interesting to me is that you are starting

to scare him back.

I doubt that.

Why don't you try being nice to Henry

and see what happens?

Because I don't like him.

You know what George Burns says about living a long life?

Who is George Burns?

Lord have mercy on my pitiful soul.

I'm kidding, I do know who George Burns is.

Thank heaven for small miracles.

So what did George Burns say the secret to a long life is?

He said he ate everything.

If he didn't like it, he put ketchup on it.

You know, that is pretty good advice.

You know what I say a secret to long life is?

What?

Be nice to everyone.

You know, that is pretty good advice.

Try it out on Henry today,

and everyone you meet.

You might be surprised.

Good morning.

- Good morning. - So I was thinking

that we could do something a little different today.

Maybe you could take me on a tour around Holly.

- Really? - Hmm-hmm.

Well, no appointments until late this afternoon.

And if there's an emergency, I can always be reached on my-

Pager?

My phone is a choice.

Okay, fine, fine.

Go on, explain.

I know you're dying to.

- Explain what? - Why you have a flip phone.

Life is too short to give so much of it to the internet.

So like how do you get around?

Do you have like a map?

I have a GPS.

They still make those?

I mean, the box did say for marine use only

and it tends to steer me towards rivers.

Okay, boss, ready to go?

Boss?

Come here.

Do you have a temperature? - Mm-mm.

- Concussion? - Mm-mm.

Did you eat some unmarked brownies?

Well, they were marked,

but it did say, "For glaucoma use only."

- Did you eat them? - No.

Hmm, so you've been replaced with a super intelligent

and lifelike AI.

Stop it.

You have a nice smile.

Thank you.

Coney Island?

The place where you dined and dashed?

I did not dine and dash.

- Did you eat? - Yes.

Did you pay?

I tried, very strenuously I might add.

So you didn't pay.

Okay, do you have the address

so I can like put it in my GPS on my phone?

You are not gonna let the phone thing go are you?

Nope.

Just come on.

I don't need a GPS to get us around Holly.

Henry, Henry, how you do Henry?

Hey Niko, how's it going?

And I don't think we officially met yet,

but I did give you nickname so I can tell your story better.

- Oh yeah, what's that? - Cash Only.

My real name is Holly.

Oh, do you mind if I keep calling you Cash Only

when I tell your story?

It makes it more fun.

Not at all.

And I believe that this will cover my debt,

and something a little extra for the waitress.

Thank you, Robin will really appreciate.

So what are your kids doing today?

Well, I am on my apology tour.

You are?

And I figured since this is where it all began,

I'm sorry, Niko.

Can we start over?

All in past.

Can I get you something to eat?

I ate.

Tea, piece of baklava, rice pudding?

Perfect.

You know, long time to ago, I knew some guy

who couldn't say I'm sorry.

His name was Vasili.

But everybody around here call him Just North,

because every time he did job,

he did just north to get by.

Now that I think, Vasili had many problems in life.

- What happened to him? - The dogs, they get him.

Oh, that's grizzly.

No, no, I don't mean they eat him.

I mean, he took trip down to the Florida.

He took out big debit, debt, about how you say before?

Oh, debt.

Debt, yes, betting on the dog races.

After that, he had to skip the country.

Now, I think he's on Greek Island somewhere.

He sounds like a colorful character.

Ah, you want to hear about colorful character?

Let me tell you about Pythonus Pete.

Pete used to like

to wrestle big pythonus snakes for fun.

Talk about crazy!

She moved to the Texas,

but then one day she pop up on the TV set,

water skating in that same big hat with the red feathers.

If that don't beat everything.

Niko, I think I could talk to you

for like two or three years.

Eh, after two or three months, I start to repeat myself.

- I wouldn't mind. - Oh, thank you Ms. Holly.

That's very sweet of you.

- I prefer Cash Only. - Yes ma'am, Cash Only.

And again, I'm so sorry, Niko, please forgive me.

- Oh, everything's okay. - Can we start over?

Of course, no problems.

So tell me, are you going to be staying

with us through Christmas?

That is the mayor's plan for you, you know.

I will be in LA long before that.

My gosh, what is a girl like you going to do down

in lower Alabama?

Not lower Alabama, LA, Los Angeles, LA.

- California? - Mm-mm.

That's even worse, oh my gosh.

You've gotta do something, intervene.

Intervene?

I'm a veterinarian.

What do you want me to do?

Fit her for a neck cone?

If it'll work.

That will not work.

I could rock a neck cone.

- Mm. - mm-mm.

You know, all it's going to take is one Christmas,

one Christmas for you

to understand the kind of magic we have right here

in this little town.

Believe me, I'm definitely starting

to experience the magic of this little town just fine.

But she has to leave

because she has a 15 year plan that involves retirement

and something about a Disney movie.

What did I tell you about the Disney jokes?

Weren't you the one who tried

to pay my bill the other day?

I am, yes.

And wasn't I the one?

You were not very appreciative.

Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm Holly.

I'm William, Bill.

It's so nice to officially meet you.

It's nice to meet you too, Bill.

I really have to go though.

I've gotta run right home to see the Mrs, if you will.

And I'm sorry I was so rude to you.

Oh, that's okay.

Everyone has a bad day or two every now and then,

even Two Shoes here.

Two Shoes?

Cash only, I'd like to introduce you

to Goodie Little Two Shoes.

Oh, [chuckling] a nickname.

I like it.

See you, guys.

So where to now, Cash Only?

Oh boy, it's the Ms. You Holly People girl again.

Well, actually people around here have taken

to calling me Cash Only.

What?

I think we met like three times already.

And I have yet to ask your name, and I'm sorry for that.

I'm Sandra.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Holly, or as Niko likes to call me, Cash Only.

Does Niko have a nickname for you too?

Yes, he does.

He calls me Lady Jane Gray.

Do I know her?

Well, she was the Queen of England for nine days,

but that's not why he calls me that.

I'm also the Chef at the Holly Hotel.

And every time he comes in,

I serve him a cup of lady gray tea.

Well, I am sure she was a beautiful woman,

and you are too. - Thank you.

Well, the mayor's in.

Would you like to see him?

No, actually, I'm here to talk to you.

Me?

Yeah, Two Shoes over here is escorting me around town

to make amends for my terrible rudeness.

And I acted way outta line and was super rude.

And that, "You Holly people" comment

that I so callously called you is not true.

You Holly people are actually very nice,

and I hope that you can accept my sincere apology.

Absolutely not.

Of course, I understand.

We Holly people, we don't just accept apologies.

We also hug it out.

Oh, okay.

Girl, you better hug me like you mean it.

Oh, man.

Holly, I am so glad you're here if you have a few minutes.

Yeah, I'm actually on Henry's clock today.

He's taking me around town to apologize to everyone, but...

Go ahead, I gotta make a phone call.

Still a choice.

- Apology accepted. - I haven't even started.

Apology accepted.

Now, think about staying.

I have a feeling about you in this town.

Believe me, I would love to stay,

but I start my new job in LA on Monday

and a whole new chapter of my life.

Well, think about at least staying for Christmas.

I have to be in the new office on Monday.

I don't even know if I have enough time

to finish my community service.

You know, I could always add to your sentence,

but I won't, that wouldn't be fair.

So you just finish your days and who knows?

You have a nice town, but I'm just passing through.

If you ever want to come back to Holly,

and finish what we started this Christmas,

please know that you will always be welcome here.

What are we doing here?

Did you forget something?

No.

But you said that we're making one last stop

on your apology tour.

You are my last stop.

I see.

Look Holly, I have some apologizing to do too.

- No, hang on, I'm doing this. - Let me make you a deal.

Does this deal involve either one of us apologizing

to each other.

- It does. - Then I'm listening.

What if I took you to dinner tonight at the Holly Hotel?

Are you asking me out like on a date?

- Yeah, yes I am. - This is weird.

It was just an idea, like we don't...

No, no, no, sorry, not you, you're not weird.

It's just everything is apps and swipe left, swipe right.

And I don't think I've ever actually been asked on a date

before in my entire life.

I don't mean to be a stickler for details here,

but are you saying yes or no?

I am saying yes.

It is like your words have cast a spell on me,

and I just follow kindness wherever it leads.

Well, I wish kindness would lead me to Pat Sajak.

I haven't felt this free in years.

The feeling is free, but the advice is not.

It'll show up on your bill right under room service

and local taxes.

Well, it'll be worth every penny.

Pennies, I don't know

who you've been getting your advice from,

but my advice will cost you several Benjamin Franklins.

Do you just have a notebook

where you jot down one-liners?

Lucille Ball's got nothing on me.

Who's Lucille Ball?

Oh goodness, oh, wait a minute, are you kidding me?

I am.

- I like you. - Aw.

Oh, that is Henry, and he wants me to come outside.

It was my idea by the way.

I have connections.

What was your idea?

He wasn't for it at the beginning,

but I told him to wait and see how the day went.

And now, he's all for it.

All for what?

I got you and Henry a rumble seat for Christmas.

A rumble seat?

Well, the closest thing to it.

Enjoy your evening, let kindness be your guide.

And if it leads you to Pat Sajak, give him my address.

This is-

I know, the small town is silly, but...

It's really nice.

I was just gonna say that it's really nice.

So I feel rude for not asking before, but where is home?

Take a guess.

Let's see, you were driving through Michigan to LA,

so I'm guessing you cut across from New York?

Nope.

Okay, that was the obvious one.

I haven't heard an accent on the Os,

but are you Canadian coming down from Toronto?

It's a really nice city, but I've only visited.

Okay, I give.

Crystal Falls, Michigan, population 1,958.

What, in the upper peninsula?

But you told everyone that-

No, I didn't.

Nobody ever asked.

Everyone just assumed.

Wow, so you really have learned about horses

Mm-mm, and sled dogs too.

Wow, so your parents still live up there too, I assume?

They passed, auto accident.

Holly, I'm so sorry to hear that.

It was 11 years ago, Christmas Eve.

Holly, that is terrible, I'm so sorry.

I don't wanna hear it.

You're a veterinarian, not a psychologist.

Fair enough, but really, I am so sorry to hear that.

All right, I got a hard one for you.

Are you ready?

Seems entirely fair.

Have you always wanted to be a veterinarian

or was med school too hard?

You do not pull the punches, do you?

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

You know, I feel like a new nickname

might be in the works.

Uh-uh, I earned Cash Only fair and square.

And I feel like you're avoiding my question.

I wanted to be a vet since I saw the man

from "Snowy River" for the first time

when I was seven years old.

- I love that movie! - You know it?

Yes.

Yeah. I'll never forget him taking

that horse over the edge of the cliff.

Ugh, I get chills just thinking about it.

So?

So?

Are you gonna ask me?

I feel like you shared a lot already.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I'd like to know if you'd like to tell me.

I just didn't wanna put you on the spot again.

It was always about the animals.

I'm even a vegetarian.

But since the accident, I needed to get outta town

and that means money.

I'm not gonna barter for my milk and my eggs.

So the canine plastic surgery thing

actually makes sense now.

I left for college when I was 18,

and I haven't been back since,

but I'm LA bound now, baby.

But you don't really know if working with animals

is your job or your passion.

I love animals,

But the plastic surgery part.

I don't know, it's be really scary

to spend your entire adult life pursuing something

that might not be your passion.

Okay, now let me ask you something else,

and I'm hoping this will be an easy one.

- Yes. - Guess what?

I do believe in Santa Claus.

That wasn't the question.

Wait a minute, you're telling me there are people

that don't believe in Santa Claus?

I know, the Baldwin brothers.

It hasn't been independently verified,

but the media's going crazy with it.

I will never watch "The Hunt for Red October" again.

- Which one's in that? - Alec.

And don't think that you're avoiding my question.

Oh, but I put so much effort into being avoidant.

Okay, what if I flash you my puppy dog eyes.

That looks more like acid reflux.

Ugh, this is why you're single.

Who says I'm single?

The antique phone of yours,

you can't download any dating apps.

- The phone is a choice. - Yeah, a choice to be single.

- Okay, here's my question. - Okay.

I've really enjoyed talking to you,

and I'm hoping you'll have dinner with me

at the Holly Hotel tonight.

- Of course. - Great.

I do have one more question for you though.

- Yeah, what's that? - How are we getting home?

Does Grandma Williams still drive?

Heaven help us.

Hey, you could always give your friend Ryan a call.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

You have a good day.

I'm sorry, I have to take this.

Would you excuse me for a second?

Yeah, of course.

Hello, this is Holly.

Holly, Dr. Martin here.

Oh yes, hello.

I have Monday written down as your start date.

Yes ma'am, that's right.

You have a very big client coming in on Friday.

I can't say who, but let's just say she works

for a certain mouse in Florida.

So let's have you start on Friday instead.

- Oh, well- - All right, good.

See you then.

Hello, hello?

Henry, the phone call,

I just want you to know what a magical week I've had.

I mean, this town,

and you, mostly you.

Hey, for me too.

I mean, you love animals.

You are so beautiful.

You're fun, you have a wonderful heart.

I'm 100% falling for you.

Sorry, is it something that I said?

Am I somehow misreading this?

No, you didn't.

You did everything right.

You said everything right.

And now, I have to go.

Holly?

Holly?

♪ Is it too good to be true ♪

Dear Grandma Williams,

thank you for becoming such a dear friend

in such a short time.

If you are right about kindness,

then I know the kindest thing for me to do right now

is to leave.

Henry can never be my Grandpa Williams

because our lives are just too different.

Continuing to spend time with him is confusing the fact

for both of us.

Love always, Cash Only.

PS, I hope you like the Christmas present.

Grandpa Williams would approve.

Hold your horses, I'm working on it.

Can I come in?

So does that mean I'm free to go?

Actually, just between you and me,

you were always free to go.

I never actually found you in contempt.

Isn't that like nine kinds of illegal?

Well, maybe, but had you looked at the paperwork

that you signed before you stormed out of the courtroom,

you would've found that you were always free to go.

Color me, I'm convinced.

Shouldn't you take the time to share with Henry

what you've just shared with me?

- I can't do it. - Why?

If what you were telling me is true

and there's feelings forming between the two of you,

if you leave with no explanation,

isn't that going to hurt worse?

I'm scared, I'm not strong enough to tell him.

I'm sure he'll understand.

I'm not scared of him not understanding.

Then what are you scared of?

I'm scared that if I see him,

I won't be strong enough to go.

Does this room look sterile?

It's not a trick question.

I think so.

No, it doesn't.

Go get your cleaning supplies,

and come back and clean up this room now.

Make it look perfect. - Yes ma'am.

Holly, what have I told you

about wearing the plain white lab coat?

Tomorrow, I want you to come in

and wear a cute outfit like everyone else.

I'm sorry. Dr. Martin, I forgot.

And what have I told you about Dr. Martin

when we're not in a consultation?

Use your spirit name.

Then try again.

I'm sorry, Sunny Meadows, I forgot.

That's better.

How'd the meeting with prospective client go?

Great.

- They signed? - Yeah.

Were you able to add on any procedures?

They got what they came for.

That's not great.

That's below average.

Anyone can sell someone what they came for.

I'm sorry, Sunny, I guess I-

It's Sunny Meadows, not Sunny.

I'm sorry?

My spirit name, it's one name not two.

Meadows is not a last name.

My whole first spirit name is Sunny Meadows.

Uh-huh.

What were you going to tell me?

I honestly don't even remember.

I think you were trying to make an excuse

for why you can only sell a standard package.

Yeah, I'm just not great at upselling.

It's a skill,

not a talent.

You have to learn how to do it.

You should get a picture of the one thing

that you want most in the world,

and keep it in the drawer of your desk.

Take it out and stare at it for a full minute

before each new meeting with a client.

My first one was a vacation property in the San Diego area.

I'm on picture number four now.

And what is it?

One of those new luxury electrics that come out next year.

I don't even really like cars,

but the base price on some of them is over 300,000,

so I have to have one. - Of course.

Question is, Holly, what do you want most in the world?

Are you paying attention?

Henry.

What?

What I want most in the world is Henry.

People don't work, Holly.

It has to be a thing. You can't buy people.

- Dr. Martin- - My spirit name.

I quit!

If that's Holly, the door's open.

If it's anyone else,

I have a Doberman in here the size of a car

and he hasn't eaten in three days.

Watch the merchandise, Missy.

The warranty ran out a long time ago on this old body.

You break me, you buy me.

Merry Christmas, Grandma Williams.

I see you got my present.

Yes.

I love it.

I'm glad.

I tried to send you a lump of coal,

but they only sell that stuff by the metric ton.

Well, I'm glad I wasn't that high up on the naughty list.

You were darn near the prize winner.

I just couldn't afford the shipping cost on that much coal.

Do you think that Henry will give me a second chance?

Oh, I have no doubt about it.

Well, what do I even say to him?

- Just tell him the truth. - Which is?

That you're no longer afraid to be happy.

Oh, the merchandise, Missy.

Now, wish me luck.

Wish you luck?

Isn't that supposed to be the other way around?

When you get to be my age,

you need all the luck you can get.

- Dining alone? - Holly?

Merry Christmas Two Shoes.

That just does not get old for you, does it?

Truth doesn't age.

You're here.

Yeah, turns out I'm not too good at upselling neuticles.

I'm sorry, neuticles?

Yeah, it's when they chop, chop the boy dog,

and afterwards, then try to make him feel more masculine.

- That sounds horrific. - Trust me, it is.

So you're running away from LA?

I've been running away for 11 years now.

It wasn't until I met you

and the people of this town

that I finally feel like home again.

Wow, that's a lot to take in.

I understand, I'm sorry

that I left without saying goodbye,

and I'm sorry for the person

that I was when I first came into this town,

and I'm sorry that I'm the type of person who thinks

that just because they're going somewhere,

the person in front of them is Ryan, the Uber driver.

And if you give me a second chance,

I promise you I will win your heart over.

Holly, that's no longer possible.

I understand, I'll go.

I can't give you a second chance to win my heart

when you already have it.

It's so beautiful out tonight.

We should take a picture.

Oh, too bad you got a flip phone [laughing].

The phone is a choice.

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