Original subtitles

CUSTOMER CHATS HAPPILY IN ARABIC

Who's next?

- Yeah, can I get a medium... - Oh, sorry, I was...I was next.

Oh. Sorry.

Yeah, uh... Can I get a Hawaiian pizza, please? Small.

5.99.

CARD READER BEEPS

- Cool. Ten minutes. - Thanks.

Can I get a medium meat feast?

7.99.

Uh...

CARD READER BEEPS

- Ten minutes. - Thanks.

Sorry about the...

Sorry?

Sorry about the jumping in.

That's OK.

I feel terrible.

I'd...I'd been waiting for a while.

Oh, I know, yeah.

Ages.

There was a guy in front of that woman.

No, I know.

It's hard.

Thank God you said something.

Sorry?

Thank God you said something.

Or you'd have to wait another 15 seconds while I put in my order.

HE LAUGHS

Is this a thing?

Who...who the fuck are you?

Being pushed in front of - is it triggering?

- Is it crucial to your self-esteem? - Ah...

Is it important to you, as a man, that someone doesn't jump

in front of you in a queue for a fucking pizza?

- Are you in the queue? - Oh.

No, go ahead.

SHE'S got manners.

SHE LAUGHS

She's a fucking do-gooder.

HE LAUGHS

- Hi. - Hi.

- You good? - Yeah. Are you?

Yeah.

- You look great. - Yeah, and you.

Yeah.

SIREN WAILS

Good journey?

Yeah, look...

SIRENS BLARE

SIRENS FADE

Yeah, no, how was yours?

Guys.

Yep, sorry.

Sorry.

THEY LAUGH

You think you could... Could you do the big one?

THEY TALK INDISTINCTLY

THEY LAUGH

One, two, three...

Go!

Oop!

Wah!

THEY LAUGH

- Right... - Oh, God.

What?

This is the bit where you take the fact that we've had a nice day

as two human beings, and you turn it all into something sexual.

Cos it's the only way you can view women in your diseased little mind.

HE CHUCKLES

Am I wrong?

No, my mind's completely diseased right now.

Oh, mine's fucking rancid.

Well, all I can think about is taking you home,

undressing you, touching you.

Is that romantic,

or really fucking creepy?

Oh, it's creepy. It's definitely creepy.

Oh, it's such a fine line!

THEY LAUGH

- Hey! - Hi!

- Hi! - Nice to see you. - Thanks for coming.

- Sorry we're late, we had a bit of a thing. - No.

Hello!

Oh, I like your elephant.

I'm going to the bar. Is everybody all good?

Yeah? You sure? OK.

You know I'm in love with you?

Come on.

You've been in love with me for weeks.

HE CHUCKLES

FRIEND GROUP CHEERS

- LAUGHING: - Shut up.

Is it wrong to have an erection in front of all these people?

You don't want to know what it's like down there.

THEY LAUGH

What can I get you?

Erm...

THEY LAUGH

And the hormones?

Normal.

All normal. Everything was normal.

But...

There was talk about maybe, like, uh, chromosomal...

Yep. It was all normal.

Everything was normal. It was all what we would hope to see.

So, the good news is there's nothing wrong.

I know it can seem a bit disappointing, having spent all

this money on tests for what might feel like no reason.

But what you do have now is peace of mind.

You can walk away from here knowing you're both -

in terms of reproduction, at least - you're both completely healthy.

A lot of the people I see in here would love to receive these results.

So, uh...

Why do our babies keep dying?

I don't know.

Hello? I've just arrived. Can you hear me?

- WHISPERING: - Congratulations.

Oh, my God...

Headhunted? Ha!

You...

Headhunted, though. So, erm, will you get a raise?

I'm...I'm literally coming in now.

Will you get a raise?

Will you get a raise?

FAINT LIVELY CHATTER

Singapore, wow.

Ha.

What a bolt from the blue.

And I couldn't quite...

What was it?

You'll be vice president of acquisitions and...?

Ha.

I couldn't...I couldn't quite get what everyone was saying.

Uh, so...

What was it?

Uh, you'll be vice president of...

Was it acquisitions or...?

- Do you want me to unlock it? - Yeah.

Singapore, though.

Can't get much further away than that.

I've always, uh, liked the idea of getting away.

Fresh start.

Meet new people, make new friends.

Sometimes in life it's hard to break free from your, erm...

Oh...

..past.

Now me and Lisa are getting married...

..would you be the best man?

Best man?

Obviously, all the people I actually wanted to be the best man...

Turned you down!

Bottom of the barrel.

- Shall I take these over? - Yeah, yeah, thanks, mate.

And four pints of Peroni.

No, that'll be great. Yeah, thanks.

No, I'll do a nice speech, do it properly.

Thanks, mate.

Say something nice about you, about Lisa.

About your relationship.

Oh, God.

What do you know about relationships?

THEY LAUGH

Right!

Yeah, no...

Yeah, thanks, mate.

No, no, no, no. Thanks, mate.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Six, seven years since Nicola changed a nappy?

And six years of sleep.

Oh, sleep, I remember that.

Is that where you put your head on a pillow?

And you stay there all night, yeah.

And then you wake up in the morning completely refreshed?

Yeah, I've got a vague memory.

No, go back and eat your dinner.

No. I said no.

I'm going to write a memoir of motherhood called,

How Is It Only Midday?

God. So, imagine having a baby now.

Well, Ian would have some questions to ask.

He's had the old snip, snip.

Sorry.

Oh, if you knew Ian, you'd...

- FRUSTRATED: - Oh, just take my phone.

Jesus. Mummy's trying to eat.

Is Mummy allowed to eat?

Honestly, she kills me.

Hey.

Hi.

Congratulations.

Baby Alex.

Oh. Thank you.

I was sorry to hear about your loss.

My loss? What did I lose?

Oh, I see. Yeah, right.

I thought you meant my wallet or something.

I thought you meant my wallet or my phone or something.

I was like, what?

They're in my pockets, aren't they?

Yeah...

No, thanks, yeah.

All good, all good.

It is what it is, mate.

- Hey. - Hey.

Aw.

- Thanks for coming. - Yeah.

No, it's great to be here.

How have you been?

How have YOU been, more like?

Sleeping?

Well, sleep's been...

It's not been great, to be honest.

Oh, dear.

Will's been doing bedtime, but it's me that's got to get up

in the night, and whop it out, whack it in his mouth.

Alex is so gorgeous!

Oh, you should see him at 3:00 in the morning.

- I got my latch sorted. - Oh, great.

- Yeah, so that is a big relief. - Yeah.

Hey.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, no, it's...great to be here.

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.

My loss? What did I lose?

Oh...

Sorry, I thought you meant my wallet or something.

When you said loss, I was like, what have I lost?

I've got my phone, got my keys.

Oh, God, yeah...

Uh, thanks, yeah. It's all good.

It's all good.

It is what it is.

Can I get you a drink?

I think you need to find a way to talk about it.

Because all that...

.."I've lost my wallet" stuff...

I mean...

- LAUGHING: - What the fuck?

I was...trying to subtly deflect.

It was incredibly subtle.

Actually, when I think of it,

very, very convincing.

SHE CHUCKLES

Don't.

Sorry.

It's OK.

There's a bit of me that wants Alex to die.

The baby?

You want Nicola's baby to die?

A little bit.

Jesus.

That's so dark.

Yeah, it's really dark.

SHE BREATHES UNEVENLY

KNOCK AT DOOR

Can I do my teeth?

Or can I just literally just grab my toothbrush?

Yeah.

TOILET FLUSHES

Do you know about gut bacteria?

- Do you know about gut bacteria? - Yep. Everyone does.

You have all this bacteria in your guts apparently, and...

Yeah, I know. I said I know.

I don't know the ins and outs, but...

..apparently there's some bacteria that can actually be good for you.

Yep.

- Sorry. - No.

Do you know which room we're in?

Oh. Ah, no. Good point.

Erm, I can check with Marvin.

- I'll call him. - I can call him.

Rose?

Which was why we said, at the time, it was a reliable fund.

The growth was steady for many years.

It was many years, wasn't it?

Uh, yeah, 12 years of steady growth.

And I don't know if you remember - but I'm sure you do -

uh, as a team, we forecasted growth in that fund of 2.5 in year one,

then three, then 2.1.

And what's actually coming in now is, actually,

we're not seeing that.

- Though the future is still open to debate. - Yeah.

Well, if the future's always open to debate, it's the future.

Wasn't what I was saying, but OK.

But, yes, what we are now forecasting for year one

is, erm...

Have you got the figures there?

We've both got the figures.

Do you want to...?

- You carry on. - Yep.

It's actually a shrinkage, in fact, of 0.4.

OK.

OK.

SHE SIGHS

No, thanks.

PHONE RINGS

That'll be Daniel.

PHONE RINGS

PHONE BUZZES

He probably can't sleep or something.

PHONE BUZZES

Do you mind if I move this?

Yeah, feel free.

- Sorry. - Thanks.

Thank you.

Yes. Sorry.

No.

How long have these been sat here?

Yes.

I'm really trying not to put any pressure on you.

All I need is for you to get it hard,

get in in me, and ejaculate.

That's literally it.

Just...

..get it in me, and ejaculate.

I...I don't need it to be enjoyable.

I just need you to ejaculate.

- Shut your eyes. - They are.

Shut your eyes.

They...they are shut.

- Shut them. - I can't.

I've got this, like...

Shut your stupid eyes! I don't want you seeing the dress.

THEY LAUGH

You're so annoying! It's not even funny any more.

Keep them shut, now.

Keep them...

..shut!

HE LAUGHS

Like, she's done a roast.

She spends ages on it.

She seasons the meat night before, has it all day in a slow cooker...

Yeah, no, I know how your mum makes a roast.

I've spent, like, six years now hearing all about

how your mum puts the meat in the slow cooker.

- OK. - Do you know she grows her own carrots?

Here he is!

Oh, no. Go away!

THEY LAUGH

- There was talk of a roast. - Oh, typical!

- Thanks, son. - No, thank you.

- Hello, love. - Here they are!

They want feeding!

Well, there's plenty of food.

I've done a roast.

I'm just going to pop upstairs.

OK, enough! Too much information!

Eh?

You in there?

Yeah.

You OK?

Yep.

Everything will be OK.

I just know it will.

I can't say how I know.

I just know, if that makes sense.

Does that make sense?

Yep.

I just have this, like...

Like an inkling?

SHE BREATHES SHAKILY

Do you want to let me in?

Come on, love, let's have a chat.

Let's go downstairs and have a chat.

SHE SNIFFLES

SHE BREATHES UNEVENLY

She's...she's dishing it out.

- Yeah, I don't give a fuck. - Where are you going to go?

She's done...she's done mac and... She's done mac and cheese!

I need to fucking leave.

ENGINE TURNS OVER

I didn't say anything!

Don't talk to me when I am dealing with...

- You're the one who spoke to her. - ..the most annoying cupboard...

- How's it my fault? - ..in the entire house!

How is this my fault?!

OK. My parents...

OK, my parents are really positive,

calm, constructive people.

I really like that.

I think it's what we need.

They're not like...

Yeah, I don't know.

They're not like what?

Nothing.

Well, you were obviously going to say something.

You know how your parents can be a bit, like...?

I don't just mean your parents.

Your dad's...

..all serious.

Your mum's...your mum.

There's a reason you haven't told them about the losses.

They won't be able to deal with it.

Because yours are dealing with it really well.

OK, let's...let's stop this before it becomes something

we don't want it to become.

Really?

We're just going to stand here and pretend it's OK for people to go on

about some fucking inkling, when we're fucking...

OK.

It's not your mum that had to have a dead foetus sucked out of her.

So, they stand there talking all smiley like a pair of fucking idiots

and they know fuck all.

They know fuck all!

I didn't mean your parents are idiots.

I just meant, the whole thing is idiotic!

I didn't mean they're idiots.

- It's OK. - Sorry.

No, it's...it's fine.

- They're doing their best. - Mm.

I think they just don't know what to say.

Well, that's like...yeah.

- What is there to say? - Hmm, yeah.

Sorry.

- No, don't... - They're just...

- They're inane. - No.

How do you end up, like, that inane?

You OK?

Yeah, no, I'm fine. I just...

Erm...

Do you mind if I say something?

Of course, yeah.

I have to say this, OK? Cos...

I love you, I want to look after you.

So it's my job to be the person to say this to you, but...

..you're not thinking straight.

Am I not?

No.

Sorry.

You don't need to be sorry.

You mean...

..I lost three babies, and I'm not thinking straight?

OK.

Oh, my God, I'm such a klutz.

Sorry I'm so harebrained.

I can't think straight in my silly little girl head,

because my ditzy little womb keeps evacuating babies.

Course I'm not thinking straight.

I had one baby ripped out of me, and another two pouring down my legs.

Why do...why do you expect me to think straight?

How can YOU think straight?

We had three babies growing inside me, and they all died.

One of them was ripped out of me by some procedure that

I don't want to even think about!

And we watched the other two gush down the toilet!

You know what? YOU think straight about that!

Jesus fucking Christ...!

I think the difference is,

I'm able to rationalise it...

No, you're not.

OK.

I am.

Of course you can't rationalise it.

We get pregnant three times, and they all die.

You can rationalise that?

Yeah.

Fuck off.

I can rationalise it.

Of course you can't.

I can rationalise it.

I...I can make sense of it in my brain,

which means I'm able to...

..manage my emotional reaction to it,

without having to go on about it to everyone.

SHE LAUGHS DISBELIEVINGLY

OK.

Rationalise it, then.

Go on.

Rationalise it, because I love rational.

Rational's fucking excellent.

I'd love to find a way to make this all feel fucking rational.

You have to think of this...

..within its place within the cosmos.

Oh, my...

- Fuck off. - No, sorry.

Go on.

Tell me how this all fits within the cosmos. It sounds fantastic.

OK, fuck off.

No, go on. Sorry. Please, rationalise.

Rationalise away. You were saying, the cosmos.

We're just people.

You know?

Really?

OK.

Wow. You thought of that yourself?

Wow, this is like...

This is life-changing.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

You need to write this down, because, you know,

the whole cosmos thing is really deep. That's like...

That's the sort of thing clever people say.

Who cares about the children dying in my stomach?

We're all just part of the cosmos.

TOILET FLUSHES

The cosmos, though. Come on, that's hilarious.

You know that's funny.

Have you been listening to a podcast?

Can you just fuck off?

Seriously. It's fucking rude.

Fuck you!

- Yeah, OK. - Don't call me fucking rude!

I do fucking everything you need.

I've upset my mum.

I do fucking whatever you want me to do,

because I love you, and I'm happy to do it,

because I love you and because I...

I made a vow to you on our wedding day.

But you can't then just turn around and be fucking rude!

You've got two options. You...you...

You can either bend over, let the misery fuck you.

Or you move forward, you stay focused.

Eyes up, level head.

Is that what you're doing?

Yeah.

What was it?

- Move forward... - Move forward, stay focused, eyes up, level head.

How's that going?

It's going well.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I...I've put all the pain through, like...

I imagine that, like...a shredder, a paper shredder, in my head.

I've put all the pain through the shredder.

I've burnt the shreds.

And now that allows me to move forward across the ashes.

You know that's mad, though, yeah?

- It's not. - It is.

It's fucking loopy.

- It works. - It doesn't.

I promise you, it doesn't.

I PROMISE you, it doesn't.

You don't talk about it.

You only talk to your dad about it,

and that's like talking to a two-year-old...

OK, fine. I'm going to talk about it.

I'll talk to fucking everyone about it.

I'll talk to Dave about it.

I'll go around Sainsbury's with a fucking loud-hailer!

Eh? Eh?

- During the sermon, I couldn't keep my eyes off him. - OK, Kevin...

I mean, look at him!

What a guy, eh?

He's got the looks, he's got a daughter, hey?

You are turning me, Alan, my son.

You dangerous beast, eh?

Are you guys all right?

- No. - No.

Is this OK?

Yeah. Thank you.

So, erm...

There's something that I've got tell this guy that I've been seeing,

and, erm...

OK. He's going to hate it.

And I'm...

Let's just...

Shall we start with a prayer?

Yes. Thank you.

Do you want to lead it?

OK.

Help me.

VEHICLE APPROACHES

Thank you.

Sorry I didn't make the restaurant.

No, yeah, don't worry.

I actually really value eating on my own.

- Did the payment go through OK? - Yeah, all good.

Thanks.

And I left the tip.

Because you forgot the tip.

No, I was glad that you didn't add the tip.

It felt nice to leave the tip.

I just wanted to have a little chat.

Uh...

Sorry, do you mind if put this on your book?

Oh, uh...

Are you OK to...

No, yeah, happy to, yeah.

I'm really, like...

I'm really open to, like, discussions and emotions and...

I used to cry quite a lot when I was little, so...

Just fire away.

Anything you need to say, just say it.

- Is this about Singapore? - It's linked, yeah.

- But it's... - Because I'm so excited for you.

Thank you. Yeah.

And I assume you'll get a raise.

- You all right if I open these? - Yeah.

I doubt they'd headhunt you and increase your responsibilities

without a commensurate salary increase.

But if they do, you will need to have a word.

Or I will.

There's, erm, going to be quite a significant raise, yeah.

How significant?

Cos it should probably also be a proportional increase in your bonus.

Why don't you let me take a look at the paperwork?

I can make a plan for the money and...

OK. No.

Are you kidding me?

- What? - What do you mean, what?

I'm trying to help you organise your finances.

OK. No.

- Sleep in the attic. - Excuse me?

Sleep in the attic. Go on, fuck off. Get out my bedroom.

Wow, that's rude.

You're going to have to put the radiator on and turn it to three.

I'm literally trying to help you organise your finances.

Yeah, I know.

It's interesting, though, isn't it, that you won't let me.

Fuck off.

- Very interesting. - Fuck off. Get out my bedroom.

All of my mates have settled down.

I'm the only one.

I'm all alone in the world. Can you imagine how that feels?

I just need the chance to move away, start again.

Take me to Singapore.

I'd love to tell Stephen I'm moving to Singapore.

Here?

Yeah, yeah, good for me.

I don't think there's much, like...

- No, this is fine, isn't it? - Yeah.

Yeah, it's good, yeah.

We're a bit, like, in the middle, but...

What, you want us to have a cosy little corner together?

DAVE CHUCKLES

Sounds serious. Uh-oh.

No. Lots to talk about.

Yeah, there is indeed.

Uh-oh, sounds serious.

THEY LAUGH

Yeah...

Oh...

I needed that.

No, it's lovely.

I've come here a few times during the day.

- I know I should be working, but... - It counts as work.

- It counts as work, right? - Everything counts as work.

I think they do, like, erm...

Yeah.

Thanks for coming out.

No. It's great to be out, really.

I sort of texted you, and I was like...ah!

I know we don't know each other very well.

No. No, I was pleased you asked, actually.

Erm...

The service here's terrible, even when it's empty.

It's mad.

But how are you? You all OK?

Uh, yeah, fine.

- I, uh... - I'm pregnant.

You ready?

Great timing.

Erm, shall I...?

Go ahead.

OK. So, the, uh, halloumi.

Erm...

Oyster mushrooms.

The burrata salad.

Dressing?

Uh...

- On the side? - Mm.

We'll have the dressing on the side, please.

Erm, chickpea kofta.

Lamb skewers.

Uh...

Houmous and baba ghanoush - do they come with flatbreads?

I'm just going to...

And I've...it's been a lot of interviews,

and stress and networking, sadly.

But, erm, I've managed to get a promotion.

Mm. Don't tell Dave that I said that.

Erm, he thinks I was headhunted.

But, erm, it means a move to... Singapore.

Great.

Well, yeah, but...

It's, like, I've got this... baby growing inside of me.

Which feels...amazing.

I'm really sorry.

No.

SHE BREATHES UNEVENLY

OK.

Quite simply...

..Dave isn't capable of fatherhood.

And I'm...

I'm moving to Singapore without him.

I haven't told him yet, because...

..well, he's desperate for me to go to this Matt's wedding.

And, erm...

But the...my question is that,

when it comes to it, because there is a lot of pain in him

and sensitivity, and he's rather vulnerable beneath it all.

You...you know him.

What is the...

..nicest way to dump him?

That's why it's a lot to digest.

Have some more. I'm just... Greedy guts.

Eating for two.

SHE CHUCKLES

- Singapore? - Yeah.

Wow.

She's been headhunted.

- Headhunted? - Yeah.

Oh, wow!

- God, she's fierce, isn't she? - Mm.

She's too good for you.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, yeah. Obviously.

Who isn't?

Ah...

No, it's a...it's a big thing for her.

It's, uh...

Yeah.

She wants me to go with her.

- To...to Singapore? - Yeah.

Well, that's good.

Yeah.

So...

So, you'd move out there and...?

Yeah, yeah.

Settle down.

Well, it's great that she's asked you.

Ha.

What does that mean?

DAVE LAUGHS

Wow, that's...

- Of course she's asked me. - No, I...

You married people are hilarious.

You all...you just can't stand the thought of somebody else...

- Oh, no, no, no... - No, no, I'm joking. I'm joking.

It's all good, mate.

All good.

HE CHUCKLES

How long do you think you'll be out there?

Like, if you...if you moved out there with her this year?

It probably would be this year, yeah.

Erm...

Well, it would be a long term move, professionally,

for Amanda, so, yeah...

Uh...

Permanent?

But I guess you'll...you'll...

You'll come home, what, every few months or so?

What...what would I come home for?

Daniel?

Well, yeah, there's Daniel.

Of course there's Daniel. I'm always thinking of Daniel.

Ha. He'll visit, yeah.

He'll love it out there, yeah.

And my dad.

But, uh, there's nothing else to come home for.

STEPHEN HALF-CHUCKLES

- Well, be good to see the back of you. - Yeah.

Finally.

20 years I've been trying to get rid of you!

THEY LAUGH

GUESTS CHEER

- CHANTING: - Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! Stephen!

OK, thank you.

GUESTS LAUGH

Uh...

STEPHEN CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

When I first met my wife...

GUESTS CHEER

When I first met Lisa...

GUESTS CHEER

OK, OK.

Enough.

LAUGHING: Enough!

Erm...

When I first met Lisa, she... she was actually incredibly rude.

She actually tried to push in front of me in the queue

at the kebab shop.

It...it was pizza.

Yeah.

But, erm...

I knew, uh, as soon as I spoke to her, I...

I knew I wanted to be with this amazing woman

for the rest of my life.

Lisa...

..I'm addicted to you.

Every minute we're not together feels like a waste of a minute.

I found you beautiful the first moment I saw you.

I've found you beautiful every moment since.

LISA LAUGHS

Erm...

I find you beautiful first thing in the morning,

when your breath stinks...

GUESTS LAUGH

Wait, erm...

When your breath stinks and your hair's a mess.

I find you beautiful last thing at night,

when I can't sleep cos you're making me laugh,

and then five minutes later when your snoring kicks in.

GUESTS LAUGH

We stand here today,

and we look at our lives stretched out before us.

And I see us...

..laughing every day,

and getting drunk,

going on amazing holidays.

And I...I know there will be hard times too.

But whatever happens to us...

..however hard we fall, in the most painful moments,

we made the vow today that we will be there for each other.

We will...we will love and look after each other.

Uh, me, the sensible problem solver.

And, you, the...the fun, mad,

uncontainable and unrepeatable one.

GUESTS LAUGH

Nothing could break us apart.

GUESTS COO

GUESTS CHEER

So, I...I'd like to propose a toast.

STEPHEN CHUCKLES

Erm...

To my world,

my life...

..to my wife...

GUESTS CHEER

To Lisa.

- GUESTS: - To Lisa!

GUESTS CHEER

Put her down, you randy old goat!

Hey?

Get a room!

All right, that's it, ladies and gentlemen. That's it.

Uh, the pizza van is now open.

And let's remember it is a free bar, so let's make this a messy one.

GUESTS CHEER

Amanda's pregnant.

Did you see my WhatsApps?

LISA EXHALES

KNIFE CLATTERS

SHE BREATHES UNEVENLY

Amanda's pregnant.

She's going to dump Dave and move to Singapore.

You need to tell him.

We'll destroy the fucking bitch!

STEPHEN GROANS

Jesus...

# Now each one bursts like a volcano

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go

# I grabbed a keyboard and a microphone

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go

# And I

# I just can't believe

# I've found someone the same as me. #

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