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Hey, come on!

♪ It's Friday night

♪ Time to go home now ♪

Bye. Make sure all the doors are locked.

- See you tonight, then. Bye! - Bye!

Hi, Pam!

♪ It's Friday night

♪ Got to get home now

♪ Get myself all smartly dressed ♪

♪ This is the night to look your best

♪ So see you at the dance tonight ♪

♪ Hey, come on, mate

♪ Lend me your comb now

♪ I'm the bloke they're gonna choose

♪ Shine up your winkle-picker shoes ♪

♪ So see you at the dance tonight ♪

♪ Night school all the week

♪ May bring us knowledge

♪ But we learn more tonight

♪ Than we do at college

♪ Our hearts are bright

♪ Brighter than chrome now

♪ We know before we go to bed

♪ We've got a night of fun ahead

- ♪ So see you at the dance tonight ♪

See you at the dance tonight!

♪ See you at the dance tonight ♪

Hi, Jimmy!

See you at the dance!

♪ See you at the dance tonight ♪

♪ Our hearts are bright

♪ Brighter than chrome now

♪ We know before we go to bed

♪ We've got a night of fun ahead

♪ We're gonna have a ball

♪ It's Friday, so welcome, all

♪ And see you at the dance tonight ♪

♪ Well, I got a funny feelin'

♪ That I'm fallin' in love with you

♪ Yes, I got a funny feelin'

♪ That I'm fallin' in love with you

♪ Every day and night

♪ I dream up dreams of you-oo-ooh ♪

- Thank you, I'm ever so... - Jimmy!

♪ That I'm fallin' in love with you ♪

Look, I'm very sorry...

♪ But, my heart, it goes a-bobbin'

♪ Every time I catch a sight of you

♪ Well, my heart, it goes a-bobbin'

♪ Every time I catch a sight of you

♪ Just say the word

♪ And tell me that I'll do-oo-ooh

♪ 'Cause I got a funny feelin'

♪ That I'm fallin' in love with you

♪ Yes, you're the one

♪ Don't try to run

♪ If it turns out right

♪ I'll squeeze you tight

♪ When you're in my arms tonight

♪ You'd better get a funny feelin'

♪ That you're fallin' in love with me

♪ You'd better get a funny feelin'

♪ That you're fallin' in love with me

♪ Just make that date

♪ Baby, you will see

♪ That you're gettin' a funny feelin'

♪ That you're fallin' in love

♪ 'Cause I got a funny feelin'

♪ That you're fallin' in love

♪ 'Cause I got a funny feelin'

♪ That I'm fallin' in love with you ♪

Pah, pah, pah!

Oi, oi, oi, oi! Let's have a bit of hush now

for the right horrible Nicky Black. Here you go, boy.

Listen!

Thank you. Now, listen, if you've all finished,

I think we ought to talk about this "do" we're supposed to be going on,

- three weeks from tomorrow. - Here! Here, Nicky!

Nicky, listen! We won't be here three weeks from tomorrow.

- What? - What did you say?

- I said "we won't be here". - Well, where will we be?

Doesn't anyone perform the act

- of reading daily literature? - Eh?

- You what? - Now, listen. Ssh!

"Big Takeover Deal.

"Skyscraper Office Block for London."

"Today, it was revealed that property magnate Hamilton Black

"has acquired a large site in West London,

"where he is to build a twenty-storey office block.

"Work on the project is to begin immediately."

- Well? What about it? - Well, look.

Here's the plan of the site. Our club is bang in the middle.

- Charming. - Strewth!

- Well, what does that mean to us? - Does that mean they can throw us out?

Yes, according to conveyance laws, it does.

But I shall check on the, er...

legal position at the office tomorrow morning.

Nuts to the legal position!

I say we barricade ourselves in

and bash up anybody who comes to tear the place down. Right?

Yeah!

You'd look marvellous havin' a punch-up with a bulldozer, wouldn't ya?

Look, hold it, hold it!

Hold on! Listen!

If the worst comes to the worst,

surely we can find another club as good?

I mean, let's face it, we love our little hut,

but it's not Buckingham Palace, is it?

For what it would cost us, it might as well be Buckingham Palace.

Hey, anyway, listen! Listen!

There's no use arguing now.

Ernest, you'll have to check the lease tomorrow

and tell us exactly where we stand.

Let's have some music.

- Dance, Toni?

Ah, come on! Cheer up.

It may never happen.

Don't worry. It'll be all right.

I'm all right.

- You know something? - What?

We're gonna lose our club.

Oh, I don't know.

That Hamilton Black's a real monster.

Ah, take it easy. He's no monster.

It's just that he's bought a piece of land

and we're smack bang in the middle of it.

Well, I'm gonna miss it.

We've had so much fun.

Now, look. We don't even know all the facts yet.

There must be something we can do.

Yes, but what? It sounds impossible to me.

Now, look.

I've got some crazy news for you.

♪ Nothin's impossible

♪ If your heart is really in it

♪ It's a fight but you can win it

♪ If only you will trust

♪ Your dreams

♪ Nothin's impossible

♪ No use standin' round and sighin'

♪ If you try and keep on tryin'

♪ Then you'll bring off your wildest schemes

♪ Sing out

♪ State your faith in the human race

♪ Why doubt

♪ Your own personal miracle is

♪ About to take place

♪ Nothin's impossible

♪ Faith can move a slab of granite

♪ Any day we'll reach a planet or two

♪ Yeah, that's what we'll do

♪ Nothin' we can't achieve

♪ Because nothing is impossible

♪ As long as you believe ♪

- Now do you believe me? - Nn-nnn.

♪ Just take Everest, what did they say? ♪

♪ No-one can climb it anyway ♪

♪ Oh yeah? What happened Coronation Day? ♪

♪ I guess nothin' is impossible ♪ ♪ You see, nothin' is impossible ♪

♪ Space, they said we'd never win ♪

♪ They said around the Earth a man could never spin ♪

♪ Ever heard of Major Gagarin? ♪

♪ You see, nothin' is impossible

♪ Impossible? Never! ♪

♪ It's always so easy sayin' "Nothin' can be done"

♪ Don't they realise there's always a prize to be won? ♪

♪ Someone said something couldn't be done ♪

♪ At which point someone went out and did it ♪

♪ The city of Jericho ♪

- Ah, sing it, sister! - ♪ Would not admit defeat

- ♪ And that's why General Joshua ♪ - What did Joshua say?

♪ Said, "Sound retreat!" ♪

♪ Then just at that moment

♪ Those trumpets hit

♪ That rock 'n' roll beat ♪

♪ And down came the wall

♪ As you'll doubtless recall

♪ With an almighty fall proving once and for all

♪ Nothin' is impossible

♪ Nothing is impossible

♪ Nothing is impossible

♪ Nothing's impossible ♪

♪ Why doubt

♪ Your own personal miracle is

♪ About to take place ♪

♪ Nothing's impossible

♪ Faith can move a slab of granite

♪ Any day, we'll reach a planet or two

♪ That's what we'll do

♪ Nothin' we can't achieve

♪ Because nothing is impossible ♪

As long as you can let me have some sleep!

♪ Nothing is impossible ♪

♪ As long as you believe ♪ ♪ Nothing is impossible ♪

- ♪ As long as you believe ♪ - ♪ Nothing is impossible ♪

♪ As long as you... ♪ Good night.

Good night.

Hi, Pop.

Oh, hello, Nicky,

I thought you were going to be in for dinner?

- Oh, oh, something came up. - You might have telephoned.

I'm sorry.

You see we made the headlines again today?

I see you have, Pop.

Well, what's mine is yours.

Or will be, one day.

'Course, what I really wanted, you see,

was that site in Trafalgar Square.

People are always so absurdly sentimental

about anything to do with Nelson.

Anyway, we shan't be bothered with all those damn pigeons.

You never told me you were gonna buy up half Paddington.

- Why? - Because, in a deal like this,

the fewer people who know I'm interested, the better.

Once they know that I'm interested,

up go the price I have to pay for the site, my boy.

Secret attack, that's the great thing.

The commanders in the field capture the various sites

without disclosing for whom they're fighting.

Very often, they don't even know themselves.

Only when the whole operation is complete

does the defeated enemy realise, for the first time,

the name of the genius who planned the war

and, incidentally, the war memorial.

- What do you think of it, eh? - It's, er...

very impressive, Pop, but...

You don't think there are too many office blocks in London already?

There are never too many office blocks in London.

Offices breed offices. They're like rabbits.

Now, then, here's a map of the battlefield.

The bits in pink are where we fought...

and won.

Wow! You've been working overtime, Pop.

- What's this little piece? - Hmm?

Lot 159. Ah.

That was the biggest bargain of the lot, my boy.

That was a youth club. Well, it still is.

As a matter of fact, the lease has another fortnight to run.

What made you ask about that?

Oh, nothing. It's just that... Well, it's rather in the middle of things.

Very observant of you.

That was the one place

where the enemy might have halted my attack.

They had the artillery. Luckily, they didn't know how to use it.

What sort of artillery, Pop?

There's a joker in the lease.

But, to find it, they would have had to have

something that I had and they hadn't.

- What's that? - My lawyer.

It'd take a keen legal brain to find it,

and I wasn't up against a keen legal brain, Nicky.

I was up against a crowd of untidy adolescents,

milling around in their leather jackets, brandishing bicycle chains.

Father, have you ever been to a youth club?

No. And I take jolly good care not to go.

I'd be much too frightened of getting coshed.

And if there's any coshing to be done, you wanna be the one to do it.

Good night, Pop.

Nicky, you shouldn't say things like that to your own father!

Perfectly true, of course.

- Good morning! - Good morning, Nicholas.

- Morning. - Good morning, sir.

- Good morning! - Good morning.

Er, switchboard? Give me Dench, Dench & Dench, please.

Yes, sir.

Dench, Dench & Dench. Good morning.

Your call to Dench, Dench & Dench, sir.

Good morning. This is Hamilton Black.

Put me through to Mr Dench, please.

One moment, Mr Black.

Mr Dench? There's a Mr Black on the line for you.

Hi there, Mr Dench.

Mr Black? Er... Is Mr Black on the line?

Mr Black?

Oh, good morning, Mr Black!

How nice to hear from you.

Well, what can I do for you today, sir?

Ah, Dench. Put down that cup of tea and listen to me.

You were saying, sir?

Now, look here, Dench. That youth club property.

There's not going to be another loophole in the lease, is there?

- There isn't one, Mr Black. - Oh?

- There wasn't one? - It was the master.

It was the master lease. Oh, yes, of course, yes.

Thank you.

Ernest! Ernest!

- Good night, Ernest. - Good night, sir.

Don't forget to lock up.

Oh, hi, Ernest!

- What are you doing here? - I just popped in on my way home.

I, um... I wondered if you'd looked at that lease yet?

After careful consideration,

I regret to say there's nothing in it at all

that can help the club.

Oh, that's too bad.

Are you sure?

The trained legal mind

does not overlook the exploration of any avenue.

There couldn't be any other...

papers dealing with this, could there?

Only the master.

Ah, there is the master lease, of course.

That must be a pretty hot file, huh?

Oh, excuse me.

- Of course.

Yes, the master lease...

Well, that's about it.

Nothing, really, for the trained mind.

Any questions?

Does that mean we can keep the club for another five years?

- Oh, yes. There's a renewal clause. - And nobody can stop us.

All we have to do is claim the lease.

Anyway, I'd love to see Mr Hamilton Black's face

when he finds out!

They've done what?!

Er, if you remember, Mr Black,

I did point out that the clause existed,

and that they could claim an extension.

Yes, but you said they'd never realise it.

I allowed myself to be persuaded.

I want to know how they found out.

I, er... I don't know. I received this letter,

taking up the option, and quoting

clause 76 of the master lease.

But I can't go ahead and build

with that monstrosity in the middle of the block.

There must be some way out. What do I pay you for, Dench?

Listen, I'll tell you what you do.

Write to them. Ask them to come to see me

in my office, tomorrow evening, at half past five.

Well, I suppose they could be working.

It's much more likely they're polishing their coshes.

Make it half past six.

Toni, it's quarter past six.

It's bad to keep a man like Hamilton Black waiting.

We can't leave without Nicky.

But what's happened to him?

Oh!

- Nicky, what's happened? - Oh, it's nothing.

A slipped something or other, the doctor called it.

Comes over me on thundery days. Ooh!

Shouldn't we go and see Hamilton Black?

- Don't worry. I'll be all right. - Here.

- You can't go like that. - Oh, but I must. Oh, I must. Oh...

No, I insist. Ernest will handle it. It's his department.

Yes, but of course.

Well, if you insist, Toni, yes.

- You rest here for a while. - Mm-hmm.

Come on, Barbara, Ernest.

- Sure you'll be all right? - Oh, yes, yes.

- Milk and sugar? - No, thank you.

I expect you're wondering why I asked you all to call.

Well, as your new landlord, I wanted to welcome you.

- Welcome us? - That's right.

You're renewing your club lease, aren't you?

That's right.

It'll be lovely to have your beautiful hut

right in the middle of my block.

Well...

all we need now, of course,

is your cheque.

Cheque?

Yes, the late Mr Simpkin paid fifteen hundred pounds

for a five-year tenancy.

You'll need the same amount, of course.

Oh, but we only paid six pounds a week.

Ah, well, that'll be a repayment to the late Mr Simpkin's estate.

- And we can't go on the same way? - Of course, my dear.

All you have to do is to find, in the next eleven days,

someone who will lend you, at no interest rate,

with no security, fifteen hundred pounds.

- Fifteen hundred quid?! - That's what I said.

Do have a cake.

No?

Oh, they're delicious. You don't know what you're missing.

And that seems to be fifteen hundred good reasons

why I shan't hear any more of the late Mr Simpkin

or his youth club.

I must say, it was rich. Very rich indeed.

- You should have been there, my boy. - Yes.

Yes, I should have.

Anyway, I still think it was a pretty dirty trick, Pop.

I certainly hope so.

It's time those young thugs got what was coming to them, for once.

"Thugs"?!

Thugs, hoodlums. That's all they are, aren't they?

I don't approve of youth clubs, you know.

They're just places where they can go and plot some more mischief.

Anyway, I wanted that bit of land.

Well, has it never occured to you that they need that bit of land, too?

Otherwise, they wouldn't fight you like this.

They'll be able to stop fighting now, won't they,

and find somewhere else. That shouldn't be difficult.

All they need is a grubby little scout hut,

somewhere where they can take out their flick-knives,

and carve their initials on the walls.

Pop, it is not "a grubby little hut".

They've painted it and they've decorated it themselves.

They've wired it for electricity, and they've even saved up enough money

to build an amplifier and buy records....

You seem to know a lot about them and their hut, my boy.

No more than any other club member, Father.

Did you say "club member"?

Yes. That's what I said.

Are you telling me you're one of those hoodlums?

That's right.

And to bring the record up to date,

I also found out about the Simpkins master lease for our club.

You irresponsible young idiot! You might have wrecked my entire plan.

Well, that was the general idea.

My own flesh and blood, trying to stab me in the back!

Er... Pretty large target, you have to admit.

That's not the sort of joke I appreciate, Nicholas.

I should have thought that I could have expected some loyalty from you.

If not as your father, at least as your employer.

I've a good mind to sack you on the spot.

From the firm, sir? Or just from the family?

Don't be impertinent.

I shall require your assurance that, as far as you're concerned,

- this nonsense is now over. - I'm sorry, Pop. I can't do that.

In fact, as far as I'm concerned,

the fight is only just starting.

- Now look here, Nicky... - I think what you're doing is wrong.

This is something I believe in, and I intend going through with it.

You mean going under with it.

Maybe I do. At least it's something worth fighting for.

I'm sick and tired of being Nicholas Hamilton Black, Junior,

licking the stamps in my father's firm.

From now on, I'm Nicky Black,

and I'm in business on my own.

Good for you.

I was wondering how long you'd sit and take it.

Carry on. If it's a fight you're after, I'm your man.

You won't win, but it's good experience for you.

- Er... Pop? - Yes?

Before we go to our corners and come out fighting,

- can I ask you one thing? - Of course.

- I'm still your father. - Yeah.

Can you lend me fifteen hundred pounds?

You rang, sir?

Yes, put me out my black coat and my dark trousers, will you?

I'm going to my club.

Er... And a shirt and jeans.

I'm going to mine.

Can I drop you somewhere, Father?

But you never said anything to any of us.

Well, when I joined the club,

I wanted to be something different from just Hamilton Black's son.

I guess I just wanted to be myself.

Now, of course, it's got a bit more complicated.

I mean, it's just reached a point

where I guess I oughta tell everyone the truth, and...

Well, I wanted to tell you first.

I know, but, Nicky, don't tell the others.

- Why not? - Well, imagine trying to explain to Chris

that you're a millionaire's son.

Can you see him cheering you on?

No, I suppose not.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

I'm just afraid.

Fifteen hundred pounds is so much money to raise.

Oh, it'll sort itself out.

Besides, it's nothing to be scared of.

Come on.

♪ The young ones

♪ Darlin', we're the young ones

♪ And young ones

♪ Shouldn't be afraid

♪ To live

♪ And love

♪ While the flame is strong

♪ For we won't be

♪ The young ones

♪ Very long

♪ Tomorrow

♪ Why wait until tomorrow?

♪ 'Cause tomorrow

♪ Sometimes never comes

♪ So love

♪ Me

♪ There's a song to be sung

♪ And the best time

♪ Is to sing it

♪ While we're young

♪ Once in every lifetime

♪ Comes a love like this

♪ Oh, I need you

♪ You need me

♪ Oh, my darlin', can't you see

♪ Young dreams

♪ Should be dreamed together

♪ And young hearts

♪ Shouldn't be afraid

♪ And some

♪ Day

♪ When the years have flown

♪ Darlin', then we'll

♪ Teach the young ones

♪ Of our own

♪ Once in every lifetime

♪ Comes a love like this

♪ I need you

♪ You need me

♪ Oh, my darlin', can't you see

♪ Young dreams

♪ Should be dreamed together

♪ And young hearts

♪ Shouldn't be afraid

♪ And some

♪ Day

♪ When the years have flown

♪ Darlin', then we'll

♪ Teach the young ones

♪ Of our own ♪

Hey, Ernie.

So that's why he called us in.

To gloat over us.

Where could we get fifteen hundred quid?

Maybe I could ask my boss for a rise.

No, that's enough of that kind of talk.

Come on, snap out of it.

Yes, we'll think of something.

If only we had more time.

But not in eleven days.

I've got an idea.

Suppose we do a show?

- Bah! - Hey!

What was that about a show?

Yes, we can put on a show to raise the money.

- Crazy! - Wait! Wait a minute!

The most we could raise is what?

Fifty pounds.

Well, that's marvellous.

We'll rehearse the show for nine days,

put it on for two nights,

and play it fifteen times nightly.

Who'd wanna see a bunch of kids like us, anyway?

Why, I don't know. Maybe...

Why, other kids!

Sure, kids from all over town!

And we can take a big theatre for one night!

- Yeah! - And I'll play Cleopatra!

We'll get other clubs to help us.

Yeah! And I'll play Cleopatra!

I reckon we've got something.

Yeah, let's show Hamilton Black he's dealing not just with a few of us,

- but with every young kid in town. - And Cleopatra!

♪ You've heard of those Three Musketeers

♪ Immortalised by Alexander Dumas ♪

- Yeah, we've heard rumours!

♪ And Arthur and his Guinevere's

♪ Adventures at the Table Round at Camelot ♪

- Why, yeah. - So what?

♪ Call them square and oblong, acidly

♪ Nevertheless, it's true

♪ That the Mavericks and the Hop'long Cassidys

♪ Say the same thing, too

♪ And what they say

♪ Is gonna win the day

♪ For me and thou and thee

♪ And also you

♪ All for one, one for all

♪ Let our voices unite for

- ♪ All for one... ♪ - One for all!

♪ Now, we've something to fight for

♪ Fair or foul may be the weather

♪ We can face it

♪ If we stick together

♪ If we stand side by side

♪ Then there's no-one can beat us

♪ Marching forward with pride

♪ There's no power can defeat us

♪ Loud and clear as a trumpet calls ♪

Sing!

♪ All for one and one for all ♪

Let's go!

Hey!

Come on, then, darlin'.

- Swinging! - Here we go!

Quick march!

All for one and one for all.

United we stand, divided we fall.

Side by side, till the battle's won,

for two strong hearts are better than one.

It's all for one and one for all. United we stand, divided we fall!

Hurrah!

♪ All for one, one for all

♪ Let our voices unite, for

♪ All for one, one for all

♪ We have something to fight for

♪ Fair or foul may be the weather

♪ No matter what the future brings we know that

♪ We can face it

♪ If we stick together

♪ If we stand side by side, and the bells are ringin'

♪ Then there's no-one can beat us

♪ Marching forward with pride, we are young and swingin'

♪ There's no power can defeat us

♪ Loud and clear as a trumpet calls ♪

Sing!

♪ All for one ♪

♪ We're unbeatable ♪

♪ All for one ♪

♪ Undefeatable ♪

♪ All for one

♪ And one for all ♪

"Youth club challenges Hamilton Black!"

Read all about it!

Gimme one of those, will you?

Thank you.

Here, let's have one of those, please.

Whaddaya know?! We made the papers!

Look, fellas! Fellas, look! Look, we made the papers! Look!

- We've seen it. We've seen it. - Feed your face!

And listen, we're talking about the show.

Listen, Barbara, I know you went to drama school,

- but-but can you direct? - Well, sure. That's no problem.

Listen, Toni, can you fix up the kids with some dances?

I'd love to, but do you think I can do it?

- Yes! - Sure, you can!

No, no, you need more than dances for a show.

You need... You need songs.

Well, Nicky's just written a song for us.

That's right. Let's get back to the club, and I'll sing it to you.

Wait a minute, Nicky.

You must remember that you have an appointment

with the manager of the Countess Theatre.

The Co...? Ah, that's ridiculous!

When our school put on Winnie-the-Pooh there,

- it cost 'em a fortune.

Here, what are we gonna do for money?

Now, listen. I have a very interesting proposal

that I think the management will find very acceptable.

And it is this.

We will allow the theatre five per cent of the profits.

- I think maybe ten per cent. - Twenty.

- Fifteen. - Fifteen.

- Fifteen. - Yeah.

Done. Right, fifteen per cent of the profits,

which we will endeavour to obtain

after the overhead costs have been deducted

from our small, but nevertheless noble contribution

- to the world of art. - Very good.

Yes, well, we'd better get to the theatre.

Come on, Toni, let's go.

- See you back at the club. - Bye.

Bye, Nicky. Bye, Toni. We'll have rehearsal when you get back.

Yes, now, listen. We must get back to the club.

We've got some very important things to discuss.

- Oh, sure. - Right, coming?

- Come on. - Come on, Christopher.

Okay, gentlemen. I think I'll come along for the ride.

Okay, Maverick. We'll see ya.

- Oh, what did they say? - They said "yes"!

- We've got the Countess Theatre. - Hurray!

Okay, we've got everything the way we want it.

Let's hear your number, Nicky. Come on.

Well, it's a duet for Toni and me. Hey, Bruce, Jet, d'you know the chords?

- Yeah. - Okay, come on, Bruce.

♪ First you cuddle up beside me

♪ Nice and near

♪ Then you whisper all the things

♪ I long to hear

♪ That's the first

♪ Lesson in love

♪ Mmm-mm-mm-mm mm-mm

♪ That's how you start

♪ Then you put your two sweet lips

♪ On mine like this

♪ And you learn the magic

♪ Of a tender kiss

♪ That's the next

♪ Lesson in love

♪ Mmm-mm-mm-mm mm-mm

♪ Give me your heart

♪ It's so easy

♪ When you know how

♪ Oh, my darlin'

♪ Let me show you now

♪ Then you whisper "I love you"

♪ So sweetly

♪ And I'll know you've learned it all

♪ Completely

♪ That's the last

♪ Lesson in love ♪

Well, this must be the place.

You're kidding, Eddie. Me, here?

I'm tellin' you, honey, you're gonna get more publicity out of this

than anything you've ever done before.

- You think so? - You just listen to little old Eddie, eh?

- All righty. Let's meet the people, eh?

Okay.

♪ Now it's up to you

♪ Baby, love me do ♪

My name is Dorinda Morell. How do you do?

Um... H-H-How do you do?

- And this is Eddie, my manager. - Hiya, kids.

Hello!

What can we do for you, Miss Morell?

Oh, mine is a small talent, I know,

but if it can be of service in such a worthy cause?

Well, that would be crazy.

Oh, I'm not crazy. Just a small contribution.

I'm only a girl, just like any other.

"I'm just a girl...

- "like any other!"

What a darlin', eh?

I'm not joking, I still can't believe we got Dorinda Morell for the show.

Yes, we won't have any difficulty at all in selling our tickets to the public.

Okay, what about the songwriting?

- We've got nowhere. - Wait a minute!

Just a sec. We've been working very hard here.

- We have a song entitled... - "Teenage Mama".

But we need a bit of backing, so if you'll help us?

- Yup, right. - Three, four!

I love your teenage mama.

I dig you the most.

I love ya in the mornin'.

When you want me to make some toast.

- That's the one!

Look, I could give up with you people!

Dorinda Morell is coming down here in an hour's time for rehearsal.

She's the star of this show,

- and we've got absolutely nothing for her. - Yeah, she's right.

And what about you, Nicky?

You wrote a marvellous song for Toni. Why can't you do one for her?

Well, that's different. I know Toni. I don't know Dorinda Morell.

- I'll have to introduce him sometime!

Well, if we haven't got something pretty good

in exactly an hour's time, she just won't stay with us,

and the show'll be off, so get busy.

- Now, come on, now. - No, seriously, this is serious.

♪ Oh, my darlin'

♪ Let me show you now ♪

♪ Then I whisper "I love you"

♪ So sweetly ♪

♪ And I'll know you've learned it all

♪ Completely ♪

♪ That's the last

♪ Lesson in love

♪ Now it's up to you

- ♪ Baby, love me do ♪

- Great! That's great.

Nicky, Eddie's been talking to me. I think he's got a point.

- Oh, what about? - That song.

You oughta do that with Dorinda.

That's a great song for the, er...

- star of the show. - But, Eddie, it's her song!

It's your duty to your public, honey.

But I wrote this song for Toni.

Well, that's show business, Nicky boy.

But... I can't do that.

- Well, it's Toni's song. - Nicky, you must.

Eddie's right. It's the song for the star of the show.

Dorinda's the star, not me.

All right, everybody. Let's rehearse it, shall we?

- Oh, but, Eddie... - Rehearse it, shall we?

♪ First you cuddle

♪ Up beside me

♪ Nice and near

♪ Then you whisper

♪ All the things I long to hear

♪ That's the first

♪ Lesson in love

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh

♪ That's how you start

♪ It's so easy

♪ When you know how

♪ Oh, my darling

♪ Let me show you now

♪ Then you put your two sweet lips

♪ On mine like this

♪ And you learn the magic

♪ Of a tender kiss

♪ That's the last

♪ Lesson in love

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh

♪ Give me your heart ♪

Now, what is that supposed to be?

Two Eskimos saying good night?

You're supposed to kiss her, Nicky boy, not rub noses!

Of course, if you find me unattractive...

No, no, it's... not that.

Then shall we do the last bit again, huh?

♪ Then you put your two sweet lips

♪ On mine like this

♪ And you learn the magic

♪ Of a tender kiss

♪ That's the last

♪ Lesson in love

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh

♪ Give me your heart ♪

♪ He didn't have to kiss her like that

♪ Though I know it's part of the play

♪ But he never kissed me that way

♪ It's no use fooling myself

♪ Only too clearly I see

♪ Try as I may to explain it away

♪ Nicky just doesn't love me

♪ And yet I know

♪ This isn't so

♪ For I know deep inside

♪ That all that took a fall was just

♪ My pride

♪ Because there's no-one for me

♪ No-one but Nicky

♪ No other boy

♪ Gives me that thrill

♪ I know that he

♪ Would not deceive me

♪ Yet in my heart I love him still

♪ Some happy day

♪ When we are older

♪ Head on his shoulder

♪ I want to be

♪ No-one for me

♪ No-one but Nicky

♪ I know that he

♪ He's the boy for me

♪ No-one for me

♪ No-one but Nicky

♪ I know that he's

♪ The boy for me ♪

Hey, miss.

- You from this crowd here? - Yes.

- Telegram for you. All right? - Oh, thank you.

- Hey, come on, everybody! - What?

Listen to this!

"Come to my office at six-thirty tonight,

- "Hamilton Black." - Wonder what he wants?

Maybe he wants to see the show, and can't get a ticket!

- Well, whatever it is, we'd better hurry.

We've only got twenty minutes.

- Right. Coming, Nicky? - Oh... Well, it's my back, you see.

No, he can't. I mean, we've got to keep rehearsals going.

After all, there is a show to do.

Yeah, that's right. Well, you can manage.

I'll go through the song again with Dorinda.

Yes, you do just that.

Come on, or we'll be late.

Well, now, I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting,

but I'm afraid I have a little disappointment for you.

Your show can't go on.

You cannot appear at the Countess Theatre.

And why not?

Because I happen to have purchased it this afternoon.

Lock, stock, and barrel.

But surely we can have it next Saturday?

Next Saturday?

Next Satur... No, I'm afraid I have a use for it next Saturday.

We're starting up bingo on rather a large scale.

- Bingo? - Bingo.

Then what can we do?

You'll just have to cancel your little entertainment.

- But we can't. - Why not?

The tickets are all sold.

Well, you can give the money back, can't you?

- You can't do this. - I don't see why not, my dear.

- Have you got a contract? - No.

- An agreement? A lease? - No.

You certainly have no claim, except on the kindness of the owner.

Unfortunately, I am a brute.

- But what about our show? - Your show, young woman,

is off.

- Well, what are we gonna do, then? - Oh, we'll get an idea.

Ah, let's face it. We're beat.

Hey, I think I know where there's a theatre.

- Where? - Well, it was... I don't know.

It was somewhere I used to live when I was a kid.

Well, come on, then!

I don't know, it was all boarded up, anyway.

- Oh, come on! - Where is it?

- All right. You got a map? - Yeah, sure, sure.

Come on, then. We'll see if we can find it.

We can pick the kids up on the way.

- Get ready! - One, two, three...

Hey, stop, stop! Stop!

Is that it over there?

- Where? - What?

Yeah, that's it!

Oh, it's falling apart at the seams!

All right, come on. Let's go.

Ah, Nick, you must be jokin' about this old fleapit.

You couldn't put a show on there.

Look, give us a break, Chris.

Let's get inside and see what it's like first.

- Yeah. - Can't see a thing through here.

Well, let's get these doors done. We can see what's inside.

Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas. I hope you realise

that breaking into a place like this

constitutes an illegal act.

You're right. You're right. He's right! He's right!

Break down the door!

Nah, there's an easier way in than that.

Look, over the wall. Here you are, hold this.

Here we go. Over!

James, what's the matter?

I-I think I got stage fright.

Oh, James. Surely you're being a little premature, aren't you?

I mean, look.

- We haven't got a stage. - No.

- We haven't got props... - No.

- ...lights, costumes, make-up, script... - No, no, no, no.

- We haven't got anything. - Yeah, that's what I'm frightened about.

Oh, James...

- We can do it! - Yeah!

Hey, what are you doing?

Well, come on, let's have a look.

Nah, wasting your time.

- Cor blimey! - Hey, Chris. Here's your jacket, mate.

Ah, come on. Let's get out of here!

Come on, let's have a look at it, at least.

I like it!

Look! Seats!

- Hey, look, there's a bar. - Yeah, isn't it great?

Hey, look at that stage!

- Nicky, we can hear you from... - Ah, look at this auditorium.

Isn't it great?

Ooh! It's very homely, innit?

I think we've got something here.

- Would you like a seat, sir? - Thank you.

- Programme for the next show? - Oh, thank you.

- Coffee in the interval, sir? - Oh, do me a favour!

You must be jokin', Nicky!

Well, I think it's a great theatre.

You just don't have any imagination. Come on, all it needs

- is a bit of paint here and there. - Sure, that's all it needs.

And we can do so much to this place.

- Ah, but there's more to it than that. - Hey, look at this.

How can we put on a show in a junkyard like this?

We need costumes and scenery.

Oh, well, we've got some costumes here.

Must be about a hundred years old.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - Thank you!

At least we've got something.

Yeah! Hey, look, there's some scenery on stage.

- Let's see what it's like. - Yeah, let's.

Get back, you fools! Get back, ha ha!

En garde!

- Touché!

Hey, look at that, Nicky! It's working! Hey up!

Hey, Jimmy, try the lights.

Right!

Well, it's not that one, is it?

James...

We got lights!

Yeah, we got scenery, too. Look!

And we got props.

Yeah, we've even got some costumes.

Do you think we can do it?

Why not? We've got just about everything we need.

♪ Take a kid who can sing

♪ A song with a zing

♪ That makes a whole audience glow

♪ Add some dancers in tights

♪ Some costumes, some lights

♪ And whaddaya know?

♪ You've got a show

♪ A comic whose nose

♪ Is red as a rose

♪ Whose tie can revolve on its bow ♪

♪ He'll laugh and he'll clown

♪ Then he'll fall down

♪ And whaddaya know?

♪ You've got a show

♪ One moment you're goin' berserk and

♪ It's one of those terrible days

♪ Next moment, the magic, it's working ♪

Hurray!

♪ And that's show business

♪ To coin a phrase

♪ Some gals and some guys

♪ With stars in their eyes

♪ A spirit of "get up and go"

♪ A curtain will rise

♪ And to our surprise ♪

♪ Well, whaddaya know?

♪ We've got a show ♪

Overture and beginners, please! Beginners, on stage!

Come along there, girls! Light it up!

Okay, house lights down!

Here we go!

Hey, the nose!

♪ Have a smile for everyone you meet

♪ And everyone will have a smile for you ♪

♪ Every mile along life's busy street

♪ Is filled with friendship true ♪

♪ Each tomorrow brings new sorrows

♪ So why borrow tears?

♪ The thing to do is

♪ Have a smile for everyone you meet

♪ And they will have a smile for you ♪

And now, ladies and gentlemen, a little recitation entitled...

I say, I say, I say!

Kindly don't interrupt while I'm entertaining the people.

I've just been playing cards with some Africans.

Oh, really? Zulus?

No, I won five pounds!

♪ Tinkle tinkle tinkle

♪ What did the raindrops sprinkle

♪ Tie a little bow to your dancing shoes

♪ And the sun will shine ♪

Oh!

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

Britain's answer to the Americans, Vernon and Irene Castle,

Fred and Ada Tower!

I say, I say, I say!

My wife's just gone on holiday to the West Indies.

Oh, really? Jamaica?

No, she went of her own accord!

Me proud beauty!

Desist!

Unhand that woman!

Sir, you are a cad!

♪ He's very well known is Algy

♪ To the ladies on the stage

♪ Such a jolly good chap is Algy

♪ Just now he's all the rage ♪

- ♪ And a jolly big favourite ♪ - ♪ Algy ♪

♪ With the barmaids at "the Cri" ♪

♪ He's very well known is Algy ♪

♪ As the Piccadilly Johnny with the little glass eye ♪

♪ Ginjah, Ginjah, they all know Captain Ginjah

♪ Jolly old pot, very hot

♪ Ninety-five in the shade, what what

♪ I love the ladies

♪ Not one of 'em would I injure

♪ All the girlies go for Gin

♪ Gin-Gin-Gin-Gin-Ginjah! ♪

Right!

Left!

Right!

Left!

♪ Joshua, Joshua

♪ Why don't you call and see Mama

♪ She'll be pleased to know

♪ That you're my best beau

♪ Joshua, Joshua

♪ Sweeter than lemon squash you are

♪ Oh by gosh you are

♪ Joshu-oshua, ooh! ♪

♪ Where did you get that hat?

♪ Where did you get that tile? ♪

♪ Isn't it a nobby one?

♪ It's just the proper style ♪

♪ I should like to have one

♪ Just the same as that ♪

- ♪ Where e'er I go they shout ♪ - Hello!

♪ "Where did you get that hat?" ♪

♪ La-da-dum, la-da-dee

- ♪ La-da-da... ♪

Lor, Mr Perkins!

How you did startle me!

You carry on with your dusting.

And don't forget that this is the day

when the home of Mr Armitstead,

the billionaire recluse, must look extra...

Smart!

Must look extra...

Smart!

Smart.

'Specially as his five closest relatives

are all here at his invitation.

And they all hate him,

because he's going to cut them out of his will

in five minutes from now.

- I wonder who that can be?

I say, there's a man outside the door with a dog called Fred.

Oh really? What's the man's name?

- Please notice our feet... - ...never leave our ankles.

Fred Astaire gave us this step.

Boy was he glad to get rid of it.

- Shall we dance? - Make a change!

♪ Mr Arthur Murray

♪ We could use you in a hurry♪

Let's go now!

Let's go!

♪ A poor kitchen maid

♪ Unloved and unpaid

♪ There's a ball, and she's longin' to go

♪ A fairy with a spell

♪ A Prince Charmin' as well

♪ And whaddaya know?

♪ You got a show! ♪

♪ Two families fight

♪ And then, some dark night

- ♪ Young Juliet meets Romeo ♪ - Oh! Oh! Oh!

♪ Add some dancers inside

♪ Move it to the West Side

♪ And whaddaya know?

♪ You got a show ♪

♪ One moment you're going berserk and

♪ It's one of those terrible days

♪ Next moment, the magic, it's working

♪ And-that's-show-busi-ness

♪ To-coin-a-phrase ♪

♪ So strike up the band

♪ The feeling is grand

♪ As into adventure we go ♪

♪ The curtain will rise

♪ And to our surprise

♪ Whaddaya know? We got a...

♪ Whaddaya know? We got a...

♪ Whaddaya know? We got a...

♪ Whaddaya know? He's got a... ♪

♪ Cryin' talkin' sleepin' walkin'

♪ Livin' doll ♪

♪ We've got a

♪ Great and glorious

♪ Gay, uproarious

♪ What do you know?

♪ We got a show ♪

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Right, pliés and...

one, two, three,

up, two, three,

point and close.

Developpé.

One, two, three,

two, two, three, to the side,

three, two, three, to the back,

four... oh!

Hey, wanna hear some news?

- Yeah, let's hear the worst. - What happened?

The theatre belongs to an old lady in Glasgow.

- I've just rung her up. - What did she say?

She says we can have it for nothing.

No, I'm not joking. She says we can have it for nothing,

as long as it's for a good cause.

All we have to do is clean it, and it's ours.

- Hey, that's great! - Marvellous!

Great! Let's get back to rehearsals.

- Right!

Dig those legs!

Well, we can't all be singers, can we?

I think we'll do some enchaînements.

Oh, no, I wanna do some big jumps.

All right. And... One, two, three, four.

- Listen, we've forgotten something. - What?

Well, how are we gonna tell all the people about the theatre?

Advertise.

Yeah! With posters all over the town.

And sandwich boards. We can all go round in sandwich boards.

Oh, look, who's gonna see us, Chris? About three people.

Well, what about the telly?

No, no, that's gonna cost a lot of money. No.

Television...

Wait a minute! I've got an idea.

What?

Does anybody know how we can get hold of an old radio transmitter?

What do you want one of them for?

Never mind. Does anybody know how to get hold of one?

Yeah, well, I... I know an old junk shop,

and they've got all that sort of stuff.

No, but fixing up a radio transmitter,

that's gonna take an awful lot of money.

How much?

Well, there's the valves and the batteries...

- At least thirty bob.

We're in business.

If we do get one, do you know how to work it?

Yeah, just plug it in and turn it on.

Good. We'll need your tape recorder.

- Yes. - Bring 'em both to the club tonight.

- Hey, what for? - Don't argue.

Bring them to the club tonight and I'll tell you then.

What does he want a radio transmitter for?

♪ When the girl in your arms

♪ Is the girl in your heart

♪ Then you've got everything

♪ When you're holding the dream

♪ You've been dreaming you'd hold

♪ You're as rich as a king

♪ So hold her tight

♪ And never let her go

♪ Day and night

♪ Let her know you love her so

♪ With the love of your life

♪ Spend a lifetime of love

♪ Make her yours for evermore

♪ So hold her tight

♪ And never let her go

♪ Day and night

♪ Let her know you love her so

♪ With the love of your life

♪ Spend a lifetime of love

♪ Make her yours for evermore

♪ Make her yours for evermore ♪

Cut it!

Great! It's a knockout!

I want a pound of them tomatoes.

Well, you can't have a pound of them tomatoes, love.

- They're out of season. - Out of season?!

But how can they be out of season when you've got 'em in the box, then?

Yeah, well, we've had a very hard summer.

I'll have a pound of them, mate.

Nah, African foot-rot.

- African foot-rot? - Shocking!

It'll make your hair curl, love. Just leave 'em alone, eh?

Terrible. Here, look 'ere!

If you don't want the goods, don't muck 'em about.

But I do want 'em. I wanna buy 'em.

- That's what I come here for. - Yeah, don't muck 'em about anyway.

Here, look, love, here's a present for your baby.

One for your baby, one for your old man,

- good day, God bless. - Go on, ta-da, darlin'.

You're crackers, that's what's wrong with you.

- You're crackers! - Go on, get out of it!

- Who's your friend?

Here, where's Toni?

I dunno. She said she'd be here. Oh, here she is.

Sorry I'm late, I had trouble getting the aerial.

- All right, let's get to work, then. - Right, let me stick in...

- Where's the mic? - The mic? Er, the mic...

It's amongst the oranges somewhere.

- Just there. - Here we are.

- Put it close to your lips. - Okay.

- Ready, Chris? - Yeah.

Right, one, two, three, four, testing.

Right, we're coming over loud and clear.

- You're on the air!

Now!

You're never alone...

...if you listen to the youth club broadcast,

on the air at midnight.

Now, remember that. Midnight.

Job for you, Watts.

Radio pirates are broadcasting on the commercial television wavelength.

Oh, well, don't you worry about that, sir.

We'll soon get a fix on it.

Dispatch detector vans C4, J5.

Stand to your rulers!

We learn that commercial television programmes

have been constantly interrupted this evening

by pirate radio broadcasts.

BBC transmitters are of such strength

that it is impossible for them to be interrupted.

You want to bet? Listen at midnight to BBC as well.

It is midnight, and the youth club broadcast is now on the air.

Here is news of the show London has been waiting for,

starring the one and only Dorinda Morell.

In addition, you'll see the finest acts available,

with the extra added attraction,

the Mystery Singer!

Hamilton Black has bought our theatre, but the show still goes on!

For security reasons, we'll tell you where on the day of the performance.

M4 reports bearing 265, sir.

Bearing 265. Plot that.

Come along!

Co-ordinates M58, sir.

M58, sir. Tell Scotland Yard.

- Watts? - Sir?

- What's the latest on the pirates? - Oh, that's all over, sir.

Er... The police are picking 'em up now, I should think.

- Okay, here it is. - Know the orders?

Yes, get the pirates that are jamming the BBC.

Yeah.

Yeah, but that's silly.

This is the BBC.

Right, then. Let's hurry up before they get a bearing on this place.

Here we go.

- All right there, Toni? - Right. Where's the mic?

Hey, lively! Lily Law! Quick! Here!

- Cor, turned out nice, innit? - Yeah.

- Good evening, Officer. - Good evening, miss.

I'll have those.

A bag. Quick, a bag!

Yeah, a bag, a bag.

How much?

How much?

On the house!

- Thank you! - You're welcome.

- Good night. - Good night.

Phew!

That weren't half close. Come on, then, let's go.

Here we go.

Got the mic?

- Right.

And now, to continue with our youth club broadcast,

here is a sample of our show.

The Mystery Singer with "The Girl in Your Arms".

♪ When the girl... ♪ - Isn't he dreamy?

- ♪ In your arms... ♪ - It's just like having a crush on a ghost!

- ♪ Is the girl... ♪

♪ In your heart

♪ Then you've got everything

♪ When you're holding the dream

♪ You've been dreaming you'd hold

♪ You're as rich as a king

♪ So hold her tight

♪ And never let her go

♪ Day and night

♪ Let her know you love her so

♪ With the love ♪

- ♪ Of your life ♪ - Oh, he's gorgeous!

♪ Spend a lifetime of love

♪ Make her yours for evermore ♪

♪ So hold her tight

- ♪ And never let her go ♪

♪ Day and night

♪ Let her know you love her so

♪ With the love of your life

- ♪ Spend a lifetime of love ♪ - What a horrible row!

I don't fancy that voice will sell many tickets for you at your box office.

Oh, I don't know. It's...

- not a bad voice. - Nonsense.

I should think you could sing better than that,

- if you could sing.

Well, anyway, I'm going to bed.

Of course, there's always Dorinda Morell.

I mean, she's the star of the show.

Dorinda Morell? I've never even heard of her.

Oh, but, Pop, you must be the only one.

I mean, Dorinda Morell's last record sold a million copies.

- A million copies? - That's right.

They gave her a beautiful gold disc.

- You coming? - What?

No, not just yet.

Good night, Pop.

♪ Make her yours for evermore ♪

A million copies?

Miss Morell?

Miss Dorinda Morell?

You won't know me. My name is Black. Hamilton Black.

Oh, Mr Black, of course I do.

I make a point of knowing all millionaires.

I had a little proposition I rather wanted to discuss with you,

if you could spare me one moment.

Oh, but not now. I'm late for rehearsals.

I always think if one's late, it's better to be very late indeed.

Let's get into my car, and then we can drive round the block,

and discuss it in comfort, eh?

Mr Black, is this another one of your takeover bids?

It could be, Miss Morell. It easily could be.

Just drive round the block, will you, James?

If you see any property for sale, stop, of course.

"It was announced today that Hamilton Black

"has engaged Dorinda Morell as star of a revue

"to be presented at his newly acquired Countess Theatre.

"Interviewed by our reporter today, Miss Morell said,

"'The youth club and I are still good friends.'"

- Well, that's the end of our show. - Mmm.

That's show business, I guess.

You mean we've done all this work for nothing?

Hey, kids! Have you seen the papers?

- Great news I bring! - Very funny.

What is good about Dorinda Morell quitting the show?

Oh, that's this morning's paper. Listen to this.

"The Mystery Singer is a success!

"The BBC have been swamped with telephone calls."

- Listen! Listen to this. Listen.

"The, er... The management of Vocal Records

"have stated that when you reveal yourself,

"you will be given a five-year recording contract."

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We still don't have a star for the show.

What do you mean, "we don't have a star for the show"?

You're the star now.

Oh, I couldn't be a star of...

- You owe it to your public, Nicky boy!

♪ All for one, one for all

♪ Let our voices unite for

♪ All for one, one for all

♪ We have something to fight for

♪ Fair or foul may be the weather

♪ No matter what the future brings, we know that ♪

♪ We can face it

♪ If we stick together

♪ If we stand side by side

♪ When the bells are ringing

♪ Then there's no-one can beat us

♪ Marching forward with pride

♪ We are young and swingin'

♪ There's no power can defeat us

♪ Loud and clear as a trumpet calls ♪

Sing!

♪ All for one ♪

♪ We're unbeatable ♪

♪ All for one ♪

♪ Undefeatable ♪

♪ All for one

♪ And one for all ♪

Mind your backs!

Come on, move out of the way!

Mind the antiques!

Oh, hello, darlin'!

And now we bring you the latest recording of our mystery voice,

coming to you from our secret transmitting station, and giving you

- some idea of what's in store for you... - Co-ordinates M84, sir.

M84. Tell Scotland Yard.

And here are the latest prices for the second race here at Chepstow.

Hello? Hamilton Black here.

Yes, good afternoon. I want fifty pounds to win on Parsnip.

- Parsnip!

- Parsnip!

Of course you can't hear. I can't hear myself.

Get me Scotland Yard. Scotland... No...

I know it's stopped running. Never mind.

♪ When you're holding... ♪ - This is becoming an absolute menace.

I can't even listen to the racing in peace!

Whitehall...

One, two...

one, two.

Hello. Scotland Yard?

Hamilton Black in person.

I want to speak with the Commissioner, please.

The Commissioner.

Well, of course I'll tell you what it's about!

It's about this pirate radio station. It's...

- Oh, Pop... - Just a moment. I've got Scotland Yard.

Oh, no need to... They're here.

Oh, are they? Oh, that was quick! Oh, yes.

Good afternoon, sir. We're police officers.

- You surprised me! - Just what we're hoping to do, sir.

We have a search warrant. We have reason to believe

that you're harbouring a secret radio transmitter.

- What?! - Game's up, Pop.

Never mind. I'll stick by you.

By the way, what are the visiting days in Brixton?

Oh, don't be so silly. This is an outrage.

- We're doing our duty, sir. - Much better confess, Pop.

Officer, if I were you, I'd start with the bookcase.

Oh, don't be so silly! Leave the bookcases alone!

- Will you leave those bookca... - Sit down, Pop, and relax.

Remember, "anything you say may be taken down and used in evidence."

And now, the announcement you've been waiting for.

The youth club show starring the Mystery Singer

will take place tonight at the Finsbury Park Empire.

I repeat, the Finsbury Park Empire.

- Sir! - Yes?

- N27. - N27! Tell Scotland Yard.

- Watts. - Sir?

N27 is Scotland Yard.

Yes, I see. Now, Dench...

You've checked they aren't breaking the fire regulations

or any other law?

Very well.

Now, you say the old lady who owns the theatre

lives in Glasgow?

Dench, stay in your office.

I'll telephone you from Glasgow.

Right, if you'd like to start putting those seats in place for me.

Carry on. Carry on as you are. You're doing very well indeed.

Okay, Jonathan, if you'll put those seats in place for me. Thank you.

James, what are you doing?

Dusting.

Can I have that, Ernie? Thanks.

How's it going down there?

You nearly finished that mopping?

- Hey, Brenda, how's it going? - Nearly ready.

All right. Come on, everybody, clear.

- Chris! - Hello!

Can we have a dress rehearsal yet?

- Okay, we're ready. - Okay.

Clear the auditorium, everyone.

All right, come on, sit down.

Sit up the back there, and we'll have a rehearsal.

Okay, cue music.

♪ If you're

♪ Shy at romance

♪ What you can't say you

♪ Dance

♪ Hold me

♪ Close and advance

♪ Don't try and say it

♪ Dance

♪ Mambo means percussion

♪ That's why there's no time

♪ For discussion

♪ When I get in this condition

♪ I lose my every inhibition

♪ You can

♪ Tell at a glance

♪ The way I feel so ♪

Dance!

Oh!

Dench, Dench & Dench.

Call for you from Glasgow.

- Hamilton Black here. - Yes, sir!

Mr Dench? I have a Mr Black from Glasgow on the phone for you.

Put him through, Ernest.

Hello, Dench, I'm at Glasgow Airport.

Glad you arrived safely, sir.

What do you mean, "arrived safely"? I'm on my way back!

I saw the old lady who owns the theatre. I've bought it.

Now, we own two theatres. Now, listen.

I want you to get the local police and meet me outside the theatre.

I don't care how you do it.

Yes, sir.

Hello?

Mr Black? Are you there?

Um, is...?

Ernest!

Ernest!

Good Heavens!

- What's going on?

House lights!

Are you all right over there, Ernie,

or do you want some more help on that switchboard?

They're right.

Okay, let's have the lights in a circle now.

- The spotlights. - Right.

Well, there's four not working. Can you get them fixed straight away?

Get Jimmy to give you a hand. He's around backstage.

Okay.

Right, now let's see the footlights.

Oh, okay.

Great!

How's it going up there? Is that paint dry yet?

- Okay. - Good.

Is that spot working?

Oh, great. And how are the boys in the orchestra? You okay?

Yeah.

All right, Jimmy, come on. Pull the curtain.

Okay, open the doors, everybody.

We got fifteen minutes to curtain up!

Barbara! Barbara! Come down! Listen to this!

- Hey, what's the matter? - James! Christopher! Listen!

Hamilton Black has just bought this theatre.

- What?! - He's done what?

He bought it off the old lady, and he's flying back from Glasgow now.

And he's also meeting the police outside.

What does this mean? He can stop the show?

Yes, if he shows proof of purchase.

Well, we've gotta stop him gettin' here.

- Whatcha gonna do? - I got an idea. Look.

I know some layabouts. They're always lookin' for a punch-up.

We'll meet this Black on his way from the airport,

- and given him a goin'-over, right? - Look, just a sec.

- What? - Well, I mean...

Don't you want us to help ya?

You must be jokin'! Ta-da! See ya!

Well, what if he doesn't stop them?

Oh, I'll be in the prop room if you want me.

- James, we've got to do something. - Yeah.

- Let's think. - Yeah, think.

- Are you thinking? - Yeah, I'm thinking. Are you thinking?

Yes, I'm thinking. Are you thinking?

Yeah, I'm thinking!

Isn't it hard?

And to think that this was once a star dressing room!

It's sad to let a theatre get this way.

Well, I... guess it'll soon be all over.

It's only the beginning. Come on.

Soon, you'll be a big recording star.

Are you scared?

Yeah, I suppose I am a bit.

It's been rough, hasn't it?

In a way. But it's been exciting and...

Of course, there's always been you.

Oh, you'll soon forget about me.

Big stars haven't got time

to bother with dancers who haven't had a break.

Hey! Hey, what's this?

- I think it looks cute. - Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Besides, I don't know what I'd do without you.

You don't have to do without me.

Why, I don't want to.

Not ever.

Hi. What's up?

I've heard some news from my office.

It seems that Mr Hamilton Black is going to try and stop our show.

- What? - Can he do it?

Not now.

Chris has taken some of the boys down to the club

and they're gonna put the finger on him.

- What? - Hey, where are you going?

To help my father.

Er, Hamilton Black.

- But... - Yeah, that's right. He's my father.

I helped you beat him, but I'm not gonna let you beat him up.

- Hey, stop him! - No, he's right.

The moment you start using strong-arm stuff,

you're worse than Hamilton Black and don't deserve to win.

Oh, but this is ridic...

Yeah, but...

But...

James, she's perfectly right.

How's it going? Are they all in?

- They're all seated. - Good. Let's have a look.

Ah! Shall we start the music?

- Yes, you'd better. - Okay.

Psst! Al!

Al! Okay, start the music.

Come on, then. Let's get changed.

Right, come on! Let's get him! Hurry up!

Come on!

Well, what's the matter?

- You're on fire. Round the back. - What?!

Ooh, calamity!

Get round there! Go on!

Ooh! What the...?

Take it easy, love.

You don't wanna muck up this lovely car of yours, do ya?

I hope you realise the penalty for kidnapping

is life imprisonment, or death.

- Oh, I'm shakin' in me boots!

I suppose this is Nicholas' idea?

And who's Nicholas?

My son. Don't pretend you don't know him.

You don't mean Nicky, do ya?

I mean my son, who thought up this abominable show.

Hold on. You mean Nicky Black is your son?

Certainly. You mean he didn't inform you of the fact?

You mean all the time he's been with us, he's been your son?

Of course. He's always been my son.

You mean he's been spying for ya?

I suppose he's been havin' us on to decorate that theatre,

so that you can buy it up with a nice job done on it free.

- Well, that's charming. - Now, look here...

Oh, you're a right pair, the both of ya!

You squeezin' us out, and him helpin' ya.

Here, and all the time he was foolin' us,

he was makin' a lovely name for himself as the Mystery Singer.

You mean Nicholas is the Mystery Singer?

Yeah.

That terrible noise is produced by my own child?

Yeah, you must be proud of him.

Do you know, I believe I'm beginning to be.

Well, what are we gonna do? Nicky should be on next.

Well, where is he? He should have shown up by now!

Right, we're here. Now, look,

you gonna walk in nice and quietly,

or are we gonna have to spread you out and carry you in?

- I'll walk. - Come on, then.

- Well, maybe we can put someone else on. - We want the Mystery Singer!

- What do you think? - Yes!

We want the Mystery Singer!

We want the Mystery Singer!

We want the Mystery Singer!

Look, somebody'd better go out there to make an announcement.

- No! - Yes! You are the legal representative.

You can be the legal representative!

I'm not going, d'you hear me? No! It's not fair!

We want the Mystery Singer!

We want the Mystery Singer!

We want the Mystery Singer!

Just go on! Just go on!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen, please, I...

I have an important announcement to make.

Ladies and gentlemen, please!

Please, I... I have an important announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please be quiet!

I have got something very important to tell you!

Now, please... Ladies and gentlemen, please!

Enough. I have an important announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Please, will you please be quiet and keep still!

Quiet. Please.

Owing to circumstances beyond our control...

I regret to say that...

our Mystery Singer cannot appear with us tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please be quiet!

It's not fair! It's not fair!

Now, I know this must be a great shock to you.

I've been looking forward to hearing the singer myself.

But I'm sure we can enjoy this evening's entertainment without him.

We have some marvellous acts,

so, if you'll just sit down, and lay back, and...

take your shoes off, if you like,

I'm sure we'll all enjoy the show.

We want our money back!

We want our money back!

We want our money back!

Now, please, ladies and gentlemen!

Please be quiet!

All right, now who's next?

Why did I pay for you to have judo lessons?

Try osotogari!

Nice to be on the same side again, Pop.

Looks like it's the winning side, too.

Look out, Pop!

What are you doing here, Nicky? Oughtn't you to be at your theatre?

Well, I heard you were in trouble, so... here I am.

Well, we must see if we can't get you and your friends there

for some of the show anyway.

Feeling better, old chap? Hmm?

But, Pop, are you serious?

Well, I mean, if I do the show, it may ruin you.

I'll decide what ruins me, not you.

Try and sit up.

- You do need him for the show? - Oh, no. Not him.

Well, you can lie down again. Well, who do you need?

- I need Chris. - Where's Chris?

Well, I don't know, Pop. You hit him last.

Oh, that's him.

I only hope your show's going to be a knockout, too.

We want our money back!

We want our money back! We want our money back!

- They want their money back! - Well, they can't have their money back!

- What are we going to do? - Stall 'em.

You stall 'em.

Fellow actors mustn't squabble at a time like this.

- Real troupers have got it here. - Where?

- Here. - Here.

The show must go on.

James, you're right. I must have been out of my mind.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd just be quiet.

It's not my fault. Please, stay seated.

Will you please sit down!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, please will you please be quiet

and keep in your seats. It's not fair!

Please, be quiet! I implore you to be quiet!

Please, sit down! Will you please sit down!

It's not fair. It's not fair. Ooh!

Now, you lot out there! You uncouth lot,

will you please sit down!

Don't you do that to me!

How dare you...

Mr Black!

Hello, Dench! What are you doing here?

- Come to see the show? - But you called me from Glasgow.

- You told me to... to meet you here. - Nonsense, nonsense.

The line must have been bad. You misheard me.

Get him in, Nicky.

But what am I to do with all these policemen?

Well, if you get them all together,

they'll be able to tow my car away for me, won't they?

- Please don't throw apples at me!

It's not fair! I didn't come here to be pestered!

Now, you, sir! This one!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I implore you!

We want our money back!

And you, sir! You stop that, or I'll chuck you out of this place!

- He's here! - I'm innocent, and I implore you!

If you do that, don't you threaten me!

- He's here. - What?

He's here!

Will you be quiet! Please, ladies and gentlemen!

Sit down! Now, please...

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I present the Mystery Singer.

♪ When the girl

♪ In your arms

♪ Is the girl in your heart

♪ Then you've got everything ♪

♪ Mommy says no

♪ Daddy says no

♪ Brother says no

♪ But they all gotta go

- ♪ 'Cause we say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

- ♪ We say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

♪ We say yeah

♪ We say yeah

♪ If we didn't go ahead

♪ If we thought of all they said

♪ We might as well give up, man

♪ We might as well be dead

- ♪ 'Cause we say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

- ♪ We say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

♪ We say yeah

♪ We say yeah

♪ Now we're movin' up front, baby

♪ We're singin' our song

♪ The old ones they taught us

♪ They're all dead and gone

♪ 'Cause we say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

- ♪ We say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah.

- ♪ We say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

♪ We say yeah

♪ We'll aim for the sky

♪ We will keep on shootin' high

♪ Forget about those problems, baby

♪ Don't just sit and sigh

- ♪ 'Cause we say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

- ♪ We say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

- ♪ We say yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah!

♪ We say yeah ♪

Well done, Nicky. I'm proud of you, son.

Thanks a lot, Pop.

Oh, Nicky, didn't it work! It worked!

- I told you it would! - Sure.

Come on, come and get changed for the next number.

Now, then, it's all settled.

I'm going to build you a brand new youth club

right in the middle of my new office block.

What do you say, eh?

Technically speaking, Mr Black,

we could stop you building on that site for five years.

- And another thing... - Tup-tup, tup-tup, tup!

Ernest!

It's a deal, Daddy-O!

Thank you.

And we'll make you our first honorary member.

And judo instructor!

All right, come on, let's get ready for the next number.

- Come on, Toni. - Yeah, come on.

- How d'ya do it? - How d'ya do what?

How d'you put on a show?

- What do you need? - Yeah, what do you need?

Whaddaya need to make it go?

- How d'ya do it? - How d'ya do what?

How d'you make the laughter ring?

- How d'ya make 'em? - How d'ya make who?

How d'you make the audience sing?

I'm not quite sure what the answer is,

but I reckon it's something like this.

♪ Take a kid who can sing

♪ A song with a zing

♪ That makes a whole audience glow

♪ Add some dancers in tights

♪ Some costumes, some lights

♪ And, whaddaya know?

♪ You've got a show

♪ One moment you're going berserk and

♪ It's one of those terrible days

♪ Next moment, the magic, it's working

♪ That's show business

♪ To coin a phrase ♪

Come on, Pop!

Ah, come on, anyone can do it!

I'm much too old.

This is the chance for one of your big takeover bids.

- Come on. - Oh, all right.

♪ Enchanting soft shoes

♪ And, whaddaya know?

♪ You've got a show

♪ Some gals and some guys

♪ With stars in their eyes ♪

♪ A spirit of get-up-and-go ♪

That's it, Pop!

♪ A curtain will rise

♪ And to our surprise ♪

Whaddaya know? We got a...

♪ We've got a

♪ Great and glorious

♪ Gay, uproarious

♪ What do you know?

♪ We've got a show ♪

♪ The young ones

♪ Darlin', we're the young ones

♪ And the young ones

♪ Shouldn't be afraid

♪ To live

♪ And love

♪ While the flame is strong

♪ 'Cause we may not be

♪ The young ones very long

♪ Young dreams

♪ Should be dreamed together

♪ And the young hearts

♪ Shouldn't be afraid

♪ And some day

♪ When the years have flown

♪ Darlin', then we'll teach

♪ The young ones of our own ♪

SUBTITLES BY POWERHOUSE FILMS LTD