Original subtitles

[jazz music]

[soft music]

[sultry music]

[iaunty melancholy music]

[applause]

Hiya, folks.

My name is Dave Starr.

You know, I feel miserable this afternoon.

Last night, I dreamt I was locked up in a room

with a thousand beautiful blondes

and a thousand beautiful brunettes.

Then I dreamt I was a woman.

But I want you to know I come from a very honest family.

Everybody in my family is honest except my brother.

He's the one who keeps finding things

before they're lost.

He was up the river so many times

they call him Showboat.

Like he did 30 days so often,

they decided to name a month after him, my brother.

He studied for a doctor once.

The doctor was too busy to study for himself.

Then my brother became an MD, a mental deficient.

What a doctor he was.

He treated a guy five years for yellow jaundice

before he found out the guy was a Chinaman.

Well, they finally took his license away

'cause he committed an illegal operation.

He opened up a guy's head with a beer bottle.

Why, Dave Starr, how are ya?

Hey, Joe E. Starr, Joe E., Joe E. Ross.

-How you been? -Well, come on, hurry up

and do that song of yours and we'll get out of here.

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't do that song today.

-I got a headache. -You got a headache?

-Uh-huh. -Well, man,

why don't you do what I do when I get a headache?

Why? What do you do?

Well, I go home, I take my wife,

she lies down on the sofa,

I lie down alongside her,

I rest my head on her shoulder just like this.

Oh, yes?

She kisses me a few times

and my headache disappears just like magic.

Why don't you try it sometime?

Gee, I think I will.

Uh, what time will your wife be home?

Oh, come on, you never said...

[soft music]

[sultry music]

[mellow music]

[jaunty music]

[jazzy music]

[soft music]

[mellow music]

[piano flourishes]

[majestic music]

[sultry music]

[twangy music]

[billowing music]

[guitar and piano music]

[soft music]

[perky music]

[jazzy music]

[mellow music]

[sultry music]

[melancholy music]

[perky music]

[upbeat music]

[applause]

[bright music]

[dramatic music]

[sultry music]

[echoing music]

[applause]

[sprightly music]

[sultry music]

[musical fanfare]

[applause]

[playful music]

[sensual, rhythmic music]

[musical fanfare]

[applause]

[sprightly music]

[lush big-band music]

[applause]

[cheers, shouts]

[applause]

[sprightly music]

[sultry music]

[musical fanfare]

[applause]

[sprightly music]

[playful, driving music]

[musical fanfare]

[applause]

[slow, seductive music]

[musical fanfare]

[applause]

[sprightly music]

[Iush, melodic music]

[drums beating]

[applause]

[Iush, melodic music]

[applause]

[sprightly music]

[applause]

[soft, seductive music]

[musical fanfare]

[applause]

[sultry music]

[musical fanfare]