subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Reality.Bites.1994 2

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian Download

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,200 And they wonder why those of us in our twenties... 2 00:00:25,201 --> 00:00:27,699 refuse to work an 80-hour week... 3 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,899 just so we can afford to buy their BMWs... 4 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,999 why we aren't interested... 5 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,699 in the counterculture that they invented... 6 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,699 as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution... 7 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:41,199 for a pair of running shoes. 8 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,799 But the question remains... 9 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,299 what are we going to do now? 10 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:50,300 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 11 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,399 Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. 12 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,800 The answer is... 13 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,899 The answer is... 14 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:10,800 I don't know. 15 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,500 Good save, Lelaina. 16 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,699 I'm not a valedictorian, but I play one on TV. 17 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:29,700 We all know you slept your way to the podium. 18 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,599 My favorite part about graduating now would be... 19 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,599 dodging my student-loan officer for the rest of my life. 20 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,099 He will be in cahoots... 21 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,099 with the Columbia Record and Tape Company guy... 22 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:48,999 who's been after my ass for years. 23 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,699 Troy Dyer, I brought you back a souvenir. 24 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:52,699 Ah... 25 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,699 You know, you can still go back next year and graduate... 26 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,199 still get your BF.A. 27 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,199 Oh, can I? And then I can hang this on my rearview mirror... 28 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,699 to brag to all my good buddies back home that I graduated. 29 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,300 Well, I through with the whole life drama. 30 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,199 Well, I know this sounds cornball... 31 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:18,500 but I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives. 32 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:24,100 And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke. 33 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:28,099 And you wonder why we never got involved. 34 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,599 Three words... November sixteenth nineteen-ninety... 35 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,500 Oh, totally drunk and out of my mind! 36 00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:34,400 It would have been a poetic experience... 37 00:02:34,401 --> 00:02:36,799 if I weren't such a gentleman, which I am. 38 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,200 Just let it go, Dyer. Surrender the fantasy. 39 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,199 Hey, Sammy, what's your goal? 40 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,900 My goal is to... 41 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,700 Like a career or something. 42 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,199 Lainie, I think the moment has been appropriately captured. 43 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,199 Would you please take your face out of the camera? 44 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,699 Come on. It's for my documentary. 45 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,100 Her... 46 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,500 Documentary. 47 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,400 Think fast. 48 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,299 Here's the deal. 49 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,799 I'm going to take Sam against his will... 50 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,299 and straighten him out because I truly believe... 51 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,700 that if we can get two women on the Supreme Court... 52 00:03:28,701 --> 00:03:31,000 we can get at least one on you, Sam. 53 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,300 I'm Superman. 54 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,299 - I can fly. - She's toast. 55 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,299 Aah! 56 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,799 Quick, Vickie. What's your social security? 57 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,799 Uh... 851-25-9357. 58 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,799 Very impressive. 59 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,600 It's the only thing I really learned in college. 60 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,800 Sometimes I get that "not so fresh" feeling. 61 00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:01,799 Conjunction junction, what's your function? 62 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,799 Hooking up words and phrases and clauses 63 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,299 Conjunction junction, how's that function? 64 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:14,800 Got three favorite cars that get most of my... 65 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,800 Honey, honey. No, no, no. 66 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,799 Is yours good? 67 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,799 It doesn't seem fresh. 68 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,600 I'm sorry. 69 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,699 Well, I guess it's about time... 70 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,000 for me to give you your graduation present, huh? 71 00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,799 Your... gas card. 72 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,699 I'll pay that bill for one year. 73 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:04,899 And since Helen Anne's got herself a brand-new Infinity... 74 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,899 we're gonna give you her old BMW. 75 00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:09,099 You can pick it up at our house. 76 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:13,399 - BMW? BMW? - Yeah. 77 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,399 Tom, didn't you listen to her speech today? 78 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,499 She didn't want a BMW. 79 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,499 Mom, I'll handle this. 80 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,000 I'm not gonna sit here and listen again... 81 00:05:22,001 --> 00:05:24,699 to some strange ethical argument about a damn car. 82 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,500 Now, it's got four wheels. It runs well. 83 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:28,200 And, little darling, after you've been... 84 00:05:28,201 --> 00:05:29,799 in the real world for a while... 85 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,200 you're gonna appreciate that car. 86 00:05:31,201 --> 00:05:33,500 Yeah. Just think of all those starving children in Africa... 87 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,499 who don't even have cars. 88 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,200 Troy, does your father give you gifts like that? 89 00:05:37,201 --> 00:05:38,299 Mom. 90 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,999 Well, actually, my father's dying of prostate cancer... 91 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,400 so I don't really trouble him much for gifts. 92 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,399 See, Tom. 93 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,299 You don't want a BMW. Tell him, Lelaina. 94 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:55,099 Charlane, she can make up her own mind. 95 00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:59,100 Dad, don't talk to her that way. She's not a child. 96 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,900 Well, she married one. 97 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,200 What? 98 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,199 All right. Excuse me. Come on, come on. 99 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,299 Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW... 100 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:14,199 until I can afford to buy a regular car myself, OK? 101 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,199 OK, Mom? 102 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,999 Please? 103 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,600 Mom, please, come on. 104 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,300 Get a Ford. 105 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:04,399 Just to float on the sea 106 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:09,100 Find myself on a page of history 107 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,599 You know, as I ride along 108 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,599 I can always hear the song 109 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:22,100 about you and where you're meant to be 110 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,099 Well, you're gonna tell me the answers 111 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:30,500 I'll know when you come back to me 112 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:48,499 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 113 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:52,100 I hear you call, I will run 114 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:59,299 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 115 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:04,100 We won't cry, because it could be fun 116 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,399 Well, I'm gonna tell you the answers 117 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,400 You'll know when you come back to me 118 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:35,499 Gonna be all right 119 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,100 When you come back to me 120 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,199 Good morning! 121 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,599 Ha ha ha ha! 122 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,199 Yes. Good morning, ladies and... gentleman! 123 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,599 I see a gentleman right over there! 124 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,699 Good morning! 125 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,699 Good morning! Boy, I tell you... 126 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,499 it is a good morning with this audience. 127 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,099 Ha! Well, today, for all you dieters... 128 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,699 guiltless goodies from chef Skinny Ninny. 129 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,699 Whoa. Mmm! 130 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,699 And we'll also be visiting with a man... 131 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:51,100 right here from Houston who is battling Alzheimer's. 132 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,499 A beautiful and touching story... 133 00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:58,099 of the triumph of the human spirit. 134 00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:01,299 He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers. 135 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,599 Now let's take a peek inside our "Video View"... 136 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,000 and see what we have in store for today. 137 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,599 It's a special report 138 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,899 on children's birthday party themes... 139 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,399 taped on location... 140 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,499 at 8-year-old Davy Robbins' party... 141 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,299 exclusively for our "Video View" collection. 142 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,699 Ha ha ha! 143 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:27,399 So... come sit with me. 144 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,800 Relax. Have a cup of joe. 145 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,500 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 146 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,800 Well, anyway, it's gonna be a good day. Good morning! 147 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:43,500 You're beautiful. 148 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,400 We're clear. 149 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,300 Am I here to amuse you, Miss Pierce? 150 00:10:55,301 --> 00:10:56,899 Am I here to make you laugh? 151 00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,400 Is that the real reason I'm on this show? 152 00:10:58,401 --> 00:10:59,900 Mr. Gubler, when I prepare your note cards... 153 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,400 you're supposed to get your own espresso. 154 00:11:01,401 --> 00:11:02,900 Didn't you get my "espress yourself" memo? 155 00:11:02,901 --> 00:11:04,300 I don't have time for your little mind games. 156 00:11:04,301 --> 00:11:05,899 I'd like to remind you... 157 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:07,899 that we're laying people off around here. 158 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,900 I can find an intern who will do your job for free like that. 159 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,099 I been locked out 160 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,399 I been locked in 161 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,399 But I always seem to come back again 162 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,599 And the view, when I look from my window... 163 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,899 Oh, that's a much better size. That looks great. 164 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:36,899 That would go really well with the EZ-Fits. 165 00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,900 So... Oh, buttoning it up. That's even better. 166 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,999 Yeah, roll 'em right up. 167 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,000 It's liberating, isn't it? 168 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,999 I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste 169 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,399 A flannel for my face 170 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,999 Pajamas, a hairbrush 171 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,199 new shoes, and a case 172 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,399 I said to my reflection 173 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,500 Let's get out of this place 174 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,499 Past the church and the steeple 175 00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,400 The laundry on the hill 176 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,600 Murder, there's one committed each 7 seconds. 177 00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:22,699 Hello. I got cut off. I'm sorry. 178 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,499 Tempted by the fruit of another 179 00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:27,400 Waa waa 180 00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,899 Hello? What? 181 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:34,400 Tempted, but the truth is discovered 182 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,599 No, no, no. Listen, he needs us, OK? 183 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,299 If he makes videos, we show them, OK? 184 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:47,099 It's symbiotic. It's like a "chicken or the egg?" 185 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,899 It's both of them working together. 186 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,999 Yeah, uh-huh. Well, let me tell you something. 187 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,399 No, no, no. I'm not scared of... 188 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,899 Jesus! 189 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,399 Aah! 190 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,399 Michael, don't laugh at me. 191 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,399 What? 192 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,999 No, I'm in an accident. I got in an accident. 193 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,599 Yeah, I'm fine. 194 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,400 No. I'll call you back, all right? 195 00:13:08,401 --> 00:13:09,700 I'm gonna call you... 196 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,599 When you said you would sue... 197 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,499 Well, it's not really my idea. 198 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,900 It's just I got my lawyer guy telling me, you know... 199 00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:17,900 something, like, about my rates or... 200 00:13:17,901 --> 00:13:21,799 Right. You mean, like sue in a courtroom for money? 201 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,000 I don't even know... 202 00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:24,600 because I've never really done anything like this before. 203 00:13:24,601 --> 00:13:25,800 I mean, do you have a lawyer or something? 204 00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:28,999 No, I don't have a lawyer. I don't have a dentist. 205 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,499 I'm... You know, I make four-hundred dollars a week. 206 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,299 What do you do? 207 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:36,000 Well, at the moment, I'm working... 208 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,700 I'm sorry. I just... I got to... 209 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,200 Hello. 210 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,199 Yeah. What is it? 211 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,799 You know, I don't care... 212 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,099 if she does twelve books of herself naked, OK? 213 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:50,199 It doesn't... 214 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,199 That's Dr. Zaius from "Planet of the Apes." 215 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,899 Oh. 216 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,400 I'm sorry. No. Someone else is in here. 217 00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,200 Yeah? Well, let her say that to me. 218 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,099 - No, don't do that. - Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 219 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,900 No, no. You can... That's all right... 220 00:14:02,901 --> 00:14:04,500 I was... Go ahead. You want to touch it? 221 00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:05,700 It's all right. Yeah. No, go ahead. 222 00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:07,599 No, I was talking to... 223 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,399 Look, can I talk to you later? Can we... When? OK. OK. 224 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,699 Um... OK. 225 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,000 Um... uh... 226 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:20,499 You know what? Just forget it. 227 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,300 Really, just forget the whole thing... 228 00:14:22,301 --> 00:14:24,100 because it was probably my fault anyway. 229 00:14:24,101 --> 00:14:26,599 And I'll get in trouble, and it just doesn't... 230 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,599 And you seem very sweet. 231 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,799 And you seem to like Dr. Zaius. 232 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,200 Oh. Ha ha. 233 00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,400 - Oh, no. - That's... 234 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,299 I'm sorry. 235 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,399 That's... He was just a collector's... No big... 236 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,799 Well, we can... 237 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,500 - You know what? - No, here's his head. 238 00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:48,199 It's really... you know... I think he's gone. 239 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,399 I'm, like, ruining your whole life here. 240 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,599 No, no, you're not. Really. 241 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,899 Just don't... Just don't touch anything else... 242 00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,700 and I think we'll be fine. 243 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:02,299 Michael Grates, vice president regional programming... 244 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,399 "In Your Face" TV. We've seen it. 245 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,299 It's like MTV, but with an edge. 246 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,699 - Yeah. So, is it a date? - Yeah, yeah. 247 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,699 - Dinner? - Coffee. 248 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,699 - Coffee or cappuccino? - He ended up saying decaf. 249 00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,699 Oh, no. Early night. Is there any precoffee activity? 250 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,099 Um... I don't think so. 251 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,699 Did he ask you to go out or to hang out? 252 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:22,100 Go out. He definitely said go out. 253 00:15:22,101 --> 00:15:23,799 Hey. How are you doing? 254 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,999 - Oh, shit. - What? 255 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,399 I forgot to tell you something. 256 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,399 Are you out of your mind? 257 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,700 Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got fired from the newsstand. 258 00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:35,000 He needs a place to stay till he can find a new job... 259 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,599 and get his own place. 260 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,600 Vickie, that's the American dream of the nineties. 261 00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:40,199 That could take years. 262 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,199 Look at it like a built-in security system. 263 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,600 We'll have a man around the house. 264 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:46,100 We'll have a hall monitor. That's what we'll have. 265 00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:48,600 I don't even know if this is allowed in the building. 266 00:15:48,601 --> 00:15:51,199 It's not like Mr. Roper's gonna burst in. 267 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,199 I'll just stay on the couch. 268 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,199 Vickie, he will turn this place... 269 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,000 into a den of slack. 270 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,600 What the hell is your problem? 271 00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:06,099 I have to work around here, and unfortunately, Troy... 272 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,999 you are a master at the art of time suckage. 273 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,100 Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster girl for the workers party... 274 00:16:11,101 --> 00:16:13,699 but until I get that toehold in the burger industry... 275 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,100 I got a little time to suck. 276 00:16:15,101 --> 00:16:18,199 I'd rather check into a shelter than deal with her shit. 277 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,899 I know how much you love to mainline in misery here. 278 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:22,100 But you don't have to. 279 00:16:22,101 --> 00:16:26,099 I can get you a job interview at my dad's plant. 280 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,099 What is that? Part of my lease agreement? 281 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:30,499 It's either that or a credit check. 282 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:32,499 It's cool, Troy. You can stay. 283 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:33,899 Welcome to the maxi pad. 284 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,899 Yeah, with the new dry-weave... 285 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:39,700 it actually pulls moisture away from you. It's good. 286 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,200 You won't even know I'm here. 287 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,100 Should I get married? Should I be good? 288 00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:48,600 Should I astound the girl next door 289 00:16:48,601 --> 00:16:50,600 with my velvet suit and my Faustus hood? 290 00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:52,500 And not take her to movies but to cemeteries 291 00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:55,500 and tell her of werewolf tongues and forked clarinets? 292 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,599 What "Hey, That's My Bike"... 293 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,099 ...would like to do eventually. as a band... 294 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,299 is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie. 295 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:05,199 Or Richard Simmons. 296 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,100 You know how, in his commercials... 297 00:17:07,101 --> 00:17:09,899 how he travels around, surprises people jogging. 298 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:13,599 As you can see, I have the occasional run-in... 299 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,899 with an anti- "Hey, That's My Biker." 300 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:20,100 And to those people, I say nobody... 301 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:24,399 Nobody can eat fifty eggs. 302 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,699 - Lainie? - Whatie? 303 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,599 The next time you make microwave brownies... 304 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,499 I'd really consider using a microwave. 305 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,899 It's just a thought. 306 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,899 You know, I finally figured out... 307 00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,799 what your problem is, Dyer. 308 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,599 What's that? I'm not a Pepper? 309 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,099 You suffer from the philosopher groupie syndrome. 310 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:46,599 You're this guy with, like, a 180 I.Q... 311 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,299 ten units away from a degree in philosophy... 312 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,299 and you always fall for these dumb groupie types. 313 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,099 Now... they are not all dumb. 314 00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:57,099 Most of them are just very, very depressed. 315 00:17:57,100 --> 00:18:00,099 Do you find me attractive, sitting here, eating brownies? 316 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,100 You do. You're strangely attracted to me right now. 317 00:18:02,101 --> 00:18:04,100 You're oddly, oddly attracted to me. 318 00:18:04,101 --> 00:18:06,100 It turns you on, doesn't it? You like to watch, don't you? 319 00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:09,099 Come on. Come on! Aah! 320 00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:10,599 Here. Ha ha ha! 321 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,099 Don't! Come on. It's not funny. Give it back. 322 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,500 - Give what back? - Give it back! 323 00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:16,500 Give what back? Give the brownies back? 324 00:18:16,501 --> 00:18:18,999 - Aah! - Brownies, brownies. 325 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,999 Oh, I love brownies. My name's Lelaina. 326 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,800 Hey, don't! Hey, watch the camera. 327 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:25,300 Don't throw it at me. That's not nice. 328 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,199 Mr. Gubler, do you have time to take a look... 329 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,699 at what I've done here? 330 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,699 I need my questions. 331 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:43,199 Oh, well, here's the research that I did. 332 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,699 You might want to read it... 333 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:47,299 because this guest has quite a history in politics. 334 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,200 Just give me my questions. 335 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:01,300 Excusez-moi. 336 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,299 - You all alone? - Not anymore. 337 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,899 If I could bottle the sexual tension... 338 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,699 between Bonnie Franklin and Schneider... 339 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,599 I could solve the energy crisis. 340 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,299 Excuse me. 341 00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:19,599 Don't bogart that can... man. 342 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,700 - Are you retarded? - No. I'm rhyming. 343 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:27,000 It's not easy. Sure, I make it look easy. 344 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,999 You guys better not be inhaling. 345 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,199 Hi. 346 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:37,499 Lelaina, Vickie was just promoted to manager of the Gap. 347 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,999 - Shut up. - It's not even a big deal. 348 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,499 The old manager tried to kill herself... 349 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,599 by eating a whole pot of poinsettias. 350 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,599 Still, I'm so proud of you. Wait. 351 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,699 I'll be making four-hundred dollars a week, though. 352 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:52,699 We're never gonna have rent problems again. 353 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,699 Troy, aren't you excited? 354 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:57,599 I'm bursting with fruit flavor. 355 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,599 You guys, I just thought of something. 356 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,799 I'm manager of the Gap. 357 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,299 I'm responsible for all those t-shirts... 358 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:09,099 French-cut, v-necked, ribbed, what have you. 359 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,399 Dude, I'm in trouble. 360 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,399 No, you're not, Vick. I know you can do it. 361 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,799 I just do not understand why this moment... 362 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,199 has to be Memorexed. 363 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,899 Sammy, don't you realize? 364 00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:22,799 This is your one opportunity to play a small part... 365 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,299 in what is destined to be greatness. 366 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:27,899 Lainie here is gonna revolutionize... 367 00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:29,299 "Good Morning, Grant." 368 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:32,799 Oh, my god! I'm so sorry! I had no idea! 369 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,299 Look who's mocking. All you do around here, Troy... 370 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,799 is eat and couch and fondle the remote control. 371 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,599 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 372 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,599 Well, then what good are you? 373 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,499 You're a pathological optimist. 374 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:46,899 You're pathological. 375 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,799 Oh, would you two just do it and get it over with? 376 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,300 I'm starving. 377 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,799 Oh! 378 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,700 Hello. You've reached the winter of our discontent. 379 00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,799 Uh... hold on. It's some Michael character. 380 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,300 Oh. 381 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,799 - Who's Michael? - Let's order a pizza. 382 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,799 Lelaina, if we promise to pay you back... 383 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,299 will you spot us a pizza? 384 00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:15,799 Don't have any cash. 385 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,299 Dominoes takes checks. 386 00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:18,500 OK, great. 387 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,100 OK. Bye. 388 00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,899 The owner of Dominoes supports Operation Rescue. 389 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:26,299 Oh, please. No one gives a shit right now. 390 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,399 We're starving. 391 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,400 Oh, wait. Wait. 392 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,200 - Ta-da! - We're going to eat gas. 393 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:41,299 Ah! 394 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,399 Who's this Michael guy? 395 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,499 Um... 396 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,899 Hey. Vickie just figured something out. 397 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,899 - What? - Something wonderful. 398 00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:53,399 Ha ha ha! Evian is naive spelled backwards. 399 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,199 Uh! Could you turn this up, please? 400 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,800 Please? You won't be sorry. 401 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:01,399 Thank you. 402 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,399 ... When you gonna give me some time, Sharona? 403 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,999 Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run 404 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,399 Gun it comin' off of the line, Sharona 405 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,699 Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind 406 00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:19,099 Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind 407 00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:21,899 My, my, my, I, yi, woo! 408 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:23,599 Hey! 409 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,300 M-m-my Sharona. 410 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,599 Come a little closer, huh? Ah, will ya, huh? 411 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,799 Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona 412 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:38,399 Keeping it a mystery, it gets to me 413 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,800 Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona... 414 00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:45,599 Good times, any time you need them, baby 415 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,899 Good times, ain't no time to be afraid 416 00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:50,900 Thelma's husband Keith has got vodka hidden in the toilet. 417 00:22:50,901 --> 00:22:53,299 Vodka in the toilet. That's a good one. 418 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:54,899 Um... boom boom. 419 00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:56,399 James Dice. 420 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,900 That's a two-parter, man. You can't do that. 421 00:22:57,901 --> 00:22:59,899 J.J. works in the chicken shop. 422 00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:01,899 He works in a chicken shop. We did that. 423 00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:03,899 It's the same one when he has that cape on. 424 00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:05,399 Drink up, man. 425 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,899 You hate to see that happen to the rookie. 426 00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:09,400 Um... Alderman Davis judges a... 427 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:12,799 Oh, my god. 428 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,299 Hi. 429 00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:16,699 Are you a collection agent? 430 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:18,799 Lelaina! 431 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,700 Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there. 432 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:27,999 Oh. 433 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,799 If you ain't the most hardheaded woman... 434 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,299 Great! 435 00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:33,800 Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. Oh, it's me! 436 00:23:33,801 --> 00:23:35,300 Willona dates a deaf guy. 437 00:23:35,301 --> 00:23:36,700 - Good one. - Willona dates a deaf guy. 438 00:23:36,701 --> 00:23:39,299 How about the one when Gary Coleman comes on... 439 00:23:39,300 --> 00:23:41,800 and he's like the little... like, guy doing that... 440 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:45,099 - Yeah, we did that one. - He was cute, though. 441 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:47,399 - J.J.'s prom date. - Gotta go. Gotta go. 442 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,999 - Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi. - Hi. 443 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:53,300 Um... everybody, this is Michael. This is... 444 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,899 Prom date. Prom date. Go. 445 00:23:56,900 --> 00:23:58,400 You know, we should... We should... Yeah. 446 00:23:58,401 --> 00:23:59,600 So, I'm gonna go. 447 00:23:59,601 --> 00:24:00,599 Bye. 448 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,100 Michael throws a party. Sammy, let's go. 449 00:24:02,101 --> 00:24:05,700 Lelaina, you know the punishment for premature evacuation. 450 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,400 Penny! Willona adopts Penny! Shit! 451 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:16,699 I'm making this documentary... 452 00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:18,500 about my friends, but it's really about... 453 00:24:18,501 --> 00:24:21,099 people who are trying to find their own identity... 454 00:24:21,100 --> 00:24:24,699 without having any real role models or heroes or anything. 455 00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:28,299 Wow. That... That sounds great. 456 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,799 It seems like your friends would be perfect for that. 457 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,599 Like, um... Like that guy Troy... 458 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,300 - Troy, yeah. - You all done here, sir? 459 00:24:34,301 --> 00:24:35,799 Uh, yeah. yeah. 460 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,300 You don't want to finish that? Because I can... 461 00:24:37,301 --> 00:24:39,799 No, no, no. I'm fine. I had a late... 462 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,799 So, Troy is... You guys just... 463 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,299 It's like you guys living there, just the two of you? 464 00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:45,999 No, no, no, no, no. 465 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,499 It's me and Vickie, but he got fired from his job... 466 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:52,899 and so he needed a place to crash for a couple weeks. 467 00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:56,699 They caught him stealing a Snickers. 468 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,899 He stole a Snickers bar? 469 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,899 Yeah. Ha ha ha! 470 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:04,399 Somehow he can rationalize it... 471 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:09,399 like the establishment owes him a Snickers. 472 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:10,799 Right, right. 473 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,400 Well, I mean... I guess... you know... 474 00:25:19,900 --> 00:25:22,100 You know, you're very beautiful. 475 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,299 I mean... I mean, um... 476 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:28,400 Seriously, you're... 477 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:36,800 I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not really good with compliments. 478 00:25:37,900 --> 00:25:39,499 Um... but, uh... 479 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:42,900 Um... Ha ha! Are you religious? 480 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,099 Um... Ha ha ha! 481 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:50,799 Ha ha ha! I'm sorry. 482 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,800 I guess I'm... I guess I'm, uh... 483 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,099 a non-practicing Jew. 484 00:25:57,100 --> 00:25:59,400 Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin. 485 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,399 Who's this again? 486 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,899 Frampton. Peter Frampton. 487 00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:09,399 Frampton... 488 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,900 I can't believe you don't remember... 489 00:26:10,901 --> 00:26:12,399 "Frampton Comes Alive." 490 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,399 That album, like, totally changed my life. 491 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:21,299 The most profound, important invention of my lifetime... 492 00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:23,299 the Big Gulp. 493 00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:25,199 And because, see... No, listen. 494 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:26,699 You get one in the morning. 495 00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:29,499 I'm talking forty-four ouncer, not this thirty-two wimpy... 496 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:32,599 - Wait a minute. Forty four? - Yeah. Forty-four ounce. 497 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:37,899 How can you ingest forty-four ounces of anything? 498 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,399 You get one. 499 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,999 You have your essential vitamins and nutrients... 500 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,499 for the entire day. 501 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,599 Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm sure you're totally covered. 502 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,599 - You do. - Well... 503 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,099 I guess it really doesn't take much to make me happy. 504 00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:54,999 Hey, I'm not materialistic, either. 505 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,499 I mean, I think I'd be working even if I wasn't getting paid. 506 00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:01,999 And I don't, like, want to get, you know... a big house. 507 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,999 I just want, like, a nice house. 508 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,999 I'm not into cars and stuff. 509 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,499 I mean, I like my car. 510 00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:13,499 You're probably not really not into, like... 511 00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:16,599 expensive, snazzy Italian suits, either. 512 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,599 - Oh, come on. - I'm just kidding. 513 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,399 - No, no, no. - I'm just kidding. 514 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,199 Wait a minute. I'm not like that. 515 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,000 I'm really not. I mean... I mean... 516 00:27:24,001 --> 00:27:26,999 I'm... I'm... I mean... 517 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,299 I know why the caged bird sings and everything. 518 00:27:29,300 --> 00:27:31,099 Oh, yeah? Why? 519 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:34,299 Because he was... in a cage, and he was... 520 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:37,499 I don't know. He had high hopes or something. 521 00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:39,399 OK, I dropped out of school... 522 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:40,999 before we got to that, all right? 523 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,500 I should have stayed in college... 524 00:27:42,501 --> 00:27:44,500 and got a degree in astronomy or something. 525 00:27:44,501 --> 00:27:46,400 - Oh, god, I love astronomy. - Really? 526 00:27:46,401 --> 00:27:48,099 Yeah. I just... The math, though. 527 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,500 It was the math that just, like... got me every time. 528 00:27:50,501 --> 00:27:52,500 I loved astronomy, too, and I got into class... 529 00:27:52,501 --> 00:27:54,099 and it was like... it was like... 530 00:27:54,100 --> 00:27:59,499 everything was three-squared times pi equals the root of pi. 531 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:02,099 Yeah. And I just wanted to look at the stars. 532 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:05,000 - It was so... - Same here exactly. 533 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,999 I remember being so happy on the roof of our old house... 534 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,099 just staring up at the stars. 535 00:28:11,100 --> 00:28:12,599 Mmm... 536 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,099 I want to do that again. I want to just... 537 00:28:16,100 --> 00:28:19,599 look up at the stars and take the time to... 538 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,699 smell the... 539 00:28:22,700 --> 00:28:24,000 everything. 540 00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:30,199 Because it's like... do you ever have those moments in life... 541 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,199 where everything is OK? Do you know what I mean? 542 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,699 Just for, like, one moment, everything is great. 543 00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:39,599 Not since I graduated, no. But yeah... yeah. 544 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,600 When you, like, catch yourself in a moment... 545 00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:46,599 and you're saying, wait, I'm happy here in the moment. 546 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,199 Right. And then it just goes away really quickly. 547 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,599 - Gone. - It just... It's... 548 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,599 I know I've had a couple of those, you know. 549 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,599 I always forget them, but I know I've had them. 550 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,200 Oh, me, too. 551 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:04,000 Like right now... is one. 552 00:29:06,900 --> 00:29:08,900 Yeah... like now. 553 00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:14,699 Clouds are stalking 554 00:29:14,700 --> 00:29:17,200 Islands in the sun 555 00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:21,700 Wish I could dry one 556 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:24,400 Out of season 557 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,700 But don't 558 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,900 Hesitate 559 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,900 'Cause your love 560 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,599 Won't wait 561 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,899 Hey, hey, hey 562 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:44,199 Ooh, baby, I love your way 563 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:45,700 Every day 564 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,699 Want to tell you I love your way 565 00:29:50,700 --> 00:29:52,700 Ooh, ooh, ooh 566 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,199 TROY, Ooh, baby, I love your way 567 00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,699 Every day 568 00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:01,600 I want to be with you night and day 569 00:30:01,601 --> 00:30:02,799 Shh! 570 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,700 So, you've been up all night? 571 00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:10,999 I am picking up some very strange vibes in here. 572 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:15,700 They're of the... "I just got laid" variety. 573 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,599 Did he dazzle you... 574 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,499 with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? 575 00:30:20,500 --> 00:30:24,500 Or was it his in-depth analysis of Markie Mark... 576 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,399 that finally reeled you in? 577 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,099 I just would have liked to have been there... 578 00:30:29,100 --> 00:30:31,099 to watch how you rationalized... 579 00:30:31,100 --> 00:30:33,799 sleeping with a yuppy-head cheeseball on the first date. 580 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,199 He's not a yuppy. 581 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,700 He's the reason why Cliff Notes were invented. 582 00:30:39,100 --> 00:30:41,099 Well, that pales in comparison... 583 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:43,400 to the tweaked-out little skanks you date. 584 00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:45,900 To hell with it. What do I care? 585 00:30:45,901 --> 00:30:48,499 What do you care? And why are you acting... 586 00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:50,699 like a jealous boyfriend all of a sudden? 587 00:30:50,700 --> 00:30:54,099 I am not acting like anything. 588 00:30:54,100 --> 00:30:56,700 I am calmly reading. 589 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,099 God. If something's bothering you that much... 590 00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:03,400 I wish you could just be man enough to talk to me about it. 591 00:31:05,100 --> 00:31:06,900 All right, Lelaina. 592 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,000 I am really in love with you. 593 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,099 Is that what you want to hear? Is it? 594 00:31:31,100 --> 00:31:34,500 Well, don't flatter yourself. 595 00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:39,700 Go to hell. 596 00:31:52,700 --> 00:31:55,099 Since I've been manager here... 597 00:31:55,100 --> 00:31:59,599 our gross has increased over twenty percent. 598 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,199 So... What? 599 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,199 OK. OK. Um... 600 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,699 I guess I'm proud of that. 601 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:09,299 Oh, please. Look at this sweater. 602 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:11,999 People don't know. They don't know what it takes. 603 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,399 I've never been a good example before... 604 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,199 and, um... I've never been good with responsibility. 605 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,899 So, uh... I blame my parents, though. 606 00:32:20,900 --> 00:32:23,700 I think I was conceived on an acid trip. 607 00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:29,699 My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old. 608 00:32:29,700 --> 00:32:33,200 And I saw my father about three times a year after that. 609 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,199 And when he found out that he had cancer... 610 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,199 he decided to bring me here... 611 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,699 and he gives me this big pink sea shell... 612 00:32:41,700 --> 00:32:43,199 and he says to me... 613 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,199 "Son, the answers are all inside of this." 614 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,899 And I'm all, like, "What?" 615 00:32:47,900 --> 00:32:50,199 But then I realized that the shell was empty. 616 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,699 There's no point to any of this. 617 00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:53,200 It's all just a... 618 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,699 A random lottery of meaningless tragedy... 619 00:32:56,700 --> 00:32:59,100 and a series of near escapes. 620 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,699 So I take pleasure in the details, you know. 621 00:33:04,700 --> 00:33:08,099 A Quarter-Pounder with cheese. 622 00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:10,199 Those are good. 623 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:16,099 The sky about... ten minutes before it starts to rain. 624 00:33:16,100 --> 00:33:19,600 The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. 625 00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:26,200 And I sit back, and I... I smoke my Camel straights. 626 00:33:28,300 --> 00:33:30,999 And I ride my own melt. 627 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,299 Come on. Come on. No lagging. 628 00:33:33,300 --> 00:33:35,299 The free clinic A.I.D.S. test. 629 00:33:35,300 --> 00:33:37,999 The rite of passage for our generation. 630 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,299 We're so lucky. Come on. 631 00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:44,799 So, Vick, why are you getting tested? 632 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,100 One of my friends tested positive. 633 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,800 To be on the safe side... you know. 634 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:58,300 Vickie Miner. 635 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,100 Vickie Miner. 636 00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:11,099 You can forget it. 637 00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:13,299 Come on, Grant. That... It's incredible. 638 00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:15,599 It's junk. Depressing junk. 639 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,500 You know my rules for the "Video View"... 640 00:34:17,501 --> 00:34:18,999 light and perky. 641 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:23,300 Look, Lelaina, maybe I should talk to Grant alone about this. 642 00:34:26,300 --> 00:34:28,299 Look, she's got real talent... 643 00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:30,299 and I want to put her on staff. 644 00:34:30,300 --> 00:34:32,299 I will not have Miss Pierce on staff. 645 00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:34,299 I will walk out of here if that happens. 646 00:34:34,300 --> 00:34:35,799 You watch. 647 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,499 OK, calm down. It's no big deal. 648 00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:40,299 We don't have to have her. 649 00:34:40,300 --> 00:34:41,799 Besides, having to look... 650 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:43,799 at that girl's pointy little face all day... 651 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,399 it would make me ill. 652 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:46,799 Just get rid of her... 653 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,100 like I asked you to do in the first place. 654 00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:58,099 ...I'll get there. 655 00:34:58,100 --> 00:35:00,799 If I don't know where to go, I'll get there. 656 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,500 If I don't know... 657 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,399 Ten seconds... 658 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,899 nine, eight, seven... 659 00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:15,300 six, five, four... 660 00:35:24,900 --> 00:35:27,099 Is this a good morning or what? 661 00:35:27,100 --> 00:35:31,499 Ha ha ha! Well, with us today is Libby Kumbaugh... 662 00:35:31,500 --> 00:35:35,399 the author of this book... "Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself? 663 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,099 "Self-Esteem for Parent and Child." 664 00:35:38,100 --> 00:35:40,699 - Good morning, Libby. - Good morning, Grant. 665 00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:45,899 Good morning! Now, Libby... I'm concerned with self-esteem. 666 00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:47,999 Personally, I've always had an odd preference... 667 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,400 for very, very young girls. 668 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,500 I... 669 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,000 Being a total prick... 670 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:06,199 ...Iy pear, I... 671 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,699 Why don't we welcome this audience again, huh? 672 00:36:09,700 --> 00:36:10,700 Good morning! 673 00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:15,899 I make more of a mess than Ruby does. 674 00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:17,899 Hi. You guys, we have to have a family meeting. 675 00:36:17,900 --> 00:36:19,299 Something's happened. 676 00:36:19,300 --> 00:36:21,100 Oh, no! They've discovered Nutrasweet causes you... 677 00:36:21,101 --> 00:36:22,400 to grow a third eye. 678 00:36:22,401 --> 00:36:23,900 Let me just say that everything's gonna be fine. 679 00:36:23,901 --> 00:36:25,499 Yeah, it's not a big deal. 680 00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:26,999 She'll just wear a patch over it. 681 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,399 I'm working out a plan. 682 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:29,899 Yeah, there's a surgeon in Paris. 683 00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:31,399 He'll just remove it for free. 684 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,899 - Just don't panic. - It's not contagious. 685 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:36,300 Would you shut up? I just got fired. 686 00:36:37,300 --> 00:36:38,299 Yeah. 687 00:36:38,300 --> 00:36:40,399 Oh, my god. What happened? 688 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,999 You got fired? 689 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,999 I mean, that just screws up my whole idea of good and evil. 690 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,199 It's not like I had a hysterectomy or anything. 691 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,499 I just... I got fired. I'll find something else, you know. 692 00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:54,499 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 693 00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:56,299 You're hired. 694 00:36:56,300 --> 00:36:58,299 I need a part-timer. You need a job. 695 00:36:58,300 --> 00:36:59,500 That would be so cool. 696 00:36:59,501 --> 00:37:01,500 It's only, like, five dollars an hour. No big deal. 697 00:37:01,501 --> 00:37:03,000 But it's a pretty good opportunity. 698 00:37:03,001 --> 00:37:04,500 Yeah, it's a dream come true. 699 00:37:04,501 --> 00:37:05,999 It is. 700 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,499 You know, Vick, I said I'm working out a plan. 701 00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:09,999 Yeah. So, what's the plan? 702 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,999 I'm not gonna work at the Gap, for Christ's sake. 703 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,500 OK? 704 00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:19,499 - No. I mean... - Oh, no. I'm so sorry. 705 00:37:19,500 --> 00:37:23,299 Oh, how stupid of me to try to drag you down to my level. 706 00:37:23,300 --> 00:37:26,999 - Vickie, you don't do this, OK? - Shut up. 707 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,399 Come on. This is just... 708 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,700 You know I didn't mean it. Vickie. 709 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,999 You see, this is where Troy was fired... 710 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,499 from his eleventh job. 711 00:37:58,500 --> 00:38:01,000 He was an illustrious office cleaner. 712 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,500 Now if you'll come this way, please... 713 00:38:03,501 --> 00:38:05,900 we will continue our short but happy walking tour... 714 00:38:05,901 --> 00:38:08,099 of the career of Troy Dyer. 715 00:38:08,100 --> 00:38:11,499 And here we have the newsstand... 716 00:38:11,500 --> 00:38:14,499 where Troy dared to ask the question... 717 00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,500 Are employee snacks subsidized? 718 00:38:17,900 --> 00:38:20,199 The answer... tragically, no. 719 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,499 In total, he has been fired... 720 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:25,099 from... yes, count them... twelve jobs. 721 00:38:25,100 --> 00:38:26,599 Twelve? Ouch. 722 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,099 So you shouldn't feel so bad. 723 00:38:29,100 --> 00:38:32,099 One of these mornings, I'm going to wake up before noon and... 724 00:38:32,100 --> 00:38:34,099 Ha ha. Yeah, right. 725 00:38:34,100 --> 00:38:37,099 And I'm gonna turn on the TV... 726 00:38:37,100 --> 00:38:39,100 and there Bryant Gumbel will be, and he'll say... 727 00:38:39,101 --> 00:38:41,199 "Today we have with us... 728 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:45,099 "the Pulitzer Prize winning documentarian Lelaina Pierce. 729 00:38:45,100 --> 00:38:49,000 "Lelaina, after your first film, Why Barbie Is Bad..." 730 00:38:50,500 --> 00:38:53,099 "You seem to have forgotten all about... 731 00:38:53,100 --> 00:38:54,699 "your best friend, Troy Dyer." 732 00:38:54,700 --> 00:38:56,699 Troy who? 733 00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:58,299 What was that name again? 734 00:38:58,300 --> 00:39:00,999 Oh, right through the heart. 735 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,599 I'll probably be working at the Whole Foods... 736 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:04,600 playing warehouses... 737 00:39:04,601 --> 00:39:06,600 hanging around places like the Radio Shack... 738 00:39:06,601 --> 00:39:08,200 screaming that I used to know you... 739 00:39:08,201 --> 00:39:10,100 and you'll be there in the lights... 740 00:39:10,101 --> 00:39:11,900 and you'll be all beautiful and shit. 741 00:39:11,901 --> 00:39:15,099 Oh, Troy. No, no, no. That'll never happen. 742 00:39:15,100 --> 00:39:18,100 They would never hire you at Whole Foods. 743 00:39:20,100 --> 00:39:23,299 You see, Lainie, this is all we need... 744 00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:26,400 a couple of smokes, a cup of coffee... 745 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,299 And a little bit of conversation. 746 00:39:30,300 --> 00:39:32,599 You and me and five bucks. 747 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,100 You got it. 748 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,100 - You know what? - Hmm? 749 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:46,999 - No, no, no. - What? 750 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,299 Troy, I can't. I can't. 751 00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:50,299 Why not? You never thought about it? 752 00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:52,599 Well, yes, of course I have, but I... 753 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:53,799 But what? 754 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,600 I can't not be friends with you, OK? 755 00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:57,600 I don't want that. That's not what I'm talking about. 756 00:39:57,601 --> 00:40:01,599 I'm talking about a... you know, evolving. 757 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,200 I just can't handle this right now. 758 00:40:03,201 --> 00:40:05,699 I can't evolve right now. 759 00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:08,199 Why not? Because of Michael? 760 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,600 No. 761 00:40:11,300 --> 00:40:14,200 Yeah. Yes. Yes. 762 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,699 My parents got divorced when I was fourteen. 763 00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:30,799 My dad... the dog... 764 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:34,199 he remarried six months after the divorce. 765 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,699 Wow. That's quick. How did everybody react? 766 00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:41,599 Um... my mom threatened to kill herself in front of me. 767 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,599 Patty got drunk in her closet... 768 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,599 every morning before junior high school. 769 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:47,399 And you? 770 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,199 Well, um... 771 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,799 Somebody had to remember to take out the trash... 772 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:57,299 sign the report cards, buy the milk. 773 00:40:57,300 --> 00:41:00,799 So, um... that kind of ended up being me. 774 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,299 I don't want to get married... 775 00:41:02,300 --> 00:41:04,199 because I see how my parents are. 776 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,699 And they've been together, like, 26 years... 777 00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:10,399 and they're like brother and sister at this point. 778 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,099 My mother goes to the bathroom with the door open. 779 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:14,699 That's "A." 780 00:41:14,700 --> 00:41:16,499 And "B"... It's disgusting. 781 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:18,299 I don't want any part of that. 782 00:41:18,300 --> 00:41:20,699 I want first kisses. I want passion... 783 00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:22,599 the whole way through. 784 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:27,099 It's better than having to kiss your husband's ass all the time. 785 00:41:27,100 --> 00:41:28,599 Yeah. 786 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,699 I think that your documentary... 787 00:41:30,700 --> 00:41:32,500 would be perfect for "In Your Face." 788 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,599 - See? Forget it. - No. 789 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,599 You're probably thinking more like, you know... 790 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,199 P B.S. or something. 791 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,599 No. No. You know what it is, though? 792 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,399 It's that I.. Boy. 793 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,299 OK, when I made this thing... 794 00:41:46,300 --> 00:41:48,799 I kind of made this promise to myself... 795 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,200 that I wasn't going to think about... 796 00:41:50,201 --> 00:41:53,599 where it was gonna end up because I didn't want to... 797 00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,199 unintentionally commercialize it. 798 00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:57,799 No, I think that's great. 799 00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,799 I mean, I think you should definitely... 800 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,200 not unintentionally do anything... 801 00:42:01,201 --> 00:42:02,799 that you're not comfortable with. 802 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,799 I mean, not that I would intentionally... 803 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,799 Well, plus it's not done yet, you know. 804 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,199 Right. I know. I know. It was just a stupid... 805 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,699 You know... I got to go to New York on Wednesday... 806 00:42:11,700 --> 00:42:14,699 for this huge network meeting thing... 807 00:42:14,700 --> 00:42:17,699 which is totally... God, you would hate it. 808 00:42:17,700 --> 00:42:20,299 I hate it. I just... I just thought... 809 00:42:20,300 --> 00:42:22,299 that they would freak out over your tapes... 810 00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:24,700 because they never see anything that's really smart... 811 00:42:24,701 --> 00:42:29,299 and has real... you know, quality and is... 812 00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:31,199 good, like you and your work... 813 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:35,199 and I know I'm being selfish and... 814 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,199 Michael, um... 815 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,699 That is literally, literally... 816 00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:45,999 the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me... 817 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:50,000 the sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me. 818 00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:00,699 So, what are you doing for the rest of your morning? 819 00:43:00,700 --> 00:43:02,699 What am... Oh, what am I doing? 820 00:43:02,700 --> 00:43:04,699 What am I doing? 821 00:43:04,700 --> 00:43:06,999 Ooh. Well, I have a job interview. 822 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,199 Lelaina, this thing is from 1988. 823 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,199 I know. Ha ha ha! 824 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,600 So you're, like... six years late. 825 00:43:22,100 --> 00:43:24,599 I thought the ad said that this was a job... 826 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,499 for a production assistant. 827 00:43:26,500 --> 00:43:30,299 Yes. You will be assisting me... 828 00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:34,299 in the production of videotapes, all right? 829 00:43:34,300 --> 00:43:39,099 You're going to make copies for me... many copies. 830 00:43:39,100 --> 00:43:43,899 Oh, is this like a... like a pirate operation? 831 00:43:43,900 --> 00:43:46,900 Do I look like a pirate to you? 832 00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:51,799 Now, radio is all instinct, Lelaina. 833 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,199 Do you know where all the radio comes from? 834 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,599 The gut. It's all in the gut. 835 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,599 Because when you think on your feet... 836 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,099 got to go from your gut. 837 00:44:00,100 --> 00:44:03,099 And my gut is telling me that, uh... 838 00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:04,599 this isn't gonna work out. 839 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,699 Maybe your gut's just saying you're hungry or... 840 00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:10,899 Oh, no, no, no, no. It's telling me that, uh... 841 00:44:10,900 --> 00:44:13,199 you're overqualified for this job. 842 00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:16,500 I'm really not that smart. 843 00:44:18,300 --> 00:44:20,499 No offense, sweetie, but you don't have... 844 00:44:20,500 --> 00:44:22,699 any experience on a newspaper. You're TV. 845 00:44:22,700 --> 00:44:26,099 Well, I'm trying to make my transition to print journalism. 846 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:27,599 Ah. Why? 847 00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,599 Well, newspapers are the last watchdogs... 848 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,099 of our... our government. 849 00:44:31,100 --> 00:44:32,900 They enforce the checks and balances. 850 00:44:32,901 --> 00:44:34,700 And one half-hour of TV only adds up to... 851 00:44:34,701 --> 00:44:36,499 OK. All right. 852 00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:39,099 Define irony. 853 00:44:39,100 --> 00:44:41,199 Irony. Uh... 854 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,699 Irony. 855 00:44:42,700 --> 00:44:44,199 It's a noun. 856 00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,199 It's when something is... 857 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:48,699 ironic. It's, uh... 858 00:44:48,700 --> 00:44:51,999 Well, I can't really define irony... 859 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,700 but I know it when I see it! 860 00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,399 Hey. Hey. 861 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,799 Oh, my god. I've never been so glad... 862 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,799 to see anyone in my entire life. 863 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:24,799 This day has been the biggest nightmare. 864 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,799 I mean, these job interviews, Troy... 865 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,799 the word vivisection, a staggering understatement. 866 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,999 Can you define irony? 867 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,300 It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite... 868 00:45:34,301 --> 00:45:35,999 from the literal meaning. 869 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,600 Yeah. My god. 870 00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,899 Where were you when I needed you today? 871 00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:45,799 I... I should go. 872 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,299 Oh, come on. Isn't there some statute of limitations... 873 00:45:49,300 --> 00:45:51,400 for embarrassing incidents? 874 00:45:53,900 --> 00:45:56,100 Your bravado was embarrassing. 875 00:45:59,500 --> 00:46:02,399 Hey, Troy, come on. 876 00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,799 You can stay with me for one cigarette. 877 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,899 I know you can stay with me for one cigarette. 878 00:46:07,900 --> 00:46:11,099 You, me, five bucks, good conversation. 879 00:46:11,100 --> 00:46:12,600 Right? 880 00:46:14,500 --> 00:46:15,700 Lainie... 881 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,799 Troy, you haven't been home in four days. 882 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,700 I mean, where have you been sleeping? 883 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,000 I got to go. 884 00:46:34,700 --> 00:46:38,400 Mom, I need to talk to you about a loan. 885 00:46:43,900 --> 00:46:45,500 Is it for drugs? 886 00:46:47,700 --> 00:46:50,399 No. No, it's not for drugs. 887 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,300 I was f... I lost my job. 888 00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:55,900 But you shouldn't have any trouble... 889 00:46:55,901 --> 00:46:57,500 finding another job, sugar bugger. 890 00:46:57,501 --> 00:46:59,199 No. See, I tried. 891 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,899 I applied for every single opening in my field... 892 00:47:01,900 --> 00:47:05,200 but there's just... There's nothing right now. 893 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:10,400 Hmm. Well... then I hate to say it but... 894 00:47:10,700 --> 00:47:12,199 times are hard. 895 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,100 You're just gonna have to swallow your pride. 896 00:47:15,900 --> 00:47:18,899 Why don't you get a job at Burgerama? They'll hire you. 897 00:47:18,900 --> 00:47:20,999 My lord, I saw on the TV... 898 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:24,899 they had this little retarded boy working the cash register. 899 00:47:24,900 --> 00:47:28,399 Because I'm not retarded, mom. 900 00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:31,399 I was valedictorian of my university. 901 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:36,000 Well, you don't have to put that down on your application. 902 00:47:42,900 --> 00:47:44,899 Miss Pierce, do you have any idea... 903 00:47:44,900 --> 00:47:48,399 what it means to be a cashier at Wiener Schnitzel? 904 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:52,199 Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders and making change, and, uh... 905 00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:53,399 "thank you." 906 00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,099 No. It's a juggling act. 907 00:47:55,100 --> 00:47:59,699 A juggling act? You mean, like, metaphorically? 908 00:47:59,700 --> 00:48:02,399 No. I mean, you got people coming at you from the front... 909 00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:04,999 coming at you from the back, from the sides... 910 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,999 people at the condiment exchange... 911 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,099 people at the drive-thru, kids on bikes... 912 00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:12,499 and they're all depending on who? 913 00:48:12,500 --> 00:48:13,999 - Me? - Yeah. 914 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,499 You got time to lean, you got time to clean, buddy. 915 00:48:16,500 --> 00:48:17,799 All right? 916 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,999 You got to be 150 percent on your toes... 917 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:21,599 150 percent of the time. 918 00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:24,499 There you go, sir. And have a 'tude, wiener dude. 919 00:48:24,500 --> 00:48:26,000 All rightie. 920 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,499 OK. I'm going to throw a few numbers out at you... 921 00:48:29,500 --> 00:48:32,199 and you put them together in your head as quick as you can. 922 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,299 - OK? - OK. 923 00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:34,800 Eighty-five and forty-five. Go. 924 00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:37,199 One... forty? 925 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,099 Nope. 926 00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:40,299 - One... fifty? - Nope. 927 00:48:40,300 --> 00:48:42,999 - One-sixty? - It's not an auction. 928 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:47,700 Miss Pierce, there's a reason I've been here six months. 929 00:49:06,100 --> 00:49:07,500 For the entire summertime... 930 00:49:07,501 --> 00:49:08,800 occurring in one day. 931 00:49:08,801 --> 00:49:10,800 Then last night we had snow reports in Utah. 932 00:49:10,801 --> 00:49:12,300 Today reports of I-70... 933 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,499 Royalton Hotel. 934 00:49:17,500 --> 00:49:19,000 Oh, hi. Is this the Royalton Hotel? 935 00:49:19,001 --> 00:49:20,499 That's what I said. 936 00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:21,999 Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you. 937 00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,499 I'm looking for a guest there. His name is Michael Grates. 938 00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:26,400 Hold one moment, please. 939 00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:30,599 That guest is out. 940 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,500 Would you like to leave a message? 941 00:49:32,501 --> 00:49:34,699 Oh... no. That's OK. I'll just try again later. 942 00:49:34,700 --> 00:49:36,000 Thanks. 943 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,599 Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode and welcome to "Wedgie"... 944 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,099 the world of hip couture. 945 00:49:46,100 --> 00:49:48,599 This week, we're in south-central Los Angeles... 946 00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,599 at the intersection of Florence and Normandy... 947 00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:52,599 the flashpoint of fashion. 948 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,199 The phattest gangsta trend will increase your peace. 949 00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,099 This bandanna by Donna Karin... 950 00:49:57,100 --> 00:49:59,599 is blue for Crips, red for Bloods... 951 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,300 and only costs seventy-five dollars. 952 00:50:31,100 --> 00:50:33,199 Lainie, have you seen a pack of guitar strings? 953 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,299 I have to bring them to the club. 954 00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:36,899 You know, I hope he knows... 955 00:50:36,900 --> 00:50:40,099 that he still has to pay some rent around here. 956 00:50:40,100 --> 00:50:42,099 I mean... Ha ha. 957 00:50:42,100 --> 00:50:44,900 I don't know where he thinks he's spending his nights, but... 958 00:50:46,300 --> 00:50:47,800 Do you know? 959 00:50:50,100 --> 00:50:53,300 I'm late for a jean-folding seminar. Let's locomote. 960 00:50:59,900 --> 00:51:02,099 Now you can call your own personal psychic... 961 00:51:02,100 --> 00:51:04,199 anytime 24 hours a day... 962 00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,299 thanks to the nationwide Psychic Discovery Network. 963 00:51:07,300 --> 00:51:09,299 You can pick up the phone and talk directly... 964 00:51:09,300 --> 00:51:11,100 with an established professional psychic... 965 00:51:11,101 --> 00:51:13,299 in the privacy of your own home. 966 00:51:13,300 --> 00:51:16,299 I was unhappy in my career, and I needed a change. 967 00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:18,099 But I didn't know what to do. 968 00:51:18,100 --> 00:51:22,100 It's just that nothing is going down according to plan. 969 00:51:22,300 --> 00:51:25,199 I mean, my best friend... 970 00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,699 I feel like I've lost him forever... 971 00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:32,199 and he was like my touchstone, you know. 972 00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:33,699 This man... 973 00:51:33,700 --> 00:51:35,899 does his name start with the letter "N"? 974 00:51:35,900 --> 00:51:40,699 Because I'm getting a very strong "N" vibration. 975 00:51:40,700 --> 00:51:43,199 Newsstand. "N," newsstand. 976 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:44,699 He used to work at a newsstand. 977 00:51:44,700 --> 00:51:46,199 Uh-huh. 978 00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:48,699 Oh, god. This is unbelievable. 979 00:51:48,700 --> 00:51:51,199 Honey, that's not all I'm getting. 980 00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:54,199 There are people I know from high school... 981 00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:58,199 who are already married and having babies. 982 00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:01,299 I mean, babies, OK? 983 00:52:01,300 --> 00:52:03,000 I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. 984 00:52:03,001 --> 00:52:04,700 Well, honey, I didn't have kids... 985 00:52:04,701 --> 00:52:06,699 until I was on my third husband. 986 00:52:06,700 --> 00:52:08,099 Oh, really? 987 00:52:08,100 --> 00:52:09,500 All Geminis. 988 00:52:11,700 --> 00:52:13,800 You know what I think, Tanell? 989 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,999 I think you still really love Monty. 990 00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:19,199 Yeah, you're probably right... 991 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:20,699 but it don't matter now. 992 00:52:20,700 --> 00:52:22,699 Oh, yes, it does, Tanell. 993 00:52:22,700 --> 00:52:26,699 I know you're afraid, but you've got to find him... 994 00:52:26,700 --> 00:52:29,799 and you've got to tell him how you really feel. 995 00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,499 Find him? I got... 996 00:52:32,500 --> 00:52:34,000 Lelaina. 997 00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:36,700 We need to talk to you. 998 00:52:39,900 --> 00:52:42,399 Hold on, Tanell. Hold on. 999 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:44,299 I'm on the phone. 1000 00:52:44,300 --> 00:52:45,699 Yeah, I can see that... 1001 00:52:45,700 --> 00:52:48,100 and we have a four-hundred and six dollar phone bill... 1002 00:52:48,101 --> 00:52:51,399 mainly due to some calls to a 1-900 number. 1003 00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,499 Lelaina, I'm so seriously troubled... 1004 00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:56,499 Listen, we'd help you out, but we're broke, too. 1005 00:52:56,500 --> 00:52:58,499 And you know we can't afford a new deposit... 1006 00:52:58,500 --> 00:53:00,900 if the phone gets shut off. 1007 00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:06,599 Maybe you could borrow the money from Michael. 1008 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:09,099 No, Sammy. Jesus. 1009 00:53:09,100 --> 00:53:11,299 Lainie, what are you doing? 1010 00:53:11,300 --> 00:53:13,999 What are you doing? You lay on that couch all day. 1011 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,600 Those pajamas are like your uniform. 1012 00:53:15,601 --> 00:53:17,899 You run up a four-hundred dollar phone bill. 1013 00:53:17,900 --> 00:53:19,599 You watch TV. You chain-smoke. 1014 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:21,500 You don't go outside. You don't do anything. 1015 00:53:21,501 --> 00:53:24,099 Man, you are in the bell jar. 1016 00:53:24,100 --> 00:53:30,099 Look, this is my apartment. I signed the lease. 1017 00:53:30,100 --> 00:53:33,599 I let you move in here when you had no job, no money... 1018 00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:35,599 and you sponged off me for two months! 1019 00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,099 Sponged? Uh-huh. 1020 00:53:37,100 --> 00:53:38,699 And now Miss Big Power Marm... 1021 00:53:38,700 --> 00:53:40,100 Miss "I'm manager of the Gap now"... 1022 00:53:40,101 --> 00:53:42,200 you think you can just come in here and push me around?! 1023 00:53:42,201 --> 00:53:44,199 She's not being pushy. 1024 00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,899 Sammy, what are you even doing here? You don't live here! 1025 00:53:47,900 --> 00:53:50,099 Hey, my little unemployed waif... 1026 00:53:50,100 --> 00:53:52,899 you're the one who's looking for work now, OK? 1027 00:53:52,900 --> 00:53:55,699 God, you're really enjoying this, aren't you? 1028 00:53:55,700 --> 00:53:57,099 You're high. 1029 00:53:57,100 --> 00:53:59,700 Why don't you go take a walk outside and get some fresh air? 1030 00:54:01,300 --> 00:54:04,099 You've been waiting for this since the day we met. 1031 00:54:04,100 --> 00:54:06,300 Who told you that? Your psychic partner? 1032 00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,599 I'll tell you the problem with your generation. 1033 00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:14,099 You don't have any work ethic. 1034 00:54:14,100 --> 00:54:16,099 Now, you take your friend Troy, for example. 1035 00:54:16,100 --> 00:54:18,599 I went out of my way to set up an interview for him... 1036 00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:20,600 and he didn't even bother to show up. 1037 00:54:22,100 --> 00:54:25,399 That wasn't his fault. He asked me to call and cancel. 1038 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,599 And everything was going on. And it slipped my mind. 1039 00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,899 And I'm... sorry, but, you know, I have a work ethic, dad. 1040 00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:35,499 I have a very strong work ethic, you know. Ask anyone. 1041 00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:38,299 Then all you got to do is show some ingenuity, hmm? 1042 00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:41,099 Darling, I love you, and I hate to break your plate... 1043 00:54:41,100 --> 00:54:43,099 but you got to grow up sometime. 1044 00:54:43,100 --> 00:54:47,100 Now, I want you to go out there and show me some ingenuity, hmm? 1045 00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:06,199 Let me talk with you, my baby 1046 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,599 It is bad to say that maybe 1047 00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:10,899 It is time for you to say we 1048 00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:13,199 Came to share a point of view 1049 00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,199 Living in the never-never 1050 00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:18,299 Dropping out of here together 1051 00:55:18,300 --> 00:55:21,399 I could spend some time forever 1052 00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:24,199 With a girl like you, let me hear you say 1053 00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:28,199 Let's go, ooh 1054 00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:33,699 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1055 00:55:33,700 --> 00:55:36,499 Let's go 1056 00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,499 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1057 00:55:38,500 --> 00:55:42,499 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1058 00:55:42,500 --> 00:55:45,499 Right here on earth. 1059 00:55:45,500 --> 00:55:49,100 Looking for tomorrow 1060 00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:54,200 Can you see us one day? 1061 00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,800 Beg or steal or borrow 1062 00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:04,100 We could live forever 1063 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,399 Never to say never 1064 00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,099 You will be for me 1065 00:56:11,100 --> 00:56:14,499 I will fight for you, now 1066 00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:16,399 Let's go 1067 00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:18,399 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1068 00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:22,400 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah... 1069 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:28,799 Well, that solves our first problem. 1070 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,700 Rent's due this week. 1071 00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:35,599 Well, well. 1072 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:39,400 Look who finally decided to grace us with his... 1073 00:56:40,900 --> 00:56:42,299 Presence. 1074 00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:44,699 This is... This is, uh, Jean. 1075 00:56:44,700 --> 00:56:45,799 Janine. 1076 00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:50,899 Uh, Janine. Janine. It's a little loud in the club. 1077 00:56:50,900 --> 00:56:52,300 Excuse me. 1078 00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:55,299 Can't stay here, Troy. 1079 00:56:55,300 --> 00:56:57,799 I'm just gonna pick something up. 1080 00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,199 Well... 1081 00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:03,199 Mission accomplished. Now leave. 1082 00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:04,999 I think maybe I'm gonna wait... 1083 00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,299 Always the mistress of etiquette, huh, Lainie? 1084 00:57:07,300 --> 00:57:08,799 Just out of curiosity... 1085 00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,000 why are you suddenly acting like a jealous girlfriend? 1086 00:57:11,001 --> 00:57:13,500 All right. We're just trying to pay bills here, OK? 1087 00:57:13,501 --> 00:57:15,799 So, Troy, if you got any money... 1088 00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:19,399 Money? Oh, but what's money to an artist? 1089 00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:23,099 To a philosopher? It's just green-colored paper... 1090 00:57:23,100 --> 00:57:25,299 that floats in and out of his life like snow. 1091 00:57:25,300 --> 00:57:27,700 It's nothing you actually have to, I don't know, work for... 1092 00:57:27,701 --> 00:57:28,999 is it, Troy? 1093 00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:30,600 No, not if you have daddy's little gas card. 1094 00:57:30,601 --> 00:57:32,099 You shut up! 1095 00:57:32,100 --> 00:57:34,699 You shut up! I busted my ass to find a job, any job! 1096 00:57:34,700 --> 00:57:36,999 You don't even bother showing up for interviews! 1097 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,200 What is it that you want from me? Huh? What is it? 1098 00:57:39,201 --> 00:57:40,700 You want me to get a job on the line... 1099 00:57:40,701 --> 00:57:42,300 for the next 20 years, until I'm granted leave... 1100 00:57:42,301 --> 00:57:44,700 with my gold-plated watch and my balls full of tumors... 1101 00:57:44,701 --> 00:57:47,000 because I surrendered the one thing that means shit to me? 1102 00:57:47,001 --> 00:57:48,500 Well, honey, you can just exhale... 1103 00:57:48,501 --> 00:57:51,400 because it's not gonna happen, not in this lifetime. 1104 00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:54,399 All right, fine! You don't want to work, fine! 1105 00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:55,899 Lainie, goddamn it! 1106 00:57:55,900 --> 00:57:58,399 You want to be a band, then be a goddamn band! 1107 00:57:58,400 --> 00:57:59,900 Rehearse every day! Play every night! 1108 00:57:59,901 --> 00:58:01,400 Play three times a night! 1109 00:58:01,401 --> 00:58:05,400 Don't just dick around the same coffeehouse for five years! 1110 00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:08,499 Don't dick around with her or with me. 1111 00:58:08,500 --> 00:58:10,499 I mean, try at something, for once in your life! 1112 00:58:10,500 --> 00:58:12,499 Do something about it, but you know what? 1113 00:58:12,500 --> 00:58:14,999 You better do it now, and you better do it fast... 1114 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,499 because the world doesn't owe you any favors... 1115 00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:18,999 and whether you know it or not... 1116 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:21,200 you're on the inside track to Loserville, U.S.A... 1117 00:58:21,201 --> 00:58:23,500 just like him. 1118 00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,899 OK. It's just too psychotic in here now. 1119 00:58:35,900 --> 00:58:38,400 All right, Lelaina, let's go for a walk. 1120 00:58:39,700 --> 00:58:40,700 Fine. 1121 00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:45,000 Come on, man. Let them go. 1122 00:58:47,500 --> 00:58:51,299 With pleasure, my friends. With pleasure. Ha. 1123 00:58:51,300 --> 00:58:53,500 "With pleasure"? You know who I really feel sorry for... 1124 00:58:53,501 --> 00:58:54,999 is that poor girl. 1125 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,200 Oh, how about when he sneaks his laundry in with ours? 1126 00:58:57,201 --> 00:58:59,300 It's like I'm pulling that stuff out of the dryer... 1127 00:58:59,301 --> 00:59:00,800 and there's five pairs of his boxers... 1128 00:59:00,801 --> 00:59:02,300 I just washed unknowingly. 1129 00:59:02,301 --> 00:59:04,100 No, I'll just throw it back in his face. 1130 00:59:04,101 --> 00:59:06,199 Yeah, like I'm gonna do his laundry. Yeah. 1131 00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,299 He's weird. He's strange. He's sloppy. 1132 00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:10,399 He's a total nightmare for women. 1133 00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,300 I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet. 1134 00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:16,200 Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? 1135 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,200 Don't you think it would be so much easier? 1136 00:59:21,700 --> 00:59:24,199 Sometimes, but... 1137 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:26,499 Nah. I couldn't go through with it. 1138 00:59:26,500 --> 00:59:28,799 I'd start laughing or something. 1139 00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:31,199 But it's such a shame... 1140 00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,299 because I am so through with men. 1141 00:59:33,300 --> 00:59:35,299 If one more guy walks out on me... 1142 00:59:35,300 --> 00:59:37,299 I don't even know what. I swear. 1143 00:59:37,300 --> 00:59:39,399 What are you talking about... 1144 00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,599 Walk out on you? You walk out on them. 1145 00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:42,999 I've seen you. 1146 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,100 You're out the door before the condom comes off. 1147 00:59:46,100 --> 00:59:48,599 Listen to me, I'm just beating them to the punch. 1148 00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:49,800 OK. 1149 00:59:52,900 --> 00:59:55,899 You don't even know I'm sitting here... 1150 00:59:55,900 --> 00:59:57,400 maybe... 1151 00:59:58,900 --> 01:00:00,700 Probably dying of A.I.D.S. 1152 01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:10,700 And I'm totally alone. 1153 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,300 Vickie... 1154 01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:19,799 Well, uh... 1155 01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:21,500 you're not alone. 1156 01:00:23,500 --> 01:00:27,299 Hey. Look, I'm sorry for everything I said... 1157 01:00:27,300 --> 01:00:30,699 and I'm sorry for being such a bitch... 1158 01:00:30,700 --> 01:00:33,799 but I have to tell you, you're not alone. 1159 01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,899 You're not, and you're not dying of A.I.D.S. 1160 01:00:36,900 --> 01:00:39,899 You don't understand. Every day, all day... 1161 01:00:39,900 --> 01:00:42,399 it's all that I think about, OK? 1162 01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:43,899 Every time I sneeze... 1163 01:00:43,900 --> 01:00:46,899 it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice. 1164 01:00:46,900 --> 01:00:49,099 And it's like it's not even happening to me. 1165 01:00:49,100 --> 01:00:51,399 It's like I'm watching it on some crappy show... 1166 01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:52,700 like "Melrose Place" or some shit, right? 1167 01:00:52,701 --> 01:00:54,000 And I'm the new character. 1168 01:00:54,001 --> 01:00:55,500 I'm the H.I.V.-A.I.D.S. character... 1169 01:00:55,501 --> 01:00:57,600 and I live in the building, and I teach everybody... 1170 01:00:57,601 --> 01:00:59,800 that it's OK to be near me, it's OK to talk to me... 1171 01:00:59,801 --> 01:01:01,299 and then I die... 1172 01:01:01,300 --> 01:01:03,299 and there's everybody at my funeral... 1173 01:01:03,300 --> 01:01:05,800 wearing halter tops and chokers or some shit like that. 1174 01:01:07,100 --> 01:01:09,799 Vickie, stop, OK? Just stop. 1175 01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,999 You're freaking out, and you know what? 1176 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,099 You're gonna have to deal with the results. 1177 01:01:14,100 --> 01:01:15,900 Whatever they are, we're gonna have to deal with them... 1178 01:01:15,901 --> 01:01:17,700 just like we've dealt with everything else. 1179 01:01:17,701 --> 01:01:19,399 This isn't like everything else. 1180 01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,699 I know that, all right? 1181 01:01:21,700 --> 01:01:24,399 But it's gonna be OK, you know? 1182 01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:26,100 I know it's gonna be OK. 1183 01:01:30,900 --> 01:01:34,400 "Melrose Place" is a really good show. 1184 01:01:42,500 --> 01:01:45,000 Lelaina Pierce. 1185 01:01:46,300 --> 01:01:49,100 Is there a Lelaina Pierce here? 1186 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:53,300 Yeah. 1187 01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:01,899 Hello. Lelaina? 1188 01:02:01,900 --> 01:02:03,199 Ha ha! Hi! 1189 01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:04,900 Look, I had to call you right away. 1190 01:02:04,901 --> 01:02:06,400 Listen, listen. Don't kill me, OK? 1191 01:02:06,401 --> 01:02:07,699 What? What? 1192 01:02:07,700 --> 01:02:09,399 I took the tape, and I showed it. 1193 01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:10,899 No. 1194 01:02:10,900 --> 01:02:13,499 Wait, wait, wait. Listen. They freaked out. 1195 01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:14,999 They want to buy them. 1196 01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,899 - No. - Yes. 1197 01:02:16,900 --> 01:02:18,699 They liked it? 1198 01:02:18,700 --> 01:02:21,199 No, no. I mean, they, like, psychotically loved it. 1199 01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,799 They want to pay you for it. 1200 01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,700 I know this isn't P B.S., but is this OK? 1201 01:02:25,701 --> 01:02:28,499 Yes! I was this close to selling fruit at intersections. 1202 01:02:28,500 --> 01:02:30,499 Well, don't, all right? Don't. 1203 01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:32,100 Just hang on, and I'm gonna get you some money... 1204 01:02:32,101 --> 01:02:33,800 and I'm gonna be down there in a few days... 1205 01:02:33,801 --> 01:02:35,100 and I just... I'm just, like... 1206 01:02:35,101 --> 01:02:36,900 I'm thinking about you every second here. 1207 01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:40,099 Hello! Hello! Hello! 1208 01:02:40,100 --> 01:02:41,599 Hello! Can you hear me now? 1209 01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:43,799 Where are you? 1210 01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:45,099 I'm in a phone booth. 1211 01:02:45,100 --> 01:02:47,199 Why are you on a cellular phone? 1212 01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,699 I don't know. I have no idea. I'm just... 1213 01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:53,199 Michael, Michael, Michael, I... I really miss you! 1214 01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:55,499 I really miss you, too. I love you. Oh! Whoa! 1215 01:02:55,500 --> 01:02:58,499 I mean... I mean... you amaze me. 1216 01:02:58,500 --> 01:03:00,399 No! You amaze me! 1217 01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:02,099 Hello? 1218 01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:03,699 Can you hear me? 1219 01:03:03,700 --> 01:03:05,799 Michael, I'm losing you. 1220 01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:08,500 I'm gonna call you back. Wait. What? 1221 01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:17,500 Pay phone outside... always amazes me. 1222 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,100 Hey. 1223 01:03:20,100 --> 01:03:22,100 "Try me. I'm free." 1224 01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:26,600 Good mag. Good mag. 1225 01:03:28,900 --> 01:03:32,599 - Negatory. - Yeah! All right! 1226 01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,099 Did you hear that? Negative! 1227 01:03:35,100 --> 01:03:37,799 Here. Let me see that. 1228 01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,499 Hey, hey! All rightie! 1229 01:03:40,500 --> 01:03:42,499 Thanks for the help, Lainie. 1230 01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:44,499 A celebration zoom. 1231 01:03:44,500 --> 01:03:47,299 OK. Enough. 1232 01:03:47,300 --> 01:03:49,499 - Ma! - I'm right here, son. 1233 01:03:49,500 --> 01:03:51,499 - Ma. - Yeah? 1234 01:03:51,500 --> 01:03:55,799 I have to tell you some... thing. 1235 01:03:55,800 --> 01:04:01,100 I am... a... homo... sexual. 1236 01:04:02,100 --> 01:04:06,599 Oh, Christ. Is there a support group that I can join... 1237 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:10,099 to help me come to terms with my own homophobia? 1238 01:04:10,100 --> 01:04:12,099 Yes, there is... 1239 01:04:12,100 --> 01:04:14,599 a group which is named P F L.A.G.... 1240 01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:19,500 Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. 1241 01:04:20,500 --> 01:04:23,499 Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G. 1242 01:04:23,500 --> 01:04:26,800 I'm beginning to like the sound of that. 1243 01:04:29,300 --> 01:04:31,999 What you've just witnessed here is a preenactment... 1244 01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,800 of events that are about to take place. 1245 01:04:37,100 --> 01:04:43,899 Well... I came out to her, and... 1246 01:04:43,900 --> 01:04:47,799 she's still a little bit upset. 1247 01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:49,600 But you know... 1248 01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,699 You know, I think the real reason... 1249 01:04:53,700 --> 01:04:55,899 that I've been celibate for so long... 1250 01:04:55,900 --> 01:04:59,699 isn't really because I'm that terrified of the big "A"... 1251 01:04:59,700 --> 01:05:02,199 but because I can't really start my life... 1252 01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:04,700 without being honest about who I am and... 1253 01:05:06,700 --> 01:05:09,199 I want to be in there, too. 1254 01:05:09,200 --> 01:05:14,199 I want to feel miserable and happy and all of that. 1255 01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,199 I mean, I... 1256 01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:18,000 I want to... 1257 01:05:20,300 --> 01:05:23,100 I want to be let back in the house. 1258 01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:37,399 Hello. Oh, hi. 1259 01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:39,699 Um... sorry. 1260 01:05:39,700 --> 01:05:42,699 Just... the door was... 1261 01:05:42,700 --> 01:05:43,900 So I just, um... 1262 01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:47,200 Yeah, she's getting dressed. 1263 01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:50,300 Great. 1264 01:06:00,300 --> 01:06:01,800 I'll just... 1265 01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,599 Oh, I, um... I don't know if she told you... 1266 01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,100 but I just came back from New York... 1267 01:06:14,101 --> 01:06:17,199 with the tapes that she made, and the stuff of you... 1268 01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:19,399 it's really... it's really great stuff. 1269 01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:22,699 Really. That whole... that whole thing about... 1270 01:06:22,700 --> 01:06:26,199 "Nobody can eat all the eggs," that was... 1271 01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:27,699 that was really... 1272 01:06:27,700 --> 01:06:29,700 I was quoting Cool Hand Luke. 1273 01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:34,399 Yeah. That's OK. I mean... That's... I know. 1274 01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:37,300 It's... I mean... You know... It's still... It's... 1275 01:06:37,900 --> 01:06:39,899 Hi. 1276 01:06:39,900 --> 01:06:42,299 - Hi. - Hi. 1277 01:06:42,300 --> 01:06:44,599 What happened to your normal clothes? 1278 01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:46,699 Wow! Lelaina, look at you. 1279 01:06:46,700 --> 01:06:49,699 You look... Where'd you get that dress? 1280 01:06:49,700 --> 01:06:52,799 Oh, um... I don't know. I just bought it. 1281 01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,399 But I think I'm gonna go change because... 1282 01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:56,800 No, don't. You look beautiful. 1283 01:06:56,801 --> 01:06:59,099 You look like... You look like... 1284 01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:00,600 A doily. 1285 01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:06,699 - I'm gonna change. - No, don't change. 1286 01:07:06,700 --> 01:07:09,000 And don't go thinking for yourself either, Lainie. 1287 01:07:09,001 --> 01:07:11,099 Hey, what is your glitch, huh? 1288 01:07:11,100 --> 01:07:12,999 My "glitch"? 1289 01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,799 You know what? We're already late. 1290 01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:18,099 No, no, no, no. Hang on a second here. 1291 01:07:18,100 --> 01:07:20,400 Do you have, like, a problem with me or something? 1292 01:07:20,401 --> 01:07:22,700 Because if you do, let's just get this out, all right? 1293 01:07:22,701 --> 01:07:25,399 Seriously, is there, like... I mean, have I, like, uh... 1294 01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:28,099 stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? 1295 01:07:28,100 --> 01:07:29,900 Because.. Because... No, no, no. Excuse me... 1296 01:07:29,901 --> 01:07:32,100 if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you. 1297 01:07:32,101 --> 01:07:34,199 There's no secret handshake. 1298 01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:37,900 There's an I.Q. prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake. 1299 01:07:39,500 --> 01:07:41,299 I... This is... You... No... 1300 01:07:41,300 --> 01:07:44,199 This guy... you've got this whole thing with the world. 1301 01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:46,999 Don't you? Huh? That's great. That's really wonderful. 1302 01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:48,700 But guess what. I'm a human being, OK? 1303 01:07:48,701 --> 01:07:50,599 We're human beings, people, OK? 1304 01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:54,600 We're not, like, intelligence quotations or whatever. 1305 01:07:54,800 --> 01:07:56,799 - Just ignore him. - No! 1306 01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:58,000 Done. 1307 01:08:01,300 --> 01:08:03,399 Come on. Let's go. You don't need this. 1308 01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:05,200 You don't know what she needs. 1309 01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:10,100 I think I know what she needs in a way that you never will. 1310 01:08:15,900 --> 01:08:17,500 Let's go. 1311 01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:25,899 Baby, tell me that my love ain't good 1312 01:08:25,900 --> 01:08:31,399 I don't treat you right, I don't do you like I should... 1313 01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:33,999 Listen, that's got to be back here, OK? 1314 01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:35,500 - Hi. - Hi. 1315 01:08:36,500 --> 01:08:37,999 So, you ready? 1316 01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:39,899 Well, what's it like? I mean... 1317 01:08:39,900 --> 01:08:41,599 It's great. It's great. 1318 01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,400 I mean, I haven't actually seen it yet... 1319 01:08:43,401 --> 01:08:45,699 but we had our best guys working on it... 1320 01:08:45,700 --> 01:08:48,299 and, you know, we just put some titles on... 1321 01:08:48,300 --> 01:08:50,899 and shaped it a little bit. It's gonna be great. 1322 01:08:50,900 --> 01:08:52,199 OK. 1323 01:08:52,200 --> 01:08:53,799 OK, OK. 1324 01:08:53,800 --> 01:08:55,300 OK. Thanks. 1325 01:08:56,300 --> 01:08:59,399 OK, everybody, it's a special night... 1326 01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:01,399 because, as you know, we're entering into... 1327 01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:02,900 a new phase here at the channel... 1328 01:09:02,901 --> 01:09:04,899 real programming. 1329 01:09:04,900 --> 01:09:07,399 And our first step is this remarkable piece... 1330 01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:08,800 by Lelaina. 1331 01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:14,799 So hang on, because this is going to change... 1332 01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:16,500 the face of "In Your Face." 1333 01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,099 What's this? 1334 01:09:47,100 --> 01:09:49,500 It's just transitional stuff. 1335 01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:55,599 La la la-la la 1336 01:09:55,600 --> 01:10:01,999 The story of my life 1337 01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:03,000 We're finished! 1338 01:10:03,001 --> 01:10:06,899 School's out forever 1339 01:10:06,900 --> 01:10:10,199 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 1340 01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:12,899 And you wonder why we never got involved. 1341 01:10:12,900 --> 01:10:15,599 School's been blown to pieces 1342 01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:17,499 Love can make you weep 1343 01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:19,299 I don't want to get married... 1344 01:10:19,300 --> 01:10:20,700 because I see how my parents are. 1345 01:10:20,701 --> 01:10:22,900 - My parents got divorced... - My parents got divorced... 1346 01:10:22,901 --> 01:10:24,700 - When I was fourteen. - When I was five years old. 1347 01:10:24,701 --> 01:10:27,600 My mother actually goes to the bathroom with the door open. 1348 01:10:33,800 --> 01:10:36,499 I swore to myself I'd never get married. 1349 01:10:36,500 --> 01:10:37,500 I want passion. 1350 01:10:37,501 --> 01:10:40,499 Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about... 1351 01:10:40,500 --> 01:10:43,299 Turns you on, doesn't it? Brownies! 1352 01:10:43,300 --> 01:10:47,599 Would you two just do it and get it over with? I'm starving. 1353 01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:49,599 Oh, my god. 1354 01:10:49,600 --> 01:10:51,100 But the question remains... 1355 01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,899 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 1356 01:10:55,900 --> 01:10:58,099 I was told there'd be no math on this exam. 1357 01:10:58,100 --> 01:10:59,599 Can I change my answer? 1358 01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:00,999 The answer is simple. 1359 01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:03,299 We're on a road to nowhere 1360 01:11:03,300 --> 01:11:05,499 Jesus. 1361 01:11:05,500 --> 01:11:07,499 The answer is... The-the-the answer is... 1362 01:11:07,500 --> 01:11:08,599 Pizza! 1363 01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:09,699 Pizza. 1364 01:11:09,700 --> 01:11:11,300 Pizza. Ha ha. 1365 01:11:21,100 --> 01:11:22,600 Oh... 1366 01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:27,099 - It's, um... - Yeah, right. 1367 01:11:27,100 --> 01:11:30,199 We're on a road to nowhere 1368 01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:33,099 But here we go 1369 01:11:33,100 --> 01:11:34,800 Lelaina. 1370 01:11:43,200 --> 01:11:45,699 Lelaina, look. I'm sorry, all right? I didn't know. 1371 01:11:45,700 --> 01:11:47,700 That was not my work, Michael. That's not what I did. 1372 01:11:47,701 --> 01:11:49,700 That's not what I want. It had nothing! 1373 01:11:49,701 --> 01:11:51,699 I can't believe I trusted you! 1374 01:11:51,700 --> 01:11:53,699 I had no idea! I didn't see it! 1375 01:11:53,700 --> 01:11:56,199 I mean, look. I guess it was probably a little slow... 1376 01:11:56,200 --> 01:11:57,699 and they cut it up a little... 1377 01:11:57,700 --> 01:11:58,699 Cut it up? 1378 01:11:58,700 --> 01:12:00,700 They cut up everything that meant anything to me! 1379 01:12:00,701 --> 01:12:03,200 I mean, I don't even think you realize what you've done. 1380 01:12:03,201 --> 01:12:05,200 You don't get it. You just don't get it! 1381 01:12:05,201 --> 01:12:07,199 I do get it! Look. It just... 1382 01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:09,199 It's, like, you have this great piece of work... 1383 01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:11,199 and we have this audience, these kids... 1384 01:12:11,200 --> 01:12:13,200 and it's like trying to feed them meatloaf or something... 1385 01:12:13,201 --> 01:12:14,700 and they don't want to eat it, right? 1386 01:12:14,701 --> 01:12:16,500 So you have to give them, like, "Here comes the plane. 1387 01:12:16,501 --> 01:12:18,200 "It's coming into the hangar. Open up the hangar." 1388 01:12:18,201 --> 01:12:19,400 But it's still meatloaf. 1389 01:12:19,401 --> 01:12:21,099 It was never meatloaf! 1390 01:12:21,100 --> 01:12:22,699 That's a bad... I just... 1391 01:12:22,700 --> 01:12:24,199 Look, I'm sorry, all right? 1392 01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:25,700 They were just trying to market it. 1393 01:12:25,701 --> 01:12:27,200 And I wish I could be perfect, OK? 1394 01:12:27,201 --> 01:12:28,700 I wish I could be like Troy... 1395 01:12:28,701 --> 01:12:30,700 riding on his melted cheese sandwich and everything. 1396 01:12:30,701 --> 01:12:32,300 Don't you dare bring Troy into this. 1397 01:12:32,301 --> 01:12:33,700 Hey, I wish I could be like him. 1398 01:12:33,701 --> 01:12:35,200 I wish I could live off of creeds and mottoes... 1399 01:12:35,201 --> 01:12:36,700 and all that shit, all right? 1400 01:12:36,701 --> 01:12:38,700 But I'm in the real world here, OK? 1401 01:12:38,701 --> 01:12:41,199 And I have ideals also. 1402 01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:45,099 They're that I... I care about you... 1403 01:12:45,100 --> 01:12:47,199 and I want to make you happy... 1404 01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:48,700 and I'm... 1405 01:12:50,700 --> 01:12:52,199 I just... 1406 01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:53,600 Look... 1407 01:12:56,200 --> 01:12:59,100 I'll make them take the pizza thing out, OK? 1408 01:13:03,200 --> 01:13:06,499 I'm just a bill 1409 01:13:06,500 --> 01:13:09,799 Yes, I'm only a bill 1410 01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:15,799 And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill 1411 01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:20,200 Well, it's a long, long journey to... 1412 01:13:26,900 --> 01:13:29,300 How'd the big premiere turn out? 1413 01:13:32,200 --> 01:13:33,400 Fine. 1414 01:13:40,900 --> 01:13:43,900 They were just videotapes, right? 1415 01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:47,600 Who cares? Ha ha. 1416 01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:55,600 I just worked so hard on them, you know? 1417 01:13:57,900 --> 01:14:00,400 I worked so hard. 1418 01:14:01,900 --> 01:14:04,399 Ah, forget it. I just sound pathetic. 1419 01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:07,100 No, you don't. You don't sound pathetic. 1420 01:14:08,400 --> 01:14:10,899 You know, I know it sounds stupid... 1421 01:14:10,900 --> 01:14:13,400 but it really meant something to me. 1422 01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:19,399 I know it wasn't gonna, you know, end world hunger... 1423 01:14:19,400 --> 01:14:21,899 or, you know, save the planet... 1424 01:14:21,900 --> 01:14:24,300 but it just meant something to me. 1425 01:14:27,600 --> 01:14:29,400 I just don't... 1426 01:14:31,900 --> 01:14:35,099 Understand why things just can't go back to normal... 1427 01:14:35,100 --> 01:14:37,399 at the end of the half-hour... 1428 01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:39,800 like on "The Brady Bunch" or something. 1429 01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:45,200 Well, because Mr. Brady died of A.I.D.S. 1430 01:14:49,200 --> 01:14:51,500 Things don't work out like that. 1431 01:14:53,500 --> 01:14:59,000 I was really gonna be something by the age of twenty-three. 1432 01:15:00,300 --> 01:15:04,300 Honey, all you have to be by the age of twenty-three... 1433 01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:06,100 is yourself. 1434 01:15:10,100 --> 01:15:13,299 I don't know who that is anymore. 1435 01:15:13,300 --> 01:15:14,700 Well, I do. 1436 01:15:17,100 --> 01:15:20,400 And we all love her. I love her. 1437 01:15:21,900 --> 01:15:23,900 Uh... 1438 01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:27,499 She breaks my heart again and again... 1439 01:15:27,500 --> 01:15:29,000 but, uh... 1440 01:15:30,300 --> 01:15:32,000 But I love her. 1441 01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:36,100 I've wanted you like this for all these years. 1442 01:17:19,200 --> 01:17:20,399 Hey. 1443 01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:23,699 Hi. Ha ha. Where are you going? 1444 01:17:23,700 --> 01:17:25,700 I have rehearsal. 1445 01:17:27,400 --> 01:17:30,699 At 8:24 in the morning? 1446 01:17:30,700 --> 01:17:32,500 Yeah. Ha ha. 1447 01:17:37,700 --> 01:17:39,599 - So... that's it? - No. 1448 01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:41,899 No, that's not... It's not it. 1449 01:17:41,900 --> 01:17:44,200 I just... I, uh... I have to go. 1450 01:18:01,100 --> 01:18:05,700 Got a party mama, got a cokehead dad 1451 01:18:09,400 --> 01:18:14,900 I'm the ultimate inversion, the American man 1452 01:18:17,800 --> 01:18:22,800 Don't feel good, but don't feel bad 1453 01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:27,300 It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1454 01:18:32,800 --> 01:18:35,299 I ain't left, I ain't right 1455 01:18:35,300 --> 01:18:36,899 I feel so alone 1456 01:18:36,900 --> 01:18:40,900 Before I was born, I was all gone 1457 01:18:41,100 --> 01:18:44,799 Don't even make sense that I wrote this song 1458 01:18:44,800 --> 01:18:46,099 'Cause... 1459 01:18:46,100 --> 01:18:48,599 Tell me it's not true. 1460 01:18:48,600 --> 01:18:51,800 It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1461 01:18:53,300 --> 01:18:55,800 I'm nuthin' 1462 01:18:58,000 --> 01:18:59,900 Nuthin' 1463 01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:02,500 That's me 1464 01:19:04,700 --> 01:19:06,800 I'm nuthin' 1465 01:19:13,200 --> 01:19:18,299 Lainie, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship. 1466 01:19:18,300 --> 01:19:19,600 Come on. 1467 01:19:23,800 --> 01:19:26,099 Thank you. We'll be right back... 1468 01:19:26,100 --> 01:19:28,300 with a new American cheese snack idea. 1469 01:19:30,300 --> 01:19:32,700 You got a phone call. 1470 01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:36,999 Lelaina. 1471 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,199 - Hi. - Hi. 1472 01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:39,500 Don't say anything, all right? 1473 01:19:39,501 --> 01:19:41,799 Look, I screwed up, all right? I know. 1474 01:19:41,800 --> 01:19:44,299 I should have protected you and your work... 1475 01:19:44,300 --> 01:19:45,799 and I didn't, and I'm sorry. 1476 01:19:45,800 --> 01:19:47,299 I'm so sorry that I didn't. 1477 01:19:47,300 --> 01:19:49,499 And I want to make this up to you, OK? 1478 01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:51,400 You mean so much to me, Lelaina... 1479 01:19:51,401 --> 01:19:53,099 and I just... 1480 01:19:53,100 --> 01:19:55,099 Look, two tickets, all right, New York. 1481 01:19:55,100 --> 01:19:56,900 We go, and we give them a presentation... 1482 01:19:56,901 --> 01:19:58,700 of the show the way you want it done. 1483 01:19:58,701 --> 01:20:00,000 Michael, I don't... 1484 01:20:00,001 --> 01:20:01,900 I know. I know, but this time is different. 1485 01:20:01,901 --> 01:20:04,899 I mean, who's the boss, huh? Huh? Tony Danza? No. 1486 01:20:04,900 --> 01:20:06,499 I don't think so. It's you. 1487 01:20:06,500 --> 01:20:07,600 It's your show, and I just... 1488 01:20:10,300 --> 01:20:12,899 I just... you know, feel like maybe... 1489 01:20:12,900 --> 01:20:15,400 I deserve another shot here. 1490 01:20:20,400 --> 01:20:21,899 Well, hi, Lelaina. 1491 01:20:21,900 --> 01:20:23,399 Hi. 1492 01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:24,900 What, is there a frog in your throat... 1493 01:20:24,901 --> 01:20:26,499 or are you just glad to see me? 1494 01:20:26,500 --> 01:20:28,400 Hi, Mike. Thanks for coming down, man. 1495 01:20:28,401 --> 01:20:30,000 No hard feelings. 1496 01:20:37,800 --> 01:20:39,600 Lelaina, you're looking a little peaked. 1497 01:20:40,900 --> 01:20:42,199 Yeah. Are you OK? 1498 01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:43,899 She's fine. She's fine. 1499 01:20:43,900 --> 01:20:45,600 She's just had too many Diet Cokes today. 1500 01:20:45,601 --> 01:20:48,099 Yeah, this girl is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. 1501 01:20:48,100 --> 01:20:49,400 Ha. 1502 01:20:51,100 --> 01:20:53,400 So, are you gonna tell him, or am I? 1503 01:21:04,900 --> 01:21:08,900 Could you excuse me? Could I talk to you? 1504 01:21:14,900 --> 01:21:16,200 Hi. 1505 01:21:19,700 --> 01:21:21,900 You want to tell me what the hell he's doing here? 1506 01:21:21,901 --> 01:21:24,099 I wanted to talk to you. 1507 01:21:24,100 --> 01:21:25,899 What the hell do you care? 1508 01:21:25,900 --> 01:21:27,899 You totally bailed on me this morning. 1509 01:21:27,900 --> 01:21:29,499 I panicked. It happens. 1510 01:21:29,500 --> 01:21:31,999 I thought we could work it out, you know. 1511 01:21:32,000 --> 01:21:35,699 I mean, I don't know if now is the right time for us. 1512 01:21:35,700 --> 01:21:39,499 Look, I meant everything that I said to you last night. 1513 01:21:39,500 --> 01:21:40,900 Don't look at me like that. 1514 01:21:40,901 --> 01:21:43,400 Don't look at me like that. That's not what I'm saying. 1515 01:21:43,401 --> 01:21:45,999 I'm not saying I... 1516 01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:48,599 Look, you are the only woman... 1517 01:21:48,600 --> 01:21:50,500 that I could ever commit myself to. 1518 01:21:50,501 --> 01:21:52,999 So what? Do I get a medal? 1519 01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:56,099 I win the big commitment cook-off, and you just run away? 1520 01:21:56,100 --> 01:21:58,999 I knew this was gonna happen! I knew this was gonna happen! 1521 01:21:59,000 --> 01:22:01,099 I don't want to lose you. 1522 01:22:01,100 --> 01:22:04,600 I've never been in an experience like this before. 1523 01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:09,700 I've never had sex with somebody that I loved before. 1524 01:22:11,100 --> 01:22:13,599 Oh, well, congratulations, Troy Dyer. 1525 01:22:13,600 --> 01:22:15,900 Welcome to the world of the emotionally immature. 1526 01:22:15,901 --> 01:22:18,099 It's a really nice place to visit. 1527 01:22:18,100 --> 01:22:20,399 Hey, you may run into Michael. He lives here. 1528 01:22:20,400 --> 01:22:22,500 Oh, yeah, right. Michael. Michael. He's so mature... 1529 01:22:22,501 --> 01:22:24,900 because he lets you navigate that entire relationship. 1530 01:22:24,901 --> 01:22:27,100 Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina, but you can't navigate me. 1531 01:22:27,101 --> 01:22:29,199 I might do mean things, and I might hurt you... 1532 01:22:29,200 --> 01:22:31,100 and I might run away without your permission... 1533 01:22:31,101 --> 01:22:32,600 and you might hate me forever. 1534 01:22:32,601 --> 01:22:34,800 And I know that that scares the shit out of you... 1535 01:22:34,801 --> 01:22:36,900 because I'm the only real thing that you have. 1536 01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:42,099 Yeah? Well, that ain't real much. 1537 01:22:42,100 --> 01:22:44,600 One, two, three, four. 1538 01:22:46,100 --> 01:22:47,800 Hey, Troy, man, you're on. 1539 01:22:57,600 --> 01:22:58,999 Michael, I'm sorry... 1540 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:00,967 Listen, I'm sorry, all right? That's what this is all about. 1541 01:23:02,100 --> 01:23:03,500 This one's for you, Lainie. 1542 01:23:18,100 --> 01:23:22,100 Why can't I get just one kiss? 1543 01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:24,300 You told me there'd be some things that I wouldn't miss 1544 01:23:24,301 --> 01:23:25,800 But I looked at your pants 1545 01:23:25,801 --> 01:23:27,100 And I need a kiss 1546 01:23:27,101 --> 01:23:31,100 Why can't I get just one screw? 1547 01:23:31,200 --> 01:23:33,599 Believe me, I'd know what to do 1548 01:23:33,600 --> 01:23:35,500 But something won't let me make love to you 1549 01:23:35,501 --> 01:23:40,300 Why can't I get just one ah? 1550 01:23:54,700 --> 01:23:56,699 Oh, nice job. Very well done. Really good. 1551 01:23:56,700 --> 01:23:59,199 I don't want to hear it from you. 1552 01:23:59,200 --> 01:24:02,199 Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not qualified to talk to you. 1553 01:24:02,200 --> 01:24:04,099 I'm sorry I can't be Mister... 1554 01:24:04,100 --> 01:24:06,799 Hey, look at me. I'm Buddha on the mountaintop. 1555 01:24:06,800 --> 01:24:09,200 You know what you are, man? You what what you remind me of? 1556 01:24:09,201 --> 01:24:12,199 You're like that guy, you know, with the... 1557 01:24:12,200 --> 01:24:14,699 with the hat and the bells and the little, you know... 1558 01:24:14,700 --> 01:24:16,099 The court jester. 1559 01:24:16,100 --> 01:24:18,200 Yeah, right. Where everything's so easy to laugh at... 1560 01:24:18,201 --> 01:24:21,199 from a safe distance back in Clever-Clever Land. 1561 01:24:21,200 --> 01:24:23,899 You know what happens to him? 1562 01:24:23,900 --> 01:24:26,199 They find his skull in a grave, and they go... 1563 01:24:26,200 --> 01:24:29,599 "Oh, I knew him, and he was funny." 1564 01:24:29,600 --> 01:24:33,600 And the guy, the court jester, dies all by himself. 1565 01:24:35,200 --> 01:24:37,400 Where'd you hear that, a Renaissance festival? 1566 01:24:42,700 --> 01:24:45,400 Besides, everyone dies all by himself. 1567 01:24:53,300 --> 01:24:55,200 If you really believe that... 1568 01:24:56,800 --> 01:24:59,500 Who are you looking for out here? 1569 01:25:19,100 --> 01:25:25,099 You say you want 1570 01:25:25,100 --> 01:25:29,899 Diamonds on a ring of gold 1571 01:25:29,900 --> 01:25:35,099 You say you want 1572 01:25:35,100 --> 01:25:40,199 Your story to remain untold 1573 01:25:40,200 --> 01:25:45,299 But all the promises we make 1574 01:25:45,300 --> 01:25:50,599 From the cradle to the grave 1575 01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:53,200 When all I want is you 1576 01:26:06,000 --> 01:26:11,599 You say you'll give me 1577 01:26:11,600 --> 01:26:16,499 A highway with no one on it 1578 01:26:16,500 --> 01:26:21,499 Treasure just to look upon it 1579 01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:26,399 All the riches in the night 1580 01:26:26,400 --> 01:26:32,599 You say you'll give me 1581 01:26:32,600 --> 01:26:37,499 Eyes in a moon of blindness 1582 01:26:37,500 --> 01:26:41,999 A river in a time of dryness 1583 01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:46,399 A harbour in the tempest 1584 01:26:46,400 --> 01:26:52,299 But all the promises we make 1585 01:26:52,300 --> 01:26:57,899 From the cradle to the grave 1586 01:26:57,900 --> 01:27:04,800 When all I want is you 1587 01:27:31,600 --> 01:27:32,700 Hello. 1588 01:27:34,300 --> 01:27:35,799 Hello? 1589 01:27:35,800 --> 01:27:43,299 All I want is you 1590 01:27:43,300 --> 01:27:48,599 All I want is you 1591 01:27:48,600 --> 01:27:53,800 All I want is you... 1592 01:28:17,000 --> 01:28:19,999 - Hey, Lainie. This is Lance. - Hi. 1593 01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:23,999 Um... I just need to know if he's OK. 1594 01:28:24,000 --> 01:28:25,500 Huh? 1595 01:28:27,000 --> 01:28:30,999 OK. All I know is he went back to Chicago... 1596 01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:32,500 alone. 1597 01:28:35,000 --> 01:28:38,000 I'm not supposed to know that, am I? 1598 01:29:02,600 --> 01:29:04,000 Shit. 1599 01:29:24,200 --> 01:29:26,000 Shit. 1600 01:29:34,000 --> 01:29:35,899 Hi. 1601 01:29:35,900 --> 01:29:38,999 I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute... 1602 01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:40,500 before you go. 1603 01:29:45,500 --> 01:29:50,100 See, the thing is that, um... 1604 01:29:53,600 --> 01:29:55,599 Well... 1605 01:29:55,600 --> 01:29:57,599 my dad died. 1606 01:29:57,600 --> 01:29:59,599 Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1607 01:29:59,600 --> 01:30:01,300 No. It... 1608 01:30:02,800 --> 01:30:06,099 What happened was that, um... 1609 01:30:06,100 --> 01:30:12,199 I kind of got this arcane glimpse at the universe. 1610 01:30:12,200 --> 01:30:16,600 And the best thing that I can say about that is... 1611 01:30:23,200 --> 01:30:25,200 I don't know. I... 1612 01:30:29,700 --> 01:30:34,199 I have this... this planet of regret... 1613 01:30:34,200 --> 01:30:36,200 sitting on my shoulders. 1614 01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:43,199 And you have no idea how much I wish that I could go back... 1615 01:30:43,200 --> 01:30:45,999 to that morning after we made love... 1616 01:30:46,000 --> 01:30:48,800 and do everything different. 1617 01:30:50,200 --> 01:30:53,400 But I know that I can't, so... 1618 01:30:54,700 --> 01:30:58,200 I thought that I would come here and tell you something. 1619 01:30:59,700 --> 01:31:02,699 And what I wanted to tell you... 1620 01:31:02,700 --> 01:31:04,699 was that I love you... 1621 01:31:04,700 --> 01:31:08,700 and, uh... just wanted to make sure that that was clear... 1622 01:31:08,800 --> 01:31:11,300 so that there wasn't any confusion. 1623 01:31:17,200 --> 01:31:18,700 Um... 1624 01:31:19,700 --> 01:31:22,700 So, anyway, uh... 1625 01:31:24,200 --> 01:31:25,899 Where are you going? 1626 01:31:25,900 --> 01:31:29,300 I was going to look for you. 1627 01:31:30,800 --> 01:31:32,300 What for? 1628 01:31:35,800 --> 01:31:40,900 Just... wanted to see if you were OK. 1629 01:31:47,400 --> 01:31:50,700 Well, I had a shitty week, you know. 1630 01:32:29,100 --> 01:32:32,099 A froggy went a-courting, and he did ride 1631 01:32:32,100 --> 01:32:36,399 With a sword and a pistol by his side 1632 01:32:36,400 --> 01:32:41,400 Uh-huh, uh-huh, mmm-hmm-hmm 1633 01:32:42,900 --> 01:32:45,900 Well, he rode right up to Miss Mousie's door... 1634 01:32:48,900 --> 01:32:50,400 At the beep... 1635 01:32:50,401 --> 01:32:52,400 please leave your name, number, and a brief justification... 1636 01:32:52,401 --> 01:32:53,900 for the ontological necessity... 1637 01:32:53,901 --> 01:32:55,900 of modern man's existential dilemma... 1638 01:32:55,901 --> 01:32:58,399 and we'll get back to you. 1639 01:32:58,400 --> 01:33:00,299 Uh, Lelaina, this is your dad. 1640 01:33:00,300 --> 01:33:02,199 Give me a call when you get this. 1641 01:33:02,200 --> 01:33:03,999 I need you to explain something. 1642 01:33:04,000 --> 01:33:06,900 I just got a nine-hundred-dollar bill on my gas card. 1643 01:33:09,400 --> 01:33:15,899 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 1644 01:33:15,900 --> 01:33:19,500 I hear you call, I will run 1645 01:33:21,100 --> 01:33:26,599 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 1646 01:33:26,600 --> 01:33:30,599 We won't cry, because it could be fun 1647 01:33:30,600 --> 01:33:32,600 What I'm trying to do is constantly find those people... 1648 01:33:32,601 --> 01:33:35,599 find out what makes them the best and bring that... 1649 01:33:35,600 --> 01:33:37,100 Tired of getting razzes for being bald? 1650 01:33:37,101 --> 01:33:38,599 I'm only a young man. 1651 01:33:38,600 --> 01:33:40,600 No more dates where I've been called old man. 1652 01:33:45,600 --> 01:33:48,299 Roy, why are you doing this to me? 1653 01:33:48,300 --> 01:33:49,799 I know we can be happy together. 1654 01:33:49,800 --> 01:33:52,699 You'll chill in time. Right now, I need someone... 1655 01:33:52,700 --> 01:33:55,499 who understands what my music and the band mean to me. 1656 01:33:55,500 --> 01:33:57,799 But it's just music, Roy. 1657 01:33:57,800 --> 01:34:00,599 I'm a human being with deep feelings... 1658 01:34:00,600 --> 01:34:03,799 who feels things deeply. 1659 01:34:03,800 --> 01:34:06,099 Music is feeling, babe. 1660 01:34:06,100 --> 01:34:08,599 The band may be a small dream, but it's the only one I've got. 1661 01:34:08,600 --> 01:34:10,600 I'm Audi 5000. 1662 01:34:13,400 --> 01:34:16,099 Please don't let him get drunk and drive. 1663 01:34:16,100 --> 01:34:18,999 Won't be very long 1664 01:34:19,000 --> 01:34:21,800 Till I'm going, going, gone 1665 01:34:35,100 --> 01:34:37,100 You say 1666 01:34:38,100 --> 01:34:41,100 I only hear what I want to 1667 01:34:46,800 --> 01:34:49,100 You say 1668 01:34:50,300 --> 01:34:53,199 I talk so all the time 1669 01:34:53,200 --> 01:34:54,600 So? 1670 01:34:58,600 --> 01:35:01,499 And I thought what I felt was simple 1671 01:35:01,500 --> 01:35:04,399 And I thought that I don't belong 1672 01:35:04,400 --> 01:35:07,399 And now that I am leaving 1673 01:35:07,400 --> 01:35:09,799 Now I know that I did something wrong 1674 01:35:09,800 --> 01:35:11,400 'Cause I missed you 1675 01:35:13,600 --> 01:35:17,600 Yeah, yeah, I missed you 1676 01:35:22,800 --> 01:35:24,900 And you say 1677 01:35:26,300 --> 01:35:28,299 I only hear what I want to 1678 01:35:28,300 --> 01:35:30,799 I don't listen hard, I don't pay attention 1679 01:35:30,800 --> 01:35:32,500 To the distance that you're running 1680 01:35:32,501 --> 01:35:34,099 Or to anyone, anywhere 1681 01:35:34,100 --> 01:35:36,999 I don't understand if you really care 1682 01:35:37,000 --> 01:35:40,799 I'm only hearing negative, no, no, no, no 1683 01:35:40,800 --> 01:35:42,799 No... 1684 01:35:42,800 --> 01:35:46,299 So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up 1685 01:35:46,300 --> 01:35:48,799 And this woman was singing my song 1686 01:35:48,800 --> 01:35:52,099 The lover's in love, and the other's run away 1687 01:35:52,100 --> 01:35:54,799 The lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay 1688 01:35:54,800 --> 01:35:57,499 Some of us hover when we weep for the other 1689 01:35:57,500 --> 01:36:00,499 Who was dying since the day they were born, well 1690 01:36:00,500 --> 01:36:03,499 Well, this is not that, I think that I'm throwing 1691 01:36:03,500 --> 01:36:06,799 But I'm thrown 1692 01:36:06,800 --> 01:36:09,299 And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure 1693 01:36:09,300 --> 01:36:11,299 You try to tell me that I'm clever 1694 01:36:11,300 --> 01:36:13,499 But that won't take me anyhow 1695 01:36:13,500 --> 01:36:17,300 Or anywhere with you 1696 01:36:19,300 --> 01:36:22,299 You said that I was naive and 1697 01:36:22,300 --> 01:36:25,299 I thought that I was strong, no 1698 01:36:25,300 --> 01:36:28,399 I thought, hey, I can leave, I can leave, though 1699 01:36:28,400 --> 01:36:30,399 But now I know that I was wrong 1700 01:36:30,400 --> 01:36:32,300 Because I missed you 1701 01:36:34,500 --> 01:36:39,000 Yeah, I missed you 125170