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announcer: VARSITY THEATER,
WOULD YOU PLEASE WELCOME
4
00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,191
JOSH BLUE!
5
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:23,110
[cheers and applause]
6
00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:28,289
Josh Blue:
HEY!
7
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:40,605
ALL RIGHT.
8
00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,651
SO LOOK, I WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS
SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF
9
00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,783
THAT I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE
DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME.
10
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:49,136
I WASN'T BORN HERE
IN THE UNITED STATES.
11
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:53,531
I WAS ACTUALLY BORN
IN CAMEROON, WEST AFRICA.
12
00:00:57,318 --> 00:01:02,236
YEAH, MY DAD WAS OVER THERE,
TEACHING ENGLISH,
13
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:06,457
AND MY MOM WAS THERE, TOO.
14
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:13,073
I GUESS THAT'S HOW
THAT WORKS, YOU KNOW.
15
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:18,513
APPARENTLY A LOT BETTER THAN ME
TRYING TO DO THAT SHIT, HUH?
16
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:23,735
BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU THIS.
17
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:28,914
I DON'T THINK MY PARENTS
WERE NECESSARILY EXPECTING ME.
18
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:35,051
ANYWAY, I JUST DON'T THINK
THEY WERE PLANNING ON
19
00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:39,316
GIVING BIRTH, YOU KNOW,
IN AFRICA.
20
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:41,405
WHAT'D THEY THINK
WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
21
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,324
YOU KNOW,
AFRICA'S NOT REALLY KNOWN
22
00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:53,113
FOR ITS MEDICAL FACILITIES--
TODAY.
23
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:58,988
BUT 32 YEARS AGO?
24
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,382
FUCKING BUCKLE UP!
25
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:05,603
[applause]
26
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,434
THEY DON'T HAVE
THE RIGHT TOOLS, YOU KNOW.
27
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:13,045
"OH, THE BABY'S COMING!
GET THE SHOVEL!"
28
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:17,006
[laughter]
29
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:23,665
OBVIOUSLY, WHEN I WAS BORN,
THERE WERE SOME COMPLICATIONS.
30
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:28,235
AND, UH, WHEN I CAME OUT...
31
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,111
I WAS A COMEDIAN.
32
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:36,678
[laughter, applause]
33
00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:45,165
YOU GUYS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
I WAS GOING TO SAY, DID YOU?
34
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:48,733
I COULD HEAR ALL YOUR ASSHOLES
CLOSE AT ONCE.
35
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:51,954
[laughter]
36
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,739
"HMM. THIS IS AWKWARD
AND UNCOMFORTABLE. HMM.
37
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:58,613
[laughter]
38
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:01,006
COMEDIAN,
OH, THANK GOD. OKAY."
39
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,145
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU THOUGH,
I'M GLAD I WAS BORN IN AFRICA
40
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,365
BECAUSE I GOT TO LEARN
A LOT OF STUFF ABOUT THE WORLD.
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00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:12,801
I GOT TO REALIZE
42
00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:16,065
THAT JUST BECAUSE I HAVE
A PHYSICAL DISABILITY
43
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,023
DOESN'T MEAN
THAT I DON'T HAVE
44
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:23,203
A BUNCH OF OTHER
SPECTACULAR THINGS IN MY LIFE.
45
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:28,512
[applause]
46
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:33,082
LIKE FOOD...
47
00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:39,044
SHOES.
48
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:42,570
YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY
EVEN COOLER THAN THAT, THOUGH,
49
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:47,618
IS WHAT I REALIZED IS THAT NOW
THAT I LIVE HERE IN THE U.S.,
50
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:50,447
AND I WAS BORN IN AFRICA,
51
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:53,015
TECHNICALLY THAT MAKES ME
AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
52
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:56,061
[applause]
[laughter]
53
00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:03,808
SHIT.
54
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:08,465
[laughter]
55
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,554
I'M GOING TO BE PRESIDENT.
56
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,124
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,
IT'S AWESOME
57
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,082
BEING AFRICAN-AMERICAN--
58
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:20,825
ESPECIALLY A WHITE ONE.
59
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:24,351
[laughter]
60
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:25,874
I AM PRETTY SURE
THAT HAS MADE IT
61
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:28,572
QUITE A BIT EASIER ON ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
62
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:35,100
I DON'T GET PULLED OVER
FOR NO REASON.
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00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,889
BUT WHEN I DO,
I HAVE LOTS OF FUN WITH IT.
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00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,282
"YOU KNOW WHY
I PULLED YOU OVER?"
65
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:44,632
"YEAH, BECAUSE
I'M AFRICAN-AMERICAN."
66
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,509
"NO, THAT'S NOT WHY. NO.
67
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,513
YOU'RE DRIVING
ON THE SIDEWALK."
68
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:00,952
"TOUCHE."
69
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:09,439
MEANWHILE, THIS ARM'S
RUMMAGING IN THE GLOVE BOX AND--
70
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,706
"I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH HIM."
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00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:26,151
I DON'T REALLY DRIVE.
72
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,809
YOU GUYS SHOULD
ALL BE GLAD FOR THAT.
73
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:37,728
I TRY TO TAKE CABS.
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00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:40,992
THE KEY WORD IS TRY,
BECAUSE I CAN ASSURE YOU
75
00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:42,559
THAT I'VE HAD
PLENTY OF CAB DRIVERS
76
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:45,997
JUST PULL AWAY FROM ME
LIKE, "UN-UH..."
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00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:51,612
WHAT'S HE GOING TO PAY WITH,
STICKY CHANGE?"
78
00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:58,880
"YEAH, CAN YOU HELP ME GET IT
OUT OF MY POCKET?"
79
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,624
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS,
80
00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:09,238
BEING PHYSICALLY DISABLED
AND AFRICAN-AMERICAN?
81
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:13,895
SHIT.
82
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:21,424
LET'S JUST SAY
I LOOK GOOD ON PAPER.
83
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,305
ACTUALLY, WHAT'S REALLY
HAPPENING UP HERE
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00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:38,441
IS THIS ARM ACTS LIKE
SOME TYPE OF ANTENNA--
85
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:44,055
AND I AM PICKING UP A SIGNAL
FROM WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.
86
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,537
BECAUSE FRANKLY,
YOU'RE LUCKY
87
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:50,105
I'M EVEN FACING
THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
88
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,938
AW, MAN, I HATE
WHEN IT MAKES ME SAY THAT.
89
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:05,294
LOOK, I'M AWARE
THAT I LOOK HOMELESS.
90
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:13,607
I JUST LOOK DIRTY.
I KNOW.
91
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:16,566
I TOOK TWO SHOWERS TODAY,
92
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:19,917
AND I STILL FUCKING
LOOK LIKE THIS!
93
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,794
WHO WANTS TO GIVE ME A BATH?
94
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,884
[several women whooping]
95
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:34,062
OH, THAT'S QUITE A FEW TAKERS.
ALL RIGHT.
96
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:38,196
IT'LL TAKE ALL OF YOU,
I GUARANTEE THAT.
97
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,763
IT'S WEIRD WHEN
YOU LOOK LIKE THIS.
98
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,461
LIKE, PEOPLE COME UP TO ME
ON THE STREET, LIKE,
99
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:44,246
"MAN, LOOKS LIKE
YOU NEED SOME SOUP."
100
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,125
LIKE THEY THINK BEEF AND BARLEY
IS GOING TO FIX THIS?
101
00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:58,521
[laughter]
102
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:06,007
HEY, DO YOU GUYS
HAVE ANY CHANGE?
103
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,186
I'M FOR REAL, THOUGH.
104
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:16,408
JUST PASS THAT SHIT FORWARD.
105
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:19,455
DON'T THROW IT.
106
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:23,285
WELL, UNLESS THAT'S THE ONLY WAY
YOU CAN GET IT UP HERE.
107
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:27,332
GO AHEAD.
108
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:30,510
I DON'T GO ON UNTIL I GET
SOME FUCKING CHANGE, HUH?
109
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,252
[applause]
[laughter]
110
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,430
OH.
111
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:42,913
OH, YOU COULD HAVE
HANDED IT TO ME.
112
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:45,916
I SAID CHANGE, ASSHOLE!
113
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,534
THIS'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.
114
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,057
TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES.
115
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:08,156
HEY, YOU'RE GETTING
FUCKING CLOSE HERE.
116
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,682
OH, THANK YOU.
117
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,032
YOU KNOW, THESE ARE
MUCH EASIER TO PICK UP.
118
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,870
YOU GUYS JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF
ANOTHER FOUR MINUTES.
119
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:32,397
[applause]
120
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:34,704
OKAY,
SO CAN I TELL YOU GUYS
121
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,664
ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT
PERSON IN MY LIFE?
122
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,625
AND DON'T WORRY.
IT'S NOT JESUS.
123
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,848
YOU GET THAT ON THE STREET EVER,
SOMEBODY GOING LIKE,
124
00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,850
"CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON
125
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,853
IN MY LIFE?"
LIKE, UH-UH.
126
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,900
I DON'T HAVE
THAT KIND OF TIME.
127
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:01,644
YEAH, I THINK
I HEAR THE LORD'S WORK
128
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,472
CALLING YOU OVER THERE."
129
00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:10,261
WOW, SOME OF YOU GUYS
NEED TO LOOSEN A NOTCH
130
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:11,959
IN YOUR BIBLE BELTS.
131
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:19,009
NO, THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON
IN MY LIFE IS MY WIFE.
132
00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:24,232
[cheers and applause]
133
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,541
SHE TOLD ME TO SAY THAT.
134
00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:37,811
I'M JUST TRYING NOT TO CATCH
AN ASS WHIPPING AT HOME.
135
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:40,335
THAT'S ALL A BROTHER CAN DO.
136
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:54,828
I GOT TO TELL YOU,
MY WIFE IS AMAZING.
137
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,264
SHE'S HERE TONIGHT.
138
00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,440
HOW ABOUT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE
FOR HER, HUH?
139
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,007
[cheers and applause]
140
00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:10,365
SHE'S PROBABLY
HIDING BY NOW, I BET.
141
00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:12,019
SHE'S AWESOME, MAN.
142
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:18,503
SHE'S ACTUALLY JAPANESE,
AND I GOT TO TELL YOU THIS.
143
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:23,160
I THINK IT'S PROBABLY
A GOOD THING FOR BOTH OF US
144
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:26,120
THAT SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
EVERYTHING THAT I SAY.
145
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:31,168
RIGHT, HONEY?
146
00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:36,260
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN
HANGING OUT WITH ME
147
00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:39,481
FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES NOW.
148
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:43,180
BUT I'M LIKE THIS
ALL THE TIME.
149
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:47,184
I CAN SEE WHERE
THAT WOULD GET ANNOYING.
150
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:50,100
LIKE, "HEY, HONEY, WOOOOO!"
151
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,932
SHE'S LIKE, "FUCK OFF, JOSH!"
152
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,111
"YOU'RE LEARNING GOOD ENGLISH,
HONEY.
153
00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:02,330
GOOD JOB."
154
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:12,688
SHE'S AWESOME, MAN.
IT'S WEIRD, THOUGH.
155
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,342
WHEN YOU MARRY
SOMEONE FROM ASIA,
156
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:15,735
PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK YOU THIS.
157
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:18,085
"OH, YOU GOT AN ASIAN WIFE,
HUH, JOSH?
158
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,740
WHAT, DO YOU GOT
AN ASIAN FETISH?"
159
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:27,747
I'M LIKE,
"WELL, I GUESS SO.
160
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:30,880
BUT WHAT KIND OF WEIRD FETISH
DOES SHE HAVE?"
161
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:33,709
[laughter]
162
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:44,328
SHIT.
163
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,293
I'LL TELL YOU,
164
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:55,600
SOMETIMES WE GET IN ARGUMENTS.
YOU KNOW, EVERY COUPLE DOES.
165
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:57,994
ANYWAYS, SOMETIMES WE ARGUE
AND IT'S LIKE--
166
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,387
SHE'S LIKE,
"YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.
167
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,476
YOU DON'T EVEN
CARE ABOUT ME."
168
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:05,262
I'M LIKE, "WELL, HONEY, IT'S NOT
THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU.
169
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:07,917
IT'S JUST I DON'T CARE ABOUT
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."
170
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:16,534
HEY, LOOK,
SORRY, HONEY.
171
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:21,148
I FOLDED THE TOWELS WRONG AGAIN.
OKAY.
172
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:23,367
I'M NOT A FOLDER.
173
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:29,243
YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY PISSED
WHEN YOU SEE THE SHEETS.
174
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,901
HERE'S HOW I FOLD, LIKE--
175
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,687
DONE.
I'M DONE.
176
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,474
BY THE WAY, I'M PRETTY SURE
FOUR MINUTES IS UP.
177
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:50,481
[laughter]
178
00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:53,354
[applause]
179
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:01,014
MOVE TO THE-- OH!
180
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:04,321
SIR, I CAN'T FUCKING
SEE THEM COMING!
181
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:10,980
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE
ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW
182
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:12,373
HOW I MET MY WIFE.
183
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:15,071
IT'S ACTUALLY
PRETTY FUNNY...
184
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:18,292
NOW.
185
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:21,382
I ACTUALLY, UH,
I ACTUALLY MET HER ONLINE.
186
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,778
I SAID THAT WRONG, SORRY.
187
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,869
I GOT HER ONLINE.
188
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:36,571
AND LOOK,
BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME--
189
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:39,704
BECAUSE LOOK, I CAN FEEL YOU
JUDGING ME OUT THERE--
190
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,271
I THINK YOU GUYS
SHOULD KNOW
191
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:46,015
THAT I THOUGHT THAT I WAS
BIDDING ON AN ORIENTAL RUG.
192
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:53,980
STUPID EBAY.
193
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:59,333
SURE ENOUGH,
18 SHIPPING DAYS LATER...
194
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:06,731
WELL, THAT'S A WEIRD BOX
FOR A RUG...
195
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:14,652
WITH LIKE, BREATHE HOLES
AND FAINT MUMBLING INSIDE.
196
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:19,875
SHE WAS READY
TO COME OUT, MAN.
197
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,399
I WAS LIKE,
"OH, YOU MUST BE THE RUG MAKER.
198
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:27,535
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU BUILT THEM IN-HOME."
199
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:34,020
ANYWAY, SHE JUST
LOOKED AT ME REAL CRAZY--
200
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:36,892
YOU KNOW,
BECAUSE YOU WOULD.
201
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:40,548
YOU'VE BEEN IN A BOX
FOR 18 DAYS.
202
00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:43,725
I'M WHAT OPENS IT?
COME ON.
203
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,250
SO SHE JUST LOOKED AT ME
UP AND DOWN,
204
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:48,948
THEN SHE LIKE
LOOKS AROUND REAL FAST,
205
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:50,732
AND SHE LOOKS AT ME AGAIN
AND SHE GOES,
206
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:54,127
"YOU TAKE SHOES OFF.
THIS IS ASIAN HOUSE NOW."
207
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:57,043
[cheers and applause]
208
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:06,966
I WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE ONLY
HALFWAY OUT THE FUCKING BOX."
209
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,406
I WAS LIKE,
"LOOK, I KNOW WE JUST MET,
210
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:14,103
"BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW LONG IT TOOK ME
211
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,323
TO PUT THESE ON TODAY."
212
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,978
[laughter]
213
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:31,294
"WE ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO COMPROMISE HERE."
214
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:32,774
THAT'S WHAT WE DID,
215
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,732
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT
MARRIAGE IS ABOUT, RIGHT?
216
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,082
COMPROMISING.
217
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:38,649
I'LL TELL YOU
HOW COMPROMISE WORKS.
218
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:41,261
HERE'S HOW WE DID IT
WITH THE SHOES.
219
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:45,830
SO NOW I TAKE MY SHOES OFF
IN THE HOUSE.
220
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,397
AND THAT'S IT.
221
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:53,621
[laughter]
222
00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:58,321
IT'S JUST FUCKING EASIER
THAT WAY.
223
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,508
SHE IS AWESOME, THOUGH.
224
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:14,772
BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS,
I DID KEEP THE BOX.
225
00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:17,471
[laughter]
226
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,042
ACTUALLY, I HAVE SOME REALLY
EXCITING NEWS FOR YOU GUYS.
227
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:26,610
WE JUST HAD OUR SECOND CHILD
NOT TOO LONG AGO.
228
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:32,486
[applause]
229
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:36,664
THANK YOU.
230
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,927
YEAH, WE JUST HAD
A LITTLE BABY GIRL, MAN.
231
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,799
I THINK
WE'RE GOING TO KEEP HER.
232
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,368
SHE'S SO CUTE.
233
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:46,543
SHE'S FIVE MONTHS OLD,
234
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:49,285
AND SHE IS JUST
A LITTLE FAT ASS.
235
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,986
SHE LOOKS LIKE A HAM.
236
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,424
AND WHO DOESN'T
LOVE HAM, RIGHT?
237
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:03,821
OH, YEAH.
JEWS AND MUSLIMS.
238
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:09,871
WHICH BY THE WAY,
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
239
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:11,916
THAT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD,
RIGHT?
240
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:14,919
LIKE TWO RELIGIONS
THAT HATE EACH OTHER SO MUCH,
241
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:18,836
YET, THEY BOTH HATE HAM.
242
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:20,229
I'M LIKE,
"COME ON, GUYS.
243
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,406
LET'S COME TOGETHER
ON YOUR HATRED FOR HAM."
244
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,673
IT'S A BUILDING BLOCK.
245
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:33,982
FOOD FOR THOUGHT.
246
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:37,855
SO LOOK,
I GOT TO TELL YOU,
247
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:41,163
IN ADDITION TO OUR
PRETTY LITTLE HAM BABY--
248
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,083
WE ALSO HAVE
A THREE-YEAR-OLD BOY.
249
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,045
NAH, NAH.
250
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,138
YOU GOT SOME ROOM
FOR HIM, PEOPLE?
251
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:03,272
ANYBODY WANT HIM?
252
00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:08,582
HE'S IN THE CAR.
253
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:13,978
IT'S NOT BECAUSE I WANTED
TO LEAVE HIM THERE EITHER.
254
00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:16,503
HE JUST WOULDN'T
FUCKING GET OUT.
255
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:27,209
DON'T WORRY, HE'S FINE.
256
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,864
THE DOG'S WATCHING HIM.
257
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:35,217
I GOT TO TELL YOU,
WHEN I FIRST HAD THAT KID,
258
00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:36,610
YOU KNOW,
THEY GAVE HIM TO ME,
259
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,699
AND IT'S LIKE
MY FIRSTBORN SON, YOU KNOW,
260
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:41,528
AND I'M SO NERVOUS
THAT I WAS GOING TO LIKE,
261
00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,747
ACCIDENTALLY SHAKE HIM.
262
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,802
BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS,
NOW THAT HE'S THREE,
263
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:58,458
I'M WORRIED THAT I'M
GOING TO DO IT ON PURPOSE.
264
00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:00,764
[applause]
265
00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:06,988
BECAUSE LIKE,
I GOT TO TELL YOU, MAN,
266
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:10,339
HE'S REALLY FUNNY,
AND HE'S SMART AND HE'S CUTE,
267
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:14,517
BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS,
HE IS ALSO A DICK.
268
00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:20,741
AND HE KNOWS IT, TOO.
269
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,830
LIKE HE HAS THIS LITTLE SMILE
HE DOES, LIKE,
270
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,311
"I KNOW I'M BEING A DICK,"
SMILE.
271
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:29,532
AND IT JUST BOTHERS ME
ESPECIALLY,
272
00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,795
BECAUSE I'M SURE
I GET THAT SAME SMILE
273
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,929
WHEN I'M BEING DICKISH.
274
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:36,322
LIKE,
I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE
275
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:38,324
OF WHAT HE DOES TO ME
ALL THE TIME.
276
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,848
HE DOESN'T CALL ME DAD
OR DADDY.
277
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:43,024
LIKE, HE KNOWS
THOSE WORDS.
278
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:47,376
BUT HE CHOOSES TO CALL ME
"JOSH BLUE".
279
00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:53,382
ALL THE TIME.
280
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:56,777
AND HE DOES IT
WITH THAT LITTLE SMILE,
281
00:20:56,907 --> 00:21:00,520
YOU KNOW, LIKE,
"I KNOW THIS BOTHERS YOU...
282
00:21:00,650 --> 00:21:02,173
JOSH BLUE."
283
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:07,048
AND LIKE, I GUESS I GET
WHY HE DOES IT, YOU KNOW.
284
00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:09,006
LIKE PEOPLE ON THE STREET
COME UP LIKE,
285
00:21:09,137 --> 00:21:10,399
"HEY, JOSH BLUE!"
YOU KNOW?
286
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:14,098
NOBODY EVER COMES UP AND SAYS,
"HEY, DADDY!"
287
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,844
AT LEAST
HE SHOULDN'T HEAR THAT.
288
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:30,332
YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT
BABY-PROOFING YOUR HOME?
289
00:21:30,463 --> 00:21:34,293
WE WERE UNAWARE
OF THAT TOO.
290
00:21:34,423 --> 00:21:37,165
YOU KNOW ABOUT LIKE
PUTTING GATES ON THE STAIRS.
291
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,736
YOU KNOW HOW YOU PUT
A GATE AT THE BOTTOM?
292
00:21:42,866 --> 00:21:46,000
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU
ALSO NEED ONE AT THE TOP?
293
00:21:50,091 --> 00:21:52,528
JUST SOMETHING
I PICKED UP ALONG THE WAY.
294
00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:57,098
JUST KICKING DOWN
SOME KNOWLEDGE.
295
00:21:59,796 --> 00:22:01,450
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T
HAVE ONE AT THE TOP,
296
00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:04,323
THE ONE AT THE BOTTOM
JUST ACTS LIKE A STRAINER.
297
00:22:15,508 --> 00:22:17,118
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY COOL,
THOUGH,
298
00:22:17,248 --> 00:22:18,467
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GATE
AT THE BOTTOM
299
00:22:18,598 --> 00:22:20,077
AND A GATE AT THE TOP.
300
00:22:20,208 --> 00:22:22,993
WE JUST KEEP HIM
ON THE STAIRS.
301
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:30,871
YOU KNOW, I GOT
TO TELL YOU THIS.
302
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:36,093
PEOPLE ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW
IF MY SON HAS CEREBRAL PALSY.
303
00:22:36,224 --> 00:22:39,532
I GUESS THAT'S
A FAIR QUESTION...
304
00:22:39,662 --> 00:22:41,795
IF YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT.
305
00:22:46,495 --> 00:22:48,149
NOT CONTAGIOUS.
306
00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:54,068
I'M SURE I'M PUTTING
A LOT OF YOU AT EASE RIGHT NOW.
307
00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:00,291
ANYWAY,
WHAT I GOT TO TELL YOU
308
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:06,210
IS HE DOESN'T HAVE
CEREBRAL PALSY, BUT...
309
00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:10,040
[singsong]
MONKEY SEE.
310
00:23:18,135 --> 00:23:19,572
THAT'S RIGHT.
311
00:23:19,702 --> 00:23:23,271
HE FOLLOWS ME AROUND
MOCKING THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
312
00:23:38,112 --> 00:23:40,201
JOSH BLUE.
313
00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:49,558
JUST DON'T DO THAT
IN PUBLIC, OKAY?
314
00:23:49,689 --> 00:23:50,820
YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF
CAUGHT UP
315
00:23:50,951 --> 00:23:52,779
IN SOME SPECIAL ED CLASSES.
316
00:23:58,132 --> 00:24:02,353
JUST LIKE YOUR OLD MAN, HUH?
317
00:24:02,484 --> 00:24:05,618
BUT I HAVE BEEN
ENCOURAGING HIM TO DO THAT,
318
00:24:05,748 --> 00:24:09,839
WALK AROUND LIKE THAT,
BECAUSE HIS MOM'S JAPANESE
319
00:24:09,970 --> 00:24:12,494
AND I'M A WHITE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
320
00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:14,235
IF HE HAS PALSY TOO,
321
00:24:14,365 --> 00:24:17,064
I CAN STOP SAVING
FOR COLLEGE, FOR SURE.
322
00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:26,421
SHIT.
323
00:24:28,031 --> 00:24:30,251
I LIKE BEING A DAD, THOUGH.
IT'S FUN.
324
00:24:30,381 --> 00:24:32,906
I LIKE IT BECAUSE
IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MAN,
325
00:24:33,036 --> 00:24:35,343
LIKE A MANLY MAN,
YOU KNOW?
326
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:38,607
LIKE I'M WALKING AROUND
WITH MY PROOF OF NOT-A-VIRGIN.
327
00:24:38,738 --> 00:24:40,653
[laughter]
328
00:24:45,396 --> 00:24:47,616
YEAH, LOOK WHAT I DID, HUH?
329
00:24:49,662 --> 00:24:52,708
I'M TWO-FOR-TWO, BABY, WHAT?
330
00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:03,284
NO, BUT WHAT I'VE FOUND
331
00:25:03,414 --> 00:25:06,069
IS IF I EVER TAKE MY KIDS
OUT BY MYSELF,
332
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,331
LIKE FOR A WALK,
333
00:25:07,462 --> 00:25:09,725
WE GOT ONE OF THOSE
DOUBLE STROLLERS.
334
00:25:09,856 --> 00:25:11,945
SO WE PUT THEM IN THERE,
YOU KNOW,
335
00:25:12,075 --> 00:25:14,208
AND IF I'M EVER WALKING THEM
AROUND BY MYSELF,
336
00:25:14,338 --> 00:25:21,041
IT'S ALWAYS GUARANTEED
THAT IF SOMEBODY WALKS PAST US,
337
00:25:21,171 --> 00:25:25,567
THEY ALWAYS LOOK
INTO THE STROLLER
338
00:25:25,698 --> 00:25:31,399
LIKE THEY'RE EXPECTING TO SEE
A BUCKET OF DOOR KNOBS.
339
00:25:40,495 --> 00:25:42,453
I GOT TO TELL YOU THOUGH,
THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES
340
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,630
WHEN THEY SEE
LITTLE ASIAN BABIES, LIKE--
341
00:25:50,287 --> 00:25:53,552
"OH, MY GOD, THAT HOMELESS GUY
GOT SOME BABIES!
342
00:25:59,296 --> 00:26:00,907
WAS THAT A HAM?"
343
00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:09,393
AND MY SON'S LIKE,
"JOSH BLUE!"
344
00:26:21,449 --> 00:26:25,192
WE'D MAKE A LOT OF CHANGE
ON THAT WALK--
345
00:26:25,322 --> 00:26:27,368
ALL THE SOUP
WE CAN HANDLE.
346
00:26:34,157 --> 00:26:35,419
OH, MAN.
347
00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:38,205
SO I TOOK MY SON TO THE 7-ELEVEN
348
00:26:38,335 --> 00:26:41,643
TO GET HIM A POPSICLE...
349
00:26:41,774 --> 00:26:44,733
AND I GOT ONE TOO,
350
00:26:44,864 --> 00:26:48,258
BECAUSE
THEY'RE FUCKING DELICIOUS.
351
00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:51,087
AND WE HAD EXTRA CHANGE
FROM THE WALK OVER.
352
00:27:00,227 --> 00:27:02,533
ANYWAY, WHEN I CAME OUT
OF THE 7-ELEVEN,
353
00:27:02,664 --> 00:27:07,451
THERE WAS THIS
LIKE GANGSTER.
354
00:27:07,582 --> 00:27:12,587
YEAH, AND I'M TALKING
A THUG, NOT A MAFIA.
355
00:27:19,681 --> 00:27:21,378
ANYWAY, THIS DUDE WAS JUST LIKE
356
00:27:21,509 --> 00:27:23,467
LEANING UP AGAINST
THE 7-ELEVEN,
357
00:27:23,598 --> 00:27:24,817
JUST LOOKING PRETTY MEAN.
358
00:27:24,947 --> 00:27:26,122
HE LOOKED LIKE SOMEONE
359
00:27:26,253 --> 00:27:30,997
THAT YOU WOULDN'T
REALLY WANT TO TALK TO.
360
00:27:31,127 --> 00:27:34,653
SO THAT'S WHAT I DID.
361
00:27:34,783 --> 00:27:39,005
I WALKED RIGHT UP TO HIM AND GO,
"COULD YOU OPEN MY POPSICLE?"
362
00:27:48,623 --> 00:27:51,408
IT TOOK HIM RIGHT OUT
OF HIS COMFORT ZONE.
363
00:27:58,546 --> 00:28:01,592
HE DID IT, THOUGH.
HE DID IT.
364
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:04,334
AND I CAN ASSURE YOU
IT'S HARD TO LOOK HARD
365
00:28:04,465 --> 00:28:06,815
WHEN YOU'RE
OPENING A POPSICLE.
366
00:28:14,170 --> 00:28:18,566
THAT'S RIGHT, PALSY,
BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS--
367
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:23,049
[cheers and applause]
368
00:28:23,179 --> 00:28:25,791
AND PUTTING UP NEW ONES.
369
00:28:27,836 --> 00:28:30,186
I KNOW, I JUST FEEL LUCKY,
YOU KNOW?
370
00:28:30,317 --> 00:28:33,799
THE WORLD GAVE ME LEMONADE,
AND I DRANK THAT SHIT, SO--
371
00:28:36,323 --> 00:28:38,629
WELL, OFF THE TABLE,
BECAUSE I SPILLED IT.
372
00:28:42,677 --> 00:28:46,986
YOU GUYS EVER HEARD THAT SAYING,
"LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE"?
373
00:28:47,116 --> 00:28:49,075
THAT'S SOME BULLSHIT, HUH?
374
00:28:50,816 --> 00:28:53,601
I MEAN, SHOULDN'T I BE BETTER
BY NOW?
375
00:29:04,046 --> 00:29:05,918
YEAH, LAUGH AND CLAP
ALL YOU WANT.
376
00:29:06,048 --> 00:29:08,137
YOU AIN'T DOING SHIT.
377
00:29:11,445 --> 00:29:12,794
CHECK THIS OUT.
378
00:29:12,925 --> 00:29:16,015
MY WIFE JUST RECENTLY
WENT BACK TO JAPAN.
379
00:29:16,145 --> 00:29:19,409
WHEN SHE WAS THERE,
SHE GOT TO GO TO CHINA.
380
00:29:19,540 --> 00:29:21,716
NO, THAT IS FUNNY, HUH?
381
00:29:24,501 --> 00:29:26,895
WAIT UNTIL I GET
TO THE PART, PLEASE.
382
00:29:28,679 --> 00:29:31,334
ANYWAY, WHEN SHE CAME BACK
FROM CHINA,
383
00:29:31,465 --> 00:29:33,859
SHE BROUGHT ME A GIFT
FROM OVER THERE.
384
00:29:33,989 --> 00:29:37,166
AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL, HONEY,
THAT WAS REALLY SWEET OF YOU.
385
00:29:37,297 --> 00:29:38,602
BUT I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,
386
00:29:38,733 --> 00:29:41,780
I ALREADY HAVE A LOT OF SHIT
FROM CHINA."
387
00:29:52,399 --> 00:29:57,230
I WAS LIKE, "EVERYTHING
WE OWN IS FROM CHINA,
388
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:02,104
EVEN THAT SHIT YOU BROUGHT BACK
FROM JAPAN IS FROM CHINA."
389
00:30:02,235 --> 00:30:03,758
LIKE, "NEXT TIME,
WHY DON'T YOU BRING ME
390
00:30:03,889 --> 00:30:05,629
SOMETHING FROM DETROIT?"
391
00:30:10,721 --> 00:30:13,333
THAT'D BE A LITTLE MORE NOVEL,
YOU KNOW.
392
00:30:15,030 --> 00:30:17,772
I GOT TO GO TO JAPAN
THREE TIMES NOW.
393
00:30:17,903 --> 00:30:19,774
I ACTUALLY GOT MARRIED
OVER THERE.
394
00:30:19,905 --> 00:30:20,862
YEAH.
395
00:30:25,475 --> 00:30:28,914
I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU WOULD CLAP FOR THAT, BUT...
396
00:30:29,044 --> 00:30:32,221
WE GOT MARRIED
ON DECEMBER 7TH.
397
00:30:32,352 --> 00:30:34,441
[laughter]
398
00:30:40,142 --> 00:30:45,147
WHICH, FOR YOU NON-HISTORIANS,
IS PEARL HARBOR DAY.
399
00:30:45,278 --> 00:30:47,933
AND I SWEAR,
I DID NOT COME UP WITH THAT.
400
00:30:48,063 --> 00:30:51,327
IT WAS MY WIFE'S PLAN,
AND SHE WAS PLANNING IT,
401
00:30:51,458 --> 00:30:53,286
AND SHE CAME TO ME
AND WAS LIKE,
402
00:30:53,416 --> 00:30:54,896
"IS THIS DATE
OKAY WITH YOU?"
403
00:30:55,027 --> 00:30:58,682
AND I WAS LIKE--
[snickers]
404
00:30:58,813 --> 00:30:59,945
"PERFECT, HONEY.
405
00:31:00,075 --> 00:31:02,077
THIS WAY,
I'LL NEVER FORGET."
406
00:31:06,038 --> 00:31:07,561
I TRAVEL A LOT, YOU KNOW?
407
00:31:07,691 --> 00:31:10,042
SO I LIKE TO COME HOME
TO A HOME-COOKED MEAL, RIGHT?
408
00:31:11,957 --> 00:31:15,830
IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT
WHEN YOU MARRY SOMEONE
409
00:31:15,961 --> 00:31:19,486
FROM THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE PLANET,
410
00:31:19,616 --> 00:31:21,836
BECAUSE HOME-COOKED
IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
411
00:31:24,317 --> 00:31:27,146
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,
LIKE 98% OF THE THINGS
412
00:31:27,276 --> 00:31:30,453
YOU MAKE, HONEY,
ARE SPECTACULAR.
413
00:31:30,584 --> 00:31:33,892
BUT I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, BABE,
MINNOW NIGHT HAS TO GO.
414
00:31:39,767 --> 00:31:41,290
LIKE WHERE DO YOU EVEN
GET THAT SHIT?
415
00:31:41,421 --> 00:31:45,599
LIKE, ARE YOU SHOPPING
AT THE BAIT STORE?
416
00:31:50,212 --> 00:31:54,913
THE BEST IS WHEN I TAKE HER
TO LIKE A TROPICAL FISH STORE.
417
00:31:55,043 --> 00:31:56,958
SHE WALKS AROUND LIKE, "OOH,
HONEY, LET'S GET THAT ONE."
418
00:31:57,089 --> 00:31:58,568
I'M LIKE, "WHY?
419
00:31:58,699 --> 00:32:00,222
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO EAT IT
IN THE CAR.
420
00:32:08,187 --> 00:32:11,494
"I SAW YOU PUT THE SOY SAUCE
IN YOUR PURSE."
421
00:32:20,242 --> 00:32:21,243
SHE LOVES IT.
422
00:32:21,374 --> 00:32:23,506
I WAS LIKE,
"THAT WAS A $80 EEL."
423
00:32:26,596 --> 00:32:28,598
SOMETIMES WHEN I GO AWAY
FOR A LONG TRIP OR SOMETHING,
424
00:32:28,729 --> 00:32:30,078
BEFORE I GO HOME,
425
00:32:30,209 --> 00:32:32,515
I'LL STOP
BY THE FISH TANK STORE,
426
00:32:32,646 --> 00:32:36,389
JUST TO PICK HER UP
A TREAT, YOU KNOW.
427
00:32:36,519 --> 00:32:38,086
DADDY'S HOME.
428
00:32:41,698 --> 00:32:44,875
SHE JUST LIGHTS UP.
429
00:32:45,006 --> 00:32:47,617
SHE LOVES THEM.
430
00:32:47,748 --> 00:32:50,707
I KNOW WHAT MY WOMAN WANTS,
ALL RIGHT?
431
00:32:50,838 --> 00:32:55,886
AND I GIVE IT TO HER IN THE FORM
OF LIVE TROPICAL FISH.
432
00:32:58,150 --> 00:33:01,805
ANYWAY, YOU GUYS ARE ALL INVITED
TO MINNOW TUESDAY AT OUR PLACE.
433
00:33:01,936 --> 00:33:04,199
[cheers and applause]
434
00:33:07,898 --> 00:33:09,335
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU
WHY I DO THIS,
435
00:33:09,465 --> 00:33:11,685
WELL, BESIDES THE ARM
MAKES ME DO IT, BUT--
436
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,733
THE REASON WHY I DO THIS
437
00:33:16,864 --> 00:33:22,783
IS BECAUSE
I AM A RANDOM SHIT MAGNET.
438
00:33:26,178 --> 00:33:29,442
LIKE THE MOST RANDOM
GOD DAMNED THINGS HAPPEN TO ME.
439
00:33:29,572 --> 00:33:32,053
SO TODAY I WENT
TO THE STARBUCKS.
440
00:33:32,184 --> 00:33:33,489
WHEN I GOT TO THE COUNTER,
441
00:33:33,620 --> 00:33:35,839
THE WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER
TOOK ONE LOOK AT ME,
442
00:33:35,970 --> 00:33:39,452
AND THEN SHE GRABBED
BOTH OF HER TIP JARS--
443
00:33:46,894 --> 00:33:48,809
I WAS LIKE,
"YOU RACIST!"
444
00:33:57,339 --> 00:33:59,080
IN THIS DAY AND AGE.
445
00:34:01,387 --> 00:34:02,953
I WAS LIKE,
"ALL RIGHT. I'LL SHOW HER."
446
00:34:03,084 --> 00:34:06,131
SO I PAID WITH LIKE
A $100 BILL.
447
00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:08,655
THEN SHE GAVE ME
MY CHANGE BACK.
448
00:34:08,785 --> 00:34:10,700
I WAS LIKE, "AW,
I WANT TO GIVE YOU A BIG TIP,
449
00:34:10,831 --> 00:34:14,356
BUT...THERE'S NO TIP JARS."
450
00:34:25,411 --> 00:34:27,891
I GOT TO TELL YOU WHAT ELSE
HAPPENED TO ME TODAY.
451
00:34:28,022 --> 00:34:30,459
SO I WENT TO
THE MALL OF AMERICA.
452
00:34:30,590 --> 00:34:32,418
[whooping]
453
00:34:32,548 --> 00:34:34,985
SO YOU'VE HEARD OF IT.
454
00:34:37,988 --> 00:34:39,512
ANYWAY, I WAS THERE,
455
00:34:39,642 --> 00:34:44,343
AND THERE JUST HAPPENED TO BE
ANOTHER GUY WITH CEREBRAL PALSY
456
00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:47,389
WALKING AROUND
IN THE MALL.
457
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:49,478
AND LIKE NORMALLY
THERE SHOULD BE NOTHING WRONG
458
00:34:49,609 --> 00:34:52,829
WITH THAT SCENARIO,
459
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,355
BUT APPARENTLY NOT
IN THE MALL OF AMERICA.
460
00:34:56,485 --> 00:34:59,532
BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENED WAS
ME AND THIS GUY
461
00:34:59,662 --> 00:35:04,145
WERE HEADING IN
THE SAME DIRECTION...
462
00:35:04,276 --> 00:35:08,541
AT ABOUT THE SAME SPEED...
463
00:35:08,671 --> 00:35:12,153
BUT HE WAS LIKE 30 PACES
IN FRONT OF ME, RIGHT?
464
00:35:12,284 --> 00:35:15,069
BUT WE WALKED LIKE THIS
PAST A BUNCH OF STORES
465
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,724
AND RESTAURANTS.
466
00:35:17,854 --> 00:35:19,943
AND THEN PEOPLE STARTED
RUNNING UP TO ME AND GOING,
467
00:35:20,074 --> 00:35:22,685
"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE
FOR MAKING FUN OF THAT GUY!"
468
00:35:35,698 --> 00:35:38,136
I'M JUST TRYING
TO GET A CHIMICHANGA!
469
00:35:41,443 --> 00:35:43,141
THE FUNNY PART, TOO,
IS I REMEMBER I SAW THE DUDE
470
00:35:43,271 --> 00:35:44,881
WALKING IN FRONT OF ME,
AND I WAS LIKE,
471
00:35:45,012 --> 00:35:47,319
"IS THAT GUY
MAKING FUN OF ME?
472
00:35:51,975 --> 00:35:55,588
I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS...
473
00:35:55,718 --> 00:35:57,677
IF I COULD EVER CATCH UP
TO HIM.
474
00:36:00,506 --> 00:36:02,160
HE'S ON HIS HOP-ALONG."
475
00:36:07,687 --> 00:36:09,558
I FOLLOWED HIM.
476
00:36:12,039 --> 00:36:14,694
I'VE GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO,
RIGHT?
477
00:36:14,824 --> 00:36:17,218
I SAW HE WENT INTO A STORE,
SO WHAT I DID IS
478
00:36:17,349 --> 00:36:20,961
I JUST WAITED
OUTSIDE FOR HIM.
479
00:36:21,091 --> 00:36:23,616
THAT WAY, ON THE WAY BACK,
I GOT TO BE IN FRONT.
480
00:36:23,746 --> 00:36:29,839
[laughter]
481
00:36:29,970 --> 00:36:33,452
YEAH, LET HIM DEAL
WITH THAT SHIT FOR A WHILE.
482
00:36:33,582 --> 00:36:37,020
PAYBACK'S A BITCH.
483
00:36:37,151 --> 00:36:38,326
I WAS EVEN
EGGING PEOPLE ON LIKE,
484
00:36:38,457 --> 00:36:40,633
"HEY, THAT GUY'S
MAKING FUN OF ME."
485
00:36:51,034 --> 00:36:52,601
I WANT TO TELL YOU,
486
00:36:52,732 --> 00:36:54,864
THERE'S SOMETHING
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
487
00:36:54,995 --> 00:36:58,564
ABOUT OLD PRESIDENT OBAMA.
488
00:36:58,694 --> 00:37:03,482
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP SAYING
HOW INSPIRATIONAL IT IS
489
00:37:03,612 --> 00:37:05,919
THAT HE BECAME OUR PRESIDENT.
490
00:37:07,616 --> 00:37:14,232
AND OKAY, YES,
AS AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN,
491
00:37:14,362 --> 00:37:17,147
WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY.
492
00:37:21,108 --> 00:37:23,153
THE PART I DON'T UNDERSTAND
IS PEOPLE GO,
493
00:37:23,284 --> 00:37:26,200
"HEY, NOW THAT OBAMA
BECAME THE PRESIDENT,
494
00:37:26,331 --> 00:37:29,986
"IT PROVES THAT IT'S NOW
POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE
495
00:37:30,117 --> 00:37:34,164
TO NOW BECOME
OUR PRESIDENT."
496
00:37:34,295 --> 00:37:37,037
I'M LIKE,
"WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS,
497
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,734
"BECAUSE I WAS ALREADY
CONVINCED OF THAT
498
00:37:38,865 --> 00:37:40,736
WITH THE LAST PRESIDENT."
499
00:37:52,182 --> 00:37:54,968
WE COULD HAVE ELECTED
A RHINOCEROS--
500
00:37:57,362 --> 00:37:59,015
A BLACK ONE EVEN--
501
00:38:01,975 --> 00:38:04,151
AND THEY ARE VERY RARE.
502
00:38:08,764 --> 00:38:10,766
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU ALL,
503
00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:13,595
A LOT OF TIMES, WHEN YOU HAVE
A PHYSICAL DISABILITY,
504
00:38:13,726 --> 00:38:15,641
A LOT OF TIMES,
PEOPLE WILL ALSO ASSUME
505
00:38:15,771 --> 00:38:19,427
THAT YOU'RE MENTALLY DISABLED,
506
00:38:19,558 --> 00:38:22,256
BUT I THINK
THAT I COULD PROBABLY SPEAK
507
00:38:22,387 --> 00:38:26,739
FOR EVERY PHYSICALLY DISABLED
PERSON OUT THERE.
508
00:38:26,869 --> 00:38:29,698
WELL, THAT'S REALLY ANNOYING.
509
00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:31,831
[applause]
510
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,925
YEAH, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE
A LOT OF FUCKING FUN.
511
00:38:41,623 --> 00:38:43,843
BECAUSE I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,
HERE'S HOW I LOOK AT IT, RIGHT?
512
00:38:43,973 --> 00:38:45,540
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE
ALLOWED TO ASSUME
513
00:38:45,671 --> 00:38:48,238
BECAUSE OF THE WAY I WALK
OR THE WAY I MOVE
514
00:38:48,369 --> 00:38:51,981
THAT I'M ALSO
MENTALLY DISABLED,
515
00:38:52,112 --> 00:38:56,769
THEN I SHOULD BE ALLOWED
TO ACT RETARDED.
516
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:03,950
YEAH, LET ME TELL YOU,
I'M A JOY AT THE AIRPORT.
517
00:39:10,173 --> 00:39:14,482
I WILL SCARE THE LIVING SHIT
OUT OF A TSA WORKER...
518
00:39:16,179 --> 00:39:18,486
AND THEY FUCKING
DESERVE IT.
519
00:39:18,617 --> 00:39:20,749
[applause]
520
00:39:24,362 --> 00:39:26,886
TAKE MY LOTION,
MOTHERFUCKER!
521
00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:32,718
NOW I'M GOING
TO GET ALL ASHY.
522
00:39:47,559 --> 00:39:50,431
I'LL LET YOU ALL CRACKERS
MARINATE ON THAT FOR A MINUTE.
523
00:39:50,562 --> 00:39:54,174
[laughter]
[applause]
524
00:39:57,743 --> 00:39:59,179
YOU KNOW HOW
AT THE SECURITY CHECKPOINT
525
00:39:59,309 --> 00:40:02,051
THERE'S THREE DIFFERENT LINES
THAT GO UP THERE?
526
00:40:02,182 --> 00:40:03,662
THERE'S A COACH LINE,
527
00:40:03,792 --> 00:40:06,316
AND THEN NEXT TO THAT
IS THE FIRST CLASS LINE,
528
00:40:06,447 --> 00:40:09,929
AND THEN NEXT TO THAT
IS THE HANDICAPPED LINE?
529
00:40:10,059 --> 00:40:12,540
THAT'S THE ONE
YOU WANT TO TRY TO GET INTO.
530
00:40:14,673 --> 00:40:17,806
BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS
THE HANDICAPPED LINE.
531
00:40:17,937 --> 00:40:22,158
AND I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS,
I TAKE MORE JOY IN WALKING BY
532
00:40:22,289 --> 00:40:23,899
A LONG LINE
OF FIRST CLASS PEOPLE
533
00:40:24,030 --> 00:40:25,379
AND JUST GOING...
534
00:40:32,386 --> 00:40:34,040
"BYE-BYE."
535
00:40:39,741 --> 00:40:42,657
WELL, ALL THEIR MILES
CAN'T BUY PALSY, HUH?
536
00:40:52,014 --> 00:40:55,017
I CAN HEAR THEIR ASSHOLES CLOSE
AS I WALK BY THEM.
537
00:40:57,977 --> 00:41:00,109
THERE'S ONE OF THEM NOW.
538
00:41:04,418 --> 00:41:05,506
YOU KNOW WHAT I DO
WHEN I GET TO THE PART
539
00:41:05,637 --> 00:41:07,682
WHERE THEY CHECK YOUR I.D.?
540
00:41:07,813 --> 00:41:09,902
WHAT I DO IS I PUT IT
IN THIS HAND.
541
00:41:25,221 --> 00:41:26,745
AH!
542
00:41:26,875 --> 00:41:31,227
[laughter]
543
00:41:31,358 --> 00:41:32,968
TWO FOR FLINCHING.
544
00:41:38,670 --> 00:41:41,455
THEY ARE NOT PREPARED
FOR THAT.
545
00:41:41,586 --> 00:41:44,893
LIKE, "THIS IS NOT
IN TRAINING AT ALL.
546
00:41:45,024 --> 00:41:47,505
THIS IS WAY SCARIER
THAN AL QAEDA."
547
00:41:49,289 --> 00:41:52,640
SHEE-ITE.
548
00:41:58,298 --> 00:41:59,778
LOOK, I KNOW UNFORTUNATELY,
YOU KNOW,
549
00:41:59,908 --> 00:42:02,258
YOU GOT TO LOOK FOR TERRORISTS
AT THE AIRPORT,
550
00:42:02,389 --> 00:42:04,565
BUT I WISH THEY COULD COME UP
WITH A SYSTEM, YOU KNOW,
551
00:42:04,696 --> 00:42:08,090
WHERE THEY COULD LOOK
AT A PERSON LIKE ME AND GO,
552
00:42:08,221 --> 00:42:10,963
"YEAH, HE'S NOT THE GUY."
553
00:42:16,229 --> 00:42:18,623
I WOULD BE A TERRIBLE
BOMB-MAKER, MAN.
554
00:42:25,891 --> 00:42:27,370
EVEN IF I WAS
ABLE TO MAKE IT,
555
00:42:27,501 --> 00:42:29,416
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO CARRY IT ANYWHERE.
556
00:42:35,465 --> 00:42:38,556
AND BESIDES,
I LOVE HAM.
557
00:42:49,523 --> 00:42:50,698
I CAME UP WITH AN IDEA
558
00:42:50,829 --> 00:42:53,440
HOW TO SPEED UP
THE SECURITY CHECKPOINT.
559
00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:56,574
INSTEAD OF CHECKING I.D.s
AND TAKING ALL THAT STUFF OFF,
560
00:42:56,704 --> 00:43:00,665
YOU KNOW, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS EAT A PIECE OF HAM.
561
00:43:12,764 --> 00:43:15,070
THAT WOULD SURE SPEED THINGS UP,
WOULDN'T IT?
562
00:43:18,204 --> 00:43:19,988
WELL, NO HAM, NO FLY.
563
00:43:29,650 --> 00:43:31,521
THINK OF HOW EXCITED
YOU HAM-LOVERS WOULD BE,
564
00:43:31,652 --> 00:43:34,350
LIKE, "YOU MEAN,
IF I GO ON THIS LINE,
565
00:43:34,481 --> 00:43:36,004
I GET SOME HAM?
ALL RIGHT!"
566
00:43:40,966 --> 00:43:42,750
MY FAVORITE THING TO DO IS LIKE,
WHEN THEY'RE LIKE,
567
00:43:42,881 --> 00:43:48,277
"OKAY, NOW YOU HAVE TO
TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES."
568
00:43:49,975 --> 00:43:52,325
AH!
569
00:43:52,455 --> 00:43:53,848
YOU'RE NOT TAKING
MY LUCKY SHOES!
570
00:43:53,979 --> 00:43:54,806
OH!
571
00:44:05,686 --> 00:44:06,905
NOW, IF YOU DO THAT
LONG ENOUGH,
572
00:44:07,035 --> 00:44:09,342
THEY DO NOT TAKE
YOUR LUCKY SHOES.
573
00:44:14,913 --> 00:44:16,741
USUALLY BY THE END,
THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO
574
00:44:16,871 --> 00:44:19,439
POKE ME THROUGH WITH
A BROOM STICK, LIKE--
575
00:44:19,569 --> 00:44:21,093
"GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"
576
00:44:24,270 --> 00:44:26,054
"WHO'S IN CHARGE OF
THIS FUCKING GUY?"
577
00:44:26,185 --> 00:44:32,234
[laughter]
578
00:44:32,365 --> 00:44:35,498
YEAH, MEANWHILE, I GOT
20 POUNDS OF WEED ON ME.
579
00:44:43,463 --> 00:44:45,683
THAT'S RIGHT.
JUST PUSH ME ON THROUGH.
580
00:44:47,946 --> 00:44:52,777
OH, NO.
I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS, THOUGH.
581
00:44:52,907 --> 00:44:54,300
THAT AIRPORT JOKE'S
PRETTY FUNNY,
582
00:44:54,430 --> 00:44:56,998
BUT, UNTIL I TRY TO
LEAVE HERE MONDAY--
583
00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:01,699
BECAUSE I KNOW
ONE OF YOU WEASEL LITTLE BITCHES
584
00:45:01,829 --> 00:45:03,875
IS IN HERE.
585
00:45:09,402 --> 00:45:11,709
I CAN SMELL MY LOTION.
586
00:45:21,936 --> 00:45:24,765
THANK YOU.
587
00:45:24,896 --> 00:45:27,072
JUST PICTURE IT--
588
00:45:27,202 --> 00:45:29,770
MONDAY MORNING,
SOMEBODY WAITING FOR ME THERE,
589
00:45:29,901 --> 00:45:32,164
"OH, HEY, JACK.
590
00:45:34,470 --> 00:45:36,777
GET THE CAVITY DOGS."
591
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:45,481
YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
I REALLY AM GLAD
592
00:45:45,612 --> 00:45:47,353
THAT I'M ABLE TO DO THIS,
YOU KNOW,
593
00:45:47,483 --> 00:45:49,572
AND LAUGH AT MYSELF,
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
594
00:45:49,703 --> 00:45:52,184
A LOT OF US AREN'T ABLE
TO LAUGH AT OURSELVES ENOUGH.
595
00:45:52,314 --> 00:45:53,968
I THINK WE'D ALL BE
HAPPIER PEOPLE
596
00:45:54,099 --> 00:45:58,190
IF WE DIDN'T TAKE OURSELVES
SO SERIOUSLY ALL THE TIME.
597
00:46:06,154 --> 00:46:12,073
BECAUSE LIKE, I CAN ASSURE YOU,
YOU ARE NOT ALL THAT, OKAY?
598
00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:14,293
I'M JUST GLAD THAT I'M ABLE
TO LAUGH AT MYSELF,
599
00:46:14,423 --> 00:46:18,776
BECAUSE IF I WASN'T ABLE
TO LAUGH AT MYSELF,
600
00:46:18,906 --> 00:46:20,778
I WOULD HAVE SHOT SOMEONE
BY NOW.
601
00:46:24,346 --> 00:46:26,871
SURE, IT MIGHT HAVE TAKEN
A FEW TRIES.
602
00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:32,224
"YOU STAY THERE WHILE I RELOAD.
603
00:46:38,752 --> 00:46:40,275
COULD YOU HELP ME?"
604
00:46:43,539 --> 00:46:47,500
SO I DO FLY A LOT...
ON PLANES.
605
00:46:49,981 --> 00:46:52,026
JUST MAKING SURE.
606
00:46:52,157 --> 00:46:54,028
SOMEBODY IS SITTING THERE
LIKE,
607
00:46:54,159 --> 00:46:56,683
"WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW PEOPLE
WITH CEREBRAL PALSY COULD FLY.
608
00:46:58,685 --> 00:47:01,470
"THAT'S NEAT.
609
00:47:01,601 --> 00:47:03,124
"SEEMS FAIR.
610
00:47:09,565 --> 00:47:11,698
"I GUESS IT IS TRUE,
WHEN GOD TAKES SOMETHING AWAY,
611
00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:13,613
HE GIVES SOMETHING BACK, HUH?"
612
00:47:20,620 --> 00:47:22,752
ANYWAY, ON THIS PARTICULAR
AIRPLANE RIDE,
613
00:47:22,883 --> 00:47:24,624
FOR SOME REASON,
I ENDED UP IN
614
00:47:24,754 --> 00:47:28,846
THE VERY BACK ROW
OF THE AIRPLANE,
615
00:47:28,976 --> 00:47:31,892
WHICH, IN MY HUMBLE
OPINION,
616
00:47:32,023 --> 00:47:35,678
IS THE SMELLIEST PART
OF THE AIRPLANE,
617
00:47:35,809 --> 00:47:40,640
YOU KNOW, CONVENIENTLY LOCATED
BY THE CRAPPER.
618
00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:44,252
BUT I DID HAVE A WHOLE
ROW OF SEATS TO MYSELF,
619
00:47:44,383 --> 00:47:46,037
WHICH IS REALLY NICE,
YOU KNOW.
620
00:47:46,167 --> 00:47:49,867
IF YOU GOT TO SIT
IN SHIT SMELL,
621
00:47:49,997 --> 00:47:53,653
MIGHT AS WELL BE LOUNGING,
RIGHT?
622
00:47:58,788 --> 00:48:00,442
SO I WAS LIKE
LOUNGING THERE WAITING,
623
00:48:00,573 --> 00:48:03,358
AND THE STEWARDESS
AND THE STEWARD--
624
00:48:05,926 --> 00:48:07,580
JUST TRYING TO BE
POLITICALLY CORRECT.
625
00:48:10,583 --> 00:48:13,064
DON'T KNOW WHY I'D START
SO LATE IN THE SHOW LIKE THAT.
626
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,504
ANYWAY, THEY WERE
MAKING THEIR WAY BACK TO ME
627
00:48:18,634 --> 00:48:20,810
WITH THEIR LITTLE DRINK WAGON--
628
00:48:24,075 --> 00:48:25,641
SO I ORDERED A DRINK
FROM THIS GUY,
629
00:48:25,772 --> 00:48:27,600
AND THEN I WAS LIKE,
"OH, EXCUSE ME, MAN.
630
00:48:27,730 --> 00:48:30,995
COULD I ALSO PLEASE
HAVE A STRAW?
631
00:48:32,735 --> 00:48:35,173
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THAT'S
JUST SAFER FOR EVERYBODY."
632
00:48:35,303 --> 00:48:38,132
[laughter]
633
00:48:40,656 --> 00:48:44,051
HE LOOKED AT ME
AND GOES, "WHAT?"
634
00:48:44,182 --> 00:48:47,576
"OH, SORRY, COULD
I PLEASE HAVE A STRAW?"
635
00:48:47,707 --> 00:48:49,752
HE GOES,
"WHAT?"
636
00:48:49,883 --> 00:48:53,321
I'M LIKE,
"CAN I PLEASE HAVE A STRAW?"
637
00:48:53,452 --> 00:48:57,717
AND THEN HE GOT MAD
AND LIKE RAN OFF INTO THE BACK.
638
00:48:57,847 --> 00:48:59,675
I WAS LIKE, "OKAY, WELL,
THAT WAS A WEIRD INTERACTION,
639
00:48:59,806 --> 00:49:02,287
YOU KNOW."
640
00:49:02,417 --> 00:49:05,377
I DIDN'T THINK MY REQUEST
WAS THAT DEMANDING.
641
00:49:05,507 --> 00:49:09,163
YOU ARE A STEWARD.
642
00:49:09,294 --> 00:49:10,991
NOW, I CAN'T REALLY HEAR WHAT
HE'S SAYING IN THE BACK ROW,
643
00:49:11,122 --> 00:49:12,384
BUT I CAN HEAR HIM, LIKE,
644
00:49:12,514 --> 00:49:15,822
CHATTERING AWAY WITH
THE OTHER STEWARDESS,
645
00:49:15,953 --> 00:49:20,914
AND SHE MUST HAVE TOLD HIM THAT
I WAS RETARDED OR SOMETHING,
646
00:49:21,045 --> 00:49:23,395
BECAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE WAS LIKE, BAM!
647
00:49:23,525 --> 00:49:25,963
RIGHT BACK IN MY LINE.
HOLY SHIT, MAN!
648
00:49:32,534 --> 00:49:34,014
ANYWAYS,
IF THAT WASN'T SCARY ENOUGH
649
00:49:34,145 --> 00:49:38,671
THAT HE JUST ACTUALLY SCARED
THE HELL OUT OF ME,
650
00:49:38,801 --> 00:49:42,109
THEN HE GETS RIGHT IN MY FACE
AND HE GOES,
651
00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:45,895
[exaggerated slow talking]
"WHEN WE GET TO THE AIRPORT,
652
00:49:46,026 --> 00:49:51,597
DO YOU...NEED....
A WHEELCHAIR? "
653
00:49:57,081 --> 00:50:00,519
I WAS LIKE,
"OH, YEAH, MAN, I DO.
654
00:50:00,649 --> 00:50:04,349
OBVIOUSLY YOU MISSED ME
BELLY CRAWL BACK HERE."
655
00:50:16,491 --> 00:50:17,623
I WAS LIKE,
"OH, BUT HEY, MAN,
656
00:50:17,753 --> 00:50:19,625
"BEFORE YOU ORDER ME UP
THAT WHEELCHAIR,
657
00:50:19,755 --> 00:50:23,629
COULD YOU GET ME
A FUCKING STRAW?"
658
00:50:26,414 --> 00:50:28,373
HEY. YEAH.
659
00:50:30,549 --> 00:50:35,467
THIS HAS TO BE THE BEST
MAKE-A-WISH EVER.
660
00:50:36,729 --> 00:50:38,905
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
661
00:51:02,842 --> 00:51:08,195
[singing] THIS WHEELCHAIR
IN THE CORNER OF A SLANTED FLOOR
662
00:51:08,326 --> 00:51:14,288
HANDICAPPED ACCESSIBLE,
ALL THE WAY TO THE DOOR
663
00:51:14,419 --> 00:51:20,294
SO SING ALONG,
FROM A RANDOM HOUSE
664
00:51:20,425 --> 00:51:27,345
WE'RE VERY PROUD
OF OUR RANDOM HOUSE
665
00:51:27,475 --> 00:51:33,220
THE OUT-OF-WORK STOVE
IS A MANSION FOR MICE
666
00:51:33,351 --> 00:51:37,964
WHO MIGHT BLOW A FUSE
COOKING CORN DOGS
667
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:39,270
AND PIES
668
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:44,927
SO SING ALONG
FROM A RANDOM HOUSE
669
00:51:45,058 --> 00:51:50,194
WE'RE VERY PROUD
OF OUR RANDOM HOUSE
46540
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