Original subtitles

BENNY: Previously on Doogie Kamealoha M.D...

Last one in's a rotten egg!

NOELANI: How's long-distance going?

It's gonna take a lot more than 5,071 miles to keep us apart.

So I just got sponsored by Nuked!

So do you wanna do our date another time?

Yeah, Blake's throwing this impromptu party together for me to celebrate.

Your brother is the perfect man. I'm a catch!

One day he'll realize that and we'll spend the rest of our lives together.

(soft chuckle)

BRIAN: He doesn't deserve you.

Good day, mates!

This is your buddy, Blake?

Last one in's a rotten egg!

What the...

(gentle music)

And then I found out that Walter's surf friend Blake

is an actual human woman that looks like this.

Yup, you and Walter are done. Relationship over.

Bye!

Steph, okay, no, this isn't one of those stupid '80s movies

my mom's always trying to get me to watch, okay?

Girls don't necessarily have to be in competition with each other.

Unless that girl looks like Blake.

(motorcycle engine revs)

(tires screech)

Hey!

I'm walkin' here!

My grandma Shirley's from Manhattan.

(upbeat music)

(scoffs)

Jerk.

(tires screech)

(motorcycle engine revs)

At least if you and Walter break up because of Blake,

we can be single together.

Kai and I kissed months ago, and we still haven't talked about it.

- Not even at the Shave Ice truck? - No.

I only got that job to push things along, but it's gotten me nowhere.

I just need a moment alone with him.

It's just tough because his dad is always around.

You mean my dad?

Sorry, it's just weird talking about my brother like that.

I feel you.

But I can't be in limbo with my...

nameless coworker forever.

I still know who you're talking about.

But back to Walter and his wildly hot not-a-man friend, Blake.

Things have just been rocky since he got back from Australia.

Well, I'm sure everything will go back to normal now that he's back at home,

living with his aunties.

Sharing a bathroom with 16 middle-aged women keeps you humble.

WALTER: Woo!

Hey.

Sorry I'm late. But guess what?

Now that I'm sponsored by Nuked,

they're moving me and my surf buddies into their official house.

It's like this insane three-story mansion on the North Shore.

- Bye-bye, aunties. - Oh, my God?

More changes.

Yay!

(theme music)

(gentle music)

Hey, Dad, do you mind if I borrow this?

I'm making bulgogi for Walter as a housewarming present,

using your recipe and everything.

Just make sure you get that back. That's my good Tupperware.

Can't believe Walter gets to live at the Nuked House.

I'm so excited to party there.

It's my senior year. It's time to go hard.

- Hm. - Like in a schoolular sense.

Well, your partying's gonna have to wait.

I want us all to go up to the ranch this weekend.

Yeah, I don't know about a trip to the ranch right now.

I am up to my neck in very important work.

Grandma is downsizing, and she just sent her Christmas village.

The lighthouse tower and Mr. Timbley's Bookshop

got a little banged up on their way from Pennsylvania.

So look what I just bought. A glue gun.

(laughs)

Talk about going hard.

This glue is about to go hard when it cools...

between two items.

You get it?

You know, how glue works. (clears throat)

Mom! You really should just go down to the ranch.

I mean, take your weird little glue weapon and make it a whole weekend.

Yeah, nice try, but I'm not leaving you at the house alone.

One time you threw a party while I was at Costco.

All right, I'm off to work, okay? Bye.

I'll go to the ranch, Dad.

There's the spirit!

I've been working on my plans for the land.

An amusement park called Brian Patrick Enterprises Presents: BrianPatrickLand.

Of course, once the park's a hit,

I'll expand to film, VR, a 24-hour news network.

Then space tourism and a line of pizza bagels.

Space tourism, then pizza bagels?

(chuckles)

But the dream starts with getting some specs for my contractors.

Brian Patrick, you know that there's already contractors at the ranch.

The Menehune!

(Clara gasps)

Looks like we're gonna have to get the book!

- No. - (all laugh)

Not the book.

He loves this.

The Legend of the Menehune by Brian Keaulana.

BENNY: "Hawaiian legend has it

that the Menehune are a race of people tinier than most.

Rarely seen by human eyes,

the Menehune watch from afar the goodness of the Hawaiian people.

Master builders and crafts people.

The Menehune work in the cover of night.

To give back to those who give."

If we go up to the ranch, we can look for the Menehune.

BRIAN: Dad.

There's only one tiny person who I'm concerned about right now,

and that's me.

Trying to figure out if you could charge to use the bathroom

based on what you do in there.

CLARA: Oh.

(light music)

Wait, so you guys are thinking about living together?

Oh, medical school debt is real.

We've already started looking at apartments.

Have you ever seen House Hunters set in Hawaii,

and at first, it all looks really beautiful,

and then you find out everything costs a billion dollars

and also the couple should get divorced?

Right now, we're deciding between two apartments in our price range.

A one bedroom that's super nice and a two bedroom, no bath.

(clears throat)

- You're gonna share a room? - NOELANI: Yeah!

We just went to HomeWorld and asked about adult bunk beds.

And guess what we found out?

- That's not a thing. - Not a thing.

Right. (scoffs)

(scoffs)

I will be right back.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't my friend, the dirt biker.

Your daredevil ways finally caught up to you, huh?

What are you here for? Concussion? ACL tear?

Nope. Cancer.

Dude, it's not funny to joke about cancer.

Let's see why you're actually here.

(clicks tongue)

(somber music)

LAHELA: Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. (awkward chuckle)

- I thought... - Because of my shampoo commercial hair?

Yeah, no, it's just leukemia is back again.

No, I meant because of how you were riding your bike earlier, I...

Hey, I get it. You are not the first person to think

that my cancer is a dirt bike injury.

A couple of years ago, my leg just wouldn't stop hurting,

and I thought it was because I was messing around on some ramp

that me and my buddy made out of a swing set in his yard, but nope.

Acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

And I have been in and out of hospitals ever since, so.

Doctor, can I ask you a question?

Yes, of course.

Oh, okay, um...

What is the treatment for when you put your own foot in your mouth?

I deserve that.

I'm Dr. Kamealoha by the way.

I figured it was you.

You know, I go to your old high school, Liliuokalani High.

Occasionally.

I'm Nico, but you saw that in my chart.

You know, with the chemo and the cancer.

- It's nice to officially meet you, Nico. - Yeah.

We have a fantastic oncology department,

and I'm just so sorry we got off on the wrong foot.

I mean, you know what I mean. (chuckles)

You should see your face right now.

You know, maybe you should check into this hospital.

If you need tips, I am very, very friendly with registration, so I got you.

Hm. (soft chuckle)

(upbeat music)

Hey!

Hey! Happy move-in day.

I brought you some bulgogi.

- My dad's recipe. Your favorite. - Oh!

Thank you, but I'm actually not eating meat right now.

The team's going vegan for training.

Oh, okay. Well, I will keep this as a car snack.

You never know what might happen on the H-3.

I can't wait for you guys to meet the team.

This is Ty, Adam...

Sonny, and Blake's running around somewhere.

Oh, I bet she is.

Yo, we had the most amazing time with your boy Walter in Australia.

Oh, good. I'm so glad.

Remember when we went cliff-jumping at Blairgowrie Jumping Rock

- outside Melbourne? - Yeah.

Oh, remember our Switch Your Clothes party?

(all laugh)

Remember when we got briefly lost at sea?

Lost at sea?

That sounds like a crazy story. I would love to hear it.

Remember holding your phone out like... (whooping)

- Authorities! Authorities! - (all laugh)

You called the authorities there, the boat police.

- Oh, mega grommage, bro! - Super stokage.

I guess we should've done Surf Hottie Duolingo on the way over here.

Yeah.

So, uh, where is your room? I'll help you unpack.

Oh, thanks.

It's upstairs.

Oh, guess what.

I'm rooming with Blake.

Mega grommage! (chuckles)

(light music)

(sighs)

Girl, I know it's not the '80s, but if you were ever to be jealous of Blake,

now might be the time to do it.

I know, that one's not even, like, legally a swimsuit.

Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear your shockingly loud American voice.

Well, her grandma Shirley's from Manhattan, so...

Ha.

Lahela, I'm going to tell you something I would want to hear

if my boyfriend was rooming with some random girl.

I'm not into Walter like that.

Aw. (scoffs)

- I wasn't worried. - I was.

I'm Steph.

I'm Blake, nice to meet you.

Walt is basically my brother now.

The team became like a family in Australia.

So many wild nights and parties.

One time we even got lost at sea.

- (laughs) - Yeah, I heard about that.

Kind of.

I love that Walter has a girlfriend like you.

A doctor who cares about more than just having fun?

We're all gross little sand crabs.

But you're not a partier at all

and from what Walter tells me, you're more like a parent.

Uh... No, that's not true.

I am wild.

Sometimes I send prescriptions straight to the pharmacy myself

instead of pending them for an attending to sign off on.

Ha! Well, I'm gonna go grab some more of my stuff,

but, uh, feel free to put away my formal wear.

I'm fun. (scoffs)

I... I'm totally fun. Uh...

And like all fun people I'm gonna work really, really hard to prove it

and then rub it in everyone's faces.

What are you doing?

- It's cute, right? - Take it off!

In a fun way.

- Hey, Mom. - Hey.

I've been thinking.

You know, you have been working so hard.

A night at the ranch could help rejuvenate you.

So I threw together this fun little go-bag so you can just, like, go.

(laughs) Get out, girl.

I got your hot glue gun and Mr. Wimbledon's bookstore and...

It's Timbley's Bookshop.

Oh, of course, it is. (chuckles)

And you can go to town on it with that hot glue gun at the ranch,

and I'll keep an eye on Kai.

A night at the ranch does sound relaxing, and I would feel so much better

knowing you are here, holding down the fort.

- Well, fort held. - Oh, great!

I'll go tell Brian Patrick to start packing.

The kid always brings, like, 30 stuffies and a razor.

- Well, have fun! - Thanks!

Yo. What's going on?

We are having a party at the house.

What?

I've been waiting for this moment

since you graduated from diapers to Pull-Ups.

- Six months before you did. - Um-hm.

- I'm inviting the whole senior class. - Whoa!

No, I don't have enough roles for that.

Rolls?

Like hot dogs? We having a Q?

No. Roles, like parts, because we are throwing a Murder Mystery Party.

But what theme?

Masquerade Ball Murder Mystery Party?

Old West Murder Mystery Party?

Gangsters and Molls Murder Mystery Party?

Stop saying words in front of "party."

Okay, trust me, this Murder Mystery Party is going to be killer.

See, I'm fun!

So do you want to be at the flapper's date or...

the dandy archeologist?

(light music)

BrianPatrickLand will celebrate all things fun and also all things Brian Patrick.

So, the theme park is all the things you like?

Or the theme park is about you as a person?

I would say both.

Can't say we didn't raise kids with healthy egos.

Hm.

And all this land over here?

Parking.

Black top. As far as the eye can see.

Eh... Brian Patrick.

It's about stewardship of the land, not ownership.

We ask permission before we give permits.

We ask the trees to guide us.

- We ask the stars... - Okay, okay.

Yo, stars.

Can I build a parking lot over there?

(light music)

Oh, 100 percent.

Lahela!

If you ever need a DocuSign tutorial,

then just let us know because we just signed a lease, baby.

- Oh, yay! - We went for the nicer one bedroom

because who wants to do an 18-hour shift and then take a shower in the kitchen?

Not Chucky, not Noe-Noe.

Our new bunk bed isn't coming in for a while,

so we're both sleeping on Charles's old bed.

(whispers) She is such a cover hog.

What? I am not.

You just run hot and kick them off. You're like a man-shaped crock pot.

Yeah, well, your feet are so cold, they could have taken down the Titanic.

Okay, well, as much as I would love to stay here

and check Charles's vitals and get to the bottom of this,

I actually have a patient to see.

- But congrats, guys. - Thanks.

Thanks.

- There's nothing wrong with me. - Oh, my gosh.

There's something wrong with me.

I'm telling you, it's clogged.

Okay, well, it is my job and legal requirement

to verify that claim, so.

But you're right.

Your PICC is backed up, so I'm just going to flush it out.

Is that a 10 cc normal saline syringe?

Yes, it is. Why?

Okay, well, I wouldn't use that.

I would use a 3 cc normal saline syringe.

Well, that is not part of the protocol.

Okay, well, then your protocol doesn't understand physics.

It's Pascal's principle, all right?

A smaller volume syringe exerts greater pressure or force

on the plunger than a larger syringe.

Aren't you the child genius?

Yes, and I'm also your doctor, so I will be using the 10 cc.

Okay, you're wasting both of our time because I'm going to need a TPA.

And I'm sure the hospital would love you spending an extra 7k

on something just for kicks.

Isn't your mom the new Chief of Staff?

Fine, I will use the 3 cc.

Hm.

(quirky music)

Okay. Maybe you do know what you're talking about.

Yeah, I would hope so. I've spent, like...

three Christmases in hospitals, a couple of birthdays,

and I have hung out with more volunteers dressed up as Spider-Man

than actual children.

Yeah, I've spent a few Christmases and birthdays here as well.

Yeah, but you choose to spend them here.

I did not choose to grow up in a hospital.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

What's wrong with you anyway?

Like, shouldn't you be out with your friends doing crazy things?

Like regular stuff, like, I don't know, jamming nine people

- in the back of a Dodge Neon? - Hmm.

I'm actually having a party tonight.

You? A party?

- Yup. - Really?

It's murder mystery themed.

Oh, God.

What?

Okay, if you are reading directions out loud at any point, then it's not a party.

Better or worse if the directions are distributed

via little laminated cards?

Are you be... Worse.

Much, much worse.

- That's what I thought. - Hm.

KAI: You know you're my favorite...

Forget a murder mystery.

New plan, we're throwing a rager.

Oh, hell yeah!

Nuked is terrible.

KAI: I like it.

- Cheers! - Woo!

BOTH: Woo!

("Evolution of 909" by DJ Fernando do Miami Bass)

(indistinct chatter)

You look amazing.

You look amazing!

(both squeal)

You know how I was just saying that I needed to find the right moment

to talk to Kai?

Well, this party is that moment.

I'm gonna hit the dance floor,

bust out my moves I've been perfecting with the Royals.

And then once I have his attention, bam!

I ask him...

"What's up?"

Great.

- Good for you. - (giggles)

Thank you for this opportunity to bring me closer to your brother.

That's not...

Yeah, okay.

- I got to go. - Okay, yeah.

Good luck.

(laughter)

Oh, dude, we have to surf Burgerworld.

It's one of the longest waves in the Mentawais.

Yes.

Yes.

My dad calls the deep freezer in the garage Burger World,

if you guys want to check that out. (soft chuckle)

So, are you guys having fun?

- Yeah. - Sure.

No, no, this is like an amazing party, Lahela.

But speaking of your dad, are you sure your parents are cool with this?

You mean my boss and her friend, the shave ice guy?

Who cares what they think?

- You usually do. - Yeah!

MAN: Woo!

Aw. It's almost like we're back in Australia again.

Or maybe lost in the middle of the ocean.

Authorities! Authorities!

- Yeah, we get it I was scared. - It's funny.

Okay, I don't know about the authorities, but...

But...

Did anyone in Australia ever do this?

Wait until you see what I'm gonna do.

♪ I'm way too fine to be this stressed, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, I'm not the girl I was or used to be ♪

♪ Uh, I might be better ♪

♪ Turn up the music turn down the lights ♪

♪ I got a feelin' I'm gon' be all right ♪

♪ Okay, all right ♪

♪ It's about damn time ♪

What are you doing?

Being fun.

Ta-da.

MAN: She's crazy.

(man whoops)

Woo!

(all cheer)

What were you thinking?

You're crazy!

(inaudible chatter)

(mellow music)

The boy may act like the next roller coaster tycoon,

but I just had to make sure Brian Patrick was breathing under all his stuffies.

(both laugh)

Thank you. Oh.

(sighs)

Sometimes it makes me sad he's such a little businessman.

He doesn't have a connection to the land.

Yeah.

We used to run all over the ranch together,

looking for the little structures the Menehune built.

(chuckles)

But now he doesn't even believe.

I just wish there was a way to make him see the magic again.

Oh.

I have an idea.

- Follow me. - (soft chuckle)

(upbeat music)

Did you know that Australian farms produce 93 percent

of the total volume of food consumed in Australia?

Oh, I thought Walter said you weren't the smart brother.

SONNY: Yeah! (laughs)

- Sonny! No! - SONNY: Yeah!

Look at me!

(Sonny laughs)

- SONNY: Woo! - Okay, get down!

- LAHELA: That is way too high. Get down! - Yeah, baby!

I should have known this was gonna happen.

Any time someone does something crazy, Sonny has to go even bigger.

We had to lie and tell him there was only one Jackass movie.

Sonny, stop!

Nuked! Nuked! Nuked!

Please, just get down.

SONNY: Nuked! Nuked! Nuked!

- Are you seeing this? - Come on, boys!

Yes, but are you seeing me?

Dude, we kissed.

We hang out all the time.

I fully helped you pick tomatoes last week.

Can't you just tell me what's going on between us?

Uh...

Say something!

I'm done.

I'm too good for this.

Why am I wasting my youth, my beauty, my endless Spice Girls trivia,

my killer dance moves on a guy who will clearly never appreciate me?

Steph out.

SONNY: Nuked! Nuked! Nuked! Nuked! Nuked!

(cheering) Yeah!

Please, just get down!

(grunts) Yeah! Yeah!

- How about this one? Authorities. - BLAKE: Sonny! Stop!

Oh! (groans)

SONNY: My arm!

I'm gonna lose my sponsorship.

Okay, come on. Let's get you out of here.

- Come on. - (groans)

Luckily, it was just a dislocated shoulder.

So you'll be in a sling for three weeks

and then you should have full range of motion.

So I'm gonna be able to finish the surf season?

Yeah, as long as everything heals properly and you stay out of my palm tree.

I'm just gonna get started on your discharge paperwork.

Thank you, Lahela, for taking such amazing care of our friend.

Yeah.

I don't know what we would have done without you there.

We are so lucky to know someone who isn't just another Nuked-chugging,

hard-partying, wave chaser.

Yeah.

Thank God you're nothing like us, right?

(all chuckle)

Well, it's still early.

Are you guys hungry? We could get some cheese fries at Zippy's?

We're all vegans, remember?

Oh, right.

Uh, the onion rings are vegan.

You know, it's, it's been an insane night.

I think we're all just going to head back to the surf house, rest up for training.

Okay, yeah.

Another one for the books, Sonny boy.

Just legendary.

(all chuckle)

BLAKE: What are we gonna do with you?

- SONNY: Break my other arm? - (Blake laughs)

What?

Wanna come mess with my PICC line again?

Maybe clean it out with a boba straw. (chuckles)

Wait, aren't you supposed to be throwing a party tonight?

Yeah, I did, and then somebody got hurt.

So now I'm back here.

Oh, damn.

There was a real murder at the murder mystery party?

No, I actually threw a party-party.

When you said that I chose to spend my teen years in a hospital,

you kind of got in my head.

Wait, what?

You actually listened to me?

No doctor ever pays attention to me.

They usually just tune me out because I'm just some sick kid.

Well, I listened, and you were right...

Ah... I can buy all the Nuked in the world,

I can even jump off a roof, but I'm not fun.

Hey, I get it. I mean, that's how I feel all the time.

Zero fun.

I mean, unless you consider fun being hooked up

to a bunch of tubes all the time, but it just makes me feel crazy, you know?

It makes me go crazy.

(exhales deeply)

That is why you were going so fast on your dirt bike.

Yeah. 'Cause I never know when it's gonna be my last time...

having fun.

I have been a cancer kid for a long time.

And if you're feeling weird socially

because you're stuck in this hospital all the time like I am,

you should say something.

We do not live normal lives, so you should tell people how you're feeling.

Thanks, Nico.

Okay, can we please revisit this whole jumping off the roof thing?

Like, I need to hear every detail.

Please tell me you shouted something badass when you jumped off.

Hmm.

Mom and Dad, it's been nice yukking it up with you,

but I really need these specs if I'm going to make the 2028 bagel launch.

What the...

BENNY: Look at him.

CLARA: Okay, play it cool, play it cool.

Wait, there's no way you two could pull off this structural engineering.

Maybe the Menehune are real.

- You believe! - (both laugh)

Yeah, I guess I'll find another spot

for Brian Patrick Enterprises Presents: BrianPatrickLand.

(both laugh)

Great job finishing these.

The village you did was fine, but this is amazing!

BENNY: I mean, when did you do this?

I was up before you.

Benny, I didn't finish it. I thought you finished it.

Well, looks like the Menehune recognized our goodness.

(both chuckle)

- So you finished it, right? You did. - BENNY: No.

(Benny sighs)

CLARA: Yes, it's nice to be home.

- (Benny grunts) - (Clara clears throat)

- Okie dokie. - Hm.

(quirky music)

Kai!

Where did all those cans come from?

Did you throw a party?

Uh...

Uh, no, no. (chuckles)

It was me.

- You threw a party? - But...

That's so...

teenager-y.

Well, you know, to be fair, it wasn't a real party.

Walter just got sponsored by Nuked,

and so Steph and I had a little group over to celebrate.

Because, you know, you gotta celebrate every win, like Dad always says.

I do say that.

And I guess people got a little carried away with all the free energy drinks.

Well, I'm glad you had a good time.

CLARA: Just throw that.

Clean this up.

Why did I just have to "Kai" Mom and Dad?

Gaslighting our parents is your favorite art form.

What is wrong with you?

I don't know.

Has anyone ever said anything to you

that just totally rocked your world and you can't stop thinking about it?

(sighs, groans)

Awesome.

Hey, thanks for taking a walk with me.

Oh, of course.

The wind was kind of intense so we ended up knocking off practice a little early.

Walter...

are we drifting apart?

What? No.

It's just... You changed so much in Australia.

I've been working, you know, like always, but you...

did all these exciting things.

But, I mean, it feels like you changed a lot, too.

You're the one that jumped off that roof.

True.

And I expect those stunts from Sonny or Blake, but my girlfriend?

I like hearing you say "girlfriend." Feels so normal.

(chuckles)

But a lot of things in my life aren't normal.

Like spending my teen years in a hospital.

Sometimes I worry that I'm not fun.

No way. You're the most fun.

Really?

Yeah.

You make walking down a beach feel like I'm riding the biggest wave in the world.

Listen, neither of us have normal kid jobs right now,

but we still love each other.

That's all that matters, right?

Right.

I love you, Lahela.

I love you, too.

Come here.

The truth is, deep down, sometimes I feel really insecure

and different than everyone else.

But you don't have to change yourself to fit in.

You just have to be open about who you are

and the right people will notice.

- You ready, mate? - Yeah.

We hitting the beach or what?

I brought you girls some bikinis.

These are just strings.

Are we supposed to knit them ourselves?

(all laugh)

STEPH: Five, six. A one, two, three...

LAHELA: Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no!

Okay, okay, okay.

Five, six, seven, eight, one, two, three, four.

(indistinct chatter)

LAHELA: Again!

GIRLS: One, two, three, four.

(girls laugh)

(closing theme music)

KIDS: Mom.

(man grunts)