Original subtitles

This is a chimp.

He'll travel to Mars.

Mars.

We...are humans.

And we aren't going anywhere.

We'll stay right here and suck on each other's blood.

By the way, for your information, I must tell you...

...that I was born with this condition.

Not the one I'm having now. I meant the Cerebral Palsy.

As a result, I can speak fluently only in my mind.

Whereas in reality...

Don't force to me...

Aafia, give it to me.

I sound like this.

Was that funny?

Did you have a laugh?

Now can I get on with the story?

This gun is not for blowing my own brains out.

It's for someone else.

But if they try to stop me, I swear I will kill myself.

Which reminds me...

This stressed woman that you see is my mother.

And that's my father.

Afghani on my mother's son, and Punjabi from my father's side.

They all love me.

Although I didn't make many mistakes in life...

...but no matter what I did, they all stood by me.

Even though I had a condition, they never let me lose courage.

They educated me and made me capable.

So capable that I am now the...

...senior mathematician in America's most premiere space organization.

I made a zero-gravity simulator on Earth.

And now I am planning the world's first manned mission to Mars.

I'll be giving a seminar before thousands of people today...

...for sending this chimp on Mars.

To raise money and to convince the American Government to support us.

But there's going to be another guest at this seminar.

I am far more eager to see him then he is to come here.

Let him show up first.

By the way, this story doesn't begin from where I did.

But it was important for me to let you hear my voice.

To warn you that with your habit of laughing things away...

...you don't forget that this story is as much as about me...

...as much as about that funny man.

I just want you to take care of yourself.

Don't get lost in this crowd.

Or get out pocket picket.

Or let someone's cuteness fool you.

Like I was.

So, sorry for the interruption.

Now you can hear the story from where it actually begins.

Please let me go.

Catch her.

Stop!

Where to, princess?

- Let me go. - Scream if you want.

- Scream! - Leave me.

Let the toughest man in all Meerut save you from my clutches.

- Anyone there? - Ashok!

May the good Lord forgive us!

[french language]

[french language]

Can't you speak French?

Ashok, didn't I hit you yesterday?

So what?

So what!

Times have changed, boy.

Your father must be "the boy." They call me Bauua Singh.

Bauua!

Oh no! That same dream.

Did you save my honour again in your dream?

- Yes. - Bauua.

Your friends are here.

Your father is calling you for breakfast.

Bring me tea. Wash your hands first.

- Bauua. - Who's that?

Bauua. Bauua.

Bauua come out.

Your Majesty! Good morning.

Good morning, guys. What's up?

Look! The new iPhone.

Wow!

Sire, this jewel in rags...

...has brought great news for you.

Your heart will melt. You'll singing devotional songs.

- The most delightful news ever. - Read it out!

Yes.

"Babita Kumari's heart has been broken again.

- Wow! - "At director Imtiaz Ali's party...

"...the spat between Babita Kumari and her boyfriend intensified.

WmmfihMmKastwap's mum...

"...but Babita has refused to work with her guy.

“At a party, her close friend Shamina Khan let slip the reason why:

"He's with another actress.

"Has it happened again?

“Has Babita Kumari's heart been broken by another flirt?"

Your bride has missed the wedding bus.

Bless you.

Guddu, that's terrific news.

Today is Eid. Give these guys a SOC-rupee bundle.

It'll make their day.

Wait!

Behave you guys.

- Is he up yet? - No.

He'll only get up when my dead body leaves this house.

Have your breakfast. Stop nagging him. He's just a kid.

Only in height. He eats like a full-grown man.

You're just...

I slave away while mister wants fresh orange juice.

I am not his father...

...but a money printing machine to him.

Keep them coming.

Keep them coming.

Hey, orphans! Enjoy biryani in my bride Babita's name.

Hey, you!

Stop!

The whole neighbourhood's shown up.

You incompetent idiots!

Snatch the cash from him.

- Have your breakfast. - I won't spare him today.

You...

Squandering my money.

- He's a kid. - A kid, my foot!

You're an angel of death.

Don't talk nonsense, Ashok.

Your bad habits made me short.

So what if I spend your money?

My bad habits?

Is my height my fault?

- All that tobacco-chewing stunted your genes. - Shut up!

- My genes? - It's stunted. I've read about it.

Either I kill him or you kill me.

Try saying that when a cop's twisting his stick inside you.

- Go on. Hit me. - Go downstairs for my sake.

- I'm taking your car. - Be my guest!

Even your belt's too soft.

Bauua, why are you after him?

Look at my height. He owes me, Amma.

Son, it's God's will that you're a dwarf.

Your God has had His way. Now it's my turn.

OK. Give me my suit and the "Dhoom 3" bowler hat.

I'm seeing my bride's new movie.

Amma, I've told you so many times...

...don't you cry.

- Found your perfect wife? - Pandey is looking for girl.

- Nigaar cinema. - How many passengers?

Just me, the small kid. And my father.

Why are you joking, sir? You're a grown man.

So why ask? Shall I...?

- I charge 20 rupees. - It's 10 for Nigaar cinema.

Pay me 5 and pull the rickshaw yourself.

10 rupees per passenger. No matter how many.

- Can you pull us all? - Yes.

Gimme five!

We're off to see my bride's movie. Come!

Come! We're off to see my bride's movie.

Come one. Come all. Come on.

Come and enjoy Babita's latest!

Two sexy item numbers.

He can pull us all.

Come on.

Guddu, should I call Junaid?

Forget it! He prefers the star Deepika and Hollywood movies.

Come with us. There's tons of room here.

The night is young, full of lustful promises

Yeah...

The screen is that way!

You always fail at love. I burn in love

Our names are notorious

I could use you

Don't think too much

I 'II leave the world behind for you. Why worry?

The beauty conquers your heart

The beauty conquers your heart

The beauty conquers...

Shaadi.com calling. Yes, Pandey?

Celebrate? Celebrate what?

Are you drunk? I'll be there tomorrow.

- What is it? - Nothing.

Come one.

[english rap song]

[english rap song]

[english rap song]

Bring the three Khans with you. Here I am, sweetheart.

Why did Pandey call you so early?

I have a bad feeling.

Mr. Singh...

...when's the wedding?

Rubbish!

Don't stick gum on my shoe for your commission.

You've introduced me to many girls for months.

I didn't like one.

What's so special about her?

I didn't care for active girls...

...why would an inactive girl interest me?

- Inactive? - Yes!

I told him, "Find me another bride." Didn't I tell you?

- Yes. - He's right.

I know what you were up to.

You should've told me before hugging and kissing.

My God, what have you done?

What's wrong with her?

She's pretty and educated.

Comes from a good family. Has a great job.

But...

- ...a few mechanical problems. - Like what?

Technical hiccups.

He's not exactly a catch!

When he sits, his feet can't touch the ground and he wants a beauty.

Right.

You were having...

...a love affair.

No.

Will you betray her? Turn your back on love?

Love?

You didn't tell me. God forgive us.

No, bro.

What do you mean "no?"

It started 5 months ago, on 27th January...

...you were looking at photos of prospective brides...

...and I entered through that door.

It was a miserable day.

You came all the way from Meerut in this terrible storm?

Bachelors at 38...

...aren't scared of storms.

You've seen so many photos.

No girl in Asia is worthy of you.

Shut up!

You lied to me. You hid this diamond in a coal mine.

This.

- Where did you find this? - In your desk drawer.

She's unavailable. 80 I hid it.

I've paid you so much, you should be available to me too.

- What are you saying? - What?

Mr. Singh, she's not for you.

I think she is.

My friend, she shakes a lot.

So I'll shake along with her.

Introduce us.

Don't take this road.

But I will.

Mr. Singh...

...even people who love in secret end up married.

Aafla Yusufzai Bhinder'? What kind of name is that?

Some people have the oddest names. 80 does she.

HalfAfghani, half Punjabi.

Blast! Then? What did you do?

Then?

I landed up at her address.

Amity Global School is proud to Present our very own student...

...from the batch of 2001.

Apart from finding water fossils on Mars...

...her latest achievement is creating a zero gravity simulator on earth.

My dear students, please welcome NSAR senior scientist...

...Miss Aafia Yusufzai Bhinder.

Good heavens!

There was no wheelchair in the photo.

Good morning, students.

- What? - Girls only here. Scoot!

Fine, fine.

Stop!

- Where are you going? - Nowhere!

- Why are you in fancy dress? - It's my birthday.

- And those doves? - Which ones?

- Give them to me. - Stop!

They cost 5000 for the pair, idiot.

Insulting me? What class are you in?

If I had married in time, I'd have brats like you by now.

Don't pull my ear.

No pulling.

Let go. I'll bite you.

No organ pulling.

Did Pandey send you?

Bauua Singh?

Singh.

Singh.

Singh.

I didn't know my name had a whistle in it. Say it again.

What's wrong? You're leaving?

Listen to me!

I brought a pair of doves for you...

...but those brats let them escape. Please take this.

Like doves, thorns do not fear dying.

For you...

Isn't that a Dilip Kumar line?

You're no Madhubala either. It's a compliment. Keep it.

The canteen here has great snacks.

Want some?

You want her autograph? Queue up.

Aren't kids nasty?

[indistinct chatter]

What made you think you could ever marry me?

Me? Marry? Who pays for looking?

I was just window-shopping.

Do you know who I am?

You found water on Mars or something?

You should look for water in Meerut. It's cut off for days there.

Looks like your brain's even smaller than you are.

The way you're guzzling down those pakodas...

...dipping them in chutney...

...I bet you haven't passed 7th grade.

10th grade, actually.

10th grade.

Students!

What should we do with this man?

Kill him!

Watch it!

May your mother elope with a barber! Don't touch me. I'll hit you.

Wait.

Be polite and see this uncle to the door.

Uncle? I'm only 38.

You...

- Then? - Then what?

Chill, bro. I went home.

- Look! What is this? - Shall I explain?

What...

- Brother... - Yes.

What is this?

A dance contest.

The winner will attend a party with Babita Kumari.

- Really? - Yes.

Add my name then. I can dance.

- Hey... - Shall I make you dance?

So what happened next?

You're playing the innocent. You must've done it!

The truth.

I first roasted those cursed doves.

- This chicken is tiny. - It's a dwarf.

God forgive us!

As usual my father kept saying I was a good-for-nothing.

He's been sucking my blood.

Exhausted, he fell asleep.

5...4...3...2...1...0..

I couldn't sleep.

That mean girl, that Shahid Kapoor lookalike.

5000 angels of death swooped past me.

lwassoangylshotdownzoom Mnlght

Dad stopped me.

Don't empty the sky.

You should sell tickets for your magic show.

Lend me 500 rupees.

Shall I take my belt off?

What belt? Are you going to hit me with your drawstring?

It was pointless living Without taking revenge.

I wanted sweet revenge.

We have decided to perhaps...

Hello...Hello...

Hello, hello, my loose cannon.

You may have found water on Mars or tomatoes elsewhere, so what?

Did it help you?

Don't laugh too much!

You humiliated me in front of 5000 people yesterday. My turn now.

Brothers and sisters...

Sure, I could've been taller! But she's no lanky Amitabh Bachchan.

I'm small in stature but my limbs work.

All she can do is shake.

Give me that pen. I'll show you something.

If this pen falls...

...I can pick it up. But she can't.

Bauua Singh may be uneducated and live off his father...

...but I can stand on my own two feet.

Let's see her pick up the pen.

Come on.

Keep watching her. Look Where you're going, mister.

"The kid-faced Devil"

"Nasty dwarf“

She could not lift the pen but she touched my heart.

I'm used to my father's insults, so it wasn't her insulting me.

The problem was she didn't even stare at me.

I'm a dwarf! People pay money to see dwarves in a circus.

It would've cost her nothing. But she didn't look twice.

For me, it was double or quits.

No more doves. Time for a bouquet.

[indistinct chatter]

Long live the Goddess!

"Don't take me for a stone. Don't turn away, my rose.

"Like dew, I only caressed your cheeks.“

That line isn't Dilip Kumar's. It's mine. I wrote it for you.

Aafia, till 3.30 last night, I despised you.

At 3.45, I was in love with you.

Really?

Straight to love?

Yes.

I thought you were crushed.

Right word?

Yes! Crushed is the right word.

God has had His will. No one on earth can help me now.

I came to apologise.

It's customary to bring flowers.

May I...?

Never mind, it's OK.

Size does not matter to dreams.

This small man has dreamed of you.

- I'm so sorry about that. - Forgive me, Aafia.

Well...shall I go?

Whereabout...

Stop me from walking away.

O Goddess, will You crush me again? Blast you, Pandey.

Nice girls for everyone. And you find her for me?

She humiliated me again in front of everyone.

"Don't take me for a stone. Don't turn away, my rose.

"Like dew, I only caressed your cheeks.“

That's my line not Dilip Kumar's.

Ti” 3.30 last night, I despised you.

At 3.45, I was in love with you.

God has had His will. No one on earth can help me now.

Size does not matter to dreams. This small man has dreamed of you.

I came to apologise.

This time I've brought you a plant.

Please accept it.

I'm off. I'm going.

I'm leaving. Promise.

Have some shame!

Stop me this time!

Get rid of your dimple. Don't act over-smart.

Then I might talk to you.

I didn't buy my dimples.

I was born with them. God's gift, ma'am.

What do you want?

I've come from so far to meet you.

You could offer me tea, coffee, a cold drink or wine.

Here. Drink up.

If I had to drink alone...

...a Meerut bar would do.

Have one.

Go on!

Cheers! To your smile.

Aafia, if you're unlucky, we'll meet again.

Won't you ask me to pick up a pen today?

You'll take my life, Aafla. What's a pen?

Can I be cheeky and request you to dance with me?

I can't dance.

I used to think I could never love.

Give yourself a chance, my sweet lady.

DJ!

Yes, sir.

Play a Shammi Kapoor song.

Don't have any.

ARM“ Kapoor song?

Well...

Play a song by any one of the Kapoor dynasty.

Yes.

A Shashi Kapoor number?

Play it!

O my God!

This crazy heart of mine has weaved such magic...

...that you have...

...fallen in love with me

...that you have...

...fallen in love with you

O my God!

My heart tells me

It's God's truth

My heart tells me

It's God's truth

The world does not believe it...

The world does not believe it...

...but I'm crazy about you

I'm not a garden, not a star...

...I'm not a dark cloud, I'm only a shadow

You have...

...fallen in love with me

O my God!

How is it?

Another drink?

The rover that went to Mars, what's it called?

Goodness! I'm so drunk!

Yes. . Sun“?

No.

- It's called... - "Velocity."

- "Velocity." - I knew that.

Who asked NSAR to send a rover to Mars?

Velocity was sent by...whom?

- Who sent it? - I did.

Is that so?

- I see... - And...

...who told NSAR that Velocity should dig...

...more than travel?

Who did?

I did.

Amazing.

Who told them...

...we should send a man to Mars now?

It's time.

- Who did? - I did.

Who said...

...we should find cheaper ways of doing it from India?

- That's why I'm here. - Who?

Me. In India.

I came.

If you're here in India, it must be you.

- Amazing. You came here... - Excuse me.

Can you give me one more drink, please?

Sorry, ma'am, the bar's closed.

She found water on Mars, and you refuse her a drink?

Look at her!

OK. Don't look. Aafia, shall I hit him?

The toilet is shaking. Give me a sip.

Try some lemon.

So who told...?

Enough, my friend. Is NSAR all we can talk about?

Do I brag about saving Satish's shop when the council came to destroy it?

Right.

They came with bulldozers to raze it to the ground.

Do I brag? I did this. I did that. Doesn't sound good.

Are you making fun of me? Naughty!

Acting over-smart again?

But no dimples this time! It still worked, no?

Shut up! I need to take a leak.

Where's the leak?

Duffer! I need the toilet, to pee.

Ohh...

What must I do?

You? I'm the one who has to do it.

I'll wait outside. Call me when you're done.

Outside? You're my friend.

Stay put. Just turn around.

We're in the Ladies. There may be some aunties around.

I'll deal with them. Don't be mistaken.

I'm not your friend.

If I said I was your friend, would you have let me stay?

- Oh my God! - Come in, aunty. I'm only a kid.

I found water on Mars and the rascal won't give me a drink.

- Come here. - Now I'll look for alcohol on Mars.

You didn't answer me.

If I said I was your friend, could I have stayed?

- You missed your chance. - No way.

If I went for this chance, I might lose other chances.

God forbid I ever become your friend!

- Shut up! - OK.

- And good night. - OK. I'm gone.

Aafia, did anyone tell you...

...how pretty sweat looks on your face?

Yes. Mummy did.

You'll look even prettier with colour on you. It's Holi tomorrow!

Play Holi with me.

Money back if you don't have fun.

Don't forget your place, Bauua Singh.

I'm way out of your league.

That's really big of you, Aafla.

I can find dozens like you.

Why like me?

- I like uneducated types. - I can be the intellectual gent.

I've seen many English films.

Now I'll say goodnight.

Stand there if you want to waste your time.

Bauua!

Bauua!

Are you there?

So your head was against the door. Like this?

How romantic! Standing at her door. Then?

The usual.

What? Romance?

No, fool! A song.

Guddu, the orchestra cost 250,000. 150,000 for their costumes.

50,000 bribe for the imperial Hotel's manager.

80,000 to hire the nasty kids. 20,000 for colour sprays.

Plus my suit at 150,000.

I didn't want to, but ended up spending 600,000 of Dad's money.

Thanks to the Goddess, at last the girl looked at this dwarf.

A colour has no colour...

...Ifltdoesnotmamhmecolwr dyowlbs.

A fragrance has no fragrance...

...if it does not match the fragrance of your dark hair.

The world pales next to you

You can only be mine

Everyone can see it. I say this out loud:

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

I am your confusion. I am your solution

I'm a little stubborn

A little crazy too

How false are the clouds and spring showers

How false is offering a gift of flowers

Only you are real. Only I am real

My heart speaks the only truth

Etch your name on my heart with your lovely hands

Open your eyes to my love. Do I ask too much of you?

I say this out loud:

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

Forever you will sway in my loving arms

Like the earth sways in the arms of the sun

You will never be apart from me

Forever you will be a part of me

Shatter all my dreams if you wish

The shards of my dreams will still dream of you

You are my inspiration

I say this out loud:

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

My good sir!

Your romancing will get my family thrown out on the street.

I'll be fired.

Shut up! She's coming round.

I should shut up? Pass me the agreement.

Where does it say you'll ruin this place?

We agreed you'd spray colours, there'd be some musicians...

...that's all.

Bauua.

Bauua, give me 100-rupees and I'll tell you something.

Your father wants you home.

I paid you to hear this?

Naughty! What's this?

Lost your tongue?

You sang to her.

Now you're in love. What else? Why deny it?

She fell in love with me. And I started loving myself.

- Then? - The usual.

Another song? You just sang.

No!

Romance.

God forgive us!

Do you know...

...why the moon is sometimes a half moon?

Yes.

Because the other half sits on the Imperial Hotel balcony.

- Trying to be smooth? - Trying?

Showing me your dimple, making a fool of me.

I know your ways.

Well...

...let me try another technique.

Look!

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Do it...

...again.

Ten...nine...eight...

...zero.

How did you do it?

Would you make the moon fall too?

Ten...nine...eight...

Never mind!

There's only one moon.

So...

...if we get intimate now...

...yourjob's done, right?

It's all you wanted?

That's what I thought, but...

But?

But...

...it's hard for me to say this.

It's insulting for me...

...but...

...I'm in love with you.

Wait. What are you doing?

Don't go. I'll be back.

What a scandal! Then?

It's a month since that night. Haven't seen her since.

I've got a new SIM card and a new number.

Don't fly too high! Clever crows can end up eating crap too.

I've had my share of crap. I'll just be the clever crow now.

And fly high.

You did her wrong.

- God will take His revenge. - What more revenge can He take?

Remember when my father used to pay tax in advance? I've paid too.

And if God asks me, why this? Why that?

We cover our faces.

Don't believe her.

Blast you, Pandey.

- What is it? - Can you eat sweets?

What?

Dear...

He's back. Wait a second.

- Come here. - I don't know her. Listen.

What's going on?

Look at me.

Are you duping her?

Bauua!

Scoundrel.

You talk non-stop. Cat got your tongue now?

That's our Bauua.

Yes, I know.

You don't get it? He's always going to look small.

I won't look different 25 years from now either.

True.

You're lucky.

You found a girl who'll marry you.

Even boys would say no.

Playing games with her?

Fix the wedding date.

An auspicious day. Hurry.

He's getting married at last!

He's finally getting married.

I am not getting married.

I'll hang myself.

- Listen Ashok. - How will he hang himself?

Where's everybody?

Aunty.

- Guddu, let's celebrate. - Celebrate?

How can you all eat?

He'll commit suicide.

- Who? - Bauua. who else?

Listen, Guddu. That's just typical of him.

He shouts his head off. No one can say a word to him.

Before anyone calls him a dwarf...

...he stuffs money in their face. Or pelts stones.

His strutting is a sham.

I'll buy you a shop if that dog commits suicide.

God! What kind of mother are you?

The real thing.

Yes, listen.

I want 75 boxes of sweet.

Not 80, 75.

Move aside.

Fine, fine.

Bauua, you're marinating here...

...while the boys are jumping for joy.

Shut those women up. My head's splitting.

Babita's coming to the Mall tonight.

Babita, who?

Babita, who?

Babita Kumari!

Your Mrs.

My sister-in-law.

The one who'll enter this house with bridal bells on her feet.

The one who'll feed your children.

The one who'll have henna painted on her hands. Bauua Singh!

The irony of love!

Before I die, she has come to meet me. In person.

God is Great!

Don't rub any more inches off me.

Get the scooter out, Guddu.

Fill my brow with stars!

My beloved is here

Babita!

- Jeelu da... - Fast.

Madam called you two minutes ago.

Babita, costume is ready. Everything is ready. Now you...

Oh!

Did you bet?

I'll bet 500.

Call him.

He won't pick up.

I know his father too.

All cons.

Best of three.

The number you're trying to reach is currently busy.

How about the best of five, ma'am?

The number you're trying to reach...

Shall I call back?

OK. Let's try.

The customer you're calling is unavailable.

Can I come in?

Yes. No one's bathing.

Madam, shall we leave?

It's a 3-hour drive to Meerut.

Okay.

How much did I lose?

25,000. But you can pay 15,000.

Here. Go, get my bag. I'll pay the rest later.

It's already in the car. You please get ready.

- Shall we go? - Hello! Costume, make-up and hair.

Clothes done.

Hair done.

I'm so pretty. Don't need make-up.

Your love's fake.

I've seen how selfish you are.

Every day you get a new arm candy.

I am high on your betrayal.

Take a look here.

Stop going crazy.

Your love's fake.

I've seen how selfish you are.

Every day you get a new arm candy.

I am high on your betrayal.

Babita!

You go to god and tell...

That you swindle everyone,

There is a blame on you, come and listen.

SC *** you

You have defamed her, defamed her,

- Mfllhyourfakalova

She proposed to you.

I love you!

I love you too.

With your fake love

Babita, my love look at me once.

Bauua, faster.

- You want me to fly like a helicopter? - Step on it.

Move aside!

Bauua, where are you going?

- Are you following your mother? - No, your sister.

- Your daughter. - No, my sister-in-law.

Understand.

I'll teach you a lesson.

We'll get you.

Give him one.

- Don't flash your torch. Kick him. - Hold on.

- I can't see them. - They're behind us.

You blinded me in one eye when we were kids. Remember?

- I can't see. - Kick now!

- You. - Get off.

I paid for your mother's surgery...

...why follow my bride? You dog.

- IslhatAcchan? - Yes.

Here. Pay your father's bail.

Grab it. Get your sister married.

Grab it.

Watch it.

Guddu, there's still some jokers around.

Push them under the bus.

Guddu, hold on tight.

Pull the banner.

Got them all.

Stop the car.

- Pull over. - Babita, what are you doing?

What happened? What's going on?

Babita Kumari's car has stopped.

Her car?

She's coming out.

- Out? - Yes.

Guddu, she's calling me.

- God! But why? - How would I know Why?

Go!

Do you love me?

Do you love me?

Love you too.

I loved him.

But I guess all you men just have that...

...cheating gene in your DNA.

No, no...

I like you in shorts, I like you in jeans too.

Same, same.

- I want to kill all you bloody men. - No kill, Babitaji.

Already dead, dead.

Go back to your pathetic life...

...in your pathetic town and spend the rest of your life...

...telling everyone that Babita Kumari kissed you.

No one will believe you.

No one will ever believe you.

No one will ever believe me that I loved him so much.

So much that I'm crying for that pathetic man.

I'm crying for...

I hate myself.

I hate myself...

Babita.

- Bauua! - Come. Easy, easy.

Bauua.

You left me alone in the dark.

Where's Bauua? Has she taken him away?

Guddu.

Babita kissed me.

Your mother never kissed your father. Why would Babita kiss you?

I swear!

She kissed me passionately. The kiss lasted three seconds.

0 people of the world!

You have never respected me.

“Look, there goes the dwarf, here comes the dwarf.“

Today Babita Kumari kissed the dwarf.

I'm going to sing a song.

- I'm going to sing a song. - God forgive us.

Don't say such crazy things, Your Majesty.

You're marrying tomorrow.

Maybe it's given you a brain haemorrhage.

It happens before a wedding. Let's go.

Let me sing first.

We're on our way. The boy looks nice in his photo.

He has cute dimples. What does he do?

His father owns a big business.

But, Papa...

...he's a little short.

So what?

Your granddad was only 5 '6".

But what a gem.

- Is he tall enough to reach you? - Yes, he does.

Come, my beloved, let us meet in the moonlight

SeebgyouMewldemesswllum

In this rain-soaked night...

"I'll walk this road." My foot.

Guddu, I don't want to get married.

I'm not ready.

Enough, Ashok!

Is this a joke?

You said he was short, but this short?

You call this short?

Pritpal, do you call this "short?"

- He's a dwarf. - A dwarf!

You're a top scientist and you want to marry him?

A dwarf?

I'm hardly a Cinderella, Papa.

What can I do if I'm in love with a dwarf?

You've fallen for a school dropout?

Should I have checked his school certificate first?

I don't have to send him to Mars, Mummy.

Papa.

This is the first time I've met someone...

...who sees me, not my wheelchair.

He talks to me like a human being.

He doesn't think:

"How does one talk to a disabled girl?“

He treats me like a normal girl.

- He doesn't pity me, Papa. - Pity!

A dwarf pitying you?

Enough! Are you marrying him? Or am I?

Papa.

OK. Now I want to see everyone having a good time here.

- DJ! - Yes ma'am.

Let's have a Pashto song.

What's Pashto?

- Then play an English song. - Don't have any English songs.

Play a song in any language.

An Afghani song then?

Go on, play!

Oh Papa, remember this song?

Duffer!

Let me ward off the evil eye...

- ...or you might die. - Get lost.

Your family duped you.

The post office played a trick too.

What's this?

Remember you enrolled for the Babita dance contest? You're in.

What...

Now dance.

I'll say a prayer in your name...

Be it day or night...

- It's nice and cool outside. - Bauua, come inside.

- Bauua. - What?

- Congratulations! - Fine. Fine.

These notes aren't fake. Give them to me later.

I think you should take him to America.

- What's up? - I...Uncle?

Go on. You can talk to uncle.

Uncle, where's the toilet?

Do it anywhere.

Go ahead.

He pees in small amounts.

Take him to the US. Charge people to see him.

Come this side.

Come on.

Come on. What are you doing?

[indistinct chatter]

Come on.

Hello! Hello!

Aunty!

Aunty!

- How are you related? - Her aunt.

Okay, you stay.

- And you? - Her father's brother's...

Out. Anyone who doesn't know how they're related must go.

"Her father's so-and-so..." etc won't do. All out!

Kids, go outside.

What are you doing, Bauua?

What I'm about to say, and what you're about to hear...

...only your close relatives...

...will be of help to you.

In romance there comes 10 seconds when a man says: "Let's marry."

You and my father didn't give me those 10 seconds.

You visited our house. 2 days later it's done.

The sangeet in 3 days. All Meerut at my wedding in 4.

Now I stand before you, a bridegroom.

Are you proposing now?

Proposing? I'm talking about opposing, Aafia.

I'm like the cuckoo.

I can't build my own nest.

I lay eggs in the nests of other birds.

All this, this wedding...

My hands are tied.

I really can't.

You're an American. Why did you agree to marry me?

I took you for a modern girl. You drink and all.

But...

How come you suddenly became the traditional wife?

You'll look odd fasting for the health of your husband.

Come here.

How old are you, Bauua?

38!

- Meaning? - 39.

In all these 38 years...

...have you found anyone besides me...

...whom you could look in the eye and talk to?

Everyone towers over you.

How long will you crane your neck?

When you can look at me straight in the eye. And me you.

We're made for each other.

Why be a cuckoo at your age, Bauua?

Build your own nest.

Don't, Aafia. Don't.

My heart can hear you.

But my heart does not hear you.

Control both your hearts.

Have a drink if you need to.

Go and sit in the groom's chair.

Don't be scared.

The operation will be over before you know it.

But if there's something else, tell me.

What is this?

I've been selected for a dance contest.

The winner meets Babita Kumari.

So?

You've hardly been selected to an Ivy League college.

Babita Kumari kissed me yesterday.

Look at your height, Bauua.

If Babita kissed you...

...then I'm carrying Leonardo DiCaprio's child.

You've ruined my make-up. Go!

You know...

I was born a cuckoo...

...I'll die as one.

Don't be sad.

I'll run away.

I'll run away.

I'll run away.

"I'll run away." As if!

Go, wait outside.

Go, wait outside.

Small chap, sit down!

No, brother.

I'm not staying. No.

- Shall I show you a magic trick? - What trick?

- Can you count? - Yes.

- So count...one - One...

- Two... - Two...

- Three. .. - Three...

Where are you going?

Stop!

Damn you, people of Meerut!

Get lost.

Stop!

He is gone.

Where to, mister?

...you'll belong to me

A man is basically 4'6".

Anything above that is arrogance.

Babita made me arrogant by kissing me.

Now I'm a six-footer.

I've left behind my family, friends and Aafia.

But Bauua Singh would never leave behind his courage.

Bauua Singh has won five dance rounds...

...by defeating his rivals and winning their hearts.

He's through the semi-finals...

...and now Bauua Singh comes for the grand finale of the show.

He will now have to dance against two contestants.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...please welcome Ganesh Acharya...

...and Remo D'Souza.

Whether Bauua Singh wins or loses will be decided by...

myfriends. I present to you...

...the glory of “Dabangg,” the life of "Tiger"...

...Salman Khan!

Towers over all others.

I drank the nectar of love...

...and lost all sense of reason

I am the great lover...

...let no one come in my way

The look in her eyes makes my head spin

Since she became mine...

...the world seems full of lovers

I swear

By God

My heart has been taken over by love

My heart has been taken over by love

How would you know...

...where the bird of love flies in the sky?

My love is like a shadow...

...falling wherever it pleases

Love pierces your heart with the sharpest dagger

When the pain increases...

...then living life is more pleasurable

Our meeting is so unique

Our meeting is so unique

He's a wave, I am water

You are the river. I am the shore. The waves roll my way

My heart has been taken over by love

I love her deeply

She loves me deeply

I can't live without her

She's incomplete without me

I'll make her turn away from you

You may be her yes-man, but she won't listen to you

She has so many admirers, how could she care for you?

You're not tall enough to have big dreams

You've become too big for your boots

You're a crazy Indian, she's a foreign fairy

For me only love counts...

...that's why I'm an Indian lad, and she's a foreign lass

You've won my heart with your words

Let's be friends, let's shake hands

Let's be friends,

Let's shake hands

Once more! Once more...!

Once more! Once more...!

Aafia!

Babita!

Babita!

OK, listen, I'm here.

Call you later. Bye.

Mind your strap, babe!

Sweetheart, that's why they come to see me.

Babita Kumari can't control herself. Or her clothes.

"Wardrobe malfunction at her own party!"

Let them enjoy!

"Your eyes are full of pain."

Excuse me?

Did he say that to you?

"I have a complaint.

"Why haven't we met before?"

Did he tell you?

Tell me.

Did he ask you to sit on his lap?

- What are you doing, babes? - Let go!

Stop it.

Vinod, get me a drink.

Let's go.

One fine day he just got bald.

But he looks so funny bald!

- Hi, ma'am. - How are you?

"Four lamps always burning at your alter."

"And I am the fifth..."

Hurry, Bauua. Madam is on her way.

- What is this? - Hurry up.

- Keep moving. - Let me finish eating.

There she is.

Bring her here.

Another tacky party.

You are drinking.

You must meet him.

- What is it? Who must I meet? - The winner of the dance contest.

Don't worry.

You look fine.

Hi. Babita Kumari.

Bauua Singh from Meerut, Uttar Pradesh.

Have we met before? You look familiar.

I've known you for 15 years.

Yes, we've met. In Meerut.

Don't remember.

Congratulations on winning the dance competition.

Keep watching my films.

[background music]

Was I drunk in Meerut?

Not that drunk.

Did I kiss you?

No way! Meerut guys aren't that lucky.

I do crazy things when I'm drunk.

Good.

It's all good.

Ladies and gentlemen!

You're all such important people.

You have travelled the world and seen so much.

But it's the first time you'll see...

...a dwarf plucking stars from the sky.

This boy's not on my team.

If he messes up, don't cut my share.

- Ijustplaythermsic.

OK. Start!

Come, madam, let me show you magic.

Ladies, gather round. The show is for you.

Come, ladies.

I've always encouraged new talent.

Show us your star-plucking.

You recognise talent.

Talent knows talent.

I'll show you some magic.

Let's see your magic.

Kajol! Hi!

Wait for us.

Hey you...

Srideviji, you look wonderful.

Some guy here is promising to pluck stars like you!

You're a newly-wed.

My gift to you. Watch the stars fall.

Ready.

Do you think he can do it?

Long live the Goddess!

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Come on! What's going on?

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Its happening.

It takes time.

Take your time.

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Come on!

- This is a new city, that's why. - Maybe they've fallen in Meerut.

Forget Meerut. I can do it here.

Just watch. Ten...nine...eight...zero.

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Ten...nine...eight..zero.

Let it be.

You're not that talented.

Madam, give me another minute.

- Maybe next time. - Please wait.

You haven't take a selfie. Take one.

- What's 'oul, out“?

Why are you laughing?

It's fine. Next time.

I'm going tomorrow.

- The moon. - The moon?

- Tried the moon? - Only the stars...

Your wedding is over.

But...

Ten...nine...eight...

What's wrong?

First time you've been humiliated in public?

Is that why you're sad?

Bauua Singh from Meerut, U.P.

The stars used to listen to me, Babita.

I don't know what's wrong.

Of course they listen.

Whose heart did you break, Shorty?

Yours or hers...

...or all the hearts in Meerut?

Correct?

They're only stars, Shorty.

That naughty used to say if I just looked at him...

...the ground would slip away.

Rubbish!

I can't even put down this wine glass.

It's been two months and it's still glued to my hand.

Shorty, when a heart breaks even a wretched dog doesn't hear it.

At least your stars have dignity.

Wow!

Now that's a good line!

Shall I walk you out?

Is someone like you going to walk out on me too?

I've left the world for you.

Just say the word. I'll stay glued to you forever.

Say something new.

That's a line from my old film.

You're broken hearted.

Keep me by your side, I'll amuse you.

I'll make you laugh at least 25 times a day. Promise.

Laughing isn't all I want. It's not important.

Then, I will not laugh.

I can advise you on what to wear; the matching lipstick.

I already pay ten people to do that.

If you're that smart, why is your heart broken so often?

Babita, you understand the world but not people.

And you do?

I can tell the annual budget just by looking at the Finance Minister!

My specialty!

That's useful.

Let me decide if I want you glued to me.

Come to the shoot tomorrow.

- And this director? - An idiot.

- That one? - Shrewd, a sharpie.

Hi!

Is she a friend or foe?

Neither.

She couldn't care less if you lived or died.

The gangsters are circling the heroine.

And him?

Why does he take my breath away?

Because he's a pillow girls love smothering their faces in.

He pretends to be a poet. Misunderstood by the world.

- But he's a mother...! - Enough.

Listen.

Ma'am, shot's ready.

The shot's ready.

Not ready, son. It's a wrap.

Let's go.

It's a wrap!

Bauua, want a drink?

What's today? Wednesday?

OK, I'll drink.

Come. Close the door.

I'm plain unlucky. Falling in love with a mother...l

Enough! Let's throw up together.

It's coming.

There comes the corn!

In Uttar Pradesh, people think you're an angel.

That you sprout wings behind closed doors.

Your name may not matter to you here, but keep your honour in my town.

Get over that man.

He's a cheap guava...

...and you're a pricey Kashmiri apple.

I mean it.

You're right.

A pricey...

...Kashmiri apple.

With Wings!

Come on.

Action!

Do you have a large family?

All Meerut belongs to me!

At home there's Ma, Papa, my younger brother, his wife and...

- AndAafla.

Aafia? Who's Aafia?

This fantastic girl.

Good thing the Goddess put her in a wheelchair...

...or she'd be flying in the air.

She's as honest as I'm dishonest.

She was the only one, apart from my mother, who loved me.

I ran away, leaving her in tears.

Why? Did a mad dog bite you?

Not a dog. My dishonesty bit me.

Then one night India's queen kissed me.

Want a slap? Move your foot!

You've got long legs...please.

So you forgot Aafia?

Don't you miss her? Why are you here?

Because of you.

I do miss her...

...but I scold myself and say, "I don't miss her."

How long will you keep scolding yourself?

Do you know why I've kept you?

Because I'm so cute. All the girls fall for me.

They love my dimples.

Cute!

- Think I don't know that? - So, why?

Because my parents were dwarves.

Dwarves?

They looked fine in the Google photo. You're kidding.

They aren't my real parents.

I met them outside a temple.

My parents were dwarves.

They worked in a circus in Kolkata.

My mother was bought from a Russian circus.

And my father was a Punjabi. Both dwarves.

Amazing.

Papa was a lion tamer, Mummy a trapeze artist.

Then?

They fell deeply in love with each other. They got married.

When my mother was pregnant...

...the circus-owner's daughter fell in love with Papa.

- Was she a dwarf? - No, she was normal.

She seduced Papa, so he dumped my mother and they eloped.

- Then? - They say she took him to Belarus.

They were together for a while then she dumped Papa.

I heard...

...she fell in love with a Prince from Madagascar.

Then?

She sold father in an Egyptian market.

Good heavens. Then?

He worked in a circus in Egypt for ten years.

Then he ran away to Yemen...

...and worked in an oil well.

People who knew him said...

...he loved my mother till the end.

When he died he had a smile on his lips and my mother's name...

...AIina.

He loved her! Utter rubbish!

Why didn't he go back to your mother?

She was dead by then.

When did she die?

By the time he returned to Kolkata, 20 years later...

...she was already dead.

Why didn't he go back to her sooner? To Alina?

My mother had remarried by then.

To a dwarf?

No, he was normal.

Must they all marry normal people?

- When did she remarry? - 6 years after Papa...

...had left, I guess.

Why didn't he return to Alina in all those years?

If he loved her, surely he would have gone back.

He should've.

Why didn't he?

You tell me.

When people love each other why don't they stay together?

Tell me.

Stop the car. I have to pee.

I must pee.

Sorry, madam. But your mother lives on 12th Road in Bandra.

But he doesn't know that!

I was narrating the story of my next film. How is it?

It's a horror, madam, but very good.

Today we're filming the most important scene.

She's made us wait two hours. Bauua, persuade her to come.

I'll go and check.

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

OK, hon.

I'll call you this evening.

Hey, buddy.

He begged me to forgive him. He said he'd never do it again.

He loves me. Everyone makes mistake.

How does this work?

[Chanting prayer]

Cut it!

Hello?

- Your girlfriend's robot isn't working. - It's not a robot. It's a rover.

It's called Velocity.

It takes photographs and digs on Mars.

Sweetheart! You've become a scientist like Abdul Kalam.

Aafia built it.

Either you're blind or I am.

You're in love with Aafia. You just can't see it.

I see it clearly.

Wow! It's looking so nice.

If you know it, why are you back here?

Your lover ran away too.

Yes. But he came back.

He won't leave you again, will he?

Stay with him.

Let's see if your love story becomes the stuff of legends.

You bolted. Some love story!

What has running or staying got to do with love?

Even my lust is truer than other people's love.

So you admit you love her?

Did I say I didn't?

In 38 years... 39...

...she was the only girl I could look in the eye and talk to.

They all towered over me. I had to crane my neck.

We could look each other straight in the eye.

If I'd stayed, we would've been a perfect match.

Those are her lines.

And yours?

My line? "I love you."

Forget it! Stop lying.

- Why don't you lie sometimes? - You won't go back to her?

You won't let me, will you?

Go!

I'm not stopping you.

Send me back.

For God's sake. Push me away.

For the sake of your lover, that dog Aditya Kapoor.

Please.

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday, dear Babita!

Let me through.

He's a cheat.

I saw him kissing that girl.

What the hell! He's lying, Babita.

Me? Lying?

Admit it! Weren't you kissing him in the kitchen?

That was my boyfriend. I wasn't kissing Aditya.

Same thing. Everyone is kissing someone.

He kissed her, she kissed him.

She kissed me, I kissed her.

These two guys kissed that girl and she kissed someone else.

I didn't expect this of you.

I swear, by God!

Bauua Singh ran away for love.

Honestly.

If he's come back, it's not for love. He's conning you.

Babita, how do you bear this guy?

- For ten months, he's... - Shut up!

What did you bring for Babita?

This silly ring? How much was it?

A million rupees? Two million?

Let me show you what I've brought her.

Look!

Only for Babita. Diamonds.

A locket.

A chain.

A chocolate.

A birthday card.

Look.

A ribbon.

A hair clip.

An Aadhar ID card.

Why are you laughing?

What did you bring? You've brought her a crappy ring.

A nasty little ring.

A mean little ring.

- Enough! - Leave my hand.

- Get out from here! - Your nasty ring.

Lover boy! Listen to me.

Just arrived? The party's over.

You lot come here all dolled up, looking for fun.

You'll drink, you'll blow air kisses.

You love to party.

- Get out! - While I love spoiling them.

Get out! What did you think?

If I bothered to talk to you, you'd become special for me?

I spoil you rotten and you exploit me?

- Get out! - Humiliate me some more.

Or else I'll never leave. Humiliate me some more.

- You're a zero, Bauua Singh! - Humiliate me more.

You're nothing. You have zero status. Your wheelchair girl is zero.

You'll achieve nothing.

Be with her but you'll still be zero.

- Don't hold back, Babita. - Go home, Bauua.

This time tell the people of Meerut that...

...Babita Kumari kicked you out of her house.

Your wheelchair girl didn't believe I kissed you...

...but she'll believe I threw you out.

- You're nearly there. A little more. - I'm done with you.

Want to be disgraced some more? Go jump in the lake. Out!

Done?

Thank you, Babita.

Who's the celebrity?

Thank you, fans.

Sir...sir...

Hello, everyone. Party's over.

DJ! Stop the music!

Put all the plates, glasses and bottles...

...in the kitchen.

Hey, Aunty! Wake up. Very good.

What are you waiting for?

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

Mr. Kapoor...

- ...did you drive here? - Yes, why?

You'd better go.

Leave your glass in the sink.

Take her with you.

Baby wants to party some more.

What are you up to?

I'm asking you to get out. Politely.

Should I say it some other way?

You know another way?

Who do you think you are?

An angel!

I sprout wings behind closed doors.

I can't break every heart in this country for your sake.

Hello.

Guddu, where are you?

As far as I remember you ran off a year ago. I'm still here.

- Want to go to America? - Muslims get visas? Take me then.

Done. Bring my passport with you and meet me in Mumbai.

OK.

- Listen. - Yes?

Bro...

...the bride for me? She's the previous girl.

Yes.

Aafia!

- Bablu, what's that dye? - Henna.

Forget the henna. Make me blonde.

Full blonde!

- Bauua Singh? - Present.

They want to take my photo.

Look here, please.

Whoever we choose...

...will be asleep on his journey to Mars.

Believe me, this will be so simple...

...that we can even prepare a chimpanzee to do this.

And that's exactly what we've done.

You think this is a joke.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present...

"Jndya.

Come, come.

Come, come.

- Hope you're not scared, Guddu? - Why should I be?

They didn't arrest me at the airport.

Can they arrest me here?

Forget them. You're scared of seeing Aafia again.

Why would I be scared? You should be.

Who ran after Babita? Me? Or you?

It'll be fine. I'll make it all right.

How long can Aafia be mad at me? 10, 15, 30 minutes?

Long live the Goddess!

What's that?

Fake tears?

It's love.

Do they bottle love now?

Indya has an experience of over two hundred hours...

...working underwater on a module of an international space station.

He can endure the zero G pressure as much as our working astronauts.

He's fully trained to drive a vehicle on the Martian surface.

And the best part is Indya loves sleeping.

What she's saying?

- Something about Mars. - Is she an astrologer?

...a monkey is a better idea...

...than getting extinct and starting from a chimp again!

Indya,no.

- What's going on? - The monkey's gone nuts.

Indya,no.

Stop!

Indya,no.

If you promise to stay by my side...

...I will sing lovely songs to you

If you look at me and smile...

I will...

- What was that? - A gunshot.

- Who fired? - Aafla.

- How? - She has a gun.

- She's just scaring me. - Scaring you?

Her hands shake. That's Why you're alive.

We mustn't be scared. We must be brave.

We? You must.

I paid Club Class for you to sightsee?

Come on get up. Go ahead.

Careful. She has five bullets left.

- You blind bat! I know how to count. - Get up!

I saw you...

...and my eyes refused to turn away

How you've changed, Aafia.

Want a slap?

How dare you come here? Get out!

Out!

I don't need permission to meet my Wife, Papa.

Papa?

Ismail, throw this fellow out.

Don't touch me.

Stop! I am holding a baby.

Get back, Ismail. Let me talk to her.

Let me talk to her.

Aafia, I made a mistake. Forgive me.

I'm not a cuckoo. I'm a crow.

Forgive me.

I will caw around you all my life.

But you didn't stop me at our wedding. You laughed at me.

- Shall I... - Wait.

This kid's life is in my hands.

See that baby.

- Not "see." It's "look" at that baby. - Look at that baby, swine.

She's your baby.

Aafia's daughter.

Is she like Aafla?

Or me?

So how can she be ours?

Stop!

Baaua.

Let him go.

A perfect half dream...

...once came to me

Like a tear of happiness

Falling from my eyelid

O God, have mercy on me

My shadow seems cross with me

Knowingly, unknowingly

I find myself alone again and again

Loneliness has no bounds

I find myself alone again and again

Loneliness has no bounds

My eyes do not moisten with drops of dew

I could not belong to myself. How could I belong to anyone?

The depths of my heart...

...seek the truth

Knowingly, unknowingly

I find myself alone again and again

Loneliness has no bounds

See the happy world while my heart is full of sorrow

See the happy world while my heart is full of sorrow

O unfaithful heart of mine...

...let us learn to be faithful

I will win her, make her mine...

...or sacrifice my life

My bad name foreshadows me

Knowingly, unknowingly

I call out to my beloved

I want to stay forever with you

I call out to my beloved

I want to stay forever with you

Being unfaithful did nothing for me

Let us see if faithfulness will befriend me

Life turned its back and walked away

Let us see if it returns to smile on me again

Losing everything is easy for me

Now I know how to regain what is lost

Come on, Guddu.

This is all my fault.

I'll beg her forgiveness. Oh, the doors are closed.

Brother! You with the specs!

Can I help you?

- The wheelchair girl who gave a speech... - Aafia?

Yes, Aafla. Has she left?

She's gone. I got here late.

Do you know her?

I'm her fiancé.

- Fancy? - Must be her cousin.

Can you tell me where I can find her?

Here's her card.

- Her card? - All the best, gentlemen.

Goodnight.

Fancy!

- Guddu, he doesn't look like her cousin. - You're right.

NSAR.

Guddu, our visa will expire while we're standing in line here.

Let's sneak in.

This isn't the Delhi-Meerut tollbooth. You can't sneak through.

Anyway, they think Muslims come here to plant bombs. We'll get whacked.

- What shall we do? - Ask this aunty.

- Shall I?

- Side, please. - My space...

- Madam... - Blind man coming.

We're middle-class Indians.

- Are you Indian? - No, lower middle-class British.

- Quit India! - The Kohinoor?

We'll tax you double.

What do you want? I speak Hindi. So talk Hindi.

Oh! Why this crowd?

NSAR selects 7 people every 3 years for their space programme.

They want to see if a human can survive in space.

- Understand “space?" - You mean "pace?"

- Beyond the sky. Up there. - Oh, that space!

- Can a man survive there? - Okay. Okay.

There's 6 months of tests.

Today's the first selection round. You get paid too!

- You're in the right place. - We've come to see Miss Aafla.

She works here.

She approves the candidates. References don't work.

- But shortcuts will! - Bauua Singh.

- Who is Bauua Singh? - Present!

- Here you go, sir. - Blind man coming.

- Blind man. - That way?

That way?

- You've got the pass? - D'you see this?

- We've got the pass. - Aafia knows us.

What's wrong?

What's this?

Where is Aafla? I want to see her, please!

- I want to see her. - What's wrong?

- You need to leave the premises. - Let me go, please.

Let me go. One minute.

Aafia is getting married.

Let him in.

Sir, we're sending you inside.

- Yes, yes. - Let us go. We won't come back.

Hey, come on. Let's go.

Aafia?

I just wanted to apologies.

I swear by the Goddess. I knew nothing about the child.

What's this invite?

Why are you marrying someone else when you love me?

You may not love me anymore, but I still love you.

Aafia, you were right when you said we were made for each other.

We're a match made...

Stop barking and listen to me.

Now we're truly equals, Bauua.

We could talk eye to eye, that's all. I've stooped to your level.

Your arrogant ways, your status, your class.

"I didn't know about the child, Aafla." Do you think I knew?

When I came to your house...

...I came to tell you not to be nervous, Bauua.

If I liked you, it was my problem.

You wanted to change your phone number, fine!

But your father said: "Fix the wedding date...

"...fix the wedding date."

Go away, Bauua.

There's nothing left of Aafla.

Did you think...

...I came all this way looking for you...

...only to leave again?

So you're trying it on?

You may be brave, but you have no feelings.

Hey, middle-class Indian!

Why are you looking miserable?

Well? Your shortcut didn't work?

Want my help?

[indistinct chatter]

- How old are you? - What's age? I'm 38. 39.

And you?

The quarrel between you and me...

...is an empty quarrel

All lovers argue, so you're mad at me...

...for a fleeting moment

- ThesmelofgasremlndsmeofMeemL - Yep.

I'm all around you...

...so how can we never speak?

Though you look at me with different eyes...

...my feelings are unchanged

Come what may, I'll never let you go

Come What may, I 7! never let you go

I'll belong to you alone

You can never get mad at me

The quarrel between you and me...

...is an empty quarrel

All lovers argue, so you're mad at me...

...for a fleeting moment

I'll smile to lessen my sadness...

...though my smiles seem false to me

Every day I'm filled with fear...

...that you may break my heart by mistake

No matter how you treat me...

...it will feel like love to me

Not knowing my boundaries has always been my way

Being alone is not easy

Loneliness is hard to endure

My name so longs...

...to be united with yours

Come what may, I'll never let you go

Come what may, I'll never let you go

I'll belong to you alone

You can never get mad at me

The quarrel between you and me...

...is an empty quarrel

All lovers argue, so you're mad at me...

...for a fleeting moment

I like this Bauua Singh. Mr. Shorty is good.

He's small but resilient.

He's only passed his 10th grade, Srini.

Sorry, I forgot your chimpanzee graduated from MIT.

We don't need an astronaut.

He has to sleep all the way to Mars and back.

We just need someone who'll take the risk.

Aafia, I haven't figured out if you love or hate this shorty.

But trust me, a man at my age, I couldn't care less.

I don't have anything in my life beside this project and your brains, Aafia.

I don't know about you.

Yeah, fine.

I don't understand.

Srini...

...I feel angry all of a sudden.

And I feel like crying too.

I am going to go now.

I'll see you at the office.

- Are you OK? - Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you.

Are you angry with me?

You're the one who's angry. I'm trying to make it up to you.

Do you love me?

What do you think?

You love me a lot.

Do you love me?

Will you do something for me?

Anything.

Go away.

Let me attend your wedding first.

Then I'll go.

Run away, Bauua.

You're so good at running.

Break my heart then. Like you've been doing.

You'll die, you dog!

Then watch me die.

I'll watch.

The Mission Mars team is impressed by your performance, Bauua.

Your reports are amazing.

So's your endurance.

You have a high pain threshold. You're sharp.

Applied intelligence is excellent.

The team says ideally...

...they would need a man like you for the mission, not a monkey.

I agree with them.

But you'd be risking your life.

It wouldn't matter to you because you love me.

That poor monkey is so attached to his family.

While the very thought of your family makes you uncomfortable.

The rocket's very safe, Bauua.

But I'll pray it crashes on re-entry.

Oh, I see.

Is that how you'll get rid of me?

Scare me away.

You can't bear marrying anyone else when I'm around.

Admit it!

Go on.

OK, I'll do it for you.

Who knows where you're sending me or what you're asking.

But on the day it happens...

...make sure you get married.

Bauua Singh isn't running this time.

The words you just said, you'll forget them all...

...when you're in the shuttle travelling at 30,000kmph.

The second you hear the noise it makes, you'll make a run for it.

When they count...

- 10...9...8...7...6... - Hello!

When I was even shorter, I could count backwards.

5...4...3...2...1...zero.

Launch me in your rocket!

Did a star fall?

At last!

God bless the stars!

Let anyone try to stop Bauua Singh now.

What happened? Did those two patch up?

[regional language]

Your friend will go to Mars.

Where?

The planet Mars.

Does he know that?

I hope so.

God forgive us!

We were sending him to Mars...

...but now we're sending Bauua Singh instead.

But sister-in-law, if Bauua goes to Mars...

...who will I take with me back to Meerut, this chimp.

He has no one out here except for you.

So you'll have to be his guardian.

You must sign papers statin..

...that if anything happens to him during this mission...

...then we cannot be held accountable.

Understood.

What do you mean?

Well, for starters he can die.

God forgive us! The punishment for running away from his wedding can't be death.

He's a little guy, who couldn't achieve anything big on Earth...

...what does he stand to achieve on Mars?

He's no use to you. Please stop him.

Stop the Charade.

And anyway, he's going to run away eventually.

So let him do it now.

It's will save our money.

You talk to him.

He's not listening to me. But he will listen to you.

I am busy with my wedding.

How long do you think will it take to say "Stop Bauua"?

A lot.

And then, there's my engagement tomorrow.

Then the musical nite, followed by some more functions.

Then I've an appointment at the parlor, the wedding dress trial as well.

So I am very busy.

Sign that.

You know what.

...meet him between the beauty parlor appointment and the tailor.

Sign. Gud...du...

What do you eat?

Practically anything, As long as it's Halal (Holy).

Bauua, what's going on? The whites are applauding.

We're from Meerut, Bauua! We dunk biscuits in our tea.

What do we care about rockets? Or Mars?

Isn't Mars a faraway planet? It's not a place to go sightseeing.

Wake up! Mars is not Saharanpur from where you can sprint.

It's Mars!

She won't let me go.

I've seen the look in her eyes.

She can't do it. The girl will stop me.

We are on the verge of a very big mission.

And tomorrow we decide when this decade-long dream becomes a reality.

We sign off on the take-off date.

The next 48 hours are crucial.

Once it reaches Mars, the gravity of Mars will slow it down...

...and finally we'll enter in orbit around Mars...

...but the orbit will be elliptical.

NSAR is the world's most reputed institution...

...they have surprised everyone by sending Bauua Singh to Mars...

...instead of a chimpanzee.

Bauua Singh is from Meerut in India.

The amazing thing is Bauua Singh is not very educated nor does he speak English.

This launch is a huge opportunity to learn about...

...the potential of life beyond our planet...

...with the ultimate aim of becoming...

...a mum-Nana spades.

[indistinct announcement]

[indistinct announcement]

[indistinct announcement]

[indistinct announcement]

- You can't stay here for the launch. - Why not?

Because we'll be getting married.

Are your calculations right?

100 percent.

[sanskrit chants]

[sanskrit chants]

Are you crying?

- What? - You're crying.

- You're nuts. - You're crying.

- Don't talk nonsense. - You're crying.

[sanskrit chants]

Hello? Yeah, go ahead.

Doesn't matter.

OK. Copy that. Thank you.

We're heading towards propulsion.

...how long does it take to travel 1.2 miles at 5.8mph?

12.9 minutes.

It's only right I say goodbye.

- Its clear way. - Okay.

Checking. All good.

Okay.

Could I talk to him for a minute, please?

All systems ready.

Standing by.

You didn't run, Bauua.

If I didn't win you...

...let me bring glory to my country.

What do you care about the country?

You're dying for the sake of love.

If you were near me...

...I'd kiss you.

I'd do the same.

I'll wait for you, Bauua.

What if I don't come back?

I'll find someone your height.

T-2 minutes and counting.

Yes.

If I'd asked you to, would you have stayed?

Flight control, give me a go, no go for launch.

Go for launch.

- Surge in. - We are go.

- Network.

- Recovery. - Go for launch.

- Capcom. - We are go for launch.

Flight control, we are go for launch.

[indistinct announcement]

Bye, Bauua.

Six, five, four, three...

...two, one, zero.

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

I kissed him.

There were so many amazing things about my story.

It was like a dream.

It wasn't amazing that...

...so many tears and smiles, so much love amount only to...

...a trail of smoke in the sky.

The amazing thing is that we know this, yet we still fall in love.

It was not a surprise that I should cry when Bauua left.

The amazing thing was that he didn't run. The joy of that fact dried my tears.

It wasn't amazing that an unknown 4'6" man from Meerut...

...was sent in a rocket to a planet so very far away.

The amazing thing was that he convinced over a billion people...

...that he could do it.

It was not a surprise that Srini and I did not get married.

The amazing thing was after so much loathing I loved Bauua again.

The amazing thing wasn't that Bauua reached Mars.

The amazing thing was that he did not run away.

The amazing thing wasn't that, on re-entry, the shuttle...

...silently went missing.

The amazing thing was that I kept waiting for Bauua to return.

The amazing thing wasn't that...

...Bauua, rejected by the world, was even spat out by the sky.

One day, the Chinese Space Centre got a call. He was returning.

The amazing thing was it took 15 years for that phone to ring.

The amazing thing wasn't that Bauua Singh's shuttle...

...was re-entering towards the Arabian Sea...

...at a speed of 20,000kmph.

The amazing thing was 15 years had wrinkled many faces, honey...

...but the dimples on my face remained forever young. Right?

Long live...

...the Goddess!

A colour has no colour...

...Ifltdoesnotmamhmecolwr dyowlbs.

A fragrance has no fragrance...

...if it does not match the fragrance of your dark hair.

The world pales next to you

You can only be mine

Everyone can see it. I say this out loud:

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

I am your confusion. I am your solution

I'm a little stubborn

A little crazy too

How false are the clouds and spring showers

How false is offering a gift of flowers

Only you are real. Only I am real

My heart speaks the only truth

Etch your name on my heart with your lovely hands

Open your eyes to my love. Do I ask too much of you?

I say this out loud:

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as there's light in the world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

Forever you will sway in my loving arms

Like the earth sways in the arms of the sun

You will never be apart from me

Forever you will be a part of me

Shatter all my dreams if you wish

The shards of my dreams will still dream of you

You are my inspiration

I say this out loud:

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

As long as I live in this world...

...you'll belong to me

Your love's fake.

I've seen how selfish you are.

Every day you get a new arm candy.

I am high on your betrayal.

Your love's fake.

I've seen how selfish you are.

Every day you get a new arm candy.

I am high on your betrayal.

You go to god and tell...

That you swindle everyone,

There is a blame on you, come and listen.

You have defamed her, defamed her,

With your fake love

You have defamed her, defamed her,

With your fake love

You have defamed her, defamed her,

With your fake love