Original subtitles

Man: hey, Sid!

Hey, Hal.

- Quarterlies. - You're the only one who ever turns them in on time.

- Live to account for my expenditures. - Of course.

What's up?

Well, I've been thinking about this for a while now.

How to return a favour.

What, the stock tips?

No, that's..., that was my pleasure.

No, forget about it.

I'm not gonna forget about it, Sid. Come on.

Hey, it's changed my life,

and I just...

I would like to return the favour.

OK.

How would you like to take "The Project" for a little test spin?

I really don't think that's such a good idea. I mean...

I get caught.

It is the chance of a lifetime.

All the engineers have done it.

Look, I mean, I really do appreciate it.

That's very thoughtful. I just...

I just... don't think that's a good idea.

Sid, look, I mean this with all due respect, you know?

I see this young guy, who...

over-analyzes everything to the point that

well, he doesn't do anything. Come on.

OK, now you sound like my friend Deb.

How would I even get past security?

You know, I couldn't just walk right past.

I could walk right past?

That's not a problem.

Good night.

Hello Sid, it's me.

Returning those books I borrowed.

Deb!

It's me.

I'm not a burglar Deb. Look.

- Look. - It's me.

[NARRATOR] There is nothing wrong with your television

do not attempt to adjust the picture.

We are now controlling the transmission.

We control the horizontal

and the vertical.

We can deluge you with a thousand channels

or expand one single image to crystal clarity.

And beyond.

We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can conceive.

For the next hour...

we will control all that you see and hear.

You are about to experience the awe and mystery

which reaches from the deepest inner mind to...

The outer limits.

It is said that man is created in God's image.

But what happens when we alter that image?

Is our reflection the only thing that changes?

Oh, my gosh! This is amazing.

So, is this great or what?

No, honey, great is not the word.

Could you... turn around again?

It's so yummy. Ohh!

OK, um, now say something again.

Hey. I'm Sid.

This is amazing. I mean...

the image is impressive enough,

but the voice masking, it totally sells it.

I mean, I'd do you! God!

Here.

It's not that bad, is it?

No, not if you're into that

whole "caved-in chest, one nipple higher than the other" kind of thing.

Well, it's nice to know

you're as superficial as the rest of the world.

I'm just kidding, all right?

Look, you gotta show me how this thing works!

OK.

- You see this chip glued into my hair? - Yes.

It creates a holographic image

that conforms to my body.

Now the image enhancer is the control pad,

turns the chip on and off.

I hit a button, I get a new image.

It's like an electronic disguise.

Is that crazy?

This is amazing,

but how do you pick who you're going to be?

Well, you can use any of the images it comes with, right, or...

you can scan somebody,

store it,

and use it any time you want.

Well, what ones does it come with?

OK, well, there is...

Mr. Hunky.

Right that dude, then there is...

Oh, it must be nice.

I know. I'm gonna spend the entire day in the shower as her.

Him again.

I know, that's Hal.

That's the prototype of the guy who gave me this.

OK, so there's 2 drawbacks, right?

One is I more or less have to be the same size

as the person I'm disguising myself as.

Two, you can't make any super sudden movements,

so if I go like this or if I go like that

or that, OK, it leaves a kind of a... a...

an afterimage of the holographic arm

trying to catch up, so it gives it away.

OK, so we won't do

that when we take this baby out on the town.

Yeah, well, we're not going out on the town, so it's really not an issue.

Think about how much trouble we could get into.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm afraid of.

Afraid of?

Remind me again what planet you're from.

Oh, that's right. Trepidatia.

Which would make you Mr. Trepidatious!

I don't... well, I'll tell you, though,

I would like to meet Gail.

Gail, Gail right.

Gail from on-line Gail. This is perfect

You haven't sent her a picture or anything, right?

So go as Mr. Sock-in-the-pants.

No, I can't because I didn't describe him to her.

Who did you describe?

Heh. I described...

I described the best-looking guy I could think of.

You remember Chad?

Chad Warner? You know, rocket scientist from work.

Chad, Chad Warner.

Do I remember Chad Warner?

Ohh! I almost got in a cat fight with Gina Levitt

over who was gonna have the cubicle across from him when I worked at Veil-Tech.

And honey, let me tell you.

That was a view worth fighting for. Ohh!

Can you not do that to the pillow? That's disgusting.

Um. You know what? I'm gonna take this back to Hal before I really get in trouble.

What! No way! I'm not gonna let you do that.

I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna do you a favour Sid.

We're gonna take

your new toy on town,

we're gonna have a little fun with it,

and along the way I'm gonna snag Chad's image for you

so you can meet Gail. Sounds good?

All right. Well, while you're out doing that,

I'm gonna stay at home and I'm gonna

auto-erotically asphixiate myself,

because I feel much more comfortable with that.

So can you hook me up with your friend or not?

That much money, it's a little out of his league.

I'll see what I can do.

By the way, who do you like?

Denver.

Denver it is.

I'll have what he's having.

- Chad. - Deborah.

Well Deborah...

If you're half as beautiful in the buff

as you are right now,

I guess that'll make you 4 times as beautiful

with twice as many clothes.

That's the most algebraically correct line I've ever heard.

A brain and a bod.

What's a girl to do?

Are you buying?

Oh, I'm buying.

I'm definitely buying.

Ugh. It's not working.

Hold on, let me try something.

What? Did it work?

I think it worked.

Yeah, it, it...

definitely worked, in fact. Here.

See for yourself.

Chad's voice: Vow!

I'll say.

I'm gonna meet Gail.

Gail?

Sid?

Please, have a seat.

Thanks.

I mean, hi.

It's great to finally meet you, you know.

Just great.

You look great.

Great.

You know that... well...

I know we've been chatting on-line for 6 months now

Well, it's just feels like I'm talking to you for the first time.

We should've done this long ago.

I have a confession to make.

My name is not Sid.

It's Chad.

You know, never give out your real name over the internet.

I have a confession to make, too.

You know how you never sent me a picture of yourself?

I was... half expecting

a short, fat, balding guy to show up tonight.

Well, what if short...

fat, baldy had shown up?

I just wanted to meet the guy I love chatting with.

Oh, I have... a present for you.

Ohh! That is so sweet.

Oh, that's a little laptop.

It's wonderful,

and it has our screen names and everything. I love it.

Sid.

Oh, Hal. How are you doing?

Let me tell you something. That thing, that project is amazing.

You're a genius, man.

Any time, any time you want any investing advice you come to me, OK?

What's wrong?

I thought you knew.

What?

You got passed over again.

The promotions list. You're not on it.

Oh, not again.

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm...

I've got seniority. I mean, who the hell they give it to if not to me?

Chad.

Chad, they gave it to Chad? What, are they crazy?

I mean... the guy's an accounting nightmare.

Do you have any idea how many errors I find in that guy's reports?

The guy doesn't even have opposable thumbs.

I mean, do you realize how much more qualified I am than him?

I know you are. Look, Sid, I'm sorry

I had to be the one to come and tell you, but...

Yeah, I know. Yeah, thanks.

You OK?

Yeah, yeah. No, thanks, Hal.

All right.

Chad, drunkenly: And I want a bigger office.

I mean, if you're raising my pay by what...

$5 an hour? I want an office

at least as big as yours.

Right.

Warner, what the hell is wrong with you

coming in here piss drunk?

In fact, didn't your vacation start yesterday?

Go home and sober up!

Let me ask you something.

Why did you give me the promotion instead of...

you know, what's-his-name?

Sid, huh.

Why did you do that?

I don't know.

The job's hard enough without having to stare at Sid's face all day.

Well, did you ever consider the fact that I'm gonna have to look at you every morning?

I mean it sounds like I get the short, fat

balding end of the deal, don't you think?

Let me make it a little easier for you then, Warner.

You're fired.

Oh. Damn it!

Oh, God. It looks like you got the worst of it, man.

Yeah, well, uh, just forget it.

No, you're all soaked.

I can do it.

Honey, he's just trying to help.

Yeah, well, he can help by watching

where the hell he's going next time.

Jerk.

He didn't do anything.

You ran into him.

Hey, mind your own business, lady.

I didn't run into anybody.

Yes, you did. I saw you.

This is a $35 shirt.

Let's go. It's not worth getting into a fight over.

Hey, pal, you bumped into me.

I didn't bump into you.

You know, I was trying to be nice about it. But now...

Now, you're pissing me off.

Me too.

Is everybody nuts? I didn't do anything.

You know, you don't want me to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend, do you?

So do yourself a favour.

Walk away. Before I get mad!

Let's...

just go!

What a jerk?

Yeah, well, it was amazing.

The guy totally backed down.

I don't even know what happened.

I just kind of got in his face for the hell of it.

It was kind of a rush.

I was a tough guy.

Uh, yeah. Well, I hope that the, uh, the look...

...that doesn't belong to you is not going to your head.

Well, what about the look that doesn't belong to you?

Anyway, I was just doing what you told me to do.

I was loosening up, having a little fun.

Sims, party of 2, please.

Sir, I'm sorry. I think we were actually here

before they were.

No, they were here before you.

No. Actually, uh, see, it says Sid first.

And then Sims below, which is them.

So you'll get the next one, huh?

OK, I don't want the next one, OK?

I want this one, because we were here first.

- I don't see what the problem is. - Look!

You'll get the next one, capisce?

Sid, it's OK.

No, it's not OK. Hey, hey it's not OK.

Capisce? Who is this? The Godfather.

Let's just go.

Hey, I'm gonna get this kind of crap from a place that has margarita mondays.

Jesus.

Capisce?

Hey.

You can't be that thicklish. Big baby.

What else do you see?

Hmm. This line right here is your love life.

It's very active.

And...

the intersection of these two lines

you've met someone very special.

And...

this right here is...

Oh, I'm sorry. It kind of tickled.

Did you see that?

See what?

Your arm.

I didn't see anything.

All I see is you.

Idiot.

Loser.

You got passed over... again.

Ugly.

Loser.

Sid, Sid.

- What are you doing? - We need to talk.

I'm meeting... meeting Gail.

No. Why don't you tell me how Chad Warner got fired?

Oh, God. Where did you hear that?

I still talk to Don and Carol

from engineering.

They told me how Chad showed up drunk at work

after getting the promotion that you were up for and got himself canned.

You know what?

Mr. Cheekbones isn't gonna have any problem finding another job.

You know that promotion was supposed to go to me.

No. Don't try and justify this to me.

I can't believe this. What are you doing?

Now, you're siding with that fascist like everybody else. What's wrong with you?

It's bad enough

that I used him the way that I did,

and don't think my Catholic guilt

hasn't kicked in.

But now because you've become a jerk

and I helped you, jerk

The guy is out of a job.

You know what? You know what?

I don't feel bad for what I did, OK?

Look at Chad's life and look at mine.

What, your life is crap because he looks good?

Oh, God. Do you have any idea what it's like

to be Sid Camden, huh?

Do you? Do you? Do you?

I mean, when have I ever done anything like this before?

You know me.

This is the first time I've taken back what's mine.

You know what it was like in high school for me, right?

I mean, it's no different now. It isn't.

Come on. I love you, you know?

You're my only friend. I can't lose you.

You're not gonna lose me, but...

you can't run around chad-bashing anymore, OK?

- Hugs? - Yeah.

'cause it's really bad karma.

- All right. Oh that's her. - What. That's Gail?

I'm going to change the channel now, as it were.

I hate to fight and run, but...

Go.

You're the best.

- Hi. - Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

That's all right.

I'm sure we'll find a way for you to make it up to me.

Who was that?

Who?

That girl.

Oh, she's my friend Deb.

Chad?

How come you didn't call?

Amber. Remember?

At Sparkz the other night, you asked me for my number.

Thought you said you weren't seeing anyone.

Gail?

Gail. Wait a second.

I'm glad you got her number.

At least you didn't ruin our relationship for nothing.

She's the one who came up to me.

I threw it away. Listen?

I was just having a drink.

I mean, what do you want me to do,

just stop talking to people because we're going out?

Isn't that funny? That's what Derrick said.

You remember Derrick, my ex-fianc�.

Although, he was a little bit smarter than you,

because he screwed around on me for months, before I found out about it.

I'm not letting anyone...

anyone, do that to me again.

Gail, there's no one else, OK.

I should've known better.

Internet romance?

All of my friends told me there's gotta be...

something wrong with the guy.

Well, guess what

they were right.

Aren't you overreacting just a bit?

I mean, come on, Gail I know you're upset,

but I'm only gonna take so much, you know?

Go to hell.

Go to hell?

I'm the best thing you got going in your life, sweetheart.

Admit it. You get off on being seen with me.

You know, the way other women look at you?

You disgust me!

Gail.

Let me just have a drink.

What are you doing here?

I heard you were out of town for a while.

Yeah. I heard that myself.

I've been holding this for you.

What's this?

It's from my friend.

My friend Alan.

He was able to cover you, after all.

You remember?

The other night.

When you bet on Denver.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I remember.

I remember it well.

Hi Deb.

Sid?

I totally had you going.

Sid, what are you doing?

Well, I know how much

you relish taking the bus to work

but I thought maybe you'd like to go in style.

Whose car is that?

Mine.

Clothes too. See?

Where did you get all of this?

Apparently I made a bet on Denver.

Apparently?

Oh, I see. So, you mean Chad

made a bet on Denver.

Even after you told me you wouldn't do it again.

Sid, it doesn't work that way.

You don't just get to take over someone's life and ruin it.

What about me, huh?

I've been dumped on all my life.

Nobody seems to care about that.

Oh, please. You know what?

You've used that line once too often.

You know, I don't need your permission.

You have to take back that car and the clothes

and God knows whatever else is not yours.

You don't just take a car back, Deb.

You'd know that if you owned one.

Listen, I'm not gonna let you do this.

Take back this stuff right now

or what?

Or I'm gonna have to call Chad and tell him everything.

You better keep your big mouth shut, Deborah.

This is my life you're messing with, right?

I'm sorry. What? Who's messing with whose life?

Careful, Deb.

I haven't really been myself lately.

Sid. Hey Sid.

Hang on a second.

Hey, Hal.

I've been looking all over for you.

Oh, yeah? What's up?

Listen Sid. I, uh...

I'm gonna need the image enhancer back.

You what?

I need it back.

We're doing data recovery next week, so...

Can't you just say it was lost or damaged or something.

You know, I mean...

you have 20 of those things, don't you?

Sid?

What the hell is wrong with you?

You knew it was just a loan.

I mean, you knew you had to give it back, right?

That's one of the prototypes.

Oh, you are not doing anything illegal with it, are you?

Oh, no, no. I just...

I, I. You know...

Well, how 'bout just...

give me till the end of the week.

'cause I just... I just lost track of time.

I gotta tie up some loose ends, if that's cool.

Friday though, right?

Ok. Absolutely. No problem.

Thank you Hal.

Look, wait, wait, just...

I'm I'm I'm sorry. I'm you know.

I would never hurt you.

It's a little too late for that.

I know. I meant.

I meant physically. I just... um...I just

Uh... I was so upset, you know? It was stupid.

Sid, you grabbed me, ok. You went way over the line.

I know. I know. And I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry for letting it get so out of control. I really am.

You said they were doing field tests on your little happy, happy fun toy.

I'd say they found a major flaw.

You know what? Wait, I take that back.

Maybe it's not the device that's flawed.

Oh, I see. I see.

Ok, so I'm some sort of monster.

Is that it? I'm the monster?

You know, maybe you should look around, Deb

and you'll see who the real monster is.

What the hell's that supposed to mean?

Oh, come on, Deb.

I mean, you're not looking hard enough.

You know what I'll give you a little hint.

You too can have your theeth whiter, you know.

Or, or those perfect abs you've always wanted,

You know? Or get some breast implants.

Loose a little weight.

Or get rid of that unsightly mole.

Maybe I can get some hair plugs,

or get my teeth capped, or my tummy tucked,

or no, I'm sorry. Wait a minute. Hold on a second.

That's a terrible message, right?

'cause, 'cause we love you the way you are!

Just be yourself! Isn't that what we tell our kids?

That's what we tell 'em, but we don't mean it!

You know why? You know why we don't mean it?

Because we are too busy

running out and buying colored contact lenses

to mean it. You know?

That's the thing.

We don't want to be ourselves.

We hate ourselves! Do you understand that?

We just don't want to admit it,

and I admit it!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself.

You know the great thing about you, Deb?

Is you don't even need to hop aboard the bandwagon,

'cause you already aboard.

You just don't know it.

Goodbye Sid.

You know what? It happened to me,

and it happened to you.

You assumed another look,

and you jumped into bed with ol' Chad

just to get what you wanted, you know.

You would never have done that as plain ol' Deb!

Do you understand that? That's the danger

'cause the outside does affect the inside.

Yeah, and I admitted it.

It was a horrible thing to do

and I would never do anything like that again.

You're so self-righteous, you know?

You think, you and I are so different.

You wanna know what the big difference between you and me is.

Tell me.

I've admitted the lie, and you haven't,

and that's it.

God.

Hal, Hal wants the enhancer back.

Gail's not even talking to me.

And I can't... can't I can't lose

I can't lose my best friend, ok?

So please, please please, please.

Not this time.

Hypocrite!

OK.

I want to talk to you, man.

That's funny, 'cause I was actually just thinking about...

...how I'd like to talk to you.

You know, there's been talk

you know, rumors from people at work

that says you got your hands on a field tester, huh?

Oh, you want to keep it down, Chad.

Confidentiality clauses in our contracts

kind of forbid us from even talking about

Cut the crap, man!

I go away for a few days. I come back, and it's like

somebody's pretending to be me

taking money that's coming to me,

and getting me fired, huh?

Oh, Ok.

Ok what?

Oh, I get it. I get it. I get it.

So you think that somebody is me, right?

So let me ask you something, genius.

Where'd I get your image scanned from,

the corner store, or...

I don't know. That's the only thing that's kept me

from stomping you into the dirt before this.

I'm just kidding.

Hey come on.

What's one lousy job to you, you know?

All you gotta do is flash a smile, right?

And, you know, you got half a dozen offers

on your doorstep.

What?

Oh, come on. Come on, you know.

The door's always open for you, isn't it Chad?

I mean, I mean isn't it?

I mean, you ask for something, you get it.

You do something wrong, you're forgiven.

Who the hell do you think you are?

You don't know anything about me.

No, actually Chad I do.

I mean, I know you better than you know yourself.

I know you completely, Chad.

You know what I think?

I think you're avoiding the question.

And I know it was you,

and when I find out how you acquired my image

I'm gonna screw you twice as hard as you screwed me.

You got that!

O, do I get dinner and drinks before that,

How does that work?

Look!

The unemployment office is on

3rd and hayvenhurst

Son of a bitch!

Let's see what you are made of, huh?

You're nothing.

A pathetic nothing. You understand me?

Who's the loser now, huh?

Oh, god.

Hi, this is Deb.

Leave me a beep after the message.

Of all the times for you not to be home...

You're maybe the only one

who could talk me out of this.

Probably not, though.

I can't live like this anymore.

The last person

Sid Camden's ever gonna talk to is a machine.

That's pretty ironic.

A loser right to the end, you know?

They really should have better security, you know?

The midtown bridge, you know, there's...

nothing to stop anybody from just walking up

to the highest point on the bridge and doing something crazy, you know?

It's kind of like a...

It's kind of like an invit... it's kind of like an invitation.

I love you, Deb.

You're my only friend.

Goodbye Deb.

Goodbye Sid.

What time did you go to bed last night, Amber?

2:00.

2:00. Why so late?

Been doing a lot of thinking.

About?

About us. If I hadn't have run into you in the park,

you'd still be with that internet girl instead of me.

Must be fate.

What time will you be done today?

Well, the service is over at 11:00.

How about I swing by and pick you up around 12:30, 1:00?

It's a date.

Who's the memorial for again?

The name was...

It doesn't matter what his name was. Just a guy I used to work with.

So sad. They never found his body?

You know what?

It's gonna depress you. I really don't wanna talk about it.

Uh, I'll see you in a couple of hours.

OK.

I love you.

I love you too.

Deb: Again, I want to thank you all for coming.

Sid had no family

so I'm sure he'd be happy that you all showed up.

Sid didn't have a lot of close friends, either,

and that's too bad.

Because he was at his heart

a very good person.

Sid felt that life kind of dealt him a rough hand

and in some ways, I have to agree with him.

It's not easy to see sometimes

the things that we do to each other...

The things that don't always show on the surface.

And because it takes so much time

to get a good look at the inside,

sometimes all we do is judge from the outside.

And it's really easy to misjudge that way.

I guess that's...

that's pretty much what I want to say.

And that I miss you Sid.

And, um...

I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you.

Thanks.

Chad?

Chad Warner?

I'm, I'm Deborah Clement.

I used to work at Veil-Tech.

Yeah. You look familiar.

I like what you said up there.

Thanks.

Do you mind... Can I talk to you for a minute?

It's about Sid.

Sure.

'cause like I mentioned

he didn't have any family to speak of,

so I've taken it upon myself

to tie up the loose ends of his life.

You're a good friend.

Well, the loose end that pertains to you

is an apology.

I don't understand.

Let's just say you were affected by some of his actions

and not... not always for the best.

You know, you don't have to apologize for him.

In the last few weeks of Sid's life

he changed.

And I realize now that it wasn't his fault.

He came into contact with something that...

turned him...

into someone he was not.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I'm sorry.

I'd give anything to have the real Sid back.

I know.

Thanks for listening.

Alan: Chad, buddy.

Hi, you guys. Do I know you?

Don't you think you've already

insulted our intelligence enough?

I'm not sure I follow.

You wanna play games?

Fine.

Oh, no Grant! Looks like

that whack to the head you gave him last time

must have knocked something loose!

Not only doesn't he remember

tha favor we did him,

but he doesn't even remember us!

Curiouser and curiouser.

Allow me to re-introduce myself.

I'm Alan your underwriter.

Funny how underwriter sounds like undertaker.

Alan... the bartender at Sparkz.

There ya go. And all it took

was a little bit of intimidation.

I'm tired of playing games, Chad. Hmm?

That's my 50K you borrowed.

You haven't paid back a dime.

Borrowed? I won the money on Denver.

Remember? It was a bet.

Denver? That was a side bet.

You won 200 bucks.

We're here for the 50K you borrowed, plus interest,

sharp guy.

50K. Listen, I'm gonna go to

the bank right now and get your money.

You're gonna go to the bank? Yeah, ok.

You know what? That pisses me off

even more than last time I was here

and you denied ever getting money from us!

You know you had till yesterday.

Guys, you have the wrong guy.

Oh, the wrong guy, oh?

Funny, you look exactly like Chad Warner.

Exactly.

Help, help.

Keep it down, huh?

This is a nice neighborhood.

Ok... ok... I can show you.

You're gonna show me what?

I can show you.

You guys have the wrong guy.

Gun! Gun!

[NARRATOR] In an age when we are led to believe

that we can be anything we want to be,

what most eludes us is simply...

being ourselves.

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