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News Anchor:
In the early aughts,
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00:00:05,764 --> 00:00:08,905
looking to cement his power
and overthrow Yeltsin loyalists,
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00:00:08,905 --> 00:00:11,735
President Vladimir Putin looked
to some of his closest allies
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00:00:11,735 --> 00:00:13,910
from his former KGB days.
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00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:16,395
One such man
is Dimislav Molokov,
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00:00:16,395 --> 00:00:17,914
a devout Russian Orthodox man
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00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:21,228
who at the time ran a small
dairy farm in Rostov Oblast.
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00:00:21,228 --> 00:00:23,713
Putin invited Mr. Molokov
to the Kremlin,
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00:00:23,713 --> 00:00:25,508
where he sampled his milk.
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00:00:25,508 --> 00:00:27,165
Molokov struck gold.
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00:00:27,165 --> 00:00:28,614
White gold, that is.
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00:00:28,614 --> 00:00:30,961
Putin liked it so much that
in the ensuing months,
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00:00:30,961 --> 00:00:32,791
there was a systematic
shutdown of dairy farms
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00:00:32,791 --> 00:00:34,103
across the country,
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00:00:34,103 --> 00:00:37,002
which Mr. Molokov snapped up
for literal pennies.
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00:00:37,002 --> 00:00:38,659
The farmers who opposed
the purchases
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00:00:38,659 --> 00:00:42,249
from the newly minted oligarch,
now known simply as Dima,
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00:00:42,249 --> 00:00:44,596
were either incarcerated
for opposition politics
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00:00:44,596 --> 00:00:47,150
or simply never heard
from again.
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00:00:47,150 --> 00:00:49,290
And while most of you think
how does one become
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00:00:49,290 --> 00:00:51,361
a multi-billionaire from milk?
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00:00:51,361 --> 00:00:53,329
The answer is simple.
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00:00:53,329 --> 00:00:55,538
He also mines uranium.
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00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:58,817
Say what now?[ Laughter ]
25
00:00:58,817 --> 00:01:02,786
The point is -- the point
is Russia [bleep] up.
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00:01:02,786 --> 00:01:04,512
[ Laughter ]
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00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:09,172
[ Cow moos ]
28
00:01:09,172 --> 00:01:11,105
That's not a joke.He doesn't need
to make jokes.
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00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,038
He's just pointing out
how messed up Russia is.
30
00:01:13,038 --> 00:01:14,764
He does the news better
than the news does.
31
00:01:14,764 --> 00:01:16,145
What are you
talking about?
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00:01:16,145 --> 00:01:17,284
That wasthe news.
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00:01:17,284 --> 00:01:19,182
All he did was swear
and make a stupid face.
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00:01:19,182 --> 00:01:20,666
All right, guys.
Listen to me.
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00:01:20,666 --> 00:01:23,531
We are in the middle of a very
dangerous situation right now.
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00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:25,464
Dealing with an oligarch
who's forcing your father
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00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:26,914
to marry his daughter
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00:01:26,914 --> 00:01:29,019
all because my father
is running a black market
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00:01:29,019 --> 00:01:31,815
of Canadian homo milk that's
undercutting his monopoly.
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00:01:31,815 --> 00:01:34,715
See? Russia [bleep] up.
You don't need to make jokes.
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00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:36,165
Why don't we
just run away?
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00:01:36,165 --> 00:01:37,545
Yeah, there's not that
many guards.
43
00:01:37,545 --> 00:01:38,753
We can probably outrun 'em.I'm not doing that.
44
00:01:38,753 --> 00:01:40,307
I'm not putting you guys
in any more danger.
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00:01:40,307 --> 00:01:43,172
Let's just have your dad
say his fake "I do's"
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00:01:43,172 --> 00:01:45,035
and take his Russian bride
back to the states,
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00:01:45,035 --> 00:01:47,037
where we will deal with this
diplomatically
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00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:48,142
with the State Department.
49
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,247
Okay?
Trust me.
50
00:01:49,247 --> 00:01:51,352
This is no picnic
for your dad, either.
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00:01:51,352 --> 00:01:54,562
[ Laughs ]
52
00:01:54,562 --> 00:01:57,531
You're so funny!
53
00:01:57,531 --> 00:01:58,739
[ Russian accent ]
It's the vodka.
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00:01:58,739 --> 00:02:02,984
It make me funny!
It's the voice, too.
55
00:02:02,984 --> 00:02:04,917
Kiss me.
56
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,264
Hmm?
57
00:02:06,264 --> 00:02:09,025
[ Normally ]
Okay, umm --
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00:02:09,025 --> 00:02:10,440
-Hey!
-Yeah?
59
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,029
[ Gasps ]
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00:02:13,029 --> 00:02:13,926
Ow.
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00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,204
Can't sample milk
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00:02:15,204 --> 00:02:16,515
until you're paid
for the cow.
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00:02:16,515 --> 00:02:20,105
♪♪
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00:02:20,105 --> 00:02:23,557
Sergeant Pepper
is such a dick.
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00:02:23,557 --> 00:02:27,423
[ Man singing in Russian ]
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00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:34,775
[ Buzzing ]
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00:02:34,775 --> 00:02:40,125
♪♪
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00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,954
[ Clears throat ]
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00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:46,407
♪♪
70
00:02:46,407 --> 00:02:47,926
Hey.
Oh, hey.
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00:02:47,926 --> 00:02:49,893
I can't do it.
I can't do this marriage thing.
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00:02:49,893 --> 00:02:51,101
Look what
she makes me wear.
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00:02:51,101 --> 00:02:52,448
I say
I just keep stalling
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00:02:52,448 --> 00:02:53,794
until maybe
your dad shows up.
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00:02:53,794 --> 00:02:55,105
That's who this Dima guy
wants, anyway.
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00:02:55,105 --> 00:02:56,831
Bill, honey, my dad is not
showing up, all right?
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00:02:56,831 --> 00:02:59,075
He's not some hand of God
who cares more about his family
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00:02:59,075 --> 00:03:00,249
than he does risking
his own life.
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00:03:00,249 --> 00:03:01,422
That's not gonna happen.
80
00:03:01,422 --> 00:03:03,148
Okay, then, I say we make
a run for it. Okay?
81
00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:04,736
I was talking to Nico.I don't know who that is.
82
00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:05,875
That's the ponytail guy.
83
00:03:05,875 --> 00:03:07,739
Sergei?
84
00:03:07,739 --> 00:03:09,982
One of the names.Okay, anyway, he said
a couple of his workers
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00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,121
escaped through the mines.
86
00:03:11,121 --> 00:03:12,502
The uranium mines?Yeah.
87
00:03:12,502 --> 00:03:14,435
Are you out of your --
No, honey, we're not doing that.
88
00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:15,609
You know
what you're gonna do?
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00:03:15,609 --> 00:03:16,782
You're gonna marry
this ugly Russian broad.
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00:03:16,782 --> 00:03:17,852
We're gonna go back
to the States,
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00:03:17,852 --> 00:03:19,060
and we're gonna be
a family, okay?
92
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:21,442
I don't want to marry
a stranger, okay?
93
00:03:21,442 --> 00:03:25,757
[ Sing-song voice ]
Future husband!
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00:03:25,757 --> 00:03:28,932
Where are you in here?
95
00:03:28,932 --> 00:03:32,004
That's her?Yeah, she's gross.
96
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:34,144
Hey. [ Chuckles nervously ]
-Ugh.
97
00:03:34,144 --> 00:03:36,388
It's so gross in here.I know. I just said that.
98
00:03:42,912 --> 00:03:44,293
[ Laughs ]
99
00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:48,089
Mm! Mm. Mnh-mnh.
100
00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:50,022
[ Exhales heavily ]
101
00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,266
Let's go.Yeah. Yeah, I will.
I'll catch up.
102
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:55,165
I'm just gonna finish
yelling at these milkers.
103
00:03:55,165 --> 00:03:57,029
"Milkieskers."
"Milkies."
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00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,548
Hey, hey, can we circle back
to the thing --
105
00:03:58,548 --> 00:03:59,860
your thing about leaving?Yeah.
106
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,620
Yeah.
Let's make a run for it.
107
00:04:03,312 --> 00:04:04,727
Delilah:
We should not be in here.
108
00:04:04,727 --> 00:04:06,487
Jared: Yeah, a Uranus mine
doesn't sound safe.
109
00:04:06,487 --> 00:04:08,006
Robin: It's fine.
Just don't breathe too deeply.
110
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:10,180
Yet another stupid plan
made by the Parkers.
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00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:12,252
Hey, you're a Parker,
too, you know?Oh, my God.
112
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,012
Okay, and you've made
plenty of stupid plans.
113
00:04:14,012 --> 00:04:15,289
You can't escape your genes.
114
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:16,497
Look at this one.
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00:04:16,497 --> 00:04:18,188
He doesn't want to be
like his mom, but he is.
116
00:04:18,188 --> 00:04:20,018
-I'm not like my mom.
-I wanna be like my mom.
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00:04:20,018 --> 00:04:22,158
Your mom's dead.No, she's not.
She lives in Italy.
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00:04:22,158 --> 00:04:23,504
How could you not
tell me this?
I know.
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00:04:23,504 --> 00:04:25,161
It's the one place
I've always wanted to go.
120
00:04:25,161 --> 00:04:27,059
Why would you think that?Why are you so surprised
by any of this?
121
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,509
[ High-pitched voice ] I'm
already assuming that her mom
122
00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:30,994
is just another crazy sister
that wants to have sex with Dad.
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00:04:30,994 --> 00:04:32,341
[ High-pitched voice ] Wait,
what's wrong with your voice?
124
00:04:32,341 --> 00:04:34,032
Nothing. I think
it's just an echo in here.
125
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:35,861
[ High-pitched voice ] No, your
voice definitely sounds higher.
126
00:04:35,861 --> 00:04:38,726
[ High-pitched voice ]
Your voice sounds --[ Indistinct arguing ]
127
00:04:38,726 --> 00:04:40,866
We gotta go.
We gotta go.
128
00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:43,869
Guys, guys, guys, guys,
keep your voices down, please!
129
00:04:43,869 --> 00:04:45,664
What's the point?
They're already high.
130
00:04:45,664 --> 00:04:47,321
-Yeah, I'm going back.
-No, stop, stop!
131
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,081
Stop!
No, what are you doing?
132
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,739
We just got this family
back together, okay?
133
00:04:51,739 --> 00:04:53,120
The core four.
134
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,674
We've gone through hell
trying to keep us together.
135
00:04:55,674 --> 00:04:57,849
Please, don't rip us
apart again.
136
00:04:57,849 --> 00:05:00,023
I don't even know why you guys
want me back.
137
00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:02,060
You do realize we're 18
in 2 years, right?
138
00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:04,442
Yes, but we want to be
in your life forever.
139
00:05:04,442 --> 00:05:06,409
Yeah, just like you guys are
in your parents' life forever.
140
00:05:06,409 --> 00:05:07,721
That's different.
Our parents are shitty.
141
00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:10,379
So are mine!And we're in a mine.
142
00:05:11,794 --> 00:05:13,589
Sorry. It sounded
really funny in my head.
143
00:05:13,589 --> 00:05:15,556
I think it's all the
poisonous gases we're inhaling.
144
00:05:15,556 --> 00:05:17,178
You know, you guys pay
a lot of lip service
145
00:05:17,178 --> 00:05:18,628
to this family
is everything bullshit,
146
00:05:18,628 --> 00:05:20,458
but I don't see a lot
of evidence of it.
147
00:05:20,458 --> 00:05:23,115
Delilah. You know what the
happiest moments of my life was?
148
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,738
Let me guess.
Sitting on the beach,
149
00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:26,291
watching me play
in the water.
150
00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:27,741
Did you tell her
my speech?
151
00:05:27,741 --> 00:05:29,432
We spent a lot of time together
in the last little while.
152
00:05:29,432 --> 00:05:30,744
We didn't have anything else
to talk about.
153
00:05:30,744 --> 00:05:32,193
What do you want
from us?
154
00:05:32,193 --> 00:05:34,575
Please, just tell us,
and we will deliver.
155
00:05:34,575 --> 00:05:37,992
I promise.
156
00:05:37,992 --> 00:05:40,685
First, let's just get the hell
out of this mine.
157
00:05:40,685 --> 00:05:42,238
Well...
158
00:05:42,238 --> 00:05:43,895
that we can do.Let's do it.
159
00:05:43,895 --> 00:05:45,724
Your mom and I always know
where we're going.
160
00:05:45,724 --> 00:05:47,623
Let's get some.
Shit.
161
00:05:47,623 --> 00:05:49,901
-Oh, no!
-You can't even hear that.
162
00:05:49,901 --> 00:05:54,008
I know. The helium of the mine
is fun to talk with.
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00:05:54,008 --> 00:05:56,597
Makes you sound like you're
in a popular Russian show
164
00:05:56,597 --> 00:05:59,082
"Ivan and Squirrels."
165
00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:01,326
Ivan!
166
00:06:01,326 --> 00:06:03,915
[ Laughter ]Ivan!
167
00:06:03,915 --> 00:06:07,850
And we also use it
to test for leaks.
168
00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:12,268
You need intensive
toxic cleansing.
169
00:06:12,268 --> 00:06:14,926
-Aah!
-Ow!
170
00:06:14,926 --> 00:06:16,272
-Ow!
-Shit!
171
00:06:16,272 --> 00:06:19,482
♪♪
172
00:06:19,482 --> 00:06:21,622
The loofah's
a little scratchy.
173
00:06:21,622 --> 00:06:24,798
♪♪
174
00:06:24,798 --> 00:06:26,627
Better?
175
00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:29,354
Ehh. [ Spits ]
A little bit.
176
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:33,531
♪♪
177
00:06:33,531 --> 00:06:35,602
Don't tickle me.
Get in there.
178
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:44,990
♪♪
179
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:51,756
♪♪
180
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:58,521
♪♪
181
00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:01,731
I always wanted to moved
to downtown Syracuse,
182
00:07:01,731 --> 00:07:05,632
but my father said he wants
to buy us a house at Stratmore.
183
00:07:07,047 --> 00:07:08,186
You know what's funny?
184
00:07:08,186 --> 00:07:10,222
You strike me a
modern-day feminist woman
185
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:12,466
who doesn't need
to obey her father.
186
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,295
Why don't we skip this whole
wedding thing
187
00:07:14,295 --> 00:07:15,573
and move right to America
188
00:07:15,573 --> 00:07:18,092
and talk directly
to immigration?
189
00:07:18,092 --> 00:07:21,820
What is word "feminist"?
Dip.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
190
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:23,650
Drag.
Yeah.
191
00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:26,342
Feminist is like equal rights,
men and women, you know?
192
00:07:26,342 --> 00:07:27,861
50/50.
193
00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:32,210
It's freedom to do whatever you
want including wearing flats.
194
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:37,422
Russia have equal rights,
50/50 for many years.
195
00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:39,976
It was called Communism.
196
00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:41,564
It didn't work.
197
00:07:41,564 --> 00:07:43,704
The world of equality
in dystopia
198
00:07:43,704 --> 00:07:46,949
where only ugly lesbians
are happy.
199
00:07:46,949 --> 00:07:49,261
I want an American life.
200
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:52,713
Looking beautiful,
having children,
201
00:07:52,713 --> 00:07:57,442
wearing high heels,
watching fireworks.
202
00:07:57,442 --> 00:07:59,824
[ Both chuckle ]
203
00:07:59,824 --> 00:08:00,928
Who doesn't?
204
00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:02,274
Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh.
205
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:03,241
[ Giggles ]
206
00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:05,726
You did good.
Thanks.
207
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:14,528
Again? Jesus.
208
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,566
♪♪
209
00:08:17,566 --> 00:08:20,776
Hello, sir?
Hi, sir.
210
00:08:20,776 --> 00:08:23,537
Can I just have a moment
of your time?
211
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,608
Listen, I want to talk
about your daughter.
212
00:08:25,608 --> 00:08:27,265
Your daughter will
do anything you say.
213
00:08:27,265 --> 00:08:28,646
She loves you.
214
00:08:28,646 --> 00:08:31,269
If you just went up to her
and said, "Look, this guy Nate."
215
00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:32,615
Who's Nate?
216
00:08:32,615 --> 00:08:34,306
I'm Nate.
217
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,067
And you said,
"Nate is such a loser."
218
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,207
I've already done that.
219
00:08:38,207 --> 00:08:39,760
Good, good, yeah,
220
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,659
then you just put your foot
down about this wedding.
221
00:08:41,659 --> 00:08:43,799
Say no. I know
you don't want this to happen.
222
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:46,318
I could find her another guy
to marry in a second.
223
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,837
Trust me, I've tried.
224
00:08:47,837 --> 00:08:50,288
She'll say, "I'll only marry
a man from Syracuse."
225
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:53,740
So I invite whole plane
of losers from Syracuse area
226
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:56,121
just to show her
how much they suck.
227
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:58,503
Pay for elaborate
Russian bride bullshit thing,
228
00:08:58,503 --> 00:09:01,679
and she says, "I like the guy,
but no, he's from Ithaca.
229
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,371
That guy okay, but no,
he's from Binghampton."
230
00:09:04,371 --> 00:09:07,029
No to guy from Rochester.
Then you show up from Syracuse.
231
00:09:07,029 --> 00:09:08,755
What's so great about
Syracuse?
232
00:09:08,755 --> 00:09:10,342
I Google, it sucks!
233
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,137
It's got its charms.What?
234
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:13,691
Erie Canal Museum
is shit.
235
00:09:13,691 --> 00:09:15,313
It was quite
an engineering feat.
236
00:09:15,313 --> 00:09:17,349
I mean, 18 aqueducts,
72 locks,
237
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,318
but you don't care about
shipping history,
238
00:09:20,318 --> 00:09:23,770
connecting the Great Lakes
to the Atlantic.
239
00:09:23,770 --> 00:09:25,357
Listen, your daughter's
such a beautiful woman.
240
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:26,807
Then you marry.
241
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:28,533
That's the problem.
I can't.
242
00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:31,709
I'm kind of
already married.
243
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:33,918
To homo milk man's
daughter?
244
00:09:33,918 --> 00:09:36,541
Yeah.
245
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,474
Okay.
246
00:09:38,474 --> 00:09:39,717
I'm religious man.
247
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:41,822
I respect those who enter
the holiest matrimony
248
00:09:41,822 --> 00:09:43,306
in the face of God.
249
00:09:43,306 --> 00:09:46,965
You show proof for married,
I no force you.
250
00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:49,243
And that's
the second problem.
251
00:09:49,243 --> 00:09:51,004
We never
officially actually
252
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:52,522
ever got around
to getting married.
253
00:09:52,522 --> 00:09:54,214
Why not?
254
00:09:54,214 --> 00:09:56,526
[ Sighs ]
I don't know.
255
00:09:56,526 --> 00:10:00,392
Well, then, you're getting
married to my daughter tomorrow.
256
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:04,017
And that's final?
That's...?
257
00:10:04,017 --> 00:10:06,467
I get it.
You've got a tank.
258
00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:07,745
I've just got roller sk--
259
00:10:07,745 --> 00:10:09,574
Whoa!
[ Chuckles ]
260
00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:11,300
Finally getting the hang
of these.
261
00:10:13,578 --> 00:10:17,133
I did not mean to put my mouth
on your penis.
262
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,690
I'm very sorry.
263
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:23,623
[ Chuckles nervously ]
264
00:10:25,555 --> 00:10:26,729
[ Loud clatter ]
265
00:10:29,939 --> 00:10:31,216
I'll leave.
266
00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:37,947
♪♪
267
00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:41,088
By the power vested in me
by the great state of Alaska --
268
00:10:41,088 --> 00:10:42,952
I wonder if I'm still the mayor.
-You're not.
269
00:10:42,952 --> 00:10:44,954
The box turtle
won a special election.
270
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:46,128
Oh, good for Nigel.
271
00:10:46,128 --> 00:10:47,854
Well, with the little power
I have left,
272
00:10:47,854 --> 00:10:49,890
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.
273
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:54,964
I know this doesn't
change anything.
274
00:10:54,964 --> 00:10:56,448
It's gonna help me
get through this, okay,
275
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,795
and I know this isn't
your dream wedding,
276
00:10:57,795 --> 00:11:01,212
but at least
you're still in white.
277
00:11:01,212 --> 00:11:02,938
I just love you so much.I love you,
too, but baby,
278
00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:06,976
I think they're asking us
to go in there and...do it.
279
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:09,876
Are you suggesting
we go in there and --
280
00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:11,878
Oh, that's --Bless your heart.
281
00:11:11,878 --> 00:11:14,190
That's very sweet,
but these are our kids.
282
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,398
That'd be weird.
283
00:11:15,398 --> 00:11:16,745
You know we really
don't care anymore.
284
00:11:16,745 --> 00:11:17,780
Yeah, between the farting
and the cud chewing,
285
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,333
we really can't hear anything.
286
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,576
Yeah, no,
it's way too weird.
287
00:11:20,576 --> 00:11:21,646
Thank you, though.
288
00:11:21,646 --> 00:11:22,992
Okay, well,
we're gonna be in here.
289
00:11:22,992 --> 00:11:24,891
Don't be too loud.
290
00:11:27,963 --> 00:11:30,137
Actually -- actually,
you know what, babe?
291
00:11:30,137 --> 00:11:31,863
I think we should consummate
this thing.
292
00:11:31,863 --> 00:11:33,313
It's our wedding night.
Come on, let's do it.All right. All right.
293
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:35,764
Let's do it.Thank you.
294
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:38,628
Oh, it's lovely.You got a beautiful home.
295
00:11:38,628 --> 00:11:40,665
Look at that.
I love it.
296
00:11:40,665 --> 00:11:41,942
[ Chuckles ]
297
00:11:41,942 --> 00:11:45,463
Okay. Oh, oh.
Wait a minute. Hold on.
298
00:11:45,463 --> 00:11:47,603
[ Groans ]
299
00:11:47,603 --> 00:11:50,157
[ Yells in Russian ]
300
00:11:50,157 --> 00:11:52,090
Aah![ Bucket clanks ]
301
00:11:54,265 --> 00:11:59,477
♪♪
302
00:11:59,477 --> 00:12:04,689
♪♪
303
00:12:04,689 --> 00:12:07,692
[ Singing in Russian ]
304
00:12:07,692 --> 00:12:13,180
♪♪
305
00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:18,703
♪♪
306
00:12:18,703 --> 00:12:20,981
You look like
Czar Feodore the Third.
307
00:12:20,981 --> 00:12:22,017
Thank you.
308
00:12:22,017 --> 00:12:23,881
He was sickly due
to the inbreeding
309
00:12:23,881 --> 00:12:26,538
and being kicked
in head by horse.
310
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,851
Wore a diaper
to the coronation
311
00:12:28,851 --> 00:12:32,855
and could not
put his hat on, either.
312
00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:36,169
Okay, okay.
It's just so tight.
313
00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:38,723
♪♪
314
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:42,796
You look good.
315
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,143
I feel like an idiot.
316
00:12:45,143 --> 00:12:46,696
[ Sighs ]
317
00:12:46,696 --> 00:12:48,560
I'm sorry we're such
shitty parents.
318
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:49,976
Don't be.
319
00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:52,047
You're marrying the daughter
of a Russian oligarch
320
00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:55,326
so we can get back to Syracuse
and live a normal, boring life.
321
00:12:55,326 --> 00:12:58,398
You're doing all this for less
than two years family time.
322
00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:02,229
You're not great parents,
but you're not shitty.
323
00:13:02,229 --> 00:13:03,783
That means a lot.
324
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,302
Don't start crying.I always cry at weddings.
[ Sniffles ]
325
00:13:06,302 --> 00:13:08,097
Aw, shit.
326
00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:09,409
Now I gotta ride.
No, get up, please.
327
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:11,169
I'm not stepping
on your back. Okay?
328
00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:14,759
I'll get on the...
small horse myself.
329
00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:16,071
Honey,
it's so small.
330
00:13:16,071 --> 00:13:17,831
-I'm gonna break its back.
-I know.
331
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,075
If I don't get on it,
he's gonna break my back.
332
00:13:20,075 --> 00:13:22,767
God, I'm sorry.
333
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:25,666
I just ripped my pants.
I just ripped my pants.
334
00:13:25,666 --> 00:13:28,911
Yep.
335
00:13:28,911 --> 00:13:30,257
-Be careful.
-I know.
336
00:13:30,257 --> 00:13:32,363
I'm just trying not
to break its back.
337
00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:34,468
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
338
00:13:34,468 --> 00:13:36,574
Whoa, whoa, whoa![ Audience chuckles ]
339
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:41,165
Um...
my pants ripped wide open.
340
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,031
How long do we have
to stay here for?
341
00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:46,964
I mean,
I gotta go to work.
342
00:13:46,964 --> 00:13:49,207
These cows aren't gonna shovel
their own shit.I don't know.
343
00:13:49,207 --> 00:13:51,969
Maybe she realized she was
stealing some other woman's man.
344
00:13:51,969 --> 00:13:54,419
Is she coming soon? These people
are getting restless.
345
00:14:01,426 --> 00:14:06,224
Funky Bunch,
no Mark!
346
00:14:06,224 --> 00:14:08,123
♪ Aw, yeah
347
00:14:08,123 --> 00:14:10,125
♪ Funky Bunch in the building
348
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:13,404
♪ Come on, come on
349
00:14:13,404 --> 00:14:15,130
♪ Look out, sons,
or you're gonna get punched ♪
350
00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:19,375
♪ Step back, Mother, Father,
here comes the Funky Bunch ♪
351
00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:21,101
♪ Ugh
352
00:14:21,101 --> 00:14:23,069
♪ Yo, we're back from the '90s
like one, two, three ♪
353
00:14:23,069 --> 00:14:24,864
♪ Scotty Gee ♪ Hector Booty
and your boy ♪
354
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,314
♪ DJ T ♪ We heard the jumps
and the smack and the stuff ♪
355
00:14:27,314 --> 00:14:28,315
Together:
♪ But believe in the bunch
356
00:14:28,315 --> 00:14:29,661
♪ We just as good
without Mark ♪
357
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,146
♪ We don't need Mark
with his fat, tight body ♪
358
00:14:31,146 --> 00:14:33,320
♪ We disassociate
with his agent in crime ♪
359
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,150
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪
360
00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:36,289
♪ We're the brains
and the brawn ♪
361
00:14:36,289 --> 00:14:37,635
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪
362
00:14:37,635 --> 00:14:39,154
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪
363
00:14:39,154 --> 00:14:40,258
♪ We're the brain
and the brawn ♪
364
00:14:40,258 --> 00:14:41,708
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪
365
00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:44,021
Is this actually
the Funky Bunch?
No.
366
00:14:44,021 --> 00:14:45,954
Well, why would you
tell everybody that it was?
367
00:14:45,954 --> 00:14:47,645
No one knows
the difference.
368
00:14:49,612 --> 00:14:51,269
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪
369
00:14:51,269 --> 00:14:52,512
♪ We're the brains
and the brawn ♪
370
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:53,823
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪
371
00:14:53,823 --> 00:14:57,517
♪ Oh, say can you see♪
372
00:14:57,517 --> 00:15:00,002
♪ By the dawn's early light♪
373
00:15:00,002 --> 00:15:01,728
Oh, no, no!
374
00:15:01,728 --> 00:15:05,525
♪ What so proudly
we hailed --♪
375
00:15:07,665 --> 00:15:10,357
[ Clears throat ]
376
00:15:10,357 --> 00:15:11,186
Dad?
377
00:15:11,186 --> 00:15:12,187
Pee Paw?Pee Paw?
378
00:15:12,187 --> 00:15:14,465
Hand of God!
I knew he'd be back!
379
00:15:14,465 --> 00:15:16,363
[ Cheers ]What the hell are you guys
doing here?
380
00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,503
We're being forced to work here
until you surrender,
381
00:15:18,503 --> 00:15:21,713
and because of that, Nate has
to marry that guy's daughter.
382
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,129
Who's Nate?
383
00:15:23,129 --> 00:15:25,200
Hey! [ Laughs ]
384
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,133
I did not know that.
385
00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:28,341
Then what are you doing
here?
386
00:15:28,341 --> 00:15:29,894
I'm here to destroy
the rule of this
387
00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:31,896
Keebler Elf.
388
00:15:31,896 --> 00:15:35,072
You're screwed now, pal!
[ Laughs ]
389
00:15:35,072 --> 00:15:36,866
You no ruin me.
390
00:15:36,866 --> 00:15:38,040
Is impossible.
391
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,835
By myself?
No.
392
00:15:39,835 --> 00:15:43,045
But with a little family help,
it's been surprisingly easy.
393
00:15:45,392 --> 00:15:47,636
Natalia.[ Audience murmurs ]
394
00:15:51,019 --> 00:15:52,986
You always tell me
I'm a free woman.
395
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,712
Free to make my choice.
396
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:57,611
But this?
This is all fake.
397
00:15:57,611 --> 00:15:58,750
Nate is not in love
with me.
398
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,545
He's in love
with this old woman.
399
00:16:00,545 --> 00:16:01,891
She's 39.
400
00:16:01,891 --> 00:16:03,721
That is what I said --
old.
401
00:16:08,933 --> 00:16:10,245
You always taught me,
402
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:13,386
when angry, do not act violently
like a night witch.
403
00:16:13,386 --> 00:16:15,629
Instead,
channel your energy
404
00:16:15,629 --> 00:16:18,494
to destroy your enemy
financially.
405
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,739
You are forcing him
to marry me!
406
00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:25,915
I am no feminist,
but I will be treated fairly,
407
00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:27,227
and my voice will be heard
408
00:16:27,227 --> 00:16:29,712
regarding my own life
and happiness.
409
00:16:29,712 --> 00:16:32,370
You're bluffing.
He has no power in Russia.
410
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:34,200
You're right.
I don't.
411
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,375
But then she introduced me
to this guy named Vlad.
412
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:38,790
I forget his last name.
413
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:41,276
Old KGB buddy of yours,
I believe.
414
00:16:41,276 --> 00:16:43,105
Anyhoo, it turns out,
415
00:16:43,105 --> 00:16:45,970
he's grown really tired
of your overpriced milk.
416
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:47,937
He's looking for something
a little more --This is lie.
417
00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:49,767
Putin will never go
to homo milk.
418
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,251
Oh, he's going homo,
all right.
419
00:16:51,251 --> 00:16:52,942
He's completely gay for it.
420
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:55,635
And pretty soon, all the rest
of Russia will be, too.
421
00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:58,224
I don't believe.
There are no gays in Russia.
422
00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:02,435
[ Laughter ]
423
00:17:02,435 --> 00:17:04,264
I know, right?
What a douche.
424
00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:05,921
Okay.
Don't believe.
425
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:07,750
And don't believe there's
a Federation tank
426
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:11,582
right behind that stage ready to
tear this entire operation down.
427
00:17:11,582 --> 00:17:13,239
Did you say tank?No.
428
00:17:13,239 --> 00:17:15,275
Vlad loves my milk.
429
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:16,483
Okay.
430
00:17:16,483 --> 00:17:17,622
Suit yourself.
431
00:17:17,622 --> 00:17:19,348
Boys!
432
00:17:19,348 --> 00:17:20,970
[ Rumbling in distance ]
433
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:23,421
No tank.There's a tank.
434
00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:25,630
It's just a Russian tank,
so it's slow.
435
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,943
There is no tank.
436
00:17:27,943 --> 00:17:30,463
[ Laughs ]
437
00:17:30,463 --> 00:17:35,571
There is no tank.
[ Laughs ]
438
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,608
There is no tank!
439
00:17:37,608 --> 00:17:39,782
There's a tank! There's a tank![ Audience gasps ]
440
00:17:39,782 --> 00:17:41,301
Everybody, run! Run!
441
00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:48,860
♪♪
442
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,346
That's for my Taurus!
443
00:17:51,346 --> 00:17:54,349
[ Screaming ]
444
00:17:54,349 --> 00:17:55,867
Jesus.
445
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,318
[ Screaming ]
446
00:17:58,318 --> 00:18:02,322
♪♪
447
00:18:02,322 --> 00:18:03,358
Yeah?
448
00:18:03,358 --> 00:18:04,531
I think we're finally out.
449
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:07,672
♪♪
450
00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:08,846
Aah!
451
00:18:08,846 --> 00:18:14,023
♪♪
452
00:18:14,023 --> 00:18:19,236
♪♪
453
00:18:19,236 --> 00:18:21,686
It's a good time
to get out of here.
454
00:18:21,686 --> 00:18:24,206
You still want to split?
455
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:26,208
Given a choice between
the lesser of two evils,
456
00:18:26,208 --> 00:18:29,315
I think I'm gonna stick
with shitty parents.
457
00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,455
Okay.
Suit yourself.
458
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:32,525
See ya!
459
00:18:32,525 --> 00:18:37,875
♪♪
460
00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:39,532
[ Clears throat ]
461
00:18:43,329 --> 00:18:45,158
Hi.[ Laughs ]
462
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,815
I still want to marry you.
463
00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:50,888
[ Laughs ]Just kidding!
464
00:18:50,888 --> 00:18:53,270
She's funny.I told you.
465
00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:54,305
Hmm? Hmm?
466
00:18:55,789 --> 00:18:57,515
What'd she say?I don't know.
I don't speak Russian.
467
00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:08,423
♪♪
468
00:19:08,423 --> 00:19:12,047
♪ How lucky can one guy be?
469
00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:13,531
♪ I kissed her,
and she kissed me ♪
470
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:15,533
You have 50 new messages.
[ Beep]
471
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,190
Robin: Hey, babe. Are you still
coming home tonight?
472
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,364
I haven't heard from you.
473
00:19:18,364 --> 00:19:19,572
If you are,
can you pick up milk?
474
00:19:19,572 --> 00:19:20,883
Oh, and bananas.
475
00:19:20,883 --> 00:19:22,540
Natalia: Oh, and tell him
to get hot dogs!
476
00:19:22,540 --> 00:19:24,473
I love hot dogs!
477
00:19:24,473 --> 00:19:26,613
Ugh.
You-know-who wants hot dogs.
478
00:19:26,613 --> 00:19:28,650
Dude, I know she pays
our rent, but --
[ Beep]
479
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:31,549
Natalia:
I don't know what she told you,
but I really want hot dog.
480
00:19:31,549 --> 00:19:33,413
Robin:
I told him that.[ Speaks Russian]
481
00:19:33,413 --> 00:19:35,726
[ Beep]Delilah: Hey, dad.
I need 100 bucks.
482
00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:36,934
Don't ask why.[ Beep]
483
00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:38,280
Robin:
Hey. Me again.
484
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,730
We also need
laundry detergent
485
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,766
and cat food --
the wet kind.
[ Beep]
486
00:19:41,766 --> 00:19:44,217
Jared:
Hey, Dad. If Delilah's getting
100 bucks, I want 100 --[ Beep]
487
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,598
Edie: Hey, it's Edie.
488
00:19:45,598 --> 00:19:47,289
Listen, I know we didn't
really end on a good note,
489
00:19:47,289 --> 00:19:48,670
but your s--[ Beep]
490
00:19:48,670 --> 00:19:50,223
Robin: Hey, it's me again.
Your machine cut me off.
491
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,845
Machine.[ Chuckles]
[ Beep]
492
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:54,952
Vanessa:
Hey, dumb ass, it's Vanessa.
Call me. It's impo--
493
00:19:54,952 --> 00:19:56,781
Man: Hey, it's me.
494
00:19:56,781 --> 00:19:59,198
Looks like you finally
made it to the beach, huh?
495
00:20:01,338 --> 00:20:04,064
Listen, I have the package.
496
00:20:04,064 --> 00:20:06,446
Consider us square.
497
00:20:06,446 --> 00:20:08,586
Hey, whatever you do,
just don't get in the --
498
00:20:08,586 --> 00:20:09,691
[ Beep]
499
00:20:09,691 --> 00:20:13,315
♪ I go to sleep
and keep grinning ♪
500
00:20:13,315 --> 00:20:17,077
♪ If this is just
the beginning ♪
501
00:20:17,077 --> 00:20:22,082
♪ My life is gonna be
beautiful ♪
502
00:20:22,082 --> 00:20:25,638
♪ She's telling me
we'll be wed ♪
503
00:20:25,638 --> 00:20:29,366
♪ She's picked out
a king-sized bed ♪
504
00:20:29,366 --> 00:20:34,129
♪ I couldn't feel any better
or I'd be sick ♪
505
00:20:34,129 --> 00:20:36,338
♪♪
506
00:20:36,338 --> 00:20:37,822
♪ Tell me quick
507
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:41,136
♪ Ain't that a kick
in the head ♪
508
00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:43,138
[ Rapid gunshots firing ]
509
00:20:54,529 --> 00:20:57,601
♪♪
36664
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