Original subtitles

A study of new York public schools finds 7th and 8th graders

are overweight in record numbers.

We don't like the word overweight.

We prefer the term ultra-nourished.

uh, yes. The ultra... Fat guy in the back.

No need to single anyone out, sir.

Yes, you-you with the doughnut.

Let me say one thing.

There's no excuse for a 12-year-old with a jelly belly.

These kids need to exercise. Look at me!

I'm 50 years old. Check out these guns.

I can do 60 pushups in a row.

And you can all see that

when the mayor releases his new workout video.

So if there are no more questions-

count 'em off for me, Mike.

uh... one...

Uh, one...

One and a half...

I'm hurt.

Ok. The fitness issue is a new priority.

The mayor's attempted pushup

has taken all the fat kids in new York

and put them on the front page.

We need a response.

Bigger front page?

The mayor wants to sponsor a fitness program

for all the schools, you know, pushups, sit-ups, running laps.

Ooh, how about archery?

That's great, Paul.

After the fat kids have been picked on all day,

we'll just arm them with bows and arrows.

Look, we want to set an example

by having someone from the mayor's office

follow the fitness program,

and I need a volunteer.

Hey. Where does the sun rise?

In the East.

Where does it set? In the West

at the beach.

A la playa.

La playa blanco.

Still looking for a volunteer.

Well, you know, I would do it,

but I'm allergic to my own sweat.

Really, Paul. Because you're sweating now.

I am? Ow... ow...

Paul... drop the act.

You can go.

Thank you, Michael.

This is not a big deal, guys.

I'm looking for someone who could lose a couple of pounds.

You even look over here,

I will drop-kick you through the window.

Nikki can go.

Mike, I know people.

Stacey can go, too.

- James, you're too skinny. - I'm from Wisconsin.

We eat all the cheese and sausage we want. Only the women get big.

It's the damnedest thing.

So, Carter.

I guess that just leaves you and me.

And since I'm not doing it...

Oh, pick me, Mike, please.

So, where are we going to lunch?

Paul, it's 10:30. You just finished your muffin.

You just finished my muffin.

This is a preemptive strike.

Every day we wait till the last minute

to decide where we go to lunch.

We always end up at that horrible, nasty mexican place.

I can't take it anymore.

I hate mexican.

They're all over the place,

everywhere you look- mexican, mexican, mexican!

They're way too greasy.

Excuse me?

Oh, hey, councilman Rodriguez.

Oh, God! Oh, no!

No, no, no! You're not the mexican I was talking about!

Oh, God! I'm sorry!

A public weigh-in.

Wasn't that just the icing on the cake I can't have.

175. That's much more we could have hoped for.

Yes, sir, we're all thrilled.

Carter, come on.

You're a little heavier than you thought.

It'll motivate you. Put a fire in your belly.

Big fire.

My scale at home says 165 pounds.

That is the perfect weight for my height.

I know all about that.

It's the scale that's fat.

I think I need to take a walk.

Brisk walk.

Hi, James.

Here's the stapler you wanted.

I got it for you special.

Thanks, Katie.

I had a really great time last night.

I'll call you later.

Makin' time with the supply girl?

Wow! We're allowed to date in-house here?

Yes, you are.

In fact...

It's encouraged.

Stuart?

Yeah.

Come here.

You will never get this close to me again.

you smell good.

Spill. How long have you guys been dating?

We've only been out a couple of times.

Yeah? James, did you, uh...

did I staple her?

No.

James, don't listen to Stuart.

You and Katie want a long, slow courtship

where you get to know each other, right?

You don't wanna just hop into bed.

So you're telling me you never jumped into bed with a guy

after your first date?

We're talking about James here.

It was a simple misunderstanding.

The councilman totally overreacted.

You're right, Paul. I mean, all you did

was defame his country and insult his culture.

No! No, that's not true! Paul lassiter loves all people!

Paul lassiter is a citizen of the world!

A citizen of the world

who grew up in an exclusively irish- catholic neighborhood

without a minority living there.

Not true. Right next door was Mary Beth hoolihan.

Her mom was canadian!

Just remember, Paulie. Hate is a 4-letter word.

I'm not a racist.

I'm very open-minded. I pride myself on that!

My sophomore year, we went to Tijuana on spring break.

I bought a sombrero!

I'm not a racist.

It's too easy!

Need...

Water...

And...

Candy!

Come on, we've done 4 miles,

and we haven't even broken a sweat!

Hey, come on. It's a great way to lose a couple of pounds.

I'm gonna throw up!

Well, there's that.

Hey, hey. Come on. What about the mayor's fitness program, huh?

What about those kids?

Great idea. Let's harness up a team and let 'em pull me!

I was worried you'd crack.

That's why I brought you a little surprise.

A snickers?

Top of the line runner's watch.

That's your butt toner 2000.

It's very sweet.

If your pulse rate drops below 100,

this thing automatically says...

Kick it up!

Cool.

Let's kick it up!

There ya go.

# Go, Carter, you're money #

stop it! # Guys dig you #

# go, Carter #

thanks for doing this, though.

Works better if you work out with someone.

Hey, you and me all the way.

You're on your own!

Excuse me.

Where's the petting zoo?

So...

We wanna hear. How'd your date go?

Uh, ok. I started off by holding her hand.

And?

And... that would be the High point.

Very hot.

Trust me, James. You have got to woo her.

oh!

- What?! - Woo? Who woos?

I'm hearing a lot of words here,

but none of them are helping James.

All right. Fine.

Pretend I'm Katie and you wanna kiss me. Show me your moves.

Ok. I have no moves.

Here's what you do.

You want to kiss this woman,

you put your hand on her thigh...

Very soft touch. Hmm?

Like that.

No. You squeeze her thigh.

Squeeze it hard!

Women, they like strength.

Women like tenderness.

Uh... do women like passing out?

I'm getting a little Dizzy here.

Watch me, James.

You take control.

You put your hand in the back of her head-

try not to mess up her hair-

and you pull her in.

Oh, God!

As you were.

# Go, Carter #

# you're money #

# guys dig you #

# go, go, go, Carter #

# you're money, guys dig you #

# go, go, go, Carter #

# you're money #

# guys dig you... #

you there! Stop where you are!

Whoo-hoo! Yes!

police! Put your hands up!

I- I didn't realize I was going that fast.

Put your hands on top of your head!

Hey.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm detective blade.

New roller cop.

You have a lost and found around this place?

- What did you lose? - Member of the mayor's staff.

Oh. All right.

He vouched for you. You're free to go.

Thank you very much. Once again, I'd like to apologize for-

wait a second... What did I do?

Oh, that's right. Nothing!

We should get out before there's a lot of nothing in tomorrow's paper.

We were looking for a Black male who just mugged a Lady.

You were uncooperative, and you had no I. d.

You know, I wish I did,

because on my license, I'm a white guy from greenwich.

Let's not waste any more time being upset, ok?

Look, you've, uh, already been here 2o minutes.

My watch stopped. They broke it when they slapped the cuffs on.

The butt toner?

Somebody's gonna pay for this.

Damn right someone is.

When you beeped me, I ordered a car.

It's waiting out back. Let's get the hell outta here, ok?

Why don't you go ahead? I'm gonna take a cab.

If I can get one to stop.

Carter! Hey, car- oh, look out.

Officer down!

Katie, hi! It's me!

James.

Listen, I was thinking, maybe you and I could...

I don't know, tonight maybe catch a flick?

7:00 it is!

Perfect! Me, too!

Sounds like you got yourself a real grownup date, James.

Oh, no, no. I was just practicing.

Carter!

You ok?

I'm fine. Thank you.

I just need a little space.

You aren't wearing a suit.

Why? Does it bother you that I'm dressed this way?

Do I frighten you? Do I intimidate you?

Little bit.

I'm sorry, James.

Sorry, everybody. I just, uh...

Just learned an important lesson.

Doesn't matter if I wear an expensive suit...

Doesn't matter if I have a fancy degree,

a great job.

I swear when that cop looked at me, all he saw was Black.

Well, that cop's a fool.

When I look at you, I see a friend.

And I see a coworker.

But... most importantly,

I see a big fruit.

Thanks a lot, Stuart.

That's the, uh, first time I've smiled all day.

Then I take it you weren't strip-searched?

Ok. Just smile and say hi.

No! No, wait. That'll seem like you're trying really hard.

Don't say anything.

Eew! No! That's just plain rude.

Maybe a wave, small nod of the head.

Oh, who does that? He'll just think you're an idiot!

He's almost here! He's almost here!

Oh, you gotta think of something! Um...

Hello, Black man.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, yeah. Come on in.

I understand you were invited to appear on

good morning America tomorrow.

Please tell me that's to share

your famous peach cobbler recipe.

You want to know my secret?

You add a little nutmeg, a teaspoon of vanilla,

and a pinch of racial indignation.

Can I just substitute cinnamon for that?

Look, Carter, we're a family here. Ok?

Let's just deal with this problem

the way any american family handles a crisis.

Oh, and how is that?

We sweep it under the rug,

get drunk, and don't talk about it.

Well, in my family, we air out all our differences.

Yeah, on national tv?

If it's a slow news day.

Look, Carter, I'm not an idiot. Ok?

I understand what happened to you today,

and I feel lousy about it.

But I am still the deputy mayor.

I gotta think about the potential consequences.

You can't always go right into damage control.

Sometimes, you have to fix things.

Fix racism?

Great. Ok, tell you what, Carter.

You grab some lunch, you come back in 20 minutes,

I will have that all wrapped up.

I got a better idea.

Why don't I bring back a sandwich from good morning America?

I hear they put out a real nice spread.

Carter, you can't do this. We've got an election 6 months away.

All of our campaign commercials

focus on our record on crime.

Yeah, I've seen them.

The mayor and the campaign mascot, Toby the terrier.

Don't break the law, kids. Woof.

Hey, people love a cab driving dog.

Well, they do.

- Paulie? - Oh, Claudia, thank you for coming.

- I hope I didn't pull you away from anything. - No.

I've pretty much been keeping to myself since we broke up.

Haven't been dating anyone.

Do you realize it's been 6 weeks

since we've seen each other?

Wow. 6 weeks, huh?

Doesn't it feel like so much longer?

Yeah, yeah. I would've said 61/2, 7.

So, Paulie,

you said it was something that couldn't wait.

There's something that's been weighing on me heavily.

Could I ask a question?

The answer is yes.

You haven't even heard the question yet.

Oh, Paul Thomas lassiter,

you are so romantic, but you're right.

I do need to hear you say those words.

Do you think I'm a racist?

Yes!

No. What?!

Am I a bigot?

Isn't there something else you wanted to ask me?

I'm telling you, this is all that's been on my mind.

And I took a cab for this!

I promise, if you answer me, I'll pay for half.

No, Paul, you are not a racist.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, what an angel she is.

I wish I had her back.

You know, Mike,

I, too, have felt the sting of prejudice.

Sir, you're a rich white guy.

Not that I'm criticizing you.

Hope to be one myself someday.

I was an enormous child, Mike,

a real porker.

You know what the other children called me?

Porker?

So, I've told you this story?

I'm heading home, guys.

Oh, and you may want to turn on your television.

It's an outrage that a Black man cannot take

a simple run through the park without being suspected of a crime.

But that's the way it is.

There are people who would rather I swept this under the rug.

That's my line.

The truth is what happened to me

happens to someone every day, and it's shameful.

Deputy mayor Michael Flaherty

had these comments earlier today.

This is an embarrassing situation for everyone involved,

but let's not make mountains out of molehills. Ok?

You guys believe this weather we're having?

I can't believe that's me.

Oh, I know all about that, Mike.

You're here talking, but you're also there talking.

Very trippy stuff.

I mean, I can't believe what I said.

I know, Mike.

agh! I'm sorry.

Me, too, Michael.

You want to kiss this woman.

You put your hand on her thigh,

real soft touch.

Stop that. It tickles.

I'm sorry. I thought that was my leg.

You squeeze her thigh , squeeze it hard.

Ow. What are you doing?

I- I have no idea.

I mean, I like you so much.

I really wanted this to go well.

Really?

Yeah.

Women like strength.

Women like tenderness.

Strength.

Tenderness.

James? Ow!

Thanks, Nikki.

Who's Nikki?

Whatever he's having.

and some water.

Thank you.

Mike, I want you to know

I expect 2 months' severance pay,

and a letter of recommendation.

I'm not firing you, Carter.

I can get you that letter of recommendation,

but I don't know what you're gonna use it for.

Unless you want an invitation

to my mother's for Thanksgiving.

In which case, I gotta warn you.

The conversation is stilted,

and if you have even one forkful of her stuffing,

you're not gonna have a bowel movement

until well after Christmas.

I just came to apologize.

I want to tell you a little joke, Mike.

Anything to lighten the mood.

What do you call a brilliant heart surgeon

who happens to be Black?

Nigger.

Not exactly the tension breaker I was looking for.

Ever tell one of those jokes?

Come on, Carter. How the hell can you ask me that?

Ever laugh at one?

Maybe you didn't laugh.

Maybe you were on a construction site somewhere,

in a back room, and you just never said a word.

If we're gonna make a list

of everything I've done in my life that I'm not proud of,

we'd better start running a tab.

Actually, you already did.

you bought me a few drinks,

and a couple of rounds for everybody in the bar.

Cut me some slack. I thought I was fired.

All right, the Flaherty tab is now officially closed.

Hey!come on! Aw!

And if you enjoyed your drink,

remember, it's a vote for Winston.

Gotta turn it off sometime, Mike.

Yeah, I'm working on it.

But right now, you gotta believe me,

I'm just a guy who needs to know

that he and friend of his are ok.

You have no idea what was taken from me this morning.

How am I supposed to feel safe?

Who do I trust?

You start with your friends.

Are you my friend, Mike?

All right, I wasn't - this morning.

But I think I am.

Well, it's been a big day.

I'm gonna need a little time.

All right. I understand.

So, are we good now?

Never better, Mike. I'll see you tomorrow.

# He's got the whole world in his hands #

# he's got the whole world in his hands #

# he's got the whole world in his hands #

# he's got the little bitty baby in his hands #

# he's got the little bitty baby in his hands #

# he's got the little bitty baby in his hands #

# he's got the whole world in his hands #

# he's got the whole world in his hands #

# he's got the whole world in his hands #

# he's got the whole world in his hands #

# he's got the whole world in his #

# hands #

Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.

moo.

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