Original subtitles

GET OUT YOUR HANDKERCHIEFS

Isn't it good?

It's good.

Then why aren't you eating?

I am eating.

No. You're pecking, nibbIing, forcing it down.

I'm not hungry.

You're never hungry.

Stop, pIease.

Stop? I'm just starting.

I've had it! I want to understand.

Understand what?

Why you're never hungry, for anything!

Lost your appetite?

No.

Yes! And I'II teII you why.

Because you're sick of seeing my face!

I can't say I bIame you.

I'd trade it in, if I couId.

Just once, couId I finish a meaI. . .

. . .without an upset stomach or a migraine?

An upset stomach! Migraines!

It's aIways something! Why?

That does it! Now I'm not hungry either!

SoIange.

I Iove you. Understand?

You drive me crazy, but I Iove you.

I Iove you, too.

No you don't.

You know what's wrong? You need another guy!

Stop taIking nonsense, you dumb jerk. It's insane.

I'm not a dumb jerk.

I'm Iucid, that's what I am.

You need somebody new, another pair of eyes. . .

. . .another pair of baIIs.

Oh, baIIs! I've seen enough.

It's a question of going staIe.

We're in a rut, we need air!

Right now?

It's urgent!

I've had it up the ass with your suIking!

You're drying up!

What's your suggestion?

The guy with gIasses, you dig him?

What guy?

Come off it! Stop insuIting me.

You know which one I mean.

- With the beard? - With the beard.

And cross-eyed from staring at you over his paper.

Does he turn you on?

Very ordinary.

You don't have to marry him.

But just for some kicks - he seems decent, right?

I just want you to be happy, see?

I'm not on an ego trip. There's nothing I wouIdn't give you.

If you want to sIeep with a guy, go on, he's aII yours.

I don't want him!

Come on SoIange, don't be negative.

Let's try to be modern.

Don't move.

Mind if I sit down?

No, not at aII.

Am I interrupting?

It's aII right.

That magazine -- speciaI kind?

Yeah.

What's it about?

Music.

- You Iike music? - Yes.

What kind of music?

Mozart.

Is that about Mozart?

No.

There's an articIe on grand opera.

Interesting?

Very interesting.

Is my wife interesting?

Pardon?

Do you find my wife interesting? Is she your taste?

Is she cIose to your ideaI woman?

I have no ideaI woman.

My ideaI is to see her smiIe.

But she never smiIes anymore.

You haven't answered me.

First of aII, who's your wife?

The IittIe brunette across from us. . .

. . .finishing her sauerkraut,

and pretending we're not here! See who I mean?

The one you've been staring at over my shouIder. . .

. . .whiIe I'm trying to eat a quiet Iunch on Sunday.

If I had a paper and penciI, I'd draw you a picture.

Are you Iooking for a fight?

No, no. Hey, it's 1 97 8. AImost the 21 st century.

ReIaxed. Modern. No more dueIs.

I'm not a possessive guy.

I just want my wife to be happy.

So I'm cutting out. Nice, huh?

You take my pIace. Here,

to cover the check.

Just bring back her smiIe. With me, she's Iost it.

If you get her to smiIe, you'II be my paI.

And when I say to a guy, ''You're my paI. . .''

. . .everything I got is his.

Of course, by then, there isn't much more you couId ask of me.

StiII, it doesn't hurt to be my paI, you dig?

It's your move.

Excuse me, I've got to taIk to you.

It's terribIe.

Have you got a second?

Yes.

Look at me. Do I Iook Iike an idiot?

No.

Know what I just did?

I gave my wife to a stranger, as a gift.

A gift?

Not exactIy a gift, Iet's say I Ient her to him.

Do you think you'II see her again?

If I Iose her, I Iose her.

Her happiness is aII I care about.

Do you reaIize what a dangerous game you're pIaying?

I can't heIp it. I'm hung up on her.

I'm gaga over her. . .

. . .Iike with a kid! You have any kids?

I'm nuts about my wife. . .

. . .and that's an understatement.

She bIows my mind.

HeIp me out.

In that case, I need more information.

What's she Iike?

The brunette with short hair.

She's nothing speciaI.

I know, but she drives me wiId!

Don't mind us.

He's nothing speciaI either.

You think so?

What's the deaI?

We're Ieaving.

That'd be too easy! You're staying.

I want this cIeared up.

It's cIear, it's cIear.

No, it isn't. It's not cIear at aII.

You can't manipuIate me.

Sit down, cards on the tabIe.

I'd better go.

No! Whoever you are, you're staying!

I'm just an innocent bystander!

Says you!

Okay.

WeII?

ExactIy what is this?

Where do I fit in?

You're putting me on. Why?

Nobody's putting you on.

I'm Ietting you have my wife.

Watch out!

If you Iet me, I'II take her!

I'm giving her to you! Want it in writing?

Watch out!

My hoteI's nearby. We won't just taIk.

Be gentIe with her, that's aII.

She's fragiIe and she means a Iot to me.

Take care of her, or eIse. . .

May we know what the principaI party thinks?

You're pIeased, aren't you?

Doesn't give a damn!

So what am I doing here? She doesn't give a damn!

I say, ''Want to come to my hoteI?''

She answers, ''If you want.''

Doesn't give a damn!

Get another guy, she'd be the same.

Not hot, not coId.

''If you want!''

If that's how it is, I'm taking off.

I get uptight around creeps Iike you!

Here, I've got a train to catch!

BeautifuI.

You just met and you made her cry.

Me?

I hurt her feeIings?

What did I say? What did I do?

Next you'II say, it's aII my fauIt!

I had to come here to eat.

You're aII the same, it's never your fauIt.

Women cry and you never understand why.

You don't understand anything!

Go away, this is between us women.

I'II comfort her.

Now, just a minute. . .

Beat it! Shove off! Go pIay outside.

Shove off!

Don't argue, just do what she says.

But I ordered a pIate of musseIs!

Forget it, the waters are poIIuted.

Want to get hepatitis?

I was hungry.

Now you're not.

I am!

I'II get hepatitis if I want! I'm a free man.

No one's free! You won't choose your hepatitis. . .

. . .it'II choose you!

That's what you think!

Where's he going?

My God. . .

. . .what an idea!

We're not wanted.

Why is she bawIing?

I don't know.

For 6 months, she' been on a bad trip.

In what way?

Every way! Migraines, depression, never any fun. . .

. . .won't eat, wasting away before my eyes.

Her Iatest thing is insomnia!

Seen a doctor?

Sure. But they're aII schmucks!

They say she's fine, nothing's wrong. . .

. . .just nerves.

Does she work?

No way, I make good bread, she doesn't have to.

What do you do?

I teach at a driving-schooI.

We're Iucky, too! We found a reaIIy neat pIace.

Okay, not many trees around, but inside it's great.

See? Like the suburbs.

Over here, to the Ieft.

CarefuI, there's a bad step.

Here we are!

Great, eh?

Nice.

How many guys you know have a firepIace these days?

See the beam?

Great.

You shouId see it in the sun.

In summer, the sun hits the bed -

untiI eIeven o'cIock, then it's bIocked by that tower.

You get it back around one o'cIock through the other window,

untiI three in the afternoon.

Then it's bIocked by the other tower.

She knits?

And how! That's a turtIeneck she's knitting for me.

Dig that. 3 different coIors of wooI.

''Chine,'' it's caIIed. See the fringes?

Yeah, it's nice.

Very nice.

The patchwork quiIt on the bed, that's hers.

BeautifuI.

She's Ioaded with ideas for the pIace.

It had 3 rooms when we first saw it.

She said to me, ''Knock out that waII.''

''Knock out that waII, too.''

''Expose the firepIace.'' A IittIe architect!

You did it aII yourseIf?

LittIe by IittIe, on Sundays.

I Iike breaking down waIIs.

Don't you?

Yeah.

- You Iive aIone? - Yeah.

Doesn't it bug you?

Look, at these fIowers. She sure knows how to put coIors together.

Don't you Iike fIowers?

Oh, yeah.

It's a pIeasure. . .

. . .to come home to a weII-kept house. . .

. . .the windows sparkIing, nothing out of pIace.

Just the smeII of beef cooking. . .

. . .or maybe a stew simmering.

The tabIe's set, the firepIace is bIazing.

You pIunk your ass down -

Here, try it!

- No. - Go ahead.

Try it! It's mine.

Stretch your Iegs.

There.

And she sits here with her knitting. . .

. . .and she knits, Iooking into the fire.

What do you do?

I Iook at her, I Iook at the fire.

I Iook at her again.

She smiIes at me as she knits.

You're Iucky.

I was Iucky.

Now it's aII faIIing apart.

She stiII knits, but she doesn't smiIe.

You know much about chicks?

I don't understand them.

Why is she depressed?

Why is she screwed up?

Get her pregnant!

She can't have chiIdren!

Been trying for 2 years.

Shit.

Yeah, it's not as simpIe as that.

Have you seen a doctor?

Three.

And?

Same oId story, ''It's aII psychoIogicaI, keep trying. . .

. . .that's 1 00 doIIars, pIease!''

What are you doing?

I'm taking aspirin.

WeII, I better get going. . .

You're not going to Ieave me aIone with her?

I have to catch a train.

Where to?

B�thune.

I'II give you a ride.

Are you crazy?

Don't be an asshoIe! Stay!

We'II Iight a fire. I'II give you a ride!

What's the matter? What's wrong?

I'm dizzy.

HeIp me get her onto the bed!

I'II get a doctor! Loosen her cIothes!

Doctor, my wife is sick!

I'm not a doctor.

Don't try that. I know you!

I'm not on caII today.

On caII or not, get your ass in gear and come on!

Is that her?

She doesn't Iook sick.

I feeI better.

Two minutes ago she was passing out.

Weirdos.

Weirdos!

Thanks a Iot! I Iook Iike a jerk again.

You're driving me nuts, SoIange, you're driving me up the waII!

It's not her fauIt.

As for you. . .

...you better catch that train to B�thune!

Go ahead!

Very good, very good.

You over there, Iet's go.

AII right, everybody back on this side.

Hi.

What do you want?

I'm sorry about Iast time, I was in bad shape.

You drove 1 50 miIes to apoIogize?

No.

Then what's up?

She's getting worse, I'm worried. I need your heIp!

Again?

What's wrong with her?

She had two more attacks, one in the middIe of the night -- for no reason.

She was coId as ice.

I waited for it to pass Iike the other time, but it didn't!

She said her Iegs were paraIyzed. She cried and cried.

Then I thought about you.

Why me?

If you'd been there, I couId've Ieft her. . .

. . .to get a doctor!

It's aII going to be my fauIt!

PIease, get off my back. Both of you.

Excuse me, I'm working.

Don't be Iike that. I need you.

I drove 3 hours to ask for heIp.

I'm fIipping out. So is she.

I don't know how to handIe her.

Two of us wiII be enough.

Raise it a yard!

Want my diagnosis? I'II give it to you free.

Nothing is wrong with your wife.

It's aII in her head -- No!

It's there.

With women, it's aIways there.

Start a kid growing in there and that'II end. . .

. . .the attacks, the fainting.

Maybe you can make it happen.

Huh? What?

How couId you teII who the father was?

So what? These days, kids need 2 fathers!

When do you get off?

Noon.

We'II pick you up at noon and head for the beach.

A weekend together, just us three.

The sea breeze wiII do her good, the fresh air!

I'm not interested.

You don't Iike her anymore? That's impossibIe!

You two scare me shitIess!

Don't you think we scare ourseIves?

AIone, in front of the fire. . .

. . .I feeI IoneIy. I miss you!

We're strangers!

I feeI Iike I've known you forever.

I Iike you! With you, I can taIk about her.

I Iove her so much it strangIes me!

It's Iike having a secret. . .

. . .that I can't teII!

Let me try to get through to you.

See? I've got my kids, I've got sports.

I even compete a IittIe, to stay in shape.

Sometimes I go to LiIIe. . .

. . .where I have friends.

Two guys can't Iove the same girI! It'II end badIy.

So you're Ietting me down?

I'm saying, keep your wife for yourseIf.

Why don't I just kick your ass?

WeII? What happens now?

Excuse me, I just can't.

Even though I reaIIy want you, beIieve me.

In fact, I've never. . .

. . .been in the sack with a girI as terrific as you.

But knowing he's down there. . .

. . .in that bar, aII aIone. . .

. . .turns me off.

I shouId go have a drink with him.

Go on, I didn't ask anyone for anything.

This is a grotesque situation!

Two imbeciIes in a hoteI bed, unabIe to screw. . .

. . .whiIe the husband waits in a bar for it to be over!

SoIange, where wiII it end?

Bernadette, Iet me teII you. . .

. . .today I'm happy.

Understand? Happy!

My name's not Bernadette.

With your face, your name shouId be Bernadette.

What about my face?

You Iook Iike a Bernadette.

For exampIe, your name couIdn't be IsabeIIe.

Okay, so my name's Bernadette.

AcutaIIy, it's reaIIy Martha but that's just as dumb.

Let's go with Bernadette.

I don't know your name and I don't want to.

AII I know is you're a poor sIob, Iike aII the rest. . .

. . .strictIy out of it.

I can see it in your eyes.

I don't beIieve most peopIe who say they're happy.

When I hear the word ''happiness,'' I cringe.

How do you know you're happy?

Are you in Iove?

Is she pretty?

A cute IittIe ass?

CongratuIations. . .

. . .today you're a winner, but tomorrow?

What's waiting for you tomorrow?

Take me for exampIe, Bernadette-face.

You see me as a nobody. . .

. . .a tramp.

Maybe I am. I'm no bargain.

But another day, in other circumstances. . .

. . .a Iot couId happen between us.

Fate couId give us a IittIe push and. . .

. . .why not?

I'd be the onIy one for you.

You'd just have to feeI a IittIe IoneIy. . .

. . .a IittIe heIpIess. . .

. . .and you might find that Bernadette is a pretty name.

Yes, it's possibIe.

You'd want to be in my arms. . .

. . .to be comforted by me. . .

. . .to hide away in my bed, maybe.

Yes, maybe.

My bed squeaks.

The springs have taken a beating.

No sweat. I can sIeep anywhere.

You know, I'm the kind of girI who's at her best in the dark.

I beIieve you.

I know tricks to keep a guy from sIeeping.

Quick! She's having an attack!

She'II probabIy sIeep untiI tomorrow morning.

That's 1 0 doIIars.

We'II spIit it.

Why does she get these attacks, Doctor?

Four of them in 2 weeks.

Attacks, fainting speIIs -- many women get them!

A woman's nervous system is Iike the weather. . .

. . .we don't understand either one.

Most of my patients are saiIors. . .

. . .so I think twice before I stick my neck out.

Predict good weather and a storm comes up.

Many saiIors' wives get these attacks, too.

- Is she pregnant? - No.

That's good, the shot I gave her wouId've jeopardized a baby.

Want to know what I think?

Remember asking if I knew anything about women?

Yeah, I even remember your answer.

That's right. I don't know much about them.

But there's one thing I've Iearned.

What?

How to teII a first-cIass baII-breaker. . .

. . .from an ordinary baII-breaker.

Okay, so what?

So, I can teII you this about SoIange. . .

. . .she's not an ordinary baII-breaker.

She Iooks Iike an angeI.

How couId you abandon something so fragiIe?

Look at that vein, how it throbs.

Have you ever imagined what's going on. . .

. . .in the body of a woman. . .

. . .asIeep next to you at night?

The bIood circuIating. . .

. . .through a thousand canaIs, some the size of a hair.

The heart pumping away in sIow motion. . .

. . .a whoIe factory working noiseIessIy.

DefenseIess. At the mercy of the sIightest aggression.

Stroke her. . .

. . .she turns. . .

. . .and her puIse speeds up.

Isn't it our job to protect that marveIous machine? So deIicate.

CarefuI! She's dreaming.

Stefan.

I want to ask you something -- something important.

What?

If anything ever happens to me. . .

. . .wiII you take care of her?

I don't want her to end up working in a crummy bar.

I'II take care of her, I promise.

Thanks, you're a good guy.

You're a good guy, too.

Take a Iook.

Every Pocket Book pubIished.

5000 voIumes.

In aIphabeticaI order. . .

. . .C�Iine, CoIette - onIy the greats.

Pick any book at random and give me the number.

21 47.

A Love, by Buzzati.

Another one, quick!

3247.

Imppressions of Africa, by RousseI.

Go, go on.

This wiII get you. . .

. . .1 536.

Sweet Thursday. . .

. . .Steinbeck!

Good oId Mozart.

CouId be worse, huh?

We're going to make a baby!

You'II see.

SoIange?

What?

I think we're in troubIe.

What troubIe?

I Iove you.

I Iove you, too.

I shouId never have picked that restaurant.

You aII right?

I'm fine.

Of aII the pIaces to eat on a Sunday. . .

. . .I had to pick that one.

What are you thinking?

Nothing. I'm just Iistening.

Do you think I picked that restaurant. . .

. . .because something toId me you'd be there?

Something? What?

I don't know.

Like a force.

Maybe there's some force that. . .

. . .makes peopIe meet, if they're destined to meet.

Maybe.

You made me drop a stitch.

When I saw you in there, I said to myseIf:

''Another one with a guy. . .

. . .another one who's going to pass me by.''

''Another one I can never Iove.''

That's what I thought, and then. . .

. . .IncredibIe! IncredibIe!

You're here, with me!

Is that guy crazy, or what?

What guy?

We miss you.

It's just not the same when you're not here.

We feeI a IittIe Iost.

I'm not saying we haven't had some good times. . .

. . .but we can't stop thinking about you.

You might say. . .

. . .we're depressed, knowing you're aII aIone.

HeIIo?

RauI? Are you there?

Shhh. She's asIeep.

She Iooks very paIe to me.

I couIdn't teII you on the phone, but. . .

. . .it's not working.

No, it's not working. Something's not normaI.

I do my best to entertain her.

It's no use. ImpossibIe to make her Iaugh.

ImpossibIe to make her taIk.

It's Iike she's forcing herseIf to Iive.

There's got to be a way. You've got to do something.

I Ieave her aII my records. She doesn't Iisten to them.

She doesn't read my books.

Nothing excites her.

AII she does is housework.

The windows, the fIoor, the Iaundry.

Never stops scrubbing!

She's aIways Iiked that.

There's a question I keep asking myseIf.

What's that?

Is it possibIe that she's just pIain dumb?

Scrub and knit, that's aII she does!

ImpossibIe!

ImpossibIe.

A guy Iike me couIdn't Iove a dumb chick!

- My God! - What's happening?

Over there. She's over there.

We're Iooking for SoIange.

The one from the train?

Yes. Where is she?

Ward B. ReIatives?

Yes. And you?

Dr. DeIambre. I treated her.

Is it bad?

Or is it nothing, as usuaI?

I don't understand.

Is it serious or not?

AbsoIuteIy not.

What does that teII us?

Why do you say so?

Save your breath.

There's onIy one thing these doctors know for sure. . .

. . .and that's where to send the biII.

Get dressed, we're taking you out!

Why don't you just give up on me.

I've jinxed every guy I've ever known.

Just forget about me.

What did you say? What did she say?

Just buIIshit.

She doesn't say much, but when she does. . .

Get up!

Where are your cIothes?

I won't go!

You don't want to come with us?

Did you hear that, Stefan?

Get up, the joke's over.

I'm staying here! I'm fine here!

Just us women! My girIfriends!

No more troubIe with men!

We give you troubIe?

Keep it up, we'II Ieave for good.

WeII, get the heII out!

What do you two give me?

Nothing! Not even a IittIe miscarriage.

NormaI girIs are easy to find!

You can pick and choose!

Where the heII is my handkerchief?

Here's a present from my oId paI, Mozart.

He heard you were sick so he wrote you some music.

That cIarinetist is no one-arm bandit!

Man, he's the best - Gervase de Brumer.

Do you Iike it?

Yes, I Iike it.

Listen to that.

Listen to him work that instrument.

That's good, very good.

The guy who wrote that music was unIucky in Iove!

HeII, the poor guy died when he was 35.

35 years oId! What a Ioss.

The dumb bastards just Iet him die!

Sure, aII they knew how to do back then was to bIeed you.

Got a coId? Pump 2 quarts out of him!

WeII, now it's car accidents, so it's the same thing. . .

. . .because peopIe drive Iike asshoIes!

What did Mozart die of?

No one knows exactIy.

With antibiotics, he might've written 40 more symphonies. . .

. . .and Beethoven couId've gotten in Iine!

Mozart is one guy I wish I'd known.

How about me?

AII the times he's picked me up when I was down.

Before I met you, he was my onIy friend.

If onIy we couId've invited him up for dinner.

Or a drive in the country.

WouId he dig that?

He dug everything! He was a reguIar guy.

He couId've had the girI.

We'd have said, ''WoIfgang, she's aII yours!''

''Her name is SoIange, a gift from your admirers.''

He wouId've written her a sonata.

- Y'know. . . - Yeah?

Listen to this. . .

. . .imagine he was reincarnated.

Who?

Your paI, Mozart.

Get the picture?

Reincarnated, man! You with me?

He's down there, in the street. . .

. . .he's waIking, in a daze.

His cIothes are shabby.

He's Iost.

Nobody's out, everyone's in bed.

And what does he hear?

Our music. His music!

His concerto coming from somewhere.

That bIows oId Mozart's mind!

He Iets the sound guide him.

He gets near our pIace.

He thinks, ''It must be coming from that oId buiIding.''

He opens the downstairs door and steps in.

He hesitates.

Now he can hear the music better.

It roIIs down the haII, drawing him on irresistibIy.

He heads for the stairs. . .

He thinks, ''There can't be a whoIe orchestra in this dump!''

''Who wouId've thought I'd ever be so popuIar?''

Son of a bitch!

He starts up the stairs.

He cIimbs them softIy, step by step. . .

. . .in his pumps and white stockings.

At every step, his concerto becomes cIearer.

One fIoor, two fIoors, he gets to our Ianding.

He stops and stands stiII.

He stands there, trembIing.

Right outside our door.

He Iistens, hoIding his breath.

His concerto, pIayed as never before!

Gervas De Brumer.

The cIarinetist he'd never dared hope for!

It's three in the morning! I've got to get up at five!

Cut out that racket or I'II caII the cops.

You're gonna shut up and Iisten to Mozart!

Screw your music. I Iike siIence!

Gervase De Brumer, the best cIarinetist in the worId!

Sit down, shut your mouth and open your ears!

I teII you aII I want to do is sIeep.

I'm a smaII grocer who's worn out.

Supermarkets, Iawyers, tax inspectors -- aII on my ass!

The Labor Department is on my ass. . .

. . .aII of France is on my ass. . .

. . .and your music won't Iet me sIeep.

So fuck your Mozart, I don't know the guy!

He can't Iend me the money to pay my biIIs!

Lay off Mozart, he's my paI!

He had debts, too.

At the end of his Iife, he was so broke he nearIy froze his ass off!

But he went on composing!

Not peddIing vegetabIes!

What have you got against vegetabIes?

Is seIIing them a crime? Everybody eats vegetabIes!

We prefer meat.

You want a drink?

No thanks.

''No thanks?''

Are you trying to say you're not a Iush?

The face that Iaunched 1 000 bottIes!

I'm on the wagon, doctor's orders.

Doctors are asshoIes!

The Iess you Iisten, the better you'II be.

Come on, bend that oId eIbow.

Drink, or I'II be offended.

That's more Iike it.

Thanks, Mozart.

What?

Say, ''Thanks, Mozart.''

Thanks Mozart.

Better than being in bed, right?

A IittIe more?

We'II heIp you in the store, we'II Iug your vegetabIes!

CIose your eyes, drink and Iisten to Mozart.

I'm sIeepy, I teII you.

There's the bed. You can sIeep there!

You can't go now, we'd miss you.

You came here on your own.

Miss. . .

If you can make her Iaugh, she's yours.

For weeks we've tried to get her to smiIe.

No Iuck! We're fIipping out!

Do us a favor. Make her Iaugh!

I'd Iike to heIp, but I don't see how. . .

Think of something!

Why are you doing that?

So the bIood goes to her head.

Want the house doctor?

Mind your own business! We've seen enough doctors!

- FeeI better? - This happen often?

It happens.

Often?

From time to time.

Is she pregnant?

No!

Often in the first 3 months, they're subject to fainting speIIs.

WouId you pIease mind your own business?

You aren't a neighbor, after aII!

It's a probIem.

What is?

Fainting speIIs.

It worries us too, I'II teII you.

It's because she can't bear chiIdren.

Why? What do they do to her?

Who?

The chiIdren.

Nothing.

So why can't she bear them?

What I meant was. . .

. . .she can't have chiIdren.

Say what you mean! I'm not a mind reader!

KindIy ask your neighbor to get off my ass.

Who says she can't have them?

She can't get pregnant.

She says it's hopeIess.

What are you handing me?

She's made to have kids, anyone can see that.

Yeah, but she's got some kind of a bIock.

UnbIock her!

He's very funny! How?

Find a gimmick.

What gimmick?

Any gimmick! A knack! A trick!

You're young! Get your ass in gear!

Summer's coming. Vacation time.

What're your pIans?

What are our pIans?

I don't know.

Stop sitting around Iike jerks!

Rack your brains.

Be quiet, pIease!

PIease.

I know you're aII eagerIy waiting for dessert.

I'm pIeased to announce that tonight it's ''petit suisse.''

As you know, ''petit suisse'' is a tripIe-cream cheese. . .

. . .to be eaten pIain or sweetened.

It's not to be thrown at each other!

It's a food, not a projectiIe.

KindIy remember that!

Since I'm the goat, have your fun!

AII right! AII right!

Take off your makeup.

You poor bastard.

A ''petit suisse?''

I'm not mad at them, you know.

They have their idea of fun, I have mine.

What's your idea of fun?

Mathematics. . .

. . .photography, astroIogy, Ianguages.

So you're a brain?

An IQ of 1 58.

Is that high?

Enormous, way above average.

So you think your shit doesn't stink?

What I think doesn't matter, there are scientific tests.

Don't be jeaIous, inteIIigence isn't happiness! The proof --

Who's jeaIous?

I'm sure our own IQ's. . .

. . .are far from negIigibIe.

I can give you some tests.

What I wonder is. . .

. . .what's him and his IQ doing in this crummy camp?

Ask my parents.

Who are your parents?

Creeps.

They usuaIIy are.

But what kind of creeps?

Just creeps. Ordinary creeps.

EspeciaIIy my father.

I can forgive my mother.

She has a nice smiIe, at times.

And she pIays a IittIe piano.

She's not bad, but she's rusty.

She shouId practice more.

As for my father. . .

. . .up at 6 a.m., by 7 he's in his big Citroen.

''A boss arrives before his workers. . .''

''. . .and Ieaves after them, to set a good exampIe.''

So he gets home around 7 p.m.

He takes off his tie and turns on the TV.

We have a stereo that Iooks Iike a Boeing instrument paneI. . .

. . .he can't even work it.

I have to expIain it to him.

He onIy Iikes Wagner.

Wagner bugs me, I prefer Schubert.

What about Mozart?

He's aII right, once in a whiIe.

Once in a whiIe? Listen to him!

Big brain, maybe. . .

. . .no ear, definiteIy!

Not at aII! I give Mozart his due. . .

. . .but you can't Iisten onIy to Mozart!

Yes, you can!

Mozart is enough for me. . .

. . .my Iife is fuII.

You can't just ignore Hayden, Schumann, Brahms. . .

. . .not to mention Beethoven.

- Beethoven. . .come on! - You oId dumbass!

That's no expIaination why the boss's brat's here.

In a crappy camp for immigrants and poor miners.

. . .who can bareIy wipe their asses!

My father caIIs it ''Iearning the hard way. . .''

. . .for the sake of the factory.

For the sake of the factory?

Since I'm destined to manage workers. . .

. . .it seems I have to Iearn to know them.

Their feeIings, reactions, customs -

Those tests you mentioned, wanna give them to us?

If you want.

What's the point?

It might teII us something.

Scared?

Not at aII! We've got nothing to hide.

We'II start simpIy.

The tree test.

What's that?

You draw a tree.

What kind?

Just a tree!

I can draw you ten trees.

One is enough.

Sycamore, Iarch, baobab -

Any kind.

Right, any tree. Here we go.

Why is she snickering?

Aren't those pretty trees?

What do you think of them?

- WeII. . . - WeII what?

I mean -

You mean what?

They're fine trees! They're terrific!

What the heII's so funny?

We're morons, is that it?

We draw trees Iike morons!

Let's not exaggerate, but -

She's cracking up, she thinks we're cretins.

Make up your minds!

Do you want me to Iaugh or not?

I don't know how to act!

She's better.

She's much better!

Wasn't she aII right before?

You worry about your trees!

Whose turn is it tonight?

Isn't it mine?

I'm not sure.

Weren't you with her Iast night?

I can't seem to remember.

You crazy or what?

You don't know if you sIept aIone or with SoIange?

I don't know.

Who is it?

Us.

Come in.

Do you remember who sIept with you Iast night?

I've been so sIeepy IateIy that I -

That's not much heIp.

You stay.

Why me? You stay.

No, it reaIIy doesn't matter.

I want to do some reading tonight.

Who do you want to sIeep with?

What if I sIept aIone?

If that's what you want. . .

. . .it's your right.

You tired of us?

No, I ate too much, I'm a IittIe nauseous.

It doesn't matter.

Shoe-poIish his prick! Shoe-poIish his prick!

Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet!

FaII in by twos!

Hurry up! Hurry up!

One's missing.

It's Christian!

Christian who?

Christian BeIoeiI!

BeIoeiI!

Anyone seen BeIoeiI?

BeIoeiI!

I'm not going back to camp.

- Want to go home? - No.

Then what do you want?

Nothing. To be Ieft aIone.

I'm sick of being a chiId.

Why?

I'm sick of having others decide for me.

PeopIe Iess competant than I am.

Like my mother. . .she had troubIe having a baby.

She struggIed ten years to have one -- me.

By what right?

Other women knock themseIves out not to have kids!

You have to admit I'm unIucky.

You shouIdn't taIk Iike that.

I never asked anyone for anything.

You shouIdn't say such things.

Why not?

Just because. . .

Can't you have chiIdren?

No.

You don't need to have any,

there are enough as it is.

Don't bring any more into the worId.

It's better to heIp those that exist.

Take me, for exampIe.

You didn't carry me around for nine months. . .

. . .but I Iike you better than my mother.

Is that a good book?

Pretty boring.

How's yours?

I don't understand a word.

SoIange?

Are you awake?

Shame on you.

I didn't do anything. . .

I just wanted to Iook. . . I was curious.

You had no right!

Listen, SoIange. . .

. . .okay, Iet's face facts.

You invited me into your bed.

That was to protect you!

In the dorm, they pick on you.

I'm 1 3 years oId! I'm not made of stone.

Accept your responsibiIities. . . you Ied me on!

I'm sorry.

Get out. I'm through with you.

PIease, don't be bitchy.

You're a monster. Get out!

I'II teII you one thing.

It's good you can't have a kid.

If you did, you'd screw him up. . .

. . .and he'd be unhappy.

What do you mean, he'd be unhappy?

There wouId be times when. . .

. . .he'd want to be near you. . .

. . .very near.

To Iook at you, to touch you.

To hoId you in his arms.

And you'd push him away.

Come here!

Why do you say that?

Have I pushed you away? Or hurt you?

Am I reaIIy a monster?

No. . .you're nice.

Don't cry.

I'm sorry. I shouIdn't have done what I did.

It doesn't matter, it's not serious.

SoIange?

I'm here.

HoId me.

My IittIe boy.

I don't know why, but IateIy. . .

. . .I've feIt so strange.

Sometimes I feeI as though I'm suffocating.

As if my chest is too smaII for what's inside.

I'm bored and excited at the same time.

Since I've known you, it's gotten worse.

Do you think it's normaI?

Yes. . .it's normaI.

You're becoming a man.

You smeII so good.

AII right now, you be good.

I have to ask you something.

Go on.

It's not easy to expIain.

WeII, my vacation ends in ten days.

We'II head north in the bus.

We'II say goodbye among the suitcases.

I'II get into dad's car, and never see you again.

I'II have to wait for 5 or 6 years. . .

. . .for another chance Iike this.

What chance?

To be aIone in a room Iike tonight. . .

. . .with a woman, a reaI woman. . .

. . .who couId show me things, Iike a friend.

Who'd pIay games with me. . .

. . .without getting mad.

But you're too young!

Excuse me.

Sometimes I start thinking my dreams are reaI.

I began to imagine you were my age.

It's fooIish.

I'II Ieave now.

I'II go back to the dorm.

I'II faII asIeep thinking of you.

For years, I'II faII asIeep thinking of you.

AsIeep.

You sure they're asIeep. . .?

Not a sound.

I hear something.

It's nothing. Now come on!

I know the IittIe bastard is precocious. . .

. . .but Iet's not exaggerate.

The IQ is Iocated in the brain, not in the baIIs!

Yeah, but the brain controIs the baIIs, man!

Cut the buIIshit, it's impossibIe!

Says you! I scored at 1 3. . .

When I was 1 3, I couId go aII night!

You're buiIt different than him.

You're a sports freak!

Hey, your new gIasses reaIIy suit you. . .

Going to see your foIks?

- No. - Why not?

Don't want to.

You don't want to?

I just know I couId never do it.

AII right, what's going on?

I wanna stay with you.

No way, IittIe man. . .no way!

You can't just drop me here.

I agree.

With what?

We'II keep him.

But how?

She's nuts!

I won't bother you! I'II stay out of your way!

Don't take him away from me, I need him.

WeII, this is just great. . .

Who's gonna teII the parents? Mr. FaII Guy?

Where are they?

No, no. . .go on, BoIoeiI!

HeIIo, ma'am. HeIIo, sir.

Where's Christian?

Over there. . . He's fine, don't worry.

May I get in for a second?

What's wrong?

Nothing serious. . . just a smaII snag.

Christian doesn't want to go home with you.

He doesn't want to come home?

He says he can't do it.

It's a joke!

I'm afraid not.

Why won't he come home, may I ask?

Because you're creeps. . . Quote-unquote.

No reason not to beIieve it.

With his IQ, if he says so, it must be true.

CharIes! Are you iII? Where are your piIIs?

Which pocket?

Wait for me!

What happened? You hurt?

Son of a bitch! Something's broken!

No way!

Yes! It hurts.

See? You're waIking.

I am not!

You are!

Who says I'm waIking?

Okay. . .I'm waIking.

I'II go home, it's better that way.

Yes, perhaps.

Do you come up north often?

Yes.

Can we see each other?

If you want.

Got my address?

Yes.

Do you have a phone in Paris?

No.

I'd Iike to kiss you.

Me, too.

When I'm 1 8, you'II be. . .?

Kiss me.

Any news of the kid?

They stuck him in a boarding-schooI!

It's reaIIy a. . .

. . .royaI screw-up aII down the Iine.

How's SoIange?

Being examined right and Ieft! They're searching. . .

They won't find anything.

What she needs is a kid!

TiII she has one, we're up shit creek!

ReIax, it doesn't heIp.

I can't! I'd Iike to go bust up the hospitaI.

And I came to hear some Mozart.

WeII, not today! If Mozart were here, he'd be hiding.

He wouIdn't be at the piano, he'd make himseIf smaII.

Good morning, I brought you some tangerines.

Won't you try one?

She's a zombie.

Stuffed with tranquiIizers.

Did you find his schooI?

It's impossibIe.

Is it on the coast, in the mountains?

Is it in France, SwitzerIand, EngIand?

I made 250 caIIs! 3 days in a phone booth!

Stefan brought me sandwiches.

I'm sorry to disturb you, but. . .

. . .we're doing a nation-wide survey. . .

. . .on the QuaIity of Life in France.

WouId you answer one or two questions for us?

Yes, but pIease don't take too Iong. . .

. . .because I have an appointment.

I must Ieave at 3 sharp, I can't be Iate.

I have a session with my physicaI therapist.

I have this troubIe with my vertebrae. . .

so I have to exercise my back muscIes.

The muscIes hoId the vertebrae in pIace.

Weak muscIes cause the vertebrae to be dispIaced.

AII sorts of probIems can resuIt.

For exampIe, one day I found myseIf. . .

. . .with one eye stuck wide open.

ImpossibIe to cIose it.

I promise it won't take Iong.

Come in.

It's not necessary, this wiII take 5 minutes.

In fact, one question wiII do it.

This is the question. . .

In your opinion, how many chiIdren must a famiIy have. . .

. . .to be termed a ''Iarge'' famiIy?

I don't know. . .

Three. . .four. . .

Five?

I'm not very quaIified to answer.

But aII around this region. . .

. . .you have miners' famiIies.

PersonaIIy, I onIy have one chiId. . .a son.

But Iet me teII you, right now he's causing us. . .

. . .a Iot of worry, with his escapades!

Much as we hated to, my husband and I . . .

. . .had to put him in a boarding-schooI.

But naturaIIy we found the finest!

Progressive. . .

. . .in the mountains, Iots of fresh air.

In winter, they ski every afternoon.

You know St. Etienne in Beaufort?

That's where he is.

Then what did she do?

Took off her nightgown.

Bitch!

She was naked?

CompIeteIy?

Did she have big tits?

What'd you do then?

Did you feeI her up?

I didn't dare.

You didn't do anything?

She kissed me.

On the mouth?

With her tongue?

And then?

That's enough. . .

No way!

You can't stop!

Can't Ieave us hanging. . .

Come on, don't be a bastard.

She took off my pajamas.

You were both naked?

It's a Iie!

I don't care if you don't beIieve me.

Don't con us!

Let him taIk!

Then what happened?

Her head moved to the piIIow. . .

Her eyes were shut. . .

She was moaning softIy. . .

She Iooked happy.

What's it Iike inside?

Is it hairy?

Not on the inside.

Is it easy to get into it?

How do you feeI, when you're in?

Good. . .You want to say there.

Does it hurt?

No. . .not at aII.

Listen to me, you guys.

BoIoeiI is putting us on. It's buIIshit!

He never did a thing!

Are you ready to swear it's aII true?

Yes. . .I swear it.

Mrs. BoIoeiI, pIease don't get aII upset.

It's not a kidnapping! We're not asking for ransom.

Your son is just spending the weekend with friends.

He'II be back at schooI Monday morning.

Shit, no! I'm staying with you!

I said Monday morning! It's not a kidnapping.

Shut up!

We're tired of hearing about this kidnapping stuff.

We're here to discuss production. . .

. . .pay raises, re-hiring the men you Iaid off!

You're not Ieaving here untiI that's done!

In mortaI danger! Do you know what that means?

A chiId in mortaI danger!

A 1 3-year-oId chiId.

Sensitive. . .deIicate. . .defenseIess!

HeIIo, young man. GIad to meet you.

Who's he?

A neighbor.

How do you do, sir.

I see your mother in your mouth and chin.

You know her?

I have that honor. . . a deIightfuI woman.

Don't worry, Christian. . . I'II rescue you!

WhiIe I'm aIive, you're safe.

Trust Mama! From now on, you stay with me.

Your creep of a father can go hang himseIf!

''It'II form his character. . .''

Chairman-of-the-board buIIshit!

You have character! You escaped. . .

. . .and he's trapped in his factory!

What a Iaugh! The father incarcerated.

If onIy Mozart were here. . .

If Mozart were here. . .

. . .Iet me teII you, he'd be depressed.

Why?

The idea of going back to boarding schooI on Monday. . .

. . .wouIdn't inspire any HaIIeIujahs.

It wouId have been better to Ieave me in my room.

Giving a chiId faIse hopes is a dirty trick!

SoIange wanted to see you.

When she doesn't see you, she gets sick.

So after Monday, she'II be sick again.

One step forward, two back.

Kidnapping! Have you ever heard of that?

The abduction of a minor!

Want us to wind up in jaiI. . .

. . .for 20 years? LittIe jerk!

Stop and think about it.

If no ransom is demanded, it's not kidnapping.

And if the chiId consents. . .

. . .it's even Iess of a kidnapping.

You'd get 2 or 3 years at most.

The question is: do you want SoIange to get weII?

When you do something, you shouId go aII the way.

Do it right.

What's wrong, you scared?

She took off with the kid!

DoubIe-crosser!

When a woman wants a kid, you can bet she'II get one!

If we teII you that kidnapping wasn't our idea. . .

. . .that we pIanned to take him back to schooI on Monday. . .

. . .you'II Iaugh, right?

If we teII you that, actuaIIy. . .

. . .the kid kidnapped us and we're the victims. . .

. . .you'II reaIIy spIit a gut!

If we teII you the guiIty parties. . .

. . .are reaIIy the kid's parents. . .

. . .Mr. and Mrs. BeIoeiI, who Iive in the town of B�thune. . .

. . .and you shouId Iock them up. . .

. . .you'II say we're nuts!

So what do you want us to say?

Here. . .stick the cuffs on us!

Toss us in the cIink. We're aII yours!

She's aIive. . .

DeIightfuI!

Who are you?

A neighbor, a next-door neighbor.

A neighbor?

My face is sureIy famiIiar. . .

Just the other day, we chatted on your doorstep.

I can't seem to remember anything.

Where are we?

On the edge of Route 944, at the 1 6 miIe mark.

It's a beautifuI spot. . .

And beautifuI weather. . . but it rained Iast night.

You must've skidded.

Is that my car?

Yes, Madam.

There was probabIy ice on the curve.

I don't remember a thing. . . I think I've Iost my memory.

Don't be afraid. I'm a friend. . .

Good evening.

Good evening, SoIange.

No news of my wife?

No sir. . .no news.

You reaIIy shouId stop thinking about her, sir.

I try, SoIange, I try.

How about a good stiff Scotch?

You know the doctors forbid it.

Just a pick-me-up. . .

. . .I think you're going to need it.

Why? Do you have some news?

Wait a second, I'II expIain.

I'm Iistening.

It's about SoIange.

WeII?

She's pregnant.

ReaIIy. . .

By me.

When is it due?

ApriI.

CongratuIations, son.

WiII you do me a IittIe favor?

Anything.

In ''The CompIete Works of Schubert. . .''

. . .on the first record you'II find. . .

. . .a piece entitIed ''Hungarian MeIody.''

The one Mama pIayed on the piano?

I'd Iike to hear it.

Quite Ioud, pIease.

Six months in the sIammer for a bitch Iike her!

I'm stiII gIad I'm me and not her.

We won't go get her this time!

No way!

She can stay right where she is, in the shit house!

That's not by Mozart.

Who's it by?

No idea, but it's not Mozart!