Original subtitles

(triumphant orchestra music) (bee buzzes)

(bee grunts)

(bee buzzes)

(moves into grunge rock music)

(bee buzzes)

(moves into dreamy music)

(alarms wailing)

- There's something wrong.

- [Carla] The machine has expelled all of its energy

directly into Emmanuelle.

- [Sanders] What?!

- [William] Emmanuelle is taking all of the energy,

which means the wormhole is forming inside of her.

(Emmanuelle moaning) (Sanders mumbles)

- [William] That simple.

- [Dr. Blue] Then, shut it off! It's that simple!

(zapping and whirling)

(Emmanuelle screams)

(Emmanuelle screams)

(explosive crashing)

(dreamlike harp music)

- Dr. Blue?

Carla?

William?

Where am I?

I know this story.

What's my line?

Curiouser and curiouser?

(mysterious orchestra music)

(birds chirping)

Eat me. Drink me?

Drink me? Eat me?

Well, you eat something first,

and then you wash it down.

Right?

(stretching and whirling)

Well, I had a 50-50 chance.

(pop)

Here goes nothing.

(dwindling whistles)

(powerful orchestra music)

* Doo-doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo

(bouncy acoustic guitar music)

(bee buzzes)

* Doo-doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo

(bug buzzing)

(bouncy kazoo music)

(bee buzzing)

* Doo-doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo

* Doo-doo

- Just go with it, Emmanuelle.

You'll wake up soon.

(muffled chattering)

(flirty laughter)

- How's the tea, ladies?

- This is some good shit. (laughs)

(women giggling)

- [Mad Hatter] Oh, hello!

We have a new guest!

Have you come to partake in my services,

insert name here?

- Emmanuelle.

(flirty laughter)

What's going on?

- Oh, it's just a tea party!

My, you are scrumptious.

I'm tempted to do you on the house.

- On the house?

- Well, at least the table.

- How do I compare to your spider friend?

- He's not my friend. I don't like spiders.

- [Emmanuelle] What is that?

- [Mad Hatter] That's Timothy, the tit mouse.

- And you're the Mad Hatter, I take it.

- [Mad Hatter] Oh, you could take it,

if you promise to give it back.

The thing is it comes attached,

and the rest of me is part of the package, I'm afraid.

But most of the ladies don't seem to mind.

That's Goldilocks, who speaks when

three bears worth of experience.

- I can't take it anymore. I'm so horny, Hatter.

Do me. Do me now.

- Me too.

- What are you?

A gigolo?

- Oh! You got it in one!

But let me further explain

this wondrous world you're visiting.

(funky jazz music)

* Nothin' is nothin, and all is all

* Big is little, and short is tall

* In is out, and up is down

* The world is flat, and the sky is round

* So do the jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Dance with a gigolo

* Jiggle-jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Try to wiggle, wiggle-wiggle

* Go baby, go, go, go, go

* Go, go, go

* Do the jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Like a bowl of Jell-O

(trumpet solo)

* Who knows what this is really all about

* Send us a postcard if you figure it out

* But never say never, and have no fear

* 'Cause all I know is it's great to be here

* Doin' the jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Dance with the gigolo

* Jiggle-jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

* Like a bowl of Jell-O

- I don't think you'll be needing this for a while.

* Jiggle, jiggle-jiggle

(lighthearted orchestra music)

(knocking at door)

- [Queen] If you bring good news, enter.

If not, go away and die.

- The deed is done, my Queen.

- Snow White is no more?

- [Gregory] Her heart.

- Excellent.

Now, we'll see who's the fairest of them all.

- Fairest. (chuckles)

- Why? What do you mean by that?

- Oh, nothing, my Queen.

It's just that you had me kill Snow White

for her growing up to become more beautiful than you.

She didn't do anything wrong.

It was just, uh, genetics.

So, I'm not sure if that would qualify as

really being fair.

(Queen chuckles)

- Leave me, before I cut your heart out as well.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall--

- [Voiceover] I'm actually not on the wall.

- What?

- [Voiceover] I'm a standing mirror.

I'm a good four feet from the wall.

- So?

- [Voiceover] I'm just saying.

- Fine.

Mirror, mirror, against the wall--

- [Voiceover] Near the wall, not really against it.

(Queen chuckles)

- Mirror, mirror, near the wall,

who's the fair--

Who's the sexiest of them all?

(mysterious chiming)

Who the fuck is that?!

- [Voiceover] Her name is Emmanuelle.

She's just arrived in this land.

- From where?

- [Voiceover] Another world.

- You've gotta be kidding me.

First, I have to deal with this Dorothy bitch.

Then, this Alice chick pops out of a rabbit's hole.

What the hell's going on here?

Are they posting open house signs

at the edge of the kingdom?

(grunts)

Gregory!

- [Gregory] I'm sorry, my queen.

Please don't kill me.

I couldn't do it.

I tried, but I ...

- [Queen] What are you talking about?

I just found out yet another crazy bitch,

from another world, is infringing on my turf.

And now, I gotta get rid of her.

- [Gregory] Oh. (chuckles)

- So what is it you couldn't do?

- I couldn't figure out which way

to put the sheets on your bed.

I mean, do they go facing up or facing down?

Does the seam go in or out?

Does the pattern-- - [Queen] Just fix it!

- [Queen] I'm going out.

I've got someone else to destroy.

(mysterious orchestra music)

- She doesn't know that Snow White is still alive, does she?

I couldn't kill her.

- [Voiceover] She didn't ask.

(magical chime)

- [Gregory] Damn, Snow White is fine.

The things she does with those ruby lips.

- You liked? Hmm?

- [Gregory] Oh, yeah. I sure did.

Wait.

You're not Snow White.

You're just an image in the mirror.

- I know.

But, I'm a magic mirror

who has feelings, too.

Come through the looking glass,

and I'll show you a real good time.

- [Gregory] Okay.

(mysterious harp music)

(moves into slow orchestra music)

(Snow White moans)

- Yes! (moans)

(Gregory moans)

- Wow.

That surely was magical,

Mirror.

- [Voiceover] That will be $500.

- What?

- [Voiceover] I'm a working mirror, here.

Nothing's for free.

Cough it up, buddy.

(lighthearted orchestra music)

- [Emmanuelle] Can anyone help me here?

- [Voiceover] That depends.

What kind of help do you require?

- Who said that?

- [Voiceover] Look down.

Look to the left.

Near the (mumble).

Yes, it is I, the frog, Carmine.

- A talking frog?

I should've guessed that one.

Let me guess, you're actually a prince

who's been cursed, and now you need a princess

to kiss you in order to turn back into a human?

- [Carmine] You're good,

but you're great if you happen to be a princess.

(creaking)

And, you're not.

You see, their curse goes deeper than that.

Only a princess can open my ball to kiss me.

- Yeah, I'm not a princess,

just a woman trying to find her way home.

- [Carmine] Well, if you help me find a princess,

I will do what I can to help you.

- Thanks, Carmine, but I really

don't have any place to put you.

- [Carmine] I'm pretty low maintenance.

I can fit inside your-- - [Emmanuelle] No.

- [Carmine] Well, how about between your--

- [Emmanuelle] No.

- [Carmine] Being a frog, I have certain tongue skills that

you might find very-- - [Emmanuelle] Absolutely, no.

- [Emmanuelle] Sorry, but if I happen to find a princess,

I'll send her your way.

- [Carmine] It's not easy being green.

(blood curdling scream) (deep roaring)

(crunching)

(belch)

(knocking at door)

- [Wolfie] Just a second!

Red, is that you?

Come on in.

Grandma's been waiting.

(mischievous orchestra music)

(mumbles)

Oh, dear God.

- I'm not Little Red Riding Hood, moron.

I'm your queen.

Now, get out of bed,

and stop impersonating Grandma, Wolfie.

I have an assignment for you.

(rooster crows)

- [Bo Peep] Little Blue.

I thought you was fast asleep.

- [Blue] Shouldn't you be watching your sheep, Bo Peep?

(Bo Peep moans)

- [Bo Peep] You distracted me,

sleepin' in the nude.

(moans)

You should be blowing your horn.

- [Blue] I'm about to blow it, all right.

(animals wildly yelling)

- Excuse me. (Bo Peep moans)

Sorry, but I was wondering if you could help me.

I'm trying to find my way back home, and--

- Oh no!

I lost 'em!

The sheep! They're gone!

- Don't worry. Relax.

My dogs will ...

My dogs!

- You're a big help.

- They never run away.

Never!

- Look, I was just wondering if you could help me find--

- [Blue] And what do you think I'm doin'?!

(horn blows) (funky bass guitar music)

(horn blows)

* Looking 'round, up and down

* For my little blue dogs

* You know I wept when my baby stepped

* On my little blue dogs

* I'm really sick of how my baby did my little blue dogs

* Up in the air, flyin' everywhere

* My little blue dogs

* Everything's got to be somewhere

* Oh where, oh where can they be

* I never thought I'd lose my true love

* They belong right here with me

* Little blue dogs

* My little blue dogs

(horse whinnies)

* Little blue dogs

* My little blue dogs

* Lookin' here, lookin' there for my little blue dogs

* I sadly feel that they're runnin' scared

* My little blue dogs

* In the park, thought I heard a bark

* From my little blue dogs

* It was just the wind, not my little friends

* My little blue dogs (horse whinnies)

* Little blue dogs

* My little blue dogs

* Little blue dogs

* My little blue dogs

* Lookin' here, lookin' there (horn blows)

* For my little blue dogs

* I sadly feel that they're runnin' scared

* My little blue dogs

(funky bass solo)

(thrilling screech)

- Sorry.

I didn't see you standing there.

- Perhaps you weren't looking.

- Well, actually I am looking.

Just trying to find a way back home.

You see, I'm a stranger in these parts.

- [Witch] Yes, you certainly are.

- [Emmanuelle] Would you happen to know where I could find

a wizard, or genie, fairy godmother in the near vicinity?

- There's a house, over yonder,

where you might be able to find some help.

- Yonder?

- What?

- You said yonder.

- Yes.

Do you have a problem with that?

- No, I just didn't think anybody used that word anymore.

- It's a perfectly good word.

It means over there.

- [Emmanuelle] I know what it means.

- Then shut up, and let me finish.

(giggles) You young whippersnappers.

- Whippersnapper?

- Yes.

And that means asshole.

- You don't have to be rude.

- I don't have to be nice, either.

I'm just saying, you go over there,

enter that house, and all my troubles will be over.

Okay? - [Emmanuelle] Your troubles?

- [Witch] Yes, your troubles.

- But, you said, "My troubles."

- Right. Your troubles.

- No, you said your troubles,

referring to your troubles.

- I said your troubles, referring to your troubles,

not my troubles.

- [Emmanuelle] But, that's not what you said.

You said, "My troubles,"

referring to your troubles, not mine.

- [Witch] You're trying my patience,

girly.

- Sorry.

So, you said I just need to go over yonder?

- Ya makin' fun of me now?

- [Emmanuelle] No, I just wanna make sure

I heard what you said.

- House, there. You, go.

Got it?

- Got it. Thank you!

(dog barks)

- Get outta my way, (dog whining)

ya little blue bastard. (dog whining)

- [Emmanuelle] Hello? (knocking at door)

Anyone home?

Some bitchy, old lady told me to come here.

Guess nobody's home.

Look at this bed.

Looks so nice and cozy.

How I'd love to just lay down and stretch out.

(mysterious orchestra music)

(Wolfie growls)

(Wolfie growls)

(Wolfie howls)

Who are you?

(upbeat rock music)

* On the day I was born, I came out naked and screaming

* The doctor said (music drowns out lyrics)

* My eyes walked fine down the flow to my veins

* I was rollin' around, and I was anything but tame

* But if ya haven't guessed now

* I'm out of this world with powers

* That'll make you come

* But I'll give it all up

* For one little (mumbles) with you

* With you

(upbeat rock music)

* Change of cross of rivers, now it's on the ocean floor

* It's in the center of the earth, I know a whole lot more

* I know (music drowns out lyrics)

* I'll make you tell the truth

* I'll even catch you in lies

* But with all my magic, I can't touch you

* You're beyond my reach

* Don't know what to do, but I'd give it all up

* And never look back just for you

* Just for you

(upbeat rock music)

* I'm the one you want, you know it in your bones

* Stop tellin' me, you're never alone

* I'll come down from my throne if you'd only say yes

* You gotta stop teasin', I'm powerless

* For you

* For you, ow

* For you, yeah

* You

* For you, I'm powerless

* For you

* For

* I'm powerless, I'm powerless

(Emmanuelle moans) (Wolfie howls)

(Emmanuelle moans)

(Wolfie snores)

- That was nice,

but I still have to go find my friends.

(Wolfie snores)

(elegant orchestra music)

- Okay.

Let's try this again.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

- [Voiceover] Didn't we already go through this?

- Mirror, mirror, standing tall--

- [Voiceover] Ooh, I like that.

- Thought you would.

So. Now, who's the fairest of them all?

- [Voiceover] Emmanuelle. She is smoking hot.

- Emmanuelle is still alive?

- [Voiceover] Oh, yes.

Alive and kicking, and screaming, and moaning.

- Didn't the wolf kill her?

I hired him to when he was finished with Grandma.

Didn't he eat her?

- [Voiceover] Oh, he ate her all right.

He got his snout right up in there.

Would you like to see playback?

(Emmanuelle moans)

- [Queen] Oh, my.

- [Emmanuelle] You are an animal.

- That horny, little vixen.

Mirror, show me where they are right now.

(magical chiming)

(quirky orchestra music)

- Jack?

Jack.

- Do I know you?

- It's Emmanuelle, from the blimp.

- What's a blimp?

- You're not an actor, are you?

- [Jack] No.

I'm a slave.

At least that's the way I'm treated.

First, I'm told to go up the hill,

and fetch a pail of water.

Then, I fell, broke a crown. Look!

See?! It's painful!

Do you think Jill helped? No.

Then, my mother, she lives in that shoe over there.

Well, she sends me to town to sell a cow.

Does she want magic beans? No!

She just wants money.

I'm not allowed to eat any fattening foods.

They think because I'm nimble and quick,

that I can just get away with doing anything.

Well, I've had it! You hear me?

I'm leaving with Candlewick.

- Who?

- [Jack] Romeo,

but his nickname is Candlewick.

He's my only true friend.

He and I are headed to the Land of Play.

It's where boys never have to work,

or get told what to do!

They just get to enjoy themselves all day long!

- Just you and the boys?

- You wanna come?

- Not really my scene.

Not that I'm judging or anything.

I mean, gay is great.

- Whoa. I'm not gay.

What ever gave you that idea?

I love pussy!

* I'm just a tropical boy

* And I do not enjoy freezin' my ass off in this cold land

* I'm just a tropical boy

* I'd rather be unemployed

* Beneath the palm tree in the sand

* Work, work

* Money, money

* Break your back, baby

* Ain't funny

* Give me a place where it's always sunny

* Nobody there ever heard of blue Monday

* I'm a tropical boy, and I do not enjoy

* Freezin' my ass off in this cold land

* I'm just a tropical boy, I'd rather be unemployed

* Beneath the palm tree in the sand

* Rush, rush

* Busy, busy

* Runnin' 'round in circles, people make me dizzy

* My bags are packed for my great escape

* I only wish you would come with me, baby

* With your tropical boy, I know you can't enjoy

* Freezin' your ass off in this cold land

* Come with your tropical boy

* Here we can be unemployed

* Beneath the palm tree in the sand

* Ooh-la-la-la

* Ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh

* Whoa-oh, oh-oh

* Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

* Ooh-la-la-la

* Whoa-oh, oh-oh

* Ooh-la-la-la

* Work, work

* Money, money

* Break your back, baby

* Ain't funny

* I know your place is really always sunny

* I've just had one too many blue Mondays

* I'm a tropical boy, and I do not enjoy

* Freezin' my ass off in this cold land

* I'm just a tropical boy, I'd rather be unemployed

* Beneath the palm tree in the sand

* Ooh-la-la-la

* Whoa-oh, oh-oh, whoa-oh, oh-oh

* Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh-la-la-la

* Whoa-oh, oh-oh, ooh-la-la-la

(quirky orchestra music)

(doorbell rings)

- [Voiceover] That door doesn't open!

Come around the side!

(mysterious orchestra music)

- Oh, hi.

My name's Emmanuelle.

This boy named Jack--

- Is he comin' in?

Tell him our Christmas dinner's almost ready.

- [Emmanuelle] I'm sorry, are you the old lady

that lives in the shoe?

(Shirley hoots)

- Who told you that? Jack?

He's a lazy son of a bitch, just like his father.

No, what I am is an overworked woman

who lives in this crappy, little house

with a good-for-nothing husband,

Peter, over there, and a dozen hungry mouths to feed.

- So, the shoe was just a metaphor then?

- [Shirley] Of course!

Who actually lives in a shoe?

Nobody.

Peter, here, calls it a pumpkin shell.

Isn't that right, darlin'?

He keeps me here morning, noon, and night.

- [Peter] Oh, leave me alone, Shirley.

I'm watching the game.

- Isn't that a surprise?

- [Emmanuelle] Look, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to disturb you.

I was just wondering if you could help me?

- Help you? Help you?!

(hoots) I can't even help myself.

(funky rock music)

* Well, I've been working in the kitchen

* Since the early morning light

* Cookin' and a bakin',

* And you know I do it right

* There's pumpkin pie and stuffin'

* And the turkey sure smells fine

* Except for you, everybody's here

* They know it's dinnertime

* Christmas turkey

* Sittin' on the table waitin' for you

* Well that's one big bird

* But you're the biggest turkey I've ever knew

* Well I know you love your football

* And your TV-watchin' friends

* Drinkin' beer and makin' the bets

* On which team's gonna win

* It's football, baseball, basketball

* Hockey, or a boxin' match

* Once a year, I'd like you here

* Is that too much to ask

* Christmas turkey

* Sittin' on the table, waitin' for you

* Well that's one big bird

* And you're the biggest turkey I ever knew

* Christmas turkey

* That's what you are

* You Christmas turkey

* Oh my honey, yes you are

* Well you do the same thing every year

* So guess what I did

* I invited my friend Suzy and her seven hungry kids

* Stuff them now without you

* By the time that you get home

* There won't be nothin' left

* But some old turkey skin and bones

* Christmas turkey

* Won't be sittin' on the table waitin' for you

- I'm so sure. * That was one big bird

* The world's biggest turkey must be you

I am so outta here.

- What, to go eat more pumpkins?

- Damn straight! * Christmas turkey

* That's what you are

* Christmas turkey

* Yes you are a Christmas turkey

* Thanksgiving, too, Christmas turkey

* I'm talkin' 'bout you, you Christmas turkey

* That's what you are, a Christmas turkey

* Oh yes you are a Christmas turkey

* Thanksgiving, too, you Christmas turkey *

- [Emmanuelle] Hey, wait up,

before I fall in these shoes.

(mysterious orchestra music)

- [Voiceover] Slow and steady, slow and steady.

- [Emmanuelle] Hey, I'm really sorry about that back there.

I didn't mean to start a fight.

- It wasn't your fault.

It's always the same thing with her.

Do I ask her to cook all that food? No.

Does she ever even listen to me?

Never.

(groans) I need a drink.

- Oh, hey.

I hate to keep bugging you,

but I'm really lost.

- Ah, kiddo, we are all lost.

- [Emmanuelle] No. I mean like I'm really lost.

- Well, if you're really lost, there's only one place I know

where you can get some assistance.

Rosie's Cantina.

(live mariachi music)

- [Carmine] Hi, ho.

- [Emmanuelle] What'd you call me?

Hey, Carmine. How'd you get there?

- [Carmine] I hopped, no thanks to you.

Find me a princess yet?

- No.

Just a lot of very unhappy people, it seems.

- [Carmine] Well, you're downtown.

Working Class mostly spends time

hanging out and having sex.

That's how I know there are no princesses here.

Princesses don't put out.

They only kiss,

which is all I need.

(Dorothy yells) - [Dorothy] Dance with me!

(Dorothy whines)

- [Lion] No, you can't make me.

- What's her deal?

- [Carmine] She's kind of like you.

Fell out of the sky, and just wanted to get back home.

But she was given a pair of ruby red shoes

from the Good Witch.

Although, I have it on good authority

it was actually the Evil Queen in disguise.

You see, those shoes are magical.

They were made by the shoemaker and his elves.

Whoever wears them can't stop dancing.

So, now all she wants to do is dance,

and doesn't even think about going home.

- I used to have a dress like that.

- You don't say.

- [Carmine] You stole her dress, didn't you?

- Shh.

- [Carmine] Nice.

- [Dorothy] Come on! Get up!

I wanna dance with someone, now!

* I hate to dance, I got two left feet

No you don't, baby. * I hate to dance

* I just can't feel the beat

Yes, you can. * I hate to dance

* I just feel like a fool You are a fool,

* I hate to dance if you don't dance with me.

* But I do it for you

You better get up, right now.

Come on, now.

* I hate to dance

You gonna dance.

* I love you baby And I love you, too.

* I'd do anything, but please

* Please don't make me do this

* I beg you on my knees What?!

* I can't samba, or mamba What are you talking about?

* Tango, fandango What's that?

* The boogaloo's my (mumbles)

I don't want to do no boogaloo.

* I can't do any of 'em Yes, you can.

Come on, just move your butt like we was,

you know, making love!

I know you can do that!

* If you insist I do.

* The hive cannot resist You can't.

* So if you're not embarrassed to be seen with me

* Well, baby, let's twist

* I hate to dance, I got two left feet

Well, stand up on 'em!

* I hate to dance, I just can't feel the beat

* I hate to dance, just feel like a fool

You are a fool.

* I hate to dance but I do it for you

Well, thank you very much.

* I hate to dance

Baby, shut up and dance.

(funky trumpet solo)

What is that?

What is that supposed to be?

Is that what you call dancin'?

* I'm no Michael Jackson

* I ain't no Fred Astaire Duh.

* My (music drowns out lyrics)

* I just don't care, 'cause I hate to dance

* I got two left feet

Your left foot's steppin' on my foot.

* I hate to dance, I just can't feel the beat

Well, I can see that now.

* I hate to dance, just feel like a fool

* I hate to dance (Dorothy mumbles)

* But I do it for you That's okay, baby.

Now, let me down. Come on.

Come on, now. That's enough!

Oh, my God. He won't stop!

* I hate to dance I've created a monster!

* I got two left feet (crashing)

* I hate to dance, I just can't feel the beat

* I hate to dance, (Dorothy mumbles)

* Just feel like a fool

* I hate to dance, but I do it for you

Let's get out of here.

I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life.

* Dance Baby, I'd like to thank you

very, very much for such a wonderful, wonderful evening.

I can't take you anywhere. (clicks)

(magical chime) (crowd groans)

- That's it. Everybody outta my bar!

- [Scarecrow] The last time we play cover here.

- Hey, um ...

We're off to the Land of Play.

You wanna join us?

- Are there any wizards or genies there?

- I don't know. Maybe.

It's definitely a place where adults get lucky.

- He ain't kiddin'.

- [Carmine] Help me.

I've gotta get out of here. Help!

- Bye, Carmine.

- So, they're off to the Land of Play, huh?

- [Voiceover] You're not thinking of going

down there yourself?

No royal has ever set foot in that den of depravity.

- Of course not.

But, if I play my cards right,

I can get rid of Emmanuelle once and for all

with two simple phone calls.

- [Operator] If you'd like to make a call,

please hang up and try again.

- Mirror, mirror, who knows all,

tell me the numbers I wish to call.

Shirley Pumpkin-Eater.

- [Voiceover] I'm sorry, who?

- Peter's wife.

- [Voiceover] What's the last name, please?

- I don't know.

Pumpkin-Eater?

Mrs. Eater?

- [Voiceover] Oh, I don't have a listing for that.

- All right.

How about for the old woman who lives in the shoe?

- [Voiceover] You'll have to give me more than

just old woman.

I mean, I have an Old Mother Hubbard,

a Mother Goose, Old King Cole.

(Queen chuckles)

- I can't get a break.

(slow sitar music)

(bubbling)

(Goldilocks mumbles)

- [Peter] Have a seat.

- I'm so wasted.

- [Humpty] What can I say? The ladies love my vibrating egg.

(buzzing)

- [Jack] So ...

I see you found the Land of Play!

Didn't I tell ya? It's awesome!

- Has anyone seen my sheep?

- No. No animals allowed in here.

Just ask Mary!

(Mary mumbles)

- Oh, more.

More.

- What's going on back there?

- Candlewick and I met this little,

wooden boy on our way here.

Pin-something.

- Pinocchio?

- Yeah, that's him!

Anyways, this Mary chick ...

You might have seen her lamb outside.

Well, she's been sitting on his face for the last half hour!

She can't get enough of him.

(Pinocchio mumbles)

- [Mary] More.

Oh, yeah. More.

What's that, (mumbles)?

(Pinocchio mumbles)

(Mary moans)

Smoking cures cancer?

(Pinocchio mumbles) Oh, there is no such thing

as the (mumbles an moans).

- [Jill] Come back, Jack.

I wanna fill my pail with your water.

- That's the kinda tumble I like.

- [Jill] Oh yeah. Come to mama.

- You should probably talk to the Pied Piper

about your problems.

He did wonders for Jill.

She used to be such a frigid bitch.

- Can I be of assistance?

- [Emmanuelle] Oh, no.

I thought your pipe only worked on children and rats.

- Oh, I made some adjustments.

Women really enjoy the tune I play.

They respond.

Watch.

(recorder music)

(women moaning)

- I don't believe this.

- [Pied Piper] Oh, a challenge.

- [Emmanuelle] I have to get out of here.

(recorder music)

(gasps)

(moans)

(women moaning)

- You son of a bitch!

(Peter and Shirley yelling over each other)

- [Peter] Shirley, honey!

What, what, what, what're you doing here?

- I got an anonymous phone call from the castle.

Eating pumpkins, my ass.

- [Peter] Believe it or not, I really can explain.

- [Shirley] No you can't, because I'm gonna be doing

the explaining from now on.

- Not again.

(upbeat rock music)

(Peter groans)

* Love is supposed to be

* A give and take situation

* But I give, and you take - Oh, honey. Honey, dont.

* And I don't need this aggravation

* I've had enough of all the things you do

* There's just one thing I wanna say to you

* And that's bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye

* Bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye

* You think that just because

* I love you, you can use me

* Well I think I've had enough

* 'Cause now I see how you've abused me

* I'm not the little fool I was before

* And I won't hang around you anymore

* Bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye

* Bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye

* I only wanted you to love me like I love you

* But you just threw my heart away

* Now I found someone new

* Who loves me like I love you

* And I feel glad that you and I are through

* 'Cause now it feels so good to say to you

* B-b-b-bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye You think you're so funny.

* Bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye

* Bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye

Don't encourage her. * Bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye

Where do you think you're going?!

* Bye-bye, baby

* Baby, bye-bye (Peter groans)

- That's my new dad. (chuckles)

(sirens wailing)

Oh, my God! It's a raid!

(sirens wailing)

- [Goldilocks] This is my dress. Get your own clothes!

- Where's the front door!

- [Jack] Maybe you gotta go out the back door!

- [Voiceover] I'm screwed.

(sirens wailing)

- Tell me the truth!

More. Tell me the truth!

I'm stuck. (Pinocchio mumbles)

(sirens wailing)

- [Voiceover] Freeze! Don't move.

Public nudity is a serious crime, young lady.

You are under arrest,

and we are gonna throw the book at you.

(crashing) (sirens wailing)

(mysterious orchestra music)

- Yes.

Yes, Warden. Thank you very much for calling. (giggles)

It worked!

They raided the place,

and Emmanuelle was arrested for indecent exposure,

a crime punishable for up to 30 years of hard labor.

So, I don't have to worry about her anymore.

So, let's see.

With Dorothy cursed to dance her life away,

Alice reduced to a complete druggie,

thanks to my friends, the Caterpillar and Mad Hatter.

And my personal favorite, Snow White, hacked to bits.

And Emmanuelle in jail,

I think it's time for Final Jeopardy.

Are you ready?

Mirror, mirror, make the call.

Who's the ruler of them all?

- [Voiceover] The King.

- Female ruler.

- [Voiceover] You are, my queen.

(Queen giggles)

- Oh, yeah. That's right.

Say it again. Uh-huh.

- [Voiceover] It, again.

- No, I meant who's the fairest,

sexiest, most powerful woman in the land?

- [Voiceover] Emmanuelle.

- Who isn't in prison at the moment.

- [Voiceover] You're making this request

awfully specific, aren't you?

- So?

- [Voiceover] Well then, why don't you just add:

has black hair, lives in a castle,

and stands in front of a magic mirror 15 hours a day,

asking slanted questions while you're at it?

- Oh, I see.

So, you think I'm manipulating you

to supply me the answers I wanna hear?

- [Voiceover] Yes.

- And I'm living in denial from inescapable outcome?

- [Voiceover] Yes.

- While trying desperately to hold on

to my youth and physical beauty,

even though it's only natural to age

and mature as one gets older?

The circle of life, and such?

- [Voiceover] Yes!

(Queen giggles) - Well, (giggles)

I don't give a fuck what you think!

I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna party.

I'm gonna get laid.

And Emmanuelle can rot in hell.

See ya.

Hmm!

- [Voiceover] Bitch.

(punk rock music)

- [Warden] Enjoy your stay.

You're next.

I'll get to you later.

Red, pull the switch.

(electric buzzing)

(sullen piano music)

- [Carmine] You're not going to find any princesses in here.

- Carmine, did they arrest you too?

- [Carmine] No, I'm just visiting.

- How am I gonna get out of here?

- [Carmine] I don't know, they don't take too kindly

to private parts on display in public places.

It's a pretty strict law from the castle.

- Why?

What is wrong with the naked body?

- [Carmine] It's an image thing.

You see, basically everyone looks the same

when they're naked, except for a few bumps here and there.

So, if people ran around nude,

how could you tell the upper class from the lower?

That's why the ruling class is so uptight

when it comes to nudity and sex.

They're all control freaks.

- This land is so out of balance.

- [Carmine] Too much sex, and not enough sex.

That's the way it is in this beat-up, broke-down world.

- [Humpty] That is so true.

- What happened to you?

- I tried to escape, climbed the wall, and fell.

They couldn't put me back together again,

so they put me in here.

Oh, talk about yolk on your face.

* Round, round, round

* Turn it around, round, round

* I hear Mother Nature cryin'

* Like a scared, lost, little girl

* Terrified of what we'd do to her

* In this beat-up, broke-down world

* Somewhere a soldier is dyin'

* For some flag to fly over

* Why is it so hard to live in peace

* In this beat-up, broke-down world

* Round, round, round

* This beat-up, broke-down world

* Keep turnin' around, round, round

* This beat-up, broke-down world

* We're fooled by advertisers

* Cigarettes, Jheri curl

* 'Til billboards cover every inch

* Of this beat-up, broke-down world

* We bow down to big business

* As they (mumbles) purse

* And they'll sell our children's birth right

* To this beat-up, broke-down world

* Round, round, round

* This beat-up, broke-down world

* Turn it around, round, round

* This beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* And fix this beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* Gotta fix this beat-up, broke-down world

* They say the darkest hour's

* Always just before the dawn

* 'Til the daylight brings its power

* We must keep on keeping on

(blues guitar solo)

* Hear the sound of children crying

* We're all scared little boys and girls

* As we march toward to fight the beast

* Of this beat-up, broke-down world

* No time for hesitation

* As the wheels of change (mumbles)

* 'Cause it's up to us to fix this busted

* Beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* And fix this beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* And fix this beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* We can fix this beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* And fix this beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* This beat-up, broke-down world

* We got to turn it around, round, round

* This beat-up, broke down world

* Round, round, round

* We can turn it around, round, round *

- [Warden] Keep it down in here.

This is a prison,

not a karaoke club.

- [Carmine] Well, guess I'll be moving right along.

Oh!

And if you figure a way outta here,

I heard a rumor that a new sorcerer

may be coming down to Rosie's Cantina this afternoon.

He may be able to help you. Good luck!

Look out below! (whoosh)

(car horn honking) (crashing)

- Warden, I wanna speak to you, right away.

I want some answers!

- What is ...

Hey.

Put those clothes back on.

- I wanna know why I was arrested.

- [Warden] You know why.

Indecent exposure.

- What's so indecent about what I'm wearing?

- What you're wearing?

You mean your birthday suit?

- [Emmanuelle] Why, yes.

I did get it for my birthday.

It's hot off the assembly line.

It's an original, made by the same weavers

who made the Emperor's new clothing.

- What?

- [Emmanuelle] Surely, you've heard of the new clothing.

It's made from special silk and Egyptian threads,

stunningly beautiful, yet seemingly invisible

to most common folk.

- Why, yes, of course I've heard

of the Emperor's new clothes.

It was the talk of the land for quite some time.

- Isn't it elegant?

Daring, yet subtle at the same time?

- And, invisible to the simple, you said?

- More like stupid.

But, I'm sure a smart, intelligent man like yourself

can appreciate the craftsmanship of the design.

- Yes, very nice. It brings out your eyes.

- [Emmanuelle] So, why was I arrested?

I mean, what's so indecent about this outfit

when all the queens and princesses

will be wearing it by next week?

- Why, there's nothing indecent about it.

The arresting officer must've made a mistake.

You're free to go.

I have to get one of of those dresses for my wife

as soon as they hit the market.

- [Emmanuelle] Good day. - [Warden] Wait, Emmanuelle.

How about a coat to go with that dress?

You see, I'm afraid some of my other officers

may not share my fashion sense.

(donkey braying)

(elegant acoustic guitar music)

- Excuse me, is this seat taken?

- No. Be my guest.

- Thanks. (magical chime)

- I am so sorry.

I'm still trying to get a hang of these powers.

- It's okay, but wait.

Powers?

What are you, some kind of sorcerer?

- Sorcerer's apprentice, actually. (chuckles)

I just started working for Merlin up at the Royal Castle.

We ran into a little bit of a water problem though.

I asked a broom to fetch some for me.

It turned out to be a big mess.

Boss got really pissed. (splashing and shattering)

I'm so sorry.

- No, no, no. Don't--

- Let me help you.

- It's quite all right. I'll take care of it.

You just sit down and enjoy the show.

- As you can see, I'm still a little wet behind the ears.

(hoots) Name's Mikey.

- Emmanuelle.

Don't worry about it.

I met a boy trying to fetch some water the other day.

Name was Jack. Had the same problem.

- [Mikey] Jack? - [Emmanuelle] Yeah.

- [Mikey] You mean their new star attraction?

- [Voiceover] Ladies and gentlemen!

Please take your seat for Rosalita

and her magnificent jackass.

(audience applauds)

- Jack, what happened?!

- [Mikey] He stayed in the Land of Play for too long.

He and his friends were turned into animals.

That's what happens to boys

who only wanna play all day.

- That's horrible.

- [Mikey] Hey, at least he has a job now.

- Job? What kind of job is this?!

- Jack, tell them your story.

(upbeat Latin music)

* I was born a little boro in a fish tank

* Way down the Mexico way

* There were fish heads, fish tails

* Fish guts everywhere

* I had to get outta that place

* My dear mamacita, she told me

* Tijuana is the place to be

* There's always room in the spotlight

* For a jackass like me

* I'll be a sex donkey

* Ooh, a sex donkey, yeah

* Sex donkey in Tijuana

* I'll be the star of my very own late-night show

* Whoa-whoa

* I'm a buccaneer bull with long, long

* Way to go

* So I headed on down the long highway

* That leads to the promised land

* And all the broken bottles by the side of the road

* Sparkled like diamonds in the sand

* And Carlos Coyote, Rodriguez the rooster

* And Celio the snake wanted to join my band

* So I said, "Okay, boys

* "Let's hear what you can do"

* Ah-one, ah-two

* Uno, dos, tres, quatro

(shrill yells)

* Oh, no, no, no

* If ya wanna be in my band

* You gotta sing my song

* And my song goes like this

* I'll be a sex donkey

* He's a sex donkey

* Ooh, a (whip) sex donkey in Tijuana

* I'll be the star of my very own late-night show

* And watch us talk

* I'm a buccaneer bull with a long, long

* Way to go

* Do the donkey

(trumpet solo)

* I survived for many long, hot days in the desert sun

* Finally reached our destination

* Tijuana, land of dreams

* Swimming pools, movie stars

* So we went into Rosie's Cantina

* To wash that (mumbles)

* That's when that first saw my Rosalita

* Loveliest stripper in the whole dang town

* I looked in her eyes, and she looked at my eyes

* And we knew that it was meant to be

* Since then she's been my leading lady

* And I'm her leading donkey

* 'Cause I'm a sex donkey, he's a sex donkey

* Oh, a sex donkey in Tijuana

* I'm the star of my very own late-night show

* Look out, David Letterman

* I'm a buccaneer bull with a long, long

* Long, long way to go

* Whoo

* 'Cause I'm a sex donkey, he's a sex donkey

* I'm a sex donkey in Tijuana

* I'm a sex donkey, he's a sex donkey

* Sex donkey in Tijuana

* I'm a sex donkey, he's a sex donkey

* Sex donkey in Tijuana

* Oh, my god

* It's a real donkey

* Oh, my God

- Are you all right?

- I have to get back to my blimp.

I mean, this is too crazy.

I'm open-minded and all, but I mean, come on!

- Perhaps I can help.

Where is this

blimp?

- In another universe.

You see, we were traveling through a wormhole,

got sucked in, and-- - [Mikey] Oh, my.

- [Mikey] You're not from this world, are you?

- [Emmanuelle] No.

- Okay, well then,

you need to come back to the castle with me.

Merlin will know what to do.

In fact, it's his job to take care of visitors.

- Okay, all right. Let's go.

- [Mikey] Just let me conjure up some transportation.

(magical chime)

- Scooters?

- My own invention.

- Really?

- Okay, well not really my own idea,

but they really are stupendous.

Good for the environment because they're human powered.

You can go up to two miles per hour.

They really are the way for the future.

(hoots) Hop on!

- [Carmine] Don't mind if I do.

- Hey!

Carmine, good to see you again.

- [Carmine] My tip paid off, I see.

- Yes.

Mikey says Merlin can help me,

so we're heading back to the castle right now.

- [Carmine] Plenty of princesses at the castle.

Mind if I tag along?

- Mikey, can he come?

- [Carmine] If you hold me, I can.

- Hey, was that some kind of crude--

- [Carmine] No! Get your mind outta the gutter, lady.

You've been inside Rosie's Cantina for too long.

- That's for sure.

- This is my favorite part!

(peaceful orchestra music)

- [Voiceover] Ooh, looks like someone had a wicked night.

- It's good to be the Queen. (giggles)

- [Voiceover] If you say so.

- That's it.

Mirror, mirror in the hall.

- [Voiceover] I'm not in the hall.

- You wanna bet?!

- [Voiceover] Hey, watch it. I'm delicate.

If you break me, that's seven years bad luck.

- It'll still be better than listening to your big mouth.

- [Voiceover] But then, who's going to help you

get rid of Emmanuelle?

- Emmanuelle's in jail. Remember?

- [Voiceover] Not anymore.

- What're you talking about?

- [Voiceover] She was let out on the Emperor's

new clothes clause, and is on her way to the castle.

- My castle?

- [Voiceover] It's the King's castle, technically.

- What am I gonna do?

I try and kill her, that doesn't work.

I lock her up, she escapes.

Her beauty can't be stopped.

Beauty.

Hold on a second.

Why didn't I think of that before?

- [Voiceover] What are you getting at?

- [Queen] People who have money,

what do they want?

More money.

It's the same with people who are beautiful.

You can never be too pretty.

Improvements can always be made.

(bubbling)

- [Voiceover] Oh, you're not going to try

to make Emmanuelle eat one of your ...

- Magic apples.

That's right.

One bite, and ba-boom.

Emmanuelle's perfect figure

will be a thing of the past.

Hello? Get me security.

(bubbling)

- [Mikey] I win.

And, we're here! (giggles)

We're here to see Merlin.

- And, who are we?

- Well, you're guards.

- No, I mean who are you?

- But you said, "Who are we?"

- We, was referring to you.

Look, it isn't important. Just answer the question.

- [Carmine] What question?

- Who wishes to see Merlin?

- We do.

- [Deuce] Stand aside, Ace. I'll handle this.

It's very simple, really.

We, being guards of the castle,

we should know who you, being outsiders to the castle,

are, who, uh ...

wishes to see Merlin.

See?

Does that make sense?

- I had a bit of trouble following it towards the end.

- Well, you know who I am.

- We do?

- I'm Mikey, Merlin's new apprentice?

- Oh, yes. I got that memo.

- Well, I didn't.

- Well, we're allowed to let him in.

- What about the other two?

- I'm Emmanuelle.

- Never heard of you.

- I did. The Queen wants to see you.

- Since when?

- Since she called down earlier.

- So, can we come in?

- [Deuce] She can, you can't. - [Ace] You can, she can't.

- [Deuce] I'm only allowed - [Ace] I'm only allowed

- [Deuce] To let her in. - [Ace] To let him in.

- [Ace] You can go in.

- And I'm taking Emmanuelle to see the Queen.

- [Ace] Fine. - [Deuce] Great.

- What about Carmine?

- [Ace] I don't remember anything about a frog.

- Yeah, me neither.

- [Carmine] I'm actually a prince who's been cursed.

- Oh, well princes are allowed in the castle.

- Absolutely.

- I'll take Carmine to see Merlin.

We'll see what he can do.

- [Ace] Excuse me, Miss.

Your flower seems to be wilting.

- Blame it on props.

- Well, we'll have to get you a fresher flower

if you are to see the Queen.

Follow me.

(knocking at door)

- [Voiceover] Who is it?

- Ace and Deuce. Let us in.

- [Voiceover] No thanks, we've already got one.

They're very nice.

- You wanted to see me?

- Yes!

I like to personally greet all strangers to my kingdom.

So, tell me. What brings you to these parts?

- Lost.

I fell out of the sky, and--

- Oh, yes. I've heard that before. (chuckles)

So please, make yourself comfortable.

Take off your coat. Stay a while.

- That's awfully nice of you,

but I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction

when I first got here.

- Oh?

What kind of malfunction?

- No wardrobe?

- Well, I see.

Not a problem.

You can put on one of my dresses.

- [Emmanuelle] That's very kind of you, Your Majesty,

but I couldn't.

- [Queen] Can't have you running around naked,

showing off all that young,

firm, nubile flesh,

now can we?

Here. Put this on.

- It's, um,

a bit big, isn't it?

- [Queen] Oh, we can fix that.

One bite of one of these apples,

you'll be able to fill that dress out in no time.

- I don't understand.

- Why, these are magical apples.

They have certain properties that, uh,

shall we say, make a woman more

well endowed on top?

You know, bigger.

Ample.

Stacked.

Boob-a-licious.

(Emmanuelle nervously chuckles)

- I'm not sure I wanna be--

- Oh, no, no, no. Here.

Let me explain the advantages.

Mirror!

Music.

* New boobs

* Who knew you could have 'em too

* Those magical, new boobs

* You want them

* You're overdue

* And she goes, bump-ee-ump

* Bump-bump-ee-ump

* And they'll grow, bump-ee-ump

* Bump-bump-ee-ump, and she knows

* Bump-ee-ump, Bump-bump-ee-ump

* Oh, yeah

* Supersize me with new boobs

* Tantalize me with new boobs

* You'll lose

* If you can't get your new boobs

* Expandable, new boobs

* They're the ones the best girls choose

* Bump-ba-da-dum-ba-da-da-dum

* Bah-da-dum-bah-da-dum-bah-da-da-bump

* Bump-ba-da-dum-ba-da-da-dum

* Bump-ba-da-dum

* What every girl needs is new boobs

* To boost your self-esteem, it's new boobs

* Marvelous, new boobs

- So, what do ya say?

Bigger is better?

- Maybe for those who are constantly

trying to impress others,

or, for some reason or another,

need to feel better about themselves.

But, I like myself just the way I am.

- Well, you'll still be yourself.

There'll just be more of you.

- No thanks. I'll pass.

- Just (giggles), just one bite.

Tastes great. More filling.

An apple a day keeps the plastic surgeon away.

- I don't need one. I'm good.

- I know. That's the problem.

You're too good.

All of you are just too good,

with your sweet smiles, and your naturalities,

and your stunning dispositions.

And would you quit with the God damn music already?!

(record scratches) - [Voiceover] Sorry.

- I think I'll be going.

- [Queen] No.

Eat the apple.

Eat it.

- No.

- Gregory!

Show her the same treatment you gave Snow White.

- My queen, my queen!

Great news!

Snow White is back!

A valiant prince has found her living in the woods

with a bunch of dwarves.

They're bound to be married.

I have to tell the King! Oh, joy!

Oh, happy day!

(Gregory nervously chuckles)

- I'm a lover, not a killer.

- [Voiceover] I could've told you that.

- [Queen] What?

You knew Snow White was still alive?!

- [Voiceover] You're asking questions that you do not wish

to hear the answer to, my Queen.

- Emmanuelle,

Merlin wants to see you in his tower, right now.

- That's not soon enough.

Let's go.

- Mirror, mirror, do not stall.

I want the truth. I want it all.

- [Voiceover] What do you wish to know?

- How many others am I going to have to deal with?

- [Voiceover] Other, what?

- Princesses!

- [Voiceover] Well, there's Princess Aurora.

She's a real sleeping beauty,

but she was just awakened by Prince Thomas,

and is heading back here.

A common girl, named Belle, fell in love with a beast,

but funny thing, (chuckles)

turns out he's actually a prince.

They fell in love and plan to wed,

which would make her a princess.

Then, there's Prince Charming,

who finally located that girl from the ball,

the clumsy one who lost her shoe.

Oh, and there's that mute girl who's been wandering around.

Can't say a word, but can swim like a fish!

Well, if she gets a prince to kiss her,

then she gets back her voice,

and they live happily ever after!

- I can't win.

Uh-oh.

(deep growls)

Mirror, mirror, before we fall,

who is the biggest of them all?

- [Voiceover] The female giant at the top of the beanstalk.

- Oh.

Go fuck yourself!

(chaotic orchestra music)

(painful screaming)

- You don't belong here.

- No argument there.

- [Merlin] You see, I ...

And now, Mikey,

have been appointed by Old King Cole

to protect the kingdom from alien visitors.

- [Emmanuelle] So, you guys are like

the Men in Black of this world?

(Mikey giggles)

- Funny you should say that. (giggles)

- [Merlin] You see, we're planning something really special.

Just because I'm over 1,000 years old,

people just assume that I'm not ...

What are those two words?

- Hip and cool?

- That.

- I can see their point.

- Really?

Hit it.

(Mikey beatboxes)

Not you!

(chuckles)

Hit it!

(funky hip-hop beat)

(sweeping)

* We are the genuine article, here to say

* A-workin' for the government, and that ain't hangin'

* We chase creepy creatures from outer space

* Bet ya don't know they're all over the place

* Uh-huh, uh-huh

* Uh-huh, uh-huh (sweeping)

* Keepin' the cosmos cool

* Makin' it safe for the planet to survive

* We're reppin' up aliens from nine to five

* They're workin' on our steeze

* They look like you and me

* Be careful what ya say, be careful who ya see

* Uh-huh, uh-huh

* Uh-huh, uh-huh

* Keepin' the cosmos cool (sweeping)

(funky hip-hop beat)

* Cool, cool, cool

- So, what did ya think?

- I think I'm ready to go home now.

- Groovy.

- [Pied Piper] Oh, excuse me.

I heard the music and thought this was

where the celebration was being held

for the princes and princesses.

- No, that's in the ballroom.

- [Pied Piper] Oh, dank ya.

One of the three fiddlers Old King Cole hired

couldn't make it, so I'm filling in.

And the Mad Hatter sent over some tea

to make the party extra special.

- I thought the princesses only like to kiss.

- Oh, not for long.

(recorder trills)

- Are you ready to go?

- Yes.

No.

What about Carmine?

Can you help him?

- He's the frog prince I brought in earlier.

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

He's in the waiting room with that mute girl

that seems to want to speak.

I'll get to them later.

For now, why don't you step into that

little, round circle on the floor?

- The one that says, "Stand here"?

- [Merlin] Yes, that's the one.

(light jazz music) - [Voiceover] Now serving 275.

Merlin appreciates your business. Thank you.

(light jazz music)

- [Carmine] So what are you here for?

What's the matter?

Got a frog in your throat?

Do you want one?

You have such a beautiful smile.

I would love to kiss you.

Oh, you won't be able to open it.

Oh, my God! You did it!

You did it! Yay, I'm free!

Free!

Now, just one little kiss. That's it.

Oh, I've waited so long.

Be gentle.

Just one kiss.

(magical harp strumming)

Oh, my God! You did it!

You turned me back into a prince!

That must make you ...

- Princess Areola!

- [Carmine] You can speak!

- But, my voice is back!

(magical harp strumming) - I can't tell you how good

it feels to be a human again.

Where did you come from?

- Where do I start?

Okay, so I used to be this mermaid

swimming around in the ocean,

and then I found this prince, and I saved his life.

So, I wanted to be human,

so I went to the Sea Witch,

and she gave me legs in exchange for my voice!

- Okay, I got it.

- Then, she told me that I had to find a prince,

and make him fall in love with me, and kiss me.

- [Areola] I couldn't a word-- - [Carmine] Yes, okay.

- [Areola] About my story-- - [Carmine] That's enough.

- [Areola] To anybody! - [Carmine] Yes, okay.

- [Areola] So, everybody thought I was this stupid,

dumb, mute girl.

Nobody wanted to kiss me!

I came close a few times,

but every single time, something came up.

- [Carmine] Please be quiet. - [Areola] Before I could ...

- [Areola] Go all the way!

And then, you wouldn't believe what happened!

- [Carmine] Don't tell me. - [Areola] Prince came along.

- [Areola] But he fell in love with this temple girl.

Then, my sisters gave me a knife

to kill the Prince, but I didn't

go through with it! - [Carmine] Shut up!

- [Areola] So, I went into the sea, and I (mumbles).

- Goodbye, Emmanuelle.

(magical harp strumming) Here.

- And, what am I supposed to do with this?

- [Merlin] I think you can use your imagination.

Base-ah-me-cool-oh.

(mysterious chaotic chiming)

(moves into eerie violin music)

Now, that wasn't supposed to happen.

- Can I keep it?

- [Merlin] Sell it on eBay.

- [Sanders] Well, we tried our best.

- She can't just be gone.

- These are the dangers

of traveling through alternate dimensions.

- [William] I'm so sorry.

- [Sanders] Shut down the machine, Doctor.

- [Dr. Blue] I'm not giving up.

She's out there. I will find her.

(bang)

- [William] That's strange.

It's never done that before.

(bang)

- [Carla] If I didn't know any better,

I'd say it sounds like-- (banging)

- [Sanders] Quick, open that back panel.

(whoosh)

- Oh, my God.

(mysterious orchestra music)

- [Sanders] Oh, my God.

She's been in the machine the whole time?

- I guess so.

We didn't check inside.

- Are you okay?

- I'll be okay. I'm just tired.

- We've been looking for you for days.

Did you pass out in there?

- No.

I went to a place where fairy tales come true.

And you were there, and you,

and you, and I think you were there, and Jack.

- [Dr. Blue] You need to get some rest.

- But, it wasn't a dream!

There were queens, and donkeys,

and well-hung wolves.

And, I left right before the celebration at the castle.

- [Sanders] Yeah, the celebration.

- Yes!

All the princesses that only believed in kissing

were about to get a real surprise

when they drank the Mad Hatter's spiked tea.

And the Pied Piper's hypno-sexual tunes.

(recorder trills)

- Could there be any truth to her statement?

- Anything's possible.

- [Carla] Emmanuelle's Wonderland.

- Write up a report.

Could make for an interesting story.

(magical harp strumming)

(Evil Queen laughs)

(upbeat rock music)

* Hey

* Well, there's something electric in the atmosphere

* Thunder and lightning every time you're near

* Strange and sexual close to you

* A strong vibration, do you feel it too

* Don't take a natural

* One thing I got to know now

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby, tonight

(upbeat rock music)

* Well, I'll take you out to dinner to the (mumbles)

* The movie's rated PG, but I'm NC-17

* I'll take you out for drinks 'til you're feelin' all right

* I hope you're feelin' more by the end of the night

* One thing I got to know

* One thing I got to know now

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby, tonight

(upbeat rock music)

* Hey

* You know there's something electric in the atmosphere

* It's thunder and lightning every time you're near

* It's the strangest sensual close to you

* A strong vibration, do you feel it, too

* One thing I got to know

* One thing I got to know, now

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby

* Ain't you gonna love me, baby, tonight

(upbeat rock music)

- [Carmine] Do you want one?

* Tonight

* Tonight

* Tonight

- You're next.

(bee buzzes and crashes)

- [Voiceover] Bitch.

(Samba music)

- Okay, stop! You guys can't laugh!

You're gonna fuck me up!

- So magical.

Why? I was magical.

* Pie and stuffin', and the turkey (mumbles) fine

* Except for you, everybody (crash)

* Work, work, money, money (thud)

* Break your back, baby

* It ain't funny

- [Voiceover] Oh, you're not going to try to make

Emmanuelle eat one of your ...

- Are there no apples? (laughs)

- [Carmine] It's an image thing.

You see, basically everyone looks the same

when they're naked, except for a few bumps here and there.

So, if people ran around nude ...

Fuck me,

in the frog butt.

- Say what?

There's no place like home?

- No, that's not it. (clears throat)

Rock-a-bye, baby, on the treetop.

- When the wind blows, the cradle will rock?

- Yes, and when the bough breaks,

the baby will fall.

And down will come baby, cradle and all.

- His head just exploded 'cause the cradle falls.

Let's do it again.

- I got it wrong.

- Yes you did.

- When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.

- [Voiceover] The cradle will fall.

- Mother fucker, I don't know these stupid things.

- [Carmine] Well, guess I'll be moving right along.

Oh, and if you figure a way outta here,

I heard a rumor that a new sorcerer may be

coming down to Rosie's Cantina this afternoon.

He may be a ...

He may be ...

Fuck me.

- And when the bough breaks,

the cradle will fall.

- [Group] And down will come baby,

cradle and all.

- Let's do it again. I fucked it up again.

Down will come baby.

Down will come baby, cradle and all?

- Ahh, ahh.

(Merlin mumbles)

- Yeah, down will come baby. I got it.

- [Carmine] I heard a rumor that a new sorcerer may be

coming down to Rosie's Cantina this afternoon.

Maybe he may be able to maybe he ...

He may be able to with the maybe he,

and the he able to help you

with the maybe help and the able-ness

of the help-ness of the full helping gridlock.

(crashing)

It's an image thing.

You see, basically everyone looks the same

when they're naked, except for ...

Fuck me in the ass.

My little frog ass.

Why can't I get this line out correctly?

I'm sorry, Rolfe.

(Merlin clears throat)

- Rock-a-bye, baby, on the treetop.

- When the wind blows, the cradle will rock?

- Yes.

And when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.

- [Group] And down will come baby,

cradle and all.

- It's reverse.

- Go fuck yourselves. (laughter)

- [Carmine] Yay, I'm free! Free!

Now, just one little kiss.

That's it.

Oh, I've waited so long.

Be gentle.

(Carmine screams) (crunching)

(Areola gulps) - [Carmine] Help me.

I've gotta get out of here.

Help!

(trumpet fanfare)