Original subtitles

Ronaldo: Beach City -- a sleepy seaside town.

From far away, it looks ordinary,

but take a closer look,

and you'll start to notice the cracks in the facade.

[ News theme plays ]

My name is --

uh...

[ Clears throat ]

My name is Ronaldo.

For years, I've run a blog called "keep Beach City weird."

My mission -- keep Beach City weird!

And also to expose the truth.

Most people choose to ignore my mind-blowing revelations.

But no one could deny it when the truth

was pointing right in the town's collective face.

[ Ronaldo gasps ]

It's an invasion!

Look at that thing! It's right there!

Beach City needed to be saved.

But from what?

Duhm! Duhm! Duhm!

Eh, I was just cleaning up some fish for a very big order

when it happened.

I felt this very peculiar rumbling,

like, "boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!"

And then a sonic boom!

And the fish I was preparing

flew up into the air and fell on the ground.

I ran outside and saw

this great big thing in the sky.

The town was under attack!

What is this for, again?

It's a web-sclusive for my bl--

oh. Uh, yes. That day was crazy.

The mayor said -- Ronaldo: Were you scared?!

What?! No!

I wasn't -- I was just concerned

that something bad would happen to the shop.

So you cried a lot?

I don't know what you're talking about.

[ Crying ] Let it go!

Dad, no! [ Crying ] [ Grunts ]

Please, no! [ Grunts ]

I was under a lot of stress at the time!

[ Groans ]

Aww. Hey.

What?

I'm here for you, bro.

Mmmm.

[ Muffled ] I'm fine! Let me go!

You can't make up drama this good!

Ronaldo: With the space hand closing in

for a high-five of the third kind,

we fled the town.

But then, just as mysteriously as the space hand appeared,

it exploded into an explosion.

[ Explosion ] What in blue blazes was that?!

I think it was an explosion.

Ronaldo: Unbelievable.

I missed it!

There's no actual footage

of the giant hand thing crashing into the beach,

but here's a little re-enactment for you.

Whoooooooooa!

Pfff! Whah!

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Aaah! [ Inhales sharply ] My hand! Aah--

Beach City was saved.

But by whom?

Ronaldo: Miss! Huh?

Who do you think saved Beach City

from the giant hand craft?

Oh. Hey, Ronaldo.

Wait. A-- are you filming?

Please answer the question.

Oh. Okay. Um, yeah, sure.

Who saved us?

Um, well, wasn't it Steven's...Family?

I-I think they pretty much keep to themselves.

Steven says they protect the planet and the human race

[ store bell chimes ] And that they have magic powers.

It sounds hard to believe,

but I've seen some pretty wild stuff.

Once, they made us hamburgers,

and we were having a pretty good time.

But then we were attacked by a huge creature.

Hey! You making a movie?

Oh, let him be.

Ronaldo: It's a docu-web-umentary about The Crystal Gems.

[ Scoffs ] They are c-ra-zy.

One of them tried to knock me in the face.

I ain't mad, though.

Ronaldo: Mayor Dewey, who do you think

saved Beach City from the hand craft?

Why, young man, I credit the voters

with saving Beach City.

My constituents know they've elected a mayor

whom they can trust to --

huh? No, I'm talking about The Crystal Gems.

[ Laughs nervously ] W-why?

Well, I'm covering the story.

Cover-up?! What cover-up?!

But, mayor -- security!

H-hey! You can't suppress the truth!

Obviously, The Crystal Gems were involved,

even at the highest levels of local government.

I decided to go to the source.

Right now, I'm standi--

peedee: Speak up!

[ Echoing ] Right now, I'm standing directly below

the fortress of The Crystal Gems!

I am now going to attempt to make contact

with the mysterious, reclusive, and --

aah! Hi, Ronaldo.

Uh, hi, peedee. Is that a camera?

Peedee: Yeah. We're making a movie about --

it's an investigative report, shot camera vérité.

Cool!

So...Want to participate in a groundbreaking interview?

Hmm.

Only if you...

Participate in a glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade!

Ohhh. That giant hand?

It was a spaceship coming to get us.

Us?! I knew it!

Steven, we know too much!

No, not us us.

I-I meant me and The Crystal Gems.

Wait. So the hand wasn't here to snatch up humans

for a human zoo?

Or interfere with our subsidized Beach City wind farm?

Or thaw the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent?!

Uh... No, I'm pretty sure

it came to Beach City for me and The Crystal Gems.

Oh.

So if you and The Crystal Gems weren't here,

we wouldn't have been attacked by the giant hand?

[ Chuckling ] Ohh. Definitely not.

[ Glass shatters ]

Ronaldo: And there it was.

The Crystal Gems weren't saving us.

They were putting us in danger.

[ Buzzer ]

I felt I had no choice

but to lay bare this ugly truth

to the unwitting citizens of Beach City.

Ronaldo: Ma'am! [ Gasps ]

Are you aware that The Crystal Gems

not only saved the town

but also caused the invasion in the first place?

Oh. Well, no more fish are getting knocked out of my hands,

so I'm not complaining.

Ronaldo: Sir! Sir!

How do you feel about The Crystal Gems

attracting an onslaught of dangerous space beings?

Do you feel safe?

[ Gasps ]

Hey! You can't keep quiet forever!

How can you possibly go on, knowing that we are under siege

by forces meant to destroy The Crystal Gems?

How close are you to being done with this project?

Just answer the question, dad!

[ Sighs ] I-I guess it's pretty bad.

But what's a regular guy like me supposed to do about it?

I've got work to do.

And so do you! Put down that camera!

Ronaldo: Everyone was too afraid

to realize they were actually afraid.

Beach City needed a hero.

And that hero would have to be me.

Whoa, whoa --

okay, everything's ready

for our full-on nighttime stealth coverage.

Peedee: Is it really okay for us to be

lurking around here like this?

We're not lurking! We're investigating!

This is a moment of true bravery.

Are you brave like me?

I'm so brave to be doing this.

Come on!

Amethyst: Aaah! [ Grunts ]

Steven: Aaaah!

Stay back, little bro!

Race you back to the danger zone.

Wait up! Steven!

Uh, hey, Ronaldo. Hey, peedee.

You guys should be careful --

[ peedee panting ] Cut the pleasantries!

You're all a danger to our city!

What are you talking about?

Garnet: Pearl! Now!

Peedee: Hohhh, my gosh! What the heck is that?!

[ Groans ] Pearl! Now!

Ha! Aim for the eye!

Aye-aye, Garnet.

Where's Amethyst?

Right here!

[ Roars ]

Let's finish the job.

This is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about, Steven!

But The Crystal Gems are here to help people.

But all the monsters just come here to get you guys

and then wreck things and put us in danger!

Beach City would be way safer if you guys weren't here!

Listen, frybo.

Magic beings are indeed drawn to us,

but we were here long before Beach City even existed.

Who cares how long you've been here?!

Innocent people are in danger

as long as you're hanging around!

You're right. I guess we'll just leave, then.

Excuse me? Really?!

But, Garnet --

put your buts away, Steven.

We're not wanted here, so let's just leave.

But, Garnet, we'll have to move all the bubbles.

A-and what about Steven's things?

Man! Ugh. I kind of liked it here.

Uh...

Mission accomplished!

Uh, you can turn the camera o--

ahhhhh.

That's right. I did it.

Thanks to me, the gems are gone forever.

Mm. That's too bad.

Now you won't have anything to blog about anymore.

Come on, dude. I'm trying to finish the movie.

Well, this relates to your movie.

You said it yourself --

the gems cause all the weird stuff in Beach City,

so now that they're gone, there'll be no more weird stuff.

No.

No!

What have I done?!

Ronaldo: What had I done?

I done bad.

I made a terrible mistake.

[ Peedee panting ] This -- this is -- [ Panting ]

This is a matter of weird and death!

Peedee: I'm going... As fast as I can!

[ Panting ]

Crystal gems! You have to stay!

Every messed-up consequence of your presence

gives me reason to wake up in the morning!

Without you, my blog doesn't stand a chance!

I'm too late! What have I done?!

I've made Beach City...

Normal!

[ Sobbing ]

I've broken my promise to the city!

And to myself!

[ Sobbing ]

[ Moans ]

[ Sighs ]

You're still here!

Please don't leave! I was wrong!

Stay and keep this town weird!

Ronaldo: I had no idea

how this Crystal Gem would respond to my plea.

The answer will shock you.

Okay.

Haaaaaaaaaaaah!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[ Sobbing ]

[ Laughing maniacally ]

I had skillfully negotiated for the gems to stay.

Perhaps I have a future in...

Intergalactic diplomacy?

[ Laughs ]

In the end,

I suppose the gems really do save Beach City --

from being not weird!

Okay, peedee, I think that about wraps it up.

Good job with the camera, bro.

Peedee: Oh. Thanks.

[ Digital music playing ]

That was very poorly edited.

Were we really gonna leave Beach City?

No. I just wanted him to get that camera out of my face.

I wonder how many people have seen this thing.

Oh. [ Laughs ] I think we're the only ones.

See?

Hmm.

Click.

♪ If I could begin to be

♪ half of what you think of me

♪ I could do about anything

♪ I could even learn how to love like you ♪