Original subtitles

Rhonda: Do you know what an application portal is, Brooke?

Because I do.

It's the way you confirm your enrollment to Berkeley.

Now tell me why,

when I never had the opportunity to go to any college,

why do I know that?

Laila?

I'm a busy woman, Brooke.

And yet here I am. Internet portals.

Setting up an externship for the summer,

as if I have any idea

of what on God's green Earth an externship is.

But somehow, Miss Laila can't seem to do these things.

Oh, she's too busy. With therapy.

Yes, she's been working very hard.

Life skills, Brooke. That's why I brought her here.

-Does she have them yet? -Rhonda, this is a proc--

Okay, that's a no.

So when?

Laila?

Would you mind if I spoke with your grandmother

privately for a moment?

Rhonda.

Would you mind if I walked you out?

(door opens)

(birds chirping)

I think it would be good for Laila

to do more things on her own.

Rhonda: If I could trust her to do that, I would.

But, I can't.

-I know Laila's smart. -Brooke: She's more than just smart.

She has a way of looking at the world

that genuinely surprises me.

She makes me challenge my own assumptions.

Do you have any idea how rare that is?

-Rhonda: You believe that? -Brooke: I do.

But Laila and I still have work to do,

and I'm asking for the time to make that happen.

Rhonda: Well then, you've got your hour.

-(door shuts) -(footsteps approaching)

Laila?

Let's get started.

(light piano music playing)

♪

It was all, like, ping-pong balls and pots. Like,

I don't know, uh, the pots were angled, and they were, like,

trying to bounce them in a particular order.

To get them in the cup?

Okay, I-- it sounds dumb, but I swear, it was like amazing.

And it also got me through that first quarantine phase, too.

Can't believe you haven't seen it.

I'm not really a social media person.

But it wasn't, like, purely a TikTok thing.

Like, people were sharing it everywhere.

On Twitter, Instagram, on Facebook even.

And it was just this white lady and her son,

but it was, like, totally wholesome.

Like, you could tell they had a really nice relationship.

-Do-- -(rumbling)

-(animals chirping, squeaking) -(skittering on roof)

What is that?

-(chirping continues) -Squirrels fighting.

(running continues)

Damn. It's like NatGeo up in these hills.

-(laughs) -You know, I saw a peacock

walking down the middle of the street the other morning?

It was insane, like...

I had been transported to, like, India or something.

I would give anything to go anywhere else

for a little, just a little while.

Mm.

-Amen. -Is that one of the reasons

you've been dreaming of getting away with Cara?

You make it sound like it's like a fantasy or something.

It's fully happening. We have a plan.

It didn't sound like it last week.

-Yeah, but that was last week. -Laila,

I know you want to run away but I'm not sure--

We're gonna fly to Mexico City.

-Mexico? -That's, like, the first stop.

There's a Courtyard Marriott right next to the airport,

so we'll spend a night there

before taking a flight to Lima in the morning.

And from Lima, we'll take a flight to an even smaller city

called Cusco, where we're gonna spend a few nights

-to get acclimated. -Acclimated?

Yeah, to the altitude. And from Cusco,

we're gonna take a train to an even smaller town

called Aguascalientes,

where we'll spend a few more nights to get acclimated

-before going to... -(drumming on legs)

Machu Picchu.

-Machu Picchu? -I'm dying to go.

-Why? -I love everything about it. I love...

-I love heights, and I love-- -You love heights?

Most people are afraid of heights.

Actually, they're afraid of the feeling that comes over them

that makes them wanna jump.

You ever heard anybody say that?

-L'appel du vide. -Yes.

Exactly.

You step to the edge of a cliff,

and the feeling creeps up on you and...

Yeah.

The abyss beckons.

(scoffs) It must be so fucking cool.

So, you don't get that feeling?

Maybe a little, but,

I mean, Cara is, like, terrified of heights. Like,

when we first started going to the overlook, she'd get vertigo.

-How does she feel about Machu Picchu? -Oh, she's excited.

She's really into ancient stuff and--

I mean, mostly, like, Egyptian stuff.

I mean, she's a total dork about--

Did she help with the planning?

I mean, no, but it's not hard.

-You know, it's just Google. -Did she have a say

in where you were going?

What do you mean, "Did she have a say?"

Was Machu Picchu her choice or yours?

I mean, it was, like, both of ours.

You know, I like being outside. I like the mountains.

I like climbing. And she likes ancient shit, so it's, like...

Yeah, it-it's perfect.

So you decided?

By yourself?

Can I get some water?

Sure. It's in the little fridge in the island.

-(opens fridge) -Oh! Glass bottles?

-(bottles rattling) -Very responsible, Dr. T.

(shuts fridge)

(sighs) Do you ever, like,

think about how much plastic the pandemic has heaped on Earth?

Disposable gloves, water bottles,

everything in individualized packaging?

Mm. I guess hydration is important.

Hm.

I wish somebody told me that when I was your age.

Uh-uh. Do not "when I was your age" people.

-Why? -Because it makes you sound old.

Like, you're older,

but you're not like "old."

(laughs) Well, I'm going to

-"when I was your age" you one more time. -(laughs)

Mm. This one, she doesn't listen.

I distinctly remember having the urge

to run away when I was your age.

Uh-uh-uh! Don't say it another time! Literally,

like, Candyman gonna come or Bloody Mary or, like,

-whoever comes when you say something like three times. -(laughs)

(sighs) Have you ever run away before?

Well, yeah. Hasn't everyone?

Do you remember the first time you ran away?

Um...

I was little, like...

5?

When we were still living in Anaheim.

-Where'd you go? -Um...

Not far.

Just to the end of the block.

It was a long block,

but it wasn't, like, really running away.

The way my grandma tells it,

I was off going to find my mom.

(scoffs)

Jeez.

It's, like, sad, isn't it?

(deep sigh)

My parents divorced when I was little.

Truthfully, I don't ever remember them being together.

But...

Yeah, I don't know what happened, but it was messy.

How often did you see her afterwards?

A few times maybe.

I don't know what they worked out, but either my dad

didn't want her to have custody,

or she didn't want it.

-How was the divorce explained to you? -(scoffs) Well, it wasn't.

One day, I woke up, and my mom was gone, and...

there was Grandma.

Did you miss her?

(sighs) I mean, enough to...

pack up my Minnie Mouse rolling suitcase

and walk straight out the door to find her.

And this is dumb, but I remember everyone's lawn was dying.

And the sidewalk was really messed up

and hard for me to roll my suitcase down it.

It was hot. It was so hot.

When I got to the end of the block, there was this bush.

Just branches, so I-I guess there was, like,

a-a drought or something.

(scoffs) Now I realize, like,

(laughs) there weren't any leaves, so, obviously, people could see me.

(sighs) I must've looked so stupid.

I just remember feeling like...

like I had escaped this realm, you know?

Everything okay there?

Oh, um...

Yeah. Yeah, it's nothing.

Anyways, my grandma found me and dragged me

and my suitcase all the way back home.

(laughs) And, yeah. You know what happens

to a Black girl when she doesn't act right.

What happens to a Black girl when she doesn't act right?

(scoffs) Dr. Taylor, are you serious?

I mean, I know your family is bougie, but, like,

y'all are still Black, right?

What happens, Laila?

You have to pick the belt.

Was corporal punishment a fixture in your childhood?

Jeez, "corporal punishment"?

That's like...

What's the name of that prison in Iraq?

How would you describe it?

(scoffs) I mean, not like that.

You were never spanked when you were a kid? Black kids get beat.

-It's not a big deal-- -The assumption that Black people

need to be punished physically is frustrating for me.

All the research in childhood development--

But it's not torture or anything.

Why do you think you deserve to be hit, Laila?

By any person at any time?

I don't deserve to be hit, and I wasn't hit.

I was spanked. I mean, there's a difference!

And when I look at these white kids that go to my school,

I know that they wouldn't be acting foolish

if their parents had just, I don't know, spanked them

-a time or two-- -Those white kids have

a mental freedom you will never know.

That I will never have. That our culture has--

-Abu Ghraib. -What?

That's the name of the-- that prison in Iraq

where they tortured those people.

We learned about it in social studies in middle school.

Those white soldiers? I mean, they were having a good time!

White police officers, too!

It's fun for them to kill us!

They post about it on Facebook. They make jokes about it!

White ladies be getting amped to call 911 on us

and have cops come and teach us

how to act, but-but that doesn't matter either!

I feel like I've spent my entire life

watching Black kids get murdered!

Like, for what? For nothing!

For a water gun! For...

I mean, Black girls getting dragged down

the middle of the street for being too loud!

Like, the stakes, they're too fucking high

for Black kids to be anything but quiet!

Acting right...

doesn't make a difference.

My dad spent his entire life

trying to move us out of a one-story ranch

in Anaheim to, like,

a glass box in Baldwin Hills,

but does that make a difference? Does that make us safer?

I don't know.

My grandma threw out all of my hoodies after Trayvon!

Does that make me safer?

I mean, I'm alive.

I survived.

And now, I wear Gucci instead of,

I don't know, fucking Old Navy or whatever the fuck,

but does that make me safer?

Everything my family has done,

everything Jamal has worked for,

it-it doesn't fucking matter!

It's all bullshit!

Is that bullshit what you're trying to run away from?

(sighs)

So what? I... (sniffles)

(sighs)

I suppose your ways of escaping are, like,

(sniffs) a warm bubble bath?

-A Terry McMillan novel? -(laughs)

If only.

We're all human, Laila.

Every one of us.

The last time you...

(sighs)

escaped?

Where did you go?

-Seattle. -Why?

Um...

There's a mountain there. (sniffs)

Mount Rainier.

-Have you been? (laughs) -Nope.

It's not the tallest mountain, but...

but the thing that makes it so special is that...

it's taller than any of the mountains surrounding it.

So you get to the top of it and you can, like,

see out forever.

It's like the overlook on steroids.

You get that high up,

and you're just, like...

untouchable.

Anyways, um,

yeah. I took the train there. It was dumb. It took forever.

And what was the mountain like?

(scoffs)

I never actually made it to Mount Rainier.

Oh. Why not?

'Cause Grandma was waiting for me at the station

as soon as the train pulled up.

Were you surprised to see her?

(sighs)

No.

Like...

I didn't know how she got there.

But her being there wasn't a surprise. Not at all.

So what happened?

She had to take us back to LAX.

She had found out where I was going.

I had put the tickets on my dad's credit card,

which was an amateur move, but...

She figured it out, got a flight,

made her way to the train station...

all the time that it took me to get there

in the first place, so.

So what happened?

She didn't say a thing.

Seriously.

We took an Uber back to the airport.

She didn't say a thing.

Took the flight, nothing.

We took an Uber from LAX

to back home.

Nothing. (laughs)

Actually, you wanna know what the first thing she said to me was?

"Pick a belt."

She didn't ask you why you ran away?

She doesn't wanna know a thing about me.

And did you pick a belt?

I... I was too old to be spanked.

And this was like...

two years ago. I don't know.

It's embarrassing, you know? Like,

I'm not a little kid anymore, so fuck that and fuck her.

So what happened?

She picked the belt.

She chased me all around the house,

swinging as hard as she could.

She didn't care if she knocked shit off the wall.

Just, like, after me, you know?

I locked myself in the bathroom.

(sobs, sniffles)

I thought she was gonna kick the door down.

-Or like kill herself trying. -Why didn't you leave?

It was like I was a dumb bitch in a horror movie, I guess.

Like, shit's real. You just like panic,

and just like stay in the house.

(sighs) I just keep on failing.

And failing and failing and failing,

even though I don't fail at anything

because I can't!

If I were to like fail a test

or a quiz or...

like a-a-a class,

everything would be worse. Everybody would freak out,

and so, so I don't fail because...

(sobs)

Because I can't.

But it makes sense because that's what Black people do.

That's what we're for in America.

We're set up to fail.

Everything is set up that way,

so if you're the one-in-a-thousand person that doesn't,

then that's fucking great.

Doesn't sound like you think success is all that great.

My dad's a success,

and he's miserable.

I'm a success. I got into every single school that I applied to.

But I'm still crying about stuff that happened two years ago.

Does that view affect how you see your future in general?

Do you think you'll ever be happy?

I'll either be...

trapped...

in some never-ending capitalist bullshit

fucking parade...

(sighs)

or I'll just be the trash

that this country already thinks I am.

So no.

I don't think I'll ever be happy.

-Where's my phone? -Laila...

if you can just stay with me here.

I know this is hard.

-Are you texting with Cara? -(phone bloops)

(sighs) How'd you know?

You wanna share why you felt like you needed

-to reach out to her? -You keep on telling me that the time

we spend in here is for me.

And right now, I want to text my girlfriend.

Is that okay with you?

That's fine.

(texting)

(opens fridge)

(shuts fridge)

-(cracks open bottle) -(sighs)

(puts down lid)

(footsteps approaching)

Um, that's time.

Is there, like, something you should say?

What do you mean?

So I can go?

You're free to go whenever you want, Laila.

Well, thanks for today.

You're welcome.

(car honking)

See you next week.

Yeah.

Okay.

(footsteps departing)

(door opens)

(door shuts)

(opens freezer)

(rummaging, shuts freezer)

(pops top)

(pouring)

(puts down bottle)

(deep exhale)

("Tuesday Feeling" by Blood Orange playing)

(ball bouncing)

-Oh! -Yeah!

-(ball bouncing) -♪ Take it or leave it ♪

-(cheering on video) -♪ It's what you're owed ♪

(soft laugh)

(bouncing)

(email chimes)

♪ He could make you think you're someone else ♪

♪ Headaches always ♪

♪ Always, uh ♪

♪ Something to hold onto ♪

♪ While you change all you do for a place ♪

(sighs)

♪ Uh, yeah, uh ♪

♪ Take it or leave it ♪

♪ It's what you're owed ♪

♪ Not okay ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Choose to ignore blues ♪

(phone ringing)

-Rita (on phone): Brooke? -There's no match, Rita.

Rita: Brooke? Are you okay?

♪ You choose to stay ♪

He doesn't wanna know me.

The adoption services email.

Rita: What email are you talking about?

It's like a big neon "fuck you" sign from my DNA.

Rita: Back up, Brooke.

-(song fades out) -(record crackling)

♪ ♪

-(puts down glass) -(sighs)

-(opens garbage can) -(bottles clatter)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪