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1
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:10,144
Some people would
thank the colleague
2
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,712
that drove them to work.
3
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,582
You were in a confined area
with Vic? I'm sorry.
4
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,983
My car's still in the shop,
5
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:18,052
but he made me ride
in the back seat.
6
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,987
Mariah rides shotty
7
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,056
- because she doesn't complain.
- Mariah
8
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,624
is a blow-up doll.
9
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,493
HOV companion.
10
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:26,627
Shh.
11
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:27,995
Do you guys hear that?
12
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:29,897
The distant roar
13
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:33,567
of a 12-ton
7.6 liter diesel engine?
14
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:37,004
- I don't hear anything.
- Quiet.
15
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,272
There it is. That hiss.
16
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,840
Maybe Mariah blew a patch.
17
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,775
- No, she... No.
- Compressed air
18
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,511
from a split-panel folding door.
19
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,678
Windows that
20
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,914
don't retract fully.
21
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:49,417
Paint.
Industrial yellow.
22
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,085
You can tell all of that
from a sound?
23
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:54,388
I can tell all of that
from a nightmare.
24
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,457
Are we standing?
25
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,695
Hormones.
26
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,063
Acne medication.
27
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:07,235
Victoria's Secret's
"Love Spell."
28
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,470
Happy Teen Outreach Day!
29
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,772
- Oh, my God, slay.
- You ate.
30
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,074
I knew it.
31
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,176
High schoolers.
32
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:22,783
As you all know from my email,
33
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,051
which, by looking at
34
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:26,086
your faces, you did not read,
today is
35
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,656
Teen Outreach Day!
36
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:29,623
Goals:
37
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,091
Get teens driving and drum up
38
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,526
good press for our branch.
39
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,728
This takes me back
to my days as a teacher.
40
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,797
- Aw.
- No "aw."
41
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,633
I break out into hives whenever
I hear a backpack unzip.
42
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:40,868
Do you know how bad
43
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,436
a job it must have been
for the DMV
44
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,904
to be an upgrade?
45
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,439
Barb, did you bring
this pimple parade in here?
46
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,874
I'm gonna be
photoshopping all day.
47
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,776
I turned the parking lot
into a driving course.
48
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:50,277
You guys, I'm so excited.
49
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:51,545
Today's gonna slap.
50
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,780
Hey, what-what are
51
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,683
these cards?
"Yeet, bet, no cap?"
52
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,286
Handy teen slang translators.
53
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,355
Gregg, don't be mid.
54
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,823
I don't need those RN. I got,
like, a dozen baby cousins
55
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,924
who are constantly texting me.
56
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,959
They're, like, obsessed.
57
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,328
It's low-key sad.
58
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,961
Low-key. "Sort of," "secretly."
These are great.
59
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,062
Thanks, Barb.
60
00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:11,332
- So dusty.
- "Dusty."
61
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,167
Aw... Oh, no, that's not nice.
62
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,835
I want everybody in slay mode.
63
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,070
W's only today, no crap. Cap!
64
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,240
Well, I'm gonna file
a complaint with HR
65
00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:20,974
if anyone calls me "bestie."
66
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:22,976
What if call you "testy?"
67
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,279
Yeah, that's all right.
68
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,150
What are you doing?
69
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,985
Trying to throw out my back
so Barb will send me home.
70
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,987
Gregg, you're being ridic...
71
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,990
Wait... so chopped.
Oh, no, that's wrong.
72
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,427
I'm not spending a whole day
with a bunch of teenagers.
73
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,328
Come on,
74
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:41,829
if anyone should be doing
75
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,331
road tests today, it's you.
76
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,334
I bet you were a great teacher.
77
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,668
What did your students
used to call you... Mr. Mosley?
78
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,439
Mr. Gregg? Mr. M?
79
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:54,308
Busted. It's Mr. M.
80
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,277
- And do not call me that.
- Why don't you
81
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:59,347
ever talk about teaching?
Did something bad happen?
82
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:00,781
Did you have an affair
with the principal?
83
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,484
Did you go on your
Ben Franklin rant?
84
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,018
No, and stop asking.
85
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,687
Only if you agree
to take at least
86
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,056
one road test today, Mr. M.
87
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,025
Fine. I'll do one test.
88
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,627
Did you wear
the wrong pants to school
89
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,396
and then everyone
made a really mean nickname
90
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,198
and then you had to withdrawal
from the school altogether?
91
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,336
Dude, I just saw my son.
92
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,804
I'm sorry, what?
93
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,072
My son.
94
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,040
He must go to
East Hollywood Magnet.
95
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,942
Mate, you don't have a son.
96
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,379
That's what I thought until now.
97
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,314
See, there's
a sperm bank nearby,
98
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,383
and 17 years ago,
99
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,518
I dropped off
a little "donaish."
100
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,052
So-so, you, you donated?
101
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,554
- Mm-hmm.
- And they accepted it?
102
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,291
Many times. And then,
in comes these kids today
103
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,560
and there's one
that looks exactly like me.
104
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,329
There he is.
105
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,598
Him?
106
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,733
I don't think that's your son.
107
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,236
Whoo!
108
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:57,405
Huh.
109
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:00,741
Is this the "locaish"
for the "examinaish?"
110
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,643
Vic, I think you're right.
111
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,346
Someone used your sperm
for "inseminaish."
112
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,180
Oh, my God.
113
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,650
- There's two of you.
- Yeah.
114
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,389
Excuse me, what are you doing?
115
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:18,526
Uh, I told Sacramento Sally
about Teen Outreach Day
116
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,261
and she said if we give her
a 20-second clip,
117
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,564
she'll put it on DMV-TV L.A.
118
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,233
DMV-TV is so lame.
119
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,935
Nobody cares about
the history of asphalt
120
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,102
or that silly little game show
121
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,504
where you
have to name road signs.
122
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,239
Oh, Win, Lose or Yield?
123
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:33,341
I love that show.
124
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,108
The host is a traffic cone.
125
00:04:35,207 --> 00:04:36,777
Only idiots watch DMV-TV.
126
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,980
I heard that Ray Henderson,
director of the California DMV,
127
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,048
watches all the time.
128
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,282
Mm-hmm.
129
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,051
The point is, this is a huge
130
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,419
opportunity for us. I already
131
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:46,887
shot a bunch of footage.
132
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:51,124
I just need
my lead actor. My star.
133
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,593
Star?
134
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,262
Oh, my God. Barb. Hello?
135
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,229
I have
136
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,099
so much on-camera experience.
137
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,902
I was a baby model.
138
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,303
Do you remember
that cereal commercial
139
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,506
but the baby was
slightly too hot for a baby?
140
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,740
That was me.
141
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,175
Okay, you're hired.
142
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,109
Aah! Really?
143
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,712
But it's only one line.
144
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,614
One line?
145
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:14,982
But tons of action.
146
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,917
How do you feel
about doing your own stunts?
147
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,420
Are you comfortable
with a small, minor explosion
148
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,721
behind your head?
149
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,190
My whole vibe
is small explosions.
150
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,295
Okay, AJ, a few rules
before we begin.
151
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,163
No phones, no dabbing,
152
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,600
no live-streaming
your "driver era."
153
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,602
"Oh, but my followers
need content."
154
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,904
This isn't content.
Am I clear?
155
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,806
Whatever.
156
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,341
Great.
I love your enthusiasm.
157
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,710
I'm gonna play
some driving music.
158
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:43,811
Do you have any preferences?
159
00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:45,746
I don't care what we listen to.
160
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,180
What?
161
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,451
A teen without ridiculously
strong opinions on music?
162
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,553
Oh, I get it.
You just read
163
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:56,289
Sartre in your English class
and now you're trying on apathy.
164
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,258
Bro, I barely read my texts.
165
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,493
Okay.
166
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,562
Well, skip the music
167
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,997
and just start the test
whenever you're ready.
168
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,700
Okay, stop right there.
169
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,536
You forgot to do
the pre-drive safety check.
170
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,404
That's an automatic fail.
171
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,475
This is where
you're supposed to beg me
172
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,009
to give you another chance
because you're supposed
173
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,378
to pick up your crew
from the Taco Bell.
174
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:21,048
A-a crew?
No thanks.
175
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,383
Ah, yeah.
You're a loner.
176
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,852
Zoom school got you scarred
177
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,353
and now you're
hiding behind Fortnite.
178
00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,589
Not into video games.
179
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,592
Not into video games,
not into music.
180
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,260
You don't care if you fail.
181
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,096
Do you care about anything?
182
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:38,666
Nah.
183
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,000
"Nah?"
184
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,203
Nobody "nah's" me.
185
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,305
I invented "nah."
186
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,046
Oh, Greggles,
187
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,247
how was the road test?
188
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:55,348
Did you get
the closure you needed
189
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,750
about your teaching past
190
00:06:56,850 --> 00:07:00,220
when your most promising student
let you down by...
191
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,756
You know what,
it's not my place.
192
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,192
Trading his textbooks
for the heroin spoon?
193
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,394
Not ready to share.
Got it.
194
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:10,397
- That test was bizarre.
- Mm?
195
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,432
I've come across
all kind of kids.
196
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:15,135
Jerks, slackers, druggies,
197
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,004
class clowns, teacher's pets.
198
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,840
Oh, no, no.
We're called "try-hards."
199
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,241
There was something
about this kid.
200
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,611
- He didn't care about anything.
- Yeah,
201
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,078
but that's every teenager.
202
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,880
No, but this kid is different.
203
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,048
I failed him,
204
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,316
he didn't
205
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,752
flinch. He just
stared off into space.
206
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,386
Pure apathy.
207
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,723
I've never met anyone
like that before.
208
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,291
Um, have you met you?
209
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,928
I know what this is.
I think...
210
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,296
I think you see yourself in him.
211
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,498
Yeah, sure, if AJ was my age,
212
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,899
I would love to grab a beer
213
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,901
and dead-eye a wall
until the bar closed.
214
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,803
- That is so sweet.
- I didn't stop caring
215
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,672
until I was much older.
216
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:55,008
Sixteen is way too young
to be that disillusioned.
217
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,846
- Caught it.
- What?
218
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,014
The sparkle in your eye.
219
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,315
You're just
220
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,784
itching to get back
in the game, to shape
221
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,485
and inspire a young mind.
222
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,621
Please.
I'm done with that life.
223
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:11,825
And also, I'll never
see that kid again.
224
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,293
Totally.
225
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,463
I see those wheels turning.
You better park it.
226
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,931
Totally.
227
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,332
D-40 at...
228
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,802
Would you take a look in this?
229
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,103
Look right there.
Right in there, I think I s...
230
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,005
Oh!
231
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,274
Splash! Literally.
232
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,709
Kid's a genius.
233
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,177
I'm gonna take him
234
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,345
on a driving test, see if
I can find out if he's mine.
235
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,347
Yeah, well, he
looks like you, he dresses
236
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,250
like you, and he's a bully
who doesn't read the room.
237
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,818
Yeah, but still...
238
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,554
I got a feeling.
239
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:42,054
Last night,
240
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,157
I binged Scorsese's
MasterClass on filmmaking.
241
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,293
- It's all about framing.
- Okay, Barb,
242
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,495
come on. Can we just shoot this
thing? I think we're good.
243
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:51,565
Let's not let good be
the enemy of perfect, okay?
244
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,433
Good is the enemy of perfect.
245
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,068
That's why everyone
who's a seven hates me.
246
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,369
All right, kids, once you see
247
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,805
the camera push in,
I want you all
248
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,773
to gather behind Ceci.
It's gonna be a oner
249
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,975
like the Copacabana entrance
in Goodfellas.
250
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,711
Pretties in the front,
braces in the back.
251
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:04,645
Let's go.
252
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,213
And no touching the talent.
253
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,115
And action.
254
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,250
Hello.
255
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,385
- Before we start...
- Mm-hmm?
256
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,922
Full "disclosh."
I got E.D.
257
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:17,858
Energy drink.
258
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,493
Same, dawg. Same.
259
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,429
Love me some E.D.
260
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,032
- Whoo! Yeah!
- All right.
261
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,333
So, Nictor, uh...
262
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,168
You can just, uh, call me Nic.
263
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,970
Oh, I'm Vic.
264
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,739
Short for Vicolas.
265
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,573
Ah.
266
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,910
So, uh, uh, before we get going,
267
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,912
just a few standard Qs.
268
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,681
What's up with your mom?
269
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,082
My moms?
270
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,085
Did you... did you just say
"moms," plural?
271
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,086
Yeah.
272
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,487
I got two of 'em.
273
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,789
And before you ask,
274
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,659
- they're both hot.
- Oh...
275
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,627
Wait, are these questions,
like, uh, part of the test?
276
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,462
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Family history
277
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,064
-affects driving,
-Right.
278
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,766
And so I'm gonna-I'm gonna
get it all down here.
279
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:01,301
Two smokeshow mommies.
280
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,502
Hey, I got a question.
281
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,637
Yeah?
282
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:06,273
Favorite movie on three.
One, two, three.
283
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,909
Trick question,
not a movie. Entourage
284
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,610
season three?
285
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,212
Whoa!
286
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,048
Dude, you passed.
287
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,449
Flying colors.
288
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,484
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
289
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,886
Yeah, dawg!
290
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:22,122
I haven't even
started driving yet, though.
291
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,458
You passed something
far more important, son.
292
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,094
I mean little Vic...
293
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,495
Nic.
294
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,900
Oh, Mr. M,
AJ wants to talk to you.
295
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,802
Uh, you pulled me off the bus
296
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,069
and said I forgot
to sign something.
297
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,437
Oh, well, doesn't matter
how we got here.
298
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,172
The point is you're here now,
299
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,473
and you thought you'd never
300
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:41,909
see him again, but here he is.
301
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,410
A-a soft mind,
302
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,778
ripe for molding.
303
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,446
- What's happening?
- I'm sorry,
304
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,782
my colleague is addicted
to helping people,
305
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,184
especially those
who don't ask for it.
306
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,553
I think you like helping
people, too.
307
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,322
It's just that
you need a little nudge.
308
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,524
Oh, welp,
309
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,192
there goes my bus.
310
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,794
Yeah, look at that, Colette.
311
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,462
AJ missed his ride.
312
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,664
I can take the public bus.
313
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,666
Oh, no.
Colette can take you home.
314
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,101
She got you into this mess.
315
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,437
I'd love to,
but if you remember,
316
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:11,872
my car's in the shop.
317
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,474
Okay, fine, I'll drive you home.
318
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,310
I'm coming with. I'm not
gonna miss Mr. M in action.
319
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,479
Wonderful.
There's nothing I love more
320
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:22,382
than having an audience
during gridlock.
321
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:28,188
Two moms, no dad.
Enter Papa Vic.
322
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,522
Papa Vic?
323
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:30,991
- Yeah.
- That's quite...
324
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:31,925
Awesome, I know.
325
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,293
So, I just need his phone number
326
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,828
so I can contact his moms.
327
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,663
Can you hack into
the database and snag
328
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,031
- that for me?
- Dude, I... I don't think
329
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,232
you want to ambush
them like that.
330
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,567
They got the product,
331
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,702
why wouldn't they
want to meet the factory?
332
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,072
Can-can you just, like,
call the sperm bank?
333
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,373
That's a great idea.
334
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,741
Okay.
- Gosh, I used to
335
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,076
go there several times a week.
336
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,410
- I don't want to hear any more.
- Yeah.
337
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,979
They let me pick out
my own magazines.
338
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,646
- Yeah, that's why. Please don't.
- I had some faves.
339
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,515
And... action.
340
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,684
East Hollywood DMV
held its first ever
341
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,219
Teen Outreach Day,
where we supported local teens
342
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,289
on their journey to becoming
licensed drivers.
343
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,323
Okay, great warmup.
344
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,858
Let's do it again, real deal.
345
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,359
Real deal?
Barb, that was the real deal.
346
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:07,427
You weren't recording?
347
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,595
And action!
348
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,498
East Hollywood DMV held its
349
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,665
- first...
- Cut.
350
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,067
I'm not hearing "Hollywood."
351
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,836
Action.
352
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,637
East Hollywood DMV
held its first ev...
353
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,839
- Oh, cut.
- Mm.
354
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,173
Sorry, that's on me.
355
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,509
Technical problem.
Finger in the frame.
356
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,444
Action.
357
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:25,879
East Hollywood DMV
358
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,447
- held its first ever T...
- Cut.
359
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,016
- Throw it away more.
- What does that even mean, Barb?
360
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,784
What does that even mean,
"throw it away more?"
361
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,252
And smash to
talent getting difficult.
362
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,921
Difficult? Me?
You think I'm being difficult?
363
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,255
Barb, I've been
standing here for hours,
364
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,556
waiting to say this dumb
little line.
365
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,091
- Are you kidding me?
- I have a vision!
366
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:39,426
Oh, well, you know what?
Good luck with your vision,
367
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,861
because I quit!
368
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,462
Well, good luck to you!
369
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,397
'Cause you'll never work
at the DMV again!
370
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,067
For in-house
promotional videos, I mean.
371
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,536
Your regular job
is totally safe.
372
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:53,406
So, AJ, are you going to retest?
373
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,540
Nah.
374
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,043
Why not? Relying on others
375
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,345
for rides is very annoying.
Just this morning,
376
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,948
my driver tried
to fart the National Anthem.
377
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,816
He made it
to "rocket's red glare."
378
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,118
M-My parents
made me get my permit.
379
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,854
And then school
forced me to come
380
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,121
as part of this stupid day.
381
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,656
I never cared about it.
382
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,659
You never cared, huh?
Hmm.
383
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,230
Well, if
384
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,631
Mr. M won't step in,
385
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:21,234
can I ask,
is there trouble at home?
386
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,870
Have you been getting
enough sleep, AJ?
387
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:26,039
I-I love that you think
some rando driving examiner's
388
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,908
gonna be the one
to get through to me.
389
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,077
Actually, Mr. M here
used to be a teacher.
390
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,645
Sorry, rando driving examiner
391
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:35,282
and a failed teacher.
No offense.
392
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,517
Offense taken.
393
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,586
Colette, buckle up.
394
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,591
Gregg, what is happening?
395
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,897
It's time for a lesson.
396
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,240
Since you
don't care about music,
397
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,010
I'm gonna play
something that I like.
398
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,049
- When I was your age,
399
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,484
driving represented freedom.
400
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,723
Get in my car,
get the wind in my face,
401
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,392
kicking out some kick-ass tunes.
402
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,628
I could go anywhere.
403
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:23,063
Felt like I was alive.
404
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,632
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.
405
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,501
You are too young
to be so jaded.
406
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:31,138
You got to earn that.
You have to care now
407
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,006
so you can really
not care later.
408
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,243
Not loving this message
or the driving.
409
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,978
Trust me, you need
410
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,680
to build a deep, bitter well
411
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:42,215
of small defeats.
412
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,751
Like walking into the store
and seeing someone
413
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,619
grab the last bag
of potato chips.
414
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,856
Should not have
let AJ sit up front.
415
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:52,825
Or finally finding a pair of
sneakers that you really love,
416
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,227
but the 11 is too big
417
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:57,164
and the ten and a half
is too small.
418
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,731
And then there's the big ones.
419
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,934
Taxes, marriage,
420
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,735
realizing that your dream job
421
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,004
is a nightmare,
422
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:06,106
and that cilantro
is in everything.
423
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,407
But you know what,
424
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,475
you can't cheat it, kid.
425
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,110
You got to get your license.
426
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,946
You got to get out there,
experience the world so you can
427
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,281
find out firsthand
428
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,050
just how disappointing
life can be.
429
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,918
Because the worst thing
that you can do
430
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,453
at your age is
431
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,955
sit back
432
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,790
and drift.
433
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,693
So...
434
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,529
can you, like, take me home now?
435
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,165
Sure.
436
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,439
What do you want?
437
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:40,940
I got you something.
438
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,111
Look, I wanted to apologize
for using you as a prop
439
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,146
in my pursuit of DMV glory.
440
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,680
Honestly, it's okay.
441
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,915
I'm too iconic for
442
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,183
closed-circuit
television anyway.
443
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,985
I just don't get
why you went all crazy
444
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,586
and made everything
so complicated.
445
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:57,324
Because I thought if we got
a good spot on DMV-TV,
446
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,790
it would give us a leg up and
447
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:01,294
I could help save us
from getting shut down.
448
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,730
Barb, you save us every day
449
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,832
by being such a great manager.
I mean,
450
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,168
think about how many teens
got their licenses today.
451
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,472
Just promise to never
yell "action" at me again.
452
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,074
I mean never.
453
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,643
- I will not.
- And this is my mug.
454
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,478
You literally
took it off my desk.
455
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,247
Where I'm from, we never
look a gift horse in the mouth.
456
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,315
Yeah, you never
look a horse in the mouth.
457
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,385
They bite. That's why
my cousin has that weird hand.
458
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,657
Well, Nictor is not my son.
459
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,659
Guess you wanted
to be a dad, huh?
460
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,627
I wanted someone
to want my sperm.
461
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:35,695
Hey, I'm sure
462
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,330
- somebody wanted it.
- No.
463
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,665
The bank said not a single vial
has ever been bought.
464
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,968
How is that even possible?
465
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,036
My donor profile
466
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:46,005
- is so sick.
- Mm.
467
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,006
Oh.
468
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,542
Okay. Wow.
"Hobbies include
469
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,978
"lifting and
feeding my pet snake,
470
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,480
who gets me."
471
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:54,514
He does.
472
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,349
I'm sorry, man.
473
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:58,185
It's not my fault
people are idiots.
474
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,952
Yeah.
475
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,355
Hey, you know what?
476
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:03,756
I-I think I see
477
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,791
what the problem is here.
Like, your profile...
478
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,426
it's just a little outdated.
479
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,363
Like, it hasn't changed
in years, right? But you have.
480
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,732
Yeah, you're right.
I have grown.
481
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:13,733
- Mm.
- Mainly in
482
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,203
my trapezius and upper glutes.
483
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,838
Right. So, maybe
if we spiff this up,
484
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:21,208
it could get some more
traction, yeah?
485
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,742
Uh, okay.
486
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,176
Obsessed with me much?
487
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:27,247
Great.
Um, where do we start?
488
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,182
Uh, how about
physical description?
489
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,584
Where it says
eye color, you wrote...
490
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:32,752
Bronze.
491
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:33,753
But, um, your eyes...
492
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,388
they're-they're brown, mate.
493
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:36,756
So, why don't we just say brown?
494
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:37,857
Dark gold.
495
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,792
I'm just gonna write "brown."
496
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,001
Whatever it is, just get it out.
497
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,239
I just want to apologize
for that whole mess
498
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,941
with AJ,
and dragging you into it.
499
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,578
And for throwing up in your car.
500
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,680
You're paying for the detailing.
501
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,014
Absolutely.
502
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,552
I never should have tried
to bring back Mr. M.
503
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,521
But you did say
it was your dream job.
504
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,923
And you stopped because...
505
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:12,925
- Oh, I never told you why?
- No, you didn't.
506
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,093
And I never will.
507
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:15,595
That's... mean.
508
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,530
- That is mean.
- I will tell you this.
509
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,866
It was really fun to get back
into the teaching saddle.
510
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,270
Especially the part where I got
to tear up the parking lot.
511
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:25,172
After the DMV
512
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,906
screwed me over with this chair,
513
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,775
it felt good
to get back at them a little.
514
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,710
But you gave
such an amazing speech
515
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,579
and AJ just didn't care.
516
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,080
Well, that's teaching.
517
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,648
There are no clear victories.
518
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,116
You never know when or if
519
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,252
Something's gonna
get through to 'em.
520
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,487
Such a hard job.
521
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,954
Guess that's what
makes teachers heroes.
522
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,256
Heroes?
523
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,358
No, we do it
for the long summer breaks.
524
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,060
Hello! You two.
525
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,830
Our DMV-TV spot is about
to play right now. Come on.
526
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,232
Oh, great.
527
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:55,134
In a world where teens
are forgotten...
528
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,304
- I want freedom!
- Get out of my room!
529
00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,439
Nobody gets me!
530
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,107
I just want to drive.
531
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:04,211
There's one place
that puts teens first,
532
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,079
and into the driver's seat.
533
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,682
- It's the...
- DMV!
534
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,420
From the mind
of Barbara Jason Berry,
535
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,589
and introducing
Cecilia María Lucía Rodríguez
536
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,191
as Ceci.
537
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,993
East Hollywood DMV held its
first ever Teen Outreach Day
538
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,629
where we supported local teens
539
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,532
on their journey to becoming
licensed drivers.
540
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,537
You brought my vision to life.
541
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,772
How on earth did you
do that overnight?
542
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,208
Mm. Remember that little man
that's obsessed with me?
543
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,277
He, like,
owns a studio or something.
544
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,981
Thank you, Ceci.
545
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,182
Okay, Barb.
546
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,051
Excuse me.
547
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,154
Where do I go for a retest?
548
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,328
You did it, Mr. M.
549
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,169
There he is.
550
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:06,038
Dude, after you
redid my profile,
551
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,541
somebody bought a batch
of my teeny, tiny tadpoles.
552
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,842
- Really?
- Yeah.
553
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,010
- That's great.
- Yeah.
554
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,045
The receptionist
I was vibing with
555
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:14,981
called me, all hush-hush.
556
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,216
I think she saw
my hot new profile
557
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,419
and wanted an excuse
to talk to me.
558
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,920
A little "invitaish."
559
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,089
Oh.
Congratulations, man.
560
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,557
Hey, you believed in me, man.
561
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,559
So, um, when that kid is born,
562
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:27,894
I want you to be the godfather.
563
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,095
I don't think
that's how it works,
564
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,430
but thank you, I'm flattered.
565
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,031
You the GF.
566
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,841
Hi.
Hello. Um,
567
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,277
I-I recently, uh, purchased
a vial of your sper...
568
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:47,213
Uh, the stuff you sell.
569
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:50,182
Yes, I-I was just wondering,
I don't actually
570
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,118
have to come pick it up, do I?
571
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,355
Okay.
572
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,490
Yeah, I'll-I'll
be there by 7:00.
39462
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