All language subtitles for South.Park.S18E04.HDTV.x264-KILLERS

sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com

Well, that was a lot of fun.
Thanks for inviting us, guys.

Sure.
You bet.

Are you guys parked over here?

Oh, no, no, no.
We... we took a handicar.

- It was easier that way.
- A handicar?

- What's that?
- You don't use handicar?

No, see, you just get the
handicar app.

It uses GPS to locate where you are,
and a handicar comes and picks you up.

Yeah, and it's cheaper than a taxi.

I'm telling you, it's the future
of transportation.

Oh, here it comes.
Honey, our handicar's here.

- Timmy!
- Have fun driving home.

- I'll be relaxing on my iPad.
- Lucky.

- Timmy!
- Download the app!

It works great!

Oh, excuse me?
I think someone puked back here.

- You don't like puke?
- Could you turn the radio down

and the air conditioning up, please?

No air conditioning.
Too expensive.

Not enough people taking cab.

- Don't know what's wrong.
- Timmy!

What the?

What the we got a big sales
event going on, folks!

Hey, guys!
Can I get you in a 2014 hummer?

- Rocktober sales event, guys!
- No thanks.

Only a few more guitar licks
left in rocktober, guys!

We're good! Shut up!

- Oh, here's our handicar.
- Timmy!

What the?

All right, kids, you know what time
of year it is? That's right.

It's autumn.
And that means our fundraising

for next year's summer camp is
in full gear.

Is everyone psyched for next
year's summer camp?

Yay! Yay!

- So far, Jimmy has raised $16!
- Yay!

- Yay!
- Francis has raised $29.32.

- And Timmy has raised $2,063!
- Timmy!

All righty, if you guys keep this up,

we'll raise the money for
summer camp in no time!

I won't do it, Mimsy.

I won't spend another summer at
that stupid camp.

Derr, we don't like camp, boss?

We hate camp, Mimsy.
The singing, the competitions,

Jimmy Valmer getting all the chicks.

Oh, yeah, and don't forget
last year at summer camp, you

- got raped by a shark.
- Shut up, mimsy!

I'm not gonna spend my summer
trapped at camp with these

punch-happy assholes.
We got to find a way to put

handicar out of business and fast.

Oh, boy, we're gonna wreck
Timmy's business, huh, boss?

Hey, boys. Are you excited
for camp next year?

Yes, Counselor Steve.

- We like the tug of war.
- All right, well, just keep

- working on those donations.
- Come on, mimsy.

We got to figure out how we're
gonna make handicar a thing of

- the past.
- Oh, boy!

We are united as brothers
because just as handicar's taken

away jobs from honest,
hard-working cab drivers, it's

also taking food from the mouths
of the children of car salesmen!

I don't have any children.
Who does this handicapped boy

think he is?
He's not even in union!

He's taking all our business because
people find it more convenient!

And because he's handicapped, he

can use special access points
and parking spaces.

That kid was born with an unfair
advantage!

- Who is this rat?
- His name is Timmy Burch.

And if you don't do something
quick, you're all gonna be out

- of work for good.
- Who are you?

Just someone who doesn't like
to see hard workers like

yourselves lose their jobs.
That's all.

Nobody takes jobs away from us!

We need to speak to mayor and
tell her to shut down this

- illegitimate business.
- Or maybe we could have the

- police shut him down.
- Hey, I got an idea!

Why don't you guys just make
your cars cleaner and nicer and

try to be better to your
customers so that you can

compete with handicar's
popularity in the marketplace?

Just ignore my friend.
He's mentally disabled.

Oh, yeah.
Don't mind me.

Now, listen, everybody.
If you're a sheep herder and

there's a snake taking away your sheep,
what do you do to the snake?

Offer it last year's Christmas
in rocksummer prices?

No, you moron.

You kill the snake.

Timmy, Timmy.
Timmy, Timmy.

Timmy, Timmy.

- Hey, wake up, you little scab.
- T-t-Timmy?

We got a message for ya from The Union.

Just imagine it, Mimsy.
A whole summer to ourselves to

do what we want.
It's going to be awesome.

Well, well. Hello, gentlemen.

I understand you've taken care
of our little problem?

Yeah, we sure did. Let's just
say he'll be laid up awhile.

Yeah, we snuck in his room last

- night and we broke his legs.
- Oh, boy, that's gr...

- Wait, you what?
- Timmy!

- I am Lorde lordy, Lordy, Lorde!
- But we broke his legs.

Both of them!

Let me give you guys a hot news flash.

If you want to hurt a crippled kid,

you don't break his legs!

- How can people be so ineffectual, Mimsy?
- I don't know, boss.

These are supposed to be men
who care about their occupation.

Maybe if they're that
incompetent, we shouldn't be

trying to save their jobs.

Maybe handicar's a kind of
economic natural selection

where the most diligent workers are
weeding out the useless ones. Derr!

Shut up, Mimsy!

Right here is good. Thank you.

- I can just use the app to tip you, right?
- Timmy!

Oh, this is so handy.
Thank you.

Timmy.

Timmy, Timmy.

Hey, Timmy, it's your friend
from camp, Nathan.

- Timmy!
- Listen, you can't possibly

handle all this business you're
getting.

Admit it. You've got more
customers than you can handle.

Timmy.

I've got an amazing idea.
Why don't you let other people

drive handicars, too?
Think of all the money you could

raise for camp if you expand
your business.

Hmm. Timmy.

I'm sure you could find a lot
of interested drivers.

Timmy.

That's great.
Summer camp, here we come.

Now kiss your business goodbye, asshole.

I don't get it, boss.
I thought you hated handicar.

How's come now you want to work for him?

It's very simple, Mimsy.
I'm gonna take down handicar by

being an employee who sexually
harasses the passengers.

- Uh, sexual harassment, boss?
- It's simple.

If you're a sheep herder and a
snake is killing your sheep,

you just need to have the snake get
sued for sexual misconduct.

Now, you find me a female
passenger on that app

- and leave the rest to me.
- Oh, boy!

Timmy. Hello, ma'am.

Handicar at your service.
Climb on in.

So, let me ask you a question.
Would you like to see my dick?

Sure. Would you like to see
mine?

Uh-oh.

Mimsy!

Aah! Aah! Mimsy!

- And I thought a shark was bad.
- Come on, honey.

Come on, honey. It says our
handicar is just pulling up.

Timmy. Oh, hi, Gerald, Sheila.

Steven? What are you doing?

You didn't know?
Anyone can be a handicar driver

now. All you have to do is get your

own wheelchair and you can earn
a handicap.

I've had my handicap for about
three days now.

Get on in.

I'm telling you, Gerald, having

a handicap is a great way to
make some money on the side.

- Timmy!
- Timmy!

- Timmy!
- The world of transportation

is really changing, Gerald.

Oh, gee, your idea to have handicar
expand really worked, boss.

Excuse me.
Out of my way, please.

I have a handicap.

I had a handicap way before
you got paid to have one!

Ha! You sound like that Matthew
McConaughey guy.

"I drove a Lincoln way before I

got paid to drive one." Derr!

Shut up, Mimsy!

For the past eight years,
Tesla has been the leading

innovator in the world of
automotive transport.

And now the president and CEO
of Tesla motorcars, Elon Musk.

Today I am proud to announce
the Tesla D, the most innovative

the most innovative and efficient
world-friendly

mode of transportation
ever created. Any questions?

- Yes, uh, what about handicar?
- What about it?

Well, all over the country,
people are realizing that using

an app to ride share is even
more convenient

and eco-friendly than electric cars.

How do you intend to compete
with this boy genius in Colorado?

I am so sick of hearing about
app-based ride sharing!

The future of transportation is
the electric car, not wheelchairs!

Don't worry, Elon.

Handicar is just a small company.

Oh, sure. Operating in a few
small towns.

But when they start absorbing
the taxi markets, bringing taxi

service to any part of the
world, driving your kids to and

from school, delivering both
people and things?

We can't compete with handicar.

It's just so damn handy!

If there is a way to reduce

handicar's positive publicity,
then we need to do it now.

And you... you say it's
theoretically possible?

Of course.
It's very simple.

If you're a sheep herder and a
snake is killing all your sheep,

- how do you get rid of the snake?
- Who's a snake herder?

- You are.
- Who's the snake?

Handicar.

It's an analogy!

Shut up, Mimsy!

If you're a sheep herder and
a snake is killing your sheep,

all you have to do is prove to the

sheep that the snake is a
completely inferior entity.

- Timmy!
- Timmy!

Hey, Timmy. How is the
fundraising for camp going?

Timmy!

That's great.
I can't wait for camp this year.

We are doing some fundraising, too.

Have you heard of my friend,
Elon Musk, from Tesla?

- Good day to you.
- Timmy!

Hey, how would you like to
have a friendly, little race?

It would be great publicity for
your foundation and for ours.

Darr, we're gonna get Timmy
killed in the race, huh, boss?

- Shut up, Mimsy!
- What do you say, Timmy?

A friendly race this Saturday?
We'll see you at 9:00 A.M. sharp.

Hey, everyone!
You need to see this!

What started as a simple
contest is quickly escalating

into an international crisis.
As electronic cars challenge the

oil industry and transportation
alternatives fight for

dominance, the unavoidable
outcome may be a conflict the

likes the world has not seen
since the '70s.

It appears that the world is
once again on the brink...

Of Wacky Races.

Wacky Races? Holy shit!

The prime minister of Japan

has insisted that any race would
break the treaty of salzburg,

which called for a cease-fire to
the Wacky Races for their

senseless brutality.
They also claim that if a race

does take place, they would have
no choice but to enter their

completely self-driven prototype
lexus into the conflict.

The Canadians and Chinese are
also saying they would be forced

to race, and no one yet has
heard from dick dastardly or

muttley. Unless a miracle happens, this

Saturday morning, the world will
witness the first Wacky Races in

nearly 50 years.

Randy, they're bringing back wacky
races Saturday morning!

- I know! Are we watching at your house?
- That's it, everyone!

- We're out of cereal!
- No!

- I didn't get any!
- That guy has two!

- There's none left!
- Don't you understand?!

Don't you see what they're doing?

This is just another example of
corporations trying to keep down

- people with handicaps.
- Don't do the race.

You don't have to prove
anything.

He has to do it. Don't you see?

He has people that are depending
on him to raise as much money as

possible. There are hundreds of people

- with handicaps now.
- Timmy.

But isn't that the problem?
I mean, let's face it.

It's not like he's able to keep
the driver quality up.

Anyone can have a handicap now.
I mean, even Matthew McConaughey's

a handicar driver, for Christ's sake.

- Hey.
- I was driving a handicar...

Way before I got paid to drive one.

I just like how it feels.

Look, the point is that this

is your opportunity to make handicar...

Oop, sorry.
Hold on. Sorry.

I went too far.
This is your opportunity to make

handicar the transportation of
the future.

Think what you could do with all that money.

And here they are, the most
daredevil group of shared-ride

drivers to ever whirl their
wheels in the Wacky Races.

Competing for the title of the
future of transportation.

Cars are approaching the starting line.

First off is the lift car, a ride-sharing
company out of San Francisco.

Next up is the zip car, a pay-by-the-hour
concept based on Chinese bicycles.

Maneuvering for position is a
standard taxicab driven by an

angry Russian. Right behind is a Hummer

Salesman in his 2014 hummer no class.

And there's ingenious inventor
elon musk in his new Tesla D.

Oh, and here's the lovely
Canadian actress neve Campbell

in the Canadian concept vehicle,
the queef, powered completely on

female natural gas.
Next we have the handicar with

Timmy Burch, and there's the
completely automated

self-driving car from Japan.
Limping along last are those

double-dealing do-badders dick
dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And away they go.

On the way out Wacky Races.
And this live coverage of the

event will be broadcast all
morning, of course, on CNN.

- Jesus. It's begun.
- God help them all.

All I know is, if dastardly and
muttley are up to their old

tricks, there's gonna be a lot
of violence today.

You're watching BBC World.

The violent conflict over
transport is underway, and it is

even more senseless and vile
than many remember.

We return you now to our live
coverage of the Wacky Races.

As the Wacky Racers roll down
the roadway, we see that the

taxicab is in the lead with
handicar pulling up the rear.

Timmy!

All the cars must follow the same route.

First they'll leave the town of

South Park then navigate through
giggling gulch on the final

stretch to pick up the
passenger, a miss dotty

applegate. Once the passenger is picked up,

the vehicle must successfully
deliver her to the destination

point at her daughter's house in Morrison.

It looks like the zip car is
trying to vie for position past

the hummer vehicle. It's neck
and neck as the Wacky Racers

all push to be first to
pick up the passenger.

Miss applegate is waiting patiently.

And Elon Musk's Tesla appears to
take the lead.

Slow down!
I need Timmy to pick up the

passenger before we do.

But I thought we wanted
handicar to lose the race!

He can't just lose the race.

He has to get sued and lose the
whole business.

That's why when he gets the
passenger, I've got a little

- surprise waiting for him.
- Hey, boss, it seems like

every time you come up with a
plan, it kind of backfires on

you. If you really don't want to go

to summer camp so bad, why don't
you just tell your parents how you feel?

You know, tell them you don't want
to go and just see how they react.

Wait, wait. I got it.
Shut up, Mimsy!

- Hey, Mimsy.
- Yeah?

Shut up!

The Canadian car overtakes

the self-driving car.
And now here comes the zip car,

which is being driven
by Matthew McConaughey.

I was driving a zip car... Way before
I got paid to drive one.

And look at this.

The lift car is the first to
arrive and pick up the

passenger. Now the lift car must take the

passenger to her destination,
but look at this.

The hummer salesman is running
the lift car off the road.

And the hummer salesman is
taking the passenger to the car,

and he is going to let her drive herself.

You've got a fully-automated
sound system, and your sunroof

is operated right here.
What do you think, huh?

Can you see yourself in one of
these puppies?

Elon musk is using one of his
kooky inventions to put the

hummer out of commission for good.

- Oh! God!
- Jesus!

- Did you see that?
- Oh!

The passenger is being
taken to the Tesla D now.

No, wait.

She just got snatched by the
pissed off Russian in his taxi.

Miss applegate is now in the
back of the taxi, and she's

being forced to watch Jimmy Fallon.

Uh-oh. The Canadian car's completely

run out of queefs.

With the race nearly over, it's

the taxi out in front, followed
by self-driving car, and then

- pulling up in third is handicar.
- Timmy!

- It's gonna be a close one.
- Not too close, boopsie.

Oh, no. Dick Dastardly is up
to no-do-goodery again.

Oh! Oh! Dude! Oh!

And there's handicar to pick Mrs. Applegate up!

That's it. Handicar has the passenger.

We're almost in range.
Another 100 feet.

Wait a minute. What the hell are
all of those cars? Holy shit!

- Timmy!
- Timmy!

- Timmy!
- Timmy!

We're near the finish line.
The race is almost over.

Handicar is in the lead still
way out in front of the zip

car, driven by Matthew McConaughey.

Sometimes you got to go
forward by going backward.

Are we driving cars or are cars driving us?

The dastardly car is racing
past both.

This could be an upset, folks.

>> Timmy!

Good night, you son of a bitch.

Mimsy, I told you to put the
explosives under Timmy's seat!

You told me to put the
explosives under the seat of

that fake, soft-spoken douchebag
that everyone loves!

Not that fake, soft-spoken
douchebag that everyone loves!

Oh, my. It appears that an explosion has

opened up a wormhole with
Matthew McConaughey inside.

Mimsy...

And there's the finish.

It looks like handicar has done it.

Timmy!

A big congratulations to our

fundraising champion.
After selling the handicar

rights to Elon Musk, Timmy has raised
$2.3 billion for summer camp.

Great job to all of you.

This is sure to be the best
summer camp ever!

All set for bed, honey?

- Yeah, I like to sleep at nighttime!
- All right. Good night.

Wait. Wait. Mom?

- Can we talk?
- Um, yes.

- O-of course.
- This is very difficult, mom.

But, um...

You know how every year
I go to summer camp?

Well... I hate it.

I hate it, and I don't want to
go anymore.

I'm sorry I can't understand you, honey.
You're handicaped.

What's to understand?

I'm telling you I don't want to got
to that stupid camp anymore!

You want water? Is that what you want?

No, I don't want to go at camp!

Oh, yes, ok, honey, I'll turn off the lamp.

Oh, no, that's no what I said!

Oh, damn it, now I can't even see.

What is he sain'?

That he doesn't want to go
to summer camp this year.

But I'll be damned if he's
gonna ruined our trip.

Right.

Mimmsy!

sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com