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Original subtitles

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Boner Balls.

Boner Forest.

Dense Boner Forest.

Pungent Crotch Sweat.

Milky Crotch Ooze.

Barking Vaginal Belch.

Protruding Vaginal Boner.

Dilapidated Titties, Inc.

I like that.

Rotten Booby Turds.

Bloody Butt Cough.

Angry Clit Spasm.

Sorry.

Whooping Fart Balls.

Lubricated Titty Burgers.

That’s taken too.

Indifferent Rectal Semen Splooge.

Sorry.

That’s taken? Come on!

How are we supposed to name our startup company

if every name is already taken?

I told you you just have to be really original with your company name.

There are a lot of startup companies these days.

Furry Balls Plopped Menacingly on the Table, Inc.

That’s available. Congratulations!

It doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

We won’t get any attention with that name.

This sucks!

Aren’t you supposed to be in school?

We don’t need school anymore. We’re forming a startup company.

A startup company? A company that does what?

– We don’t wanna do anything. – That’s why we have a startup company.

We’re sick of school.

But all the good startup company names are taken.

There’s more to starting a company than having a catchy name.

No, there isn’t.

You guys! It’s awesome!

Holy shit, you guys!

You guys, I’ve got it.

It’s the greatest company name ever!

Tell us!

Washington Redskins.

Washington Redskins?

It’s so sweet!

I’m pretty sure that’s taken.

Some dumb court thingy happened, and the trademark got pulled.

We can use it! And the logo!

Washington Redskins?

– I like it. – Me too.

There’s already brand name awareness, and it’s instantly recognizable.

This doesn’t seem legal.

You’re not hearing me. The trademark has been pulled.

We can do whatever we want!

– You’re all right? – Yeah, I just…

I just thought our company name would be more like original.

It’s a strong name.

It’s like aggressive and masculine, like Boner Forest, but it was taken.

But maybe we need a name that’s more affirming.

Like shows what we stand for.

We don’t stand for anything. Remember our company plan, guys.

Start up, cash in, sell out, bro down.

I’m not sure this is the name people will give money to.

We already got a dollar!

$1 pledged!

I told you guys!

Washing Redskins totally gets people’s attention.

– Another $2! – No way!

Sitting on our asses, here we come!

Another new startup company

is gaining a lot of attention on the Internet.

They’re a company that does absolutely nothing.

And they’re called the Washington Redskins.

The Redskins started as what appeared to be some kind of adolescent prank.

But almost overnight,

it has become one of the most heavily funded projects on Kickstarter.

Why did you give $5 to the Washington Redskins Kickstarter?

I don’t know…

They don’t do anything. That’s pretty sweet.

I thought it was funny.

By pledging just one or two dollars,

you are helping us in our quest to not have to do stuff.

If you pledge $10 or more,

you will receive this luxurious company micro badge.

It’s called crowdfunding,

using the Internet to raise money

without having to pay back your investors.

A tactic that some believe is unfair and impersonal.

Washington Redskins. Go fuck yourself.

Sure, we’d be happy to take your money. Just go to our Kickstarter page.

OK. Nice, idiot. Fuck you. Bye-bye.

– You are Eric Cartman? – Yes, I know.

My name is Dan Snyder.

I’m the president and owner of the Washington Redskins.

Please take a seat.

– Thank you, but I will stand. – Nice, I like that.

Young man, we ask that you please

stop using the name Washington Redskins for your organization.

Stop? But why?

Because we are the Washington Redskins, and we are a football team.

You have no right to use our name to get attention.

The trademark got pulled. I’m totally free to use the name.

Butters, could you get that?

Washington Redskins. Go fuck yourself.

Don’t you see when you call yourselves the Washington Redskins,

it’s offensive to us?

How is it offensive?

How is it offensive? Jesus!

We are a proud team, Mr. Cartman.

We have no wish to be associated with people who actively do nothing.

Make us feel like a joke!

Guys! We have total respect for you.

When we named our company Washington Redskins,

it was out of deep appreciation for your team and your people.

I know I can’t legally make you stop using our name,

but won’t you just do it out of decency?

Because I don’t want to.

And we can’t just change our name, ’cause it’s like super hard.

But, hey, from one redskin to another,

go fuck yourself.

All around the world,

people are saying they are inspired by the Washington Redskins.

The Internet startup company has raised so much money on Kickstarter,

that now more groups are doing the same.

More news on the Washington Redskins tonight.

Their defiant f-you attitude has caught the attention of terrorist group ISIS.

The terrorists say they admire the Washington Redskins

and want to follow their business model.

Let’s not forget,

there’s a people here

who are not happy about the use of the name.

The football Washington Redskins.

But does anyone really care about them?

Dude, this is so cool!

We only have six days to go before our pledged money becomes liquid.

Guys, we need to talk.

I don’t think we wanna be a company that ISIS looks up to.

We should issue a statement saying we don’t sanction it.

No, you guys! We started this company to do nothing.

If we start doing stuff, it’ll put it all at risk.

People won’t support us

if we dig in our heels and don’t care about anything.

Digging in our heels is what the Washington Redskins are all about!

Now, come on, guys!

To be a successful business, you have to be honest about yourself.

Once you take a stand, you’re pretending to be about more than money.

Then all the sudden, your NFL players get caught molesting little boys.

That’s the Catholic Church.

NFL, Catholic Church, same thing!

OK, let’s use the Church.

You take a moral stand on issues, you say you’re about integrity,

then your clergymen are getting caught beating up their wives in an elevator.

– That’s the NFL. – It’s the same thing!

The point is if we as an organization claim to be about high morality,

somebody will eventually get raped or beaten in an elevator,

and it’ll most likely be Butters.

I really didn’t want to have to do this, but…

I’m not happy with the direction this company is taking.

What are you gonna do? Go back to school?

I’m not going back there, man!

Maybe I’ll start my own company.

You can’t call yourself Washington Redskins!

I don’t want to. It’s a stupid name!

I guess everything’s out on the table now.

I guess everything is.

Do you think our name is stupid too?

I don’t know.

But I don’t know if my future is with this company either.

Well, then,

I wish you both well in your new venture. Goodbye.

Hang on. Is this the company where I don’t get raped?

Here, right?

I’m gonna stay in here.

Is the League gonna sit by

while my team and my players are compared to ISIS?

You have to do something, commissioner Goodell.

What are you going to do about this?

I will get it right,

and do whatever is necessary to accomplish that.

We will continue to identify and add expertise to our team.

That’s the most ridiculous nothing answer I’ve ever heard.

What are you gonna do now?

Everyone will participate in education sessions

starting in the next month.

This thing is broken!

We can add…

and we will do more…

do more…

Call the NFL owners on Skype. This thing is broken again!

And so I call upon the help of all owners.

You cannot let my people be belittled like this.

You don’t want to be dealing with this stuff.

Let the Goodell-Bot do it.

This stupid thing isn’t working!

I will get it right…

That thing hasn’t worked right since we bought it.

My team is starting to lose hope.

You have to use your influence to make these people change their name.

Did you tell them we’re about honor and integrity?

If the Goodell-Bot is broken,

we must stay out of it more than even usual.

So I’m alone?

What if they ridicule the 49ers team next?

Or make fun of Jerry Jones, because his eyes are too far apart?

My eyes aren’t too far apart!

If we get them to change their logo, will that make you happy?

I guess we can live with that.

Then it is decided.

We will make them change their logo.

Begin mass behind the scenes under the table enforcement of our wishes now!

Go!

Thank God!

Fuck you!

Fuck you, out there! Fuck you!

Fuck you.

Those words mean a great deal to us.

They help us express just how we as a company

see things differently.

There are many Kickstarter companies,

but you’ll agree Washington Redskins is the most exciting.

As you know, the Redskins have been on the forefront of Kickstarter

as a company that is always finding new and exciting ways

to tell people to go fuck themselves.

Our company is thrilled to show you all our latest innovations.

To begin with, we have moved the couch

from the left side of the office to the right side.

But we didn’t stop there.

We also added a new rug that goes better with our office drapes.

And probably the most exciting of all:

we’ve actually updated the company from the inside out.

We received a lot of pressure to change our Redskins logo.

As a company, we want to be firm. But we also want to be flexible.

If we have to change our logo, it should be in step with today’s times,

but still define us as the leading Kickstarter company.

What we came up with is the new company logo

that I think you’ll all agree is very exciting.

When people hear the name Redskins, they’ll think “titties and balls.”

It’s a bold new way that we can say, “we don’t fucking care.”

Go, Redskins!

It’s so awesome, dude.

Our company already has 100 backers, and we still have 14 days to go!

You OK, bro?

I just never saw myself owning a company

called Furry Balls Plopped Menacingly on the Table.

Give it time. It’ll grow on you.

Why don’t we just call it Untitled Startup Company?

That sounds like we don’t have anything. We’ve been through this already.

I know that.

But a good company should never have seven words in its title.

What do you mean?

I just feel that somewhere out there, there’s a perfect startup company name.

And I need to be free to go find it.

I don’t want Furry Balls Plopped Menacingly on the Table

to hold you back.

Good luck with your company, dude.

Good luck with yours.

It’s just incredible, Harry.

Everyone is using Kickstarter for everything!

And for every project funded, we get 5%.

We don’t even have to do anything, and we just make money!

Sitting on our asses, here we come.

Good morning, guys!

Happy deadline day!

We made it.

We can stop doing stuff and see how much our company made in…

4, 3, 2, 1…

that’s the deadline!

Oh, boy! This is like Christmas morning!

What the hell? Can’t find the server?

“Kickstarter.com”

Where is Kickstarter? Get it up on your phone, Butters.

I wanna know how much we’re worth!

It’s not coming on my phone either.

Holy Mother Mary!

Somebody raided Kickstarter and burned the building to the ground!

Somebody killed Kickstarter!

Who the hell would burn Kickstarter to the ground?

Oh, my God!

That weird little Jewy guy.

Kyle!

What the hell is wrong? Can’t find the server?

Kickstarter…

You son of a bitch!

– You broke Kickstarter! – No, I just can’t get it to load.

Nobody can. It’s gone!

You couldn’t take it that our company was more successful than yours!

My company was on Kickstarter too.

– Why would I get rid of it? – Somebody did!

It doesn’t matter.

There’s something a lot more important here.

You guys remember when we first decided to start a company together?

We all had a common goal.

And we weren’t gonna let anything stop us from getting to the bro down.

But somewhere between starting up and selling out…

we lost our way.

We can’t do this on our own. We need each other.

He’s right.

– We should do a merger. – A merger?

It’s too late for that. Kickstarter is gone!

We don’t have a company. We don’t have anything.

Yes, we do.

We have a sweet name.

I was wrong.

Washington Redskins is the perfect name.

I think maybe I was just jealous that I didn’t come up with it.

It is really sweet.

We always said that all we needed was a sweet name,

and the rest would figure itself out.

We can do it, fellas. It will be like old times.

What do you say, Cartman?

Fuck you!

Fuck you, everyone!

Fuck you all, thanks.

How do you stay relevant in a volatile marketplace?

As you know, our goal at Washington Redskins

is to not do anything and make money not doing it.

When Kickstarter went down, many saw their startup projects die.

But here at Washington Redskins, we saw opportunity.

People still need a way to raise money for their stupid startup projects,

and with the Redskins, you can now go fund yourself.

And the idea is simple: you, the people, go out and raise all your own money,

and give the Washington Redskins 5%.

You will literally be giving us money for doing absolutely nothing.

It is the biggest fuck you we have ever come up with.

A new company direction also means, of course,

a new and improved logo.

Go, Redskins!

A beautify night in Arlington, Texas,

as the Dallas Cowboys get set to take on the Washington Redskins.

That is, of course, Washington Redskins the football team,

not Washington Redskins the audacious crowdfunding company.

And if you ask me, the Redskins are a scam.

– The crowdfunding company Redskins. – That’s right.

Now, you’ve got terrorist groups using the Redskins to raise their money.

I don’t like what the Redskins are doing.

– Those Redskins. – Whatever.

It’s over.

Our name has been reduced to a stereotype and a joke.

Let’s just go home.

We cannot give up.

We have been through too much together.

We have fought eagle and bear.

The Eagles only beat us by 3 points!

But I just feel stupid wearing this know.

Come on, guys.

Where will we go? What will we do?

Don’t let them break you! Don’t let them win!

And the Cowboys are still set to kick off,

but there isn’t anyone to kick off too.

And Jerry Jones must be happy.

This means a forfeit, another win for the Cowboys.

It appears a lone Redskin is making his way out of the locker room.

The Cowboys kick it off.

Just stay down! For the love of God!

Stop! Make it stop!

– Just stay down! – Please, just make him stay down!

Go, Redskins!

Boy, this is the life, huh, guys?

We finally did it.

I might just sit here until my ass fuses into the couch.

What the hell is that?

Change your name!

It doesn’t belong in today’s society!

– Change our name? – You all thought our name was sweet!

There’s nothing sweet about a people who are decimated.

A once proud nation that finally lost hope,

and left their leader to be massacred by cowboys in a defiant last stand.

When was this?

Last night.

Until you change your name, we are asking

all your subscribers to boycott you!

That’s right.

ISIS will no longer use your company for its fundraising.

Good for you, ISIS!

What the hell do we do?

I guess we gotta go back to school.

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