All language subtitles for In.Treatment.S02E30.1080p.Web-Rip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

Yes, my name is
Paul weston.

I've been on hold.

Woman:
How can I help you, sir?

I'm the executor
Of my father's estate

And I wanted to--

Can you hold on, sir,
While I pull up the account?

- sure, okay, I'll hold.
- female voice: thank you
For holding.

You call is very
Important to us and your
Estimated wait time--

( sighs, dialing )

- man: claim services.
- hello.

- yes, can I help you?
- this is paul weston.

And my father had
A life insurance policy
With you and--

Can you hold on
While I get an agent?

Okay, I'll hold.

( hangs up, dials )

Man:
Hello.
Bank of new trust.

- yes, hello.
- how can I help you?

- my name is paul weston.
- yes, mr. Weston, how can
I help you?

My father just passed away.
He had two accounts with you.

Can I have your father's
Security code, please?

No, I don't know
His security codes.

I think I'm gonna have
To transfer you.

No, but just don't
Put me on hold.

- hold one second.
- don't put me on hold, pleas.

- just a quick second.
- please don't--

God damn it!

( phone ringing )

( footsteps )

Paul.

Do you want
To get that?

( theme music playing )

I'm sorry about
The phone business.

I'm trying to get my
Father's estate settled,

And I can't even get
Anybody to talk to me.

All I get is,
"Can you hold? Please hold.
Let me put you on hold."

That's so irritating.

If I believed the operators
Were actually helping somebody,
I would wait.

Sometimes I think
The whole country is on hold.

Nobody is
Being helped.

They don't even
Call it "Help" any more.

They call it
"Customer support."

That's 'cause all they
Really do is say,

"I'm sorry you have a problem.
That's too bad."

Well, you know what?
I don't want support.

I want your help.
So I hang up.

Is there something
I can help you with?

No.

Unless you want to proofread
A letter I wrote.

Sure.
What kind of letter?

Remember last week
I left here

And I went to meet
With alex's father?

Yeah, how did that go?

Disorienting.

He offered to accept

Settlement money
From the insurance company

And drop his lawsuit
Against me--

Well, that's great.

--in exchange
For a letter from me

Admitting my guilt
In alex's death.

You wrote the letter?

What would he do
With this letter?

He gave me his word
He wouldn't do anything with it.

Paul.

I know. You're right.
Once he has it,

Technically he can do
Anything he wants with it--

Send it to the ethics board
Or post it online.

That would be the end
Of your career.

What did
Your lawyer say?

He says the letter will
Put an end to the lawsuit

And that my insurance will
Cover the whole settlement.

I won't end up
Owing a thing.

What happens
If you don't send it?

They have a preliminary
Hearing next week.

The judge,
I mean, he could just
Throw the whole case out.

But if he doesn't, it might
Go to trial with a jury,

In which case
I will lose big time.

How do you know that?

The lawyer says
That's what juries do.

He says everybody
Hates therapists.

They do?

According to this guy,
Therapy is bullshit.

He says people
Go into treatment

Hoping that the therapist
Is gonna fix them,

But that therapists either
Don't solve people's problems

Or they make them worse.

And this man is
Representing you?

He fights cases like this
Every week.

He knows how they go.

And he's worried that
The jury is gonna see me

As a stand-in for all the bad
Therapists in the world,

And award alex's father
The entire $20 million.

If this lawyer knew
What he was doing,

He'd get the jury to see
What a good therapist you are.

Excuse me for a second, gina.
I'm just curious--

What would you say
If you were on trial

And the lawyer asked you,
"What percentage
Of your patients

Do you think
You've really helped?"

What are you asking?

Would you say, on average,
That the people you've treated

Have gotten a little better,
A lot better,

Or they've stayed
About the same?

You're someone I treat.

Are you asking me if I'll
Help you get better?

Okay, fine, don't answer
The question.

This isn't about you anyway.
This is about me.

The way I feel about it is
I'm not helping anybody.

You know? I'm going
To mail this letter

And I'm going to quit
Being a therapist

And find something better
To do, something useful.

Paul, you know
You help people.

You know what I do?
Most days I sit there

And I listen
For 45 minutes.

Then my patients
Go out the door

And do whatever they were
Going to do anyway.

Paul, you don't
Just listen.

You make observations.
You ask questions.

You make interpretations.

You encourage people
To look at the patterns
Of their behavior.

That may be what I do,
But it's not what people want.

And what do they want?

They want to be loved,
Even by me.

They want a child,
Or they want to be my child.

They want a parent
Who loves them.

They want attention.
They want affection.

They want hope.
They want pills.

And they want sex.

It's a good list.

But I don't give them
Those things.

My patient, mia,
The lawyer--

Do you know
What she wants?

She wants me to hold her,
To comfort her.

But what she really needs
Is a good husband
And a family.

And I know that I cannot
Give her those things.

All I can do
Is show her

That she pushes away
The very people
Who could help her

And that she pulls
On the people who won't.

But that only leaves her

Feeling more lonely
And unloved.

You know, by the time
She left on monday,

By the time
She left my office,
She felt doomed,

Rejected by her family
And the world.

And I had absolutely
Nothing to say to her.

So you're worried
She won't come back?

Why should she
Come back, really?

I am of no use
To her whatsoever.

All this big wisdom that
I'm supposed to be giving her--

This isn't going
To make her happy.

Is that what you want to do--
Make people happy?

Absolutely, I want
To make people happy.

What do you want to do,
Fuck them up even more?

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna mail this letter

And I'm gonna let them
Take my license,

And I'm gonna become
A life coach.

A life coach?
What do they do?

You know what
A life coach is.

They give advice.
It's not--

Look, people don't
Have families anymore
That they can talk to,

And friends are quickly
Going the way of families.

So if you were mia's
Life coach,

What would you
Tell her to do?

I would tell her
To quit her job.

I would tell her
To grow her hair,

I would tell her to move
Somewhere where she's
Outside in the sunshine,

Like napa valley.
I would tell her

To take up biking,
Not wear heels for a year.

And I'd tell her,
"Get a dog."

Do you think that she
Would take your advice?

She just wants me
To give her love and support.

But if she were capable
Of receiving love and support,

She wouldn't be coming
To you for them.

That's her real problem.
And until it's treated,

She won't be able to take
Anyone's advice.

And that's why
She needs therapy.

Actually, I think
If my first advice worked,

She might try
Some other new idea.

If my advice didn't work out,
She'd go in another direction.

I don't see
What the harm is.

Would you want
The responsibility for making
Her decisions for her?

I think I'd be fine
With that.

You see, that's your problem
Right there, gina.

You're scared of taking
Responsibility for your
Patients' lives.

You don't actually want
To get involved with them.

I do. So you still
Cling to this dogma

Of letting them make
Their own decisions.

But that, in my opinion--
That's not professionalism.
That's cowardice.

It's not dogma, paul.

It's a basic tenet
Of our profession.

If you take action
In your patients' lives,

You cause them to become
Dependent on you.

You cripple them.

Oh, back on the high
Moral ground again, as usual.

But you've
Got it wrong, gina.

My problem isn't that
I can't obey the rules.

My problem is that,
Unlike you,

I actually give a shit
About my patients.

You think I don't care
About you?

You don't let yourself
Care about anybody.

You're too afraid to.
You sit in that goddamn chair,

And your patients are
Falling apart in front of you,

But instead of
Reaching out to help,

You study them as if
They were pieces of a puzzle.

Well, I let you down.

And you're enraged at me.

I was your teacher.
I was your mentor.

I was supposed
To give you the wisdom

That would protect you
From this sort of pain--

The pain you're
Going through now.

And I didn't.

And so you're reacting
By telling me

That I'm not feeling
Your pain,

And that my profession
Is useless.

Oh, we both know

That you don't believe
A word of that bullshit.

If anything, you think
That I've disappointed you.

You keep telling me
I'm a good person--

"Oh, you're a great
Therapist, paul."

But we both know how little
Respect you really have for me.

You pretend to be neutral,
But you have done nothing

But judge me since the minute
I came back into therapy.

So you think I've been
Judging you all this time?

Oh, for fuck's sake,
Stop mirroring what I say.

Would you stop hiding
Behind the cloak,

Drop the fucking
Catlike smile,

The bullshit
Buddha pose of yours,

And just tell me for once
What you really think?

What do I really think?

I really think

That you're acting
Like an asshole.

I really think
That you're a therapist

Who has remarkably
Little insight

Into your own behavior.

You are so self-absorbed.
You are so entitled.

You come in here
And you spout

The same old bullshit!

"I want to cross
The boundaries

Because I care so much!"

And I have to sit here
And listen.

And then you have the gall
To get mad at me

For not losing
My temper!

Well, at least
I finally know.

You know nothing.

That's right.
I'm a self-absorbed asshole

And you're
Furious at me.

I am furious at you.

Let me ask you--
How did saying that
Make you feel?

It felt good.

But maybe that's
Exactly what you wanted.

And what did I want, gina?
You tell me.

You got me to play
The role you relish.

You got me
To be the punishing,
Rejecting parent,

The failed authority figure
That you can rail against.

- why would I want that?
- because it's familiar.

It confirms
Your worldview.

You get to be the innocent
Victim doing your best.

And I'm
Just like everyone else.
I'm out to fuck you over.

So you call me
An asshole,

And not only is it my fault,
It's actually what I wanted.

( exhales )

You tell me--
How do you feel?

Give me a fucking break.

I bet you feel good.

Let's face it, paul--

You'd always rather
Yell than think.

What don't I want
To think about?

Well, you're
On a tear here.

You're tortured by what
You see as your failures

With your parents,
With your patients,
With your father.

So you're destroying
All your careful work,

- and mine.
- careful work?

You think I'm unprofessional.
You think I've got
No boundaries.

You've always
Thought that.

Have I?
Huh.

Have I always
Thought that?

Then why do you think

I've stuck by you
All these years,

Even when you've been
A complete pain
In the ass?

The truth is,
Despite everything,

I really do think
You're a good therapist.

You tell me you're
No help to your patients,

But when you describe them,
It's clear to me

How carefully you listen.

You have a great ear.

You have a great
Sense of empathy.

Then why am I
Failing them?

It's not about you, paul.

You know,
They're human beings.

They're struggling
With profound problems.

If only you could
Find courage

To sit with the fact
That what we do is hard

And sometimes it makes you
Feel like an idiot.

It's a humbling
Profession.

And if you lack anything
As a therapist,

It's humility.

Somehow you have to learn
To tolerate the fact

That we don't save people.
We can't.

( sighs )

Walter tried
To kill himself.

Oh my god.

Paul, why didn't you
Tell me this?

When did this happen?

About 10 days ago.

You didn't even
Mention it last week.

I felt there was enough
To talk about,

With my father.

I mean, what would I have done
If he had succeeded?

You would have
Blamed yourself,

Just like you did
With alex.

But I am responsible
For what happened.

Paul, in two weeks
You've lost your father--

You're wracked with guilt
Because you feel you
Neglected him--

And now this.

The sessions
With him are--

The first one
Was in the hospital.

You can imagine
That that's--

That's the last place
I want to be right now.

I was sitting with him,
Worrying

That if I just said
The wrong thing--

Just one wrong thing--

And his daughter is outside
In the corridor, waiting.

And she's just--

She's just a little bit
Older than rosie.

And she's been holding
That family together--

The mother and the father--
In a way that--

Just in the way that...

...You tried to save
Your mother?

Yeah.

And she's staring at me
With those eyes

That would
Break your heart.

She's just starting
To live her life.

And all I want to say to her
Is, "Get out, run away."

But I can't do that,

Because if she goes,
So does walter.

I've sat with him for hours,
Trying to tell him

That his life
Can still have meaning;

That even though
He's overwhelmed

With guilt and loss
And shame,

He has to push on;

That he doesn't know
What life might have
In store for him,

What his third act
Could be.

Except he knows--
He knows damn well

What his third act
Is going to be--

A long, steady decline,

Just like my father's.

So maybe he's right

To try for
A millionaire's death,
As he calls it,

To take control for himself,
On his terms,

Instead of letting
The universe

Continue to torture him.

Do you really
Believe that?

I can see
How he got there,

How somebody would just
Want to close their eyes

And not wake up.

Have you been thinking
You might like to just
Go to sleep yourself?

No no.

But I haven't lost
Everything I ever wanted.

- if I did--
- if you did?

I'm not going
To kill myself, gina.

Tell me why not.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Paul, you know
What I'm asking you.

You're vulnerable here.

You don't have
To worry, gina.

I have children.

I remember, you know,
After my mother died,

I was standing above her grave
And I promised myself

That I would never ever
Do that

To one of my kids.

And then ian was born,
And then rosie and max.

I made the same promise
To myself

Over and over
And over again.

And I felt this rush

Of warmth
Through my body--

"I am good.

I am strong."

Sometimes I feel like
I'm this great tree,

Giant, powerful,

And they're gonna live
Their whole lives

Beneath my shade.

And then
Sometimes I feel--

I feel like all my leaves
Have just fallen away...

And I can't do
Anything for them

Except block the view.

They still need you.

I don't know about that.

They do.

You still need
Your mother,
Don't you?

Can you imagine?

She'd be 80 by now.

She'd have got to see
Her grandkids grow up.

Do you think that would have
Made her happier?

Yes.

Can I ask you
Something, gina?

Sure.

Have you ever thought
About suicide?

Yes.

When david was dying?

Oh, no no, not when
David was dying.

But afterwards,
When you were grieving?

He was a young man--

He was so young
When he got cancer

And his life was
Stolen from him.

And you watch
Someone die--

Someone who wants
To live and--

Yeah.

I'm sorry I didn't make it
To david's funeral.

Sorry I wasn't
There for you.

Thank you.

And what about
Your patient
With cancer?

How's she doing?

She gets the result
Of the blood test this week.

How is she doing
Emotionally?

She's kind
Of furious at me.

Why?

It's a long story.
She was in the hospital.

She was really really sick,
But she hadn't told her mother.

So I thought that her mother
Deserved to know.

Of course she did.
You were right.

Someday april
Will thank you.

Maybe.

( exhales )

Listen, gina,
I'm exhausted.

( laughs )

I don't want
To talk anymore.

I think I'll go get
A coffee or something

Before I pick up
The kids.

Are you all right?
I'll go with you.

No no no, it's okay.
I'm fine.

I'm just tired,
That's all.

Oh, I forgot
My letter.

Oh, I'll keep this--

I'll keep this,
You know, for you.

And then you take
This week,

You think about it.

And if you want it back,
If you want to send it,

I'll give it to you.

Take a week to do what?

To see your patients.

( sighs )
Gina, that's what
I've been saying--

I don't want
To see my patients.

See your patients, paul.

Act as if you believe
You're helping.

( theme music playing )