All language subtitles for In.Treatment.S02E25.1080p.Web-Rip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

( crossing bell ringing )

Hi.

This is rosie's--
Rosie's bag

And I got her
This small thing.

Oh, that's sweet.
Thanks, paul.

Well, I-- I have
To get back.

I don't feel comfortable
Leaving those kids alone--
They never stop fighting.

- oh, wonder where
They learned that from.
- ( chuckles )

- all right then.
- no, let me get it.

- where's the car?
- it's just over here.

Listen, paul, I--

I'm really so sorry
About your father.

I know I've already
Said that, but--

I really appreciate that
You came to the funeral.

I really do.

And that you let the kids
Come for that weekend.

It was-- it was great.

- they didn't drive you crazy?
- uh...

No, it felt good
To be with them.

You know?
Like things are
Supposed to be.

They wanted to be there.
They're good kids, you know?

And you were good
To me too, kate.

We felt like--
Like a family.

I felt it too.

It's just unfortunate
That it took such
A sad situation--

That's-- that's what
I wanted to say, kate.

I want us to try it
Again-- you know,

Being a family.
I miss you, kate.

I want to come home.

I love you, kate.

I think we should give
Ourselves another chance.

I know the kids
Want us to do it.

So do I.

Oh, paul.

I'm seeing somebody.

I might be
In love with him.
I don't know.

I can't do this again.
I just can't.

And I'm so sorry.

( car door slams )

( engine starts )

( car departs )

( theme music playing )

- paul.
- hi, gina.

How are you?

I'm, uh...

I'm okay, thanks.

Would you like some tea
Or some water?

Uh...
Water'll be fine.
Thanks.

Uh, thanks for
The orchid that you sent.
It was beautiful.

I'm glad you liked it.
I've been thinking
About you.

It's a pity
You weren't there.

Paul,
I didn't think it was
My place to be there.

Yeah, well, it was
A nice service...

Except for the priest's
Cell phone going off.

My kids spoke.
They each had a--

Memory to tell.

And some people
From the nursing home came.

They talked about
His card playing
And his singing.

Did you ever hear him sing
When you were a boy?

Not that I remember.

But one of the surgical
Nurses said that,

You know, he used to sing
In the operating room.

"A fine irish tenor,"
She said he was.

Of course there was a lot
Of women at the funeral.

Women really liked my dad,
As you know.

Yes, then too, women live
Longer than men

So when you get
To a certain age,

There are always going
To be more women
At funerals.

You know what I've decided?
Women are really good at loss.

Men don't really--
They haven't got
A fucking clue.

Did you get to speak
To your father
Before he died?

You know, for men

Loss is-- it's a defeat.

In a game or a fight,

Losing makes you mad.
You want to get even
With the guy.

Like this man who's suing me--
Alex's father.

This guy is so angry
That all he can think of

Is coming after me.

- like that's gonna help.
- paul, are you trying

To understand how to grieve
For your father?

Among other things.

What other things?

One of the things
I'm trying to understand

Is how I can help my patients
With death and dying

When I myself
Have been so stupid

And so wrong about it.

You know, paul, it hasn't
Even been two weeks.

- you won't always
Feel this raw.
- we'll see.

Can you tell me more
About the funeral?

I don't want to talk
About your patients now,

When you've just been
Through this.

Do you not think
It's important for me
To talk about my patients?

How am I going to help
My patients if my own
Life is in a mess?

I mean, would you use
A plumber if you found out

- that all the drains
In his house were blocked?
- it's not the same thing.

You're a trained
Psychotherapist.

But not a trained husband,
Father or son.

No, you're not.

As a man, you're like
An animal in the wild.

You're living day to day,
You're trying to protect
Your territory

And provide for your family.

As a therapist,
You're observing
Certain members of the herd

Through binoculars.

These are two very different
Ways of experiencing life.

But you can't observe yourself
Through your own binoculars.

But that's why I'm here.

Right.

Can you tell me more
About the funeral?

Oh, gina,
Not this week, please.

I feel like--

I feel
Pretty wiped out.

We don't have
To talk about it.

But I'm interested--
You know, you said
You were glad

That your children
Were there.

Yeah, I was glad that
The boys were there.

Maybe they won't be
As stupid as I was
About it all.

- stupid?
- I learned more
About my father

At his funeral
Than I ever did
When he was alive.

Doesn't that sound
Stupid to you?

What did you learn
About him?

Oh, for one thing,

I found out that he did a lot
Of free surgery in bolivia.

- you didn't
Know that about him?
- no, of course I didn't.

- and he made me
Executor of his estate.
- does that surprise you?

And he gave me his half
Of a little brewery
In minnesota.

He owned a brewery
In minnesota?

Yeah, with one of
His doctor friends.

I guess he loaned some guy
Some start-up money

40 years ago.

So if the lawsuit ends up
Costing me my license,

I guess I can always
Go make beer.

You see what
I'm talking about?

Like, who--

Who was this man?

All I knew was

This old story
That I've told you--

That he left us
For a patient,

My mother killed herself
And I grew up alone.

Yet all these things
Are still true,
Aren't they?

How the fuck
Would I know?

If my father
Was this great guy,

Why didn't I know it?

Are you beginning to think
He was a great guy?

Even if he wasn't great,
At least he was interesting.

But what was I?
Was I blind?

People often can
Be very successful
In the outside world

And remain
A complete mystery
To their families.

Mystery is
Putting it mildly, gina.

I don't think he was
A complete mystery
To you, paul.

I think as a boy,
Even though you didn't
Have all the facts,

You knew he was
An interesting man.

That's why you were mad
That he was never home.

Maybe you wanted to
Live with him instead
Of your mother.

- well, who wouldn't?
- it wasn't your choice.

Paul, he was the only one
With a choice in your family.

He chose his work,
His investments,

His women.

That hurt you.

I wasn't hurt. I just
Hated the son of a bitch.

Oh, I think
The hatred grew

So you could protect yourself
From his rejection.

I don't think you
Always hated him.

You think I loved him?

I'm saying it wasn't
Stupid of you

Not to know
About these things.

I mean, maybe he didn't
Want to call attention
To his charity work.

Or maybe he thought
His singing was silly

Or the brewery
Was frivolous.

Or maybe he wasn't
Home enough to have any
Conversation about anything.

Or maybe by the time
He got ready to talk,
I didn't give a shit.

All these things
Are possible.

Death leaves a lot
Of unanswered questions.

You know, not everybody
Has what it takes to be
A good parent.

And sometimes,
As in your father's case,

The choices can
Be very difficult.

Do you give yourself over
To your sick wife

And your angry children
And fight a losing battle?

Or do you give yourself
To your talent

And hope that someday
They'll understand?

So you're saying his home life
Was a losing battle for him?

I'm saying that he
Looked at his options

And he fought the battle
He thought he could win.

A less charitable view
Would be

That he won the battle
He chose to fight.

- that's true.
- so it wasn't stupid of me

To not know who my father was
When I was a boy.

It was stupid
That I got to be this old

And still didn't know
Who he was.

Even sitting
There at the bedside
In the nursing home--

He had maybe
Five minutes to live.

And for the first time
It was just me and him together.

Sickness until death,
And all that.

( clears throat )
The only person

I learned anything about
Was me.

I'm glad you saw him
Before he died.

It was the strangest thing,
You know?

Everybody left and...

I went downstairs
And said goodbye to them...

Got a coffee and I came back
And he was...

He was asleep.

He, uh...

Well, he had a pulse anyway.

And I sat down and I started
Talking to him.

And...

And he didn't have
A pulse anymore.

( sighs )

- you were talking
To him when he died?
- I was talking at him, gina.

I said...

I'm sorry and--

I said I was sorry that
I hadn't seen more of him.

I asked him if I could
Get him anything

And...

Then I just started
Complaining about my life...

Like I always do.

I looked up and he was...

He was gone.

Did it feel to you
Like he'd been waiting
For you to come back

To see him before he died?

No. That's what
The nurses say, but--

They say that that happens
A lot, but I don't believe it.

- I think it's crazy.
- no, not really.

On some unconscious level
He might have known
It was you.

Or sensed it.

No.
No, he didn't.

Didn't you ever become
Suddenly aware

Of your children
Without them having
Said anything?

With max, I remember
When he used to wake up
In the middle of the night

And he would come in to my room
And I would just wake up.

And there he would be
Standing at the end of the bed,

Just staring silently at me.
Yeah.

So even though max
Hadn't said a thing,

You woke up.

Yeah, great.

So my father becomes aware
Of me on some level

And he really doesn't want
To listen to me complain
So he just dies.

- hmph.
- or he becomes aware
Of you on some level,

And he's finally able
To let go.

I'd like to believe
Your version.

Do you believe it?

Or are you just saying it
To make me feel better?

Do I believe that there's
Some non-scientific connection

Between a parent and child?

Absolutely.

Does that mean that a parent
Knows what a child needs?

No, it just means
There's a connection.

No, we're more than
Connected.

There's obligations
Between parents and children.

There are things that
They owe us and there are
Things that we owe them.

Yes, but, you know,
I think obligation

Is maybe a subject
For another day, paul.

No, I want to talk
About obligation today.

My father
Owed me things...

And he didn't
Come through for me.
And I owed him things

And I didn't
Come through for him.

If I'm not going to do
Any better by my kids

And they're not going
To come and see me till
I'm about to die,

Then we are all
Hopelessly screwed.

Is that your father's watch?

- you don't want
To talk about this?
- no.

I don't want to talk
About anything in general.

I don't want to talk about
Obligations or family duty.

I want to talk about
You and your father.

Yeah.

This is his watch.

I'm gonna wear it
For a bit.

I don't usually
Wear watches.

But I'll wear this
For a while.

Because it's
A pathetic excuse

For grieving.

There it is.

What did you mean when
You said the only person

You learned anything
About that day was you?

I felt like I was
In a movie I was
Watching.

Self-centered guy goes
To the hospital to see
His dying father,

Sits down, can't think
Of anything to say
To his dad.

Then he starts whining
About his own little problems.

A divorce, the fear of losing
Touch with his children,

A move to a new city,

The threat to the man's work
From a lawsuit.

They don't sound so little
When you actually say them.

These are big problems
To somebody in the middle
Of their life.

But to someone
Confronting death,

Like the father,
It might seem

That the son could work
These problems out.

The dying father
Doesn't have the time

But the son does.

No marriage,
No children,

No practice, just time.

Without the time,
You don't have any
Of the other things.

- I guess.
- no, it's not a guess.
It's true.

Time's the precious thing.
You already know that.

That's why you're
Wearing his watch.

Maybe you were
Telling him your
Problems because

You were hoping
He would say something
Meaningful to you.

- or finally be a father to you.
- I don't know.

But after he was gone
I wished

The whining guy
In the movie

Could have been some kind
Of comfort to his father.

I wished I had

Done or said something
More than just take
The man's watch.

Is there anything you wished
You had asked him

Before he was gone?

I wanted to ask him if--

If he was proud of me.

- but you know he was.
- do I?

You're a good doctor
To your patients.

You're a good
Father to your children.

- and you love singing.
- ( chuckles )

I'm a terrible singer, gina.

I didn't say you
Were a good singer.

- ( laughs )
- I said you liked singing.

I should have gone earlier.

I know that.

Guess I was afraid.

Once I was there, I thought,
"What the hell was I afraid of?

My father is dying.
What can he possibly do to me?"

Do you know what
You were afraid of?

I was afraid that after
A lifetime of hating him...

He was gonna love me anyway.

And I think I--

I waited till he
Couldn't talk anymore

Because I just didn't want
To hear him say it.

Why would that
Have been so bad?

Because if he could love me
And not give me one minute
Of his time...

Then love doesn't mean a thing
And I don't want it.

You can't
Intellectualize it.

It's something we feel--
Sometimes with good reason,

Sometimes not.

Mmm.

You know, I was a pallbearer

And so was ian.

And as we came out
Of the church

And carried the coffin
To the churchyard,

I looked over at him
And I thought,

"One day he's
Gonna carry me...

If I'm lucky enough
Not to mess it up."

You won't mess it up.

How can you be so sure?

Because you already know

That love is the only
Thing that has a chance
Against death.

It causes us a lot of pain,
But without it, we feel

Isolated, untethered,
Lost in space.

So...

My father

Loved me.

And he did
What he could.

No.
Your father loved you

And he did what he did.

And you loved him
And you hated him
Because he ignored you.

Wow.

It's not pretty.
Is it?

I wish you could have had
The father you deserved.

But maybe you can be
A father to yourself now

And do for yourself
What you do for your boys.

Did you have the father
That you needed?

( snickers )
I'm a therapist--
What do you think?

Uh, I gotta go.

I've got to meet

- alex's father.
- ( sighs )

Maybe there's
Some way I can help.

Thank you, gina.

( sighs ) sorry--
Sorry I'm late.

I'm sorry I have to see
You at all, so we're even.

Well, I wouldn't think
That makes us even.

Neither do I.

Oh, are you--
Are you having coffee?

With you?
( snorts )

No, no coffee.

Can you
Give us a minute?

I'm only meeting you here
Because I didn't want to stand
When I talked to you.

- you could have called.
- and I didn't come here
For you to be cute.

So just shut up and listen,

Then I'll go
And this'll be over.

I looked at the evidence.
I read the documents.

My lawyer tells me
It could take two years

Watching you fight this
And try to get away with it.

Why should I do that--
Waste two years

Fighting with you, huh?

No.

I'm gonna drop the case.

- you're gonna
Drop the case?
- yeah.

I'll take the settlement money
That your insurance company
Is offering.

I'll drop the case.

- providing...
- providing what?

You write a letter of apology
Accepting full responsibility
For the death of my son.

( groans )
What would you do
With a letter like that?

- that's none of your business.
- if it means that you
Can use it

To keep me
From practicing, I think
It is my business, yeah.

You know, I'm not responsible
For what other lives
You destroy.

But I need something--
Proof--

A piece of paper that tells me
You know what you did.

So you want me
To write a letter.

From you, accepting
Full responsibility.

You took away my son's
Ability to distance himself
From his job,

And thus destroyed
His ability to do it.

You killed him.

That's all I want.
It's just for me.

I'm not going to show it
To anybody else.
That's all I want.

You won't institute
A malpractice proceeding?

I can't get a picture
Out of my head

Of my son in your office.

I need something...

That lets me know

That you know you got blood
On your hands.

Then you'll never hear
From me again.

- you know--
- you talk to your lawyers

And you let them know
What you decide.

( eerie music playing )