All language subtitles for In.Treatment.S02E21.1080p.Web-Rip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

( melancholy music playing )

( door opens )

( door opens )

Hello, mia.

Paul, are you
All right?

Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.

I'm so sorry
About your father.

Uh, thank you.

( theme music playing )

I found out
From ellis at work.

- how are you?
- I'm-- I'm fine.

You can't
Really be fine.

I know that
I'm not supposed
To talk to your lawyer,

But you never canceled
On me before.

Well, some things are
Bigger than protocol,
Aren't they?

I mean,
Life and death,

And losing a father.

Paul?

Sorry.

It's ironic that
We were talking

About your father
Last session.

Yeah.

I've thought
About that.

You know, the strange thing
Is I haven't spoken
To him since then.

But I can't imagine
What I would do if...

Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry.

This-- this is not
About me today.

Did you get my card?

I stood
In that store forever

Trying to pick
It out, you know?

What kind of picture?
What kind of message?

- what did you think?
- I haven't read it yet.

- because I sent it?
- no no no no no.

You were away
All last week

And you haven't
Opened your mail?

- that's not a good sign.
- ( chuckles )

Sounds like you're
Worried about me.

Well, you do look tired

And you're not
Wearing a jacket.

Oh. Yeah.

Are you sleeping?

- are you eating?
- no, I'm fine.

Yeah, you said
That before.

I know that you have
To be the neutral shrink,

But, you know,
This is a relationship

Of a sort, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

And I appreciate
Your sympathy.

Granted, I am not
The first person
You would reach out to.

Our last couple
Of sessions, I have been...

A challenge
To put it mildly.

But I was concerned.

I wondered
Who do you have?

I don't know if you're
Close to your ex.

I assume your
Kids are with her.
You haven't been

In new york
That long and it's
Hard to find friends.

Well, are you
Worried I'm lonely?
( chuckles )

No offense,
But I can see it
In your face.

( inhales deeply )

Is it possible that
You're afraid I'm not ready

To give you
My full attention today?

No. No, that's not it.

I mean, this is
Me being caring.
Is that okay?

Yeah, of course it is.
It's just it's not what you...

Look, you don't
Have to worry

- about my feelings.
- does anybody?

Would you rather I yell
At you for canceling?

- are you saying you felt like
Yelling when I canceled?
- ( scoffs )

- it was fine.
- no other reaction?

- I got over it.
- before or after
You had seen ellis?

Okay, true,
I went to ellis.

Also true I was
A little upset--

More than a little.

And then
I felt like a jerk

When I found out
Why you had canceled.

But that was
Last week,

And now
Everything's changed.

Oh? Why is that?

Because I'm pregnant.

- oh, that's--
- ( giggles )

--that's really

Big news.

No kidding.

- are you surprised?
- yes.

Yeah, me too,

Especially
With my f.S.H. Levels.

It's strange timing
With us--

Life and death.

Do you wanna have
The session out
In the snow?

- I mean--
- oh, uh...

Sorry.
You were telling me

About your
F.S.H. Levels.

No, we were past that.

I was talking
About our timing.

20 years ago
You were having

Your first child
And I was losing mine.

Yeah. So have you been
Thinking about that time?

It's different.
It's different this time.

I know everybody
Says you get pregnant
And everything changes,

But it's really true.

I mean, my body feels
Totally different.

I've stopped smoking,
You know?

There's-- there's
This preschool on my block

That I always avoid

Because it's moms

With their
Humvee strollers

Blocking everyone,

Like they're privileged
Because they procreated.

Now I just walk
Through smiling.

So you went
From jealousy

To feeling like
Part of the club.

At work, bennett--

Who's leaving friday,
Finally--

He had asked me
To take over this big case,

You know, assuming
That I would just crush
The other side as usual.

But I took one look
At the poor family

And I cut a deal.
He was pissed.

Mmm. You're sure
You're not trying

- to punish bennett?
- he's marrying stefanie.

That'll be
Punishment enough.

I feel bad
For their kid, you know?

I mean,
He's a double adulterer
And she's a bimbo.

- why are we
Talking about bennett?
- well, you brought him up.

And he is somebody
That you did want
To have a child with.

It's-- it's not his.

I did the math.

Still, it's interesting
That you found out

That bennett was
Having a baby

And a couple
Of weeks later
You're pregnant.

Are you saying
That I'm competing
With bennett?

That's what
You think I think?

"That's what
You think I think"?

Paul, I'm having
A baby

Because I went
On a sex spree

That weekend
Without using
Protection.

Maybe that wasn't
The smartest thing
But maybe it was.

So maybe you weren't
Just being reckless.

Maybe you might
Have been trying
To get pregnant.

I figure it was guitar boy
And not the middle-aged cop,

Which is good,

Because there won't
Be any paternity issues
If I decide not to tell.

Guitar boy doesn't
Even have my number
Or my last name.

So you don't
Want him involved?

I know the baby
Needs a father,

But not one
Like that.

Does this silence
Mean you're appalled?

Hey, I'm pregnant.

I thought that

You would be happy,

That we'd celebrate.

This is really
Bad timing. I know.

What would you
Like me to say, mia?

"Wow, mia!
That's amazing!

You came in here
Saying you wanted
A family, a child,

And then you got it.
Congratulations."

In other words,
You had a problem and now
You have a solution?

Well, can't that
Happen ever?

Of course.
It sounds ideal.

What else would you
Like to hear from me?

This game again? Okay.

How about
"Don't worry.

You're going to be
A good mom and I'll
Be there for you."

Could you tell me
What that means,

"I'll be there for you"?

I have major decisions
To make.

- like what?
- like do I need a doula?

Should I have
Genetic testing?

Will my apartment
Be big enough?

And you want me to help you
With those decisions?

How much time
Should I take off?

Or should I just quit
And move to the country?

These are
All big questions.

Your sisters have children.
Have you spoken to them?

They're busy
With their own kids.

And my mother?
Forget it.

And my dad, he loves
His grandchildren,

But he doesn't
Do anything.

He just lets them
Admire him.

You sound sure that
Your mother wouldn't
Want to help you,

But she did
With your sisters.

That's different--
They're younger,
They're married...

And she actually
Likes them.

- and she doesn't like you?
- for me she was less
Of a mom

And more of a vase--

Beautiful, but hard
To the touch.

That's a very
Powerful image.

She was beautiful
Until I ruined
Her figure.

Oh yes,
Her mantra.

Has that been
On your mind this week?

I've always
Kept in shape.

I think men like that--
And now that'll all go.

I hear
Your feet get bigger.
I hate big feet.

Not to mention
What birth does to sex.

I mean,
You've been there.

It stretches, right?

The size
Of a baby's head

Compared to the size
Of a penis?

That can't be good.

And the man thing
Is over, isn't it?

Guys my age,
They have grown kids.

They don't want
To change diapers again.

- I mean, would you?
- what-- what are
You asking me?

Come on, paul,
Just answer my question.

If someone like me
Would be attracted
To a woman like you?

We've already done that.
I get it-- we're not a couple.

I'm saying
Hypothetically

If I got fat,
Emotional--

More emotional--

If I had to cater
To an infant--

I don't think that
Rules out all men.

So I could still get
The drooling guy on the back
Of the 6 train?

I mean, look,
Having a child

Can ruin even
A good relationship.

Is that what
Happened to you?

Your wife did
All the child-rearing

While you sat
In that chair listening
To people's problems?

She actually dealt
With people's problems?

It must've
Pissed her off.

Obviously,
Something did.

But I'd rather
Talk about your anger
Than my ex-wife's.

Fair enough.

Who-- whose are those?

Yours or your kids?

And why are
They in here?

Are you this responsive
With your kids

Or are you different
As a dad?

Oh. Okay, great.
You're bored?

You're annoyed?
You can't wait till
I get out of here?

And we're back
To your default--

That I want
To kick you out.

You did just
Look at your watch.
You have never done that.

- I've never
Worn a watch before.
- that is not the point.

I am right.
You should not be
Working this week.

- I'm fine, mia.
- if I said "I'm fine"
Four times,

You would be
All over me.

You're not
Even in the room,
Emotionally.

Admit it.
Why did you look
At your watch?

It's my father's watch.

I'm sorry.
I must have glanced
Without meaning to

When you mentioned
The word "Dad."

Oh.

It's not even ticking.

Time stops
When I'm here.

If I wasn't pregnant,
We could call it a day
And go to a bar.

- that would be
Better for both of us.
- is this the bar in soho

Where you hoped
We'd run into each other?

Yeah, although
This time we could act
Like we'd just met.

As in "Hello,
Is this seat taken?"

- ( both chuckle )
- right. And I'd say,
"No. Hi.

I just found out
I'm pregnant

After a binge weekend
Of anonymous sex."

And you would say
"My father just died."

Then we'd get plastered
And fly to vegas
And get married.

- and then what?
- oh, you know me,
I'd fuck it up.

- but it was fun, wasn't it?
- I can see how

We both could think
It would solve our problems.

Don't go overboard.

Mia, I think there's
Two issues here:

One, your feelings
About the pregnancy;

Two, your feelings
About not having a partner.

And it could be
That they're...

Intertwined.

I mean, you've said
A few times

That it feels like I'm not
In the room today.

You mentioned
You're worried that
Having a baby is gonna

Make you feel
Less physically attractive.

Is it that you're
Afraid that no one
Will be there for you

If you have a child?

Well, I will be
A single mom.

- that's harder.
- yes.

It can be.

And okay, I admit
It isn't my first choice

But I can't have
My first choice.

This is what I have.
It's not picture perfect.

And what's
Picture perfect?

Me, a baby
And a man.

And what kind of man?

- what? I don't know.
- no idea?

That's not the point.
Why aren't you encouraging me?

You're in the mood
To celebrate

And you feel that
I'm not joining in that.

No, I think
That you think

That I'm too fucked up,

That I'll be miserable

- and a disaster.
- you know that's
Not what I said.

Never mind. I will call
Guitar boy. I'm sure he'll
Take full responsibility.

Or-- or I'll just
Do it all on my own.

I'll quit my job,
I'll gain 100 lbs

And I'm sure
I'll still be as good
A mom as my mom was

Except that this baby
Won't have a dad.

- why don't you
Just take a breath?
- god, I need to smoke.

Oh. You won't let me.

I thought you had quit
Because you're pregnant.

One cigarette isn't
Going to do any harm.

- I'd rather you didn't.
- I'm in withdrawal, okay?

- I think
You're agitated.
- ( sighs )

Why do people have
Children anyhow?

They want little versions
Of themselves

To gaze up
And say "I love you"?

They want to relive
Their own childhoods?

That-- that is
The last thing
I want to do.

The truth is I like
Visiting my nieces,

But I cannot wait
To get home.

You don't give me
That sense.

What was I thinking,
Sleeping around like that?

If I had wanted
A child,

I would've
Had one by now.

Maybe I should
Give it up for adoption.

So...

You don't want
To have the baby?

I'm just...

Go on, mia.
Just talk through it.

It's-- tell me
What you're feeling.

- it's okay.
These feelings--
- no, shut up.

Shut up.
It's not okay.

This isn't just
My feelings.

This is it, right?

This is
My last chance...

And I'm--
I'm too scared?

This sounds very similar
To what you were saying
20 years ago.

You're right.

This is just how it felt
Back then, isn't it?

I didn't want to have a baby.
I wanted to have an abortion.

And is that what
You want to do now?

No. I don't know.

I mean,
Come on, paul.

We both know I'm--

I shouldn't
Go through with this.

Mia, look, I understand
That you may be feeling

Just overwhelmed
Right now...

- yeah, you think?
- ...But you are in
A very different place

Than you were back then.
Some of your concerns are--

They're practical.
You can handle them now.

You know how
To hire a nanny,

How to buy
A bigger apartment,
How to make a living.

But maybe
The real question is

Do you want
To raise a child

If you have to do it
On your own?

Will you help me?

I-- I can help you
As your therapist.

Well, I know,
But I've never
Been a mother

- and you're the father.
- I'm the father?

N-- no,
I misspoke.

You're not the father.
You're a father.

Nevertheless, you did
Want us to celebrate,

You asked if
I would stick with you
If you were pregnant

And then you imagined
How we might run away
And get married.

So if you're creating
A new family, mia,

It's possible that
You'd like me to be there--

In the picture
Or in the room.

And here we are.

And now I just want you
To tell me that

Having a baby
Means I won't be alone
For the rest of my life.

( chuckles )
Actually, I can tell you

That in my experience
At times it feels like

When you have a child,
You'll never be alone again,

Or even have
A moment to yourself.

Who-- who else
Have you told
About the pregnancy?

This time?

No one.

Even after
You took the test?

I think you're right, paul.
I do want to pull you in.

Of course,
You know I--

I'm scared.
I'm worried about
Doing it on my own.

But I heard
What you said.

I'm not the same person
I was 20 years ago.

There's just
This new life.

I can feel it.

And this time
I want it.

You really do.

And I'll try my best
To be a good mother...

Even if I'm afraid
And even if

It's just me.

I think maybe this is
A good place to stop.

Oh. Wow,
That went fast.

It's okay.
I'd better get going.

The subways are going
To be all screwed up.

But you--
( clears throat )

You should take
The rest of the day off--

A snow day.

Go for a walk
In the park.
Eat something.

Thank you.

And, paul...

Please be happy for me.

( theme music playing )