Original subtitles

Tell us your name. What are you going to

do today?

I'm Ryan Carowway. I'm doing uh a

monologue called Breadcrumbs from Jules

Feifer's uh Hold Me.

So, I uh

I went out with that girl um the other

night

and we go to the movies and um so

afterwards we're walking out and she's

looking at me like, "All right, the

night's, you know, not over, you know."

So I say, "Well, what would you

what would you like to do?" So she says,

"Um,

you know, how about ice cream?" I'm

like, "Yeah, [ __ ] ice cream. We'll

go." And so now we're walking out of

theater and you know, immediately I

start throwing out my breadcrumbs and um

and now she's she's looking at me and I

know this is either going to go one or

one or two ways because either they

don't say anything because they're

embarrassed and I mean, yeah, they're

embarrassed for me, but more

importantly, they're embarrassed to be

seen with me or or they're just not

going to shut the [ __ ] up. and she just

doesn't shut the [ __ ] up.

So, she asked me, she goes, "Well, you

know, what are you doing?" So, I said,

"What am I? I'm throwing out breadcrumbs

because I have, you know, a horrible

sense of direction. I got to find my way

home later."

So, she goes, "What are you worried

about that? I'm going to help you find

your way home." I'm like, "You're going

to help me?" She She doesn't know where

the [ __ ] I'd live. How is she going to

help me find a way home? We've been

dating for for for a week. She's never

been to my apartment. She's going to

help me find my way home. So she goes,

"What are you talking about? You can't

make a whole philosophy out of out of

breadcrumbs." And I'm like, "What? What

the [ __ ] are you talking about? I can't

make a whole philosophy out of

breadcrumbs." Of course I can. And and I

and and and I've done it. And it's

worked for me my whole life. And it's

got me from from point A to point C. And

who the [ __ ] are you? And by the way,

she doesn't even like me because she's

telling me she's like, "Oh, look at your

freckles. Jesus. I just want to I just

want to connect the dots on your [ __ ]

Jesus." So, she's causing

she's causing this [ __ ] scene.

Everyone's staring at us. We're, you

know, Fifth Avenue. So, I [ __ ] leave

her. I'm like, I can't deal with this.

So, I go and

and I completely forgot

to throw out my breadcrumbs.

And

I had no problem getting home, which

seems to make my whole past life, you

know, invalid.

You okay? My mouth is just so dry.

Well, it's interesting because look,

that's something that,

you know, uh the the the physical thing

that can happen when you walk on stage

for the first time or you walk into an

audition and suddenly your mouth goes

and you're like, I can't. Now, what's

interesting about this particular piece

with that particular problem is that

it's it's so rapid and requires a kind

of dexterity to to really get through.

So, I don't know whether that you felt

it, but like it was it was too fast or

you weren't you I wish I would have

drunk some water before I did it. No.

Uh but uh aside from that, it's you you

do it very well and it's it's a very

funny piece. Um the the thing about the

piece that I think is is interesting and

it could just be nerves or you know

doing it or maybe you've done it a lot

and so there's a certain kind of pattern

of of getting yourself into the sort of

hysteria but it kind of feels like it

peaks a little too early like you get

[ __ ] frustrated at her. I think you

even say um

the [ __ ] she's talking about early on.

It's before the argument it's before the

real argument starts right. So there's

just it just feels to me like you can

you can allow this piece to build a

little bit more gradually because

because I kind of feel like it's it's

one of those pieces where it's like

we're totally the audience is totally

ready to go with you because once they

get what the premise is then it's like

we're like oh this is this is going to

be funny right there's a certain sort of

you know entertaining aspect to oh but

it almost feels like if you peak too

soon then it's a little that then we're

not quite sure, which is fine. But I

think that just in terms of the way you

want to slowly pull that audience in to

the comic stuff as it gets hot crazier

and crazier and as you can't even

[ __ ] finish it sentence, you know,

it's like it's like uh who could do this

monologue really well? Um Lewis Black

could do this monologue really well,

right?

You know what I mean?

um that then I kind of feel like if you

allow that to happen then the silence

that you find

before this other thing happens

which completely changes everything. The

thing that I kind of wonder about, and I

don't know whether it's in the piece or

not, or or or in the play or not, but

what is he ultimately saying about her

at the end of the day that he learned?

Does does it does do we figure out?

Well, for the first time, he realizes

that he's a fraud. And that's the whole

thing. It's like he's in the beginning

of the play, he's ranting about

everybody's a fraud. And you find out

that he's kind of put these

faces on

to prove to people that he's not a fraud

while being a fraud. And now this is the

first time that he realizes,

you know,

that

you all right?

Yeah.

Now you do it again, only with this one

on.

And um

I want you to try to do this now

if

you are a bird

and you'll have to find what kind of Try

So, I went

out with a girl the other night

and we went to the movies.

I don't even know what we saw.

And on the way out, she's looking at me

like the night is,

you know, it's not it's not over.

And so I say, "Well, what would you

what would you like to do?"

And she says, "Well, I would like to get

ice cream. Would

you like to [ __ ] it?

Get some ice cream.

So, as we're leaving,

I start throwing out my breadcrumbs

and she's looking at me.

and she's looking at me.

So I say, "What are you looking at?"

She goes, "But what are you doing?"

And I say, "Well, I'm throwing out my

breadcrumbs because I have a horrible

sense of direction

and I cannot find my way back home and

I'd quite like to.

And then she laughed like it was some

big joke.

So I say to her, I say, "I don't

understand why my personal problems have

to make such a big joke."

And she goes, "Well,

it's okay because I'm going to help you

find your way home, right?" She's going

to help me find my way home.

She doesn't know where I live.

We've been dating for a week and she's

going to help me find my way home.

She goes, "What are you going on about?

Why are your feathers so ruffled? You

can't make all philosophy out of

breadcrumbs."

That's why I say, "What the [ __ ] are you

talking about?"

Excellent. Thank you very much.

It's very I gave you water, though. You

Thanks.

Look, it's really it's an interesting

it's it's a very interesting exercise to

do, you know, as a bird.

I don't know if I quite got it.

Oh, no. You were very birdlike.

Definitely. Nice work.

Thank you.

Nice work. Who's next?