Original subtitles

- Hi, my name is Caitlin

and I'm gonna be the next American Idol!

(upbeat music)

- [Vic] Today, we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

- Shut up, really?

- [Vic] They have no idea who

or what they're about to become.

- You can't thwart me.

- [Vic] Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character on the spot

and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.

- Am I gorgeous?

- [Vic] This is "Very Important People."

(funky upbeat music)

(curtain rustling)

- Oh! Oh!

Oh (laughs) oh my god.

I don't have any eyebrows!

Hello!

Wait, wait, oh my god, I look like Lance Bass.

(crew laughing)

Wow, these are wild.

This is so crazy.

I'm from Ohio,

(crew laughing)

I'm an EDM artist, you know, I'm going through a breakup.

I really wanted to be a little low key tonight.

This is something I sort of pulled together.

It's a mixture of death and rebirth.

Am I making any sense?

Is that, am I making sense? (crew laughing)

(upbeat music)

- Okay, you guys gave me such wonderful compliments.

I have decided to gift each one of you a compliment.

You move things on this set.

You are an editor.

I love sort of that you are not afraid

to come on when you need to come on,

and then you're not afraid to leave-

- [Director] I'm sorry, hey, Vic?

We really have to go, we're an hour behind.

- Noted, thank you.

Okay, you know, I just think a lot

of people are having trouble slowing down

and the four of us taking our time, taking our breath-

- [Director] Okay, can we clear the set please?

- Okay, so we're gonna- - [Director] Rolling, rolling.

- Guys, we're gonna clear the set.

Thank you for your time and thank you for your voice.

I appreciate your voice.

We all have a story to tell

and sometimes those stories need

to be shared with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis,

back with another edition of "Very Important People."

(Screaming) Okay-

(continued screaming)

- Are you okay?

- Sorry, I had a sneeze, I'm sorry.

- [Vic] Okay- - Hello?

- [Vic] Hello! - Yes?

- Let's go ahead and take a seat here.

- Oh, dear God.

- Please introduce yourself.

- I'm Stop.

(dramatic music)

- Stop? - Stop.

- Stop. - Stop.

- Stop? - Yes?

- Okay, well, Stop,

it is so lovely to have you- - Yes?

- on the show today. When I saw your exhibit,

"Pieces of Frame- (Stop coughs)

Do you want some water?

- I haven't had water in about 10 years, so-

- You haven't had water in 10 years?

- No. - [Vic] Okay.

Uh, we also have a, a sort of like an off-brand Sprite.

- Please, stop talking so I can speak.

Part of my exhibit going on right now is

to put myself through a sense

of turmoil,

yes?

So I will have a sip of the water.

We'll see if I die or not.

Did you know that infants cannot have water

or they will die?

- Yeah, I did know that.

- I did not know that.

- How did you find out?

Okay, so I- I, honestly, this is-

- Stop, please. - Okay.

(Stop slurping)

(water in mouth swishing)

- That was brave. Okay.

Do we have a medic maybe here somewhere?

(Stop coughing) Okay, so I don't know

how water is eliciting that reaction.

I think you do need it to live.

(Stop screaming)

Ah-ah-ah-ah, okay, okay.

- That went down quite well.

- [Vic] Wow. (chuckles) - I feel so much better.

Thank you so much.

- No problem, okay, wow.

Honestly, I've been such a fan of art for such a long time,

I feel like being a part of the art is kind of exhilarating.

- [Stop] Vic, can I please have some help?

My god. - Yes, of course.

And that's, and that's on me.

As host, I'm sort of the art curator

of this, of this set. - Oh, wow, look at this.

Look at this, it's gorgeous, it looks like a dragon.

- [Vic] Okay. - Tape it off immediately

before it dries. - Do we have some tape?

- Yes? - [Vic] Thanks, here we go.

And did you, and there we go.

- [Stop] Your nails are so long.

- Oh, thank you, I sort of let them

grow out a little bit- - Vic, please,

Vic, please. Please.

- And I'm, and I'm quiet, and I'm so quiet here

and I'm gonna let the artist work.

This is really incredible.

I mean, very rarely do we get true artists on our set.

I personally firmly believe

that art is the soul of a society.

You have a show coming up.

- I have this exhibit coming up in two weeks.

One of my prized possessions I brought here was one

of my first pieces.

It is entitled, "Vacuous."

You open the briefcase- - [Vic] Mm-hm.

- And inside,

inside

is a photo of the briefcase, yes?

- Sure, I get it, it's about the thing you want

is actually the thing inside, right?

- No. - Okay.

- It's about a vacuousness that is

within but above.

And so here we are.

That is one of the pieces from my art exhibit.

- Well, your publicist brought a few additional pieces

for you to show off today.

- That was not cleared with me.

- Oh. - [Stop] I did not know

that that was happening here.

- Okay, well, then we don't have

to show the pieces if you'd prefer not to.

- I mean, I don't wanna be annoying, so I guess,

I guess we have to now, it's fine.

- Okay, well, uh, and here's your first piece.

- Oh, yes.

This is about something I love dearly,

which is United States of America.

- Really?

- If there is one thing I love on this planet,

it's Balenciaga- - Mm-hm.

- And this goddam country.

(Vic laughing) (Stop giggling)

(beep) (gentle music)

So it's four flags.

There are how many faces on Rushmore?

- Four, oh my god. - So four, the number four

sort of transcends through all of the history

of this incredible country that we live in.

- I get it. - [Stop] Yes?

- It's like the fact that we think we're the only one

that has freedom, the one flag, except-

- Yes, except-

- Other countries have freedom too.

- Yes.

- [Vic] So there's multiple flags.

We think we're alone, but actually,

- [Stop] We are- - Actually, we're more alike.

- We are all together, we are all...

Patriots. Yes? - Patriots.

I don't think I wanna say that.

- I created these flags.

Well, I bought them from a CVS-

- Mm. - And I took the tag off.

What I like to do is I like to position them

so they sort of somewhat resemble flowers.

Because I think that to be a citizen

in this beautiful nation is

to be a flower blooming in a field.

- And correct me if I'm wrong, what I am seeing here is,

you know, these flags at the end

of the day are made out of...

Okay, so, and then they fall sometimes

and sometimes freedom fails, right?

- Yes, freedom never fails- - Okay.

- But sometimes they fall just because of the geometry

of them being anchored in a short cup.

- Okay, so we are sort of saying

two very different things. - [Stop] Yes?

Oh, this is gorgeous, what is this?

- Uh, it's sort of a stepstool.

I actually didn't know it opened.

- I like this a lot, this would be a gorgeous skirt, yes?

- I don't know how you'd walk in that, personally.

- You don't have to walk in it. It's a skirt.

- Do you not walk in a skirt?

- Why are you constantly disagreeing with me?

I don't understand.

- And I apologize.

- I'm going to be taking this with me when I leave.

- Okay.

- My assistant is off camera.

- We didn't even see you come in with anybody.

- Storm, take this, please.

Put this in my car and wrap it in a velvet cloak.

- Storm is really hiding.

You know what, I- I think you're right, and I, and I can-

- Who are you?

- This is, uh, this is camera- - Hello?

Hello? - This is actually,

this is my favorite camera, gets my good angles.

- I have a purse that looks exactly like that, yes?

- Do you? - [Stop] Yes?

- Well, you're saying yes and I don't know.

So I'm asking, do you?

- It is not about yes or no, it's about always.

- Mm. - [Stop] Yes?

- Yes. Always. - [Stop] Yes.

I feel a sadness in you,

like an otherworldly deep sadness.

Do people make fun of the way that you dress?

- I don't think so.

- I've been sad since, uh...

Well, the infant incident.

But you know, it's- - Oh!

- Every once in a while, I sort of feel as though you have

to pretend that the sadness is not there, yes?

- Yes. - And I, I sort of feel

that, you know, within-

(briefcase thudding)

- Oh god. The art, it just-

- Please! - 'Kay.

- Oh, jeez, oh! - Okay.

Maybe Storm could help.

Okay, so, Storm, and then we go, okay.

And then, Storm, off set 'cause-

- Storm, Storm, Storm, Storm, Storm?

Storm, Storm, Storm?

I'd like to paint your eyes.

- Me? - [Stop] Yes, right now.

Can we find some paint, please?

- Can we find some paint? - I have to paint

Vic's eyes right now. - Okay, yes-

- We have to move this

out of the way. - [Vic] Maybe this can go

in the exhibit. - Right now.

We have to move everything right now.

- Of course we do, okay.

- [Stop] Please? - [Vic] We'll move-

- I need you to sit right here

with me right now. - Okay, yep, okay.

- Oh god!

- [Vic] What does this mean?

The flag has, has fallen and- and the water is evaporating.

- [Stop] Yes. - What does this mean?

- [Vic] Yes, yes. - A lack of resources.

- Yes, let me think for just a moment, please.

Maybe this piece of art that is now broken apart is sort

of telling us that this country is not...

Great again.

(Vic and Stop laugh)

(beep) (gentle music)

Vic, if you please, I want you to hold these flags

and to yourself out loud, please tell me

what you love about this country.

- Okay, um, I love,

okay, I love sort of, um,

that I get to do this show in this country.

- Yes? - I did try

and do this show when I was in Hungary and I-

- If you're hungry, then get some food.

(Stop chuckling) - Okay, (chuckles)

no, the country though, it, uh-

- I've taken improv comedy once or twice in my life.

- [Vic] Did you? - So that was a,

that was a joke that I tried, yes?

- Okay, I did try and do standup one time

at a storytelling show, but my jokes

were mostly sort of like headlines-

- Vic, can I say something?

You're very long-winded.

- Thank you.

Oh, okay, oh no- - Yes?

- So I see what this is.

- Yes? - No, so, um,

this is sort of, I got this commissioned actually

by an artist that maybe you know.

He does sort of, um-

- Can you hold this for me please?

- Birds and portrait. Well, so-

- There's plastic on these, Storm!

- So Storm isn't like cleared

to be on the- - Please open these.

- [Vic] Be on the set, so-

- Hold it. - [Vic] Okay-

- Do as I say. Do as I say.

- I think something I'm really working on as a person is,

uh, you know, I'm listening to feedback.

- You have not been listening.

- [Vic] Okay, well then that must not be true.

- [Stop] Oh wow, look at this, okay.

- [Vic] Oh god, okay, so- - [Stop] I'm feeling this deep

deep sadness within, yes, that is tears

for not listening, yes?

- So at first I was a little excited-

- [Stop] And then we have- - That we were getting

an original, and now it's sort of a you get what you want,

just not the way you wanted it.

- When was the last time you felt utter despair?

- Right now. - Why?

- I think, you know, like I was really excited

to have you on and interview you about art

and, uh, you know, I just,

I think your work meant so much to me-

- Again, this long-winded, I just don't understand.

I ask a question, then I get this sort

of soliloquy of information, it's grating.

- Are you a Republican?

- I don't speak politics.

- Oh, right, okay.

You know, and we'll sort of,

we'll put those sort of over there.

- Let me tell you something about art.

It is not always what for,

it is what you are on the inside.

But that doesn't matter, it's what's on the outside, yes?

- Oh my god, I get it, it's, it's us.

- I'm not done. - Okay.

- It is what you are on the outside,

but it's, it's all on the inside as well.

- It's the two of us sort of building something together,

something greater than ourselves.

- I sort of find- - It's USA, um...

It's USA, okay.

- When I think about what I think is great,

I think about- - Okay.

- how much I love this nation.

- Right.

- And- and how much it has given me.

I wanted to do fireworks.

- I think we sort of get the idea here

and I actually- - Storm, I need a tissue.

- We'll just sort of deal with this.

- Storm, can you kiss it, please?

(smooch) Thank you, Storm.

- Okay, that's it, there we go, up then.

Look at this, oh, man.

Okay, and there we go, okay.

- Okay, it's- - [Vic] And so, sort of-

- Vic, it's a pull. - [Vic] It's a pull.

- You just have to pull me up.

- [Vic] Okay. - Yes?

- So I'm sort of, and there we go, look at that.

- Hello? Hello?

(Stop screaming)

- [Vic] Oh, what, it's okay.

Um, this is our PA, and-

- Oh dear god.

- And we do have to, and we say thank you.

Thank you for, uh, for gathering our art.

- I was not prepared for this.

- I apologize and I will learn better and I will do better.

Okay, well, I'm noticing this is kind of drying.

And look at that, look at us.

- It's, Vic, it's a pull.

- A pull, it's a pull.

- [Stop] You just have to pull me.

- And there we are. - Thank you so much, yes?

- Look at that, fantastic, so maybe, okay, oh no.

(Stop screaming) It's okay, it's okay.

That can't be, can't be hurting.

It's not really attached to your head,

sort of spike- - Ow!

- Is this coming from your head?

- Why would you ask someone a question like that?

- What do you mean?

It looks like a hat-

- Do I ask you about your appearance?

- You did sort of ask about my suit

10 minutes ago. - No, no.

That's lies, that's fake news.

- Hey, let's, let's focus.

You're here to talk about your art show and I wanna support

you in that mission. - Yes?

I have a, a performance that I would like to do, yes?

- Yes, please, we would love

to see a performance, I think.

- I'm sort of a, can I have a light change, yes?

- Oh, I'm sure, okay, so we'll sorta...

- [Stop] Yes? - [Vic] Okay, spooky.

- [Stop] Yes?

? Oh say, can you see ? (exaggerated vocal fry)

? By the dawn's early light ?

? What so proudly we hail'd ?

? At the twilight's last gleaming ?

? Whose broad stripes and bright stars ?

? Through the perilous fight ?

? O'er the ramparts we watch'd ?

? Were so gallantly streaming ?

? And the rocket's red glare ?

? The bombs bursting in air ?

? Gave proof through the night ?

(Vic clapping) ? That our- ?

I'm not done.

? That our flag was still there ?

? O say does that star-spangled ?

? Banner yet wave ?

? O'er the land of the free ?

? And the home ?

? Of the ?

Brave.

(Vic clapping)

- Oh, okay, okay, I get it.

You're sort of like, "Oh, I'm like a Republican."

It's the art. - No.

- [Vic] You're playing like this character-

- Yes, no. - [Vic] That we're all like,

"Oh my god, who did she vote for?"

And we're like so scared for a second.

- I voted for Donald J. Trump.

(Vic, Stop and crew laughing)

(beep) (gentle music)

I voted for Donald J. Trump.

I don't know if you know this,

but the J stands for Jessica.

(Vic laughs)

And so I just sort of feel like I just wanted to share that.

- Oh, so that's real.

- Yes. - [Vic] Okay.

- What's the issue?

- I- I think that you voted for a bad person.

- His middle name is Jessica, how bad can he be?

- I don't think that's his

middle name, first off. - [Stop] It's fine!

I'm happy with the candidate I voted for.

- You know what, why don't we go-

- Can't we all just get along?

I don't understand the issue.

- How about we get along over to the art pieces here.

- [Stop] Yes? - So let's, uh,

let's maybe go take a look at this.

- What is the problem?

- We heard maybe you'd be interested in, uh, live ideating

an art piece here for us. - Oh, wow,

this is a treasure trove.

- [Vic] So what do you look for when you're looking

to create an art piece?

- I'm looking for...

(rubber balloon squeaking)

Color variation.

This represents a bill for fracking.

- 'Cause it's twisted.

- [Stop] Because it's needed.

We have sound here.

(tambourine chiming) (instruments clattering)

(banjo strums)

The sound of the South.

(banjo plucking) (singing with vocal fry)

Yes? - I think the South

maybe has enough sounds- - [Stop] If we could just...

Storm!

- [Vic] And Storm, so Storm is sort of right here.

- Please take this and put it

in buttermilk and have it solidify.

- So Storm is making a lot of the art.

- Hello? Hello?

(speaker clicks on) Hello, hello, yes?

- Okay. - Hello, yes?

Oh, I love this.

- Okay, me too. - [Stop] Yes, yes.

- That's something we can agree on.

- You are going to abide by the law.

There is a citywide curfew.

You are going- - Okay.

- To abide by the law.

- You're kind of sounding-

- There is a citywide curfew.

Stop attacking the cops. - I don't- (chuckling)

- [Stop] They are here to protect you.

- And then my turn with the art and I sort of say, uh, oh!

Okay, so, okay, this actually does feel-

- Yes? - This feels great actually.

I was gonna say, you know, I don't know that that's true.

And also, I don't think that (other speaker clicks on)

cops attacking civilians- - Hello, yes?

- Is really an- - [Stop] Hello?

- Oh, so we found another one. - [Stop] Yes?

There is a nationwide curfew.

Stop attacking the cops. (tambourine chiming)

- Okay, well, I don't think anybody's attacking-

- Stop attacking the cops. - Nobody's attacking the

police, okay, I don't think- - [Stop] Yes?

- That that's really an issue. - Stop attacking the cops.

- I would sort of argue that maybe-

- They are here to protect people, I say-

- Maybe, maybe civilians- - Stop attacking the cops.

- Sort of like getting attacked is sort of a bigger issue.

What if we use this energy and we sort of,

we're putting this towards like healthcare workers,

you know what I'm saying? - Yes?

- Giving money and- and praise to- to people

that are like literally saving people.

- You know who needs money?

Are the lobbyists.

- What do you mean the lobbyists need money?

I think they, they're giving money, they don't need money.

They're so rich. - I feel as though

the lobbyists need money, why is that an issue?

And I think there should be more

guns. (tambourine shakes)

- No, no, no. - Yes?

- There shouldn't be more guns, there's plenty of guns.

There needs to be less guns actually.

And guess what! I'm sorry, I'm sorry to say it!

I love your art and I think you're a bad person.

And I don't think we can separate art from the artist.

- Vic, I have a question for you.

Have you ever been to the island of Sweden?

- No, no, I haven't.

- I have a beautiful house there-

- Of course you do.

- With several bedrooms- - Yeah.

- A 24/7 live-in chef-

- Wow. - [Stop] A live-in masseuse-

- Of course. - And live performances

every night by Maroon 5.

- Maroon 5?

- Would you like to be a guest in my home?

(Vic sighs)

We would a fantastic time, I have an infinity pool.

In fact, I have four.

- No. No.

- I have a private jet outside.

Storm is fueling it right now and we have unlimited flan.

I spoke to your producer earlier

who I paid $10,000 to tell me how much you love flan.

- Flan. - [Stop] Would you like

to hold this flag for me, yes?

Just my fingers are tired, yes?

So you- - You know what?

Honestly, I think I could probably do more good

by like coming with you and having a conversation-

- Oh yes! - 'Cause that's how you

change people is you have- - We can chat.

- Conversations with people.

- Yes, yes! - Yes.

- I just want to say Vic Michaelis is coming to my house

and being a guest in my home

and they do not care who I voted for.

- Okay, so we're gonna-

- Yes? - We're gonna sorta,

we're gonna do that. - Vic Michaelis endorses-

- I'm Vic Michaelis reminding you

to be true to yourself. - My beliefs.

- Unless you'd rather be somebody else, goodnight.

And I didn't say that. - I just, I have to-

- So we're gonna- - Vic Michaelis

does endorse my beliefs.

- I just think we should stay off of social media maybe

and we sort of maybe just-

- I've been livestreaming this entire time.

Storm has been in the corner.

I wanted to say the week that you come,

my dear friend Newt Gingrich is going to be there.

He is a riot!

He's so hilarious.

- Does he do improv too?

- Yes, he does improv, funnily enough,

and I feel like you will have so much to discuss, Vic.

- Why?

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(sighs) Okay.

(upbeat music fades)

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