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00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:27,440
La Fabrique
www.sous-titres.eu
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00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:33,900
Unless we come together as a country
and realize that refugees from Syria
3
00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:35,700
should be considered in need…
4
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,200
Refugees from Syria
5
00:00:42,330 --> 00:00:44,870
should be considered
in need of international protection.
6
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,210
The vast majority
of refugees from Syria
7
00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:52,510
are likely to meet
refugee status criteria,
8
00:00:52,630 --> 00:00:54,670
and they should benefit from…
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00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:56,890
Liar.
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00:00:57,180 --> 00:01:00,680
Instead of booing my opinion,
make a constructive argument!
11
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:03,270
I’m not booing your opinion.
I’m booing your report topic.
12
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:05,640
No one even knows what a refugee is.
13
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,730
Mr. Garrison, can you do something
about this, please?
14
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,650
Sorry, Wendy.
Very nicely done.
15
00:01:15,530 --> 00:01:17,740
Next report.
Let’s have Peter Mullen.
16
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,370
Jesus!
17
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,950
My report is on the vial
and despicable trash
18
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:26,830
that our parents are watching on TV.
19
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,290
Fellow students,
20
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:30,960
there’s a plague of smut
on our cable boxes.
21
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,670
Shows that feature reenactments
22
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,880
of unsolved crimes
and spousal homicides.
23
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:37,300
I’m talking, of course, about…
24
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:38,760
murder porn.
25
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,890
– Murder porn?
– That’s more like it.
26
00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:46,100
According to the Nielsen ratings,
viewership in Cold Case Files,
27
00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:50,360
Dateline Murder and Deadly Affairs
is skyrocketing among married couples.
28
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,270
The increased viewership
has brought about new shows
29
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,280
that use graphic sex and innuendo
to make spousal murder more titillating.
30
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,160
Shows like Southern Fried Homicide,
31
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,450
Sinful Secrets,
On The Case With Paula Zahn.
32
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:04,410
And it’s all smut and garbage
and it’s trash!
33
00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:09,670
Your parents are watching this stuff.
34
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,000
Go ask them.
35
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:14,050
And as we ask them,
we must also ask ourselves:
36
00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:16,630
if they’re obsessed with this stuff,
then how long?
37
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,590
How long before one of our daddies
dresses up in lingerie
38
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,050
and bashes Mommy’s head in
with a brick?
39
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,740
Crap!
Who could that be?
40
00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,700
It’s probably fucking Stan.
41
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,910
Hang on a second, bud.
42
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,740
Come on in.
43
00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:48,500
What’s up?
44
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:50,670
His wife is having
sex with the neighbor.
45
00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:53,460
And when her husband comes home,
46
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,420
he wants more than just a divorce.
47
00:02:58,460 --> 00:03:00,220
You’re watching murder porn?
48
00:03:01,090 --> 00:03:02,140
Murder porn?
49
00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:04,470
This is an investigative crime show.
50
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:06,970
Adults like documentaries.
51
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,980
These are based on real things.
52
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,390
This is like news.
It’s informative.
53
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,100
Parents like informative stuff.
54
00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:19,490
We missed the murder!
Did he cut them up?
55
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,450
– What’s up?
– You know Aaron Hagan?
56
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:29,290
The first-grader?
57
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,790
Come down to his house.
His dad just killed his mom.
58
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,220
That kid should not be seeing this.
59
00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:54,650
– What happened?
– You’re making a mistake!
60
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:57,270
Let me go.
It wasn’t me, I tell you!
61
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,860
A burglar broke in!
He was black!
62
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:02,740
The one who stabbed
that nagging bitch in her fat face.
63
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:04,280
He was black!
64
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,370
I know we’re all concerned,
but we have to work together.
65
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:16,750
How is this stuff allowed
to stay on the air?
66
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:20,090
The police found hours and hours
of murder porn on the Hagans’ DVR.
67
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:21,590
What more proof do we need?
68
00:04:21,710 --> 00:04:25,510
I called the network about the smut,
and you know what they told me?
69
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,180
That if I didn’t want them watching,
I should spend more time with them.
70
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,600
Like it’s my fault!
71
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:35,940
It’s the result of a broken society
in which profit comes before morals!
72
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:41,610
Look, everybody.
I know we all feel our hands are tied.
73
00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:44,740
But the fact is
we can do something about this.
74
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:49,410
There’s an app which allows kids
to block things on television.
75
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:54,080
And it’s protected with a security code
that only a child would know.
76
00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:57,040
Tonight at 10:00,
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00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:59,840
it’s a tale of lust,
seduction and murder,
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00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,840
on Sexy Betrayals.
79
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:06,050
Then at 7:00, some like their murder
with a side of sexy biscuits,
80
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,550
on Southern Fried Homicide.
81
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,810
But now, get ready for lust,
betrayal and murder
82
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:14,180
on Hot Load Case Files.
83
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,230
Three of the best shows in a row!
84
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,650
– Is the lube over there?
– I got lube right here.
85
00:05:19,770 --> 00:05:21,730
Get over here, big guy.
86
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:33,080
What the hell?
87
00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:38,500
We aren’t getting
our informative murder porn.
88
00:05:40,210 --> 00:05:43,090
None of our murder porn channels
appear to be working.
89
00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:48,550
The screen just says,
“How do you tame a horse in Minecraft?”
90
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,970
We do have children.
91
00:05:53,430 --> 00:05:54,430
A what?
92
00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:56,890
A parental lock?
93
00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:03,820
How do you tame a horse in Minecraft?
94
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,690
What’s Minecraft?
How do you tame a horse in it?
95
00:06:06,820 --> 00:06:08,860
You don’t need to watch that stuff.
96
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:12,950
You can’t block your parents
from watching informative murder porn!
97
00:06:13,530 --> 00:06:17,580
You think if we watch married people
killing each other, we’ll do it?
98
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,920
That’s stupid!
99
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:23,920
I’m not gonna go out and kill your mom
because of Investigation Discovery.
100
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,130
It’d be impossible to clear away
the DNA evidence anyway.
101
00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:29,970
Even if I hired someone to kill her,
I’d have to kill them too,
102
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:33,220
because 96% of the time,
they eventually tell the truth.
103
00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,100
I thought this through!
104
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,730
You’re a lousy kid!
I wish Jaden Smith was my son!
105
00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:51,570
Who do our children think they are,
blocking our TV content?
106
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,950
How can they do this
with their smartphones?
107
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,160
It’s all right.
108
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:59,210
Our kids think they outsmarted us,
but we pay the cable company.
109
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,830
Can they remove the parental lock?
110
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:04,880
They did their usual
cable company runaround.
111
00:07:05,590 --> 00:07:07,050
We’ll see about this!
112
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:11,630
Excuse me, our content
is being blocked, and we need it now!
113
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:16,140
Sorry, sir, if you need it now,
you should switch to another company.
114
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,520
There’s not another cable company,
is there?
115
00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:23,020
That’s right.
We’re the only one in town.
116
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:28,190
If our kids can block content,
you must be able to block them.
117
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:30,570
As we told the other, sir, we can.
118
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:34,410
We just send a technician to your house
to change out your cable box.
119
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,240
Great.
120
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:39,950
We need a window of time
you can be home.
121
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,880
How about between 6 am and 3 pm
all of November?
122
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:48,920
I can’t wait around my house
from 6 am to 3 pm all of November!
123
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,180
You can’t?
That’s too bad.
124
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:54,590
You need to be home
for the technician.
125
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,640
How about switching to DirecTV?
126
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:58,600
I can’t afford it.
127
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:00,390
You can’t?
128
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,940
Geez, that’s terrible.
129
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:06,060
You’ll just have to work
within our time windows.
130
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:12,990
Any luck?
131
00:08:13,450 --> 00:08:15,870
Just the usual cable company stuff.
132
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:19,870
Guess we’ll have to live
without our informative crime dramas.
133
00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:21,160
Screw that!
134
00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:25,500
Can we learn this Minecraft game
to get around our kids’ parental lock?
135
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,670
I’ve tried.
It’s not like other video games.
136
00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:32,050
I don’t get it.
It was all retro and like Legos.
137
00:08:32,170 --> 00:08:35,260
Kids online called me a griefer
and kicked me off.
138
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,470
We can learn.
139
00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:39,760
There’s a child.
140
00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:43,310
Word is that he’ll teach Minecraft
to anybody for the right price.
141
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,530
Cory Lanskin?
142
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:56,110
We heard that…
143
00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:58,660
you’re willing
to teach Minecraft to adults?
144
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,330
Fuck off!
145
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,340
We were told you’re available for hire,
and we’re desperate.
146
00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:13,670
You was told wrong.
147
00:09:14,010 --> 00:09:16,840
I’m a simple kid with a simple passion
for simple things.
148
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,850
We have 100 ounces of silver.
149
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,850
Wipe your feet
and turn off your cellphones.
150
00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,770
We’re going to select an empty world.
151
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:34,150
Selecting an empty world will begin
you being dropped onto a beach.
152
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,490
You’re free to roam around
and start punching trees.
153
00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:40,620
– Punching trees?
– Why would we punch trees?
154
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,450
Just use your fucking brain.
How do you get wood?
155
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:47,670
– How do you get wood?
– Watching informative murder porn?
156
00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:50,840
In this Minecraft forest,
how do you get wood?
157
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:52,920
Punching trees?
158
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,050
Right.
159
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:57,880
You punch the trees to get the wood.
You get the wood to build a cabin.
160
00:09:58,010 --> 00:09:59,180
I see.
161
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:03,060
– When does the game start?
– This is the game!
162
00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:07,100
– I don’t get it.
– Because you think like a dad.
163
00:10:07,770 --> 00:10:09,440
Minecraft, it don’t got no winner.
164
00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:11,310
It don’t got no objective.
165
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:15,530
You’re just building shit and seeing
if other things can knock it down.
166
00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:19,610
Now, let’s click on the inventory
and let’s filter through the skins.
167
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,620
– I’m getting it now.
– You are?
168
00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:32,840
It’s getting late.
Let’s just go to sleep.
169
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,670
I almost got it.
170
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,470
I found the horse.
Just gotta figure out how to tame one.
171
00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:39,930
I’m not in the mood now anyway.
172
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:41,840
I miss being intimate with you.
173
00:10:41,970 --> 00:10:44,560
Everything was so passionate,
and it just dropped off.
174
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,850
I feel like we’re losing our bond.
175
00:10:46,970 --> 00:10:50,060
We don’t have to have sex
for our relationship to be good.
176
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:52,690
I know,
but it’s like we’re just good friends.
177
00:10:52,810 --> 00:10:54,770
A marriage has to be more than that.
178
00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:58,570
It has to include fulfillment
of fantasy and desire sometimes.
179
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,950
Magnacube?
What the hell is that?
180
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,780
I’m going to sleep.
181
00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:05,990
I’ll wake you up
if we get our murder porn back.
182
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:12,920
There he is.
183
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,880
The parental lock isn’t working.
Our parents are watching murder porn.
184
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:18,380
How do you know?
185
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:21,760
I caught my parents over Bebe’s house
watching Seductive Homicides.
186
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,140
But Bebe got the lock
from the cable company!
187
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:27,560
I walked in on my parents
watching Marital Murder Mayhem.
188
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,390
They broke the parental lock somehow.
189
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,730
That’s impossible.
You guys set it up right?
190
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:32,770
You guys!
191
00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:34,230
Better get over here.
192
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,020
Butter’s dad killed his mom.
193
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:42,610
What happened?
194
00:11:43,450 --> 00:11:46,580
I was out by the lake last night,
and I saw my dad out in this field.
195
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,120
He was harvesting sugarcane.
196
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,370
It didn’t make any sense,
because he had a hammer.
197
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:55,330
I saw him take my mom up to the top
of this big thing he had built.
198
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:58,460
I yelled, “Watch out for the creepers,”
but she fell!
199
00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:02,590
Wait.
You mean in Minecraft?
200
00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:07,640
Then my dad went berserk,
came over and threw me down a well!
201
00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:10,890
I was trapped down there all night!
202
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:14,650
– Your dad threw you down a well?
– In Minecraft.
203
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,110
What the hell is that?
204
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:19,650
I was able to hoist myself out,
and there was my dad,
205
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,150
frozen in the lake.
206
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,150
He had no idea how to swim out of it.
207
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,700
Oh God, it was so terrible!
208
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:26,820
That’s it.
209
00:12:26,950 --> 00:12:28,990
That’s how our parents
broke the pass code.
210
00:12:29,490 --> 00:12:32,000
I never thought
anyone would stoop so low.
211
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,210
What do you mean?
212
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,370
Somebody’s teaching
our parents Minecraft.
213
00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:45,680
Had an incident last night.
You saw or heard anything?
214
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,680
What happened?
215
00:12:47,970 --> 00:12:50,220
Someone broke into your next door
neighbor’s backyard
216
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:53,020
and dug up a bunch of holes
and punched his trees.
217
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:55,100
Punched his trees?
218
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:59,520
And across the street, someone dug up
the yard and built a cabin.
219
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:01,690
That’s weird.
220
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:04,990
– What were you doing last night?
– I was just playing Mine…
221
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,240
my banjo.
222
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,950
I play the banjo too.
223
00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:11,620
Thanks for your time.
224
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,620
Keep the lights on
in your yard tonight,
225
00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:16,330
in case someone
tries to build a cabin on it as well.
226
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:18,540
Will do, Officer.
227
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,510
Calm down.
I know we’re all concerned.
228
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,550
Concerned?
229
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,050
Thanks to your stupid app,
230
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:29,430
parents are still watching murder porn,
and now screwing up Minecraft too!
231
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,680
I spent three hours last night,
232
00:13:32,810 --> 00:13:35,180
trying to get Tweek’s parents
to stop griefing my castle.
233
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:36,810
When I got away from them,
234
00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:39,020
I found they had taken
all my dandelions.
235
00:13:39,190 --> 00:13:40,860
Why did we agree to that stupid app?
236
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:41,980
You know why!
237
00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,690
We’re trying to keep our parents
from watching murder porn.
238
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:45,860
Why?
239
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,610
Because one kid’s dad killed his mom?
240
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:52,370
For all we know, they were doing drugs
and cheating on each other for years!
241
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:54,830
Maybe murder porn
had nothing to do with it.
242
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:57,120
I agree with Cartman.
243
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,290
Maybe we overreacted
when the parents…
244
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:04,000
It’s true.
245
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:07,550
Maybe we need to trust our parents
won’t act out what they see.
246
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,390
That’s enough.
247
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:12,810
Come on out.
There won’t be any trouble.
248
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:18,890
Give it up, Stotch.
You have nowhere to run.
249
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:22,310
I’ll never give up!
250
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:26,440
I don’t even remember doing this!
Just leave me alone!
251
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,150
Nice one, Stotch!
252
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,320
Your castle fucking sucks!
253
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:33,950
Go to hell, you griefer!
254
00:14:34,870 --> 00:14:36,540
All right, we have to do something.
255
00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:42,130
Cory Lanskin?
256
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:45,840
We heard you might be
teaching Minecraft to adults.
257
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:51,430
Whassa Minecraft?
258
00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:55,310
We’re trying to keep our parents away
from graphic television shows.
259
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,970
It’s a matter of life and death!
260
00:14:57,310 --> 00:15:00,560
Please, don’t be angry.
My mommy always angry.
261
00:15:00,690 --> 00:15:02,060
”Back in the meat locker!”
262
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:04,520
Ouchie, ouchie!
Mommy rape my no-no!
263
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:06,530
But she loves me, right?
Mommy loves me?
264
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:09,450
All right, sorry.
I guess we have the wrong house.
265
00:15:20,790 --> 00:15:23,080
– What, dude?
– Something he said.
266
00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:24,290
Did you hear him?
267
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:27,800
He said, “Ouchie, ouchie,
mommy rape my no-no.”
268
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:28,920
So?
269
00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:33,090
If I’d been caught lying,
that’s exactly what I would have said.
270
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,310
Now that you built a workbench,
271
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:39,730
it’s time to build something
to take care of those fucking sheep.
272
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:43,230
Stop thinking with your grown-up brains
and start using your…
273
00:15:43,690 --> 00:15:44,690
Shit!
274
00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:47,230
Son of a bitch!
275
00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:50,780
There are enough griefers in the world
without our parents being shown this!
276
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:52,910
Kids need to make a living, don’t we?
277
00:15:53,030 --> 00:15:54,950
You have no idea what this is about.
278
00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:58,700
Minecraft was used to block our parents
from spousal homicide shows.
279
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,660
Like Investigation Discovery?
280
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:03,250
– So you know it.
– I’ve seen that stuff.
281
00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:06,380
Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?,
True Crime With Aphrodite Jones.
282
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,090
Real sick shit.
Your parents watch that stuff?
283
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:12,130
We put a stop to it,
until you taught them Minecraft.
284
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,720
Your problem ain’t with me.
285
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,470
One or two people might act out
what they see in video games,
286
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,220
but cable television…
287
00:16:19,850 --> 00:16:22,600
People copy everything
they see people do on cable.
288
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:24,650
You’re going about this all wrong.
289
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:26,610
You wanna protect your family,
290
00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:28,650
you’ll have to go fight
the cable company.
291
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,700
Can I help you?
292
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:40,490
There are certain networks
we see as harmful to our families,
293
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:42,450
and we want them removed, please.
294
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,790
You don’t want cable any more?
295
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:48,920
Just ID Network, A&E,
Oxygen and Oprah’s Network.
296
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,300
The ones with murder porn.
297
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:52,920
You don’t like paying
for all the channels?
298
00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:55,930
Our company
actually packages channels together.
299
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,220
Can you unpackage them,
so we only get the channels we want?
300
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,140
I’m sorry.
Our company doesn’t work that way.
301
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:05,310
You want me to give you the number
of a different cable company that can…
302
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,770
Wait, we’re it, aren’t we?
303
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,400
Dang it.
You’ll have to deal with our packages.
304
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:13,900
Can we talk to your supervisor?
305
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,320
Sure.
Hey, David!
306
00:17:16,610 --> 00:17:18,160
Is there a problem here?
307
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,540
We want specific networks
dropped from our cable.
308
00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:26,620
You have to pay for the bundle,
not just for what you wanna watch.
309
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:27,960
Darn it!
310
00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:30,380
We’re forced
to pay for the Oprah Channel?
311
00:17:30,670 --> 00:17:32,710
If you don’t wanna be forced
to pay for Oprah,
312
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,130
you’ll have to shut off
your cable altogether.
313
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,340
Fine!
We’ll shut our cable off altogether!
314
00:17:37,510 --> 00:17:40,550
Mitch, when can you get out
to shut off some cable boxes?
315
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:43,600
It’s gonna be like three weeks.
316
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,350
There’s a whole plug I have to pull out.
It’s like four-inches long.
317
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,900
Three weeks, huh?
318
00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:51,480
Is three weeks OK with you guys?
319
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:52,940
That’s way too long!
320
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:57,150
– It is?
– Geez, that’s terrible!
321
00:17:57,450 --> 00:18:00,240
I just don’t want my parents
to murder each other!
322
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,580
Can’t you see we’re just trying
to keep our families safe?
323
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:07,120
I don’t know if seeing couples
murder each other on TV
324
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:08,870
will make our parents do it.
325
00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:11,840
And we won’t stop them
from watching what they wanna watch.
326
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,630
We’re just trying
to make it more difficult for them,
327
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,470
because cable makes it so convenient.
328
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:19,970
If they didn’t have easy access to it,
they’d be bummed out,
329
00:18:20,090 --> 00:18:23,760
but it’s not just our responsibility
to give them what they want, is it?
330
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,270
Say that last part again?
331
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:30,480
The last part you said?
332
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:33,150
It’s not our responsibility
to give them what they want…
333
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,230
The part about not getting
the channels easily.
334
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,200
I said it would really bum them out.
335
00:18:40,030 --> 00:18:41,990
How much would it bum them out?
336
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:45,950
Ladies and gentlemen,
please stand by for a message
337
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,370
from the president
of your local cable company.
338
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,500
In an effort to comfort
the cries of children everywhere,
339
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:57,050
your local company
has decided to drop all networks
340
00:18:57,170 --> 00:19:00,680
that sexualize spousal homicides
from regular programming.
341
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,300
Customers still wishing
to view true crime networks
342
00:19:03,430 --> 00:19:06,100
will now need to purchase
a separate package,
343
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,140
which will require a technician
344
00:19:08,270 --> 00:19:10,940
to service your cable box
every night from 2 to 3 am,
345
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:15,070
and must include the purchase
of 300 channels in Portuguese.
346
00:19:15,190 --> 00:19:17,900
We realize this may be
an inconvenience to you.
347
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:21,070
We hope you will voice
all your concerns to us,
348
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,990
because at your local cable company,
the customer is always…
349
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,410
our bitch.
350
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,960
Jaden Smith lets his parents
do whatever they want.
351
00:19:36,630 --> 00:19:40,840
The guys at work took a bet
on who would win in a fight,
352
00:19:40,970 --> 00:19:43,300
and they all said Jaden Smith
can kick your ass.
353
00:19:43,430 --> 00:19:47,430
He does movies and he can sing,
and he’s totally cool to his parents.
354
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,640
Maybe you should go live
with Jaden Smith.
355
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:51,100
I wish I could!
356
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:53,310
I wish I could, so I could be rich!
357
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,650
I wouldn’t have to live
in a boring sexless marriage
358
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:58,230
where all your mom and I do
is piss each other off!
359
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,320
Crap.
360
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,990
– I’m sorry.
– No, you’re right.
361
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:10,200
Without any sex,
we get madder and madder at each other.
362
00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:11,870
No, you’re right.
363
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,540
We don’t need informative murder porn
to find passion in our marriage.
364
00:20:15,670 --> 00:20:17,540
We just have to get the spark back.
365
00:20:17,670 --> 00:20:19,840
Let’s go away somewhere, me and you.
366
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,550
Somewhere exciting and beautiful
where we can focus on us.
367
00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:35,230
Are you here?
368
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,980
– I’m here.
– It’s beautiful, isn’t it?
369
00:20:38,230 --> 00:20:40,280
Come over here.
I built us a fire.
370
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,570
Look what I got you.
371
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,240
Diamonds.
They’re beautiful.
372
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,910
Just thought I’d surprise you.
And there’s more where that came from.
373
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,080
I’ve got a surprise for you too.
374
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:51,910
What’s that?
375
00:20:56,580 --> 00:21:00,340
– What the effing fuck was that?
– Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
376
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:03,050
You stuck a pickax into my skull!
377
00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:05,840
I did!
That felt really great!
378
00:21:05,970 --> 00:21:07,180
Felt great?
379
00:21:07,550 --> 00:21:09,890
Hold on, stay by the lake.
I wanna kill you now.
380
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,110
You put that sword
right through my face!
381
00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:19,770
That felt so good!
382
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:21,730
– My turn again.
– Hang on.
383
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:24,150
I’ve always thought
about murdering you in your sleep.
384
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,280
– Can you get in bed in the cabin?
– I’m heading there now.
385
00:21:27,610 --> 00:21:30,580
You lazy jerk!
You never do anything around the house!
386
00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:33,040
You bitch!
387
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:36,420
– I love you.
– I love you too, babe.
29542
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