Original subtitles

If you're really married, then prove it to me.

Kiss right here and now.

If that's all it takes...

What?!

A kiss? A kiss?!

Doesn't that mean... um...

Oh, yes. I've read somewhere that your first kiss tastes like lemons.

That'll go perfectly with this marinated fish.

Calm down, Yor! Get a hold of yourself!

Here I go.

O-O-O-One second, please.

There is no way I can do this sober.

Fank you for waiting...

Uh... right.

We don't have to do this if you don't want to.

This ish for my sake, as well. I will do my besht.

What are you two whispering about?!

Can you do it or not?!

Prove to me that you're really a married couple!

Keep your mouf shut, Yuri.

We will now show you just how in wuv we are.

Here I come, darling.

Now, cwose your eyes.

S-Sis!

Um... Yor?

SHOW OFF HOW IN LOVE YOU ARE

Sis...

How lewd!

Sis!

Look! I scored the highest in my whole class!

Oh, how wonderful!

I'll reward you with a kiss.

Smooch!

Sis...

When I grow up...

I'm gonna marry you.

Oh, my.

Then I guess I'll just have to wait patiently for you.

...wait patiently for you. ...wait patiently for you.

...wait patiently for you. ...wait patiently for you.

You...

You can't, Sis!

Seeing you kiss another man in front of me is just...

I won't allow—

Oh, I knew it...

I just can't!

—itpppppbt!

No!

Izzit the end of the world?

Huh?! Um, Yuri?

I see how it is, Sis.

You're going to treat me like that just because I tried to stop you from kissing him.

I guess you just couldn't wait to do naughty things with him!

I was a fool to test you.

Perhaps my feelings were what was truly being tested here!

Um... more importantly, you're bleeding.

Loid Forger... You may lay claim on my sister's lips for now.

Wha—

What are you talking about?!

Right... Well, I'll let you off the hook for today.

But just remember—

No, really. You're bleeding.

Is this just normal for the Briars?

Are you all right, Yuri? You're about to fall over.

I'm fine.

Did you really just say that?

Well, so are you, Sis.

Shall I call you a taxi?

I'm fine. You're such a worrywart, Sis.

Whoa, there!

Wipe that smirk off your face!

Are my failures that amusing to you?!

Er, no. I was just admiring what lovely siblings you are.

You must have always been there for each other.

Yuri, thank you for protecting Yor up until now.

I'm sure you've been through many hardships.

I'll also do everything I can to be there for her from now on,

so let's do everything we can to make sure Yor is happy.

Like I'd ever ask for your help!

Forget it! I'm going home!

Feel free to come over anytime!

I'm sure that'll make Yor happy.

You should come when my daughter's awake next time.

Miss Anya was doing everything she could to stay up to meet you.

She's absolutely precious, so I hope you'll play with her.

I don't need him to invite me! I'll be back!

Next time, I'll prove that you're tricking my sister!

I am not being tricked!

Now, hear me, Loid Forger.

If you make my sister cry even a little bit,

I will have you ex—

Um... well, you know.

Just know that you'll rue the day!

Be careful getting home, dear!

Sis!

Be mindful of your yelling! It'll disturb the neighbors!

Was he about to say he'd have me executed?

I should be careful.

Any wiretaps?

Looks like we're clear.

Since he's with the secret police...

Well, because he's her brother, he may just try that.

I need to be on my guard.

Loid, thank you very much.

I'm a bit embarrassed to say so,

but thank you for welcoming him into your family, despite his rudeness.

Yuri clearly loves you very much, Yor.

I don't have any family or friends I can rely on, other than my daughter,

so I admit that I was a little envious of you two.

Loid...

Though my daughter is also just part of a pretend family.

Well, anyway. I'm glad he didn't find out about our pretend marriage.

Yes.

I'm suddenly very tired, now that I'm relieved.

Why don't we head to bed after we clean up?

Er, in separate beds, of course! I'll change things back!

R-Right.

Papa... Pwease save Earth...

Now, Yuri... You'll make me mad if you hit Loid...

I can't remember the last time I felt envious of another.

I should sleep. I'm sure I'm just exhausted.

Yet my mission still continues on tomorrow.

I beg your pardon.

Which way is the station?

Get to the hospital first, pal!

Morning, pwease.

You seem very green today, Papa.

Quit talking in your sleep and go wash your face.

Good morning!

It's too bad you didn't get to meet Yuri yesterday.

Who's that?

Huh?! But she was so looking forward to meeting him!

Things sure did get lively yesterday.

I'm very sorry.

Who'd have thought Yor's brother would be like that?

Oh! Unkie!

And he's part of the secret police, my greatest foe as a spy.

S-Secret police?!

What's that?

"Secret" plus "police"...

That sounds so exciting!

Why didn't you introduce me to him?!

Gimme back the excitement I wasted!

You wanted to meet him that badly?

Well, at least the storm has passed for now.

I need to concentrate on Anya's education.

Come on, hurry up and eat. You'll be late.

Om... nom...

Don't worry, you'll see be able to see him soon.

Has the threat truly passed?

Yor Briar, whose younger brother is a member of the secret police...

Previously, there was nothing suspicious surrounding her.

She didn't seem to know what her brother's true occupation is,

so my intuition says she's still clear.

Besides, if she knew her brother worked at the State Security Service,

there'd be no concern over suspicions arising about her being single.

No, it's dangerous to be too certain.

What if she was just acting and this was all a lie to get closer to me?

Suspect everything, Twilight.

Papa, Mama is...

What is it?

Mama is...

bad at cooking.

So it was obvious that I made breakfast this morning!

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

I did do my best.

Ah, by the way, Yor...

Yes?

Er, I just...

I guess putting a listening device on her is going too far.

No, I need to silence any doubts now.

Even a moment's carelessness could mean death.

It could also mean the lives of tens of thousands of people.

I need to do this to prove Yor's innocence.

You've got something on your neck.

Huh? Thank you very much.

That startled me. I thought he was going to give me a kiss goodbye.

Wha?!

I s-still haven't forgotten about last night...

I can't kiss or even cook.

Loid managed to smooth things over last night,

but I'm probably not acting like a proper wife.

I may be imagining it, but Loid seems a bit more distant today.

Maybe he's gotten sick of me being so disappointing.

I need to be on my guard.

What's the matter, Anya?

Mama and Papa need to get along.

W-Well, we aren't fighting or anything.

Th-That's right.

And you make sure you get along with your classmates.

Yep.

We should get going, too.

Oh, right.

Children are so curiously observant at times.

Hey, Yuri.

Why are you covered in bandages?

Didn't you go celebrate your sister's wedding yesterday?

I don't really remember what happened.

You probably got drunk and picked a fight with her husband.

You really need to quit drinking.

Well, I can't let a guy like that be with my sister.

Was he that disagreeable?

I think...

he was...

a good guy.

But con men and spies always try to act like good people.

That's it! Hopefully he's a spy! Then I can throw him in a cell!

Calm down. Do you have any proof of this?

Shit!

I totally forgot to bug their living room and bedrooms!

Wait, no!

If I happened to hear Sis's voice in those situations,

my heart wouldn't be able to bear it!

Did you give yourself those injuries?

You need to detach from your sister so you can concentrate on your work more.

Our job is to capture

spies from the West, namely, Twilight.

Because that will lead to your sister's safety.

I know that. For now...

Loid Forger, the day you make my sister cry...

What's with her?

She said something like, "I'm a failure of a wife."

Heya.

Oh, Sharon.

Huh? How do you become a good wife?

Are you two not getting along?

Well, it's not exactly that...

It's just... This is my first time being with a man in general,

It's just... This is my first time being with a man in general,

so I'm unsure of how to act.

I was curious when I looked into her past connections,

but I guess Yor has really never dated a man before.

I'm worried that things can't go on like this.

It doesn't help that I can't cook.

Anya's words really got to her.

It appears that Yor is trying to seem more wifely for the sake of our pretend family.

No, wait.

She could also be trying to act like the perfect wife to put one over on me.

It must be rough when your husband is clearly so much better than you.

Why don't you two just call it quits?

Er, I'd like to avoid that.

Yor's relationship with her coworkers seems a bit, er, uh...

Hey, you four!

Hey, you four!

Quit yapping and get to work.

Gah! It's the section chief.

Say, Yor...

Could you go drop this off at the post office for me?

Yes, sir.

I guess I'll have to make a move if I want to clear the air for good.

Come to think of it, Loid and I have separate bank accounts.

If I contributed a bit of my earnings from my actual job,

would I be able to help Loid out?

But I can't make him suspicious of me, either.

Not to mention, I don't think this was really a financial issue...

You there. I'd like to ask you a few questions.

May we have a bit of your time?

Th-The secret police!

D-Did I do something wrong, sir?

Was I being far too suspicious by looking at ads meant for families,

when I'm clearly lacking as a wife?

I-I-I'm married!

We're not hitting on you.

What the hell is this?!

You call me outta nowhere and tell me to dress like this

so we can question your wife?!

Just shut up and follow the plan. This is all for my mission.

I've got nothing to do with that!

We are inspecting the mail.

You just tried to mail this...

But it clearly contains a code meant for the West.

Is the sender, Burns, your superior?

Y-Yes.

What is your name?

Yor Bri—

I-It's Yor Forger.

Well, well, well... Yor Forger, eh?

It clearly states your name right here as a collaborator!

He's really into this.

So you're in cahoots.

I-I have no idea about this. This must be some kind of mistake.

You'd be better off if you told the truth.

Speaking of city hall, someone from the finance department was caught the other day.

Clearly, the corruption within has spread far and wide.

I heard he met a pitiful end.

The intense torture got to him physically and mentally,

and he apparently offed himself in his cell.

And I heard last month, they caught another woman around this chick's age.

You know, that official's secretary.

What kind of characterization is he going for?

Ah, her.

She was freed once we found out she had family in State Security Service.

Man, talk about an awesome benefit.

Our family members can be let off the hook of most allegations.

Enough talking. You'll be coming with us to the station.

If she's aware that Yuri works for the State Security Service,

this will all be solved as soon as she mentions Yuri's name.

There's no reason for her to be secretive to one of his coworkers,

and if she resists, she'll further make us suspicious.

Come on, Yor. If you're in on this, ask your brother for help.

And if you're not...

I...

work hard every day for the citizens of this country.

I would never participate in espionage!

No use playing dumb with us!

Just shut up and come with—

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

I'm quite certain I mentioned that I was married.

Please do not touch me so casually.

You do realize you're putting your family in danger by doing this, don't you?

My younger brother and husband are both kind

and upstanding members of society.

If you ever unjustly harm either of them,

I frankly do not care if I'm dealing with you two.

I will show no mercy!

Hey, Second Lieutenant Mop...

Are you certain about this cipher?

What? Of course I'm—

What the?!

Looking closer, this is clearly not the raccoon cipher.

It's the caterpillar cipher!

If we decode this message...

This is a letter Burns sent to a renowned hemorrhoids doctor.

Huh?

I see. He used a cipher because he was embarrassed.

How confusing.

So, yes, it would appear we had the wrong idea.

Your name isn't on here at all.

You may leave, but make sure you keep quiet about this for Mr. Burns's sake, too.

Well, that was quite the farce.

Considering how she acted, it's pretty clear she has no connections with the secret police.

Hey, come on. Don't tell me you feel guilty for doubting her.

I don't.

I've warned you about this before, but don't develop unnecessary feelings for her.

If you value your life, don't trust anyone.

We have no other way to survive.

Somehow, it's extremely infuriating to hear those words from that face.

But you made that face!

Damn it! I thought I could land a few chicks with that face on.

My precious hot-guy face!

It's a terrible idea to date a woman while deceiving her.

Did you really just say that?

Today was terribly nerve-wracking.

I was almost arrested, meaning not only would I be ruined as a wife,

but I would've destroyed the Forgers.

Oh, hello, Yor.

Loid...

What a coincidence. Why don't we go home together?

Oh? There's something on your collar again, Yor.

I'm so sorry.

Apparently, I'm such a failure as wife that I can't even keep up proper appearances.

Well, if you ask me, Yor...

Perhaps many families throughout this world are somehow putting on an act,

thinking, "A wife should be like this," or, "You're supposed to be the parent."

Of course, I believe that working hard to be your best self is admirable.

But if you dwell on that so much that you lose yourself,

things that should go well might fall apart.

Many people suffering like that come to my hospital all the time.

Putting on an act all the time can become tiring.

Loid...

And that's why I want you to be as you are, Yor.

The more confident you seem, the less people will suspect anything.

And I'm sure Anya will be happier seeing you smile.

Thank you very much. I...

I'm truly grateful that I married you, Loid!

Don't tell me you feel guilty for doubting her.

What did you just throw away?

Oh, just the lint I found on your collar earlier.

More importantly,

we didn't even do anything to celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary.

Why don't we buy some cake on our way home?

That's a lovely idea!

Papa, Mama! I have returned!

Welcome home, Miss Anya.

What's the matter?

Papa and Mama are getting along!

I told you that we were never fighting to begin with.

We have cake, Miss Anya!

I want some cake!

Hey, now. You're going to bother the people downstairs.

THE GREAT DODGEBALL PLAN