Original subtitles

We feel sick, hungry, ooh

la la.

Côte d 'Ivoire.

Paris.

La Lame.

Yes.

Just lay on the back.

Lay on the back.

I'll bring your butt up here a little bit.

It says to have it right on your armchair. That's what it says on page

like that.

Just like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

This is one of my favorites.

I get them all off like this.

Ooh.

Yes, baby.

Oh, God.

Body.

That's the way the book says.

Later.

Okay, get down there. I want you to talk to my dick.

There we go.

Just like that.

You're so good to me.

Oh, come on. Oh, there you go.

Oh, yeah, come for me.

You're going to make him come. He'll talk to you. You talk to him.

Put him in your mouth and every time you'll love him.

I like him in your mouth.

Suck him. Suck him good.

There you go. Suck him.

Suck him there, baby.

Oh, it's so big and so hot.

Oh, my.

Oh, I just love it.

Oh, yeah.

I'll come for you.

Oh, yeah. I'll come. I can come for you. Oh, come for me. Oh,

yeah. Oh,

yeah. Oh, come for me.

Oh, yeah.

He's going to come for you. Oh, yeah. He's going to come for you.

Go just like that.

Oh, yeah. Make him come. Here he comes for you. Here he comes for you.

Checking him off like you mean it.

Tell him you love him.

Tell

him

you love him now.

Tell him you love him. Go easy on him because he's sensitive.

That's the way you like it, huh?

big dick all in your mouth.

You were great.

Simply great.

Man, that was the best.

Great. Excellent. Very good.

Don't you think that was great sex?

It was okay.

Okay.

It was great.

Okay, it was great.

What's your problem?

I mean, it was excellent. What's wrong with you?

Okay, the sex was terrific, but I don't know.

Something's missing.

Missing?

Something missing?

What are you talking about, missing?

I don't know.

Just something.

Uh -huh. There's nothing missing. That was great sex.

You don't have to give me no gruesome details, sugar. I'll tell you exactly

you need.

What you need is some big -time, down -home romancing. That's all.

What do you mean?

Listen, honey child.

What you got yourself is, you got yourself a man. A man that goes by the

A book written by a man -type doctor who thinks himself as some type of expert

on sexual relations, but don't even know the difference between a twat and a

tulip. Speak English, Angel. I don't know what you mean.

All Randy wants is to get his rocks off in 132 positions.

But his book only goes up to 130.

What are the other two?

A back -sided double flip with a twist, Laura.

What's the difference?

All you're getting from Randy is laid.

What you're not getting is what every woman needs.

Romance.

And I know just how to fix that.

Are you going to talk to Randy?

Me? Talk to that cretin?

No way.

You talk to him.

You and I are going to take a trip and find ourselves a suave, continental,

foreign -type gentleman.

Oh, I'm not so sure.

What about my job?

I'll talk to your boss.

Believe me, he'll understand.

And you can take your swimsuit to wear, if you need to wear anything.

And you can tell Randy to take care of it himself.

I'm sure that book of his has a dozen positions for that.

You know, I think I'll call that great new travel agency.

I think it's called...

Romantic Rendezvous Incorporated. And I'll make our reservation.

Any more questions?

I guess not.

Good. Pack your bikini.

We have a very serious problem on our hands.

Our sales have fallen way down.

And our reports indicate that our people...

are not getting the best advice on how to maximize their rendezvous.

And our salespeople do not have the right attitudes, the right

information, or the right experience to help our clients through difficult

moments.

Romantic Rendezvous Incorporated is dedicated

To earning profits.

Profits that pay your salaries.

Which, if things don't change by the end of the week, will not be paid.

Yes, Al?

Why don't we change the name of the company to Super Duper Romantic

Incorporated?

Good as changing our name? If we can't even deliver the goods with the old

Al.

Right.

Tracy!

I have an idea.

Why don't we give them all a going -away present?

Like, why don't we give the ladies a bottle of sexy perfume, and we can give

guys a bottle of macho cologne?

And then we're going to get a call from some client in Pisanti Town who's going

through a personal problem on his rendezvous and Tracy is going to tell

go snip his armpit. Right?

Well, not a good idea?

No.

Why don't we run weekly specials featuring different countries? And that

can... Find out what's romantic in each individual country.

What a really dumb stupid.

I really like that.

Terrifically wonderful idea. I was going to suggest the same thing myself.

You know that might just work, Eric.

You have just been promoted.

Well. From lowly trainee to senior executive trainee.

Thank you. Congratulations.

I think.

We'll start things off with a big promotion on France.

And we'll need one person to run things in every major city.

Starting with Paris.

Well, since it was my idea... Someone with a little experience.

Can I tell you a time when I, uh... Someone with a little class, Al.

Tracy.

You take Paris.

Meeting adjourned.

Tracy, can I see you in my office, please?

Tracy, do you remember last month when I gave you the Marquis de Sade tour?

Yes.

I've had several complaints on your behavior.

Gee, I thought I did real well.

Tracy.

Slapping hands and tweaking ears is not what our clients had in mind when they

signed up for the S &M romantic rendezvous.

Now, let me give you a better idea of what I had in mind.

Well, now this is what.

I have not.

Oh,

Now, I'm not going to do that.

Yeah.

I love it.

I'm sorry we're so fast.

We're very, uh, good.

Oh.

Shit. What the fuck is it?

Oh!

Tracy has a call.

Reservations for Paris?

Business? It's business.

Yeah.

Hello? Yes, I'd like to make a reservation for two, please, for your

rendezvous in Paris.

Where? Two for Paris?

The where?

May I have the name, please?

Certainly. This will be the angel twin, Cece and Deedee.

Twins, but we're not alike.

Big deal.

So you're a little taller.

I have that reservation.

Thank you.

Yes, the angel twins.

Carlton Avenue.

Uh -huh.

Sure.

Confirmation.

Twins, Angel. I don't think they... Don't worry, honey.

I'd tell them there was a honky in the wood pile.

... ... ... ...

Do it again.

That's the word.

Yes, ma 'am.

Thank you, ma 'am.

Hi,

sweetheart. Guess what? I found out what was wrong the other morning. I'm going

to get a quick little part on and let me show you.

What the hell's going on here?

I'm going to go on a trip with Angel.

Where?

Paris. Paris?

What the hell for?

For real, man.

I'm going to find out...

What about me?

Ooh, French Champagne.

Now that's classy.

I didn't know they had Champagne in France.

You have got to be kidding me, Laura.

No, I'm not. I brought my app in California.

Oh, God, Laura, you crack me up.

Let's go out and find some real Frenchmen.

But I haven't looked through my romantic rendezvous guide at Paracel.

Believe me, Laura, I know exactly what a Frenchman looks like.

Oh, bonjour, mademoiselle.

Hi.

We'd like a table.

Wait.

What about all these tables?

Oh,

I'm sure you can find us one.

There's no table at all.

Maybe this one.

Good.

We

don't

have hamburgers.

Oh, fine, fine. I'll have a beluga caviar and a bottle of your finest

You do have good champagne, don't you?

Of course we have champagne.

Good. Laura, what will you have?

I'll have a coconut surprise.

Yes,

it was very good. Thank you.

As a matter of fact, there is something else I'd like.

How about dessert?

Oh, yeah.

What would you like, Laura?

That one.

I

don't

see anything I like.

You don't like that, millefeuille.

Can I get you anything else?

Oh, that's not necessary.

I think I see what I like.

Let me,

I can.

I never wear underwear.

This is what I call it, it's there.

It's there.

Always there.

Oh, it's so deep.

um uh

wondering if you'd do me a little favor.

Go ahead.

Well, actually, today, Amber, I mean, Lynn, is going to give

me my final examination for my becoming full -fledged staff member, and I'm a

little worried about that.

Which part are you worried about?

The oral.

What are friends for?

I'm not going to bite.

What do you want, Al?

Tracy, you have an emergency call from Paris.

A client has a problem and needs to speak with you.

Hello. How can I help you?

I don't know.

The trip doesn't seem to be working out for me.

Oh, I see.

My twin sister?

Oh, yeah, she's having a great time.

She's doing just fine.

I don't know. I just don't know what to do.

Well, I want you to try something.

Okay, and be sure to keep yourself... Oh, I don't know.

Now, what I want you to do is just imagine that romance is like...

a river flowing from within.

And you've got to do it just flowing.

Fuck me.

Yeah. Oh, God.

Oh,

God.

Come on, you bitch.

Come on.

Yeah.

You know I want you to turn me on, don't you?

You're doing it on purpose, I know.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, God, he's good.

Oh, God, come on.

Speed up.

Show him to me.

Yeah.

Come on.

Come on, speed my dick on you, pussy.

Come on.

Yeah, that's it.

You like that, don't you?

You thought I was a little computer boy, huh?

Yeah.

I think you should have no problem.

I got to pack my oil.

And then some.

Thanks for the help.

Because I come from America, I get the green card, and I live in Beverly Hills.

Slow down, Juan Mayor. We haven't even been properly introduced yet. Oh, yes,

I'm sorry. My name is Francois Dubois. I'm from a very good family. My great

-grandfather was one of the generals of Napoleon. Good enough.

We'll pause.

My name is Angel, and this is my sister, my twin sister, Laura.

Twin sister?

Yes. The resemblance is uncanny, isn't it?

You can tell, especially in the nose.

Oh. Yeah.

I believe that Mother wasn't telling the whole truth when she said Daddy wasn't

the only one.

Oh, I don't know that.

Well, don't worry. I'll explain it another time. But listen, you could do

big favor.

Yes. My sister Laura came here to have fun with some French romancing, and I

believe you'd be the number one choice.

Oh, thank you.

How about it? Oh, you mean me and her?

Yeah.

Really? Really.

Okay. Yeah, but what about the cafe?

I'll stay here and clean it up. Don't worry.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's very nice.

Francois, don't you think you ought to put something on?

Yeah.

Okay, Eric, are you ready for your final exam?

I think so.

All right, good.

Now watch closely. You'll be tested on this later.

Al, step back a little.

You're calm, please.

Do you mind if I take notes?

Of course not.

I can't expect you to remember everything the first thing around this

Oh, yeah.

Can I just give them a call?

Yes.

So long.

No.

Amen.

Are you enjoying this?

You want to jump on that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want to look at you on the metro.

Which one?

Oh.

Ah, don't pay any attention to them.

This is nice.

Perfect?

Yes, why not?

Are you nervous?

Nervous? Why are you nervous?

Yeah.

Don't be nervous, don't be shy. Come here.

I'll be gentle.

Oh,

and you left him there in America?

Like what?

Oh,

romance, huh?

That's why you came to France, to find romance.

Go free.

Take it.

I'll lead you right now.

Thank you.

um um

Thank you.

Oh.

um

Thank you.

Ah!

Laura? Randy.

Randy? It's Randy.

It's Viper.

Viper?

Laura?

Francois.

Francois? Randy.

Viper. But what are you doing here?

Oh, sweetheart.

I had to see you.

I wanted to be with you so much. I love you.

I love you.

Would you mind stopping this for a minute?

Thank you. John, come sit down.

I need to talk to you. I'm so glad I saw you.

Excuse me, is anyone here?

Not anymore, no.

Do you mind if I get up? No, no, please go ahead.

I caught you.

Thank you.

Oh

You're married, John.

I knew it.

Shabbat shalom.

Oh, God.

It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

There you go.

Come for me!

Okay, baby. You got it.

Don't kill me first.

God.

Can you hear it go all over your face, baby?

Hit yourself.

Hit yourself.

Want to come to me?

Want to come to me?

Okay, okay, okay.

Want to come to me?

Come on,

friend. Come all over the space too.

Just like that.

All over her face.

Come on.

Okay.