Original subtitles

[ theme song ]

[ sighs ]

It's been a long day, Calvin.

But with the Lord's help, we'll be at the mission soon.

[ burro brays ]

[ grunts ]

Don't move, Parson.

If you don't wanna get hurt, don't move at all.

I don't wanna shoot no Parson.

Ugh!

Benny, you've gotta learn not to give commands in a falterin' voice.

That's how I knew it was you.

Willy?

Willy Cain?

Brother Thaddeus now,

by the Lord's redeemin' grace,

but the same poor sinner I used to be.

This crazy outfit you're wearin'--

it's a joke, ain't it, Willy?

No, no joke, Benny. Here, take it.

Put it away. Behave yourself.

There'll be supper enough for two of us.

Apples and nuts ain't my idea of a fancy breakfast, Willy,

but I gotta admit, you make a real nice cup of coffee.

Well, thanks, Benny.

Willy, how'd you know last night

when you gave me back my gun I wasn't gonna use it on ya?

You must be foolin'. We're old friends.

What's that got to do with it?

Well, you think I was afraid to use it?

I don't wanna hurt your feelings, Benny,

but I just don't believe you're as chockfull of sin and corruption

as you'd like me to believe.

Maybe you just ain't got any talent for it.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

You can find the Grand Teton Hotel

down the street and turn to the left.

It's where most of the big livestock men usually stay,

but most of the tradin' is done in the saloon.

Well, let's be thankful for that.

Yes.

Well, it's a great town we picked this time.

Two more rifles and they could fight a war.

Quit staring, we're supposed to be business men.

Hey, where do you think we'll find Floss?

In the hotel or in the saloon?

I'd say that depends on a couple of things--

how much she misses me or how badly she needs a drink.

I've got a feeling she might be suffering from a little of both.

What's that supposed to be?

Oh, that's, uh...

that's my own special little tribute to payday, Mr. Duffy.

Greatest little invention since, uh, whiskey and women.

How 'bout that, huh?

I wouldn't know, I save my money.

Oh.

Judge Garth said there's something for us to pick up for the mission here.

Is that right? This it?

This is it--

the finest church bell west of the Mississippi,

all crated and ready to go.

It don't weigh more than the back end of a dreadnought.

You can sign for it right here.

Wanna sign it?

Yo.

I've, uh, never tried to lift the back end of a dreadnought, Mr. Duffy,

but, uh, I think you're right.

Just a minute, Steve.

All this takes is a little muscle.

What were you saying about a little muscle?

What's that name people are supposed to call you by now, Willy?

That funny name-- you mentioned it last night, remember?

Yeah, Brother Thaddeus.

Yeah, Brother Thaddeus.

Whatever made you wanna become a priest?

I mean, it's like all of a sudden,

somebody tells ya General Custer

was a full-blooded Comanche Indian, you know?

Well, I'm not a priest, Benny. I'm just a plain lay brother.

Yeah, well, what's that mean?

Well, for us who never went to school too much,

you might say we're the kind that bake the bread,

plant the fields, and do whatever odd jobs come about.

Not much money in it, is there, Willy?

No money at all.

Don't they let you ride a horse, Willy?

No, Benny, I took a vow of poverty,

and now about you, Benny.

What brings you around here?

I'm on my way to meet some, uh,

business associates in Medicine Bow.

Well now, I like ya expressin' business associates.

Benny, if it's the same kind of business ya used to go in for,

you're makin' a mistake.

Not only have they a hard-workin' sheriff in Medicine Bow,

they've got a first-class jail.

It's only been broken out of once.

Yeah, Willy? How do you know?

Willy, I said, "How do you know?"

You just believe me when I tell you that I know.

All right, you can let go down there.

We got it rigged pretty good.

I hope.

Ring it, mister. Will ya?

Haven't got the tongue on it yet,

but it shouldn't take long.

I'm gonna have to smooth this down a little bit, Steve.

Where's the file?

Hey, who's that?

I don't know.

Somethin' familiar about the way the big fella walks--

sorta like a two-legged buffalo.

Hey, Steve. Steve, come here.

Well, I've seen worse lookin' layouts, Willy.

What's the odds against findin' me

a nice, soul-savin' shot of whiskey, huh?

Could that be Willy?

I don't know. I've only seen him once.

I've been tryin' to forget that ever since.

Well, gentlemen.

Father Blaise is inside. He don't feel good.

What's the matter with him?

He's sick. If he wasn't holy,

he'd have died like an old elephant.

That's him all right.

What's he doin' in that outfit?

I don't know,

but whatever he's doin', I'll bet ya it's fishy.

[ knock at door ]

Come.

Oh, Brother Thaddeus.

Brother, forgive me for having to greet you in this way.

Please, Father, don't try to get up.

You are very kind, Brother. Very kind.

And since you are considerably younger and much stronger,

very welcome at this time.

But you must be tired yourself.

Please fetch that chair and sit down.

Yes, Father.

[ church bell rings ]

Did you hear it?

[ continues ringing ]

[ chuckles ] A foolish question.

How could we help but hear it?

It works.

Ya heard it, didn't ya?

You're not kiddin'.

Well, if that won't wake the dead,

it should at least have a helpful effect on the living, eh?

By the way, do you know Judge Garth?

Oh, no, Father.

It was the judge who ordered the bell from San Francisco.

He's been a remarkable friend

to the mission through the years.

You will have to thank him for me when you see him.

I thank him?

Yes.

I'm being called back to pasture, so to speak.

Father Superior's message came only yesterday--

a telegram.

You'll find it on the desk.

It places you in complete charge here at St. Joseph's,

at least until some other arrangement can be made.

Me? In charge?

Yes, and you will also have to take my place teaching school,

but that won't be for long.

There are two nuns coming from a convent in Des Moines--

the Sisters of St. Claire,

both experienced teachers.

But I was only gonna be here for a week

to train some boys in gardenin'

and find a good woman to cook and clean house for ya.

I couldn't possibly teach school.

And why not?

I'm an ignorant man, Father.

I haven't got the education of a well-trained goat,

if you'll forgive me, Father,

and, well, there's one other thing.

It was getting very interesting, Brother, and what else?

Uh...

Uh, nothin', Father.

I mean, nothin' I should trouble you with.

Father, you look tired.

Maybe you ought to rest.

I'm afraid you're right. Thank you.

Willy?

Willy!

Trampas! Hey, Willy!

How are ya?

Well, now how'd you know it was me?

How did I know-- oh, Willy, please.

Would I recognize a horse in a knapsack?

[ chuckles ] Hey, well, what are you doin' in that outfit?

Well, it's on the level, though I can understand your suspicions.

Well, nothin' personal, Willy, it's just that, well, I never expected--

God's been good to me.

As the priest who baptized me said,

"Willie Cain, this may not rank with the conversion of St. Paul,

but it comes with equal surprise."

[ laughs ]

Are you here to see Father Blaise?

Oh, we just put the bell up on the church.

Judge Garth and Father Blaise have been friends for years.

As a matter of fact, the mission's on his property.

Well, bless ya!

Bless ya both!

I didn't know you were Samaritans.

Hey, careful what you call me.

Oh, you remember Steve, don't ya?

We met--

informally, you might say.

I was one of the innocent bystanders

you put through a wall in the Medicine Bow saloon.

Oh, Heaven forgive me.

I wasn't even in the fight!

Now, please, please, come along.

Look, I'll show ya.

Ya both will understand how badly I need your help

when I explain it to ya. Sit down.

Sit down. Sit down.

No, Willy, I think for this I better stand.

Well, I know what you both must be thinkin'.

Willy Cain-- he just don't look right in the habit of St. Francis,

and of course, you're right.

The Lord-- he's not only merciful to poor sinners,

sometimes he seems downright careless

about the people he's got workin' on his side.

I tried to explain to Father Superior.

I said on my first assignment,

away from the monastery that is,

that it might not be a good idea

for me to go this close to Medicine Bow.

You know what I mean?

Uh, yes, Willy, I think we do.

Did you ever tell Father Superior that,

all by yourself, you once wrecked the Medicine Bow saloon,

and that all by yourself, under the influence of demon drink,

you tore it apart like a one-dollar watch?

Or that a few hours after you left the Medicine Bow saloon in splinters,

you became the first man in history to ever break out of the Medicine Bow jail?

I tried to tell him.

I said-- What'd he say?

It isn't what he said, it's what I said.

I said, "I left a few scars in that town the last time I was there."

Well, what did he say to that?

Well, he said,

"Let's not have any foolish scruples

about mistakes long since forgotten."

He said, "You just go up there

and help Father Blaise until he's feelin' better."

You still have the same sheriff here?

Uh, yes, Willy, the same sheriff.

His deputy?

Oh, he went into the feed and grain business for a year or two,

but he's back mindin' the jail now.

Seems it took him that long to regain his confidence.

Oremus.

What is that supposed to mean?

Oh, well, that's Latin, Trampas.

It means "let us pray."

[ church bell ringing ]

Lord, help this least of your stumblin' servants.

Forgive the thousands of times I have offended you.

And assist me in my own block-headed way

to know your will and not my own.

Help Father Blaise get well.

Make me a proper shepherd to those left in my care.

Oh, and please, please, Lord,

don't gamble at trustin' me too far.

You know I haven't got any strength or wisdom of my own.

And one other thing...

[ playing organ ]

Who's there?

Me, Willy.

I'm just testin' the organ.

Don't pump as easy as it should, you know?

[ continues playing ]

That's a nice hymn, Benny.

I didn't know you could play.

I got all kinds of talent, Willy,

but it ain't exactly a hymn.

Fact is, I, uh,

I wrote it for a kind of special friend.

You would have liked her, Willy, in the old days.

Her name is Floss.

[ piano music playing ]

♪ I won't be home for the wedding ♪

♪ I won't be wearin' a veil

♪ For tomorrow they're hangin' poor Billy ♪

♪ High as the flight of a quail ♪

♪ I won't be home for the wedding ♪

♪ I won't be wearin' a veil

♪ For tomorrow they're hangin' poor Billy ♪

♪ High as the flight of a quail ♪

♪ For tomorrow they're hangin' poor Billy ♪

♪ High as the flight of a quail ♪

♪ Some day I'll find Billy's treasure ♪

♪ Somewhere the gold has to be

♪ And if I were dear Billy's widow ♪

♪ They'd have to give it to me

♪ Oh, I won't be home for the wedding ♪

Puttin' up a church bell sure gives a man a thirst.

Got a new singer in here. Sounds pretty good, huh?

♪ For tomorrow they're hangin' poor Billy ♪

Just listen to that.

What's the matter with you?

It's that voice.

It sounds familiar.

♪ High as the flight of a quail ♪

♪ Everyone knows I've been faithful ♪

Hey, now that's all right.

I wonder what her name is.

Floss.

What, do you know her?

I used to.

[ exhales deeply ]

A whiskey.

Uh, beer.

♪ Oh, I won't be home for the wedding ♪

♪ I won't be wearin' a veil

♪ For tomorrow they're hangin' poor Billy ♪

Who's the tall fellow at the end of the bar?

Which one?

The one staring at Floss.

♪ I won't be wearin' a veil

That's what the customers are supposed to do.

Yeah.

But she's not supposed to stare back.

[ cheering and applause ]

Oh, uh, pardon me, my name's Slattery--

here to buy horses for the Army.

The bartender tells me you're top hand at the Shiloh ranch.

Yo.

Pardon me?

Yes, that's right.

Well, I've heard a great deal about Shiloh and the quality of its stock.

How many horses do you think you could provide?

Well, that's hard to say, Mr. Slattery.

It depends on what the Army's lookin' for.

Well, sound saddle stock,

broke and ready for military service,

nothing over nine years old.

Well, you'll have to talk to Judge Garth about that.

He's the owner.

♪ The wedding date...

Charming girl, isn't she?

I think so.

Uh...

I'd like to meet her.

I was wondering if...

well, we are a little ways from Washington DC,

and I thought you might be able to arrange it.

Let's talk about horses, Mr. Slattery.

[ cheering and applause ]

Hi.

Hi.

I've been tryin' for an hour

to think of something real bright to say when you came out,

and all I could think of is you look prettier than ever.

Well, that'll do very nicely.

It's not true, of course, but maybe that's why I like it.

Can I walk you to the hotel?

Sure.

It's been four years since Dallas, Floss.

I know, I counted back real carefully on my fingers.

I had one left over.

[ chuckles ] You were a baby then.

I felt like your aunt!

Well, I never felt like your nephew,

and I never thought of you as my aunt.

You have grown up.

[ chuckles ] Yeah, I'm gonna start shavin' any day now.

Hey, wanna feel my beard?

Uh, no, no, don't tempt me.

[ both chuckle ]

It's, uh, probably none of my business,

but of all the places you could have chosen,

why Medicine Bow?

Well, let's just say it was as far as the train ticket would take me.

That plus needing a job.

Hmm, simple as that, huh?

Well, why not?

Another town, another saloon.

With a crowd like the one tonight,

you just sing a little bit louder and smile a little bit wider.

All right, it isn't the San Francisco Opera House

or any of the other things we talked about.

Whoever does get exactly what they want?

Did you?

Well, you win a few...

lose a few.

Uh...

when can I see you again?

Me? Well, that's easy.

Any night after seven for the price of a beer.

That's not what I mean.

Yeah, I know what you meant.

Trouble is, I'm no better for you now than I was four years ago.

Now you let me worry about that.

Besides, I don't think I bruise too easy...

not anymore.

Well...

Well, you're very sweet,

and you're also--

As I was saying,

when can I see you again?

Well, I'm gonna be rehearsing some new routines next week.

Come by the saloon any afternoon about 2:00.

It won't be busy then.

Isn't there any other place?

Not for us, I'm afraid.

So then he says to me,

"Suppose we just talk about horses, Mr. Slattery."

[ chuckles ]

I thought that was sort of amusing.

Don't you?

Not necessarily.

Naturally, I talked as though I didn't know you

from Queen Victoria's, uh, cat.

Do you?

Yes, ma'am, for over two years--

claws and all.

Yes?

How well, uh, didyou know him?

I already told you.

He was just another cowhand I met in a Texas saloon four years ago.

Well, tell me again.

Tell you what again?

Why, when I asked to meet you, he gave me that funny look

and the Mr. Slattery treatment,

and why was he being such a noble jackass about it?

You're hurting me.

Am I?

Please.

I don't feel like playing games.

[ knock at door ]

Yes?

It's me. Faber.

Look what I found.

Well, Benny, welcome home.

Hello, Benny.

Hi, Floss.

That was real sweet.

Any objection?

No, not with him. He's harmless.

All right, Benny, stop looking as though I tied a knot in your neck.

Have a drink.

How'd you get here?

The hard way--

on a $12 horse and an empty stomach.

Where are all the others?

Dead.

Uh, we made a mistake. It won't happen again.

I told you that town was too big a town.

You bust open a bank in a town like that--

I said we made a mistake.

You think the bank here's any easier?

I'll find out.

From the looks of it, I don't think it is.

You saw the payroll money on that train. Got any better ideas how to get at it?

Why don't you hold up the train before it gets here?

You mean put some logs on the track?

That's right.

Well, don't you suppose that might make the guards on the train

just a little bit suspicious,

and they just might blow our heads off

with those rifles they carry?

[ chuckles ]

Why don't you stick to your singing, sweetheart.

All right, so you figure something out.

[ chuckles ] Or do you like it better being supported by me?

Why don't you move in too, Benny?

What's another mouth to feed?

Uh, well, I didn't know how things were, Floss.

I'll go back out to the mission.

The what?

Yeah, a friend of mine from the old days--

he got religion.

He'll put me up, till you get things organized here.

Well, at the rate things are going here,

don't hold your breath.

Well, so long.

Don't ever talk to me like that again.

Why not? It's true, isn't it?

If I hadn't gotten the job here--

You can leave anytime you want to.

But you won't 'cause without me,

you'd be stuck in a two-bit saloon the rest of your life.

Now go to your room. Art and I have some planning to do.

Well, since you put it so nicely.

Haven't you, uh, forgotten something?

Pleasant dreams.

Dream about money.

I always do.

You know...

one day you're gonna turn around and find a knife in your back.

Floss?

Mm-mm. Benny.

He's stuck on her.

Well, he won't be around that long.

Hi, Willy, how are ya?

Hello, Benny.

Heaven will bless you for the wonderful labor

you performed this last week.

Yeah, well, uh, thanks, Willy.

What are you gonna do now? Teach school?

Advanced English Grammar.

[ chuckles ] What would you know about it?

Well, I'm half a lesson ahead of them.

What's in the letter, Willy?

Oh, it's from Father Blaise. He's back at the monastery.

He sends his "e-ffection-ate" best

and some holy pictures for everybody that's helped at the mission.

He sent what?

Holy pictures.

Oh, and he sent a little St. Francis medal for you, Benny.

[ all clamoring ]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Andrew!

You sit over here. Now sit up straight.

Yes, Brother.

Felix, stop pickin' your nose.

Yes, Brother.

Today we're gonna study nouns and verbs

and all kinds of fancy things.

It's good for the inside of your heads.

Praise God.

You know what I'm talkin' about, Grover?

Yes, Brother, nouns and verbs.

And do you know what nouns and verbs are?

Yes, Brother. A noun is a name of any person, place, or thing.

A verb is a word expressing action, existence, or occurrence.

A proper noun is--Hold it!

Uh-huh.

Uh, uh, that-- that's fine, Grover.

Father Blaise was teaching us about gerunds and gerundives.

Huh?

Gerunds and gerundives, Brother.

Oh, gerunds and gerundives.

Yes.

Well, a smart man-- that Father Blaise.

Like I always say, it don't hurt to know grammar.

Oh, well, uh...

[ clears throat ]

Well, uh, we'll be getting back to the grammar.

First thing, I think we better practice our welcome speech

to Sister St. Luke and Sister St. Jonas.

I mean, well, we don't wanna stand there

with our foot in our mouth

when these holy and learned sisters

come steppin' down off the train, do we?

Now, uh, well, I want you all to repeat after me.

You ready now?

All: Yes, Brother.

"Welcome to the Golden West..."

Welcome to the Golden West....

"and St. Joseph's School, so dear."

and St. Joseph's School, so dear.

"We shall do our very best..."

We shall do our very best...

"...to make you happy here."

...to make you happy here.

That's very good.

I made this up myself.

You don't say.

When are those sisters comin' into town?

Tomorrow, but they're not comin' into town,

they're gonna stop the train for them where it crosses the road,

right over that hill.

How come they get that kind of service?

I guess because they're holy women.

You see, Benny, even on this earth, there's some reward.

Huh?

All right, let's go over those grammar rules again.

Hey, Willy.

I'll see ya later, huh.

I'm gonna go into town.

[ humming ]

♪ Oh, I won't be home for the wedding ♪

♪ I won't be wearin' a veil

♪ For tomorrow they're hangin' poor Billy ♪

♪ High as the flight of a quail ♪

♪ Oh, I won't be home for the wedding ♪

♪ I won't be wearin' a veil

♪ For tomorrow they're hangin' poor Billy ♪

♪ High as the flight of a--

Quail.

I was just dusting.

Really?

Never realized there was that much to it.

Well, how do you like it?

I'm a little curious as to where you learned that song.

I don't remember it among the piano pieces I ordered from St. Louis.

Well, Trampas taught it to me.

Oh.

You're not angry?

No, I'm not angry.

I showed Mr. Faber and Mr. Slattery some of the stock.

They'd like to, uh--

[ chuckles ] What's the matter? Did I interrupt something?

No, we're just having a little musicale.

Oh.

You know, they're hanging poor Billy...

high as the flight of a quail.

[ chuckles ]

Cute song, huh?

Yeah. What did you say about Mr. Slattery?

Oh, yes, he and Mr. Faber would like to see you.

Ask him to come in.

Yes, sir.

You can finish your dusting some other time.

All right.

Judge.

How do you do?How do you do?

Judge Garth.

Fine lot of horses you've got, Judge.

Shall we go into the study?

Oh, we'll only be a moment.

Could you deliver us 200 head within the next three weeks?

Probably. I can guarantee you 150, though.

You just made a deal with the United States Army.

[ chuckles ] There nice people to do business with, I understand.

We'll be back again as soon as we get the papers in order.

Fine. There certainly is a lot of competition

among the ranchers here to sell us their stock.

Yes, I imagine there is.

Well, you'd be amazed at the presents we've been offered,

but then I guess good will is important.

Uh, don't get the wrong idea, Judge.

We turned them down. See you in a week or so.

Good-bye, Judge.

[ door shuts ]

What kind of bone-head move was that with Garth?

You wanna queer the whole thing?

[ chuckles ]

Well, there's no harm in trying.

He's so honest, it's coming out of his ears,

and you tried to put the bite on him.

Well, why did we come out here anyway?

We came out here to make it look legitimate,

and because this is the way to Benny's mission.

Think there's anything in what Benny told you?

Well, we'll find out,

if I'm not arrested first for soliciting bribes.

That's very fine, Benny. Very fine.

Now listen, I don't want any fightin'.

I want you to act like gentlemen.

I beg your pardon, but are you in charge here?

Uh, sort of.

Well, my name's Slattery, and this is Mr. Faber.

Glad to meet ya. My name's Brother Thaddeus.

We heard about your good work out here

and persuaded some of the citizens in town

to take up a little collection.

Uh, please accept this with everyone's best wishes.

Well, bless ya.

Well, bless you both!

[ train whistle blows ]

Oh, excuse me, I have to welcome two holy sisters.

I want to thank you both again.

It's the least we can do for such a worthy cause.

Everybody up, come on!

Follow me!

You could have made your point for less money.

All right now, straighten up.

Straight now.

[ train whistle blows ]

Brush your hair.

[ brakes squeal ]

Sister St. Luke.Yes, Brother.

Welcome! Thank you.

[ drum roll and bugle call ]

What was that?

Well, a little trouble in paradise.

That was supposed to be Gabriel's Horn.

[ drum roll and bugle call ]

Sister Jonas.Yes, Brother.

Well, welcome to St. Joseph's.

Thank you, Brother.

Welcome to the Golden West

and St. Joseph's School, so dear.

We shall do our very best

to make you happy here.

This way, Sisters.

Thank you, Brother.

Thank you, Murphy.

Well, what do you think?

I think for once in his life, Benny was right.

Come on, Calvin.

The only trouble is--

the only thing that proves is that the train will stop for nuns.

What more do you want?

Are you crazy?

Me play the part of a nun?!

Whom would you have play it? Benny? Faber? Me?

But it's blasphemous.

[ chuckles ] Oh, that's a fancy word coming out of you.

All I know is you'll be on that Friday train--

you and the payroll money.

I have a job in the local saloon, remember?

It's been keeping you and Faber in pocket money since you got here.

It's been sweet of you.

Just the same, you'll be quitting your job tomorrow.

You got sick of it, that's all, and you decided to go east.

Um, this will pay for your expenses.

I've been taking a little collection

among all the horse dealers

who've been trying to butter both sides of me--

my own and the Federal Government's.

This will pay for your ticket and the nun's costume.

Now just a minute!

Something wrong?

I'll say there's something wrong.

Tell me about it.

I have got a mind of my own, that's what's wrong.

I am not something you can wind up

and set in motion like a clock!

Please, the neighbors.

After all, as far as this town knows,

we're practically strangers.

You'll have to learn to space your drinks more prudently,

especially in the role you'll be playing.

I bought that bottle. Do you hear me?

I hear you.

I bought it, and I am a big girl.

I bought it with money I made singing cheap songs in cheap saloons,

and for the past two years, in between swindles,

I have been paying for the clothes on your back!

[ crying ]

Your name will be Sister Benedict,

from the same order as Sisters Jonas and St. Luke,

but from a convent in Omaha, not Des Moines.

Brother Thaddeus will receive a telegram the day before

announcing your arrival.

You'll be leaving in the morning.

Well, what kept you?

Dancing girls. They got them all over town.

Free beer on every corner.

Well, yes, Felix, Samson was a figure of history,

but all we can dependably say

is that he was a judge of Israel,

and according to the Old Testament account,

a man of tremendous strength and moral resolution.

Like Brother Thaddeus?

Yes, Felix, it would be hard to think of a more apt example,

especially if Brother Thaddeus were ever to get that angry.

You know, Brother, all that stuff about Rome not being built in a day--

I think if you'd have been there,

they'd have made it.

Oh, Willy, I almost forgot.

Uh, you got a telegram.

For me?

Yo.

"Sister Benedict assigned teaching staff St. Joseph's.

Arrive Friday train. Rev. Mother Mary Jerome."

Well, congratulations, Willy.

You're gonna have a real goin' concern.

Well, they never mentioned another sister to me.

Uh, excuse me.

That'll make three of them now.

Yeah.

How's the romance goin'?

There is no romance.

She, uh, quit her job and left town five days ago.

Where'd she go?

How do I know?

How nice. We can certainly use more help.

If Rev. Mother is sending another sister,

she must think very highly of your school.

Is there anything we can do to help make her welcome?

Well, we can make another banner.

Uh, are you going to have the boys play for her?

Oh, sure.

Enough people get sent here, they'll get to be pretty good.

Uh, excuse me, sisters.

I wonder what she'll be like.

Well, nice of you to join us, Mr. Slattery.

My pleasure, Brother. I take great interest in this mission.

Heaven will bless and reward you, Mr. Slattery.

[ train whistle blows ]

[ drum roll and bugle call ]

[ brakes squeal ]

Thank you.

Say a prayer for me sometime, Sister.

I'll, uh, hurry things along.

[ grunts ]

Easy does it.

Hold it right there.

Put your hands down.

Make one move and my friends start shooting...

right into the crowd.

[ cocks gun ]

You make a move and a lot of people are gonna get hurt.

Ugh.

No, Brother, the children!

Just because you were taken in

doesn't mean that everybody in this town

is as stupid as you are.

The only difference between this big ape

the way he is now and the way he was when he first hit town

is that now he's added grand larceny to his list.

All I ask is you give Willy a chance to explain.

Explain what?

That he's sorry he broke out of my jail two years ago?

That he didn't help plan this robbery?

And know from the very beginning that Sister Benedict

was gonna turn out to be a saloon singer dressed up like a nun?

That's the truth-- I didn't know.

I suppose you didn't know this other fella either. What's his name?

Benny.

Yeah, I knew he was a thief.

I liked him. I thought we were friends.

I'll bet you were friends.

Sheriff, you ain't gettin' no place pickin' on Willy.

Why, we could be using this time

trackin' down Slattery and the rest of them.

I'm gonna track them down, all right, but you're not gonna be along.

Well, it seems to me I got a right to go along.

Don't forget it was me that got hit on the head.

I'm not forgetting. It's gonna be your lady friend we're after.

Well, you think you can't trust me.

I think you should've told me Willy Cain was at the mission

when you first found out.

Joe.

Lock up Willy, and if he so much as blinks at ya, you shoot him.

I sure enough will.

You heard him.

Well, I'm sorry, Trampas.

Would you tell Sister St. Luke and Sister Jonas...

well, never mind.

I'm goin' out and roundin' up a posse.

I suggest you get back to Shiloh and stay there.

Finish it up. We'll get back. It's gettin' late.

Later the better.

Might be a good idea not to go back at all.

You mean that?

No, but it's still a good idea.

Have another?No.

Sure funny about Floss, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a scream.

Oh, come on.

You're not the first man ever to be fooled by a woman.

You're sure not gonna be the last.

Just isn't Floss that fooled me,

I was a sucker for the whole bunch--

Slattery, Benny, Faber.

Ooh, I'd like to get my hands on Faber.

What about Willy?

Think he had something to do with it?

No, I don't think so.

I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

I'm headin' back. You wanna go?

Later.

[ sighs ]

Oh, Lord, my shepherd and my shield,

deliver me from bondage that I may serve you better.

Oh, please, Lord, without violence this time

to the sheriff's deputy,

who's only doin' his duty as he must.

Grant somehow that justice will be done

in this grave matter,

and that the children you've entrusted to my care--

Lord, so soon?

Let's you and me understand each other, Willy.

Yes, sir.

When I unlock that cell,

I want you to walk out,

pick up that tray with both hands,

and then walk back in that cell.

Don't worry, there won't be an violence.

I'll say there won't...

'cause I'm gonna have this rifle

pointed right in the middle of your face.

Now come on out and pick up the tray.

Take it back in the cell.

Bless ya, friend.

Huh?

I said, "Bless ya, friend,"

for your kindness and your devotion to duty.

I still don't trust you.

Understand?

I'd just as soon shoot you as look at ya.

[ whispering ] Thank you, Lord.

Where do you think you're goin'?

Shh! You're gonna wake him up!

Wake who?

The deputy!

Willy, what'd you do to him?

Well, nothin', Trampas. He's asleep.

I don't believe you.

Go ahead, go. Look for yourself.

How did you get out of the cell?

Now, it was just an act of providence.

Well, it's gonna take an act of Congress to keep you from goin' back in there.

Now, Willy, you go on in.

I'm not tryin' to escape.

I'm gonna bring those people back.

Well, you let the posse handle them.

You're posse can't catch cold in the rain.

Believe me, I know.

What makes you think you can do any better,

even if that is what you're after?

Well, I know every hideout in every part of this country.

I know everybody that runs them.

How do I know you're on the level?

Trampas, you saw the way those children looked at me

when the sheriff called me a thief.

You think I could ever sleep again lettin' them believe that about me?

Willy, the last time I tried to help you,

I got in so much trouble that--

Well, then you better shoot me, Trampas.

That's the only way you're gonna stop me.

Bless ya, Trampas.

Hey! Hey, wait for me!

[ whinnies ]

You better know where you're goin'.

Well, I guess we both have to have faith now.

I swear, you were less trouble before you got religion.

Would I lie to you, Willy?

I don't know.

On my mother's grave, they never stopped here!

I never saw the beautiful dancehall woman, and I never saw the three men!

Well, bless ya for thinkin' of your mother, Tom.

You know something, Willy,

if we get caught before we find them,

there isn't anybody in the whole world that's gonna believe us.

Yeah, that's the way of the world, Trampas.

You can only do what's right and hope people understand.

So far it hasn't paid off too good.

You feel right about what you're doin', don't ya?

Yeah, I guess so.

Well then. Well then what?

We tried four places, and all your old pals say they haven't seen them.

Willy, they could be long gone by now.

No, no, no, uh-uh.

You see, they need food, need a place to rest.

They can't ride day and night with a woman along.

You just remember what the Lord told us--

"Ask and you shall receive;

seek and you shall find."

[ sighs ]

Well, how many more places you got left to try?

Well, just one.

Well, fine, fine.

We bust into one more place,

you grab the fella by the collar, and you ask him--

No, we don't bust in here. This place is different.

Why not?Because they can see us comin' a mile off.

You better let me do this one alone.

No deal, Willy.

You don't have to prove you're brave, Trampas.

I'm not brave.

I just don't know if I can trust you out of my sight.

No, sir, Willy.

When that sheriff locks the key on that cell,

I don't intend to be sittin' there all alone.

Coach Leaving!

Hey, yo!

Hiyah!

[ whistles ]

Everything quiet up there?

What do you expect them to do? Throw a party?

There won't be another one along for a week.

We'll be out of here by then.

When do we split up the money, Slattery?

When we get out of here.

I could use some now, you know.

I know you could-- to buy some liquor with.

That's why you're not gonna see any yet.

I'll get rid of this.

Good, it gives me the creeps.

I thought you looked kinda pretty in it.

That nice conductor gave me goose bumps

when he asked me to say a prayer for him.

I couldn't even look at him.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I felt kinda bad about Willy too.

He's the best friend I had.

Stupid maybe, but he had a lot of class.

Well, maybe we're both getting soft, Benny.

You dreamed up the whole thing about the train.

If he was such a good friend, what made you do it?

I don't know, I guess I wanted to be a big man.

To impress Homer and Art?

Not them so much, you.

[ chuckles ] You're sweet, Benny.

"You're sweet, Benny."

Benny.

You think you could get me a drink?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure, Floss.

This may come as a surprise to you,

but you know it gets hot up here.

How soon till I get relieved?

I'll send Benny out when it's time.

Say, uh...

when are you gonna get rid of him?

When we leave here.

Hi, Harry. How 'bout a drink?

Ask your boss.

Slattery ain't my boss.

He pays the bill. That's all I know.

One bottle, Harry.

Slattery said no drinks.

Uh...

unless, uh, unless maybe, uh,

you got money to pay for it.

It ain't enough.

Harry, please.

Beat it.

How 'bout this, Harry?

Solid gold.

It ain't gold.

I know that, but what is it?

Bring ya luck.

Where'd you get it?

Holy man gave it to me-- Brother Thaddeus.

Yeah, Harry? Huh?

One bottle.

Thanks, Harry.

Bring them back.

[ horse whinnies ]

Hey, Slattery, somebody's comin'.

It can't be.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Come on.

Harry. Harry!

Yeah, what?

Two men are on their way up here looking for us.

Get rid of them.

Uh, yeah.

♪ I won't be home for the wedding ♪

♪ I won't be wearing a veil

♪ For tomorrow they're hanging-- ♪

You're in good voice. I can hear you at the bottom of the steps.

Having a nice little party, huh?

Well, we had to do something, just sitting around here.

The party's over.

Benny, I'll talk to you later.

Your fat friend's on his way here.

What do ya know, Floss' fella is with him.

Easy there.

If he gets a look at you, I've got to kill him.

I may anyway.

Harry can handle him.

You better hope so.

Now everybody be nice and quiet.

You know the fella that runs it?

Yeah, we're old friends.

Then you can trust him then.

Of course not.

Harry!

Willy.

Willy Cain.

What are you doin' in that disguise?

It's no disguise. I'm in the service of our Lord.

No foolin'?

This is a friend of mine-- Trampas.

Hi, Harry.

Any friend of Willy's is a friend of mine.

Well, what do they call you now?

Well, they've given me the name of Brother Thaddeus.

Willy! Willy, is this true?

It's as true as Gabriel's Horn.

What are you doin' way out here?

We're lookin' for three men and a woman. They robbed a train.

Oh, I thought you was in the service of the Lord, not the law.

Well, in this case, it's one and the same thing.

They been by here, Harry?

[ chuckles ]

You know me better than that, Willy.

I couldn't tell ya if they was right upstairs.

Then you won't mind if I look?

Help yourself.

Uh, how 'bout a-- how 'bout a drink first?

Old times sake.

I don't touch it anymore.

I do.

Well, it's been a long ride. I could sure use one.

They'll be up here in a minute.

Get Willy a cup of coffee.

Sure, Harry.

Thanks. Yes.

Oh, Willy, it's been a long time.

Indeed it has.

A whole lifetime.

Well, here's hopin' you find who you're lookin' for.

I'll drink to that.

Uh, have another.

Uh, no, thanks.

One makes me brave, and two makes me foolish.

Come on, Willy, let's get it over with.

Oh, I was only jokin' with Harry.

If they'd really been here, I'd have known it the minute I looked at you.

[ chuckles ]

Good old Willy-- He can read me like a book.

Well, it's been nice talkin' to ya. Edna.

We'll just water our horses and be on our way.

Yeah, well, uh, good luck, Willy.

With friends like you, I already got it.

I can't understand you, Willy.

One minute you wanna search the place,

and then all of a sudden--

I didn't have to. They're there.

Come on.

Glad to get rid of them.

Where'd you get this thing?

Hmm?Where'd you get this thing?

Oh, Benny gave it to me. Why?

I noticed Willy starin' at it.

Yeah, well he--

Holy...

That's where Benny said he got it.

He told me a Brother Thaddeus gave it to him.

That's--that's Willy!

No wonder Willy was starin' at it.

He knows they're up there.

Hold on.

We just let them think we're leavin'.

You're sure they're inside?

Unless Harry's changed his ways since last I saw him,

they're there.

[ gunshot ]

[ horse whinnies ]

I see he hasn't!

[ gunshot ]

[ gunshot ]

[ gunshot ]

[ gunshot ]

[ gunshot ]

[ gunshot ]

[ gunshots ]

[ cocks rifle ]

[ gunshot ]

Benny.

[ gunshots ]

Cover me. I'm goin' around back.

Yo.

[ gunshots ]

[ gunshots ]

[ gunshot ]

[ horse whinnies ]

[ gunshots ]

[ gun clicks ]

[ groans ]

Do--Don't shoot.

[ sighs ]

You ought to take better care of that, Benny.

[ sighs ]

I'm sorry, Floss.

[ chuckles ]

No chance of talking my way out of this, is there?

Well, I didn't think so. You ought to give Benny a break, though.

He shot Faber when he was sneaking up on you two.

Yes, I know. I'll tell the sheriff.

Put in a good word for me too, huh?

Just for old times sake?

Sure.

That was very good, children.

Sister, Brother Thaddeus is here!

Is everything all right?

Everything's just fine, Sister. Just a little misunderstandin'.

That man-- uh, Benny--

and the woman posing as Sister Benedict-- what happened to them?

Well, we just dropped them off in town.

They're gonna have a few years to repent their sins in peace and quiet.

Well, uh, good-bye, sisters.

Willy--

Brother Thaddeus.

Good-bye, Trampas.

Oh!

[ children clamoring ]

Glad you're back!