Original subtitles

Can you... Can you hear me from there?

Can you hear me from there?

These things are amazing.

This was the best thing we ever bought.

Can you hear me?

You don't... You don't have to test...

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Sorry. We're making a movie.

So are we.

You're making a movie too?

Yeah. About what?

It's a horror film.

- You're kidding me. - No.

We're making a movie about bullies in our school.

— Oh. - What's your movie about?

Ours... Okay, so ours is about this monster.

And he is killing... So, basically,

our last... We just...

So, basically, he's, umm, he's a murderer.

And there's this secret government agency.

And they were sent out to, umm, find the killer

and, umm, arrest him,

'cause they don't know it's a monster

until they find out later.

Then there's also these two detectives

who, uhh, are now dead but are... And they're from England.

And they both got brutally murdered in a forest.

This is insane.

Yeah.

Our movie is about two students in a school

who get bullied by this gang called The Dirties.

And so, they decide to take revenge on them by...

Killing them.

Yeah, they basically get this huge military gun.

And they go out and they snipe them from a long way away.

And they go to this club called The Rectum.

And they kill them there.

Whoa.

Yeah, you'll... Oh, it's amazing.

They're... It's the same club from Irreversible.

And then there's a scene where they're doing...

Where The Dirties are doing cocaine.

And we jump in with guns.

And we're, like, "Die, you cocksucker motherfucker!"

Like that line from Usual Suspects.

He plays the other guy.

Yeah, I'm the other guy.

And there's... We have a scene where, uhh... Hold on a second.

There's a scene where...

I've got to go, Paddy.

What? I know. I'm coming, one second.

It's okay. We got to go too.

It's incomplete. Take the script.

Hey, our movie's called The Dirties.

Yours is called The Visitor?

Yeah.

It's nice meeting you guys.

It's not done. Nice meeting you.

I hope your movie's wicked.

Just give me, like, 30 seconds.

You know what you need to get? Wireless mics.

Okay, it's not complete though.

Peace.

Now, who do those kids remind you of?

You're the one with the braces.

I'm the smart one who wrote this script.

That's us. You know what we should have told them?

It gets better.

But that's a lie.

Straight up lie to them.

Huge lie.

We should have told them "Stop now..." It gets worse...

Stop now! And worse and worse.

If I was the last woman on Earth...

You'd still be a man.

All right, all right, all right.

All right, Rouch, two tangos out front, let's go.

I say we blow that faggot's dick off,

the one with the green bandana. He won't be fucking tonight.

It's a tough shot.

His dick looks to be the size of a small pepper.

This movie is going to be so good.

Let's go.

Yeah, I'm ready.

Okay, action. Action, action.

What are you doing? I thought we had it.

Jared, come on, man. Okay, go up against this thing.

Okay, detectives, detectives.

Okay, action.

You know what they call

a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?

They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with Cheese?

No, you idiot.

They call it a Royale with Cheese

because of the metric system.

"Royale with Cheese“? Then what do you they call a Whopper?

They call it a Royale with...

I should be doing this whole thing as Bane.

They call it a Royale with Cheese!

Hold on.

Dirties, watch out.

Ooh!

You okay, buddy?

Fuck.

Sorry about that.

Thanks. You all right?

Yeah, thanks.

Let go of my hand, buddy.

Well, I'm... What are you doing? What are you doing?

Let go of my hand.

Let go of his hand. It's over.

I'm not... I'm not holding...

You got a crush on me?

I'm not hold... I'm not holding your hand.

He wants to hold your hand, man, shit.

Let go of my hand.

Dude, I'm not holding your hand. I'm not holding your hand!

Oh, you want to do a little pulling?

You take care of this man right here.

Hey, can we interview any of you... any of you guys

for a movie we're making? It's so easy.

We just ask you questions about bullies. That's all.

It's fun.

I can do it, yeah.

Yeah, it's simple. And it's kind of fun.

You get to wear a wireless microphone.

Oh, God. I just, like, attach it to your shirt or something?

Yeah.

Uh—oh.

This things are really wicked.

Okay.

Uhh, so can you tell us what...

What do you think about bullying in general?

Uhh...

Apart from that it sucks. Actually, no...

Yeah, that's all I can think of saying, actually.

I was going to say what advice do you have

for people who get bullied a lot?

Umm...

Well, you got to talk to somebody?

Like, and there are many, many teachers that you can talk to,

both genders.

There's lots of support, certainly in this school.

But I think just about in every school,

there's certainly, uhh, kids know who's...

Who's safe, I think, in terms of teachers.

And if they don't, they've just got to take that leap.

It's, like, uhh, probably the, you know,

it's a big step they got to take.

Teachers don't really do much

'cause there's been, like, fights breaking out in the hall.

And the teachers try to get involved.

And somebody will, like, punch the teacher, so...

I don't know, just if you can't talk to them

and they're keeping it up, no one wants to help you,

then I guess you're up to...

Fight back. I don't know, like, you have to.

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

You know, if people don't get this,

it is going to backfire so hard. I'm going to get beaten up.

You already get beaten up all the time.

I'm going to get beaten to death, if they see this.

I'm going to get beaten to death.

Why don't we... Listen to this.

Why don't we just get a real girl?

We bring the cameras to class.

And we film Chrissy after she's done her presentation.

And we just put that, wholesale, into the movie.

So, this is Krissy B. and Chrissy H.

Hi.

And this is our project for film class.

Come with us. Let's go.

We're going to kill these guys.

Guys, shut up.

Fuck.

The Dirties is going to kill this.

Hey, Matt, you want to shut up?

Fuck you.

My fashion?

Your fashion.

Umm, well...

Pussy, pussy, pussy. Pussy, pussy, pussy.

Well, when I was younger, my sister,

she was older than me.

But she's not a celebrity, I don't think.

Oh, you said “Celebrity...

Move your big fucking head.

Matt? You like big dicks?

Hey, yo, what size are your mom's tits?

Okay, good. Evan, can you get the lights, please?

Excellent, okay.

So, folks, do we have any questions for these ladies

about the film?

About their movie?

Anyone have any questions? Matt?

Matt, big Matt.

Yeah, I was wondering why you shouted

"Help, please save me“ in the movie.

What?

Why did you shout, uhh, "Help, please save me"?

I didn't say that.

Didn't say what?

Sorry?

I didn't say that.

Didn't say what?

I didn't say “Help, please save me...

Didn't say that.

Help, please save... Help, please save me.

Purple glove!

Don't let them detectives anywhere near this compound.

This my house!

Help, please save me.

Yo, bitch, shut the fuck... Are you kidding me?

You want a taste of purple glove?

You don't think this is funny?

We can't use this.

Why? It's hilarious.

Chrissy's going to flip her noodle

when she sees this.

What do we care what Chrissy thinks about this movie?

Of course she's going to be mad. We stole her image.

So, then let's take it out.

I don't think that... it's good if she's mad.

What... You were behind this before.

It's bad... It's bad if Chrissy

flips out.

No, it's bad for you.

It's bad for you, yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm fucking with your mic.

You're letting your hopeless crush

get in the way of our movie.

It's not a hopeless crush.

In Grade Three, she gave a note to her friend to give to me

that said "I like you as a ten out of ten."

Bullshit.

It's not bullshit. That happened in Grade Three.

You're making this up 'cause you want me to take out the shot.

You want... You want me to think that you have a chance with...

No, I'm telling you the truth,

which is why I want you to take out the shot.

Hot Chrissy had a crush on you

in Grade Three?

Yeah, a long time ago, but yeah.

What happened? You flip your noodle?

One more time, okay, riverbank scene Foley, take two,

old man passing by off-screen with change in his pockets.

Hey, give that back! Get down from there!

All right. Oh, I haven't eaten in days.

Get away from here, beggar! You're not welcome!

All right, fine. I'll go.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

This is background character voices.

It's Foley, like in Baldur's Gate

how, like, when you pass by the inn,

they always had that conversation

between the two people.

"Well, I just got into town and I don't...“ and it drifts.

You know what I mean? It kind of fades out.

There's video game characters in the background of every scene.

This is old beggar and seagull.

Hey, well, that bird has my supper then. Here we are.

Don't laugh. Dude, I've got to get a clean take.

Stop laughing. You don't understand how Foley works.

Why are you in your underwear? It's Foley.

You know what, if Chrissy actually had a crush on you,

we could have just asked her to be in the movie for real.

She doesn't still have a crush on me.

Yeah, but maybe she does. She liked you in Grade Three.

That stuff doesn't just go away.

How's... How could we figure out if she still likes you?

I know what we do! We will put a microphone on her locker!

That's what... That's a great idea! That's not crazy!

If we put a microphone on her locker,

and then we'll get Owen to walk by,

like that.

And then she'll say either "Oh my God, there goes Owen"

or "This fucking faggot, get him out of there."

Yeah, that's actually a pretty good plan.

And you do that walk from Malcolm X.

Do you know that one that Spike Lee teaches Denzel?

And then in Grade... I don't know what grade.

This girl was 16 or something.

She got this butterfly tattoo.

Now she has... It's very cartoonish.

I don't like it at all.

It didn't take. It didn't take. They didn't notice.

Oh, they didn't notice. They didn't notice.

Remember, grab the brim and swing that arm like that.

Go. Go, go, go.

I don't know.

I didn't think about that.

I think... You know that, I think I want to...

I think I'm going to have to have

a hunt down thing this year,

'cause last year is when I did it all the way down.

You can hear everything they're saying.

These... This girl is so stupid.

Oh, shut up.

He didn't bring one.

Hey, Chrissy, there's your boyfriend.

Eww. Owen?

It would have been better if they didn't laugh

like it was a joke afterwards.

Okay, so, uhh, so, The Dirties, what am I supposed to say?

You say “The Dirties? You let me worry about the The Dirties.

You two work on your grades. You're both flunk... failing."

The Dirties? You let me worry about The Dirties.

You work on your grades. You're both... Uhh, failing?

Yeah.

And then we're going to go back...

"Listen, the deputy wants this case!"

“The deputy“? Deputy doesn't want this case.

Your own teacher's telling me to do you on this.

I told you this guy's useless.

Listen, why don't you go and...

Why don't you go above the deputy's head?

Chain of command.

Told you this guy's useless.

That's it!

Give me your badges.

And now... Ah!

"NO" or "Ah"?

Go "Ah!"

Ah!

Mr. Muldoon?

Okay, come on.

Get it from...

Get it from the exact same angle that you had it from before

so that we're in the exact same spot.

Okay.

Is this right?

Yeah.

Well, where... What did I say? What did he say?

When he says "Chain of command", we say "This guy's useless.“

Let me do my McNulty line first.

God, this is going to be fucking amazing.

You know what's amazing?

Is that even after all these years,

Kurt Cobain still looks better than Courtney Love.

“Kurt Cobain still looks better...“

It's not original. It's stolen. It's stolen.

Well, well, well, Matt and Owen.

Hey, Owen, tell your mom I had a good time in her bed last night.

Matt, have you tried her apple custard?

Ugh.

Who is this guy?

It was delicious.

I'll bet, man.

What the fuck is he talking about? "Her apple custard“?

You on us?

This is supposed to do look really cinematic, this shot,

'cause it's the last shot of the movie.

That's it.

The Dirties... The Dirties...

You know what's so funny? I can't...

I'm so excited about this being the last shot,

I'm thinking about... I know. I want to do it too.

But what do you... What do you think about this for an idea:

if at the end of this, we shoot a montage of us, like,

jumping around, exciting and celebrating this?

Celebrating finishing the movie?

And we can put in that wicked song by "Best Coast".

♪ The world is lazy

I But you and me

♪“ We're just crazy

J“ 80 when I'm with you I have fun I“

♪ And when I'm with you, I have fun ♪

♪ Every since I was

♪ A little girl

♪“ My mama always told me there'd be ♪

♪ Boys like you

I So, when I'm with you

♪ I have fun

♪ Yeah, when I'm with you, I have fun I

Come on, Rouch. There they are, man.

Now stay low. And keep quiet.

All right, we got three footlongs going east

in front of the school, all smoking.

Use the smoke for wind-age.

Hit man 225, this is hit man 3-Romeo-Actual.

We have contact with Dirties, 245 yards.

All right, Rouch, that dirty with the green bandana,

let's blow his dick off.

Should be a tough shot, 400 yards.

And his dick looks to be the size of a small pepper.

Take down these faggots.

Don'. ..Don't say "Faggot".

♪"

That's me doing The Joker from Dark Knight.

Let's try this out. Let's find the most women.

Yo, you get the stuff? Oh!

The Dirties.

Give me the keys, cock sucking motherfucker.

Give me the keys, you cock sucking motherfucker!

Ah! Ah!

What am I going to do with you guys?

The fucking Dirties are running this school,

you stupid motherfucker.

The Dirties? You let me worry about The Dirties.

You should be worrying about yourselves.

Did you know you're both failing?

Oh, we're failing?

Guess what, newsflash: We don't give a fuck, man.

We're out here to kill.

Too many extracurriculars, Matt.

"Too many extracurriculars"? "Too many extracurriculars"?

We need to get the fucking Dirties.

And then we're going to fucking come for you,

you son of a bitch.

Chain of command.

This guy was fucking useless. He's a bureaucrat.

That's it. Give me your badges.

"Badges"? "Badges"?

We don't need no stinking badges!

Give me the keys, you cocksucker motherfucker!

Uhh, okay, umm,

you guys got to make some changes.

Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

You got to make some changes.

You got to cut the swearing. Uhh, the guns have got to go.

No, no. We can bleep the swearing.

The guns have got to go.

I don't think we can have a film

where you're shooting your teacher.

I don't think that works either.

You're going to gut it!

You're talking about gutting the movie!

I'm not gutting... I'm not gutting it.

Listen. Think of it like this.

You've made an R-rated movie. You're the directors.

That's your director's cut, okay?

Now think of it like I'm your producer.

And I'm saying "Listen."

"If you want to get it into theatres,

"we need to put a PG rating on it,

“PG-13." You got to take all that stuff out.

Take a chance with us. Take a risk.

Take a risk with us.

Okay... Come on!

Listen. Here's what we're going to do.

You guys are going to take this... this footage, okay...

You've got... you've got a great rough cut.

You're going to take out that stuff.

You're going to bring it tomorrow.

You're going to show me a better version

without all that stuff in it, okay?

Just... You're going to tighten it up.

The challenge for you is to make...

Okay, folks, can I have your attention, please?

Can I have your attention up here?

Teacher teaching class now. Thank you. Quiet, please.

Okay, we got something really exciting for you today.

Matt and Owen have made... made a bit of an epic for you guys.

Uhh, I, uhh, I saw a sneak peek the other day.

And it was extreme but, uhh, but really great stuff.

Umm, it's got everything.

It's action, comedy, uhh, bit of a romance

and a bit of a gender-bender.

Genre-bender, it's a genre-bender.

What's that?

It's a... It's a genre-bender.

Genre-bender. Do you...

Do you guys want to come and talk about it a little bit? No?

Okay, so, uhh, then without further ado,

uhh, let's... let's go. Can we have the lights, please?

Okay.

Ready?

Okay.

Are you fucking kidding me?

"The Dirties"!

Thanks for meeting me on such short notice, rookie.

I just don't trust 'em.

The park was the only place I could think of.

I need to know I can trust you.

Of course you can trust me.

Will you sign a blood oath with me?

Show me the knife.

“This is Detective Johnson.“

Guys, just watch... watch the... watch the piece, okay?

No going back now, rookie.

They're going to share AIDS.

You sure The Dirties are here?

This is the place, the Rectum Lounge.

It's going to be awkward.

I used to date one of the singers here.

I hear she's a knockout.

Shut up, man. That's my wife.

What is this movie?

Can we please be quiet?

Let's give them our attention, please.

This place has character.

But I don't think it's the hideout of The Dirties.

That's my girl.

She's probably doesn't even recognize me.

We both look like different people.

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

That's you? That's you?

♪ Malkovich

Matt, come on! Come on!

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

It's like she's trying to signal us.

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

♪"

What the fuck? What the fuck?

Fuck you, Dirties! Fuck you!

Fuck. Fuck.

Dude, are you okay?

Fuck away from me.

Is it bleeding? Is it bleeding?

Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!

Fuck.

Dude, let me see. Let me see.

No, fuck off.

What are you mad at me for?

I'm just... Just don't touch me.

Did you see that?

No. What happened?

My friend got hit with a rock.

Come on, let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Come on!

Okay. Fuck.

Goddamn.

Do you need help?

Uhh, he's okay. I'm okay.

He just got hit.

Hit by what?

By a stone.

Fuck.

Fuck!

What we should have done is just actually shot those guys.

If we'd actually just gone and killed all The Dirties,

you imagine that... If we showed that movie to class? Oh my God.

What? A movie of everybody dead?

No! If you go... If we went in... We...

If we just went and shot... What did Muldoon say?

You can't... This... You can't make a school shooting movie?

If we made a movie where we went in

and we just shot the bad guys...

Yeah, that's what we did in our movie.

But if we actually did it,

if we actually went with real guns

and actually killed only the bad guys

but we just blew them away, all on camera,

Muldoon's, like, “You know guys, this is really...

You didn't listen to me."

Yeah.

"I thought I said it was too dark before

“when you were pretending to kill these guys.

“Now you actually kill them?

Oh, you're actually going to kill these guys."

Oh, that's funny.

Oh, this is so sick.

And the key is going to be making sure

that everybody knows we're just there for The Dirties.

They know that we're just there to get the bad guys.

And we could wear... We could wear shirts that are, like,

"We're just here for the bad guys." We have a megaphone.

It's, like, “Everybody... Everybody, don't worry."

"I know we look dangerous. And we are.

“But we're not here to kill anybody who didn't bully us.

“If you bullied us, holy shit,

you should be scared..." “You're going to fucking die."

”Cause we are actually going to kill you."

Actually, this is a wicked idea.

We got to write this stuff down: The Dirties 2.

Oh, my God.

You guys want some popcorn?

She probably doesn't even recognize me.

We both look like different people.

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

♪ Malkovich

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

♪ Malkovich, Malkovich

That's another thing about writing songs: even any...

Owen, what about this?

For the shooting?

I guess it's not safe because this...

What are we... We're promoting a choking hazard.

What did they say as a kid? You'll die?

Bags used to say that.

"Put this over a child's head and the child will die."

They say you'll suffocate.

Will suffocate. Well, what the hell is this?

I'm fine.

What about this shirt? Is this shirt too much?

Wear tearaways, both of us wear tearaways,

until we walk into the school.

And people are, like, "Oh my God, look at those gay tearaways."

And we're like...

Is this a perfect...

Crazy killers always obsessed with Catcher in the Rye.

I like how you're wearing that hunting hat

the way you like it. No, wrong. That's better.

The point is isn't this wicked?

Yes.

School shooting...

The Catcher in the Rye themed school shooting...

It's like we're planning a prom.

Nice.

Pass it.

No!

Keep it here.

I hate this stupid game. This makes no fucking sense.

We're trying to make this play.

Great.

Just any pair of jeans and any shirt.

Can you bring two?

Can you bring some for Owen too?

No, my phone got soaked.

That's why I'm calling you on a payphone.

No, I didn't... No, I didn't do it. Mom, Mom, Mom...

No, it just got thrown in the toilet.

I'm telling you that's why I'm calling you on a payphone.

Just... Can you brings clothes to the school?

I'm in my gym clothes. Thank you.

Fucking bitch.

“Did you... Why is your phone wet?

“Why don't you call me on your cell phone?

Why didn't you call me on your cell phone?"

Okay, well, Matt, is she bringing them now?

Yeah, go to class. I'll wait here for her.

Oh yeah? What's this, motherfucker?

What the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? Who did this?

You did? Well...

Hi.

I'm trying to get blueprints of my high school

for a school project I'm doing. It's called Westmount High.

You're looking just for the plans?

Yeah.

If you ask the guy at reception

he'll give you the number for records.

Thank you so much.

Hi.

I'm trying to get blueprints of my school, uhh,

for a project I'm doing.

Blueprints of your school...

For 17... But sometimes, if you do school, condos, hospitals...

Okay, thanks a lot, man. See you.

Is it not at all a concern, do you think,

that they gave me everything with no...

I didn't even have to show them my student card.

They gave me everything.

How much does it cost to print this?

What was the name of that guy who threw the rock at... Owen?

My left. No, wait, your left.

My left as well?

Yeah.

Just don't make it obvious. Don't... Don't make it obvious.

I don't care. Is she going to see me at this length?

I have no idea.

I'm just an appreciator. It's like a piece of art.

It's pretty sweet.

Owen is obsessed with her.

I'm not obsessed with her.

You are... You are obsessed with her.

I'm not obsessed with her.

Yes, you're obsessed with her.

If there's anything I learned in my time...

I'm not obsessed with her.

Yes, you are.

What the fuck did you just do?

I'm sorry.

Why don't you try paying fucking attention? Look at this.

You got fucking shit all over my shirt. This shirt is expensive.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Why don't you try looking at me?

Why you looking at the ground for?

Look at me. I'm right here. I will.

You just ruined my fucking lunch,

knocked shit on the ground, got it on my shirt. Shit.

You apologize for that. Get up.

Okay, I'm sorry.

What the fuck was that?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt your lunch or anything like that.

So, how about you go...

What the fuck are you guys doing? Grow the fuck up. Shit.

Finish your fucking game.

Pick that shit up.

Have a good fucking day.

Feeny!Feeny!

Fe-ee-eeny!

Feeny!

Oh!

Come on. I'm breaking you out.

That's... I know. I'm springing you.

Put... Put on your mic. Put on your mic.

They can't hear you. Put your mic on.

Put your mic on for one second.

It'll take you two seconds. Put your mic on.

This is a classic breakout.

I can't come out, obviously.

Get your bike.

I'm springing you, Jimmy!

♪ One, two, three, four

♪"

J“ Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit I

♪ Feeling Iit, feeling light, 2:00 a.m., summer night ♪“

♪ I don't care, hands on the wheel I

♪ Driving drunk, I'm doing my thing I

♪ Rolling the Midwest side

♪ And out living my life, getting out dreams ♪“

♪ People told me slow my roll ♪

A“ I'm screaming out “Fuck that“ I

♪“ I'm gon' do just what I want

I And there ain't no turning back I

I If I fall, if I die, know I lived it to the fullest J"

♪ If I fall, if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets ♪“

I I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know ♪

♪ Everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold I

♪ Hey, I'll be fine once I get it ♪

I I'll be good

Wait. What was it? What's that called?

What is it? What is it? What is that called?

I don't know. I call it double talk or...

You call it double talk? You invented it?

No. Some people call it double talk. Some call it gibberish.

The girls I learned it from

at camp when I was a kid called it double talk.

How do you do it?

You know, Nico Popeil told me in Grade Six...

She was, like, "Yeah, me and Mark“

“are supposed to have sex today.

But then stuff started coming out of there."

And it was Grade Six.

And I was still wearing, like, Ninja Teddy sweatpants.

And I was, like, “What?"

“Ninja Teddy"?

Yeah, Ryan Gilhooly once told me,

when I was in the arcade right by the school...

Remember we used to be right by that arcade by the school?

Ryan Gilhooly told me "Hey, yo, Johnson, sweatpants are out."

And I just walked away. I left two quarters on the machine.

Really?

Oh, it killed me. It killed me.

It was the first time I really got bullied, like...

like, just for being myself.

You know what I mean?

What was the name of that guy who threw the rock at you?

Shawn.

What's his last name?

Spearing.

Who else is, like, a Dirty for sure?

Jackman.

Dylan.

Hold this.

Oh, so it's 8 x...

Well, that's way more than enough, 8 x 62.

Grab the other end of this.

This is funny, eh?

This is when the Pythagorean theorem would probably

really help us.

Move back there. What's wrong with you? What's going on?

Are you sure would should be doing this right now?

Doing what? We're measuring the school.

There's nothing wrong with this.

But it looks... it looks bad.

You're being such a freak.

What do you think people are going to think?

We're dangerous because we're measuring things in the hallway?

We look totally innocent. Look at you.

We don't look innocent. We look ridiculous.

No, we don't!

We look very conspicuous.

I look like Encyclopedia Brown.

What does this look like to you? What does this look like to you?

You're walking by.

You're just a regular person.

I don't know.

Jared, what does this look like? Here I am measuring something.

Okay, but you...

And I took a picture of it. What does it honestly look like?

It looks like...

Well, what's it look like?

Here, I'll measure your chest. Does this look dangerous to you.

Okay, stop, stop. Please stop.

Does this look dangerous, Chrissy? I'm measuring Owen.

We're planning a school shooting.

Really?

Yeah.

Awesome.

You want us to kill anybody for you or...

Yeah, maybe Mr. Bird.

Actually, actually, Chrissy, did you do the bio?

Uhh, no, actually, I haven't. Have you?

No, but Owen did. He's going to text it to me later.

You want him to text it to you?

Sure. Here.

Actually, yeah.

Put your number in this.

Good luck with your shooting.

Don't tell anybody.

I won't.

Okay, I think she's going to talk. We got to get rid of her.

Okay...

We got to get rid of her. She knows the whole plan.

Okay...

She saw me measuring you.

I understand.

I even told her... I even told her about the shooting!

She's got to die. Fuck!

Dude, we got to kill your girlfriend.

Can you... Can you give me the phone?

How am I going to text her bio homework?

I have no... I don't know why she bought that.

I have no idea why she said yes.

She's an idiot. Maybe she just likes you.

Think so?

Well, why is she agreeing

to have you text her an entire bio lab?

It doesn't even make sense.

No, it doesn't.

So, we'll get home, do the bio homework as soon as we...

I'm okay. I'm okay.

What are you... Come on!

What are you freaking out for?

Oh! If I have this here...

Okay, text Chrissy and tell her to call you at 9:00.

Why? What happens at 9:00?

Just do it!

That's Chrissy. Are you ready...

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

With your stuff?

Hello?

Hi. Sorry. I'm... I'm at a party. I can't...

I can't really hear you. Who is this?

Okay, sorry.

I'm going to go somewhere where I can hear you better, okay?

It's just really noisy here at this party.

No, no, no, it's fine, just one sec.

Hi. Okay, Chrissy, sorry. Can you hear me now?

Okay, great. Sorry, what were you calling about?

Oh, right, the homework.

Yeah, I mean, I did a little bit of it.

I mean, it's just school. Who cares?

Umm, so just give me what you've got, guys.

And then I can give you some marks for them.

Yeah, ready to go.

Have you ever read Don't Care High?

Yes. Korma“?

With all the spare lockers?

Oh, right, the guy is, like, the baron of spare lockers.

Hi, Owen.

Did you see that?

Did you get that?

It's not that she just said hi.

It's that she said hi in front of everybody in the hallway.

That's not just a regular hi.

It's not, like, “Hi, how are you?" while you're walking home.

It was in front of everybody.

Do you understand... Yeah.

Just how big that is?

I under... Okay, what about this?

Now, I sit in the... in the hallway. I play guitar.

I'm just waiting. She walks by.

I play, like, some romantic song.

She's, like, “Owen, that's the best song."

What are you talking about?

Girls like guitar. You don't like that?

You sound like me coming up with a terrible plan.

Okay... That plan sucks.

What are you, like, a Spanish gangster?

Okay... Waiting for her?

Listen. That's fine. Then you do you coming up with a good plan.

I will come up with a good plan.

Tell me a good plan right now.

Let me do it after I get back from my cottage.

All weekend? Me waiting?

Sitting on this news? Tell me a plan. I need a plan.

Well, I can't come up with something right now.

Yes, you can. Wait three days.

I'll be back... Come up with a plan right now.

I need a plan.

- Are you bullying me? — Listen.

I can wait for you

to come back from your cottage is what I'm telling you.

Well, I'm not... Let me come to your cottage with you.

You know, I'm just going up there

to fire guns with my cousin Nelson.

Is he the scary guy who always wears sunglasses?

Yeah.

I... I like guns.

So, you want to close your left eye

and then line up the sights.

Like, what does "Line up the sights" mean?

Put this white one level and in between that little notch.

Like that?

But that's not going to, like, kick back

and hit me in the face or something?

Uhh...

Well, on the count of what? Count down from 50?

Whoa, shit.

Holy shit.

Do you want to buzz one by my head

just so I see what it's like?

Just so I can feel it?

All right?

Just buzz one by me.

It'll be like I'm riding my bike past a bee.

Whoa!

Hold on, guys. I need a drink.

♪ Embryo

♪ Grew up missing out on most stuff I

I But weeds know

♪“ Just where or when to crop up ♪

♪ Ursula

.|" What's inside your jar of mayo? J"

♪ Expire

♪ Cover it all up with tinfoil

I It seems so corrode

Oh! Fuck!

Oh my God!

♪ So we don't spoil

♪ Corrode, corrode

♪ Me so slow

I It boils, won't spoil

♪ In tinfoil

See?

Oh my God! I hate you!

Why you do that after you get me to trust you?

Because...

This is why I don't trust you.

Yeah, but it's good to trust somebody

and not trust somebody at the same time.

It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

Nelson said it doesn't matter.

But where is Nelson?

Nelson's up at the fire. Watch out. Watch out.

Watch out. There's mud on the ground.

Matt?

Just come on. Matt!

Owen, come on!

Nelson, you're sure it's okay that we're here with you guys?

Yeah.

Wicked. This is your friend?

Yeah, this is Scott. I don't think you met Scott.

This is Matt Johnson. Nice to meet you.

Hey, Scott. I'm Matt. How's it going?

Nice to meet you.

I don't know if it's all right to be wearing this but...

It's the only coat I had. I guess I could take it off.

No, it's okay.

It's the only one we had at the cottage.

I know I look like an Indian chief.

My plan right now is for us to go back home and bake a cake

and then have Owen run into the cafeteria

and pretend he stole it from a Home Ec. class

and put it in front of her and her friends,

sort of at the cool table, and be, like,

“Chrissy, I just stole this cake from a Home Ec. class.

Do you want to eat it?“

And then she'll think “Oh, man,

this guy's bad—ass 'cause he stole a cake."

Do you think that'll work?

Umm, I don't know.

Cake plan!

I don't know if that'll work. I think that's kind of corny.

No, no, no, no...

I think you're thinking, like, in movies.

That's, like, what you do on...

But that stuff actually works.

And it's not like he gives her the cake, "Will you marry me?"

I play guitar. And that's just a general thing.

And I find some way to show that I play guitar...

And it's what you love... In public is the point.

It's what you love, yeah. Right.

I mean, that's good. It shows, like, off you totally.

Right.

I think that'd be super cool.

That's what I'm going to do.

That's better than the cake thing.

Yeah. And then if she says anything, just, like,

“Yeah, maybe we should get a coffee or something some time.“

And if she doesn't,

it's no big deal... No, not at all.

'Cause it's nothing lost.

No, nothing lost, nothing gained.

Just don't be creepy about it.

I'm not creepy. No, I'm just saying...

Cake plan's creepy.

The cake is creepy.

I'm not creepy. Don't do the cake.

Don't do the cake one.

So, the key is to act paranoid.

As soon as you run up to her,

you got to act like you actually are in trouble.

And then if you don't sit down, you're going to be...

You're going to get fucked.

Okay.

So, you say, "Hey, Chrissy, can I sit down, please?

I really need to sit down so badly."

“Hey. Fuck, I just stole this cake from Home Ec. class.“

Exactly... "Can I sit down?"

And once you're sitting down, it's fine.

"I got to sit down."

And then what you're trying to do is get to a point

where you and her are just eating a cake together

and it's a casual... casual lunch date.

Okay. And it's nothing.

And if it doesn't work, if she's, like, “No! Fuck you!",

you just LeBron James her. Have some flour.

Okay, I just stole this cake from a Home Ec. class.

We should eat it. You guys want to eat it?

All right. Yeah, okay.

Come sit down.

Okay. I, uhh, I grabbed some forks and plates too.

Nice.

Yeah.

You really had this planned out.

Hold on. That's a class's cake? Some other kids made that?

Yeah. It was... It was just sitting there. So, I grabbed it.

So, they're going to fail now because of you.

I'm sorry. Did I offend you?

No.

Ooh, whose birthday?

Evan got us a cake.

Owen got us a cake.

Whatever.

It's so good.

Yeah, no, you can... Yeah, take some.

Dig in, buddy.

What do you think?

It's actually so good.

What the fuck was that?

What are you talking about? That was amazing.

What was that? That wasn't the plan.

Chrissy loved it.

Not Chrissy, dude, the Dirties.

You gave the cake to The Dirties.

I watched you. You gave the cake to The Dirties.

I did. But who cares? It was for Chrissy.

And she thought it was amazing.

Dude, I... Everybody thought it was amazing.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Chrissy thought it was great.

Fucking idiot, dude.

We should get Catcher in the Rye.

That'd be funny, if we just get all of these.

Wait. Wait.

Should we check all these out? We'd seem crazy.

There's six copies of Catcher in the Rye.

We should check all these out right now. Take these three.

Why do we want to seem crazy?

'Cause it's funny. It makes us seem funny.

Okay.

Come on, you phony.

Okay.

You know what's going to happen, right?

1 in 38 means...

Hey, Owen.

What's up?

What does the word "Arbitrary" mean?

It means, like, I had a decision that was made for reasons

that don't really matter, or by someone

who didn't really have the right to make the decision.

Like, that decision was just arbitrary.

It means the decision doesn't even matter.

You didn't have a right to make... to make the decision.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, thanks.

What was that?

Did she straight up ask you what that meant?

She just said “What does the word 'arbitrary' mean?“

I told her. And then she said "Okay, thanks."

She's an idiot. What's she reading? The Grapes of Wrath?

She doesn't know what “Arbitrary" means?

I'll go tell her. That's a terrible definition.

It's not a terrible... Define it in a better way.

“Arbitrary"?

You don't get this much time.

What does the word "Arbitrary" mean?

Sorry.

“Arbitrary" means...

What does the word "Arbitrary" mean?

"Arbitrary" mean...

"Arbitrary" is when you know what something means but... No.

She's an idiot. Maybe she just likes you.

I just couldn't believe you'd do anything this stupid.

Like, why are you...

What are you doing?

But I didn't mean... I didn't do it on purpose.

It was that I was so focussed on this idea...

I was really shocked too.

And then it goes into this thing...

No, just play it. Play it.

Well, you know what this is. This is when we did the plan.

Yeah, but I haven't... All right, but I just hadn't seen...

Just do it!

Okay, that's Chrissy.

See, I cut it so that one thing

just happens right after another.

Well, how does this look? 'Cause there's...

Like, it looks amazing.

This is awesome.

You haven't seen any of this stuff, eh?

From this new cut.

No. That last scene's so, like, ridiculous.

Here. Did you... Did you see the stuff of us biking?

Check this out.

♪“ I'm gon' do just what I want

I And there ain't no turning back I

♪ If I fall, if I die

Watch.

What are those?

The blueprints.

What do you mean?

Uhh...

They're the blueprints of the school.

Oh, I haven't... I didn't even told you any of this stuff.

What do you mean?

Yeah, I meant to tell you this. Hold on a second.

Uhh, I'll show you. Check it out.

I've got them all marked off, like, with, like, what, uhh...

What each room is for and, like,

who uses each room and when and shit like that.

Look at this. They're fucking huge, eh?

And look. I put The Dirties on top of it like that. And look.

Every single room, I've got, like, labelled, like, the gym

and, like, Mr. Mac's class and Muldoon's.

It's got everything. It's got everything.

I've got the times and... Hold on a second...

And, like, the period changes. Look at this.

I got where people normally hang out

and all the locker configurations of everybody.

I got a special page just for, umm, just for The Dirties,

like, where all The Dirties hang out outside the school.

♪ It's possible

.|" Anything's possible

♪ This might be a river, now mightn't it be ♪

♪ Connecting McEIIigot's pool with the sea ♪

♪ Then maybe some fish might be swimming ♪

.|" Anything's possible

♪ It's possible

.|" Anything's possible

.|" Anything's possible

The first note, right?

Right there on that note, yeah.

Yeah, now altogether in one big phrase, right?

Sorry, Mr. Bird. I'll get it.

Yeah, you're getting it. You're getting it.

Yeah.

All at once. Yeah, don't go back to that.

Let me... Let me show you something.

Let me show you something.

It's all like speaking a different language, right?

So, this is going to be a sentence that we're playing.

It's a phrase with its own rhythms

and phonetic way of delivering it, okay?

So, you go...

See?

Yeah, it sounds so good when you play it compared to me.

Well, you just separate your hands, right?

I don't know. I'm not going to be...

I'm trying to learn this for, like, tomorrow.

I'm not going to be able to get it like you.

Why do you got to learn it for tomorrow? You got lots of time.

You got to practice this every single day.

And let me tell you,

the girls are going to come after you after you learn it.

What's this guy's name? Is it "D"? Dylan?

You don't know what this guy's name is?

Where did you get all those pictures?

Just from footage.

Oh, you printed it from, like, from screenshots?

Yeah.

Why?

For the movie. It's all The Dirties.

What if your mom sees that stuff?

My mom never comes down here.

When was the last time you saw my mom in the basement?

Even if she did, what would she think?

Oh, wow, there's some fucking pictures of kids.

She would think this is for a movie. It is for a movie.

And if she said "Matt, why do you have pictures"

of bullies at your school?",

I'd be, like, "It's for the movie, Mom. Don't worry.“

She'd be, like, "All right, I don't even know“

“why I asked you that, blah, blah, blah.

"Hey, Stephen, did you hear Matthew's

“fucking doing blah, blah, blah?" She wouldn't even say that.

"Okay, I'm off to work. Bye."

Why don't you go tell my mom. Go upstairs.

“Mrs... Mrs. Johnson, uhh...“

“Mrs. Johnson, your son's fucking crazy.

"He's got a bunch of pictures of people on the wall

that he thinks he's going to kill later.“

Take the pictures down or something. I don't want to be...

No.

Okay, I'm going home.

What?

Owen... I'm going.

Tarantino...

Nice haircut, dude.

Excuse me.

Step off!

Look at this guy!

Huh?

This is like, uhh, when Snake Eyes made that mistake.

Can you please back... Can you please back up?

Just let me...

Do the Snake Eyes bit in a minute. Butjust at least...

I have to be here to do the Snake Eyes bit.

Just back up by, like, a foot. You're being insane.

Yeah, but it won't look as good uess I'm like this.

It doesn't matter how good it looks! It's just me.

Do you hear yourself?

"It doesn't matter how good it looks“? This is a movie.

This is not a movie right now. This is just you and me.

Trust me. This is a movie.

Trust me. I'll... We'll go home. I'll show you the footage.

This is sick. You'll be, like, "Holy shit.

What a wicked movie."

This is sick how you act like this all the time now.

What are you talking about?

How it's always a movie for you, how you're always acting,

it's pathetic.

Why are you acting so strange?

I'm not acting strange.

Owen, you're acting very... I'm acting the way that I...

Whoa! I take a step forward and I just...

This is exactly what I'm describing.

But you understand what I'm saying? You're really upset.

And I'm trying to comfort you.

And I'm, like, "Listen, Owen. Relax."

Matt, I don't care if you think that would make... Whoa!

A good shot in some film that you're making

that I'm not making.

The scene is Danny Glover in Royal Tenenbaums.

"I don't know, Percy. She's... Ah!"

Shut up! Shut up!

I don't think it's funny.

So, if I don't think it's funny, who's it for?

Is this about Chrissy?

Chrissy has nothing to do...

How would this have anything to do with Chrissy?

I don't know because I definitely don't think

like I did anything wrong here.

You're acting.

- You're always acting. - I'm not always acting.

- Yes, you're always acting. - I'm never acting! I'm never acting!

You're acting even right now! Always, you're conscious of...

I don't know what's real with you

- and what's not real with you. - This is real.

This... I'm being real. I'm being real. Look.

I'm standing on a cliff

saying I want to do a shot of us doing kung fu. That's real.

It's not real when you're doing the kung fu

and when you're looking and you're doing the back away

and little fake-outs and little voices...

Relax. Relax. Fucking ridiculous.

We're leaving?

This is a good time now for you to end the scene, I guess.

Well, cut from there. That's from the school.

You know what, I'm getting flashbacks from Grade Five.

Sorry?

Don't you be calling me and my friend again.

Fucking...

Fucking try that... I'm not trying to fuck with you.

Get the fuck down. Get the fuck down.

I'm not trying...

It's funny, eh?

You see something happen to you on, uhh, on camera,

it's like it's not even...

It's like it's not even happening to you.

It's like it's happening to a different person. It's crazy.

Fucking try that... I'm not trying to fuck with you!

Get the fuck down! Get the fuck down!

I am not trying...

Oh! Sweatpants are out, Jackman.

Yo, that's what I say,

hit 'em with the Gilhooly.

Sweatpants are out, Jackman!

You've got about 45 minutes.

Yeah, then the storm starts?

Usually, it's about an hour before.

Storm's coming.

I hope the storm doesn't blow you

like your mom blew me last night.

What?

You heard me.

I don't... The storm's going to blow...

Yeah, you heard me.

You know what?

Fuck it.

You know, Laren, we're coming to school with guns to kill you.

Okay. Do you know that?

Yeah.

Yeah, we're coming to school with guns to kill you.

No, we're not.

He's not going to fucking tell anybody.

We're not.

And that's why you guys are pussies.

You're dead. Shut up.

You're dead. You're dead. You're dead.

You can't fight your own battles.

I just finished telling you we are.

Stop it.

This is insane!

Owen, tell me if this sounds like anybody, okay?

"Joy, grief, anxiety, amusement, they can all be mimicked on cue.

“He knows the facial expressions,

“the voice modulations and the body language.

"He's not just conning you with a scheme.

"His entire life is a con,

"his entire personality a fabrication

“with the purpose of deceiving people.

“Psychopaths take great personal pride in the deception and...

"In their deceptions and extract tremendous joy from them.

“Lies become the psychopath's occupation.

And when the truth will work, they lie for sport."

This is exactly what you were saying about me.

Who are you... Who are you on the phone with?

I'm not on the phone.

Are you hearing this? I could be a psychopath.

Owen, I could be a psychopath.

Who are you texting? What are you doing?

Dude, this shit is insane.

And you're not... You're not even laughing.

I'm sick of talking about this. Let's do something else.

What do you mean "Do something else"?

I don't know, play... Let's play a video game.

Let's play Magic cards.

You're not even a bit concerned that I could be a psychopath?

I'm not going to play this game with you.

What game?

I'm talking about the game that you play.

You're a pussy who likes to pretend like you're a big shot

or like you're tough.

You're the one trying to be a big shot.

Look at you, on the phone all the time with some hot girl,

trying to make me feel like a loser. You're the pussy.

No, you are a pussy. You talk big.

And you don't do shit. That's a pussy.

At least I'm not deluding myself

into thinking that some girl likes me

when she doesn't give a fuck about me.

She's an idiot girl, man!

The only reason she even knows you exist

is 'cause of my plans that I gave you.

You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Yes, I do. No, you don't.

I... Yes, I do! You're... You're nothing, man!

You could... You're nothing without me!

I'm your only friend. I am your only friend.

You act like you're Mr. Big Shot Confident

on top of the fucking world.

But nobody likes you. And no one wants to talk to you.

And no one wants to be around you.

And nobody wants to see you.

And when you're really upset,

you light into me and get mad at me

about this fucking girl who you're jealous of!

You're jealous of... I'm not jealous.

The one other person who ever talks to me!

I'm not jealous at all! Yes, you're jealous!

You're absolutely jealous. She's retarded. I don't care.

You are absolutely jealous. I just don't want to see my best friend...

If you don't care... Throw his life away.

Then why do you bring it up?

Why would you ever bring it up if you didn't care?

You do care. You are jealous. You have no other friends.

And it's your fault and your problem.

And you fucking do it to yourself!

And I'm not going to go along with it anymore.

And you know it's fucking true.

Fuck you. Get the fuck off.

Man, I'm not fucking doing this anymore.

.|" Don't you know when it snows

♪“ You'll be crying for the sun

♪ Hang on

♪ Don't let it get you down

I Can't you see

♪ The light will come again?

I It always does, my friend

I It always does, my friend ♪

♪ We“, I'm sitting in a basement 4“

♪ And I'm watching the TV

♪ And I'm drinking something from a drinking box I

♪ And I don't know what it could be ♪

♪ I sit here in the morning

♪ I sit here late at night

♪ I wish I was doing something

J“ 'Cause all this sitting just ain't right I

♪ If I was a bird, I'd fly away ♪

♪ From this place

♪ But if I was a bird, I'd be in the air ♪

J“ And I'd never see your face I“

I But I think I'd get along

♪ I think I could get

Is this too cheesy? Is this way too cheesy?

This is not... This is not like me, eh, to do this.

Die, you cocksucker mctherfuck...

That scary? If I come out like that?

The yellow glove, for some reason, seems menacing.

I don't know why.

When I took it from upstairs, I was, like,

“This is what you wear when you go to kill somebody"

because it seems like The Cleaner.

Ah! You got blood on my glove!

And this shirt might be too neon green.

Look at that, extended family as bears.

Is that too weird?

You got to picture all this stuff stained with blood.

Ooh.

Do I seem crazy to you at all?

Why? Who thinks you're crazy?

I don't know.

I don't seem crazy, do I?

No, you don't. You're not crazy, although you say whacky things.

I think... I don't know why you do that.

I think you do it just for effect.

That's what Owen thinks too.

Well, what do you do?

Like, I mean, these things come out of the ether,

like, what... like, completely de-contextualized,

like, what is that?

I don't know. I was just thinking about it.

I was reading a book about...

Well, what does "Crazy" mean?

"Crazy" technically means when you lose your ability

to tell the difference between your thoughts and reality.

That's what "Crazy" means.

When you lose your reality test, okay?

Yeah.

You're kind of a wild guy.

I'm just wondering why you're worrying about...

Like, where did that come from?

I don't know.

Or do you think you're crazy?

No, I don't think I'm crazy.

I don't know why I'm asking.

Hmm.

Had to burn my notebooks.

You may have to put these in yourself,

at the end.

I'll render them but...

Are you a student?

Yep. Sorry. I'm just here early.

Okay, come on in.

Thanks, man.

Hey, Josh.

You're here early.

Hey. Yeah, sorry. We're shooting a project for Mr. Muldoon.

Wow. Good luck.

Hey, Mark.

How's it going?

Sorry.

Let go of my hand, dude.

Ah!

Sweatpants are out, dude.

It's okay. I'm only here for the bad guys.

Owen? Owen?

Owen!

Go, go, go!

Hey, Owen!

Let's go! Come on! Get out! Let's go! Get out! Go!

What the fuck is he doing?

Owen! Owen!

Owen!

Fuck.

What are you doing?

It's me.

.|" There goes the one

♪ With the strangest ideas

♪ Shifting and sliding and breaking fast away ♪

♪ Endlessly running away

♪ From his fears

I Not coming back

♪ Not today

♪ Don't tell me

♪ I'm calmer than I've ever been ♪

♪ Did you see

I See who's coming after me?

♪ Don't tell me

♪ I'm calmer than I've ever been ♪

♪ Did you see

I See who's coming after me?

♪ Dripping a hole

♪“ Through the roof of

♪ My heaven

♪ Creeping and taking

♪ A peek in my life

♪ Finding the space

I It could silently enter

.|" Gone for a long lonely drive J"

♪ Don't tell me

♪ I'm calmer than I've ever been ♪

♪ Did you see

I See who's coming after me?

♪ Don't tell me

♪ I'm calmer than I've ever been ♪

♪ Did you see

I See who's coming after me?

♪ One face full of disgrace

♪ I won't ever wait, I won't ever wait ♪

♪ One face full of disgrace

♪ I won't ever wait, I won't ever wait ♪

♪ One face full of disgrace

♪ I won't ever wait, I won't ever wait ♪

♪ One face full of disgrace

♪ I won't ever wait, I won't ever wait ♪

♪ You're free to leave, you won't be missed ♪

♪ If you end it all, no one would notice ♪

♪ You're free to leave, you won't be missed ♪

♪ If you end it all, no one would notice ♪

♪ You're free to leave, you won't be missed ♪

♪ If you end it all, no one would notice ♪

♪ You're free to leave, you won't be missed ♪

♪ If you end it all, no one would notice ♪

♪ You're free to leave, you won't be missed ♪

♪ If you end it all, no one would notice ♪