Original subtitles

这边走 This way.

哦 非常抱歉 Oh. So sorry.

我很抱歉 I sorry.

我刚在看那个家伙 I was looking at that guy.

什么家伙 他不在那儿 他刚才就在 What guy? He's not there, he was right

我不知道 他长什么样 I don't know. What'd he look like?

他浑身湿透 He was wet.

他是个浑身湿透的家伙 嗯哼 He was a wet guy? Mm-hmm.

谢泼德教授说在卡伯特大厅前面等 Professor Shepard said to wait here in front of Cabot Hall.

她说要等多久吗 因为我们好像该开始了 Did she say how long to wait? Because I think we are supposed to start

啊 好的 那我就站这儿吧 Ah, okay. I'll just stand here then.

胡子不错 混蛋 我能听见你说话 Nice mustache, jerk. I can hear you.

是的 我知道 我知道 Yeah, I know, I know.

不 我没有 对不起 我是 鲁索先生吗 No, I didn't. I'm sorry, I Mr. Russo?

是的 叫我格雷格就好 Yes. Greg, please.

谢泼德教授 Professor Shepard?

迪伦 迪伦 对对 Dylan. Dylan. Right, right.

嘿 嘿 谢谢你 埃里克 Hey, hey. Thank you, Eric.

埃里克接我接得很好 他走了 Eric did a great job picking me up. He left.

准备好开始了吗 You ready to rock and roll?

没 Nope.

哦 真讨厌 那是我 Oh, yuck, there I am.

我不喜欢这些朗读环节 真不喜欢 是的 那是你 I don't love these readings. I don't. Yep, that's you.

我会变得很在意 我没办法 我没办法 I get so self-conscious, and I can't, I can't...

哦 不 你读不出来吗 Oh, no, you can't read?

哦 如果遇到大词 就拼读出来 Oh, if you come to a big word, just sound it out.

我写的是你们应该在沙滩上读的书 I write books that you're supposed to read at the beach.

它们很轻松 很有趣 They are light, they are fun.

你喜欢的角色会做爱 Characters that you like have sex,

你不喜欢的角色会被射脸 the ones that you don't get shot in the face.

什么 在这样沉闷的大学里 What? At a stuffy college like this,

这些孩子不是在寻找乐趣 these kids aren't looking for fun.

他们在寻找深度 嘿 我教一门课 They're looking for depth. Hey. I teach a class

关于坏兔兔的诗歌 你会没事的 好吗 about the poetry of Bad Bunny. You'll be fine, okay?

什么是坏兔兔 What's a bad bunny?

开始吧 好的 Let's do this. Okay.

"公鸡不是故意要射爱德华多的脸 "Rooster didn't mean to shoot Eduardo in the face,

"但事情就这么发生了 "but there it was.

"一个完美的弹孔就在他眼睛下方 "One perfect bullet hole right below his eye.

"那晚 公鸡在沙滩椅上沉沉睡去 "That night, Rooster drifted to sleep in a beach chair.

"幸运的是 他醒来时第一眼看到的是玛戈 "Luckily, the first thing he saw when he woke was Margo,

"她微笑着向他飘来 "smiling as she floated towards him

在闪烁的晨光热浪中" in the shimmering morning heat."

看吧 没那么糟 See? Wasn't so bad.

好的 我们还有时间回答几个问题 Okay, we have time for a few questions.

好的 罗尼 请讲 Okay. Ronni, go ahead.

鲁索先生 首先 我想感谢您光临 Mr. Russo, first, I want to thank you for coming

并抽出时间与我们交流 哦 这是我的荣幸 and giving us your time. Oh, my pleasure.

不 真的 谢谢您 哦 谢谢 No, really, thank you. Oh, thank you.

感激不尽 你的问题是什么 Appreciate it. What was your question?

你为什么讨厌女性 Why do you hate women?

哇 我不 我 这是个有趣的开始方式 Wow, I don't I That's a fun way to start.

答案很简单 我不讨厌女性 Easy answer. I don't hate women.

"除了玛戈本人 芒果是公鸡最喜欢的味道" "Mango was Rooster's favorite flavor besides Margo herself."

所以在这里 你在比较 So here, you're comparing the taste

女性阴道和冰棍的味道 of a woman's vagina to a Popsicle.

我当时不知道我在那样做 I did not know I was doing that.

嗯 你还说她"闻起来像生日蛋糕" Well, you also say that she "smelled like birthday cake."

你写那话时 你的思考过程是怎样的 What was your thought process when you wrote that?

我 我一定是饿了 I... I must have been hungry.

事情是这样的 Here's the thing.

我不把玛戈看作性对象 I don't see Margo as a sex object.

是的 她和公鸡 Yes, she and Rooster

确实做爱了几次 十六次 do have sex a few times Sixteen times.

好的 很好 你数过了 Okay, good, you counted.

我的意思是 如果包括口交 是十七次 I mean, 17, if you include the oral sex.

必须包括在内 对吧 Have to include that, right?

是的 算上吧 Yeah, let's include it.

不管怎样 玛戈这个角色 For what it's worth, the character of Margo

是基于我以前娶过的一个女人 is based on a woman I used to be married to.

所以 是的 她性感美丽 但她也聪明勇敢 So, yes, she is sexy and beautiful, but she is also smart and brave.

这引出了我的问题 That feeds into my question.

你知道玛戈从毒贩手中救出公鸡的那段吗 You know the part where Margo saves Rooster from the drug smugglers?

没错 那一刻她非常勇敢 Exactly, she's very brave in that moment.

嗯 尤其是因为她脱掉了比基尼 Well, especially since she took off her bikini

全程赤裸上身 and did it all topless.

是的 Yes.

她需要制作止血带 She had to make a tourniquet.

你的问题是什么 What was your question?

那很火辣 性感尤物 That was hot. Smokeshow.

好了 好问题 还有其他人吗 Alright, great question. Anybody else?

罗尼 你已经问过了 Ronni, you've had your turn.

嘿 克里斯尔 他回来了吗 Hey, Cristle. Is he back?

他在这儿 他非常兴奋 He's here. He's very excited.

我的天 我是说 我的天 My gosh. I mean, my gosh.

真是太出色了 Just outstanding.

哦 不确定你们是否正式见过 Oh. Not sure if you've officially met

我们的校长 沃尔特·曼 our president, Walter Mann.

我本来就是您的粉丝 I was already a fan,

但绝对欣赏您处理那个罗尼问题的方式 but absolutely loved the way you handled that Ronni.

嗯 我希望没让她难受 Well, I hope I didn't make her feel bad.

啊 谁在乎呢 Ah, who cares?

现在没人让这些孩子难受了 Nobody makes these kids feel bad anymore.

我跟你说 生活是艰难的 Let me tell you something. Life is hard.

而我们教这些孩子 你好 And we are teaching these kids... Hello.

屁都没教 ...exactly squat.

嗯 简直失控了 我说的对吧 Hmm. It's out of control, am I right?

实际上 我认为年轻人如此 是令人耳目一新的 Actually, I think it's refreshing that young people are

哦 谢谢你 克里斯尔 你说完了 Oh, thank you, Cristle. You're done.

你可以走了 请告诉里格斯院长 Off you go. Please tell Dean Riggs

我会在体育馆见他 好的 I will meet him at the gym. Fine.

感谢您容忍我 Thank you for tolerating me.

我们不说话 We're not speaking.

再见 格雷格 她看起来不错 Bye, Greg! She seems nice.

是克里斯尔 对吧 没有T吗 It's Crissle, yes? There's no T?

有个T 有个T There's a T. There's a T.

哦 文理学院 Oh. Liberal arts colleges

曾经是自由思想的 used to be safe havens

避风港 格雷格 for free thought, Greg.

你和我什么时候变成了坏人 When did you and I become the bad guys?

赞同 什么 Amen. What?

民粹主义在这儿不太受欢迎 Populism is not very popular here.

我是说 就拿迪伦来说 我爱她 I mean, take Dylan. I love her,

但她没读过你任何一本书 这并不奇怪 but it's no surprise that she hasn't read any of your books.

你在干什么 没关系 What are you doing? It's okay.

实际上 我也没读过你任何诗歌 I actually haven't read any of your poetry, either.

有趣的是 在你的邮件里 你说你爱迪伦的诗歌 It's funny, in your emails, you said you loved Dylan's poetry.

是的 我确实爱 I did. I do love them.

全读过了 我只是不想让她难受 Read all of them. I just didn't wanna make her feel bad.

啊 Ah.

开心了 你把我们俩都揭穿了 Happy? You got us both.

无意的 只是沃尔特做他自己 Unintentional. Just Walt being Walt.

迪伦 下次再聊 Dylan, to be continued.

格雷格 你数到十 然后过来找我 Greg, you give me a ten count and then join me.

是的 他想让你数到十 而且 不 我不知道为什么 Yes, he wants you to count to ten and, no, I don't know why.

好的 Okay.

我会读你的书的 I'm gonna read your books.

哦 不用 别担心这个 Oh, no. Don't worry about it.

很高兴认识你 格雷格 Nice meeting you, Greg.

我 也 认识你 很高兴 Nice you me also.

好的 Okay.

你在做什么 What are you doing?

好的 Okay.

哦 天啊 Oh, boy.

那几乎没到八秒 格雷格 That was barely eight there, Greg.

你需要再来一个十秒或二十秒计数吗 Do you need another 10 or 20 count?

我能猜猜你在想什么吗 我怀疑你猜不到 May I guess what you're thinking? I doubt it.

大多数大学校长都是书呆子型的隐居者 Most college presidents are bookish shut-ins,

但这家伙肌肉发达 but this guy's jacked.

这正是我在想的 That's exactly what I was thinking.

我也会接受 "哇"这个答案 I would have also accepted, "Wow!"

想知道我的秘诀吗 热桑拿 冷水浴 You know my secret? Hot sauna, cold plunge,

每天 雷打不动 every goddamn day.

你会获得和吸食可卡因一样的内啡肽 You get the same endorphins you get from cocaine,

只是它会持续两小时 而不是九分钟 only it lasts two hours instead of nine minutes.

还有 过来 靠近点 Plus, come here. Scoot closer?

它能释放棕色脂肪 It releases the brown fat.

嗯 你必须释放棕色脂肪 Well, you gotta release the brown fat.

我就知道你会懂 我很高兴你认为我懂了 I knew you'd get it. I'm glad that you think that I do.

听着 如果我不问凯蒂怎么样 我就是个坏爸爸 Listen, I would be a bad dad if I didn't ask how Katie was doing,

我知道你可能听说了她和阿奇的事 and I know that you probably have heard about her and Archie.

你去美国的任何校园 You go to any campus in America,

没有哪两个教员之间的婚姻 and no marriage between two faculty members

能持续超过一年半 has ever lasted more than a year and a half.

我无法相信这是真的 I can't believe that is true.

嗯 事实上可能不成立 但精神实质是那样 Well, it may not be factually true, but the spirit of it is.

那么 你呢 Now, what about you?

想过教书吗 哦 我吗 You ever think about teaching? Oh, me?

哦 不 没有 Oh, no. No.

不太想 我没上过大学 Not really. I didn't go to college.

谁在乎 大学被高估了 Who cares? It's overrated.

真的 好吧 Real Okay.

我还在找驻校作家 I'm still looking for my writer-in-residence.

你发话 这份工作就是你的了 You say the word, gig's yours.

嗯 现在别回答 Well Don't answer now.

在你离开之前 回来告诉我你的决定 Come back and tell me your decision before you leave.

我希望你走出去 让这个校园的魔力笼罩你 I want you to go out and let this campus get its magic all over you.

笼罩我 是的 宝贝 All over me? Yeah, baby.

与此同时 我要去健身房 In the meantime, I'm gonna go to the gym

举举铁 你想一起来吗 and throw some metal around. You care to join?

不 谢谢 No, thanks.

我要去看我孩子 啊 好爸爸 I'm gonna go see my kid. Ah, good dad.

你告诉那个凯蒂 如果需要一场校园性丑闻 You tell that Katie that if it took a campus sex scandal

才能让她老爸最终来这里 那也值了 to finally get her old man up here, worth it.

可能不会告诉她那个 Probably not gonna tell her that.

谢谢 好的 好吧 Thank you. Okay. Alright.

嘿 格雷格 什么事 Hey, Greg. Yes?

很高兴你来了 见到你真好 Thrilled you're here. Good to see you.

在他的睡莲中 莫奈摒弃了传统 With his water lilies, Monet eschewed tradition

专注于他吉维尼家中 and focused on the surface of the pond

池塘的表面 很美 对吧 at his home in Giverny. Beautiful, right?

难以置信 但实际上 修复师们 Hard to believe, but actually conservators...

用棉签和唾液修复了那幅画 restored that exact painting with Q-tips and spit.

呃 好了 你可以带着 Ew. Okay, you can take

那个有点恶心的小知识离开这儿了 that slightly disgusting tidbit and get outta here.

但是周一要交论文 But there is a paper due on Monday.

但是周末有个K-party But there's a K-party this weekend.

什么是K-party 你不会想知道的 What is a K-party? You don't wanna know.

我不想知道了 好吧 I don't wanna know, okay.

如果你觉得论文需要更多时间 那是我爸爸 If you feel like you need extra time on your paper, that is my dad.

与陌生人互动让他非常不自在 Interacting with strangers makes him very uncomfortable.

所以 如果你想要延期 看着他的眼睛 So, if you want extra time, look him in the eye

告诉他你爱他 好吗 and tell him that you love him, okay?

不 请别这么做 No. Please don't do it.

我非常爱你 好的 I love you very much. Okay.

再见 See you.

你知道棕色脂肪是什么吗 Do you know what brown fat is?

爸爸 我很高兴你来了 但我不需要你 Dad, I love that you're here, but I don't need you

来检查我 我不是在检查你 to check up on me. I'm not checking up on you.

他们邀请我来朗读 They asked me to come and read.

哦 得了吧 爸爸 你讨厌这个地方 Oh, come on, Dad, you hate this place.

他们邀请你无数次了 They've asked you like a billion times.

承认吧 我不想承认 Just admit it. I don't want to admit it,

因为你会生气 because you will get mad.

大家都知道 知道什么 Everybody knows. Knows what?

关于阿奇的事 About Archie.

大家都知道 这地方就像个玻璃鱼缸 Everybody knows. This place is like a fishbowl.

他知道 他不知道 He knows. He doesn't know.

嘿 打扰一下 你知道我丈夫 Hey, excuse me. You know that my husband

离开我是为了和一个研究生上床 对吧 left me to fuck a grad student, right?

呃 我 Uh, I...

哦 老实回答 Oh. Answer honestly,

我保证你这尴尬时刻就结束了 and I promise this moment is over for you.

知道 谢谢 Yes. Thank you.

不客气 You're welcome.

看吧 好吧 See? Okay.

你知道 最糟的是每个人都在问我发生了什么 You know, the worst part is everybody keeps asking me what happened.

我不知道发生了什么 I don't know what happened.

我们本来很正常 然后接下来我所知道的 We were normal, and then the next thing I know,

就是他和她在一起 而我正在打包 he's with her, and I'm packing up

搬进已故冰球教练的房子 and moving into the dead hockey coach's house.

冰球教练怎么死的 How did the hockey coach die?

我想他是自杀的 I think he killed himself

因为他父亲关注的是故事错误的部分 because his father was focusing on the wrong part of the story.

对不起 我回来了 不是在冰上死的 对吧 I'm sorry. I'm back. It wasn't on the ice, was it?

爸爸 对不起 你继续 Dad. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

我觉得好像每个人都在看我 I feel like everybody's looking at me all the time.

他们没在看你 他刚才没在看你 They're not looking at you. He wasn't looking at you.

哦 是的 他刚才就看了 Oh, yep, he just did.

我正在失控 爸爸 我讨厌这样 I'm losing my grip, Dad, I hate it.

亲爱的 你没有失控 你很坚强 Honey, you're not losing your grip. You are strong.

哇 Whoa!

亲爱的 我们为什么在灌木丛里 Honey, why are we in the bushes?

嘘 是他们 在那边 Shh, that's them over there.

他们有时在这儿吃午餐 They eat their lunch here sometimes.

所以你在跟踪他们 嗯 So you're stalking them? Mm...

没关系 亲爱的 他们甚至从不接吻 That's fine, hon. They never even kiss.

看看她 她不像那种模特类型 And look at her, she's not like some model type.

她就像一个普通女孩 She's just like a normal girl.

哦 我只是 如果她在某方面很特别 Oh, I just It would make so much more sense to me

对我来说会更说得通 if she was special in some way.

嗯 亲爱的 也许让她特别的 Well, honey, maybe what makes her special

是内在的东西 你知道 她作为一个人是谁 is on the inside, you know, who she is as a person.

你他妈在逗我吗 对不起 Are you fucking kidding me? I'm sorry.

你在干什么 我在灌木丛里 What are you doing? I'm in the bushes.

我状态不好 I'm off my game.

听着 亲爱的 Look, hon.

有件事我 什 There's something that I wha...

就看着我 Just look at me.

现在就看着我 什么 Just look at me right now. What?

专注于我在说的 Focus on what I'm saying,

因为我有重要的事 不 because I have something important No.

该死 Shit.

很少有女人能在看着丈夫和别人亲热时 Not many women get to be with their father

还和父亲在一起 while they watch their husband make out with someone.

是的 我们很幸运 Yeah, we're pretty lucky.

你为什么要来这儿 Why would you come here?

我就知道你会生气 I knew you'd be mad.

别 凯蒂 Don't. Katie.

不 不 No. No.

不 不 不 不 不 不 不 Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

我不是在看你 I wasn't watching you.

我在看你后面的一对情侣接吻 I was watching a couple behind you kissing.

异性恋情侣 哥们 A straight couple. Dude.

不是说这有关系 只是 Not that that matters. It just

我只是在澄清 是的 I'm just clarifying. Yeah.

你不用拿手机 那是 我走了 You don't have to take out your phone. That's I'm outta here.

回头见 See you later!

嘿 那个家伙在那边 Hey, there's that guy.

你今天表现太棒了 哦 You kicked ass today. Oh.

超级粉丝 我爱那些公鸡系列的书 我全读了 Big fan, I love those Rooster books. I read 'em all.

哦 谢谢 Oh, thank you.

你就是那个 You're the...

比基尼小子 the bikini kid.

哦 汤米·牛顿 Oh, Tommy Newton.

哦 该死 我忘带钱包了 真蠢 Oh, shit. I forgot my wallet. Stupid.

不不不 给我那个 真的吗 No, no, no. Give me that. Really?

我请你 哦 贴心 I got you. Oh, sweet.

等等 那我也拿点薯片 Wait, I'ma get some chips too, then.

开玩笑的 你真好 谢谢 I'm just kidding. Very kind, thanks.

没关系 拿着吧 It's okay. Got ya.

再次感谢 真的很感激 没问题 给你 Again, I really appreciate it. No problem. There you go.

贴心 享用吧 Sweet. Enjoy it.

你们好 我的朋友们 Bonjour, mes amis.

你好 我刚用法语说了"你好" Hello. I said "hello" in French

因为我猜你是从巴黎来的 because I am betting that you are from Paris,

那里他们让孩子喝酒 让婴儿抽烟 where they let kids drink wine and babies smoke cigarettes.

但在美国 法定饮酒年龄是21岁 But here in America, the legal drinking age is 21.

你不是21岁吗 You're not 21?

还不是 好的 警官 Not yet. Okay, officer.

他说他忘带钱包了 He said that he forgot his wallet.

他主动提出要给我买啤酒 你在逗我吗 He offered to buy me beer. Are you kidding me?

有点像个老掉牙的故事 不是吗 Kind of an age-old story, isn't it?

孩子给你20块 你进去给他买些啤酒 Kid gives you 20 bucks, you go inside and get him some beer.

我不需要20块 好吧 财主 I don't need 20 bucks. Okay, money buckets.

你这么做可能有其他原因 There's other reasons you might do it.

什么 比如为了在小巷里口交 What, for like a blowjob in the alley?

什么 What?

我靠 哦 不 F oh. No.

我在想你可能这么做是因为他看起来是个好孩子 I was thinking that you might do it because he seems like a good kid.

对对对 这说得通多了 Yes, yes, yes. That makes much more sense.

但现在 我脑子里被这个口交的事占据了 But now, I got this blowjob thing stuck in my head,

要么是你给他口交 不不 and either you're giving it to him... No, no.

要么是他给你口交 ...or he's giving it to you,

但不管怎样 没人给任何人 but either way... Nobody's giving anyone

口交 警官 这就是我现在能想到的全部 a blowjob, Officer! ...that's all I can see right now.

不不 这只是个愚蠢的评论 不 不不不不不 No, no, it was just a stupid remark. No. No, no, no, no, no.

不 你不会无缘无故说那种话 除非你在想它 No, you don't just say something like that unless you're thinking it.

是的 我同意 没错 Yeah, I agree. Yes.

我不同意 我完全不同意 I disagree. I wholeheartedly disagree.

汤米·牛顿 拜托 Tommy Newton, come on.

他什么也没做 是我骗了他 He didn't do anything, I tricked him.

这就对了 There you go.

好了 Alright.

留下啤酒 离开这里 Leave the beer and get outta here.

谢谢你是个好孩子 Thanks for being a good kid.

即使只是在最后关头才这样 Even if it was just right at the end.

我就先把这些从你这儿拿走了 I'm gonna go ahead and take these from you.

哦 好的 Oh, okay.

离小巷远点 Stay out of the alleys.

好的 Okay.

好吧 去他的 Yeah. Fuck it.

哦 操 Oh, fuck.

哦 嘘 Oh! Shh!

嘿 小家伙 之前的事抱歉了 Hey, kiddo, sorry about before.

你真要让我一个人吃晚饭吗 Are you really gonna make me eat dinner by myself?

嗯 给我打电话 Huh? Call me.

嘿 玛格丽特 嘿 Hey, Margaret. Hey.

凯蒂吗 Katie?

嘿 Hey.

我在遛狗 I'm walking the dog.

他只在这院子里拉屎 所以 He only shits in this yard, so...

打扰一下 Excuse me.

你们的店酒霞多丽怎么样 尝起来像屎 How is your house Chardonnay? Tastes like shit.

太好了 给我来一杯霞多丽 Great. I'll have one Chardonnay.

霞多丽 哦 哦 嗨 Chardonnay? Oh. Oh, hi.

你在这儿干什么 来点真正的酒 What are you doing here? Get a real drink.

什么 你想自己坐这儿 行啊 Excuse me? You wanna sit here by yourself, fine.

你想加入我 你就得再自毁一点 You wanna join me, you need to get a little more self-destructive.

好的 白色龙舌兰 Okay. Tequila Blanco.

加冰 加一点青柠汁 Rocks. Splash of lime.

好的 是的 来两杯 Alright, yeah. Make that two.

当然 我至少能再来点坚果吗 Sure. Can I at least get more nuts?

你吃了整整一碗吗 Did you eat that whole bowl?

坚果就这样吧 We're good with the nuts.

听着 我不明白问题出在哪 Listen, I don't see what the problem is.

她以前甚至没教过书 She's never even taught before.

你动用了些关系 You pulled some strings.

给你朋友找了份工作 我觉得这很好 You got your friend a job. I think it's nice.

万一她教得很烂 沃尔特解雇她呢 What if she sucks and Walt fires her?

最坏的情况 Worst-case scenario.

情况变得很糟糕 她怪你 It goes horribly. She blames you.

她内心深处有什么东西断了 然后她一枪打你脸上 Something breaks deep inside of her, and she shoots you in the face.

我会揍扁你 I will fuck you up.

你知道 我假装是为了她 You know, I pretended it was for her.

她刚离婚 我说 "哦 你需要改变" She had just gotten a divorce. I said, "Oh, you need a change."

但不是为了她 是为了我自己 But it wasn't for her. It was for me.

我只是感到非常孤立 I just feel so isolated.

而且 你看 我在这儿待了一段时间了 And, look, I've been here for a minute.

几个朋友没拿到终身教职 走了 A few friends didn't get tenure and split.

我已经和所有值得约会的人约过会了 I've already dated everybody worth dating.

我曾说过一次"我爱你" 但后来收回了 And I said "I love you" once, but I took it back.

可以那样吗 可以 You can do that? You can.

但他们会很生气 But they get really mad.

你有没有过完全被人群包围 You ever been completely surrounded by people

却仍然感到彻底孤独的时候 and still felt utterly alone?

有啊 大约持续了25年 Yeah, for about 25 years.

我结过婚 I was married.

对了 对了 哦是的 Right. Right, oh yeah.

娶了学校最著名的校友 是的 To the school's most celebrated alum. Yes.

实际上 你会喜欢她的 Actually, you would love her.

你会喜欢伊丽莎白 You'd love Elizabeth.

我们结婚的时候 When we were married...

身边总是有那么多的人 there were always so many people around.

当我们分开时 同样是那些人说 And when we split up, those same people were the ones to say

我们俩根本不般配 因为她远远配不上我 that we never made sense together, because she was so far out of my league.

很长一段时间 我觉得他们是对的 And for a long time, I felt they were right.

多久 How long?

这到底是怎么回事 What is this all about?

你的钥匙弯了 Your key is bent.

是的 这是我房门钥匙 有时候打不开 Yeah, it's my house key. It doesn't always work.

别转移话题 Quit changing the subject.

太久了 Too long.

我有那种感觉太久了 I felt that way for too long.

要我去再拿点坚果吗 Want me to get us some more nuts?

太想了 So badly.

打扰一下 能再来点坚果吗 Excuse me. Can we get some more nuts?

你们想要热的吗 热坚果 Would you like 'em warm? Warm nuts?

他们甚至都没和对方说话 They haven't even talked to each other.

阿奇真没种 他甚至不敢看着她的眼睛 Archie is so gutless, he can't even look her in the eye

解释发生了什么 and explain what happened.

知道我想做什么吗 我想走过去 Know what I wanna do? I wanna go over there

直接告诉他 像个男人一样担当起来 and just tell him to man the heck up!

我觉得你得用"他妈的像个男人一样" I think you gotta go with "man the fuck up."

我爱你 哦 希望你得个F I love you. Oh, hope you get an F.

那是什么意思 说来话长 What was that? That's a long story.

没关系 因为如果我跟他谈 It doesn't matter, because if I talk to him,

凯蒂会杀了我的 不 她不会的 Katie would kill me. No, she wouldn't.

她会因此爱你的 She'll love you for it.

呃 我不这么认为 Ugh, I don't think so.

我的意思是 她不会告诉你她因此爱你 I mean, she wouldn't tell you she loves you for it.

然后 她可能会说她生你的气 And then, she'll probably say she's mad at you.

你不必一路送我回家的 You didn't have to walk me all the way home.

哦 嗯 不过我很高兴我送了 Oh, well, I'm glad I did, though.

很有趣 That was fun.

晚安 想进来吗 Good night. You wanna come in?

嗯 Hmm?

想进来吗 You wanna come in?

好的 两周后 我的朋友就要住在那里了 Okay, in two weeks, my friend is gonna be living right there.

我爱她 但她总是管我的闲事 And I love her, but she is always all up in my business.

所以 对我来说 可能不能再和客座演讲者上床了 So, probably no more fucking the guest speakers for me.

哇 Wow.

我以前从没做过这个 我只是开玩笑 I've never done this before. I'm just kidding.

我知道 不 你没有 I know. No, you didn't.

不 我确实不知道 No, I did not know.

哦 你知道我多大了吗 Oh. Do you know how old I am?

今天是你的幸运日 老家伙 It's your lucky day, Grandpa.

哦 Oh.

哦 哦 Oh! Oh!

迪伦 你太迷人了 Dylan, you are gorgeous.

而且风趣 还那么那么聪明 让我觉得自己比平时更笨了 And funny, and so, so smart, that I feel even dumber than usual.

但今天就是那样的一天 好了 你可以停了 But today has just been a day. Okay, you can stop.

不不不不 我只是想说 No, no, no, no! I was just saying,

也许我们就在这儿站一会儿 聊聊天 maybe we could just stand out here and talk for a little while?

我真的不喜欢和刚拒绝我的男人说话 I really don't love talking to men who just rejected me

我没有拒绝你 I didn't reject you!

我只是 我不自在 I just I'm uncomfortable.

不是你的问题 是我的问题 我就是 And it's not you. It's me I'm that's who

大多数时候 我总是那样 That's what I am most of the time, always.

那么 也许我们可以喝一杯 So, maybe we could have a drink?

好吗 然后 就 看看会怎样 Yeah? And kind of kinda just see where it goes?

好的 Okay.

你想进来喝一杯吗 Would you like to come in and have a drink?

我可能不该进去 I probably shouldn't.

什么 我靠 What Holy crap.

你刚才拒绝了我两次 You just rejected me twice.

你为什么要那样做 我不知道 Why would you do that? I don't know.

我不知道为什么我做那么多事 I don't know why I do so many things.

晚安 不 Good night. No.

等等 迪伦 迪伦 Wait. Dylan! Dylan!

迪伦 拜托 Dylan! Come on.

哦 钥匙 弯钥匙的诅咒 Oh, the key. The curse of the bent key.

快点 快点 该死 Come on, come on. Shit.

你可以试着不那么疯狂地插 You could try it a little less psychotically.

好了 请走吧 不不不 Okay, please just go. No, no, no.

除非我等你进去 否则我就不算绅士 I wouldn't be a gentleman unless I waited for you to

哦 Oh.

好的 Okay.

晚安 Good night.

嘿 小虫 你确定不要我开车送你吗 Hey, Bug, you sure you don't want me to drive you?

不不不 我自己可以 No, no, no, I got it.

嘿 嗯 你为什么需要去看牙医 Hey, well, how come you need to go to the dentist?

因为我胳膊受伤了 Because I hurt my arm.

那是个笑话 放轻松 That's a joke. Relax.

我晚点回来 好的 I'll be back later. Okay.

大姑娘用力推 好 再见 Big push for a big girl. Yeah, see ya.

眼睛看地平线 收到 Eyes on the horizon. Got it!

你好 老兄 Hello, Guv!

格雷格 听说你在校园里 Greg. Heard you were on campus.

来吧 Come on.

把它放在杯垫上 好吗 Just pop it on a coaster for me, will ya?

我知道你是第一个获得华莱士奖学金 I understand that you're the first Russian Studies professor

的俄罗斯研究教授 to receive the Wallace Fellowship.

你不在乎我的奖学金 You don't care about my fellowship.

不 没人在乎 No. Nobody does.

嗯 是啊 我的朋友们经常谈论它 所以 Well, yeah, my friends talk about it quite a lot, so...

说一个名字 你不认识我任何一个朋友 Name one. You don't know any of my friends.

嗯 随便说个名字 Well, just throw a name out.

凯文 我赌一百万美金 Kevin. I will bet you a million dollars

你说不出凯文的姓 that you can't tell me Kevin's last name.

听着 格雷格 我知道你为什么来 好吗 Listen, Greg, I know why you're here, alright?

你喜欢契诃夫 对吧 You love Chekhov, right?

我错了 是的 我有点喜欢契诃夫 是的 I was wrong. Yeah, I like Chekhov a bit, yeah.

你不是有那本你引以为傲的愚蠢的契诃夫初版书吗 Don't you have that stupid first edition Chekhov book that you're so proud of?

是托尔斯泰 是列夫·托尔斯泰的 Tolstoy. It's the first edition

《战争与和平》初版 of War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy.

是的 我确实相当自豪 Yes, I am rather proud of it.

它可能是人类创造出的 It's probably one of the finest literary creations

最杰出的文学作品之一 所以 any human being has ever made, so...

你为什么背叛我女儿 Why did you cheat on my daughter?

听起来你想和那本书做爱 Sounds like you wanna make love to that book.

好的 你能直接说重点吗 格雷格 Okay. Could you just skip to the point, please, Greg?

不 因为我以为你喜欢契诃夫 No, because I thought that you loved Chekhov,

我花了一早上研究他 and I spent the morning researching him

为这次谈话做准备 看在上帝的份上 in preparation for this conversation For the love of God.

那么 就假装我是契诃夫的书迷吧 好的 Then, pretend that I am a fan of Chekhov. Okay.

听着 既然你这么喜欢契诃夫 Listen, since you love Chekhov so much,

你显然知道他说过 you obviously know that he said,

"任何人都不应受羞辱" "No one must be humiliated."

我一直在想这句话 I have been thinking about that a lot.

你怎么可能一直在想这句话 How could you have been thinking about that a lot

如果你只是今早才读到它 if you only just read it this morning?

你是侦探吗 嗯 Are you a detective? Well...

我的天 听着 My God! Look.

你他妈的需要像个男人一样担当起来 You need to man the fucking heck up.

凯蒂受到了羞辱 我认为你欠她的 Katie has been humiliated, and I think that you owe it to her.

我爱她 I love her.

是的 我爱她 I do, I love her.

那你到底在干什么 伙计 Then what are you doing, man?

我 I...

我只是 我迷失了 I just I got lost.

我们相处得不好 我们有点疏远 我就退缩了 We weren't getting along, and we drifted a bit, and I withdrew.

然后桑尼出现了 云就 And then along came Sunny, and the clouds

我不想知道关于桑尼的任何事 I'm cool not knowing anything about Sunny.

听着 Look.

对于我和凯蒂之间发生的事 I am ready and willing to take the lion's share of the blame

我准备并愿意承担主要责任 with what happened between me and Katie.

你是个英雄 谢谢 You are a hero. Thank you.

还有 你的朋友凯文不存在 And also, your friend Kevin is not real.

凯蒂和我都有需要努力改进的地方 Katie and I both have things that we need to work on,

而我想去努力 格雷格 and I want to do that work, Greg,

因为她仍然是我生命中 because she is still the most important thing

发生过的最重要的事 that's ever happened to me.

我想我真的搞砸了 And I think I've really cocked this up,

是吧 是的 haven't I? Yeah.

你搞砸了 You cocked it up.

你觉得她会重新接受我吗 Do you think she'll ever take me back?

我不会 I wouldn't.

但如果你想知道的话 But if you want to find out...

你就得他妈的像个男人一样 you have to man the fuck up.

你这次说得真到位 You really nailed it that time.

我不需要你的认可 好吧 I don't need your approval. Okay.

但是谢谢 But thank you.

博比·奥尔 Bobby Orr.

安大略省基奇纳人 Native of Kitchener, Ontario.

谁他妈在乎 我真不敢相信你找阿奇谈话了 Who gives a shit? I cannot believe that you spoke to Archie.

我得到承诺说你最终会因此爱我的 I was promised you'd eventually love me for it.

他想明天见我 He wants to see me tomorrow.

他说他认为找到了回来的路 He says that he thinks he's found a path back.

好啊 这是好事 对吧 Alright, that's a good thing, yeah?

为什么 因为他不再干那个女孩了 Why, because he's stopped banging that girl,

所以我就该跑回家 脱光我所有衣服吗 so I'm supposed to run home and rip off all my clothes?

我严重怀疑那不是他的"回来的路"的想法 I seriously doubt that that is his "path back" idea.

我知道你生气 I know you're mad.

我有个问题 I have a question.

你还爱他吗 Do you still love him?

该死 Shit.

你知道 我从没真正告诉你 为什么你妈妈和我分开 You know, I never really told you why your mom and I split up.

她背叛了你 She cheated on you.

哦 很好 所以你都知道 Oh, good, so you're in the loop.

不 No.

我最大的遗憾 My biggest regret...

是我没有为她争取 was that I didn't fight for her.

如果你爱他 别像我一样做个懦夫 If you love him, don't be a coward like I was.

如果我说我会去见他 If I say that I will go and see him,

你能别再让我做 will you please stop telling me to do things

我不想做的事吗 我保证 that I don't want to do? Promise.

还有 尽量友善点 天啊 Also, try to be kind. Jesus Christ.

你会想说一些 You're going to want to say some stuff

对他非常恶劣的话 他活该 that's really horrible to him, and he deserves it.

是的 但有些话 Yeah. But there are certain things

说了就收不回来了 亲爱的 you can't take back, honey.

我是根据经验说的 And I am speaking from experience.

就这些 去见他吧 That's all. Go see him.

尽量友善点 就这些 Try to be kind. That's it.

好的 我要走了 Okay, I'm gonna head out.

爱你 我明天早上去见过沃尔特后 Love you. I will drop by tomorrow morning

会顺道过来道别 爸爸 after I see Walt and say farewell. Dad?

你想留下来待会儿吗 Do you wanna stay and hang?

永远想 Always.

是的 我想 Yes, I do.

好的 Okay.

哦 哦 哦 哦 哦 Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

华氏185度下十五分钟 每周至少三次 Fifteen minutes at 185 degrees, at least three times a week.

加速新陈代谢 排出毒素 Speeds up the metabolism, flushes out the toxins,

且临床证明能将你患痴呆症的几率降低53% and is clinically proven to lower your chance of dementia by 53%.

你是不是个幸运的家伙 And aren't you a lucky guy?

你有那么多毛可以保暖 You have all that fur to keep the heat in.

是的 我感觉幸运 Yeah, I feel lucky.

不能说我很高兴你拒绝了我的工作邀请 Can't say I'm pleased you turned down my job offer.

抱歉 Sorry.

到十五分钟了吗 Has it been 15 minutes yet?

才九十秒 格雷格 Ninety seconds, Greg.

小子 你会爱上和冷水浴的对比的 Boy, you're gonna love the contrast with the cold plunge.

我等不及了 我很高兴看到 I can't wait. I am happy to see things

阿奇和凯蒂的情况出现转机 are turning the corner for Archie and Katie.

如果不得不让她走 那将是个遗憾 Would have been a shame to have to let her go.

你说什么 嗯 如果这场闹剧 Excuse me? Well, if this drama

失控了 我必须选一个留下 got outta hand, I had to pick one.

他有终身教职和华莱士奖学金 所以 He's got the tenure and the Wallace Fellowship, so

没人在乎那个 Nobody cares about that.

你结过婚吗 沃尔特 Have you ever been married, Walt?

我现在已婚 I am married now.

哇 哦 乔安妮 她热爱旅行 Wow. Oh. Joanie, she loves to travel.

我不爱 I don't.

所以 我们在一起两个月 分开两个月 So, we do two months together, two months apart,

然后这一年剩下的时间就这样重复 and then we just repeat that the rest of the year.

她几周后就回来了 She'll be back in a few weeks.

我等不及了 I can't wait.

听起来你解决了婚姻问题 Sounds like you've solved marriage.

是的 格雷格 I have, Greg.

嗯哼 是啊 你很幸运 Mm-hmm, yeah. You're lucky.

当你心碎的时候 那是 When you get your heart broken, it's...

那是 啊 算了 it's Ah, whatever.

别在意 你说别在意是什么意思 Never mind. What do you mean, never mind?

第三条 "桑拿房用于真诚对话" Number three, "hothouse is for real talk."

你找人专业定制的吗 You had that made up professionally?

我自己做的 在木工房 I made it, in woodshop.

不错 是的 Nice. Yep.

当你心碎的时候 When you get your heart broken,

感觉就像有人朝你脸上开了一枪 it feels like somebody shot you in the face.

即使已经过了五年也没用 It doesn't matter if it's been five years.

你就是 You just...

感觉你永远无法恢复 你知道吗 you feel like you're never gonna bounce back, you know?

不能让凯蒂也这样 Can't let that happen to Katie.

嗯 Hmm.

好了 Alright.

啊 凯蒂 Ah, Katie.

我不打算坐下 因为我不知道你们在哪儿做过爱 I'm not gonna sit down 'cause I don't know where you guys have had sex,

所以我踱步 好的 好吧 so I'm gonna pace. Right, okay.

那其实是我很想对你说的话 That's actually something I'd love to say to you

听着 我想说 不 等等 听着 Look, I wanted to say... No, hold on, listen,

我真的需要告诉你一些事 作为开场白 I really need to tell you something ...that to start off

不 不 不不 如果我先说 然后 No. No. No, no, if I can just go first and then

坐下 我正在努力控制自己不发火 Sit down! I'm trying really hard not to lose my shit here,

而你打断我 一点帮助都没有 and your interrupting me is not helping.

请坐下 闭嘴 Please, sit down and shut up.

不幸的是 我本来想说 你确实应该先说 Unfortunately, I was gonna say that you actually should start,

但你说的任何话 but there's nothing that you could say

都无法帮助我理解你怎么能这样对我 that would help me understand how you could do this to me.

你甚至都没试着解释 And you didn't even try to explain yourself.

你他妈认真的吗 Are you fucking serious?

努力解释 阿奇 那就会像 Trying to Archie, that's when you get

《日界线》里那些女人突然崩溃毒死丈夫一样 when those women on Dateline snap and poison their husbands.

因为我想过杀了你 Because I have thought about killing you.

我知道大声说出来不明智 And I know it's not smart to say out loud,

万一发生什么怪事 你真的死了 in case something weird happens and you do die,

然后酒吧里的其他人会说 "嗯 我听到她 and then somebody else in the bar is like, "Well, I heard her

我听到她谈论过她会怎么杀她丈夫" I heard her talking about how she'd kill her husband."

但我们不在酒吧 所以我觉得挺安全 But we're not in a bar, so I feel pretty safe.

我完全可以杀了你 I could so murder you.

老天爷啊 Good lord.

但我爸爸告诉我要友善 But my dad told me to be kind.

我只是不知道怎样才能做到友善 I just don't know how to get there.

我爱你 I love you.

而且我认为我们能挺过去 And I think we can get through this.

好的 Okay.

现在 你说吧 Now, you talk.

你说什么不重要 说点什么就好 It doesn't matter what you say. Just say something.

她没去看牙医 She didn't go to the dentist.

好吧 有点重要 不能是胡言乱语 Okay, it matters a little. It can't just be gibberish.

桑尼说她去看牙医 Sunny said that she was going to the dentist,

但她去了医生那里 嗯 牙医也是医生 but she went to the doctor's. Well, dentists are doctors.

她怀孕了 She's pregnant.

这就是我 我刚发现的 This is what I was I just found out.

我爱你 凯蒂 I love you, Katie.

我本来准备恳求你重新接受我 I was gonna beg for you to take me back.

我准备了一个解释一切的发言 I have this speech where I explain everything,

但我不找任何借口 but I don't make any excuses.

它非常好 我仍然可以说 It's really good. I can still say it.

滚出去 好吧 Get out. Okay.

这是我的房子 This is my house.

请出去 请出去 请出去 Please get out, please get out, please get out.

我真的爱你 凯蒂 去你的 I really do love you, Katie. Fuck you.

你知道你要待多久吗 Do you know how long you're gonna be?

滚出去 好吧 Get out. Okay.

你喜欢这种对比吗 不 Are you loving the contrast? No!

你正在激活棕色脂肪 You're activating the brown fat.

棕色脂肪不是真的 Brown fat is not real.

你不是那个意思 我是 You don't mean that. I do.

现在 我们将以你潜入水下五秒来结束 Now, we're gonna finish by you going under for five.

哦 Oh!

我不喜欢 我不喜欢 I don't like it. I don't like it.

哦 该死 Oh, shit.

哦 啊 啊 不 Oh, ah, ah! No!

不 不 不 不 不 No. No, no, no, no, no.

嗷 Ow!

嗷 啊 Ow. Ah!

哦 我的天 不 Oh, my, no.

嘿 贝丝 我知道你说过我不需要去见凯蒂 Hey, Beth, I know you said that I didn't need to go see Katie,

但我去了 而且我很高兴我去了 but I did, and I'm glad that I did.

而我 非常非常冷 And I am so, so cold.

有空给我打电话 再见 Call me when you can. Bye.

哦 我的天 Oh, my gosh.

你为什么要让我和他谈 Why would you make me talk to him?

嘿 各位 哦 不 这家伙 Hey, folks. Oh, no, this guy.

我一早上都和你在一起 等等 什么 I was with you all morning. Wait, what?

女士 口交那家伙 Ma'am. Blowjob guy.

嘿 Hey.

你们该不会碰巧知道这里 You guys wouldn't happen to know what's going on here

这火是怎么回事吧 不知道 with this fire, would you? No.

她一早上都和我在一起 She was with me all morning.

不 我没有 No, I wasn't.

哈 真的吗 Huh. Seriously?

好的 所以立刻出现了相互矛盾的说法 Okay, so immediately, conflicting stories.

你们两个都留在这儿好吗 Why don't you both stay here?

我去拿我的笔 I'm gonna go grab my pen.

别走 Do not leave.

我的笔呢 Where's my pen?

谁拿了我的笔 啊 Who's got my pen? Ah.

糟了 Shoot.

拜拜 Bye-bye.