Original subtitles

I want a sailor wants to see It's such a pity they should be left waiting on the

shore.

Girls at sea A chick to keep the company could never be a ball.

Walk the decks with the fairer sex is the sailor's idea of fun. She could slap your

face if you're out of place, but she can't get on the run. Girls at sea would bring

a million new recruits, every sailor on the ocean from the end of the state.

Every sailor on the ocean, from the Admiral to the Boston Monster Sea.

Have you been to the south of France before, Ted?

No, first time here.

Looks like Brighton to me.

Hotter, though?

Yes, much hotter.

Admiring the sights?

We were just having a look at that yacht, sir.

We couldn't quite make out their nationality.

British.

No, possibly French.

Hasn't your watch been relieved?

Yes, sir.

We were just going to be there, sir.

Come on, lads.

We've been ashore half an hour.

We haven't had a beer yet.

Oh, there's plenty of time for that, man.

Just let me work up a thirst.

Aye, Taff, look.

Mine's theirs. Oh, come on. Oh, we better go. We'll never get any peace until he's

had a couple of jokes. Okay, where's On? Don't bother about him. He's probably

having a quiet cup of cafe au lait at the seaman's mission. What is your name? My

name? Oh, it's um… what did he say? He didn't say nothing. He's got the ear cuts.

No, it's Drake. Yeah, Drake Francis Drake, you know, like the admiral? What's the

matter with you? Is that too strong to wear something? You and your admirals, you

want to have copied one of these days. What does he mean, copied? He means I'll get

promotion.

Oh, but I thought you were very high rank. That's right, Sherry. I haven't got far

to go now. Come on, Arc. Uh, Drake Francis, let's go down to the beach. What for?

It's nice and quiet up here. You don't want to go and mix with them sailors and all

that riffraff. Look, have you got a girlfriend you could find for young Wal? Yes,

she works now in the flower market. Soon she's free. What's she like? She's very

pretty. Pretty, yeah. Oh, pretty.

Yeah.

Pretty as you. Oh, much more. She's beautiful.

Oh, is she? Well, I'll tell you what.

Young Wal's a bit shy in front of strangers. He's got to know you.

Could we go along and meet this girl, and I can look after her?

Yeah, wait a minute. Shut up. Garçon.

Monsieur. Combien?

Eight-fifty, monsieur. Right.

I'll pay this one. You pay the next, huh?

Merci, monsieur.

Come on. Good morning, mademoiselle.

What lovely flowers. Oh, they are, monsieur.

Just at this moment they arrived.

Then I'm in luck. I'll buy the lot.

What? All of them? So, all box?

All boxes, please.

What a lucky girl.

No, I'm the lucky one. Could they be arranged in a bouquet?

Certainly. Will you wait, sir?

No, I'd like them sent to the Hotel Miramar before three o'clock this afternoon.

The lady is arriving around that time. Her name is Miss Eaton.

Look, it's on this card. Could it be included with the flowers?

Of course. That will be four thousand francs.

Four thousand.

One, two, three, four, and… something for you.

Yes, you're welcome, sir.

My pleasure.

Hello, sir.

You're a double-dealer, two croissants.

I thought you were a niece.

I was, but now I'm here, and so are you.

Right, right, I didn't mean any harm.

What's the matter?

What has he done?

Let me tell you what he has done.

He promised to marry.

Oh, spay.

Sir! What the devil are you doing?

Lost something, sir.

What?

Well, I'd sooner not say, sir.

Come on, man, out with it.

What are we?

Well, we came down here to buy some flowers, sir, for the mess, sir.

I bought me money out in a dirty thief, blabbed the lot, sir.

Except for a couple of sous fell down there, sir.

Did you report it to anyone?

No, I didn't want to cause any trouble, sir, being in a foreign port.

Sounds a most unlikely story.

If it had been anyone else, I wouldn't have believed it for a moment.

But, as it you are...

Oh, thank you, sir.

Look, here's 500 francs.

That ought to keep you going for a while.

Oh, couldn't possibly do that, sir.

Go on, man. Take it.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Now, be more careful in the future.

Very good, sir.

Carry on.

Sir.

Let's get out of here. It's dangerous.

Here they come. Getting excited?

I'm longing to be too, Bob.

I hope you'll like him. Sure I will.

Do you think he's going to propose today?

Yes, but I'm trying not to think about it.

For goodness sakes, boy!

I want it to be a surprise.

Lovely to see you again, Jill.

Wonderful to see you too, Bobby. Thank you for the lovely flowers.

Mary, this is Bobby. Mary Carlson.

Hello. Nice to know you.

Would you like to come this way?

Thank you.

What's the matter, Commander? No, nothing, Lady Hewitt. I only thought I saw

someone I knew. Jill. Yes?

Jill, there's something I want to ask you. Excuse me, sir. Who's the wolf? That's

the Commander.

His partner doesn't look quite his type. He can't help himself. He's on duty.

That's Regulation Reggie's wife. Regulation Reggie? Commander-in-chief. Admiral Sir

Reginald Victor Hewitt. Excuse me.

Let's see.

Jill, ever since I met you, I...

Drink, miss?

Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

Cheers, darling.

Jill, listen, I...

I am listening.

If you want this dance, you better ask me now.

Excuse me.

Teddy, how about that song?

Is it okay?

If I say so.

All right.

Excuse me.

Yes, sir, excuse me.

Now, before anything else can happen to stop me, will you marry me?

Of course I will.

Thank you very much. For a lovely evening. Thank you very much. For a lovely time.

To me it seems very plain. I hope I'm wrong.

We'll be together again tomorrow night.

Thank you very much. For the way you thrill me. Thank you very much.

For a dream come true.

I'm so glad that I found you and had my arms around you. For this and heaven too.

Thank you very much. Can I get you a drink, Lady Hewitt?

No, thank you. It's a little early for drinking. Perhaps you'll get a dance. Oh,

pleasure. I shall go below. I have some matters to discuss with the captain. I

leave you in good hands, Kitty. Don't be long, Reggie. I want to go ashore, sir.

Very well, my dear.

Look, Jill, stay on board and have dinner with me this evening. I'd love to.

Wouldn't the captain mind?

We don't have to worry the captain. We'll see what the commander says. Can Mary

stay too?

Yes, of course.

He will see. I get pleasure.

Can't move, can't speak, can't do anything. I'm on duty.

It's me to the captain.

Now, look, I'll come ashore tomorrow. If only you go away now.

That's what you said last year.

And when tomorrow comes, you sail away tonight.

I won't this time. I promise, I...

Scram for the love of Mike.

Who is Mike?

Oh, my goodness. Allie, Allie.

Here, what's she doing down here?

Looking for the powder room.

What?

For this and heaven too.

Thank you very much.

I said thank you very much.

Madam, I've heard about you.

Thank you very much.

I can sit in. It's a pleasure.

He has.

Mm-hmm. We want you to join us in Bobby's cabin.

Well, I'd love to, but I promised the next dance to Popeye.

Well, as soon as you can, they're sure.

Let's go, Mary.

Is Lady Hewitt coming below, sir?

No, I left her on deck. She's dancing.

I see. What is it, Arthur?

I wondered if the commander-in-chief would like to see the photographs I took of

him in Venice on a last cruise.

Put them down over there. I'll look at them later.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid Arthur's a bit of a bore with these photographs.

He might have worse hobbies. Women, for instance.

Yes, indeed, sir.

I expect you'll be glad when this party's over and you can get the ship back to

yourself again.

Quite frankly, sir, I shall.

The ladies ashore. God bless them.

You can't go out there, miss.

Why not?

Well, that's the bridge.

The captain up there?

Oh, I can't say. Official secret.

I want to see him. Take me to him.

Oh, that's not possible. Not just now at least.

Now, why don't you join a party, seeing over the ship?

I don't want to see over the ship.

No, just you join a sightseeing party like a good little girl.

And maybe, if you ask him nicely, the officer in charge will take you to see the

captain when he's free.

I won't leave this ship until I have seen the captain.

Thank you, Maitland.

Delighted to see you, sir.

Don't bother to come up on deck with me.

Might meet a lady.

Goodbye, sir.

It's a pleasure.

Why, you're strong.

Tries to keep fit.

So stupid of me, but I'm not used to these kind of stairs.

Have you hurt yourself?

Oh, I don't think so.

Careful.

No, I'm all right.

Okay.

Yes.

You're American, how did you guess? And you're English? Well, one hopes so. Lean on

me. Oh, where are you going? Bobby's cabin? Sounds like a bar. No, he's the captain

of marines. Marines seem to be half soldiers and half sailors as far as I can make

out. I see. They told me upstairs to come down here, and it's at the end of that

corridor. What are you doing on this floating safe deposit? Uh, I'm uh visiting

from another ship, a tourist from the PNO liner. Well, not exactly a tourist. Oh,

I'm sorry. Well, you've been most kind, but I think I can manage by myself now. You

don't want to risk a sprained ankle. No, I'm quite all right. Besides, the party's

almost over. You better go up. Uh, you'll have to go ashore soon. Uh, they'll wait

for me. Oh, please. I don't want you to get into trouble. I can assure you that I

won't get into any trouble. I'm perfectly all right. You're quite sure? Quite sure.

Thank you so much. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Hello, dear. There's no need for you to come down for me. I'm not so sure who was

there. No idea, my dear. One of the guests lost her way, not quite familiar with

the ship, really. She looked much too familiar to me. Open up, sentry, sir. Our

gyro compass room, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, you know, this really takes me back here.

Why, this is just wonderful, Harry.

You are the officer of navigation.

Yes, that's right, sir.

Yeah, tell me, what measures do you take to correct compass variations caused by

the ship's pole of magnetism?

The fluctuating divergences between true north and magnetic?

That's all taken care of, sir.

Good.

This is the gyro compass, ladies and gentlemen.

When we're at sea, it electrically controls the navigation compass on the bridge.

It's so constructed that factors which disturb the older type of compass don't

affect this one.

Oh, that's very interesting, isn't it?

Now, the mechanism operating the gyro compass is controlled from this panel, but a

red light on the bridge warns the navigator immediately if the gyro stops working

for any reason.

Now, this isn't the only gyroscopic compass on board, is it?

Oh, no, sir. There's another one for it.

And if they both break down?

We have a magnetic compass.

What happens if they all break down?

We just pull the plug out.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think that's about all.

Would you like to come up on the quarter- deck and have a drink?

May I lead the way?

Put two clips on the bulkhead door, secure that hat, and report to Corporal Doctor.

Very good, sir. It really was good.

I never thought you'd get round to it.

Oh, I'm a very patient man.

Thank you, Commander.

You're welcome.

Good evening.

Good evening, Mr. Guyard. Just here, please.

Now, darling, close your eyes and don't open till I tell you.

I open.

Where do you go after this?

Barcelona, next week.

You get to some pretty gay places.

We don't complain. At least I don't.

Your captain doesn't show himself very much.

The captain is the loneliest man in a ship.

He never comes to the wardroom unless he's invited.

Mind you, if there's any occasion he particularly wishes to attend, he makes

certain that he is invited.

What about this evening?

I doubt he even knows we have guests on board.

He's a good man, he just doesn't believe in women.

But regarding Popeye, you can't tell me he doesn't believe in women.

You mean that young man you were dancing with?

I quite liked him.

We could send for him, if you wish, with the commander's permission.

Permission denied.

Yes, what is it?

The officer of the watch reports, sir, and the boat to shore is ready and departs

in five minutes.

Does that mean we must go ashore?

I'm afraid so.

Oh, but it's still early. Surely that isn't the last boat.

Well, there is another boat.

Commander, could we possibly take the last boat?

Please.

Well, yes, I suppose we could make an exception.

Tell the officer of the watch my guest will go ashore on the last boat.

Aye, aye, sir.

Did you want a word with me, sir?

Sorry.

Does that mean our boat's alongside?

Oh, no. We've got time for one more dance before you go.

Now, let's see. What have we got?

Ah, here we are.

Oh, er, will you excuse us, mademoiselle?

Certainly.

For a lovely evening.

Thank you very much. For a lovely time.

To me it seems very plain. I hope I'm wrong. We'll be together again.

Tomorrow night. Do you always sing to your partners when you're dancing?

No, only to those I intend to marry. Darling, how very romantic.

Thank you very much. For a dream come true.

I'm so glad that I found you.

And had my arms around you.

For this and heaven too.

Thank you very much.

Our motorboat's been damaged. They can't get it seaworthy until the morning.

What about the other one?

That's having an engine change. The motor cutter isn't available either.

Does the old man know?

Not yet. I shall have to tell him when I break the news about our guests.

Lord, he'll hit the ceiling.

Well, it's not your fault the boat's damaged.

It won't make any difference.

Well, here goes.

If I don't return in five minutes, send in a stretcher party.

We'll come with you and explain.

Thanks all the same. That'd make things ten times worse.

The commander's wrong, you know.

Five minutes with the captain, we'd have a meeting out of our hands.

Of course we should.

It would be no good.

Well, we could at least try.

Show us where to go and then leave it to us.

Yes, Bobby, you don't even need to come with us.

We'll introduce ourselves.

It's very sweet of you both wanting to help, but the answer is finally and

definitely no.

Well, come to the point, Commander.

You see...

The motorboat has been damaged.

Yes, I know that, but there are no liberty men ashore.

No, sir, nothing is going ashore. They won't last until morning.

Well, is it?

The fact is, sir, two ladies have been left behind.

Left behind? What do you mean, left behind?

From the party, sir. They are still on board.

Two ladies. Two women, sir.

Yes, yes, I understand. Two females.

But what do you mean, left over from the party?

It's like there were a couple of stale sandwiches.

Who is responsible for them being on board?

I gave permission for them to stay for dinner, sir.

Yes, but why didn't they go ashore on time?

They asked to be allowed to wait for the last boat, sir.

Now the last boat isn't going.

What on earth are we going to do with them?

I suppose they can share a bunk.

Have you ever tried sleeping two in a bunk, sir?

No, I haven't.

You apparently have.

No, sir, but they must have separate beds.

Yes, but whose beds?

The Admiral's suite isn't available, sir. It's being painted.

So?

Well, it's your sleeping cabin, sir, and your guest cabin.

The bathroom in between would be very convenient for them, sir.

With your almost morbid passion for domestic detail, you'd planned where I should

sleep, I suppose.

Well, I did think perhaps you wouldn't mind using your bridge cabin.

No.

I will not have my ship turned into a blasted dormitory for women.

They must be landed at once.

Lower a pulling boat and pack them ashore in that.

I'm afraid it can't be done, sir.

The wind's rising and there's quite a heavy sea running already.

Very well. Then send a signal to the flagship asking for the use of their motorboat.

Say, uh, come in!

May I present Captain Maitland?

Miss Eaton?

How do you do?

Miss Carlton?

How do you do?

Uh, Captain Maitland, we've come to apologize for causing you all this trouble.

We're terribly sorry it was all our fault.

Ooh.

As captain of the ship, may I say how very much I regret the inconvenience you have

been caused.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Cigarette?

Not at the moment, thank you.

Now, what about sleeping accommodation for our guest commander?

Have you any suggestions?

Well, yes, sir. I suggest I have to keep my cabin.

If the ladies won't mind sharing a bunk.

Have you ever tried sleeping two in a bunk?

Like, whatever you're thinking of, commander, I wouldn't dream of asking Miss

Carlton and Miss Eaton to share a cabin.

No, sir.

Certainly not.

I shall have great pleasure in putting my sleeping cabin at your disposal, Miss

Carlton.

And Miss Eaton can occupy my guest cabin.

Thank you very much, Captain.

That's very kind of you.

Not at all. There's a bathroom between the two cabins, which is very convenient.

Very convenient.

But if we turn you out of your suite, where will you sleep?

Oh, it's quite simple. I can easily use my bridge cabin, can't I, commander?

Yes, sir. Now you mention it.

Now, let's see if we can find you something to sleep in.

Now, you don't have to trouble about that, captain.

We can easily manage for one night.

Oh, please, it's no trouble at all.

My compliments to the sub-lieutenant's in G cabin.

Ask them to be good enough to let me have at least one pair of pajamas each,

preferably silk.

Yes, sir.

And to bring a selection of dressing gowns as well, including my own and the

commander's.

Very good, sir.

I wonder if I might tell Bobby that everything's all right.

He's terribly worried.

Bobby?

Captain Randall. Don't you call him Bobby?

No, not usually. I’ll send for him.

Oh, still bitter. Commander, please take Miss Eaton with you, Captain Randall.

Yes, sir.

You were dictating a signal to the flagship, sir.

You didn’t finish it.

Thank you, Commander.

I’ve decided it’s no longer necessary.

Very good, sir.

Would you like a drink, Miss Cull?

No, thank you.

Another cigarette, perhaps?

I still have one.

Oh, yes, of course we have.

Astrid.

Oh.

Here we are.

I love your boat.

Boat? Oh, yes.

Yes, I’m rather attached to it.

Uh, what’s out there?

The stern wall.

Would you like to see it?

I'd love to.

Oh, this is lovely.

Is it all for you?

Yes, it’s the custom and the service I’m afraid for the captain to keep rather to

himself.

I suppose you make up for it, though, when you go ashore.

I mean, when you’re with your friends.

No, I haven't been with your friends.

Is that a custom of the service?

No, it’s just that I don’t slip easily into friendship.

You seem to be slipping along all right with me.

No, quite.

I've never met him, will you?

That's right.

May I call you?

Oh, sure.

And what's your Christian name?

Alwyn.

Alwyn?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

Oh, gee.

Oh, I don't think Alwyn suits you at all.

No, I think we'll have to keep Alwyn for holidays in the 4th of July and find you

another name for everyday use.

Captain's compliments, gentlemen.

Would you please be good enough to let me have your best silk pajamas?

What, four? Four pairs?

Have you been at the brandy again, Arthur?

Go and sleep it off.

It's the captain's orders, gentlemen.

If you don't give them to me, I have to help myself.

Hey! You can't be out here!

Police, gentlemen! It's the captain's orders, huh?

What's the old man doing, giving a pyjama party?

Signal from the flagship, sir.

Reply, thank you, but we have nothing to send ashore until the morning.

That's all. Aye, sir.

What was all that about?

The flagship noticed our motorboat was hoisted in board and offered us the use of

theirs.

And you refused?

Yes, I did.

Yes?

Thank you.

Did you find Bobby?

No, he'd gone on duty or something.

He'd left all his rounds.

Tonight where, sir?

Thank you, Arthur.

What a gorgeous selection.

How does this suit make?

Very chic.

Are our stripes in fashion this season?

Oh, yes, madame.

Listen, what's that?

Eight bells, midnight.

Oh, it's getting late, are you?

Yeah, I guess we'd better go to our bedrooms.

Well, we must take these with us and go on choosing.

I'll take them.

Now, I'll show you the way to your cabin.

You're over there, Missy.

Thank you.

Just here, sir.

This is your cabin.

Oh, I must remember.

Remember what?

Call it cabin and not bedroom.

Now, the dressing table's here, and the bathroom is through there.

Oh, and I've just remembered.

My sister sent me some eau de cologne. You'd better use it.

I'm sorry. I mean, I'd be very happy if you would care to use it.

Now, if there's anything else you want, don't hesitate to ask.

I shan't be turning in for at least half an hour.

Well, thank you, but I'm sure the Navy's provided every comfort.

Good night.

Good night.

Now, what?

Commander, I want a sentry detailed.

A sentry, sir?

Yes, a sentry.

Yes, sir.

Where?

Of course, on these two sleeping cabins.

What do you think the ship's company would say?

You can imagine the hours that would be spent talking about it on the mess deck.

So I need a thoroughly steady and reliable man for the job.

Do we have one?

Yes, I think so, sir.

There's a man who's been a lifelong abstainer, married with six children, and

belongs to one of those strict religions.

Well, he seems suitably handicapped.

Orders for sentry duty in the Captain's Lobby.

Power one: the sentry's post extends from bulkhead 186 to bulkhead 201.

He shall walk his post in a soldier-like manner and not leave it under any pretext

unless duly authorized.

Not to your front.

Power two: his duties shall consist of preventing access to all cabins on his post

to all unauthorized persons.

Power three: he is to place himself at the disposal of the occupants of the set

cabins as may be required.

Signed, R. Randall, OCRM.

Do you understand your orders?

I think so, Corporal.

What do you mean you think so?

Don't you know what you're here for?

There are a couple of females in those cabins.

Two?

You did say two, Corporal, not one.

What do you mean, one? Two?

What's the matter with you, old man? Are you frightened of women?

Of course not, Corporal. You know me.

They've never had anything to do with them.

Excuse me, Corporal. I don't quite understand paragraph three.

Is it plain enough?

Well, it says he'll place himself at the disposal of the occupants.

Man to man, Corporal. What does that mean?

Well, it says, of course.

Anyhow, I didn't draft the orders.

Should an emergency arise, you'll just have to use your resourcefulness and act

according to the manual of infantry training.

I don't like it, Corporal. I'm a married man.

That's why you were picked for the job, lad.

Very good, Corporal.

Now, when you walk your post, try not to make too much noise.

Don't breathe too heavy.

I doubt these ladies have the abbot sleeping for a century.

Mary, listen. Do you hear that?

Squeaking.

It's mice.

That's too loud for mice.

Then it must be rats.

Good evening, miss.

What are you doing here?

Sentry duty, miss.

I have it all written down. Just a moment.

Paragraph two.

Preventing unauthorized access to those two cabins, miss.

Paragraph three.

To be at the disposal of the occupants, as needed.

Thank you.

Is there anything you need, miss?

My friend heard a squeaking noise, and we're worried it's mice.

Mice?

It's your boot.

Huh?

They squeak.

Oh, and you thought they were mice?

Stupid, wasn't it?

Good night.

Good night, miss.

Sentry.

Sir, who are you speaking to?

One of the young ladies, sir.

She heard my boots squeaking, sir.

Would you have to wear squeaking boots when everyone's trying to sleep?

No, sir.

Captain's orders, sir.

Captain's orders?

They squeaked.

Disturbed the young ladies, sir.

Oh.

Stand properly.

What's that?

My big toe, sir.

I can see that, but what do you mean by coming on duty with a hole in your sock?

I didn't know I had to take their boots off, sir.

I'm surprised at you, Og. You of all people.

Yes, sir.

Bobby!

Just a minute.

As I expected.

Corporal, sir!

There's no hot water.

Jump forward to the engineer's office and tell them about it.

Very good, sir.

And you, Og?

Sir.

You go to the engine room in case the engineer officer of the watch is down there.

Permission to carry my boots on the journey, sir?

Yes, very well. Take them with you.

Sir.

I see you're wearing my dressing gown.

The lovely one.

Whose pajamas are you wearing?

I don't know.

About ten.

It's that little brute noise.

Mary's Popeye.

I'll make him sell him to me.

Matter reported to the engineer officer of the watch, sir.

Thank you.

Captain Randall, what's the meaning of all this uproar?

Uproar, sir?

Yes, uproar. Who's responsible?

Well, you see, sir, I...

Shut up.

I am waiting, Captain Randall.

Is this a private party or can anybody join in?

Carry on, Captain Randall.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me a minute.

As I expected, sir. There's no hot water. Find the engineer after the watch and

tell him about it. Yes, sir. I couldn't sleep now.

I'm not surprised with all this racket going on. Didn't matter, I was awake anyway,

and I heard your voice so I came out. I was rather hoping you would. I see you're

wearing my dressing gown. Oh, is this sure?

I'm so glad. Look, I'll be able to go ashore tomorrow. Could we meet somewhere? I

think that could be a thing. With us, the commander and Randall. I understand. It's

quiet, man.

We'll fix it in the morning. Yes. Good night, Miss. Good night.

Message delivered to the engineer officer, sir. Thank you. That's all.

Scotia from C&C, raise steam for 25 knots and prepare to sail for Genoa at 0200.

Is the shoreline secure?

Yes, sir.

Please get my wife from the hotel.

Hello. Lady Hewitt here. Ritchie!

I must leave immediately for Genoa, my dear.

Where?

G for Gertrude, E for Emily, N for Nora, O for Olive, A for Agnes.

When did you know?

Just now, my dear. Two hours ago, to be exact.

It's very strange. Every time I join you abroad, you immediately get sailing orders

elsewhere.

I go to Copenhagen, you go to Oslo.

I join you in Montevideo, you're off to Chile.

But I have no say in this, my dear. It's an order from the Admiralty.

I have to attend a NATO conference.

A what?

NATO. N for Nelly, A for...

Agnes, Amelia, Alice.

And I suppose that young woman I saw you with this afternoon was a NATO delegate.

Don't interrupt. There's no more to be said, goodbye.

Come on, come on, like a lad.

Short leg, man, short leg.

Sound, watch of the hands.

Come on, smack it. Jump to it, come on.

If he'd known about our guests, he couldn't have timed him more awkwardly.

Might be worse.

General was only four hours by train from Cairn.

We could have been ordered to Tangier.

Or even Madeira.

Yes, I suppose so.

Anyway, there's no need to bother the girls until the morning.

We'll get them ashore, first thing.

They won't mind.

They'll think it's all rather fun.

It isn't the first time this sort of thing's happened, you know.

It was the case of the famous Miss X.

Who?

Oh, it was years ago.

A girl was caught on board a destroyer when it was ordered to sea.

She had to spend the night on board.

Of course, it was all hushed up and nobody ever knew who she was.

Come in.

Signal from the flagship, sir.

What, another?

What does it say?

That's Tornet. The C&C's coming aboard, sir.

What? When?

He's on his way now. He's transferring his flag.

All right, acknowledge.

Aye, sir.

What are we going to do? He's bound to want one of those bunks.

Why not make a clean breast of it, sir?

I'm afraid we can't.

Well, after all, it was unavoidable.

Our motorboat broke down.

Yes, and the flagship offered us the use of theirs, and I signalled...

Well, never mind what I signalled.

Oh.

Look, you know what a stickler the old man is for regulations.

If he gets one look at those girls, we're sunk.

The first thing to do is to wake them up and yank them out of those cabins.

Yes, but where then?

Why not take them onto your cabin?

With half the ship's company looking on, sir?

Bundle them into one of the cabins and get hogged to square up the bunk in the

other for the old man.

I'll go on deck and try and delay him to give you as much time as possible.

Don't let bedding. The Admiral's coming on board.

Jump to it, man.

Sure.

Morning, Captain. Morning, sir.

Quartermaster, tell that man to square off his cap rhythm.

You expect my last signal, made you think?

Yes, it did, sir.

I have to attend a NATO conference in Genoa, 11 o'clock tomorrow morning.

The Americans will be there, so I should like you with me.

It's about next month's combined exercises.

Oh, really, sir? It should be very interesting.

Come on, girls. I've got to hurry.

I'll bring my things into your cabin.

Now, why should you bother me? I'll come into your...

But I suggested it first. I don't care.

All right, I'll make up your minds for you.

Jill, you join Mary in her cabin.

Okay.

You can hear any minute. For heaven's sake, hurry.

In here.

Sir.

Tell the captain I'm going to assist the flag lieutenant in my cabin.

Very good, sir.

Would you like to go on the bridge, sir?

What on earth should I want to go on the bridge for?

Well, there's a wonderful view from there, sir. It's quite exceptional.

Thank you, Captain. I'll take your word for it.

Please show me to my cabin. I want to turn in.

I've got a busy day ahead of me.

Yes, sir. But that's just it, sir. Your suite isn't available. It's being painted.

Well, all right. It's being painted. That's not the only cabin at my disposal, is

it?

Oh, no. No, certainly not, sir.

Well, very well, then. Please show me to my sleeping cabin.

Yes.

Oh, have a look around and see if I've left anything, will you, Mr. Aug? There's a

deer.

Yes, miss.

Well, which one? The middle one's your bathroom, sir.

Yes, I know that. I don't want a bath, I want a bunk to sleep in.

Yes, sir, the bathroom. That reminds me, sir, I wanted to consult you about the sub-

lieutenant's bathroom, sir.

I did send in a report, but... Yes, I seem to remember something. What about it?

Would you care to inspect it now, sir? Look, Maitland, I don't want to go

sightseeing on the bridge.

I don't want to inspect sub-lieutenant's bathrooms. I don't want to do anything

except get some sleep.

Yes, sir. Well, would you care for a nightcap in my day cabin?

No, I wouldn't. Thanks very much, all the same. Now, Maitland, would you mind

showing me which is my cabin?

I don't know, sir. I shall have to ask the commander.

Why? Have you appointed him groom of the bedchamber or something?

No, no, sir, of course not. I thought you might like him to report you before you

retire.

Oh, regulations. Oh, don't bother about that. If he has anything to report, he can

report to you and you can pass it on to me.

Now, where do I sleep?

Well, there's one way of finding out.

You're absolutely certain that you wouldn't like to see the commander, sir?

I am absolutely positive.

Wouldn't you rather wait until your luggage is unpacked?

No, I wouldn't. Now, Maitland, would you mind opening that door?

Sir, the commander-in-chief's bunk is squared up as auditor.

Where are your boots, man? Haven't you got any boots?

Yes, sir. But you're not wearing them?

No, sir. Captain Maitland, this man's half-naked.

Why have you no boots on? I was told to take them off, sir.

Why? They squeaked, sir.

Well, what does that matter? Who told you to take them off?

Captain's orders, sir. Have you taken leave of your senses, man?

No, sir. Well, explain yourself, man.

Why, I realize what's happened, sir. This man has misinterpreted a reprimand as an

order.

Stand to attention properly, sir.

Take your boots, man, and put them on.

Sir. And try to remember this is a warship, not a nursing home.

Very good, sir.

Captain Maitland, I shall require a full explanation of this matter in the morning.

I never thought I'd live to see the day.

Board a ship in my command, a sentry in socks.

What the devil's the matter with you, Courtney?

Nothing, sir. Nothing.

All right, carry on. See if I get a shake at seven.

Yes, sir.

Good night, sir. Good night.

Good night, sir.

What's the matter, flags?

Nothing, sir.

Where's the flag littering at sleeping?

In the commander's cabin, sir.

You know where that is?

Yes, sir.

I ain't going on the bridge.

Carry on, sentry.

Sir.

Good night, sir.

Good night, flags.

Sentry.

Sir.

You understand the position?

Most, sir.

If anything goes wrong, telephone the...

Sweet.

Very good, sir.

Yes, miss? The admiral's trying to get into our cabin.

What for, miss? Search me. I've never met a British admiral before.

Anyway, you tell him to go back to bed and go to sleep. Me, miss?

Pair of three, remember, to put yourself at our disposal.

It's different now, miss. I don't think the admiral is supposed to know I'm here,

miss.

Well, you'd better do something quicker. He's gonna have that door down.

I'll phone the bridge.

The admiral's trying to get at the young ladies, sir.

Oh, Commander. Yes, sir?

I want to change cabins. The bunk in there's a thwartship's, and I prefer to sleep

fore and aft.

Oh, I see, sir. What's wrong with this door? Let me have a look, sir.

There's no good just looking, and that key doesn't fit.

Strange. It's the master key, sir.

There must be a key on the other side. You wait there, and I'll fix it, sir.

Oh, you don't.

Never happens to you.

He, sir?

Are you there, sir?

Of course, I'm here.

The key is very stiff, sir.

I'll have to get something to lever it.

All right.

But hurry up.

Listen, get all your things together in the bay.

And when I say go, head around that way into the other cabin.

What are you doing?

Just a minute, sir.

It's turning.

There, sir.

Commander, are you still there?

Yes, sir.

Now, the lobby door won't open.

Well, perhaps if I push and you pull, sir, at this door, we can get it open

together.

All right. Are you ready?

Yes, sir.

One, two, three, go.

We'll try again.

Right, sir.

One, two, three, go.

We've managed this, sir.

I'll go in here and get the rest of my gear.

You go in there, and I'll get someone to bring you things and square up your bunk.

Excuse me, sir.

Yes?

Get the animals things from the other cabin.

Yes, sir.

Come in.

I hope you'll be more comfortable in here, sir.

I thought I could change cammins myself without troubling anybody, but I was wrong.

Here, the simplest operation seems to require half the ship's company.

It's, um, the doors, sir.

They're very tricky.

I know that.

They only seem to open from one side.

Well, it all depends on which side you're on, sir.

Ah, you think so.

Ah.

I'll square up my bunk myself.

Leave my gear.

Sir.

Good night, Clonada.

Good night, sir.

I hope you have a good night, sir.

What's left of it?

Watkins.

Sir.

Find the commander and ask him to come up on the bridge.

Aye, sir.

I'm going below till we sail.

Yes, sir.

He's going to be big enough, too.

We'll soon find out.

Scooch on.

Oh, the light.

Close!

The commander, chum, went along there a couple of minutes ago.

My cabin as soon as possible.

Pretty good, sir.

Hey, be gentle. You'll wake the old man.

Ma'am, can't you turn Jill over or something?

Who is that?

I'm sorry, sir. I was just passing by and thought I heard you call out.

Call out? I was asleep.

Perhaps you were dreaming, sir.

That wouldn't surprise me at all.

I'm very sorry. Good night, sir.

Who's coming the wrong way?

Oh, no. He just broke in.

Then he knows about you and Jill.

When he broke in from the bathroom, we escaped via the overland route.

The commander organized it.

Good. Well, I'm sorry I disturbed you.

Oh, it's alright. I wasn't asleep.

No, no.

Alwyn, do you think I could go out for a little peace of mind?

The old men hate smoking, he'd smell it, and come out to find it.

Couldn't we go up to Rue?

Up there.

We're in the Quarterdeck.

Here we are.

Yes.

You know, this is much nicer than the Rue.

I'll never be able to call it the Quarterdeck again.

You shouldn't play with fire.

I don't.

Tell me about yourself.

I know you're not married, but do you have a family or a home?

No family. I have a home, a small house in Sussex.

It used to belong to my father.

You Seiten photogram.

draw.

Phione.

Oh, and will you live there when you retire as an admiral?

As an admiral? There's not much chance of that, I'm afraid.

It's a very different sort of Navy these days. They're cutting down.

For every captain who becomes an admiral, about five of us will have to go on the

beach.

The beach?

I mean, out of every six of us, five are booked for the acts.

Oh.

One slip and you're out.

Jill and my being on board tonight, would that be counted as a slip by the admiral?

I expect so, if they found out about it.

We must see that they don't find out about it.

Yeah.

Tell me about yourself.

What are you doing in Cannes?

Holiday.

I was staying in London with Jill, where distant cousins are known.

She said that she wanted to come to Cannes, so I came too.

Solemn thought.

What is?

If you and Jill weren't distant cousins, we'd never have them.

Bridge, please.

Bridge?

Captain?

No, sir.

Marine Ogg.

Commander here, what is it, Ogg?

One of the young ladies is missing, sir.

What?

Oh, well, don't worry.

She's probably just gone to...

Oh, of course, sir.

I never thought of that, sir.

Very good, sir.

The gyro's packed in, sir.

Tell the drone OEA to go below and...

No, wait a minute.

Captain's lobby.

Hogg?

Yes, sir?

No, she hasn't come back yet, sir?

I think she's probably got lost and landed up in the gyro-compass room.

Now, below and see.

She couldn't do that, sir. The door's locked under.

Do as I say and don't bloody well argue.

Very good, sir. Right away, sir.

I've said the half-dex centre down to see what's the matter.

Yes, sir.

The gyro's working again, sir.

Hogg's fixed it.

How the blazing did you get in here?

Never mind!

I locked that door myself. What are you doing on board?

Messing away with the gyro-compass?

I came on to this ship to see the captain, and that is what I am going to do.

Oh, no, you aren't, my girl. Now, you listen to me.

I listen to you no more.

Come back, will ya?

You sent me, sir. Hello, Miss Carlton.

Hello.

Captain Randall, you'll be in charge of our guests in the morning.

Thank you, sir.

I want you to escort them ashore by the first boat.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, Captain Randall.

Sir.

Well, I guess I'd better be going.

Good night, Alwyn.

Move over, honey.

Oh, what the...

I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else.

Who were you, madam?

Don't you remember me? We met earlier today.

I didn't know you were an admiral.

Madam, be good enough to hand me my dressing gown.

Certainly.

I must explain about coming in here just now, but you see, I was in this cabin

earlier and I forgot I'd been switched.

Now, madam, I insist on a full explanation.

You may turn around now.

What are you doing on board this ship at this hour of the night in the captain's

quarters in that attire?

Well, I assure you, it isn't as bad as it looks.

Madam, will you kindly answer my question?

If there is an answer...

Of course there's an answer. I'm the captain's wife.

Wife?

Is Maitland married? He never told me.

Well, perhaps he hasn't had time. It was quite recent.

When?

This morning. Oh, I do hope you're not angry with me.

My dear Mrs. Maitland, the question of anger does not arise.

Meeting you here under these somewhat unusual circumstances explains quite a lot.

Where are you going?

Mrs. Maitland, whatever the consequences to others of your most irregular presence

here, I cannot allow you to suffer personal inconvenience.

Oh, no, you mustn't go. I must be the one to go.

Certainly not. Don't worry. I'll return to the other cabin.

Well, I wish you'd stay in here.

You are a nuisance, waking me up in the middle of the night.

And who, might I ask, are you, madam?

Well, if it comes to that, who, might I ask, are you?

I am the commander-in-chief.

The admiral?

Yes, madam.

Might I inquire what you are doing on board this...

Are you somebody's wife, too?

Yes, I am.

And whose wife are you?

The captain's, of course.

Captain Mayton.

Yes.

Am I going mad, or are you the most accomplished bigamist afloat?

Sir, I don't understand.

Now, sir, I only require you to explain one thing.

To which of these two ladies are you married, and is the other aware of it?

Married, sir.

I'm not married to either of them, sir. I'm not married to anyone.

Well, listen, Admiral, I only said I was married because I thought it would be less

embarrassing for you finding yourself in my cabin.

Me, too. I was only thinking of you.

Captain Maitland, I shall hold an inquiry first thing in the morning. Prior, I

should think, to a court marshal.

May I have a word with you alone, sir?

Good night to you, Captain Maitland.

I feel terrible about this.

Me, too.

Well, we can't do anything until the morning. The ship's putting to sea and I have

to go on the bridge.

Try and get some sleep and don't worry about it.

Where is the captain?

Never mind it. You're my dream.

Nobody else is.

All quiet below, sir?

No, it isn't, but I can't go into that now.

Everything ready, Commander?

Yes, sir.

Obey telegraphs.

The trial is packed up, sir.

All right, tell the electoral officer to get down.

I think I know what's wrong, sir.

I'll see to it.

Leave it to me, sir.

Carry on, pilot.

Steer by magnetic.

How are you doing?

The trial compass working again, sir.

No, the commander's fixed it.

So you see, sir, I had to, sir.

It was the only way I could attract attention, sir.

As I couldn't get out, sir.

What do you mean, you couldn't get out?

Well, I came down here as you ordered, sir.

And while I was examining the compass, sir, the door must have closed by itself,

sir.

It couldn't possibly have closed itself.

Perhaps a movement of the ship, sir.

And the key turning in the lock.

Another movement of the ship, I suppose.

Yes, sir.

Look, sir.

It's doing it again, sir.

What's doing what again?

The door, sir.

It's closing by itself, sir.

That's only a draft, sir.

I'll expect a satisfactory explanation from you later.

Sir!

Go ahead.

What's the matter?

It's doing it again, sir.

It's locked itself.

Out of the way.

Yes?

The gyro compass is going mad.

What the blazes?

It seems to be trying to signal...

Rubbish.

Yes, you're quite right. Tell the electrical officer and send the E.A. down to the

gyro room.

Sir. Sir? Well?

I was just thinking, sir, that no one who ever goes to see about the gyro compass

ever seems to come back.

I mean, first the sentry and then the commander.

Send a couple of Marines down with the E. A. Sir.

Yes?

What's all this about, Chief?

No, no. We'll soon find out, though. Follow me.

Ah, there you are, Jenkins.

I've satisfied myself the gyro compass will give us no more trouble.

You don't need to inspect it.

Aye, aye, sir.

Lock the door and give me the key.

Sir.

You two Marines stay here until further orders.

Sir.

Return to your post.

At the double, sir.

Thank you, Jenkins.

What for?

The gyro compass seems to be working all right now.

Yes. At the moment, sir.

Perhaps we'd better stick to magnetic till the commander gets back.

Yes, sir.

Did you see anyone just now?

No, sir.

A woman?

No, sir.

A woman.

Never mind.

Jackie, buy me, Jackie.

You're going to see a dream.

Hey, I saw her first.

Turn the door, shall we?

I've seen everything now.

What's going on here?

Hey, what a good season.

Shut up, the mother of you.

Get back to sleep.

We've just seen a woman.

I'll give you women.

Yes, please.

Quiet, you perishers.

Where do you think you're going?

To see the captain.

Where is he?

Where he ought to be when we're at sea.

I'm not afraid.

Check me to him.

You're not going to get within 100 miles.

Then I will wait here till he comes.

Oh, no.

Take me to a bedroom where I can sleep while I wait.

Any more trouble from you, my girl, and I'll send for the master-at-arms.

He'll put you in irons.

I must see the captain before I go home.

You won't see a captain, and you won't see home.

All you'll see is the inside of a Genoese jail, stowing away on a warship, let

alone sabotaging the compass.

This will definitely get you a long sentence.

I'll tell them about you first, then it'll be your turn in jail.

They'll say I've never seen you before.

Pig!

I beg your pardon?

All correct, sentry?

All correct, corporal.

Very well, carry on, Og.

Carry on.

Here are your orders.

Don't mention being here.

What would a woman be doing on a warship at night?

That's what I want to know.

Should we tell him?

Mark my words, there's more than one woman on this ship.

Go on, any others?

Not enough to go around, boys.

Someone will be short.

And what's more, I have a pretty good idea where they slept, too.

Where?

I'm not saying, but you ask Gog.

Yes.

Where is he?

Oh, hey, Walt, where's that bosom pile of yours?

Don't know.

Where was he last night?

Don't know.

He was on special duty, wasn't he?

Don't know.

You don't know anything, man, do you?

How do you spell cathedral?

You're not telling the Mrs. Datt's where you were last night?

Well, if it isn't our little nursemaid itself.

Did you tuck him up all nice and comfortable last night, eh?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, yes, you do.

Whose little playmates are they?

The captains?

The commanders?

Yours, perhaps?

Have you been opening your big trap again?

No, it doesn't work.

Come on, tell us.

Everything you know, everything. Don't you? I got eyes and ears, and I use them.

Come on, give. Whose friends are they? Maybe they're the admirals. They'd be aboard

the flagship. Well, this is the flagship. When did the admiral come aboard last

night, Mr. Know-All? Just before we sailed. You need a pair of glasses and a deaf

head. Have you had everything you want, sir? Yes, except a bath. The two guests

have occupied the bathroom since dawn. Very sorry, sir. Shall I run you one in

another bath? No, no trouble, thank you. You sent for us, sir? Yes, Captain.

Midland, repugnant though it is, my duty is clear. I must take cognizance of a

breach, a whole series of breaches of the rules and regulations designed to ensure

the good order and discipline of Her Majesty's ships. Yes, sir. I consequently have

no option but to make a full report to my lords of the admiralty at an early

opportunity. May I request, sir, that the ladies are not referred to by name? Very

well. I will accede to your request. Thank you, sir.

That would be all, gentlemen. Yes, sir.

No good. We can't wait now, Mary.

Come in.

It's, uh, me.

Good morning, Admiral.

Good morning. May I ask the reason for this intrusion?

Well, isn't Captain Maitland here?

He is not.

And I advise you to return to your cabin until you're sent for.

Very well, sir, if you say so, sir.

Have you hurt yourself?

Oh, no, it's nothing. It's just my ankle. I must have pulled a ligament yesterday.

Oh, well, um, you'd better sit down. I'll help you to the settee. Lean on me.

You know, you're really very, very kind under that rugged, stern exterior.

Even an admiral isn't entirely devoid of common humanity.

Now, suppose you found yourself in a situation where appearances are all against

you.

Wouldn't you expect to be listened to?

I beg your pardon, sir. I didn't realize you were.

I wasn't entertaining, sir.

I was assisting this young lady to the couch.

Quite, sir. Quite.

Let me finish.

She came in here to find you, Captain Maitland.

And on her way out, she twisted her ankle.

Oh, admiral.

What do you mean, oh, admiral?

Well.

Well, you gave every appearance of having twisted your ankle.

Both yesterday and today.

Yesterday, sir?

Yes, we met at the party. He was very sweet to me.

I was not.

Good morning, everybody. I'm so sorry I'm late.

You must be the cleanest admiral in the fleet.

He spent ages in the bathroom.

Whoever deprived you of the use of the bathroom, madam, it was not I.

Probably my fault, sir. I foolishly retained the key.

You remember we had a little trouble with it last night.

The tenancy of the bathroom is of minor importance.

Quite, sir. Battle wagon hasn't wasted much time.

Man aside.

Admiral.

Once and for all, Miss Carlton, nothing will deflect me from my corset.

Come in.

Lady Hewitt is approaching in a launch, sir.

My wife?

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Thank you.

What a pleasant surprise for you, sir.

Quite.

Admiral, you're a married man.

Certainly. I'm a married man.

Shall I go and welcome your wife on board, sir?

Yes. No. Wait a minute. Just let me think.

Lady Hewitt would probably like breakfast.

Shall I ask Arthur to prepare it, sir?

Yes. Have our other two guests had breakfast yet?

Shall I make it breakfast for three, then, sir?

Yes, Commander, do that.

Commander, just a minute.

Sir?

Captain Maitland, a man of the world, like myself, can always be relied upon to

take the broad view.

I'm sure of that, sir.

But women are different.

They have an unfortunate habit of jumping to the wrong conclusions.

Yes, sir.

Maitland, if you can get your two guests ashore discreetly and speedily, I am

prepared to overlook their most irregular presence on board.

Oh, thank you.

Admiral, you're a lad.

I am not sure.

Go up and greet my wife.

We shall be returning here, of course.

Yes, I quite understand, sir.

Carry on, Commander.

Thank you.

Ah, my dear, what a charming thought.

What is, Reginald?

This delightful little surprise visit.

But how did you get here?

Through the quartermaster's lobby, though why the officer of the watch brought me

that way, I can't imagine.

No, no, no, no. I mean, how did you get to Genoa?

By train.

What are you doing?

Nothing, my dear, nothing, I assure you.

Well, I want to go to the cabin and rest.

Are you sure, dear?

But of course I'm sure.

I'm extremely tired after sitting up all night in a slow train from Cannes.

I know, I know.

But what could be more refreshing than a whiff of sea air on deck?

Well, thank you. I've had all the sea air I want in the launch from the shore.

Oh, then what about going up onto the bridge?

You could stay in the shelter, and there's a magnificent view of Cannes.

Genoa.

I'll take your word for it, Reginald.

At present, I don't want fresh air or views from the bridge.

All I want is to sit down with a cup of coffee and relax.

Yes.

Good morning, Lady Gouart.

Good morning, Captain.

Good morning.

Must we have these curtains closed?

Yes, must we? Come on.

Uh, no, sir. I'll open them.

Will you take this chair, lady?

Yes, sit here, my dear.

Yeah, tabii.

Jei性.

To the light, the glare you know you're very solicitous this morning, Reginald.

Thank you, Captain. Attend to that matter immediately, will you, Commander? Yes,

will you, Commander? Yes, sir. Excuse me, Lady Hewitt, may I order breakfast for

you? Lady Hewitt, no thank you, just coffee. Certainly. I must apologize for not

being on deck to meet you when you arrived, of course you weren't expecting me to

pay this, what did you call it, Reginald, this delightful little surprise visit,

sir? Coffee for Lady Hewitt, please. Other, and see that it's hot.

After hot coffee for Lady Hewitt and be quick about it. Yes. Sorry, sir, right away.

I don't want anyone on the quarter deck for the next 15 minutes. All right. Oh,

not him. Very liable man, sir. There's a lot of doubt about that over here.

Fix, block, and tackle. Then haul up the ladies one at a time.

Yes, sir.

Whatever you do, don't make a noise.

When you've got them both safely up here, report of the double to Captain Randall.

He'll come and take charge of them.

Yes, sir.

Well, you heard what he said. Don't stand here like a weaker wet son.

Just jump to him.

Ah.

Thank you.

I'll pour it out.

I know how my wife likes it.

Yes.

Wait a minute, Reginald.

Yes, ma'am?

I think I'd like a bath first. Is that possible, Captain?

Certainly, Lady Ewing.

Wonderful idea, ma'am.

Don't leave for that man again. He gets on my nerves.

If you'll show me where the bathroom is, I'll run the bath myself.

With pleasure.

Clean sailing now, sir.

Captain!

I'm sorry, Lady Hewitt.

End operations.

Mortarative route will soon be available.

We hope.

Very good, sir.

All away.

I'm sorry, Lady Hewitt. I'll get a key.

Who are you?

Who are you?

What are you doing on board this ship?

I want to see the captain.

I am the captain.

Oh, you must make him marry me.

He promised me one year ago he knew when he...

Who are you talking about?

And do not say he's not here, for with my own eyes I have seen him.

All right, but who is he?

Yes, indeed. What is his name?

Hewitt.

Reginald Victor Hewitt.

So, I was right about your NATO conference.

My dear, I don't...

Don't interrupt.

Let me explain, sir. We've got a stowaway on board.

Stowaway?

It's the captain's responsibility, my dear. I only came on board at midnight.

And had a good night, I trust?

Well, I spent worse.

Look, sir, this stowaway's a female, a girl.

Impossible.

I may have had to accept stories about your naval conferences, but don't, please,

don't ask me to discredit the evidence of my own eyes.

Have you seen this, girl, my dear?

I most certainly have.

Where?

In your bathroom, naked.

Oh, come, Lady Hewitt. She had a bath towel around her.

Don't split hairs, Captain Maitland.

My dear, I've never seen this girl in my life.

I couldn't get into the bathroom. The door was locked.

So you tried?

Yes, several times, but I didn't know she was there.

I thought it was someone else.

Someone else. Yes, of course, of course.

So, you see, my dear, I'm entirely innocent.

Innocent? Were you in Nice last year?

Don't bother to deny it. I know you were.

Yes, of course I was. Why should I deny it?

Captain Maitland, I appeal to you. What does my wife mean?

You will soon see Captain Maitland bring that creature in here.

Provided she has some clothes on.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Who is there?

It's the captain. Are you ready?

Not quite.

Please, Harry, I'll wait for you here.

Got him up all right, Duckett?

No, sir, I think something’s gone wrong.

C&C instructed me not to proceed, sir, anticipating another route would be

available.

However, the young ladies are still there, sir, exactly as you left them.

I’ll return to the captain’s cabin.

Unless you receive contrary orders, proceed as instructed in five minutes.

Do you understand? Five minutes.

Yes, sir.

That’s not true, my dear.

Whatever she says, it’s not true.

I mean, I would remember something like that.

Indeed, Reginald.

Now, young woman, speak up. Don’t be afraid.

Is this your paramour?

What, him? Oh, no, not an old man like that.

Do you know this man’s rank?

Very, very high rank.

He wore the red ribbon, what else proves it?

Sounds like he’s a Marine, sir.

I’d like a word with him when you find him, using his commander-in-chief’s name…

Reginald!

Can you describe this man?

Oh, yes. He's tall, strong, handsome with a fire.

Like him.

Oh, I see. Very well, Commander.

Conduct this young lady around the ship.

If she identifies any man, report back to me.

Yes, this way, please.

I'm sorry, Reginald, but perhaps I was a little...

Hissed him.

Coffee?

Kitty?

Do you speak French, monsieur?

Fluently.

Then we speak English.

What's the matter?

It's stuck!

Let this be a lesson to you not to jump to conclusions.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, sir.

Oh, my dear.

Come, my dear, you're tired and overwrought.

So, you must have seen her.

No, did you, Captain?

Well, no, no, sir.

You saw her?

Did you, Courtney?

Well, my eyes are giving me a little trouble just lately, sir.

Now, my dear, what about that bath?

I'm sure the captain can promise there'll be no more girls to worry you, real or

imagined.

Come on, miss.

All right.

I suppose this is an optical illusion, too.

Well, it looks real enough to me, but I...

I'm waiting, Reginald.

Yes. Captain Maitland.

One stowaway, perhaps, Captain Maitland.

But I hope you're not going to suggest that this swarm of females was unknown to

you?

No, Lady Huell.

And you, Reginald?

I must admit that when I came on board, the captain did seem to be a little

preoccupied.

Of course, I had no suspicion of the real reason.

You can prove that by dealing with Captain Maitland here and now as he deserves.

At least let us hear what explanation he has to offer.

Very well. And my mind is made up.

Do you mind, Gordney?

Yes, sir.

Proceed, Captain.

Both of the ladies, one of whom is engaged to Captain Randall, spent the night on

board with my full permission.

In.

I've come to clear a way, sir.

Leave it till later.

Yes, sir.

What is the matter with you, my ma'am?

Nothing, ma'am.

Why do you keep staring at me?

I think I took a photograph of you once on board the Kestrel.

Did you?

I don't remember. You may go.

Just a minute. Did you say that you took a photograph of my wife on board the

Kestrel?

I think I did, sir, but it was a long time ago.

Reginald, please.

I think I have it here somewhere.

Yes, sir. Here it is.

It is you, my dear. Miss X, Malta, 1932.

So you were the famous Miss X.

The mystery girl who spent the night aboard Tubby Joyce's ship.

Tubby Joyce. I never could bear the fellow.

Freddie, I can explain everything.

Leave us, Arthur.

Why was I never told about this?

But it was all perfectly innocent.

They put a sentry over me all night.

Did you post a sentry over your guests, Captain Maitland?

Oh, but naturally, sir.

Then that satisfies me.

Would you care to meet my guests, Lady Hewitt?

An excellent idea, Captain.

You go and fetch them.

Yes, sir.

I always meant to tell you, Reggie.

I forgive you, my dear.

But you see how appearances can be deceiving.

Who is that?

Marine Og.

Marine Og?

What is that, an officer?

Oh, no, not an officer.

But whoever your boyfriend is, it certainly isn't him.

He's a married man with six children.

Now, you've got to let me explain, mate, just for a few minutes.

It's the commander.

I've got to keep out of his way.

Still, I'd like to make sure.

Okay.

How could you think a girl like me could love a man like that?

He has a face like a fish, ears like an elephant, eyes like a pig, and a nose!

Quiet, quiet. Carry on.

This way, mademoiselle.

Give us a drop of cooking Sherry, mate.

I think I've made a big mistake and should apologize to the Captain.

It must be another ship.

Well, don't worry, I'll take care of everything.

You are too kind, monsieur.

The pleasure is all mine, mademoiselle.

Pardon?

Captain's cabin, please.

Come along, my dear, I insist.

Yes, please do.

Very well.

After all, this is an occasion.

It's not often to have such charming company on board at this time of day, Terry.

I was in one's in Malta.

We had an early morning pub.

So, Reggie, please.

Yes?

Commander, yes, sir.

Yes, Commander.

Has that girl found her man?

She realizes now it's the wrong ship.

Oh, Reggie.

So, if you don't mind, sir, I thought I'd better escort the French lady ashore

personally.

In case there's any trouble with passports and such.

Yes, go ahead and do that, and good luck.

Captain Maitland, how are we getting back to Cannes?

Of course, Miss Carlton, as my guests.

Thank you.

You know, I'm starting to enjoy this life.

I don't suppose...

you could find me a job in the navy. I've been thinking about it. It's not exactly

in the navy, but it's sort of attached.

Poor sucker!

Ecolo!

Let us down!

You promised us!

Come on, I'll show you!

Come on, I'll show you!

Come on, I'll show you!

They were beautiful, with lots of MDD.

Every sailor on the ocean, from the Admiral to Paulson.

Lost his feet!