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1
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[snoring]
2
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[nostalgic lullaby playing]
3
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FLEISCHER 24-HOUR TOWING SERVICE
4
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[narrator] If there are three things
Toni Fleischer's always been good at,
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00:00:19,791 --> 00:00:24,291
it's sleeping,
procrastinating, and sleeping.
6
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Until now.
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[snorts]
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[screaming]
9
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[Charly screaming]
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[screams again]
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[Charly screaming again louder]
12
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[distant screaming]
13
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[both screaming]
14
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-[Johnny] Hello?
-What are you doing here?
15
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I had a nightmare.
16
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Can I sleep in your bed?
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Here?
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[narrator] Charly didn't have
a nightmare, of course.
19
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-Okay.
-[narrator] He's never had a nightmare…
20
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[Charly] Okay.
-…he just wanted to cuddle with his dad.
21
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[Toni grunts]
22
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And so Toni learned
the first big lesson of parenthood.
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[sighs]
24
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-[lawnmower running]
-[bird chirping]
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No more sleep ever.
26
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[Charly] Mm!
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Good morning!
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I'll make breakfast.
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-[Toni groans]
-["Sunshine" by Twista playing]
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[rapping] ♪ Let's get them dollars ♪
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♪ Let's get this money ♪
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[Toni groans]
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♪ Keep my mind on my ♪
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♪ I keep my mind on my money
Money on my mind ♪
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♪ I got my finger on the trigger
Stayin' on the grind ♪
36
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,541
♪ Now when I wake up in the mornin'
I gots to hit a lick ♪
37
00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:45,166
♪ Saw the 2003 Navi'
On Spre's with a kick ♪
38
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:47,250
♪ Soon as my eyes see the sunshine ♪
39
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,583
♪ My thoughts is jukin' the block
Dodgin' the one time ♪
40
00:01:49,666 --> 00:01:52,541
♪ Peep how we movin' them rocks and
Pounds of dro before I double my shit ♪
41
00:01:52,625 --> 00:01:55,333
♪ I can serve 16 ounces for 6
And get back 96 ♪
42
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♪ A killer for the scrilla
Best not be stalk-- ♪
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[blender whirring, then stops]
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-[Johnny] Toni.
-Mm.
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Would you look at all the creative things
your boy made us for breakfast?
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-[Toni] Mm.
-Spicy ketchup cream fountain,
47
00:02:07,583 --> 00:02:10,291
sour snake farfalle Jell-O,
sausage water coffee.
48
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[gagging]
49
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[Charly] Chocolate scrambled eggs.
50
00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:15,166
How'd you sleep?
51
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:17,333
Are you serious?
52
00:02:17,958 --> 00:02:19,250
[Johnny] I slept like a rock.
53
00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:21,208
-Hm.
-Dig in.
54
00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:23,250
-[Johnny] Yeah!
-I'm not really a breakfast guy.
55
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Cornflakes and coffee.
56
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Best combo.
I've been doing it all my life.
57
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[clearing throat]
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THE BEST DAD
59
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[Johnny clearing throat] Toni…
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[through gritted teeth]
Charly put in a lot of effort.
61
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-[Johnny clears throat]
-Okay, I'll try just a bit.
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[hopeful organ music playing]
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[moans] Goddammit, that's delicious.
64
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Scrambled eggs with chocolate.
65
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[crying] It tastes like love in my mouth.
66
00:02:56,541 --> 00:02:57,875
Speaking of love,
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do you think it's A,
totally normal, or B, a little weird,
68
00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:03,416
to be in love with your cousin?
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00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,625
Asking for a friend.
70
00:03:05,541 --> 00:03:07,458
A guy in my class
made out with his cousin.
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Aww.
72
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:11,166
"Konny the Cousin Kisser",
that's what they called him then.
73
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,458
-For years, they all made fun of him.
-[Johnny] Hm.
74
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,000
Well, where I come from,
which is Oaxaca, Mexico,
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that's very normal.
76
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:18,416
-[Charly laughs]
-You know what?
77
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:22,375
Lots of famous people in history were
married to their cousins. That's a fact.
78
00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:23,916
-Albert Einstein…
-[Charly gasps]
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00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,541
…Charles Darwin, my father. Heh.
80
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,791
[Johnny clearing throat]
81
00:03:31,666 --> 00:03:34,250
-Hm.
-Okay, next topic, today's plan.
82
00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:37,875
Papa, since you missed
the last 13 years of my life,
83
00:03:37,958 --> 00:03:40,250
I want to do stand-up
paddleboard limbo with you.
84
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:41,166
Aww.
85
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,458
So, are you in?
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[gulps] Sadly, I don't have time.
I have to write.
87
00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:50,083
A hit.
88
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,250
Yep. Your papa's going to write a hit now.
89
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[door closes]
90
00:03:58,291 --> 00:03:59,208
Don't take it too hard.
91
00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:03,708
Paddle board limbo's too dangerous anyway,
and you have to go to school.
92
00:04:04,791 --> 00:04:06,083
I'll just clean up a bit.
93
00:04:06,166 --> 00:04:08,291
-[horror music playing]
-[Tupac quacks]
94
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,041
Yeah, I guess I could--
95
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,125
Cool, thanks. Ciao.
96
00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:15,500
And if someone wants me,
97
00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:18,541
I'll be spending a few hours today
gloomily gazing at the view.
98
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:20,041
-[Toni] Shut up, Johnny!
-Okay. Mm.
99
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,416
[narrator] Meanwhile,
our heroes had no idea that
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00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:26,000
that Mayor Veronica Ferres and her son
101
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:28,875
were cooking up a plan
to take something away from them.
102
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[comically sinister music playing]
103
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An evil plan.
104
00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:35,666
Of course it was an evil plan.
Look at them.
105
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:37,791
Do they look like their plans are good?
106
00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:43,458
CRAP HAPPENS
107
00:04:43,541 --> 00:04:46,250
[whimsical music playing]
108
00:04:48,958 --> 00:04:50,833
'Kay. Let's get down to business.
109
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[narrator] Today everything was
supposed to be about Toni's hit.
110
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[drumming] Hit. Hit, hit, hit, hit, hit.
111
00:04:56,416 --> 00:04:59,000
[clock ticking]
112
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[sighs]
113
00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:01,000
Supposed to be.
114
00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:05,750
In 18 freaking years,
Toni hadn't finished a single song.
115
00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:07,666
-[yawning]
-Now he only had two weeks,
116
00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:12,000
and thanks to Charly,
he was feeling incredibly tired.
117
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:14,250
I'll just shut my eyes for one minute.
118
00:05:16,875 --> 00:05:18,583
[snoring]
119
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,625
[narrator] Yep. He's still got it.
120
00:05:21,125 --> 00:05:23,208
-The Master of Naps.
-[snoring continues]
121
00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:25,708
[bell ringing]
122
00:05:25,791 --> 00:05:28,708
Even though his morning
wasn't exactly off to a perfect start,
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00:05:28,791 --> 00:05:31,083
Charly was really looking forward
to seeing Sascha.
124
00:05:31,166 --> 00:05:32,083
[Charly] Hi.
125
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,958
[narrator] Apparently, the whole
cousin thing was a problem for her,
126
00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:37,666
but Charly was ready to deal with that.
127
00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:40,958
-Hi.
-Hi.
128
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,000
So I've been thinking…
129
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:45,833
Cool, me too. And doing some research.
130
00:05:45,916 --> 00:05:46,833
GENETICS FOR DUMMIES
131
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COUSINS SEX
132
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-[moaning on computer]
-[Charly exclaims]
133
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:59,625
Did you know that over 30%
of the internet consists of pornography?
134
00:05:59,708 --> 00:06:01,416
-Yeah, of course.
-Cool.
135
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,416
What I actually wanted to say is,
136
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,333
some might think
it's a problem we're cousins,
137
00:06:05,416 --> 00:06:07,625
and I guess in our culture
it isn't really a thing,
138
00:06:07,708 --> 00:06:11,208
but if we were to move to somewhere like
Mexico for example, after graduation,
139
00:06:11,291 --> 00:06:13,541
-we'd be fine. And my grandpa said--
-It's over, Charly.
140
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:15,833
[exhales]
141
00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:17,708
[melancholy music playing]
142
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What?
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[narrator] The first heartbreak
of his life.
144
00:06:24,916 --> 00:06:26,000
Please, no.
145
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,125
[echoing] But we can
still be friends. Okay?
146
00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:32,583
[organ continues melancholy tune]
147
00:06:34,583 --> 00:06:35,666
Shut up for a minute!
148
00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:36,750
[organ stops abruptly]
149
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,458
[laughs] See?
150
00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:42,458
That's the level of authority I have here.
151
00:06:42,541 --> 00:06:43,875
Here, I'm practically… God.
152
00:06:44,541 --> 00:06:45,458
Yeah.
153
00:06:45,958 --> 00:06:49,750
So, let me introduce you
to our newest band member.
154
00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:53,333
This is Köbi from Switzerland. [laughs]
155
00:06:53,416 --> 00:06:54,250
Yeah. Go on.
156
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:57,375
[in Swiss German accent]
Okay. Uh… Grüezi, everybody, hi.
157
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,500
-[Paule laughs] Um, so…
158
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,583
-I'm Köbi…
-Oh.
159
00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:03,625
…and my folks got a divorce.
160
00:07:03,708 --> 00:07:07,166
So that's why my old man brought me
to Schitten, so here we are.
161
00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:09,666
And because the air here's so clean.
It's nice.
162
00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:13,041
He's not having a stroke, kids.
That's how they talk.
163
00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:15,416
[both chuckling awkwardly]
164
00:07:16,083 --> 00:07:17,625
Right, Köbi? [laughs]
165
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,583
-Now show these losers what you've got.
-[Köbi grunts]
166
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:26,416
[feedback whines]
167
00:07:28,291 --> 00:07:34,666
[playing complicated riff]
168
00:07:44,666 --> 00:07:45,833
-[finishes]
-[Paule] Shit.
169
00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:50,208
-[clapping continues]
-[Paule chuckles]
170
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That was really cool.
171
00:07:52,375 --> 00:07:54,083
Um, hi, I'm Sascha.
172
00:07:54,166 --> 00:07:55,166
I'm Köbi.
173
00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:59,333
Well, my friends actually call me
Köbi sometimes. Or Köbi.
174
00:07:59,416 --> 00:08:01,250
Anyhow, either's fine. Köbi's fine…
175
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:03,916
[narrator] Köbi? What a stupid name.
176
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,458
Hi, Köbi.
177
00:08:05,541 --> 00:08:07,708
Hi. Really cool to meet you, Sascha.
178
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,166
[sinister music playing]
179
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:14,791
[violin playing horror film notes]
180
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Get your instruments.
181
00:08:17,791 --> 00:08:18,833
[groans]
182
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:22,875
Köbi…
183
00:08:23,875 --> 00:08:25,625
[clock ticking]
184
00:08:25,708 --> 00:08:26,708
[snores]
185
00:08:26,791 --> 00:08:29,666
[ticking continues]
186
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:32,041
[Dalia] Tick-tock, tick…
187
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:33,208
-Two weeks to go.
-…tock!
188
00:08:33,291 --> 00:08:34,750
I don't handle pressure super well.
189
00:08:34,833 --> 00:08:37,083
-And the ticking clock won't stop ticking.
-Tick-tock!
190
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:42,083
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick.
191
00:08:42,166 --> 00:08:43,708
[snorts, gasps]
192
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Fuck! Shit!
193
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[narrator] Slept half the day away.
194
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:50,041
-Shit, shit.
-Crap, goddammit. Crap!
195
00:08:50,125 --> 00:08:52,666
Why the hell's Toni
so damn good at taking naps?
196
00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:53,750
He has to start.
197
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,458
-He wants to. He really does.
-[plays]
198
00:08:55,541 --> 00:08:56,416
GLASS FIGURES
199
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:59,375
But instead,
he procrastinates like a boss.
200
00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:01,291
[grunting and groaning]
201
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:05,333
[vocalizing, makes crashing noise]
202
00:09:13,583 --> 00:09:14,500
Oh, oh…
203
00:09:14,583 --> 00:09:15,625
[tambourine jingles]
204
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:17,916
SECRET FANTASIES
205
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,625
[narrator] Sure enough, procrastinating
actually helped. As always.
206
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,125
12 STEPS TO BECOMING A RAP GOD
207
00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:26,291
-Huso?
-A VHS he'd asked for as a birthday gift.
208
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:29,208
"Twelve Steps to Becoming a Rap God."
209
00:09:29,291 --> 00:09:31,541
Could he find
what he'd desperately been looking for,
210
00:09:31,625 --> 00:09:35,916
for what felt like a solid ten minutes,
on this lousy retro rap guide?
211
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,458
[school bell ringing]
212
00:09:38,541 --> 00:09:41,166
[Köbi] So yeah,
the cow actually ate my shoe.
213
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:44,083
And then I hopped all the way
to the top of the mountain on one leg.
214
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,833
And when we came back down
three days later,
215
00:09:46,416 --> 00:09:48,583
my shoe was just lying there on the grass.
216
00:09:48,666 --> 00:09:50,833
[narrator] Charly was jealous
for the first time.
217
00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:51,958
[Köbi laughs]
218
00:09:52,041 --> 00:09:54,166
The stupid cow shat the shoe out,
just like that.
219
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,500
And look, it's completely fine.
220
00:09:56,583 --> 00:09:59,458
[narrator] Unfortunately, he couldn't
think of anything better than…
221
00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,500
-[Köbi] It's crazy.
-[Sascha] Yeah, so crazy.
222
00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:03,458
I have a pet duck now, check it out.
223
00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:06,708
Oh, it seems so happy.
224
00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:09,375
-Mm-hmm.
-I've always wanted a pet too.
225
00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:11,916
However, I'm allergic
to nearly all kinds of critters.
226
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,291
[Charly laughs derisively]
227
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:15,958
Did he just say
he's allergic all kinds of critters?
228
00:10:16,041 --> 00:10:17,583
Yeah, especially dogs, actually.
229
00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:19,500
[Charly] Allergic to dogs.
230
00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:21,291
You're so sensitive, Köbi.
231
00:10:22,041 --> 00:10:24,500
[school bell ringing]
232
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,666
I gotta go help my mom.
233
00:10:27,666 --> 00:10:28,583
She owns a jail.
234
00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:30,833
-Cool.
-See you, Köbi.
235
00:10:30,916 --> 00:10:33,416
[laughs shyly] See you around, Sascha.
236
00:10:36,916 --> 00:10:40,916
[narrator] Charly was certain:
he had to get rid of his Swiss rival.
237
00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:44,500
Oh, uh… Hey, Charly, um…
238
00:10:44,583 --> 00:10:47,416
Tell me, what do cool guys like you
do in Schitten for fun?
239
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,875
And is there a local alpenhorn venue?
240
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:51,791
[narrator] And this was his chance.
241
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:52,750
Well…
242
00:10:53,416 --> 00:10:56,625
Sascha and I hang out
at the abandoned hangar lot. Um…
243
00:10:56,708 --> 00:10:58,500
-Oh.
-You should come by sometime.
244
00:10:58,583 --> 00:10:59,458
Hang out?
245
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:01,125
No, hangar.
246
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:05,208
-Okay, well, that's really nice, thanks.
-Hm.
247
00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,291
I'm sure we're gonna be best friends.
248
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,791
-[ominous music playing]
-Sure, Köbi.
249
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,500
Okay, see you in a bit then.
250
00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:14,541
[narrator] Here's what Charly
didn't tell Köbi.
251
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:18,375
No one who wasn't suicidal
ever hung out there.
252
00:11:18,458 --> 00:11:21,416
After the big
animal shelter breakout in 2001,
253
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,208
a bunch of wild dogs
created their own little society
254
00:11:24,291 --> 00:11:26,041
-on the abandoned hangar lot…
-[dogs barking]
255
00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:28,125
-[chuckling evilly]
-…kinda like Planet of the Apes,
256
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:30,791
-only with dogs.
[barking and laughing continue]
257
00:11:33,541 --> 00:11:34,541
Charly.
258
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:37,833
What kind of evil laugh is that?
259
00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:40,166
This is a true evil laugh.
260
00:11:41,041 --> 00:11:42,791
[low, mirthless laughter]
261
00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:48,333
[disturbing laughter]
262
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,375
[deranged gibbering]
263
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:52,750
[clears throat]
264
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:55,833
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
265
00:11:58,208 --> 00:12:00,166
-Mr. Paule…
-See you. [clears throat]
266
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,375
Heh. That was good.
267
00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:12,166
Oh, right, the hospital, I forgot.
268
00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:20,333
[old-school hip-hop music playing on TV]
269
00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:22,958
RAP GOD
270
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:27,083
[Huso] Twelve Steps to Becoming a Rap God.
271
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:31,083
What up, kids? It's your boy, Huso,
your favorite hip-hop hand puppet.
272
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,833
[laughing]
273
00:12:32,916 --> 00:12:33,791
Yeah!
274
00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:38,000
[narrator] Huso the hip-hop hand puppet
was a big deal in '90s German rap.
275
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,708
But after a meteoric rise,
276
00:12:40,791 --> 00:12:43,375
millions of record sales
and tons of ad deals,
277
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:44,750
came the inevitable downfall.
278
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:47,625
-Drugs, scandals…
-Hey, stop filming me, asshole!
279
00:12:47,708 --> 00:12:51,666
…and as a final Hail Mary,
rap tutorial videos.
280
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,708
Toni couldn't remember
exactly what Huso's tips were,
281
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:57,875
but he did remember thinking
they were pure genius back then.
282
00:12:57,958 --> 00:13:02,291
Are you all ready?
283
00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:04,791
-Yeah!
-[Huso] Woo-hoo!
284
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:09,041
Just follow my 12 steps
and become a real-deal rapper!
285
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:10,291
RAPPERS
286
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:16,458
Step one of my twelve-step program:
287
00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:18,041
tidy up your room.
288
00:13:18,125 --> 00:13:19,416
[Huso laughs]
289
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,416
[shattering]
290
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,333
JOHNNY'S JUNK
291
00:13:24,083 --> 00:13:25,500
Step two.
292
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:29,333
Rapping with a friend is a lot more fun.
293
00:13:29,416 --> 00:13:33,166
So go fetch yourself a buddy
and get started.
294
00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:35,458
-[Toni] Hold still.
-[Tupac chitters]
295
00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:38,500
[chirps]
296
00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:42,083
Gangsta? You're a baby duck.
297
00:13:42,166 --> 00:13:44,291
[narrator] Yeah, Tupac's gangsta!
298
00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:46,291
Aight, now for step three…
299
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:49,625
Oh.
300
00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:51,375
[snorting]
301
00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:53,500
-Awesome! Whoo!
-Huso?
302
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,916
[laughing]
303
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,291
Okay, now go and find your mother's purse,
304
00:13:58,375 --> 00:13:59,875
snatch 100 German marks
305
00:13:59,958 --> 00:14:02,208
and send them to Huso Hoffmann,
306
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:04,083
23 A Flow Avenue.
307
00:14:04,666 --> 00:14:07,833
-Go, go, go, go!
-Not this time, Huso. Not doing it.
308
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:10,500
[laughing deliriously]
309
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:16,875
If you wanna write
an iconic and catchy rap song,
310
00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:18,750
and I mean a real hit,
311
00:14:18,833 --> 00:14:21,208
there's just one thing you need.
312
00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:24,125
-Oh!
-And that thing is
313
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,250
the--
314
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,416
[VHS stops]
315
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,750
Huso? No.
316
00:14:28,833 --> 00:14:31,500
-[narrator] Info time for the Gen Zers.
-Huso!
317
00:14:31,583 --> 00:14:32,416
GRANDPA'S BURIAL
318
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,166
Ten million years ago,
back in the VHS days,
319
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,583
if you didn't do this,
320
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,125
you'd probably end up
recording over what was on the tape.
321
00:14:38,625 --> 00:14:41,166
Which is exactly what Toni did with…
322
00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:42,625
Armageddon.
323
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:46,833
-[narrator] Armageddon.
-[gasps]
324
00:14:46,916 --> 00:14:48,666
[narrator] An asteroid
is heading for Earth,
325
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,375
and the Americans fly off to save us all.
326
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:54,166
Ah, the good old days.
327
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:58,833
["I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"
by Aerosmith playing]
328
00:14:58,916 --> 00:15:01,666
♪ Don't want to close my eyes ♪
329
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:04,333
It was the first movie
Toni had ever seen in a theater,
330
00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:09,750
and he went on to watch it
a record-breaking 819 more times.
331
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:11,875
♪ Even when I dream of you ♪
332
00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:13,750
-[sobbing]
-[explosion]
333
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,125
Bruce!
334
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:19,375
Oh God!
335
00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:21,333
TANNING SALON
336
00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:24,333
[narrator] While Toni procrastinated
with the Hollywood blockbuster,
337
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:26,500
Charly was on his way to meet Sascha.
338
00:15:26,583 --> 00:15:29,041
With Köbi was out of the way,
he wanted to give it another try.
339
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:29,958
POLICE & PEDICURES
340
00:15:30,041 --> 00:15:31,333
So he went to the police station,
341
00:15:32,416 --> 00:15:33,291
SCHITTEN-ON-HAVEL
342
00:15:33,375 --> 00:15:36,375
which, due to budget cuts,
was downsized so much
343
00:15:36,458 --> 00:15:39,083
that in the end, only Nancy was left.
344
00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:41,958
And to top it all off,
she had to share it with a nail salon.
345
00:15:45,208 --> 00:15:48,125
That's the last time, hear me, Vladimir?
346
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:50,166
Da. Thank you, Officer Fleischer.
347
00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:53,125
[man giggling]
348
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,375
Hello, Aunt Nancy.
349
00:16:00,458 --> 00:16:02,000
Hello, Charly.
350
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,875
Is Sascha here?
351
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:06,083
Ah. You've met?
352
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,416
At school.
353
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,125
And now you know you're cousins, right?
354
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:10,791
Isn't that great?
355
00:16:10,875 --> 00:16:11,750
Sure.
356
00:16:11,833 --> 00:16:13,500
She's over there.
357
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,166
[yelling] Hey, cell five!
You've got a visitor!
358
00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:17,333
Don't try anything!
359
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:20,833
I've always wanted to say that.
It's an awesome line.
360
00:16:20,916 --> 00:16:22,000
Mm-hmm.
361
00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:25,041
Sadly, there are hardly
any real prisoners or crimes.
362
00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:27,166
[sighs deeply]
363
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:37,791
[foreboding music playing]
364
00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:42,416
[narrator] But the police station/nail
salon wasn't the only one cutting costs.
365
00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:47,333
The Veronica Ferres way of life
eats money for breakfast.
366
00:16:47,416 --> 00:16:51,500
But now the solution to all her financial
problems was suddenly within reach,
367
00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:53,333
and Ferres had no time to waste.
368
00:16:53,416 --> 00:17:00,416
[dialing on phone]
369
00:17:01,666 --> 00:17:02,625
[page turns]
370
00:17:02,708 --> 00:17:05,833
[dialing continues]
371
00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:11,000
[phone buzzing]
372
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:12,541
dog barking]
373
00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:13,500
Hello?
374
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:15,625
This is Veronica Ferres, your mayor.
375
00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:18,375
I'm sorry for your loss, Johnny Carrera.
376
00:17:18,458 --> 00:17:20,750
Thank you, I appreciate that.
377
00:17:20,833 --> 00:17:22,166
How are you doing?
378
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,750
Well, I miss Wera.
379
00:17:24,416 --> 00:17:26,791
All the books we started
but never finished reading…
380
00:17:27,375 --> 00:17:31,958
My only consolation is that my son
and my grandson are visiting right now.
381
00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:35,333
Johnny Carrera,
382
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:39,333
I understand you're the sole heir
to Wera's beautiful property.
383
00:17:39,416 --> 00:17:41,375
Is that true?
Including the vegetable garden?
384
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,250
-Yes.
-I'd like to buy it from you.
385
00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:47,125
-For my sweet son.
-For me?
386
00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:48,791
Aww…
387
00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:50,833
And I'm offering you…
388
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:55,333
SCHITTEN CAPITAL BANK
PROPERTY TRANSFER - LOTS OF MONEY
389
00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:56,375
[grunts]
390
00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:59,750
…a really huge check.
391
00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:01,583
But that check is far too huge.
392
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:04,291
That does sound like a really huge check.
393
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,083
Yep, anything for my son.
394
00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:07,000
[Johnny] Hmm…
395
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:09,875
All right, I guess I should--
396
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,458
[Wera] Don't you dare, Johnny Carrera!
397
00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:12,791
Oh! Oh, oh…
398
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:13,833
Down here.
399
00:18:15,208 --> 00:18:16,375
Ahh!
400
00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:18,875
You can't go through with it,
Johnny Carrera.
401
00:18:18,958 --> 00:18:20,375
Don't sell, she's up to no good.
402
00:18:20,458 --> 00:18:21,916
-[screaming]
-Hello?
403
00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:24,791
-[muffled screams]
-Don't act suspicious.
404
00:18:26,416 --> 00:18:27,666
[Veronica] Hello? Uh…
405
00:18:28,416 --> 00:18:29,541
Johnny, are you okay?
406
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:33,125
I… can't go through with this, Miss Mayor.
407
00:18:33,208 --> 00:18:37,000
Uh… If it's about the amount,
well, I have even huger checks.
408
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,125
Even huger?
409
00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:39,458
Sorry, I can't sell.
410
00:18:39,541 --> 00:18:41,750
-Hello? Hello?
-[busy signal beeping]
411
00:18:42,458 --> 00:18:44,291
-[gasps]
-[Wera] You did well, Johnny Carrera.
412
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,625
I'll be back soon.
413
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,000
[Johnny gasps] Oh.
414
00:18:49,291 --> 00:18:50,166
Oh…
415
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:52,625
[shaky murmur]
416
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,250
She'll be back.
417
00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:57,666
Aww.
418
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:58,666
[squeals delightedly]
419
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:00,125
[bangs phone]
420
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:03,000
-Asshole.
-Don't be angry, Mama.
421
00:19:03,791 --> 00:19:05,541
I'm good, I don't need that place at all.
422
00:19:05,625 --> 00:19:07,541
It is not for you, you idiot.
423
00:19:08,458 --> 00:19:09,291
It's not?
424
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:11,041
So what do we do now?
425
00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,375
[sinister music playing]
426
00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:15,333
We'll just keep stealing
it from them in secret.
427
00:19:15,416 --> 00:19:16,250
[chuckles]
428
00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:19,583
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
429
00:19:19,666 --> 00:19:22,083
[laughs maniacally]
430
00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:23,000
TOWN HALL
431
00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:25,000
[evil laughter echoing]
432
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:26,416
[Paule] Now, that's an evil laugh!
433
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:35,833
Hey.
434
00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:39,208
What are you doing here?
435
00:19:39,833 --> 00:19:41,166
[cheesy romantic music playing]
436
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:44,500
Did you know that Albert Einstein
was married to his cousin?
437
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:45,416
Yeah.
438
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:46,833
-[music stops]
-Oh.
439
00:19:47,458 --> 00:19:49,541
-[music restarts]
Did you know Charles Darwin married
440
00:19:49,625 --> 00:19:51,416
his cousin and had ten kids with her?
441
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,166
-Yeah, sure.
-[music stops]
442
00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:56,708
But Charles Darwin's first child, Annie,
happened to die when she was ten.
443
00:19:56,791 --> 00:19:58,625
Mary, the third, died right after birth.
444
00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,916
The tenth, Charles Junior, died at two.
445
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,916
And all the others had their own issues.
446
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,166
I love you. You're so smart.
447
00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:07,166
Charly, it's over.
448
00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,583
Just deal with it.
449
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,750
Okay?
450
00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:13,041
Okay.
451
00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:19,000
[forlorn music playing]
452
00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:34,083
[man over radio] Falcon to Mole!
Falcon to Mole! Falcon to Mole. Over.
453
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,000
Hunter Harald.
454
00:20:37,041 --> 00:20:38,041
A case for Nancy!
455
00:20:38,125 --> 00:20:40,833
[face-paced, intriguing music playing]
456
00:20:40,916 --> 00:20:42,000
[grunts]
457
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:45,708
Mole here, over.
458
00:20:45,791 --> 00:20:48,416
[Harald] Uh, 3B-17 spotted in quadrant 87.
459
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:51,500
Proposing Operation Moonlight
and requesting authorization. Over.
460
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,750
Harald, I don't know
what your codes mean, over.
461
00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:56,375
I found an injured rabbit
by the old hangar lot.
462
00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:57,625
[Nancy] By the hangar lot?
463
00:20:57,708 --> 00:21:01,166
[Harald] Spotted a massive wild dog.
Foam around mouth. Probably rabies. Over.
464
00:21:01,791 --> 00:21:02,666
Rabies?
465
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:04,666
[Harald] Requesting napalm deployment.
466
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:05,958
[groans quietly]
467
00:21:06,041 --> 00:21:09,375
Harald, it's a restricted area out there.
You're in for a big ticket.
468
00:21:09,458 --> 00:21:11,833
[Harald] We have to bomb them
or we're done.
469
00:21:11,916 --> 00:21:13,583
-They're going to kill us!
-[hangs up]
470
00:21:16,166 --> 00:21:17,166
[uneasy music playing]
471
00:21:17,250 --> 00:21:19,916
[narrator] Charly just wanted
to give Köbi a little scare.
472
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,958
-But rabies?
-[uneasy music intensifies]
473
00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:24,250
[Charly] Ahh!
474
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:26,208
I know what you did, kid.
475
00:21:27,416 --> 00:21:29,083
[Charly breathes heavily]
476
00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:31,875
And tell your mom
I need an appointment for a haircut!
477
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,916
POLICE & PEDICURES
478
00:21:35,666 --> 00:21:40,083
[narrator] Charly had to save Köbi,
but he couldn't do it alone.
479
00:21:42,708 --> 00:21:48,875
[stirring, emotional music playing on TV]
480
00:21:48,958 --> 00:21:51,750
Best film ever.
481
00:21:51,833 --> 00:21:54,916
[music continues]
482
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:55,833
[quacks]
483
00:21:57,625 --> 00:21:59,291
Fine, I'll get back to writing.
484
00:21:59,375 --> 00:22:00,291
[music stops]
485
00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:02,708
[narrator] That's enough
procrastinating now.
486
00:22:02,791 --> 00:22:03,666
[sighs]
487
00:22:04,875 --> 00:22:06,125
[cracking]
488
00:22:07,416 --> 00:22:09,875
[narrator] All right.
It's time to write a hit.
489
00:22:11,208 --> 00:22:12,708
-[Charly gasping]
-[Toni gasps]
490
00:22:13,291 --> 00:22:15,041
-Papa, I need your help.
-Right now?
491
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:17,416
Right now, yes!
And it's a matter of life or death!
492
00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:21,250
[motor accelerating]
493
00:22:21,333 --> 00:22:24,958
[funky music playing]
494
00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:30,833
[Toni] Dog hair allergy?
495
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:31,875
[Charly] Yeah.
496
00:22:32,375 --> 00:22:36,041
Köbi. What kinda freak
names their kid Köbi?
497
00:22:37,166 --> 00:22:40,875
Okay, so now Köbi might die because you
wanna keep making out with your cousin.
498
00:22:40,958 --> 00:22:42,375
C'mon, don't put it like that, Papa.
499
00:22:42,458 --> 00:22:43,375
It's not that horrible.
500
00:22:43,458 --> 00:22:45,625
It is. I screwed up bad.
501
00:22:45,708 --> 00:22:47,291
We'll save him, don't worry.
502
00:22:47,375 --> 00:22:50,583
[funky music continues on radio]
503
00:22:51,958 --> 00:22:52,958
[music stops]
504
00:22:53,458 --> 00:22:54,500
I'm Konny.
505
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:56,333
What's that?
506
00:22:56,416 --> 00:22:58,375
I'm Konny the Cousin Kisser.
507
00:22:58,958 --> 00:22:59,791
Really?
508
00:22:59,875 --> 00:23:02,458
Yeah. That's my middle name.
Anton Kornelius Fleischer.
509
00:23:02,541 --> 00:23:04,666
[laughing] What kind of freak
names their kid Kornelius?
510
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,083
[laughing] Hey…
511
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:08,541
And your cousin?
512
00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:13,833
[sentimental music playing]
513
00:23:14,916 --> 00:23:15,833
She's your mother.
514
00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:23,625
[laughs] Sike, man!
515
00:23:23,708 --> 00:23:26,208
[continues laughing]
516
00:23:26,291 --> 00:23:27,541
Oh, your face.
517
00:23:27,625 --> 00:23:29,458
[both laughing]
518
00:23:33,791 --> 00:23:34,833
[bicycle wheel spinning]
519
00:23:34,916 --> 00:23:36,083
[dog barking in distance]
520
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,458
[foreboding music playing]
521
00:23:40,625 --> 00:23:42,250
[grunts]
522
00:23:44,416 --> 00:23:45,416
Sascha!
523
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,541
Charly! It's me, Köbi.
524
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:49,875
DOGS RUNNING LOOSE
BEWARE
525
00:23:49,958 --> 00:23:51,458
[yodeling]
526
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:56,041
[Toni's obnoxious ringtone playing]
527
00:23:56,125 --> 00:23:57,541
ASSFACE
(DUDE TRYING TO BE MY FATHER)
528
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:58,500
[Toni] Ugh.
529
00:23:58,583 --> 00:23:59,583
Johnny?
530
00:23:59,666 --> 00:24:00,708
[Johnny] Hey, you two!
531
00:24:00,791 --> 00:24:01,916
What are you up to?
532
00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:04,166
Father-son stuff.
533
00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:06,333
Oh, father-son stuff!
534
00:24:06,416 --> 00:24:07,583
That's nice.
535
00:24:07,666 --> 00:24:09,791
-Um, so, listen, um…
-[phone cuts out]
536
00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:10,791
…the Mayor, you know?
537
00:24:10,875 --> 00:24:12,708
And she wanted to just to have a ser…
538
00:24:12,791 --> 00:24:14,250
-Johnny?
-…the house…
539
00:24:14,333 --> 00:24:15,375
-…and then I said--
-Johnny!
540
00:24:15,458 --> 00:24:16,625
-I can't hear you.
-…go thr…
541
00:24:17,208 --> 00:24:18,541
Can you hear me? Hm?
542
00:24:21,041 --> 00:24:25,208
[hip-hop music playing]
543
00:24:34,416 --> 00:24:36,250
NO RECEPTION
NO RECEPTION AT ALL
544
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,333
[dogs barking]
545
00:24:39,416 --> 00:24:41,125
-[creepy music playing]
-[gasps]
546
00:24:42,750 --> 00:24:44,291
Charly? Sascha?
547
00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:46,291
Are you there?
548
00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:49,458
Uh… This is… well,
a little creepy, actually.
549
00:24:49,541 --> 00:24:52,708
[dog snarling and panting]
550
00:24:52,791 --> 00:24:53,708
Ahh!
551
00:24:53,791 --> 00:24:56,166
[continues screaming]
552
00:24:56,250 --> 00:24:58,375
[tense music playing]
553
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,833
[Toni] Don't worry,
we'll save that little Swiss kid.
554
00:25:02,916 --> 00:25:04,541
[dog snarling]
555
00:25:04,625 --> 00:25:06,458
[Köbi panting]
556
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:11,250
[tires screeching]
557
00:25:13,083 --> 00:25:14,083
Köbi!
558
00:25:14,916 --> 00:25:16,041
[Toni] Köbi!
559
00:25:16,125 --> 00:25:17,708
What a stupid name.
560
00:25:19,250 --> 00:25:20,083
Köbi!
561
00:25:20,916 --> 00:25:22,791
[panting]
562
00:25:22,875 --> 00:25:25,208
[dog snarling]
563
00:25:25,791 --> 00:25:27,000
No, no!
564
00:25:27,083 --> 00:25:28,750
Get away. Get away!
565
00:25:29,625 --> 00:25:30,958
[distorted] Leave me alone!
566
00:25:31,041 --> 00:25:32,875
[narrator] What happened next
567
00:25:32,958 --> 00:25:38,000
was the single most
terrifying moment of Köbi's entire life.
568
00:25:38,083 --> 00:25:40,208
[puppies whining and whimpering]
569
00:25:40,291 --> 00:25:41,958
[barking and whining]
570
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:44,541
[distorted] Go away! [shuddering]
571
00:25:45,625 --> 00:25:46,583
[distorted] Go away!
572
00:25:46,666 --> 00:25:49,625
-[puppies yipping]
-[Köbi grunting]
573
00:25:49,708 --> 00:25:50,791
[Toni] Köbi!
574
00:25:50,875 --> 00:25:52,166
[Charly] Köbi!
575
00:25:55,583 --> 00:25:56,666
[sniffing]
576
00:25:57,208 --> 00:25:58,208
Shit.
577
00:25:58,750 --> 00:25:59,791
[Köbi screaming]
578
00:26:00,416 --> 00:26:02,000
-Köbi.
-[Toni] Köbi!
579
00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:05,041
[puppies whining]
580
00:26:05,125 --> 00:26:07,458
[Köbi whimpers]
581
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,916
Help! Get away!
582
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,333
-Help!
-Köbi!
583
00:26:16,416 --> 00:26:17,375
Over there!
584
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,583
-Köbi!
-[puppies barking]
585
00:26:19,666 --> 00:26:20,791
[Toni laughing]
586
00:26:20,875 --> 00:26:21,875
[Charly] Oh my God!
587
00:26:21,958 --> 00:26:23,333
-[Köbi] Help!
-[Charly] Hi!
588
00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:24,750
-[Toni] So cute!
-[Charly laughing]
589
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:27,208
-[Toni] Yes, you are! You are!
-Oh!
590
00:26:27,291 --> 00:26:29,916
Get away from those killer beasts!
591
00:26:32,375 --> 00:26:33,958
Köbi, I'm so sorry.
592
00:26:34,041 --> 00:26:36,791
The whole thing was a trap,
but we're here to rescue you, okay?
593
00:26:36,875 --> 00:26:39,416
I can't. I can't get out of here.
It's way too dangerous.
594
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:40,541
[yips]
595
00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:42,958
They're everywhere, and it's all infected!
596
00:26:43,833 --> 00:26:47,166
Um… Apparently he can't get out
'cause of the dog hair.
597
00:26:47,250 --> 00:26:49,666
That's it! There has to be
another way to get me out of here.
598
00:26:49,750 --> 00:26:51,708
Is there some other way
to get him out of here?
599
00:26:51,791 --> 00:26:52,750
[Köbi] Yeah.
600
00:26:53,416 --> 00:26:54,833
I can't breathe.
601
00:26:57,083 --> 00:26:59,000
[upbeat music playing]
602
00:27:01,833 --> 00:27:03,416
-[Charly] We'll be right back.
-What?
603
00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:05,250
No, please! Don't leave me alone!
604
00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,833
NICE FAMILY LOOKING FOR
3-ROOM APARTMENT
605
00:27:12,250 --> 00:27:13,125
[gasps]
606
00:27:14,875 --> 00:27:16,000
[puppies whining]
607
00:27:23,541 --> 00:27:29,875
[mechanism whirring]
608
00:27:38,041 --> 00:27:39,041
Thanks, Papa.
609
00:27:40,541 --> 00:27:41,791
-Mmm…
-[Toni chuckles]
610
00:27:41,875 --> 00:27:44,291
-Sure.
-Hello? I can't breathe, guys. Really.
611
00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:45,625
[Toni] Okay, get in the truck.
612
00:27:45,708 --> 00:27:47,125
Hold on tight, Köbi.
613
00:27:47,208 --> 00:27:48,166
[dog barks and snarls]
614
00:27:50,958 --> 00:27:53,416
[barking]
615
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:54,333
Charly…
616
00:27:55,333 --> 00:27:56,541
Close the door nice and slow.
617
00:27:56,625 --> 00:27:58,500
[distorted barking]
618
00:27:59,375 --> 00:28:01,458
We won't hurt you, little friend.
619
00:28:01,541 --> 00:28:03,708
[dog snarling]
620
00:28:03,791 --> 00:28:05,041
[barking]
621
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:07,625
[narrator] Guess who had
to save the day yet again?
622
00:28:08,166 --> 00:28:09,583
The narrator of this story.
623
00:28:10,416 --> 00:28:11,458
The voice of truth.
624
00:28:12,041 --> 00:28:13,291
The one and only,
625
00:28:13,375 --> 00:28:14,791
the untouchable…
626
00:28:14,875 --> 00:28:16,041
[distorted] Stay back!
627
00:28:16,125 --> 00:28:17,125
…the great…
628
00:28:18,833 --> 00:28:20,416
Tupac Fleischer.
629
00:28:21,416 --> 00:28:22,750
[whines]
630
00:28:23,416 --> 00:28:25,375
-[chirping]
-[hip-hop music playing]
631
00:28:28,250 --> 00:28:30,666
[Tupac] Yep.
I'm the one telling this story.
632
00:28:30,750 --> 00:28:33,208
And I'm a duck, so quack-quack, bitches.
633
00:28:34,375 --> 00:28:35,208
Huh?
634
00:28:35,833 --> 00:28:37,791
[Tupac] Looks like I still got the mojo.
635
00:28:38,291 --> 00:28:40,708
[Tupac tweets and chitters]
636
00:28:41,333 --> 00:28:44,291
Yo, I'm sorry I doubted your gangsta-ness,
little guy. totally my bad.
637
00:28:44,375 --> 00:28:45,208
[quacks]
638
00:28:46,041 --> 00:28:47,916
[Tupac] Now let's get that boy home.
639
00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:52,375
[Charly] Hey, Papa.
Do you have a favorite movie?
640
00:28:52,458 --> 00:28:54,375
-[Toni] Armageddon.
-[Charly] Uh, Arma what?
641
00:28:54,458 --> 00:28:56,375
[Toni] Armageddon,
the best movie of all time.
642
00:28:56,458 --> 00:28:58,875
-Don't tell me you don't know Armageddon.
-Can we watch it?
643
00:28:58,958 --> 00:29:01,666
[Toni] Sure.
I could watch that movie every day.
644
00:29:01,750 --> 00:29:03,333
Maybe even twice a day.
645
00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:08,791
Well, that was fun. And now Armageddon?
646
00:29:08,875 --> 00:29:10,083
Yeah!
647
00:29:10,583 --> 00:29:12,708
[Charly] Best day ever!
648
00:29:13,458 --> 00:29:14,916
[Toni] Best day ever.
649
00:29:16,208 --> 00:29:18,291
Hm. Best Dad ever.
650
00:29:19,208 --> 00:29:20,041
Ahh!
651
00:29:20,125 --> 00:29:21,416
Miss Müller-Müller?
652
00:29:22,083 --> 00:29:24,125
Nuh-uh. It's a pop-up version of her.
653
00:29:24,208 --> 00:29:25,625
You know she's called Müller-Müller
654
00:29:25,708 --> 00:29:27,791
'cause her mother wanted
to keep her surname, right?
655
00:29:27,875 --> 00:29:31,791
Johnny, why do you have
a big cardboard cutout of Müller-Müller?
656
00:29:31,875 --> 00:29:33,916
Oh, uh, she was here.
657
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,583
She came in a chopper. Ooh! [laughs]
658
00:29:36,666 --> 00:29:38,500
She wanted to check on your progress,
659
00:29:38,583 --> 00:29:41,916
so I told her, "Toni isn't here right now,
Miss Müller-Müller."
660
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,041
"He's busy with some father-son stuff."
661
00:29:44,666 --> 00:29:46,833
"Father-son stuff here,
father-son stuff there,
662
00:29:46,916 --> 00:29:49,625
father-son stuff everywhere,
that's all Toni's been doing."
663
00:29:49,708 --> 00:29:52,041
And then she got really angry and said,
664
00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:55,416
"What the fuck's wrong with him?
He has shit for brains, doesn't he?"
665
00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:58,208
"He should be working,
why the hell isn't he?"
666
00:29:58,291 --> 00:30:01,208
-Why didn't you just use your phone?
-I did, but you-you had no reception.
667
00:30:02,416 --> 00:30:03,250
Shit!
668
00:30:03,333 --> 00:30:05,125
Buddy, don't get upset.
669
00:30:05,208 --> 00:30:07,375
It's fine, Daddy took care of it for you.
670
00:30:07,458 --> 00:30:09,583
I came up to her and said,
"Miss Müller-Müller."
671
00:30:09,666 --> 00:30:11,791
"What?!" "Oh, please calm down."
672
00:30:11,875 --> 00:30:14,250
[growls] "Suggestion, what if Toni…"
673
00:30:14,333 --> 00:30:17,250
"Yeah?!" "…comes by your office
first thing in the morning
674
00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:20,416
and sings all his nice
little songs for you personally?"
675
00:30:20,500 --> 00:30:24,166
And then she left this here
to put a little pressure on you, and said,
676
00:30:24,250 --> 00:30:28,791
"Tomorrow morning, 8:00, my office!
And the songs better be really good!"
677
00:30:28,875 --> 00:30:30,916
J-Johnny, which songs?
678
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,208
Well, the ones you're always
playing around with, right?
679
00:30:33,291 --> 00:30:37,000
None of them are done yet,
they're all just… junk.
680
00:30:37,083 --> 00:30:38,083
Oh.
681
00:30:39,166 --> 00:30:41,500
Uh, well, then that was really dumb of me.
682
00:30:43,416 --> 00:30:44,250
Shit!
683
00:30:44,958 --> 00:30:47,208
Okay, I'm ready for movie night.
684
00:30:47,958 --> 00:30:50,541
Goddammit, an entire day
gone straight to the garbage.
685
00:30:50,625 --> 00:30:52,000
Thanks a lot, you two.
686
00:30:53,166 --> 00:30:55,250
I have to write!
687
00:30:56,375 --> 00:30:57,375
[door slams]
688
00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,583
[Toni] Ahh!
689
00:31:03,291 --> 00:31:07,125
[moody music playing]
690
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,000
[hip-hop song playing]
691
00:31:31,375 --> 00:31:32,541
♪ Okay ♪
692
00:31:33,375 --> 00:31:37,125
[rapping in German]
693
00:33:12,416 --> 00:33:18,291
[upbeat song playing]
694
00:33:59,125 --> 00:34:03,333
[electric organ music playing]
695
00:34:38,083 --> 00:34:40,541
[music ends]
49173
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