Original subtitles

This programme contains real-life cancer stories.

ALISON: Over the next five weeks...

Wow, it's bigger than I thought it was going to be!

...famous faces... I'm so excited! ...from the worlds of music...

This is crazy. Let's go, let's go, let's go. ..television... Ooh!

"Nine mango slices"? Sieve! ...broadcasting and comedy...

I think they're absolute sods for making us do this.

Oh, ah! Agh!

...will enter the world's most famous tent...

Eeee!

Oh, it's so scary. Come on!

...all in the name of Stand Up To Cancer.

No matter what happens, we're here for a great cause.

None of it's going to go that well, but we're gonna have a nice day.

This is the part I'm most terrified for.

I'm getting stressed.

Don't break, don't break.

NOEL: Each week... Oh, no!

Are you kidding me?!

...our celebrities will battle it out...

Absolutely bricking it, mate. Ow!

...hoping to impress guest judge Cherish Finden...

This is genius in one bite. It is so tasty.

...from Bake Off - The Professionals...

♪ That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh. ♪

...and Paul Hollywood...

Where's the matcha?

None of your business. OK.

...all aiming to win the coveted Star Baker apron...

Do you want a handshake or an apron? Both.

...and raise as much dough as they can... Nailed it.

...for Stand Up To Cancer.

Oh, I'm pretty happy with that. I got this.

ALISON: In a Bake Off first,

this week's Stand Up To Cancer celebrity bakers

are all comedy legends returning to the tent for a second time.

Former Star Baker and reigning champion Joe Wilkinson...

I like all of them.

They're all nice people, but that's out the window.

I will do absolutely anything to destroy these five people.

It's too small for my neck. NOEL: ..Roisin Conaty...

I'm once again feeling stupidly positive,

considering I haven't baked since the last time I was here.

...Jon Richardson...

I think I know less now than last time.

I'm not really a handshake kind of guy anyway.

...Judi Love...

Seeing the tent lit up just reminds me of,

like, the last time I was here and just how much fun I had.

...Tom Davis...

I've had some lows in my life, but watching Paul Hollywood

pull two of the items that I baked last time out of his mouth

was probably a bit of a low.

I'm hoping this time I can get a handshake.

...and Rose Matafeo.

I'm back to get the Star Baker apron.

I need a new apron.

I set my last one on fire.

Welcome back to the tent, celebrity bakers,

for this very special edition.

We should also welcome special guest judge,

from Bake Off - The Professionals, it's Cherish Finden.

Thank you. APPLAUSE

It's lovely to have a real professional in the tent. Yeah.

LAUGHTER Paul didn't like that.

OK, so, today, the judges would love you to make

eight delicious breakfast pastries.

Your pastries should be made with rough puff pastry,

and they can be any shape you like.

Also, your pastries need to have a delicious filling,

which can be either savoury or sweet.

You've got two hours for this.

On your marks. Get set.

Bake.

Good luck, bakers.

Why does this feel so nerve-racking?

This is something I make for myself every morning.

I'm very much on autopilot here.

PAUL: Today's signature challenge for our celebrity bakers,

they have to make eight amazing breakfast pastries.

I've never made them before,

cos if you're going to fail, fail hard.

A rough puff pastry is all about adding grated frozen butter

and then begin to fold it. They're called turns.

You need to do a minimum four, five turns

to create the layers and therefore the lamination.

Who would think grater-ing butter would be so much work?

Raw pastry is a no-no in my dictionary

because it will upset my tummy, and I refuse to eat them.

I'm in a good spot.

I'm the car that's skidding towards the accident,

but Roisin is the accident.

They've got two hours for this challenge.

It's plenty of time to make a rough puff,

and at the same time, you've got to prepare your filling as well.

I think it's going to be good.

They can do sweet or savoury, but my expectation is high today.

None of it's going to go that well, but we're gonna have a nice day.

Morning, Roisin. Welcome back.

What is it like to come back again?

Oh, it's so scary, but I'm...

Well, it depends what you're making. What are you making for your

breakfast pastries? I'm making pecan plaits. Oh, lovely.

I also thought pecan plaits were called pecan plates,

which is never a good sign.

NOEL: Roisin's breakfast pastries will be filled with

a sweet pecan centre.

To create the plait, she'll

braid her pastry before baking -

a technique she's yet to hone.

When you practised this, what happened to the pastry?

How do you feel about lying in general?

No problem. It came out really well.

Great.

I'm a bag of nerves here.

You won, didn't you, last time?

You made a bum, didn't you? Yeah, I made my bum, yeah.

Did you do it like in that Lionel Richie video?

Did you just feel...? Like all of us,

I spend a good chunk of my day feeling my own bottom.

NOEL LAUGHS I love that you're here.

THEY LAUGH

ALISON: Sticking to his cheeky instincts,

Joe's using his return to the tent

to make super healthy pastries,

shaped and glazed to look like carrots,

but filled with a chocolate orange ganache.

What about the stem of the carrot?

Oh, I've got this Japanese knotweed...

THEY LAUGH

...that I picked fresh from the garden.

It sounds amazing -

I love orange... Oh, I love this. ...chocolate.

You love Japanese knotweed. I love Japanese knotweed. Yeah.

Right, a little bit of water - let's turn this into a dough.

Traditional rough puff pastry is known for its laminated layers.

I'm gonna be honest with you,

I'm not really a pastry girl in that sense. Never made it.

It just seems like a lot of work.

I think they're absolute sods for making us do this.

Despite failing to impress Paul last time he was in the tent...

I tried really hard on that. That's the worst thing.

...Jon's once again going entirely plant-based.

TOM WHISTLES Just in case the baking doesn't

go very well, I like to feel that I'm a better person.

Morning, Jon. Morning, Jon. Hello, there.

Can I ask what you're making today? Cheese twists.

What cheese are you using? Vegan.

NOEL: How long have you been vegan?

Well, I was here seven years ago...

You were vegan then. You were vegan then, were you?

I was the third vegan, I think, seven years ago, on the planet,

and now there's loads of us.

So you have to be nice to us now, cos we're an army.

Determined to win Paul over,

Jon's doing a plant-based version

of a Welsh rarebit.

To shape, he'll carefully construct his pastry

into intricate twists.

I think I lost it the minute I just told them what I was doing.

Did he kind of glaze over when you said the word vegan?

Do you know what? The first thing this morning... Yeah.

...I seen him outside the tent... Yeah.

...and I shook his hand in real life cos I'm a good guy... Mm-hm.

...and he said, "That's the last handshake you're getting today."

I nutted him.

I said, "You want to watch yourself, mate."

Is that a rolling pin?

While Jon is sticking firmly to his veggie principles...

It's really knocked me, is what's happened there.

...Tom's tradesmen past...

I want it to be about 30cm.

...is providing the inspiration for his bake.

When you're working on a building site,

most of your life is run off a big breakfast in the morning,

massive fry-up,

and this is in honour of a good breakfast.

Tom's planning to elevate a meat-filled classic.

He'll top his sausages with hot honey

and add a cheesy bechamel sauce

with one goal in mind.

It would be nice to get a handshake, actually,

from someone who gives out handshakes willy...

Not you, mate. I don't even know who you are.

Grotty old hand coming across the...

"Grate half of the frozen butter

"over the bottom two thirds of the dough."

To achieve the perfect puff pastry, the bakers must work quickly.

You can never grate too much butter, can you?

Keep grating, girl.

If the butter melts before baking...

You want to, like, use your hands as little as possible.

...it won't create the steam needed

to form the all-important defined layers.

It's just so Paul feels good about himself.

Every fold is a chance for him to criticise.

So chilling the dough between turns is crucial... OK.

...giving the bakers time...

Have you ever seen anything with such skill?

...to start on their sensational fillings.

Some of the best in the business, these posh dogs.

It's all about the vibe.

Good, huh?

I hope it's going to blow your mind.

That absolutely stinks. What is it?

It's bacon.

Fake bacon absolutely stinks.

Don't like nothing too, too sweet in the morning,

so I'm going with, like, a traditional Jamaican breakfast,

which is, like, ackee and saltfish and plantain.

Let's see how it works.

An ode to the Jamaican breakfast dish she loves,

Judi's creating patties which she'll fill with a mix

of pan-fried ackee and saltfish,

plantain, onions and pepper.

This reminds me of my mum.

Isn't it amazing how food just transports you?

It's just one of those things that I say, isn't it?

It's breaking bread that brings us all together. Yeah.

Like, you could upset your mum and you could be in trouble,

but she'd go, "Come and eat your food."

"Come and have your food," yeah.

And it just brings you back together. Yeah, yeah.

Judi's not the only baker... Hm.

...taking childhood inspiration.

There's a lot of bones in this.

Rose's breakfast pastry...

I'm making a scrambled egg, chorizo chouquette.

...also has a special element of home she'll incorporate.

I have a secret ingredient today - Nan's tree tomato chutney,

which is a very famous family recipe.

Hoping to win the judges

over with her favourite morning flavours,

Rose will fill her pastry pockets

with scrambled egg, cheddar and chorizo.

And for a final flourish,

she'll add her nan's home-made chutney.

You sound very confident. How many times have you made this?

Six or seven times.

Have you practised that many times? Yeah.

I've got to keep my hands cold, though.

My hands are so hot all the time.

Stick your hand on the base of the freezer

and then bring them out again.

Is that not a thing? No.

He's saying that's not... I think it's working.

I think it's working. Ice water. Good luck.

Yeah, I'll get some ice water. Thank you very much indeed.

Thank you. Thanks, guys.

Bakers, you are halfway through. Keep going.

There we go, then.

With time marching on...

What's happening now is the magic.

...and they're rough puff warming...

I can't talk. This is the worst time.

...the bakers must work fast...

Looks a bit crumbly.

...to roll and cut their shapes.

It's got a big tear in it.

I'm just very anxious about cutting it.

Ah, you BLEEP.

What are you doing? Are you making some rectangles?

I'm making some rectangles based on this.

It's hard, isn't it, this baking game?

It's not our skill set.

It's not in our wheelhouse, is it?

Wow, Joe, this looks great!

JUDI GASPS Oh... Oh, he's doing a cone!

JOE: Do you think it looks all right? Are you crazy?

Joe is one of my dearest friends. I adore the man.

He's a snake.

JOE LAUGHS Oh, I haven't done the egg.

JON: Wow, Joe.

A lot of people would've taken these out first,

but if I get a bit of muck on it, it's not my fridge.

Right, we're going in.

Baking and filling them afterwards, just like Grandma used to do.

Beautiful oven.

Let's go 15.

Four to five hours, that should be. TOM LAUGHS

I like mine on fire.

Is everyone in?

I don't know, Nan. I got to fill them.

This is the filling, and it smells delicious, actually.

It's made me feel like I can do this.

Nan's chutney is going on kind of sparingly,

because if I've wasted this much chutney

on something that they don't like,

that's going to be terrible.

I don't think this is going to make a heart.

I've put too much plantain in.

The great thing about when it goes in the oven

is you can't see it then, can you?

Oh, bacon. Let's get all the disgusting stuff on.

They can really choke on it.

Am I the only one trying here?

The head girl in me comes out way too much here.

I don't think they look like this in the shops.

Oh, I can twist.

It looks all right now, doesn't it?

And now we fold and crimp.

Yeah, it's a bit pasty-ish.

Ooh, it's staring to melt!

OK, in we go.

So much fun.

Go away now, please.

Better in than out.

Bakers, you have half an hour left.

Here we go, look - this is the big bit now.

Bechamel.

Do you want a choccy bit? Yes, please.

It smells over here, though. Why does it smell?

Something smells of damp. Damp?!

I'm using sewer water for my bake.

It's a very odd atmosphere in this tent.

Have you been vegan all your life? No!

I had breast milk, and then I went vegan.

Used to spit it out towards the end.

When I was eight or nine, I'd be like, "No."

I think it's going to be a decent bechamel.

Bakers, you've got 15 minutes.

It's so not on. Oh, no.

Look at this puff pastry. It's swimming in butter.

Oh, babes, the butter that's coming out of this...

Oh, my God! They're sort of vomiting.

Roisin's got her oven door wide open,

so that makes me feel slightly better.

Oh, they're just melting everywhere.

I've never seen anyone use an oven like a convertible car before,

where you can just sort of drop the roof down.

I've only got six.

Shall we try and make two really quickly?

There's one there, but it won't be cooked in time.

Chuck it in!

"How's it looking?" Yeah.

Brother, that there, that is gonna taste nice, babe.

Wow!

It's like Mr Twit's gone on a Michelin-starred cooking course.

Joe's look great, but Rose's are phenomenal.

They're not as good as the ones I've tried at home.

Who do you think can bake in here? Joe. Joe? I'm freaking out.

He is a dark horse. Cheers.

Definitely not Roisin.

They're raw. They look dangerous.

It looks like something you'd send an enemy.

Bakers, you've got ten minutes. Oh, what?

He's got to be kidding me.

They're coming out. Just going with my gut.

A lot of anxiety trying to put all this together.

I wonder how this will pipe. Let me see Joe's.

Where's...? In the fridge at the moment.

They're too hot.

What are you presenting yours on?

I've gone for a sort of roadkill vibe,

so I'm gonna go for the side of a tyre.

That's your comment on veganism, I guess?

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

Bakers, you've got five minutes left!

Unbelievable!

I'm scared of this bit.

I just need to take them out.

They look absolutely disgusting.

I wouldn't eat it.

I'm not even vegan. I only did it to piss Paul off.

Ooh! I think these have come out perfectly baked.

Oh, my God! Look at them! Tom, stop it!

Stop it! Come on, everyone, we're done here!

Oh, I'm worried now.

Mine's not gonna cook, is it?

Judi, you've got one... Ah! I've dropped them!

You've got one minute left.

Ow. JON: Board them up now, then.

JOE: Sticking eyes on it,

and I don't have a reason why.

TOM: Just a bit of hot honey. Aye, aye, aye, aye!

Oh, it's unpleasant to touch them.

There's one of them that's absolute rogue.

That doesn't look pretty. TOM: That's me done.

Actually, I'll tell you what I can do is just stick those on top.

Bakers, your time is up!

Please step away

from your beautiful pastries.

I think I've won. There's seven, but they're finished.

"How did that go for me?" Well, I think we all saw.

There's only so much you can say when the evidence is on a plate.

Can we talk about Joe? It's got eyes on it,

and the eyes are looking at you saying, "Yeah, I'm pretty."

Got a load of that on my jumper,

but I reckon it's not chocolate.

Well, what's done is done.

I think it's amazing to be back here,

particularly raising awareness for Stand Up To Cancer.

It's an incredible thing to be part of

and a really important thing to be raising money for.

Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.

Help us fight back.

100% of the money you give will

fund life-saving cancer research.

It's now time for the bakers' breakfast pastries

to face the judgment of Paul and Cherish.

Hi, Jon. Hi, Jon. Hi. Welcome.

Mm. Happy with them? Are you happy with them, Paul?

It just doesn't look very attractive.

We live in the 21st century now, Paul,

and you've got to judge them on their personalities.

Close-up there. Close-up.

Interesting flavour.

LAUGHTER

I'm so sorry. Did you like it?

I think the seasoning is spot-on, but the pastry is raw.

Wow, hate crime.

I like the colour.

There is some lamination there. You've got some layers there.

Overall, I think very good effort.

It's not perfect, but it might taste good.

Oh, no, he's touching his mouth like he's gonna heave.

It's quite dry.

You may have lost a lot of butter when you were baking it.

I can taste the maple. The pecan is crunchy.

It's nice, it's flaky.

Very good effort. Love the taste profile.

Thank you, guys. Thank you. Well done. Thank you, my darling.

Why is there some with hat on and some without hat on?

Not all of them could afford a hat.

Get stuck into that.

I love the taste, and you do have lamination.

You've lost a little bit of the butter in the oven,

which makes it quite dry.

I think overall, the taste profile is quite nice.

However, I think the puff pastry is actually very dense.

Thank you, Tom. Thank you.

Well done, Tom. Cheers, guys. Thank you.

I'd eat your sausage all day long. Easy.

You promised a heart-shaped pasty.

Where is the heart shape?

You know, everyone's heart is slightly different,

and in my eyes, this is a heart shape.

I can see some sort of lamination,

but it could have done with a little bit more. OK.

Needed more of a bake, but your pastry's not bad at all.

Jamaican breakfast? Yes. I like it.

Oh, thank you. I've never tasted it before.

It's not as bad as Jon's?

- Oh, God, no. - No? OK. LAUGHTER

Overall, I think they look very professional.

I love the glaze, I love the crispiness,

and I love the topping as well.

I mean, if you saw that in a bakery,

you'd want to smash them all, wouldn't you?

This is exceptional.

This is genius in one bite.

It is so tasty.

You have crusty top, flake all the way through.

The zing coming from the chutney works beautifully well with the egg.

And what I love about it, there's butter on my fingers...

That's what they all... ...and the flavour is stunning.

It's a buttery Paul Hollywood handshake! It's amazing.

Well done.

I think the design is exceptional. Yeah.

I'm in Alice In Wonderland. Thank you.

I think they really work.

And what I do like when you look at them initially is the lamination.

You can see the lamination in them.

The only thing... Whoa, whoa.

Let's just leave it on the lamination.

...is it baked long enough?

God, I hope they're bad.

QUIET LAUGHTER

Silence is good, right?

Your baking is probably five minutes from perfection,

but actually, the flavour inside works well.

I think you've done a great job. Well done, Joe.

Thank you. Put it there.

Ah, worth a try, weren't it?

It's very sexy eating it, and I feel like I'm actually enjoying it.

About time someone said sexy. Well done, Joe.

Oh!

That's really good.

Love it, love it, love it. OK, OK. Well done, Joe. Aw.

I said I wouldn't cry. That was so beggy.

Not many people can say they've mixed chocolate,

the skin of an orange and double cream and made it sexy.

Job done. Let's go home now.

I mean, I ate one, and now I feel physically sick.

So it's hard to defend your food when you've poisoned yourself.

I got a Paul Hollywood handshake,

and it was covered in butter.

It's all to play for.

I think that's what they say in sports, right?

It's all to play for.

While the bakers were allowed to prepare for their signature bake,

the technical challenge is a complete mystery.

Hello, bakers. It's time for your technical challenge,

and this one has been set for you by cheeky Cherish.

Cherish, have you got any words of advice for our lovely bakers?

Read your recipe very carefully. It's all there.

As ever, this technical challenge will be judged blind,

so we're gonna have to ask these two poppets

to exit the tent.

OK, bakers, for your technical challenge,

Cherish would love you to bake ten vegan... Oh.

...matcha sandwich biscuits.

What?

Your biscuits need to be flower-shaped,

filled with smooth yuzu ganache.

You've got one hour and 45 minutes

to get into a state of mind over matcha.

Come on. Come on. Thank you.

On your marks. Get set.

Bake.

Oh, there's a lot of gear.

I've never cooked anything vegan in my life.

No idea what matcha is. I've read it's all the rage.

DUCK QUACKS

Cherish, tell us all about your vegan biscuits.

It's two pieces of matcha biscuit sandwiched

with this beautiful creamy yuzu ganache.

Where could they go wrong?

The bakers should not overwork the dough.

If they overcook the biscuit,

the colour will change and it doesn't taste good.

If they undercook the dough,

it will be raw and it will not be very nice to eat.

It is actually quite difficult to get the ganache spot-on as well,

so the baker has to make sure that it is a piping consistency.

It does melt in the mouth. You wouldn't know that's vegan.

And the biscuit feels quite buttery.

I'm not a big fan of matcha,

so for me, the hero in that is the yuzu.

It's very grassy, it's a bit of bitterness... Mm.

...and the yuzu just combines together in perfection.

I can't wait to see what they're going to come up with.

"150g of plain flour."

The bakers' first task is to make their all-important biscuit dough.

"Sift the flour, icing sugar,

"salt and matcha powder into a medium bowl."

You'll probably win now you've got a handshake. You know that?

No, look at Joe. Oh, he got handshake, too.

Yeah, but he begged for it.

To ensure the biscuit has the short,

snappy texture the judges are looking for...

"Add the cubed plant-based butter."

...the bakers must combine their ingredients correctly.

"Rub the butter into the flour mix

"till mixture resembles breadcrumbs."

If their mix is uneven,

pockets of butter in the dough will melt

and lead to an uneven bake.

Some people are calling you the champ.

Yeah, it's all over the web.

What's it like, the handshake?

It's your second one, isn't it?

To be honest with you, becoming tedious.

It feels weird that there's no liquid in this.

"Roll the dough out between two sheets

"of nonstick baking paper for a thickness of half a centimetre."

Oh!

You all right, Roisin?

I've had a matcha mistake.

Look at the state of hers already.

Look at the state of that!

We're rolling the dough out to two centimetres thick...

...half a centimetre thick.

"Using the cutter, cut a flower shape out of the biscuit dough."

"Transfer the flour onto the lined baking sheet,

"then repeat the process until you have 20 cuts."

20?!

NOEL: The dough needs to stay cool.

If it warms up, the flower pattern will lose its sharp edges

and cutting could become a challenge. Ugh.

And to bake evenly,

the biscuits need to all be rolled to the same thickness.

I feel like I've got a lot of dough left,

which means the biscuits are too thin.

I'm worried about the colour of everyone else's matcha.

Babes, we're all different colours.

I want to be that colour. ALISON CHUCKLES

I've got a couple of absolute wrong 'uns.

Some of these will be better than the ones I had cos they're thicker.

JUDI: 17, 18, 19, 20.

"Chill for 15 minutes, then bake."

Bakers, you have 52.5 minutes left!

You are halfway through!

I'm onto ganache.

JOE: "Pour the plant-based double cream into a small pan.

"Add the cornflour and whisk together until there are no lumps."

"Place over medium-high heat and bring to the boil,

"whisking to a thick custard."

JUDI: "Add plant-based oozy chocolate..."

Oh, wow, that actually smells delicious.

"..and coconut oil and stir until melts."

Is this gonna turn into something that isn't disgusting?

That's the question.

Are you having a nice time? I am.

You know, look, it's a fantastic cause,

and I think it's just brilliant.

It's not often that you get to cook with phenomenal comedians,

so I'm very, very happy to be here.

What did Paul say about your bake?

That the pastry needed another ten minutes.

Would you have put it in for longer if you were at home?

No, I wouldn't have put it in at all cos I wouldn't have cooked it!

What on earth is yuzu powder?

No-one on Earth knows what that is.

I'm all right, thank you. What about yuzu?

You see, you can still have fun.

"Using a stick blender...

"..blend until smooth."

ROSE: There we go.

"Put in the freezer for 15 minutes."

Freezer.

Bakers, you've got half an hour left!

♪ You've got half an hour. ♪

The judges are expecting ten perfectly baked biscuits...

Doesn't say how long to bake for, does it?

...but as always...

It just doesn't say how long we bake it for.

Yeah, because it's the technical.

...Cherish has withheld some vital information.

I've set it for 15, but I may come out earlier.

Babe, what's that you're making? The icing.

Oh, my God, when will this ever be over?

Bakers, you've got 15 minutes left!

For the perfect biscuits Paul and Cherish are looking for,

bake time is key.

Are you done?

Underbaked, and they'll be soft and crumbly.

They just stink of raw.

"Stink of raw" - I've never heard that before.

Overbaked, and they will lose their vibrant green colour

and be burnt and brittle.

TOM: It just feels so soft.

Oh, no!

I'll wait a little bit longer.

"To assemble, turn the biscuit upside down,

"spoon the ganache into a piping bag."

It's like paste.

TOM: This has been the bane of my life, this ganache.

Can I say the ganache is the prick of food?

It was perfect before.

Now I'm hoping it will warm up.

Mine's coming out.

NOEL: With their biscuits baked...

You might be undercooked.

...it's crucial the bakers

allow them to cool...

JUDI: I'm putting this in the fridge.

...so that the ganache filling doesn't melt.

How you doing, Rose?

I'm separating my uglies from my good-looking.

I've got A-list, and I've got B-list.

So, what, are you going to put the B-list on the bottom?

B-list on the bottom. Yes, Rose.

You're not messing around, are you?

Bakers, you've got five minutes left!

I cannot get the piping out of my piping bag.

Come on! Argh!

It's like milking a bull.

You gotta do what I did. You gotta feel it up.

Loosen me up, kid.

I know where I can keep it warm.

TOM LAUGHS

Arh! SQUELCHING

Rupture! I've got a herniated piping bag.

Ooh!

Oh, it's coming out.

Oh, feel the lumps in that.

Christ! No wonder it won't come out. It's like a kidney stone.

LAUGHTER

This is improvisation at its best.

Look at that!

Do you see what my thighs can do?

JUDI LAUGHS

It worked. Oh!

Oh, I broke a biscuit!

Bakers, you've got one minute left. What?

"Stamp 12 flowers out of the rice paper"?

Don't "crumble" under the pressure.

So I'm doing this.

We ain't got time for piping.

OK, bakers, your time is up!

Please get your technical bakes

and come and place them behind your photos.

Oh, look at those.

That's a lovely touch, Judi.

Paul and Cherish are looking for ten identical matcha sandwich biscuits

filled with a smooth yuzu ganache...

OK. OK.

...but they don't know whose belongs to who.

We'll start over here. This looks quite neat, you know?

At least there's been an attempt at piping something.

I think the cutting

is actually quite neat on the stamping. It is.

It's held quite well, that.

Even the biscuit's nice and short as well. Mm.

The yuzu ganache is very creamy.

Good effort. Yeah, nice.

For this person, they've got very neat hand. Mm.

You cannot see the royal icing.

The flower has been placed beautifully on the top.

Yeah, it has, but there is no colour on this. And also the piping skill.

That's not piping.

That's been slapped on there with a knife.

The biscuit's nice.

Probably cos I can't taste the matcha.

This looks very green.

Why is it so crumbly? Well, maybe they did it for aesthetics,

so it looks pretty.

But the taste is good. Mm, it just looks messy.

This person did not follow the recipe.

If you follow the recipe,

it should be quite vibrant in colour.

The piping's interesting. CHERISH LAUGHS

Flavour-wise... Mm. ...it's tasty. Mm.

For this person, I think,

a different thickness in all the biscuits. Yep.

I think they may have sat on them.

The piping's all over the place as well.

Mm. That biscuit is not good. Mm-mm.

Look how thick that part is! THEY LAUGH

It's lost almost all definition on this one.

Again, the mix was probably very soft as well.

Mm. LAUGHTER

It needs to be in the oven probably another five minutes

just to get a nice crisp on the outside.

WHISPERS: So this one is not cooked. Yeah. Yes.

NOEL: The judges must now rank the bakers' matcha and yuzu biscuits

from worst to best.

PAUL: OK, in sixth spot, we have this one.

Whose is this?

Roisin.

Overall, it was the inconsistency,

but the overall flavour was all right.

In fifth place, may I know who baked this?

The biscuit was underbaked.

In fourth place is Tom,

third place is Judi.

In second spot, we have this one.

Whose is this?

Joe, where's the matcha?

None of your business. OK.

Can we just find out who's won, please?

Let's not bother! Let's not bother!

First place!

Wow!

Well done, Jon!

Jon, I think that your biscuit is really tasty,

and you are the only one that attempt to pipe so beautifully.

Incoming snitch - he rolled that with his hands!

JON: I'd be fuming if I were them.

and they are fuming. Look at how angry they are.

After the first challenge, I was like,

"Star Baker - could be me."

Now I'm not so sure.

Cancer, it's touched by family massively.

My cousin passed away.

The hole that leaves within, you know, the family,

it makes you ever more look at the people around you,

your loved ones,

and cherish the time with them as much as you possibly can.

We are from Swansea.

I work as a physiotherapist,

and Matthew works as a criminal defence solicitor.

When we found out we were pregnant with Morgan,

there was so much excitement, and we'd not long been married.

And from the second he was born, he was a very laid-back baby.

He was happy.

Morgan was just coming up to two

when you were pregnant with his sister.

He was over the moon and just couldn't wait to meet her.

Kisses?

Morgan wouldn't leave her side.

Yeah, inseparable.

Rhiannon was brand-new

when we started noticing symptoms in Morgan.

The biggest one was his weight gain.

We were told that it would be because I'm six foot

and Matt is six foot two,

that he was always going to be a bigger child.

We went back and forth to the doctor's

with a number of different symptoms.

I remember putting him on his changing table

and standing there, and he said, "Daddy, tummy hot."

And he was in pain.

Your heart breaks on that day,

and then it breaks in a million little ways every day

in the days that follow.

To get that phone call to say that he's come through,

but then you see him literally cut from hip to hip...

Yeah.

But he was there.

Strongest little boy ever.

He finished the eighth round just after his third birthday,

and his scans after that were clear.

Oh, yay!

And the next three months, he was classed as in remission.

Mwah!

I think it was near Christmas

that we noticed there was some swelling around his tummy.

More tumours had popped up,

and they said that it just wasn't working,

whatever we were doing. It was coming back.

He switched into a sort of

"live every day as if it's the last" kind of mindset.

SHAKILY: And it was just, "Here's your son, just enjoy it."

It felt very unfair.

Morgan had tested positive for Li-Fraumeni syndrome,

and they explained that that was a mutation in Morgan's DNA.

And it meant that he was predisposed to

rare and very aggressive forms of cancer

and that we needed to look at the wider family

because it was very likely that it was inherited.

We were asked if we wanted to test Rhiannon,

and we decided that because of

everything we'd gone through with Morgan, that we needed to know.

We've already discussed her having

a voluntary double mastectomy when she's 16,

because her risk of breast cancer would be 95%-plus.

Knowing that she's regularly looked at gives her the best chance.

If it wasn't for Morgan, Rhiannon and I wouldn't be tested.

We wouldn't have that diagnosis.

Morgan losing his life has probably saved mine

and certainly his sister's.

NOEL: Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.

Help us fight back.

100% of the money you give will

fund life-saving cancer research.

MIXED CHATTER

What a whirlwind of comedians.

I need to, like, massage my cheeks

I've been laughing that much.

Oh, I feel sick now.

Are you enjoying the baking? I mean, Joe's done really well.

He's the guy that does practise at home

and then pretends, "Oh, it's just all natural." Yeah.

I think Rose, though, has actually done quite well in the signature.

She got a handshake, but she struggled in the technical.

She came fifth.

I thought the patties that Judi brought to the table were wonderful.

What about big Tom? I like his sausage.

I think the sausage was really tasty.

I'm sorry? You like Tom's sausage?

You know what I meant!

Just one more challenge remains...

TOM: Oh, cake time, baby.

...before Paul and Cherish decide

who will win the coveted Star Baker apron.

Welcome back to the tent, celebrity comedy bakers.

For your showstopper challenge,

these two beauties would love you to make a novelty cake

depicting the weirdest place you've ever fallen asleep.

Basically, we want these cakes to make the press, all right?

Now, you need to have two layers of beautiful sponge

sandwiching a delicious filling.

Your cakes should be highly decorated and delicious to eat.

You have three hours.

On your marks. Get set.

Bake! NOEL LAUGHS

Woohoo!

This is the hardest bit for me now, measurements.

This can't be enough flour.

The theme for this challenge is,

"The weirdest place I've ever slept."

I could literally lay down here and have a beautiful sleep.

My superpower is that I can sleep anywhere.

We've got six comedians in there, and I'm sure they're going to

come up with some pretty interesting ideas.

I want it to look like swamp water, but it's just jelly.

They need to use a robust sponge,

like a Madeira or even a Victoria sandwich,

something that's quite dense and can hold a bit of weight.

Oh, no, all my butter's melted!

Well, they can use so much ingredients to decorate the cake,

but I do not want style over substance.

Oh, no, I'm so sticky.

I hope they've at least practised once

to create real baking magic in the tent,

but I'm not holding my breath.

See you in two hours.

I don't have to talk to you, jelly, but it's nice.

Morning, Jon.

Tell us all about your beautiful vegan cake you're making.

This is a margarita-flavoured sponge to replicate the Atchafalaya Swamp.

I went to the swamp basin with Sean Lock, who I'm here for.

So we went out on the swamp at night,

and the guy shone a torch around

and there was twinkles all in the water.

And he said, "Every twinkle is an eye,

"and a green twinkle is a toad, and a red twinkle is an alligator."

Oh, wow. And he spun the light across,

and there was hundreds.

Hoping to catch the beady eyes of Paul and Cherish,

Jon will depict his trip with a cocktail-flavoured spin on a trifle.

He'll layer two lime sponges with buttercream

and top with jelly,

all in honour of his dear friend.

One of my abiding memories of Sean is watching him drink a cocktail

that was like a frozen margarita

with an upturned beer inside it.

Took him about two hours, and I remember him hating

every second of it. But he stuck with it,

and it makes me smile.

OK, here we go.

The key to a successful showstopper...

This is curdled soy milk. Mm-mm.

...is baking the perfect sponge to build upon.

Mayonnaise keeps it moist.

But while most of the bakers are following precise recipes...

I just don't feel like this is chocolaty enough.

...Judi plans to use her baking intuition...

Sometimes you've just got to follow your instincts.

Judi doesn't care about recipes.

Judi's thinking outside the box.

...to transport the judges back to

the weirdest place she's ever had a snooze.

I must have been about 18, 19,

and them days, you would jump on a bus to go home after the party.

We was at the bus stop waiting for the bus, and we'd had a few drinks.

And then we woke up, and it was, like, two hours later!

So we'd dropped asleep at the bus stop.

Judi's making a chocolate cake

to represent nodding off

waiting for the N38.

She'll add a bus stop

made out of rice paper

and construct a road

and her snoozing self

out of fondant.

PAUL: You are talking the talk,

now you've just got to walk the walk. Yeah, OK.

Don't look at me like that, Mr Blue Eye.

LAUGHTER Good luck.

- Thank you so much! - Thank you, Judi. JUDI LAUGHS

Whilst Judi's keeping it real on public transport...

If you do a good showstopper, you might win this.

He liked your sig, and you did all right in the technical.

I didn't do bad, did I?

That's what I'm saying. You could steal this.

...Joe plans on showing us how the other half live.

Weirdest place I've slept was on a jet ski.

A jet ski? Yeah.

Just turns out they're not for me.

Did you have, like, cake on your beard like this at the time?

Oh, God, have I got it all over me? Yeah.

That's a good sign. That shows effort.

Joe's going big with three layers of caramel sponge

to form his seascape,

which he'll top with blue marbled fondant.

He'll make the jet ski that lulled him to sleep

out of crispy rice cereal and fondant.

Have you practised this?

I have, yeah. OK, and it worked out all right?

I could show you the picture of the practice.

- I'll probably fall asleep. - Yeah! LAUGHTER

Just look at Joe now, sucking up to Paul.

This is ridiculous. Look at this.

"What's your favourite kind of buttercream?"

And Paul's like, "I don't know, mate, maybe toffee."

LAUGHTER

Guys, bit of dignity, come on.

OK, it's going in the oven.

Right, here we go. Let's do this.

See you in hell.

They're going to go in for 25 minutes to half an hour.

I'm making a pistachio sponge because I love pistachios.

And I've never made it before,

so I might as well attempt something that I like.

So where did you fall asleep?

Having a bikini wax.

Bikini wax? Really?

Isn't that meant to be painful? It is painful.

And when I woke up, the lady said to me, "Are you on drugs?"

NOEL: In homage to the most painful nap ever taken,

Roisin will make her beautician's bed

from a white chocolate and pistachio sponge,

which she'll top with

fondant towels,

but she'll need to keep

her wits about her.

I'm not worried.

I'm going to sabotage everyone else's. That's the plan.

Watch this.

Good luck finding your lime, Jon.

With their showstopping sponges in the oven...

I'm getting the lumps out of the icing sugar.

I've got a bit of baker's lung, but it just shows you care.

...the bakers can make a start...

This cake deserves a really, really good buttercream.

This is where it starts getting fun.

...on their delicious fillings.

This is the coffee cardamom buttercream.

♪ We like tequila

♪ It makes us happy And then makes us angry

♪ Then makes us cry. ♪

I'm depicting a cake where I slept outside

in the Wadi Rum Desert in Jordan.

Here I am, sleeping next to the rock.

So I'm going to try and recreate that boulder.

Rose is aiming to transport the judges to the Jordanian desert

with two differently flavoured cakes -

coffee and cardamom, and orange.

She'll assemble the towering boulder

by layering the sponges with buttercream.

How are you going to bring the texture into your stone-carved cake?

I did purchase an airbrush. Well done.

Good luck, Rose. Good luck. Thanks, guys.

Thank you. Thanks.

Whilst Rose has brought her own tools to the tent...

Weirdest place I've ever fallen asleep -

I used to sleep a lot on the building site

when I worked on them.

...Tom is down in his.

Tell us all about your cake creation.

Well, a little bone to pick, by the way. Sorry?

Yesterday, as everyone was leaving,

Paul shook everyone's hand apart from mine. Yeah.

Just to encourage you.

What is this for?

Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise - it keeps it moist.

Mayonnaise in the cake?

They're the most moist cakes, Alison, I've ever tried. Really?

Hoping the judges agree,

Tom's apple sponge will form

the base of his building site.

He'll flavour a second cake with caramel

and sculpt to form his sleeping body.

PAUL: Listen, if that apple sponge is good, I'll give you a handshake.

Oh. Oh! Oh, my God!

All right, shall we do a taste test for a bit of fun?

Literally can't taste the salt.

There's no flavour to it.

I've got to spice it up.

I'm not just saying this - it does need a bit more booze.

Do you know what we don't want?

Is Paul and Cherish saying, "Can't taste the salt."

♪ Bakers, you are halfway through. ♪

All right.

Judging when to take their sponges out of the oven is critical.

I mean, they're wobbly.

On top of which, the bakers must be sure

not to steal too many sneaky peeks...

Goo in the middle. Urgh!

...as opening the oven door...

I bet another ten minutes.

...can result... 25 to 30 minutes my ass.

...in disaster.

Oh, no! It's collapsed!

Oh, so sad!

JOE WHEEZES

Joe's having a panic attack.

OK, we've had a nightmare.

Are you all right, Joe? I took them out too early.

Oh, no! Oh!

That means you're the worst baker.

You fool!

Do you reckon I can still use them?

You'll be able to use some of it.

I could do a two-layer.

I think I'm gonna be all right.

Paul is very much like nearly every woman I met in my teenage years.

He sort of pretends I don't exist.

Even if we were cellmates in prison,

I don't think Paul would talk to me. No.

And I'd have to go, "Oh, can I borrow some of your toothpaste?"

He would go, "Who's that?"

"What was your name again?"

"I've been in here for 17 years!"

Oh! Cakes!

All right, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.

JUDI: There's nothing sticking on it.

Clean as a whistle.

Ooh. Ah. There we go. Got to be pleased with that.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, that smells really chocolaty.

Look at that. That is not good,

but we're gonna do two layers.

Agh!

Ohhhh!

ROISIN: That's actually chocolate that hasn't melted,

which is very worrying in a 180-degree oven.

What is this chocolate made of?

Time is ticking. You've got one hour left!

Uh-oh!

With time running out...

I am making me.

...there's no hitting snooze...

That's me when I was in The Prodigy!

...as the bakers move on to their intricate decorations.

TOM: I'm making an axe.

There's a guy I used to work with called Pete the Axe.

I said to someone... I said, "Why do they call him Pete the Axe?"

And they turned around and said, "Oh, cos he lent me an axe once."

This was a hired jet ski,

because I think I'm the only person in the tent

who doesn't own a jet ski.

These are very decadent people.

Hello. How are you? I'm all right.

I'm trying to make a camel.

They're quite stroppy, aren't they, camels?

And they're quite unruly. They are.

They've got a mind of their own and, you know, power to them.

I wouldn't want an annoying New Zealander on my back.

Well, I think I've made quite a David Lynch-type horror cake.

I mean, that looks insane.

Right, if we're going to do a bit of Judi Love...

Got to have a pink dress. Look at that.

JUDI YELPS

OK, I've got to cover my womb. Hold on.

It's a bit too short.

Bakers, you've got half an hour left!

This is where it comes alive.

That's cool enough to cut.

So I'm going to cut these out and stack them.

The thing is, is cutting the cakes so that there's a slight pattern.

This is beautiful buttercream.

It's like toast. You've got to get to the edges.

They'll forgive the middle.

You're wondering what's inspired the technique?

'80s dog muck -

you just don't get it any more.

That's unbelievable.

Ooh!

Well done. Oh, yes.

Oh, ah!

Oh, no, it's...!

Swamp cake. Oh, my gosh!

This is the moment you realise that what you've decided to do is a lot.

It is shaping up.

I know it looks like a lopsided cake right now, but that's art.

Ever heard of it?

ROISIN: This is the best cake in here.

That's the kind of chat I'm into now.

TOM: Oh, my God, this stuff is mad.

Oh, who invented this?

It's insane.

Oh, that looks good!

In fairness, that looks very good.

I'm in trouble.

Bakers, you've got 15 minutes left!

I've got to do the marbling.

Ooh, it's airbrush time.

I'm going in.

TOM: Oh, God.

Licence to airbrush.

This is a Hessian sack, which is quite clever in a way,

because it can be as scruffy and as crap as you want.

It's London pavement. There's potholes and everything.

Oh, that's quite a good sea, that, I think.

ROISIN: Oh.

I don't think I've got the skill,

and it's just going to look terrible.

God Almighty, this is terrible.

It's going to look bad, but it's going to taste delicious.

It's making the whole thing a bit more orange.

Arguably not worth it, but it's fun.

Bakers, you've got ten minutes left!

I'm just doing something, rather than accept that

that's the end of the cake.

You might be wondering what I'm doing.

Just taking out my frustration.

I'm going to try and create a sand-scape.

They're little shop-bought wafers to look like wood.

"Wood," "swamp" -

these are all delicious food words.

Double quilt.

Being in here is the least stressful you can be.

Just some cool guys baking cool cakes -

what's cooler than that?

Bakers, you've only got five minutes left!

I'm making some feet. I'm hoping they'll look quite cute.

OK.

I think I've done an all right job.

Excuse me, sir, please don't look at my...

It does look like you.

I had to put more hair on it cos it

really looked like Donald Trump. THEY LAUGH

The cat that used to come and sleep with me,

followed me around for years.

Bakers, you've got one minute left!

Oh, you're gonna lean.

A little life ring.

This is what they call a finishing touch.

These are the wax strips.

Her head fell off.

Oh, no!

Bakers, your time is up!

Please step away from your showstoppers.

Wow. I actually feel emotionally, physically, mentally drained.

And there's a promise -

if the apple cake's good, there's a handshake.

And look, if it doesn't happen, rejection is my middle name.

These are my wax strips. Oh, what a detail.

There's a lot of them, isn't there?

It was quite a nice experience because of what the cake's about -

every time someone asked me about it,

I got to talk about the trip with Sean, and that was quite nice.

Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.

Help us fight back.

100% of the money you give will

fund life-saving cancer research.

The bakers' "weirdest place I've ever slept" cakes

will now be judged by Paul and Cherish.

Joe, would you like to bring up your showstopper?

Good luck, Joe. Cheers, guys, means a lot.

Good luck, Joe. Go on, Joe boy.

I think it's been decorated really well.

And I so wanted to do this.

LAUGHTER Look, it's making him laugh.

Oh, beautiful. Ooh. Oh.

WHISTLING Beautiful, Joe.

It's nerve-racking, this bit, innit?

You did get a little collapse in your sponge

when it came out the oven, which is concertinaed in the middle,

but the outside of the sponge is delicious.

There's a cheekiness

of some sort on my palate at the moment.

You're welcome. Wow, that is genius. Yep. I like it.

I was thinking that word as well. Thank you.

Cheers. Very good effort. TOM: Go on, Joe. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

And what is this little thing that is on the bed?

They're little wax strips with hair.

There's a bit of a volume of hair.

It was the '90s.

ALISON: Right in the middle?!

I won't be shamed.

It's a delicious cake.

Mm. When he moves fast like that and grabs his own nose,

it feels like it's going to be good news!

Did you toast your pistachios at all?

There's no toasters here!

LAUGHTER - Oven. - Right.

They're a little bit chewy. They're nuts!

You shut up, Joe!

I think overall, the white chocolate,

the pistachio and the sponge, they work together beautifully.

Thank you, Cherish. Well done, Roisin.

Well done. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Roisin...

Oh! LAUGHTER

I think it's quite attractive.

I do like the jelly on the top.

It's a decent-looking cake.

Oh, lovely. TOM: Oh, lovely. Jon.

He's gonna hate it anyway, so it doesn't matter!

You needed a bit more kick with the buttercream and the sponge,

because all the flavour's actually coming from the jelly.

It is a very good effort because it is very difficult to get

a vegan cake that tastes like a cake, so well done. Thank you.

The jelly's delicious. Well done, Jon.

What's the red?

The red is the bus stop.

LAUGHTER That's not a bench!

It's London.

Oh! Oh!

Wow.

ALL: Ahhh!

TOM: Go, Judi.

ROSE: That's awesome! Yeah, come on! APPLAUSE

I like the sponges.

I think the sponges have got a nice flavour to them.

And actually, you baked them both pretty well.

I really like the chocolate sponge. I think it's actually very moist.

Thank you.

I think the overall

rock formation is really clever.

Oh, cool. But what does it taste like?

Oh, I can smell the cardamom.

Wow! There might be a lot.

ALISON: Look at that. Wow!

TOM: Wow.

JUDI:Right, where's my bag? LAUGHTER

It's got a lovely flavour to that. It's quite punchy.

I think the way you execute the cake,

I think you are very clever.

So well done, girl, well done.

Well done.

ROSE: Ooh! Come on.

Cheers. Nice, Tom.

Get that apple in you, Paul.

Go on, Paul.

Paul!

Don't leave him hanging, Paul!

JUDI: It's dry.

It can't be dry with all that mayonnaise!

It'd be great with prawns and ketchup.

Actually, I think the sponge is baked OK.

The top sponge, I think, is really nice.

However, the bottom one is a little bit too heavy.

Fist bump, if there's not gonna be a handshake?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah? Oh, wow. OK.

Oh, wow! Jeez!

Felt energy just come towards me!

So, in dedication to today, I've knocked up a couple of words.

"You know, life moves so fast,

"it's easy to forget the simple things -

"the way sugar sticks to your fingers

"and a little kindness sticks to your heart.

"Today, we gather not just to bake, but to share moments that matter

"for those fighting that we've lost

"and for those still here laughing with us.

"So let's bake with love, let's laugh with each other,

"and let's remember -

"every crumb counts when you stand up to cancer."

Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.

Help us fight back.

100% of the money you give will

fund life-saving cancer research.

Well, that was a delight.

I thought they did well considering they're amateur bakers,

and they've come here to support Stand Up To Cancer.

And actually, overall, I think they've done a great job.

I do like Joe's.

I think he did very well in the decoration,

especially the little feet. Mm.

And I do like Rose's as well.

She had so many layers in that, didn't she, Cherish? Yeah.

Seven layers plus the buttercream, a lot of effort.

But also worth a mention is Judi's.

To do a sort of checkerboard is quite tricky to do.

It wasn't accurate, but it was decent.

Cherish, have you had a nice time?

Well, I've had a brilliant time.

He is a master baker.

A what? He's a what?

Master baker?

Couple of letters out.

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

Wow, thank you.

This has been an amazing couple of days,

and thank you for giving up your time for charity.

But there is only one Star Baker,

and that Star Baker is...

...Joe.

Go on, Joe!

Go on, Joe.

Wow. I'm shocked.

First person to win the apron twice. Wow.

I thought there'd be more of a party atmosphere.

Who'd have thought?

How many of them have you got now? Seven.

Joe got Star Baker because

he was certainly the most consistent baker

over the three challenges.

You can tell he's a decent baker.

Very, very good.

I'm very pleased.

I'm obviously a little sad.

I thought I could get that apron this time, but Joe's the best.

He's the goat.

Yay! Yay!

Judi, this whole thing's been filmed, by the way.

I might not be the Star Baker -

just checking -

but I got my apron!

Check out this new tea towel. Absolutely magical.

What's magical about it?

Oh, that is magical!

Hey, if you fancy one of these magical tea towels

and one of these aprons,

all you've got to do is go to

channel4.com/su2c.

Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.

Help us fight back.

100% of the money you give will

fund life-saving cancer research.

Next time... Oh, ah! Agh!

...four more celebrities enter the tent...

Oh, God, I'm intimidated.

...all in the name of Stand Up To Cancer.

How are your nuts at the moment?

They're good... Well, the one left.

They go wild for tray bakes in the signature...

Ah, ha-ha! It worked!

...turn out tarts in the technical and revisit their childhood...

Don't break, don't break.

...with showstopping biscuits.

Whoa!

Oh, baby...

I love that you just called Paul Hollywood "baby".

That's going in the advert.

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