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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
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Oh, no, no.
3
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:08,680
Yes! Aah!
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00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:09,920
SHE HISSES, BELL RINGS
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Aah!
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00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,280
Um...
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Quite windy today. Yeah.
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Christ.
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Ooh! Wrong way.
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That's how you do it, baby.
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OK.
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Oh, my God!
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Aah! Aah! Aah! Ooh!
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00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,160
SHE BABBLES
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00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,840
Hello!
17
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,040
Hello.
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00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,320
I'm Greg Davies.
19
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:45,120
Welcome to the Taskmaster
grand final!
20
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,880
What a journey we've been on.
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00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,840
We've seen the full smorgasbord
of skills and intuition,
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00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,680
and a woman from the north
looking baffled.
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00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,600
As we thunder into this final set
of challenges,
25
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,640
the ultimate prize
of my gilded nut
26
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,560
could go to any of them,
27
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,480
apart from two of them
who definitely can't win
28
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,000
because they've been rubbish.
LAUGHTER
29
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,560
So here they are - please roar
one last time for the phenomenal
30
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,360
Joanne McNally...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,560
..John Robins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,800
..Nick Mohammed...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,560
..Sophie Willan...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,480
..and Steve Pemberton!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And for the last time this series,
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a man who I always associate
with a good night out
37
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,960
because he looks like
a giant revolving kebab that
38
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,800
a kid in bottom-set art
has drawn a face on.
39
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,720
It's little Alex Horne!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Woo!
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Yeah! Yeah, man.
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Awesome. Hey, Greg. I'm wearing
my special outfit for the final.
43
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So...pretty cool.
44
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Genuinely all I wanna do is
wear these for the whole show.
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00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,360
LAUGHTER
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Well, I shan't be allowing the
glasses to be worn for the final.
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I must wear the... No, I should
wear them. Give me the...
48
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I haven't trimmed them!
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00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,360
GASP, LAUGHTER
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00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,520
I mean, to be fair, it's one
of your better chat sections.
51
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,200
Here we go, then.
What is the final prize task
52
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,440
of the series, please, Alex?
53
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,720
Well, Greggington Bear, we're ending
on something that could really make
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00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,080
a difference to the world, because
you've asked them to bring in
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00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,560
the thing that gives
the most hope for the future of
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00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,080
the human race.
ALEX GASPS
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CROWD OOHS
Biggie.
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00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,800
Five points seems like
a fair deal for
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00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,200
the thing that gives the most hope
for the future of the human race
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and at the end of the episode,
well, we'll all have hope.
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00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,160
And perhaps that's all you can
ask for in this life.
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I love you guys.
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LAUGHTER
Over to you, Greg.
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Right then. Sophie.
65
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,440
Welcome to the final.
What have you brought in?
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Right, so...
67
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AI.
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One day, right, you'll be able
to assess a body part
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00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,520
using your phones and stuff, right?
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00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:59,240
Right. We'll be able to have
a full medical dead quick with AI.
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00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,760
Right. And I thought
that would be great. Yeah.
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And I thought especially for you,
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00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,080
because of your life choices
and everything that you get up to.
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00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,120
LAUGHTER
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I'm carrying a couple of pounds.
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Yes, and you look knackered. Right.
LAUGHTER
77
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,920
Sophie, can I show Greg
what you've actually brought in?
78
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Oh, yes. This is to remind you
that there is hope on the way.
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Yes. Thank you. A little robot.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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I think you're right,
that AI could save us,
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and therefore this is not, as per,
total shit.
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Great. Well done. I'll take it.
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00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,600
Nick.
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So what I have brought is...
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..the concept of fate.
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LAUGHTER
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Because I think that nothing...
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..should give more hope
to the human race,
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00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,320
that no matter how much
you might sort of
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00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,400
screw up in life or on this show...
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00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,760
Um...
LAUGHTER
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00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,760
..the fact that it might be
written in the stars somehow
94
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,240
I think offers a degree of comfort.
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00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,680
Do you know what I mean by that?
Yes... Yes.
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00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,440
Largely to people who don't
take responsibility
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00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,000
for their own actions. Yes.
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00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,800
Well, to that end, I have...
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00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,560
..made a prediction...
100
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:10,240
Oh... ..of my final score
on this show.
101
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:14,400
That's quite exciting. So I have
genuinely, inside there, OK... Yeah.
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00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,960
I have written my final score
of the whole series.
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Right. I'll sign it on here
across the flap to...
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You're watching Taskmaster
on Channel 4.
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LAUGHTER
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00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,320
Greg, if you sign it
over the seal as well...
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There's a Sharpie.
You know that no-one can get at it.
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00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,960
Great. OK. And then if you just
wanna pop that under there.
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00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,680
I'll pop it under there. And...
Yeah, I will.
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And the proof will be at the end
but, um... But, yeah. Fate.
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I feel like I'm totally
under his power.
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LAUGHTER
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Good. John.
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00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,200
Um, the world's in
a pretty scary place.
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00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:50,080
I think we'd all agree that perhaps
those in power don't represent us.
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Yeah, man. Yeah.
APPLAUSE
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I can see only one solution
and that is...
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..Kathy Burke.
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00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,760
LAUGHTER
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00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,080
I had the pleasure of meeting Kathy
for the first time recently.
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00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:07,080
She is kind, funny,
insightful, wise,
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and I just think if
we were somehow able
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00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,160
to put Kathy Burke in charge
of everything
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00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,600
and/or clone her - with permission -
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then it would mean an end to war,
inequality, poverty.
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00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,720
I just think she's got
a lot of answers.
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I mean, that is a lot
of responsibility to put on
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the shoulders of the woman
from Kevin And Perry Go Large.
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LAUGHTER
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00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,360
She chose Get Ur Freak On
on Desert Island Discs
131
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and that was my first dance
at my wedding. OK.
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LAUGHTER
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That's reason alone
to give her a low mark.
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Um, big fan.
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00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,120
Joanne. Yeah. Hello.
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Um, I really thought about this,
and the future of the human race,
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as much as I love men,
they are a big problem.
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All the big hitters, all the big
dictators, all men. Yeah.
139
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,720
I've referred constantly
to myself as a basic bitch.
140
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,680
It's time to give the power
to women like me.
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I present you with
the Basic Bitch Starter Pack.
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Yeah.
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We've got...
LAUGHTER
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00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,680
..some cucumber eye sheets,
we've got a couple of cheapo
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00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:12,040
scented candles from Primark.
LAUGHTER
146
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,160
Slippers. A onesie,
cos basic bitches like to be cosy,
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00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,160
we like to relax.
LAUGHTER
148
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,760
Give more power
to the basic bitches.
149
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,360
Things would be a lot more chilled.
APPLAUSE
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I've always said that.
151
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I quite like it.
You sort of make sense.
152
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,360
Steve, what have you brought us?
GREG CHUCKLES
153
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,040
I've brought something tonight that
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00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,280
I don't think anyone's ever brought
into Taskmaster before.
155
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OK. And it's this. Here it is.
156
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,120
Nothing. Oh, God.
157
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,520
You're gonna make me have
an existential crisis, aren't you?
158
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,200
This is a statement - nothing.
159
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If you think about all the dreadful
things we've been through recently.
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Sorry - artificial intelligence.
Brexit, uh, cancel culture,
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00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,840
deathly pandemics. Yeah.
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Greenhouse gases,
hottest temperatures ever,
163
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,760
ice caps melting,
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00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,320
John Robins probably
winning Taskmaster.
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00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:00,600
LAUGHTER
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These are the disasters of this age.
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00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,200
LAUGHTER
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00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,200
And I think you know it, Greg.
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I do now. And yet...
170
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,040
And yet.
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00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,600
He's doing the Tony Blair
thumb point.
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LAUGHTER
173
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,560
If there is a child
watching this tonight
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00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,280
who looks up from their TikTok
or their memes
175
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,360
just because of what I've just said
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and thinks, "Why is the nice old
vicar-man saying
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"the world's gonna end?"
178
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"I've gotta do something
about that,"
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and they tell a friend
and their friend tells a friend,
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00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,400
suddenly you've got
the start of a movement
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00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,560
just because I chose to bring in
nothing to Taskmaster.
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And if you can support me on this,
Greg...
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00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,520
..then I think this could be
the beginning of a real change.
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00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,800
Society needs truth-tellers.
185
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,960
Emmeline Pankhurst,
186
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,240
Rosa Parks, Malala...
187
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:50,480
..Greg Davies.
188
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,400
LAUGHTER
189
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,560
APPLAUSE
190
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,440
I...I just wanna take
a moment, if I may,
191
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,080
cos it's the first time I'll be
included in a sentence
192
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,640
in the same company as Malala.
193
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,440
LAUGHTER
194
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,040
Right then, Greg. Good luck.
195
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,520
Well, John. It's no slight on
Kathy Burke,
196
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,640
I just haven't met her
so I can't judge.
197
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,880
Kathy, if you're watching,
sorry about this. One point.
198
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,280
LAUGHTER
199
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,320
Nick. It's difficult because
Nick's magic trick... Hmm.
200
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,440
Like at the moment it's rubbish,
but it might turn out to be amazing.
201
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,040
I'm giving him two points,
full stop, end of.
202
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,880
But if he correctly predicts
the score at the end,
203
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,840
I'll give him a cash prize
from my own...
204
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,600
A cash prize. There we go.
205
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,600
£300. Woo!
CROWD OOHS
206
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,440
Do I have to donate it to charity?
No.
207
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,240
LAUGHTER
208
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,840
Three points for the robot.
Three to Sophie.
209
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:47,080
Cos AI might well save us, it might
also destroy us. Big problem.
210
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,040
I'm gonna give the concept of
nothing, even though it was one of
211
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,440
the greatest performances
I've ever seen, just because of,
212
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,280
er, a basic bitch running the gaff
is a bit more tangible,
213
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,600
I'll give her five points there.
214
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,840
Four points to Steve,
five to Joanne, there we go.
215
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:03,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That was so genuinely hard to score.
216
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,920
Impossible, impossible.
217
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,200
Let's have a proper task.
218
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:10,000
OK, well, first up for the final
we have pegs, Greg, pegs.
219
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,040
Loads of pegs, Greg,
and tasks, Greg.
220
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,960
Don't ask, Greg,
but there's so many tasks, Greg,
221
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,840
tasks and peg, Greg. Let's go!
222
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,720
DUCK QUACKS
223
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:30,680
Oh, God.
224
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:34,120
All right. All right?
Yeah, I'm all right.
225
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,960
John! Hello, Alex.
226
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,520
Please open a task.
227
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:39,920
Oh, where is it?
228
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,840
It's...it's not that, is it? No.
229
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,000
But they're all tasks.
230
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,200
Is this a random choice of task,
whichever I want? Yes.
231
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,240
This guy.
232
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,520
You sure? Yeah. No.
233
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:55,840
Oh, God.
234
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,520
"Find and complete the real task."
235
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:05,240
"Each task has a 1% chance of being
the real task."
236
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,400
"Fastest wins.
237
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,080
"Your time started
when you opened your first task."
238
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,560
APPLAUSE
Lovely.
239
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,840
Well, this is one of those tasks
that we do from time to time
240
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,680
I think that is
a basic intelligence test.
241
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,360
Cos there are two ways
of approaching this.
242
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,960
It's to take a moment
243
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,560
and to work out if there's
a way of finding out what
244
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,560
the real task is before you, uh,
245
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,640
maniacally rip all of those tasks
off the washing line.
246
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,200
Shall we crack on?
Let's have a look. OK.
247
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,440
Sophie and Joanne are up first
to find the real task. Here we go.
248
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,320
Like there's no point in me
just pulling all these off,
249
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,360
sure there's not.
250
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,960
"Fin..." Oh.
"Find and complete the real task."
251
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,640
No. Find and complete the real task.
252
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,840
Oh, do you know what?
I'm going down here.
253
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,360
There has to be
a better way of doing this.
254
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,240
Aah!
255
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,920
Is that...am I missing something?
256
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,160
Clue, is there a clue?
I'm not seeing clues.
257
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,920
I'm gonna go in the middle.
258
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,480
What's S mean? Aah!
259
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:14,840
I know I'm missing something,
260
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,680
I'm missing a trick somewhere.
261
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,520
Right, uh, think, Sophie. Clue.
262
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,080
S-E-D.
263
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,360
Ah.
264
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,760
Will you hold them?
265
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,320
Oh, thank you. Nice to be involved.
266
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,720
Make yourself useful.
267
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,400
Is there nothing in the shed
for this?
268
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:33,920
Ah!
269
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,560
H.
270
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:41,880
This is the real task.
271
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,200
Just about looking, isn't it?
272
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,800
Yeah, peg all the tasks onto
the wa... Oh.
273
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,320
This is like some sort
of lesson, isn't it?
274
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,280
I-It's the moral is,
you know, don't rush in.
275
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,800
Be less reactive as a person
276
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,400
and you won't have to clean up
your own mess afterwards.
277
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,160
1%. I wanted to think
outside the box.
278
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,280
I feel like
I'm very much in the box.
279
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:07,880
Any more letters there?
280
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,000
It's not going well.
281
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,440
Shed! Fuck. Shit.
282
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:15,920
There you are.
283
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,440
I've stopped the clock!
284
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,880
Brilliant! Sophie, congratulations.
285
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,040
Thank you very much.
286
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,840
"Peg all the tasks to
the washing line!"
287
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,040
This is like Guantanamo Bay.
288
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,200
Oh, my God. Alex, are you gonna
help with me this now?
289
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,200
OK, so this is going in one pack.
290
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,240
What time are we at now?
291
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,880
Oh, you've had quite a while now.
292
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:44,560
Oh, my God.
293
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,000
Now. I've stopped the clock.
294
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,080
Oh!
295
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,800
APPLAUSE
296
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,160
What do you think, Joanne,
how do you feel watching back?
297
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:03,440
I was at the stage in the task
where I knew I was stupid
298
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,320
and missing something,
but I didn't know what it was.
299
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,000
Yeah. But then I did think
300
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,280
I was smart by pegging them all
back up in a lump
301
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,440
rather than individually.
302
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,480
And getting him to do it, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
303
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,200
Yeah, I had to help
because it had taken so long.
304
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,840
Sophie, not for the first time
you sounded like
305
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,680
an Alan Bennett monologue. Hmm.
306
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,000
"It's a lesson for life, this,
isn't it?"
307
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:27,520
Yeah, I think I've been baffled for
a lot. It's been horrific, actually.
308
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,320
You weren't that baffled
in this one, Sophie.
309
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:33,600
You stepped back and saw the
enormous arrow pointing at the shed.
310
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,880
Was the, were the tasks
in the shape of an arrow?
311
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,920
LAUGHTER
312
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,480
I didn't... I swear to God
I didn't see that.
313
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,560
I don't think you should be allowed
to run the world.
314
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,960
You spotted it after two minutes.
Did I?
315
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,520
You pinned them all back up
after three minutes 41,
316
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,720
you completed the task.
317
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:51,920
And what was Joanne's time?
318
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,640
20 minutes and 20 seconds.
LAUGHTER
319
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,880
Guess what? Yeah, sorry -
here are some adverts.
320
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,720
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
321
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
322
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:12,680
Hello! Welcome back to part two
of our final where there are
323
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,560
a lot of tasks hung up
on a washing line to dry.
324
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,200
That's right. These guys
had to find the real task
325
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,440
and then do that task.
326
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:20,720
OK, we've seen Sophie and Joanne
327
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:25,040
so it's only fair we now see
Steve, Nick and John.
328
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:31,040
Each task has a 1% chance,
but the H of chance is underlined.
329
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,800
Some of the letters
are underlined, Alex.
330
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,200
It spells out H-E-D-S.
What does that mean?
331
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,160
# A, B, C, D, E... #
332
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,480
Right. In case that's the thing.
333
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,720
Find and complete the re...
No, it's not that, is it?
334
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,480
Is that an arrow?
335
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:54,040
H-E-D-S.
336
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:55,080
Shed.
337
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,080
Fuck this, I'm going to the shed.
338
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,520
OK, hang on. An anagram of H...
339
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:09,720
Is that the only ones underlined?
H, E and D
340
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,360
and S...STED?
341
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,960
Is that an arrow, Alex?
342
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,600
It's arrow!
343
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,120
Shed...shed. Going to the shed.
344
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,840
"This is the real task - peg all
the tasks to the washing line."
345
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,480
OK.
346
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,960
Ha, ha! Ah, you suckers.
347
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,920
I didn't take any off, did I?
I took two off.
348
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,600
I've stopped the clock, John.
Have I finished?
349
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,320
I've stopped the clock.
350
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,560
There you go.
351
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,440
Is that good? Yeah.
352
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,640
APPLAUSE
353
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,400
Well, this has set the feminist
movement back by years, I would say.
354
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,520
LAUGHTER
355
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,960
They were quick, deadly. Yeah.
356
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,160
Observant, to the point,
they all had a catchphrase.
357
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,400
Steve, "Fuck this, I'm going to
the shed," for example.
358
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,760
John's - possibly my favourite,
"It's arrow!"
359
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,280
LAUGHTER
360
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,280
And, "Ah, you suckers."
361
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,360
I think out of the three
it's unsurprising
362
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,000
the slowest was Nick.
363
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,120
One minute 50 for you, Nick. OK.
364
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,600
The others? John, one minute 16.
Steve, 49.8 seconds.
365
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,000
APPLAUSE
366
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,960
All three were very pleased
with themselves.
367
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,280
Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't.
368
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,960
Oh. Sophie. Yeah?
369
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,520
You are safe. Great.
370
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,840
Oh, hello.
371
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,040
The rest of you, watch this.
372
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,920
Remember you did have to peg
ALL the tasks to the washing line.
373
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,840
AUDIENCE: Oh...
374
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:44,960
See you later. Do you want me to
pick that up?
375
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,000
Yes, please.
376
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,880
Thank you. OK.
377
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,280
Oh, lovely.
378
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,720
Goodbye, Nick. See you later.
379
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,480
Joanne and Nick, you did not
complete the task.
380
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,760
I don't think that's gonna make
a difference to my score,
381
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,080
to be honest. No.
Which means Nick and Joanne
382
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,920
both don't get any points.
Three points to Sophie,
383
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,160
four to John and five
to Steve Pemberton.
384
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,880
APPLAUSE
385
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:21,920
Scoreboards, please.
386
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,040
Yes, in the lead with nine
it's Steve Pemberton.
387
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,080
What's next for this big fancy final?
388
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,680
OK, well, this task is all
anyone ever wants, really -
389
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,520
a hug with an old friend.
390
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,720
You like these big
Lawrence Of Arabia
391
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,120
opening approach shots, don't you?
392
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,160
Yeah.
393
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,680
Bet the director's loving this.
394
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:58,280
I'm not in the right shoes
for this set-up, really.
395
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,080
Having a good day?
Yeah, it's really good
396
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,640
I was just riding a horse
bareback there.
397
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,960
It's not QWERTY,
it's not a keyboard layout.
398
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,120
And it's not in alphabetical order.
399
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,800
But there are also repeats of
some letters cos there's two G...
400
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,200
I should read the task.
401
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,160
"Hug your special friend."
402
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,200
Hmm.
403
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,520
"Hug your special friend."
404
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,920
Does that mean I have to give you
a hug? We are colleagues.
405
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,280
Oh, right, OK.
406
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,040
"Every time you touch a letter
you must turn it over
407
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,240
"and one minute will be added
to your time."
408
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,000
"Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."
409
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:34,080
It is on the vague side, Alex.
410
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,720
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
411
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,880
Special friend's
quite a creepy thing to say.
412
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,240
Oh, is it? Shall I stop doing that?
413
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,720
Yeah, there's been a few times during
this series where I've thought,
414
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,240
"I don't know, I think he's been
415
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,240
"spending a bit too much time
on his own."
416
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,640
Let's start! OK, now it's one for
417
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,960
the birdwatchers out there.
Hi, Dad. Hi, Mum.
418
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,960
Look, it's a pair of jays.
419
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,280
Joanne and John.
420
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,320
Well, I, I guess I'm gonna
start turning over letters.
421
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,440
Sure.
422
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,600
All right.
423
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,520
I'm gonna go J cos that's my, um...
424
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,120
Well, all right, that, OK.
425
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,840
Let's go Z.
426
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,120
Biscuit.
427
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,840
You hungry? No.
428
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,040
Really? Hug your spe...
Oh, do I have to spell out hug?
429
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,640
No, let's spell out your name.
Is it Alex?
430
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,160
That is my name. Ah!
431
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,480
What, what have you found?
432
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,520
Your name.
433
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:24,840
You think?
434
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,080
A string.
435
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,240
There's probably no strategy
to this.
436
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,480
I'd say it's just
a kind of like a free-for-all.
437
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:32,520
I get that vibe.
438
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,040
OK.
439
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,760
We've got a compass at least.
440
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,320
Oh, no.
441
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,000
Oh, no?
442
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,560
It's one of these.
443
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:49,160
So I've gotta follow this
in some direction from here,
444
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,840
I would say, so I reckon if I go in
a circle, at the end of this string
445
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,880
I'm gonna find a special friend.
446
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,280
Ow.
447
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,360
I'm in quite a lot of pain, Alex.
448
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,440
Would you like a biscuit?
449
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,920
Wouldn't mind some gloves,
450
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,760
or just at least an eye
on health and safety.
451
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,280
Hello, hello?
452
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,600
RINGING
453
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,600
RINGING
454
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,800
I think I've done the wrong thing.
LAUGHTER
455
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,920
RINGING
456
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:31,960
Aah!
457
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,000
RINGING CONTINUES
458
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,400
250 degrees west.
459
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,760
That's 250 degrees west?
BUZZ
460
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,160
Is it? Yeah. Unless your compass
is wrong.
461
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,440
Which way is north, John?
462
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,360
BUZZ
This compass is wrong.
463
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,360
Have you used a compass before? Yeah.
464
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,600
Ah, that's north.Yeah.
BELL DINGS
465
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,360
Oh, fuck.
466
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:59,360
A-ha-ha-ha!
RINGING
467
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,160
I've stopped the clock.
468
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,480
I remember him.
469
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,560
He's your special friend.
470
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,760
Oh, hello. I've done it, Alex!
471
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,000
I've stopped the clock, John.
AUDIENCE AWWS
472
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,640
That was incredibly frustrating.
473
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:13,680
Yeah.
474
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:14,720
Not bad.
475
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,640
Thanks, Joanne.
No worries, thank you.
476
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,960
APPLAUSE
477
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,360
Joanne. Hmm.
478
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,120
Have you ever seen
a walkie-talkie before?
479
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,240
Cos you looked at it
with such childlike wonderment.
480
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:29,920
Well, there's something
earlier in the series
481
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,320
that I thought was a walkie-talkie
482
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,120
but was a barbecue lighter.
A barbecue lighter.
483
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,840
LAUGHTER
484
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,360
I'm not in the Army, OK?
485
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,320
I, I should have told you. OK.
She's not in the Army.
486
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,200
Why didn't you tell me
she's not in the Army? I'm sorry.
487
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,280
John takes this very seriously,
this show.
488
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:48,200
He is a Taskmaster nerd
and I enjoyed seeing you get angry.
489
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,640
It was 38 degrees
when we filmed that.
490
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,160
And Alex kept asking me
if I wanted a biscuit
491
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,000
when I found biscuits
under the letters.
492
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,840
I couldn't believe
you didn't want a biscuit.
493
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,400
I didn't want a biscuit, Alex.
John's got no time for whimsy.
494
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,320
He wants to complete the task quickly
495
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,520
and get the delicious points.
That's...yes.
496
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,040
Who's next? Next up, all the way
from Fleetwood Mac,
497
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,600
it's "Steve'n Nick's" attempts.
Steve and Nick's.
498
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,280
Who's my special friend?
499
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,600
Is it one of the horses?
500
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,480
I don't know what you do
in your own time.
501
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,240
Right, well, I would love to
spell out the phrase
502
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,160
"hug your special friend",
but scanning the letters
503
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,760
I'm not seeing the letter Y.
504
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,320
Um, I'm gonna just start with an H.
505
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,200
Is this a timed thing?
506
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,520
Fastest wins. Fastest wins, OK.
507
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,040
And one minute per letter
turned over.
508
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:40,840
Huh? One minute is...
509
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,240
Per, per letter turned over.
Yes.
510
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,720
NICK GASPS
511
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,160
Chocolate biscuit.
512
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,000
So it's someone who likes
chocolate biscuits. OK.
513
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,440
Or is it for me, this chocolate
biscuit? It's for me? All right.
514
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,960
Oh. Hello?
515
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,880
Is that my special friend?
516
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,440
Fastest wins, Nick.
517
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,520
Yeah, I, I, I was aware of, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
518
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,160
Oh.
519
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,840
250 degrees west.
520
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,480
I'm guessing I'm gonna have to
eventually turn all of these over,
521
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:21,880
so why am I messing around?
522
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,600
Oh, some wool.
523
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,680
All right, what's the task again?
524
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,520
"Every time you touch a letter
you must turn it over
525
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,800
"and one minute will be added
to your time."
526
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,480
Yeah, you've spent 48 minutes so far.
527
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,880
Oh, and fastest wins.
528
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:38,320
Right.
529
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:45,000
Mannequin...mannequin.
The mannequin is my special friend.
530
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,320
Uh, so north is that way.
531
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:49,760
Yeah, if north's that way,
which way do you reckon west is?
532
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,240
This way.
BELL DINGS
533
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,280
That's west.
BUZZ
534
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,760
I don't wanna expend
unnecessary energy. Hmm.
535
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,840
LAUGHTER
536
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,000
Hello, over.
537
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,160
Maybe, is this a clue?
BELL DINGS
538
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,000
Is this an arrow, the mannequin,
that's pointing up this way?
539
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,320
Oh, there's something colourful.
Oh!
540
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,760
A-ha.
541
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,400
APPLAUSE
542
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,040
Oh, you look like one of my
characters from League of Gentlemen.
543
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,400
Oh, fucking hell!
544
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,960
SLOWED: Oh, fucking hell!
545
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,200
Oh, you're terrifying.
546
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,920
Well, that wasn't too bad.
547
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,400
No? Yeah, I think
I did middling on that.
548
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,120
Hmm. Well, you turned over
45 letters.
549
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,280
LAUGHTER
550
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,520
APPLAUSE
551
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,400
And see, this is the difference
between John and Nick,
552
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,400
is that when you see a whimsical
biscuit's been left under...
553
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,520
I eat it. You think,
"I'm prioritising this biscuit."
554
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,240
I think it was the biscuit that made
me forget that you weren't meant
555
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,680
to turn over many letters,
cos as soon as I had that biscuit
556
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,800
I just started turning over
as many as I could find.
557
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,400
Yeah, the other difference is that
558
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,040
Nick obviously did very badly.
559
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,160
Very pleased with himself.
LAUGHTER
560
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,880
"I think that went quite well."
561
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,720
Steve, how do you feel?
562
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,400
Uh, annoyed I didn't eat
the biscuit.
563
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,520
Um, I was looking forward to finding
564
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,760
a lovely word thing
in the labyrinth of words.
565
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,480
Totally forgot the fact
that each one was a minute.
566
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,760
Yeah, and then the greeting was,
567
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,600
I mean, borderline orgasmic.
568
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,160
Had you forgotten there was someone
inside your mannequin?
569
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,440
I'd totally forgotten, cos it was
weeks and weeks earlier.
570
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,480
So I screamed, didn't I?
571
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,120
It was hilarious. Yeah.
572
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,880
Good. Now I'm not one
to make, uh, judgements
573
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,400
and I'm always fast
to apologise when I do.
574
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,160
But I predict Sophie's gonna be shit
at this.
575
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:43,000
OK. Time for another ad break.
See you in a bit.
576
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
577
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,800
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
578
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,360
Hello!
579
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,840
You join us for the third quarter
of our final
580
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,320
and the completion of a task all
about tracking down old friends.
581
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,560
Yes, old friends that they made
for themselves -
582
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,440
quite sad, really.
They've all managed to find
583
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:10,200
and hug them so far, but there is
still one person left to go.
584
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,960
WILLan Sophie be reunited
with her old friend?
585
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,760
Let's find out right now.
586
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:16,960
Right, OK.
587
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:21,120
"Every time you touch a letter
you must turn it over.
588
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,160
"And one minute will be added
to your time."
589
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,920
But I don't want to touch
a letter, then.
590
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,520
"Fastest wins."
591
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,520
Is it a tree-hugging exercise?
592
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,760
Is it that sort of thing?
593
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,160
The problem is you've got crew
hiding in bushes, haven't you?
594
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,400
It's quite daunting.
595
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,400
Hello?
596
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,000
Hello?
597
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,720
Hello-oh?
598
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,880
I might aim for that tree
over there.
599
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,040
Yeah, OK. Do...and I don't wanna
faff about with these, do I?
600
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:50,080
No.
601
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:52,040
Hello? Who's there?
602
00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:55,640
SHE GASPS
603
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:56,680
Oh, see...
604
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,960
Oh, I thought it was gonna be
an old school friend or something.
605
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,560
It's your old friend Wolfie.
Wolfie!
606
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,600
I've stopped the clock.
607
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:04,640
Is that it?
608
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,760
APPLAUSE
609
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,320
I formally apologise.
610
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:12,640
Thank you.
611
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,480
Incredible, I mean, 100% accidental?
612
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,000
Well, I thought you would have
613
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,160
a friend of mine from Manchester
hid in a bush that's...
614
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,000
You thought that several times.
I thought Amy again.
615
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,400
Yeah...yeah. Yeah.
616
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,520
No, this show isn't about
reuniting people with... Yeah.
617
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,000
LAUGHTER
..long-lost friends.
618
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,320
She has kept saying will her friend
jump out of something.
619
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:32,680
Where's Amy? Always Amy. Yeah.
620
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,280
I don't know why, I just thought
Amy'd be someone you'd approach.
621
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,720
Have you not seen Amy for a while?
622
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,000
I've not. Or this show ever?
LAUGHTER
623
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,680
She managed to find it
in four minutes 44 seconds.
624
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,800
CROWD OOHS
625
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,000
No punishment, no extra minutes.
Want to hear the points?
626
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,600
Yeah. Well, Sophie found it quickest
in four minutes 44.
627
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,000
Ooh, five sweet points.
628
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,320
Exactly, yeah.
629
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:57,520
Er, Joanne, 11 minutes 20
with your punishments.
630
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,280
Four sweet points.
Four sweet points.
631
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,360
John, you turned over ten
which means you had a total of
632
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:02,800
21 minutes 20.
633
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,440
Oh, the three sweet points.
634
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:10,080
Yeah, and then the guys
who turned over 45 cards.
635
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,720
Steve, your total time
was 52 minutes 37.
636
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:15,520
Nick, 56 minutes 25.
637
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,120
Two points to Steve, one point to
Nick Mohammed. There it is.
638
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
639
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,480
Wow, this is my worst round yet.
640
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:24,680
Good. OK, what's next?
641
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,240
Well, the bad news is
it's the final task.
642
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,560
Aww. But the good news is,
643
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,920
Greg, you've just become
a TV commissioner, at last.
644
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,280
Hello, Sophie. Hello.
645
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,320
Hello, Nick, hello, Steve.
Hello. Oh, hello.
646
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,720
I keep forgetting that you're here.
647
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,640
Pardon? Sorry, nothing.
LAUGHTER
648
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,280
OK, good luck.
649
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:59,440
"Present the best new short-form
shiny floor American game show."
650
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,080
"Alex will be the contestant.
651
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:04,000
"One of you must be his rival
and somebody must win."
652
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:07,320
"The game show Greg most wants
to see commissioned wins.
653
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:11,080
"Also there is a bonus point
for best new game-show catchphrase."
654
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:14,320
"You have a maximum of 30 minutes.
Your time starts now."
655
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,080
You, what about if
you had to go through
656
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,240
the stool of your
opposite contestant
657
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,840
and guess what they had
for dinner last night.
658
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,040
OK.
659
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,120
Can you play the keyboard?
No, but I can do...
660
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,200
SHE PLAYS A FEW NOTES
661
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,640
LAUGHTER
I imagine Greg would
662
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,880
want to see something
quite violent.
663
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:35,960
Yeah.
664
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,400
So our opening thing is, it goes...
665
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:41,640
SHE VOCALISES
666
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,800
Oh, no. Oh, no.
667
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,840
SHE VOCALISES
668
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,320
What about if it's, uh... Shorter.
669
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:53,360
LAUGHTER
670
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,840
You-you've not really run
with my stool idea.
671
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,840
No, I still...I haven't
even written it down.
672
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,600
Guess the age to win the wage,
take to the stage.
673
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,000
Oh, yes!
674
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:05,800
# Guess the age
Take to the stage #
675
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,920
Oh, I love it! Oh, that's great.
676
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,040
Feel the...
677
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,200
..w...rage the...
678
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:14,440
..m...uh, lage, mage, cage.
Of the wage.
679
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,360
Fage, beige.
680
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,680
Right, what about something like,
uh,
681
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,000
ESP or something like,
it's just people who like,
682
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,480
you know, might sit in front of
683
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,840
one of those things that just drop
lots of ping-pong balls
684
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,400
and they have to try and get it into
a certain shape using their mind.
685
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,400
Right. It's either that or
coming on with your stool.
686
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,960
I know I keep coming back to this,
but I think Greg would love that.
687
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,880
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
688
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,320
I just want to make sure
I've 100% heard correctly.
689
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:42,720
Steve's suggestion, uh,
690
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:46,640
is of a game show where contestants
root through each other's shit?
691
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,440
Nick didn't wanna do it.
I mean, he... No, no way.
692
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:51,960
Did he not?
693
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,800
He kept pushing for it.
694
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:56,880
So I'm presuming he won.
I don't know.
695
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,520
Oh, yeah, we did it, yeah, yeah.
696
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,640
Um, this team seemed
a bit more democratic.
697
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,960
I think I got a bit hung up on
the theme tune, didn't I?
698
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,480
I hope you've included some
of those great rhymes like
699
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,840
lage, mage and fage.
LAUGHTER
700
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:15,440
Right, shall we do it? Let's do it.
701
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,560
It's the game show you most
want to commission.
702
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,920
First up, we know there'll be
a keyboard involved.
703
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,000
It's the team of three.
704
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:27,000
# Take to the stage to guess the age
to win the wage! #
705
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,720
Hey, everyone I'm Chad Whopper
706
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,640
and tonight we're asking
the question,
707
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,360
how close to death...are you?
708
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,840
Contestant number one,
what's your name?
709
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,520
My name is Lucia D'Lacey
710
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,240
and I'm 25, all the way from
bubblin' Dublin.
711
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,920
Bubblin' Dublin.
712
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,920
A round of applause.
APPLAUSE
713
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,440
Contestant number two,
what's your name?
714
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:56,160
My name's Alex Horne, I'm 25 as
well. And I'm also from Dublin.
715
00:31:56,200 --> 00:32:00,200
Our guest this evening is sitting
right here. What's your name, madam?
716
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,920
My name is Champagne Bonanza.
717
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,800
Champagne Bonanza!
718
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,600
Each of our contestants
has two questions.
719
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,480
Champagne can only provide
yes or no answers.
720
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,520
You may not ask Champagne her age
721
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,840
if you want to win her wage.
722
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,840
# Take to the stage to guess the age
to win the wage. #
723
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,360
But as always, our contestants
724
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,240
must lower the goggles
725
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,600
as the mind boggles. Boggles.
726
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,760
Very good. Lucia, what's your first
question to Champagne?
727
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,960
Champagne, would you remove
your teeth for me, please?
728
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,200
No. No.
729
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:41,400
Alex.
730
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:45,560
Do you enjoy the music of Lil Wayne
or Lil Nas or that sort of thing?
731
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,040
Oh, yeah. That's a yeah.
732
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,280
It's time for the final question.
733
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,040
Cosmic Rhythm, could we have
some tense music?
734
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,840
PRESET TUNE PLAYS
735
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:57,640
Champagne, hello again.
736
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,040
Would you describe yourself as Gen...
737
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:01,360
..F?
738
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,280
No. No.
739
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,600
Champagne,
740
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:08,000
would you still be in the market
for a tampon?
741
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,040
Yes.
742
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:15,280
OK, folks, you've guessed how old.
743
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,520
Are you hot or cold?
744
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,040
# Guessed how old
745
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,200
# Are you hot or cold?
746
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,240
# Ah! #
747
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,080
Lucia, what's your age?
748
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,320
My guess is that Champagne is
a fizzy 29.
749
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,480
A fizzy 29.
750
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,320
Alex Horne.
751
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,920
I think Champagne is a sparkly 25.
752
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,200
A sparkly 25.
753
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,600
Drum roll, please.
754
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:44,840
Champagne Bonanza, can you please
reveal your age?
755
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,000
I'm 39. 39!
756
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:49,760
We have a winner.
757
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,440
Lucia D'Lacey, you walk away
with Champagne's wage.
758
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:56,520
Thank you.
759
00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,720
# Guess the age to win the wage
Take to the stage
760
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:04,600
# Guess the age to win the wage
Take to the stage. #
761
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
762
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:10,040
How long did they have
to do that, half an hour? Yes.
763
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,680
I mean, bloody hell, it's good.
Isn't it?
764
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:14,160
It's like, it's like an actual show.
765
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,640
Yeah. It, it was very shiny floor,
but I actually think
766
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,520
it would be quite a good game show,
guessing people's age.
767
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,200
Yeah, well, well, I mean,
the suggestion of the game show
768
00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:24,720
is you're guessing how long
they've got left to live.
769
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,560
Like it was all quite light
until you went hard in on,
770
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,040
"Are you still having periods?"
771
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,880
Yeah. Very,
it's a very telling answer.
772
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,080
It is. What's going on here?
773
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,000
Ambience. You t...
And, and information.
774
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,720
It's just, I sensed
it's an American game show,
775
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,400
it's very shiny floor. Hmm.
776
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,360
And then there's some
northern version of
777
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,200
the Pet Shop Boys in the corner.
778
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,160
Right, time for our last
ad break of the series.
779
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,200
Soon someone will go home
with absolutely nothing,
780
00:34:55,240 --> 00:34:57,120
courtesy of Steve Pemberton.
781
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,320
We'll find out if Nick's
prediction was correct
782
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,280
and of course we will crown
our new series champion.
783
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:03,320
We'll see you soon.
784
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,200
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
785
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
786
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,960
Hello. Here we are, then.
It's the final part of our final.
787
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,240
Ooh, finally.
788
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,080
And the final task sees
head of light entertainment
789
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,560
Greg Davies trying to pick between
two short-form
790
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:28,680
American game-show pitches.
791
00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:31,400
Hey, guys, remember when Steve
kept pushing for the stool idea
792
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,040
over and over
and over and over again
793
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,200
and Nick was having none of it?
Well, here we go.
794
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,320
Welcome back to
Poo Do You Think You Are.
795
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,440
I'm joined here with Steve and Alex.
796
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,440
It is time, guys, to trade turds.
797
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,360
Well, I've done a big shit in a box.
798
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,080
LAUGHTER
799
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:59,280
And you have 30 seconds
to go through your poos,
800
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,840
before we get the scoop on the poop.
801
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,160
Now. 30 seconds.
802
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:13,880
Got chopsticks there.
Don't have to eat it.
803
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,520
Don't have to? You don't have to.
804
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,080
Hey, this guy's got
an unfair advantage,
805
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:21,600
being that he's a chef and all.
806
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:24,120
Well, I don't make the rules,
I'm just the host,
807
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,360
and that is time up, Alex. Poo down.
808
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,200
Steve, poo down.
OK, so we're gonna go Alex first.
809
00:36:29,240 --> 00:36:31,480
You gotta guess
an ingredient starting now.
810
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,280
Grape.
811
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:35,360
Correct.
812
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:36,560
Coffee.
813
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,720
Correct.
814
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,080
Maltesers.
815
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:41,480
Correct.
816
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,680
Lychee fruits.
817
00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:44,160
HORN SQUEAKS
818
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:46,960
Banana.
819
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,920
Correct.
820
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:50,240
Caramel ice cream.
821
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,920
HORN SQUEAKS
Dang it.
822
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,200
I'll give you honey.
823
00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:56,840
Chocolate sauce.
824
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,800
No.
825
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,840
Will you give me honey?
I'll give you honey.
826
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,400
OK. I think that is your time up
on that. Hmm.
827
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:05,720
We have a winner,
828
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,240
and his name is Alex!
CHEERING
829
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:09,520
So, Alex, before you get
too excited...
830
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,000
BELL RINGS
..we're gonna get Gabby over here,
831
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,040
who is gonna present
the celebrity poop.
832
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,840
Gabby, do you wanna come on
and bring the celebrity poop?
833
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:19,880
Thank you very much Gabby,
just pop that down there.
834
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:21,120
LAUGHTER
835
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,080
OK, so Alex.
Mm-hm. Your chance to win...
836
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,920
Ooh. This delicious celebrity poop.
OK.
837
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:28,880
Three guesses to guess whose poop
this is.
838
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,280
My first guess is Gwen Stefani.
No. No?
839
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:35,160
No. I get it,
I get the reference, I love it.
840
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,400
Hints of many, many children.
A ghostly presence?
841
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,000
Exactly. Half... Half a... Yeah.
842
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:41,840
...half a, not a full Moore,
a Demi Moore.
843
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,320
Demi Moore is the correct answer,
thank you so much.
844
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:45,360
I can't believe you got it.
845
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,120
Congratulations, you get
to take that home.
846
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,320
You've gotta have...you get to
keep this.
847
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,880
You get to keep everything,
848
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,000
everything that was
involved in this show,
849
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,640
you've gotta take home with you.
850
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,960
Thank you so much, Alex.
And now... Thank you.
851
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,960
Gabby you wanna see him,
see him off, or...?
852
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,720
Thanks man.
And thank you so much, great stuff.
853
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,880
Congratulations to Alex,
thank you so much, Alex,
854
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:06,960
been a great contestant.
855
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,640
Commiserations to Steve,
don't know why he's still here.
856
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:11,800
I'll see you next week on
Poo Do You Think You Are.
857
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:18,280
Why are you nodding at me like that?
858
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,120
Steve's going, "See?"
859
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,840
You're gonna eat your words.
LAUGHING: I'm not.
860
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:28,560
It's actually a lot better
than I remember, to be fair.
861
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,600
The most shocking thing for me about
Poo Do You Think You Are,
862
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,880
is that the host clearly does not
want to be part of it.
863
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,160
LAUGHTER
864
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:38,960
Can you tell that?
865
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:40,800
Oh, and side note,
he's dressed as Dracula.
866
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,880
LAUGHTER
867
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,320
There were some good catchphrases,
"It's time to trade turds",
868
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,720
"Get the scoop on the poop",
"I'll give you honey",
869
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,600
"Poo down", and at one point I said
"I've done a big shit in a box",
870
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,160
so there's a few options.
871
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,040
LAUGHTER
872
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,520
Which show would you most like
to commission?
873
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:03,000
I mean who thought this would be
the end of the grand final?
874
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:05,960
LAUGHTER
875
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,840
Who thought this is where
we'd arrive?
876
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,680
After all of the trials and
tribulations we've been through,
877
00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,760
the bonding, the journey,
878
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:16,920
here we are with two
Tupperware boxes of shit.
879
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:19,280
It's an original idea.
880
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,400
There's not enough original thinkers
out there,
881
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,880
but I do think you were probably
pipped to the post
882
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:28,400
by the other team who didn't do
something absolutely disgusting.
883
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:31,520
I think because of the originality
884
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,880
and the heavy pain,
I will give them three,
885
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,040
but I will give Lower The Goggles
As The Mind Boggles...
886
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,280
That's your favourite catchphrase?
..as my favourite catchphrase.
887
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,080
So it's six points
to the team of three,
888
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:42,280
and three points to the team of two.
889
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:43,920
There we go, well done, everyone.
890
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,520
APPLAUSE
891
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,400
OK everyone, please make your way
to the stage
892
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,520
for the final task of the series.
893
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
894
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,640
Greetings.
895
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:01,640
ALEX: Look at Nick.
LAUGHTER
896
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,440
I mean that is a bit... Yeah.
897
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,840
APPLAUSE
898
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:07,800
It got a round of applause.
899
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,680
Who's reading the final task
of the series out?
900
00:40:10,720 --> 00:40:12,960
The smart Steve Pemberton.
901
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,800
Guess the five ingredients of
the stool of your neighbour.
902
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,240
LAUGHTER
903
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,560
APPLAUSE
904
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,120
Crawl around behind the wall
for 20 seconds.
905
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:31,000
On Greg's command, you must then
pop up from behind the wall.
906
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:35,600
If Greg correctly predicts where you
will pop up, you will be eliminated.
907
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:39,600
Last player correctly
predicted wins.
908
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:44,840
If there is a tie in the final
the round is replayed.
909
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,280
Dignity.
910
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,880
OK here we go. First scuttle.
WHISTLE BLOWS
911
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,040
And they're off.
912
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:55,920
LAUGHTER
913
00:40:57,240 --> 00:40:58,520
Five seconds left.
914
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:03,320
WHISTLE BLOWS
Stop scuttling.
915
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:07,280
OK, so, Greg, where do you think
Joanne McNally is?
916
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:12,160
Joanne McNally has tried to deceive
me by remaining in lane one.
917
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,400
OK where do you think
John Robins has gone?
918
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,840
John Robins is in lane three.
919
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,240
Nick Mohammed?
920
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,600
He dived toward two...
921
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:26,280
..so he's in four.
922
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:27,320
ALEX GASPS
923
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,720
LAUGHTER
924
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,200
Sophie Willan?
925
00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:33,360
Willan's gone right over to two.
926
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:36,280
And Steve Pemberton?
927
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,680
Steve Pemberton is my age...
928
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,880
..and will not have been bothered
929
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:46,240
to go more than two squares,
930
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,560
so he's stayed in three.
931
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,080
Three in there with John Robins,
you're saying.
932
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:54,840
OK. Right, then,
let's go down the line.
933
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,520
Please pop up, Joanne McNally.
934
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,040
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
How'd you do that?!
935
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,360
I knew it!
936
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,960
OK. Please pop up, Sophie Willan.
937
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,120
She survives.
938
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,920
She's had a lovely time down there.
939
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,080
OK, please pop up, John Robins.
940
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,240
GREG: Ah. Oh, he's also survived.
941
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:17,560
He lives.
942
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,760
And Steve Pemberton, pop up.
943
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,320
GREG: Yes.
LAUGHTER
944
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:28,480
I went all the way over there,
and came back again.
945
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,280
Sure you did.
946
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:34,080
And finally, Nick Mohammed.
947
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,200
Oh.
948
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,160
And my instinct was right, though.
949
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,560
Only three left.
Greg, I'm gonna stay in five.
950
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,640
OK, mate.
951
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,800
Round two.
WHISTLE BLOWS
952
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:50,600
Graceful.
953
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:54,960
Quiet as mice.
954
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,760
WHISTLE BLOWS
Where do you think John Robins is?
955
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:02,040
I don't think he's gone far.
956
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,880
No, well, he can't have, because
it's a couple of metres, isn't it?
957
00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:09,800
OK. John's in three.
Sophie's in one.
958
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,720
Nick Mohammed? Oh, Nick's trying
to Derren Brown me,
959
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,240
and he's wanting me to say five,
960
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,080
but I think he's capable of
a double bluff as well.
961
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,560
But he's also capable
of being smug enough
962
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:26,000
to go all the way over to one,
so I'm gonna say that.
963
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,040
With Sophie.
964
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:28,600
If he comes up in five
965
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,120
I'm gonna windmill into
the audience with rage.
966
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:32,640
LAUGHTER
967
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,040
First up, Sophie Willan,
please pop up.
968
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,880
And let's see where John Robins is.
969
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:48,280
Yes...Yes.
APPLAUSE
970
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,920
Let's see, has Nick played you?
Nick Mohammed.
971
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,400
We have a winner, Mr Nick Mohammed!
972
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,800
APPLAUSE
973
00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,160
Please come and join me.
974
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,040
We'll add that to your final scores.
975
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:02,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
976
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:09,640
You were good at that.
977
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,040
Well, thank you.
978
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,520
Well, obviously you guessed Joanne
and Steve immediately,
979
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,240
so they come joint fourth.
980
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:17,800
I think they're lucky to get two
points each.
981
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:21,320
Sophie and John joint second,
four points each. Lovely.
982
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,840
Nick Mohammed. The full five points.
NICK: Yes!
983
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,040
APPLAUSE
984
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:28,880
Still rock bottom... Oh, yeah.
985
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,280
..of the episode,
with a meagre 11 points.
986
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:36,640
Sophie's never won an episode.
She's on 21, she's won the episode!
987
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:40,720
CHEERS
Sophie Willan wins the episode!
988
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:45,320
Please go up and hold up your hope
for humanity.
989
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:49,720
Final slut drop.
990
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:51,600
Ooh! Sorry.
991
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,960
Sorry! Didn't mean to do that.
992
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,120
APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
993
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:08,360
Welcome, welcome to the series
champion awards ceremony.
994
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:11,240
What an achievement it will be
for one of them -
995
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:15,000
and what a total waste
of time it was for the others.
996
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:19,280
Alex Horne, please reveal those
final scores.
997
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:23,360
In last place, and he's been there
for a while now,
998
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:27,320
it's a man who's written something
in an envelope.
999
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:28,680
It's you, Nick. OK.
1000
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:29,920
But you might win 300 quid.
1001
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,680
Thank you - yeah, I mean,
that's why I'm here.
1002
00:45:31,720 --> 00:45:34,480
Can you show them the seal?
1003
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,080
Behold the seal.
1004
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:40,240
In last place, it's Nick Mohammed
with 131 points.
1005
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:43,880
Is it indeed?
1006
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:45,680
There's another envelope within. Ah.
1007
00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:46,960
LAUGHTER
1008
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:50,440
SUSPENSEFUL: Oooh...
1009
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:53,960
GREG GRIMACES
1010
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,160
APPLAUSE
1011
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:03,360
Well done, Nick.
1012
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,480
300 big ones coming your way
in instalments.
1013
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,200
LAUGHTER
1014
00:46:07,240 --> 00:46:11,200
And so we move up
the table by 13 points,
1015
00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:16,200
with 144, she won today's episode
it's Sophie Willan.
1016
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:18,160
APPLAUSE
1017
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:21,240
We leap up again in third place
with 153 points,
1018
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,200
he brought in nothing,
but he's gone away
1019
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:26,080
with an enormous amount
of respect it's Mr Steve Pemberton.
1020
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,240
APPLAUSE
1021
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:32,160
With 171 points, in second place,
it's Joanne McNally.
1022
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,760
APPLAUSE
1023
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:35,920
Over to you.
1024
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,360
Our new Taskmaster champion,
ladies and gentlemen,
1025
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:43,200
and the owner of this
beautiful gilded trophy,
1026
00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:45,080
is John Robins!
1027
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:47,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1028
00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:51,160
Congratulations, John.
1029
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,840
Thank you very much, Greg.
1030
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,360
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