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1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,790
La Fabrique
www.sous-titres.eu
2
00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:38,320
Erectile dysfunction
is a fact of life.
3
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:41,620
You want to show her you love her,
but you’re old, and so is she.
4
00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:45,120
The next time that moment comes,
don’t let your sex drive fail you
5
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:47,540
because your wife
looks like a shriveled prune.
6
00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:49,380
Fake it with Cialis.
7
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,510
It won’t make her any hotter,
but you won’t care for three hours.
8
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,300
And you can still have
your own separated bathtub later on.
9
00:00:58,470 --> 00:01:00,140
You feel like having some fun?
10
00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:03,810
Did the Cialis commercial
turn you on again?
11
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,270
How about I put on the uniform?
12
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,610
What do you think?
You know you like it.
13
00:01:17,490 --> 00:01:18,660
UPS, ma’am.
14
00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:22,160
I have a package from Amazon for you.
15
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,330
I’m barely dressed.
16
00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:29,580
If you’ll just sign right here.
17
00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:37,010
You’re so rough with me, Mr. UPS man.
18
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:39,800
You like your package, ma’am?
19
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,390
Do it harder, UPS man!
20
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,310
What’s the matter?
21
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:54,230
You’ve been crying all morning.
What’s going on?
22
00:02:02,830 --> 00:02:04,740
Oh, my God.
23
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,830
Are you sure about this?
24
00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:12,040
This is a big deal.
You have to be absolutely 100%.
25
00:02:12,170 --> 00:02:14,670
I saw them, Kyle!
26
00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:23,640
You guys can’t tell anybody,
not until I figure out what to do.
27
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,560
– What happened?
– Take a look.
28
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,810
– What’s this?
– Ike found out last night.
29
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,020
My mom’s having sex
with the UPS man.
30
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:33,230
– Dude, no way.
– Yeah, dude.
31
00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:36,780
Are you sure they had sex,
like sex sex,
32
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,490
like they actually had sex?
33
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,200
Yeah, dude, full on.
Ike saw everything.
34
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:45,950
It totally makes sense now.
She’s been ordering from Amazon.
35
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,370
Sometimes, she doesn’t remember
what she’s ordered.
36
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,420
She’s probably been having sex
with the UPS man for a long time.
37
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,960
– Are you gonna tell your dad?
– I don’t know.
38
00:02:57,090 --> 00:03:00,760
I should confront my mom first,
but it’s so embarrassing.
39
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,850
Have you stopped to think
that maybe the sex wasn’t consensual?
40
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,930
Isn’t it possible
you mom was raped by the UPS man?
41
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:09,480
We don’t know this guy,
and he shows up to all our houses.
42
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,980
What kind of sane, normal person
would want sex with Kyle’s mom?
43
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:15,610
– Not now.
– Hear me out!
44
00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:17,650
Haven’t you seen
those ATT commercials?
45
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:21,820
Women these days get raped by normal
white guys in broad daylight.
46
00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:25,280
It may be too late for Kyle’s mom,
but I’m getting some goddamn security.
47
00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:31,250
The thing is do we tell Gerald,
or do we stay out of it?
48
00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:32,580
How do we tell him?
49
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,840
“Sorry, but the UPS man
is banging your wife.”
50
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,300
It’s none of my business.
51
00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:41,420
If my wife was having sex
with the UPS man, I’d want to know.
52
00:03:41,550 --> 00:03:44,090
How do you know she’s not?
Think about it.
53
00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:47,260
This is a guy who visits
all our houses during the day,
54
00:03:47,390 --> 00:03:50,520
who clearly
has a kind of insatiable lust…
55
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:54,520
Someone who’d have sex with Kyle’s mom
would have sex with anything.
56
00:03:55,730 --> 00:03:58,070
He can’t be trying that
with all of our wives.
57
00:03:58,190 --> 00:03:59,860
Wouldn’t be the first time.
58
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,990
There’s to be price to be paid
of having things convenient.
59
00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:06,200
Used to be…
60
00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:09,950
a man had to go to the store
to buy himself a pitcher of milk.
61
00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:12,500
But men got lazy.
62
00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:15,380
They wanted that milk
delivered right to the door.
63
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,920
Only problem was the guy delivering
that milk ended up fucking your wife.
64
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:24,380
Sure, you had your nice, cold milk
delivered right to your doorstep,
65
00:04:24,510 --> 00:04:27,390
but your wife was getting pounded out
like a mallard duck.
66
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,480
And now, you got your Amazon,
67
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,440
and the milkman’s come back.
68
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,900
And none you are safe.
69
00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:47,240
So you need the motion detectors
in the living room and the kitchen,
70
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,950
the touch pads
at the front and rear doors,
71
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,080
and break-in monitors on all windows.
72
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,000
Those are not secured at all.
73
00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:55,420
Really?
74
00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:58,630
I’m sorry,
I don’t think I can afford this.
75
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:01,500
Do you want to get raped?
Haven’t you seen the commercial?
76
00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:03,970
You can get raped
by a white guy these days!
77
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:08,510
Unfortunately, it’s not enough
to be fearful of strangers these days.
78
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,470
What?
79
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,020
Many times, houses are burglarized
by someone the victim knows.
80
00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:16,600
I knew it.
Kyle is always taking my stuff!
81
00:05:16,730 --> 00:05:18,810
Yesterday,
I couldn’t find my iPod headphones.
82
00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:20,360
That sneaky little Jew.
83
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,070
We realize it’s a lot of money,
but really,
84
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,070
how much is feeling secure
in your own home worth?
85
00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:29,240
There’s dangerous people out there
trying to screw us both!
86
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,160
Don’t you need to go to work?
87
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,710
No, I think…
88
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,210
I’ll just hang out a little longer.
89
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:41,590
I’ll get it.
90
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,380
I’ve got a couple of packages
from Amazon for you.
91
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,220
Yeah?
92
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,600
If I can get your signature
right there.
93
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:53,350
Sure…
94
00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:55,600
– Chad, is it?
– Thad.
95
00:05:58,310 --> 00:05:59,310
Nice.
96
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:01,940
You having a busy day?
97
00:06:02,230 --> 00:06:03,900
Just trying to get to everyone.
98
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,360
I’ll bet.
99
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:08,360
– Have a good one.
– Yeah, you too, Thad.
100
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,870
Sharon, these came for you.
101
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,740
– Stuff from Amazon?
– What are they?
102
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:16,830
To be honest, I can’t remember.
103
00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:20,420
You just ordered stuff from Amazon,
and you can’t remember what?
104
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:22,840
The paring knives I ordered.
105
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,500
Sorry, I was a little tipsy.
106
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,590
This is the book Stan’s been wanting.
Can you take it up to him?
107
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,010
Yeah, sure.
108
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:32,850
People order things from Amazon
and forget what they got.
109
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,560
Stan, you’ve got stuff from Amazon.
110
00:06:46,070 --> 00:06:47,150
Shit!
111
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,790
This is Jeff with Wolf Home Security.
Is everything all right?
112
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,670
Sorry, I live here.
113
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,540
I can’t remember the alarm code.
114
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,800
Do you have your security pass phrase
you can tell me?
115
00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:11,880
My pass phrase is:
“Kyle is a dirty no good Jew”.
116
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,050
Wait, “Kyle is no good lying Jew”.
117
00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:17,220
I’ve got something different.
118
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,640
Is it: “My friend Kyle
is a no good dirty…”
119
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,480
Hang on, I wrote it down.
120
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,310
– No problem.
– Sorry about this.
121
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,020
It happens all the time.
122
00:07:26,270 --> 00:07:27,570
OK, thanks.
Wait…
123
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:29,780
What do you mean, “that’s all right”?
124
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:31,780
What if I was somebody
trying to rape my mom?
125
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:33,450
Do you want to?
126
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:36,830
You’re so cool about the alarm
and me not knowing the password.
127
00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:40,000
How do you know I’m not making it up?
I could have raped her twice by now.
128
00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:42,120
You said you lived there.
129
00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:43,920
I do, but you don’t know that.
130
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,420
I could be Kyle
trying to take more of my shit!
131
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:51,550
How did you get rid of him?
132
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,300
How did you get rid of the milkman?
133
00:07:57,350 --> 00:07:59,140
There’s no getting rid of him.
134
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,850
Not in any way
you folks will be prepared for.
135
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,400
No, best to let him go on
fucking your wives.
136
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:07,900
Maybe he’ll get tired of it.
137
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,740
It’s not just our wives anymore.
138
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:13,650
This morning, he came for me.
139
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:16,490
I opened the door.
It was the UPS man.
140
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,410
He had a box from Amazon.
141
00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:21,000
I looked inside and found
an adapter for an iPhone,
142
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,710
and then I remembered
I had ordered it.
143
00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:27,750
I ordered it the day before,
and I barely had any recollection.
144
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:32,050
The UPS man is using his powers
to try to have sex with me now.
145
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,050
You said we wouldn’t be prepared
to get rid of him.
146
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:36,180
How did you?
147
00:08:37,180 --> 00:08:39,640
We used a pretty blonde
to lure him in.
148
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:44,270
When she answered the door, she told him
to follow her to the bathtub.
149
00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:46,440
She took off her clothes,
150
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:49,770
and asked the milkman
to fill the tub with milk.
151
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,780
The milkman said,
152
00:08:52,190 --> 00:08:54,490
“Do you want that milk pasteurized?”
153
00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:56,530
The blonde replied,
154
00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:59,280
“No, just up to my boobs.
155
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,660
“I can splash it in my eyes.”
156
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,460
That’s when we jumped him.
157
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,750
It was over in minutes.
158
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,290
Then we burned his body.
159
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,590
You want to get rid of the milkman,
160
00:09:13,090 --> 00:09:14,970
You’ve got to kill him good,
161
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,840
then you’ve got to go to the store
for your stuff from then on.
162
00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:25,600
You want me to do this,
you’ve got to pay up front.
163
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:27,980
You’ll get your money
when you’ve done what I asked.
164
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,310
When I lock the door,
165
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,150
give me a few seconds
to arm the system,
166
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:33,940
then you break in
and try to rape my mom, got it?
167
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,880
This is Michael, Wolf Home Security.
Is everything all right?
168
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:00,260
A man just broke into our house,
and he’s about to rape my mom.
169
00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:02,390
Go, she’s upstairs.
170
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,020
Did you hear me?
A rapist is here. He’s white.
171
00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:08,350
Should we contact the police?
172
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:12,150
Yes, you fucking should contact them.
My mom is about to get raped!
173
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,820
We’re contacting them now.
174
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,690
He’s going up, you better hurry.
175
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,780
Stay calm,
the police is on their way.
176
00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:21,910
Maybe they can bring some cigarettes,
’cause the guy will be pretty wiped out.
177
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,330
The fuck!
178
00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:32,630
Hey there, Mr. Stotch.
Looks like another Amazon package.
179
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,550
What I feel for you
is just some kind of spell.
180
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:39,050
Sorry?
181
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:41,300
Just let me sign.
182
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,430
He’s coming to you.
183
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,150
Hello there, Mr. UPS man.
184
00:10:56,610 --> 00:10:59,070
You should have left our wives alone.
185
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,320
Now, let’s go for a drive.
186
00:11:05,660 --> 00:11:09,000
You can have whatever’s in the back.
It’s all stuff from Amazon.
187
00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:10,960
Pull in here.
188
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:14,670
Just let me go.
189
00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:17,170
Then we’d miss out on all the fun.
190
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:24,600
You should have never come
to our town.
191
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:29,390
A man’s wife is his life,
Mr. UPS man.
192
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:38,150
Come on, honey.
193
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:43,160
Thought we wouldn’t find out?
194
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,040
Who’s there?
195
00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:06,970
This is Varachnu
with Wolf Home Security.
196
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,930
A man broke into the house with…
197
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:10,770
Varachnu?
198
00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:14,020
I didn’t sign up to have an Indian guy.
Are you even in the United States?
199
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:17,480
I am in United States.
200
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,530
That’s bullshit.
Put your manager on.
201
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,280
Hold on.
202
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:27,620
This is Kevin with Wolf Home Security.
Is everything all right?
203
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:28,740
It’s not.
204
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:31,950
Why is a guy from India calling me
when my house is being broken into?
205
00:12:32,290 --> 00:12:35,120
We have alarms going off
across the country 14 times a minute.
206
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,250
That takes a lot of employees
manning phones.
207
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,880
I’m not paying to have some guy
on the other side of the Earth.
208
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:45,180
It doesn’t matter.
We contact your neighborhood police.
209
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:50,060
I’m so relieved.
There’s still one little problem.
210
00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:52,560
How do you know I didn’t break in,
set off the alarm,
211
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,270
and now, I’m stalling
by being upset about the Indian guy,
212
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:57,650
and have actually stolen a lot of shit,
raped my mom,
213
00:12:57,770 --> 00:12:59,610
and you have done nothing about it?
214
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,450
That fucked my head.
215
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:08,280
I just fucked your head,
and the UPS guy just fucked my mom!
216
00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:12,950
Quiet down, people!
217
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,000
I know you’re all worried
about your families security.
218
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:20,170
All I can tell you is that so far,
Bane has not been caught.
219
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,420
What are we supposed to do?
220
00:13:23,550 --> 00:13:26,590
If Bane is out there on the loose,
none of us are safe.
221
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,640
One Bane’s bad enough,
but apparently, we’ve got seven Banes.
222
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,730
What do we tell our kids?
We can’t leave them in the dark.
223
00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:37,690
Wouldn’t be the only ones
in your family completely in the dark.
224
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:39,980
Nothing.
225
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:43,230
Listen, there’s nothing more we can do
to protect your homes,
226
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,400
but there’s someone here
who says he can.
227
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,620
We’re more than happy
to get your homes safe and secure.
228
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:52,740
You’ll want monitors
on all your doors and windows,
229
00:13:52,910 --> 00:13:54,540
motion detectors in the living areas.
230
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:58,290
And I’d also recommend you get
our newest personal security system,
231
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:01,090
to make sure your wives
are safe outside the home.
232
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,050
Wait, what do you mean?
233
00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:07,090
Protecting your home and family
is hard enough,
234
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:10,180
but sometimes, alarms on your doors
and windows aren’t enough.
235
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:14,100
A new security system allows not only
to monitor your doors and windows,
236
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,890
but your fear levels as well.
237
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:19,100
A security system
that is actually inside you.
238
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:21,150
It’s called Insecurity.
239
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,650
We’ll never forget the day
we took our daughters to the beach.
240
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,740
What cute twins.
241
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,780
They’re so adorable
that I’m gonna bash their heads in!
242
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:37,120
This is Peter with Insecurity.
Is everything all right?
243
00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:39,500
A white man
tried to murder our twin girls.
244
00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:42,080
A police car is in the way
with blankets and cocoa.
245
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:45,380
I hope other people have Insecurity
to protect their families.
246
00:14:46,090 --> 00:14:49,220
– How does the shoe fit, pal?
– I think it fits good.
247
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,760
Let’s see if it fits better
than this knife through your skull!
248
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,940
This is David with Insecurity.
Is everything all right?
249
00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:04,150
A white shoe salesman
tried to murder my son.
250
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,280
Hold tight, police are on their way
with blankets and cocoa.
251
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,030
Don’t let your family
become another statistic.
252
00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,530
Have peace of mind
253
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:12,910
with Insecurity.
254
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,700
It just keeps getting worse.
255
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:19,460
I see stuff from Amazon every day.
My poor dad has no idea.
256
00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:22,000
– You’re gonna have to tell him.
– I know.
257
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,090
Let’s see you try and take
my iPod headphones now!
258
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:30,130
If you want to steal somebody’s stuff,
you should look elsewhere.
259
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:32,430
Nobody wants any of your stuff,
you fat bitch.
260
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,680
Fat bitch?
261
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,140
It just so happens that this fat bitch
has Insecurity now.
262
00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:41,350
I’m protected from all you greedy Jews
until you and your people die out.
263
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,520
The Jewish population isn’t dying out,
fat ass, it’s growing.
264
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,990
This is Marcus with Insecurity.
Is everything all right?
265
00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:55,530
I heard troubling news,
and it set my Insecurity.
266
00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:57,740
Could I get your password, please?
267
00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:00,960
It’s uloveboobs.
268
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,670
– I love boobs?
– No, uloveboobs.
269
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,380
Lowercase U, loveboobs.
270
00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:10,340
– How did you know that?
– My password is uloveboobs.
271
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,470
I get it.
That’s pretty funny.
272
00:16:12,630 --> 00:16:15,180
It’s fucking hilarious.
Now, shut off my Insecurity, please.
273
00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:16,510
Here you go.
274
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,470
Anyway…
275
00:16:22,890 --> 00:16:23,730
Goddammit.
276
00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:30,360
And then,
I had to drive to Walgreens,
277
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,740
Barnes & Noble and Ace Hardware.
278
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:35,910
Going around
having to buy stuff again sucks.
279
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:39,620
At least, we never have
to deal with that UPS driver again.
280
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:40,700
He’s back.
281
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,210
I just came
from Will Paterson’s house.
282
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:46,170
His mother got three packages
from Amazon,
283
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:49,380
and the UPS guy told her
what he’d like to do to her.
284
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:52,970
– How?
– He dropped this on his way out.
285
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,140
Oh, my God!
286
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:57,930
Didn’t kill him, did you?
287
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,560
I didn’t think you had it in you.
288
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,810
We scared him.
We thought it’d be enough.
289
00:17:04,230 --> 00:17:06,230
Milkman don’t get scared.
290
00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:09,480
Not with free pussy
at every doorstep.
291
00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:24,250
Son of a bitch!
It’s him, all right.
292
00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:26,500
This guy doesn’t know when to quit.
293
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:28,130
He’s stopping at another house.
294
00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:34,800
This guy is a lot tougher
than we thought.
295
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,130
Must be why our wives
want him so bad.
296
00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:39,390
Sorry, that’s me.
297
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:43,720
This is Alan with Insecurity.
Is everything all right?
298
00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:47,390
Sorry, false alarm.
Pass phrase is “tickle me homo”.
299
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:49,440
It’s a joke.
300
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:50,940
Mom, Dad,
301
00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:54,690
you’ve taught me that being honest
is a basic Jewish tenet.
302
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:55,900
That’s right.
303
00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:58,070
And that applies to all of us,
doesn’t it?
304
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,620
Even though it’s convenient
to have things done for you,
305
00:18:00,740 --> 00:18:02,950
sometimes,
it’s best to deal with it yourself.
306
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,540
I got a delivery for you.
307
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,210
Come in for a minute.
308
00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:16,300
I need you to come sit down
for a second.
309
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:26,480
Here we all are.
310
00:18:28,730 --> 00:18:30,770
Mom, do you want
to tell Dad something?
311
00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:34,110
Mom?
312
00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:37,440
– What’s going on?
– You know damn well what’s going on.
313
00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:38,780
This ends right now!
314
00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:41,910
We are a family,
and you need to go somewhere else!
315
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,410
Don’t you think I want to?
316
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,240
I hate this damn town.
317
00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:48,160
Every day, things keep
getting weirder around here,
318
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:49,830
and I’m just about sick of it.
319
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:53,420
Oh, my God!
320
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,300
This is Brian with Insecurity.
Is everything all right?
321
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,680
They blew up my car!
322
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:04,600
Police are on their way
with blankets and cocoa.
323
00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:06,640
They’re after me again.
Do something!
324
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,940
Hold on,
I have another emergency coming in.
325
00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:12,310
This is Brian with Insecurity.
Is everything all right?
326
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,230
False alarm again.
327
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,320
I’m in the store, and some fat bitch
asked me if my dad likes cologne.
328
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,490
– What the hell is going on out here?
– Stay out of this.
329
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:24,320
Some men care
about what their wives are doing.
330
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,240
You don’t even have a wife.
331
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,500
Somebody answer me.
332
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:33,420
You have to send help now!
333
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,550
We are sending help, just stay calm…
Hang on, sir.
334
00:19:36,670 --> 00:19:38,210
This is Martin with Insecurity.
335
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:41,880
I’m thinking maybe Gerald’s house
is nicer than mine is.
336
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,340
This is Martin…
337
00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:46,180
I’ve had it with you people!
338
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,350
I thought I was getting
CSI guys protecting my ass,
339
00:19:49,470 --> 00:19:51,770
but all you answering the phones
are complete retards!
340
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,400
This is Mike with Insecurity.
Is everything all right?
341
00:19:58,690 --> 00:19:59,690
Come down here!
342
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:10,700
So you say this man killed himself
because he was a psychopath
343
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:12,750
who was forced
to have sex with his mother?
344
00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:15,080
We found that in his pocket.
345
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,880
We found this in the closet upstairs.
346
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:23,430
– That’s mine.
– Yours?
347
00:20:24,010 --> 00:20:24,970
Give me that.
348
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,220
What we do in our bedroom
is our business.
349
00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:30,350
Wait a minute.
Dad was the UPS man?
350
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:34,480
Sometimes,
when people get older they need…
351
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,020
to play and pretend
to keep things interesting.
352
00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:39,480
It’s a way I can still be intimate
with your mother
353
00:20:39,610 --> 00:20:42,950
without relying on
silly sexual enhancement drugs.
354
00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:50,410
It’s over.
355
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:52,120
But you were wrong.
356
00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:54,710
We don’t have to be afraid of Amazon.
357
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,500
The only price
to be paid for convenience
358
00:20:57,630 --> 00:21:00,130
is that we must be
secure with ourselves.
359
00:21:02,590 --> 00:21:05,800
Got yourselves some nice
home security systems, don’t you?
360
00:21:06,550 --> 00:21:09,640
Paying a man to do your job
of protecting your house.
361
00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:13,310
Only problem is while you’re out
feeling like your things are safe,
362
00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:15,640
that security man
is fucking your wife.
363
00:21:17,770 --> 00:21:20,730
Doors and windows should be armed.
Your motion detectors are running.
364
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:23,070
Just call me
whenever you need me back.
365
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:34,040
– Who are you?
– It doesn’t matter who we are.
366
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,660
What matters is our plan.
367
00:21:36,330 --> 00:21:39,130
You should have respected
my authority.
27925
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