Original subtitles

La Fabrique www.sous-titres.eu

You find a good mitt?

How come when we play baseball, I always have to be the catcher?

Because you’ve got good coordination, sharp reflexes, and you’re fucking fat.

– I’m not fat. – Right, you’re not fat.

I’m not fat.

I don’t drive a mobility scooter like that bitch.

Jesus Christ, he can’t even walk down an aisle?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

You can’t even walk around a Walmart anymore

without getting run over by some fat dick on a rascal.

Why do they even allow those things in stores?

They don’t allow them, they have them available.

You gotta be kidding me.

Oh my God, look at this!

Candy Corn Oreos.

Oreos with candy corn filling. Holy hell, yes!

Are you serious?

Look around, doesn’t this bother you at all?

That’s you one day, fatass. Not even one day!

If you don’t change something, that’s you in about a year!

Are those Candy Corn Oreos?

Here you go.

Could I come in?

Why?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,

about what you said at Walmart.

You’re right.

I’m fat.

All these years, you telling me and me saying,

“No, I’m big boned” or “No, that’s just muscle”,

it was always me living in denial.

I’m fucking fat.

I’m fucking fat as fucking fuck.

– All I was telling you was… – It’s OK.

Because I’m not gonna live like some slug

who can’t leave his house because he can’t get around.

Now that I can admit I’m fat,

I’ve decided to do something.

Sweet!

It took me so long.

I just needed a few extra pounds, and the insurance paid for it.

It’s got a basket for my Candy Corn Oreos.

You don’t need that!

– Get off of it! – Sweet.

Did you know they make access for mobility scooters everywhere?

I can go from my bed to Walmart and never have to touch a floor once.

That’s not what I meant by doing something about it!

I can’t seem to get into your bathroom.

This is a problem.

Make your bathroom accessible for my mobility scooter.

– I won’t be able to take a shit. – So take a shit somewhere else!

That’s not the way this country works.

Your bathroom has to be to code. It’s the law.

What’s going on?

Can’t seem to be able to take a dump in your house.

Doesn’t appear to be accessible. I’ll look past it this time.

Get that bathroom up to code if you don’t want a lawsuit.

I’m off to take a shit at Best Buy.

Nobody understands how embarrassing it is

to live with obesity.

Out of the way, please.

Wherever you go, you’re treated differently.

I guess take that big booth by the window.

You’re made to feel different, to feel like less of a person.

I feel so much shame.

All I can do is make myself feel a little better

by flying to Disneyland on the weekends.

We’re going to start with preboarding.

Anyone needing special assistance getting on the aircraft…

Coming through. How humiliating.

But even at Disneyland, I get reminded of my weight.

Excuse me, gotta go to the front of the line.

What shame I feel.

Look how fat I am. I am mortified, you guys.

Can’t believe I…

What the fuck is this?

There’s a wait for the rascal line?

That kid in the middle isn’t even fat!

Look at him! He’s got no right to be on a rascal!

You’re not fooling anybody, asshole! Walk to the back of the line!

I don’t have legs.

Well, you got skinny arms.

And then even Disneyland can’t take away the shame.

As all the people suffering from obesity are ignored,

like we’re invisible.

Excuse me. Move it.

And so, to go through all that, Your Honor,

to go through all the shame and daily ridicule,

then not be able to take a simple shit at Best Buy…

At Best Buy, I’m sorry.

To be told by some Best Buy manager

that your mobility scooter can’t fit in this bathroom.

Excuse me. It’s just so belittling, you know?

All I wanted to do was take a dump.

After all I’ve been through, can’t I just take a dump at Best Buy?

More lawsuits today, as people on mobility scooters

claim they have nowhere to poo.

Property owners are being ordered to modify their bathrooms,

costing taxpayers millions.

Opponents of the measure are expressing their outrage

by engaging in the act of rascal tipping.

Stop it, you kids!

The government warns that rascal tipping can be dangerous,

and may lead to fat people shitting their pants

as they kick and scream on the floor.

To counter the crisis,

the department of health has called for $25 million in aid,

so that all mobility scooters can be fitted

with a tip assist device.

Nice, that works pretty well.

– You have got to be kidding me. – What?

We shouldn’t waste time and money

making sure Cartman’s fat scooter can’t be tipped over!

You condone rascal tipping?

People in mobility scooters are being victimized!

So get off your fucking scooters and pick them up!

Did you hear him?

This is exactly what Adele is talking about.

Our culture celebrates anorexia

and makes us ashamed if we don’t have slim stomachs

and perky little tits like Kyle.

I, for one, am gonna stop feeling ashamed

just because Kyle throws up in the bathroom six times a day

to make sure he looks good on his magazine covers.

You should be ashamed of yourself!

Eating your latkes and gefilte fish, putting your fingers down your throat,

because society tells you how to look!

I’m not feeling shame anymore!

From now on, I’m gonna shop sitting down

and skip to the front of lines with my head held high!

Just because someone needs a mobility scooter

doesn’t mean they’re an ignorant piece of white trash!

I may be fat, but I’m not Honey Boo Boo!

– Who’s Honey Boo Boo? – You’ve never seen Honey Boo Boo?

My name’s Honey Boo Boo, and I’m a beauty queen, bitches!

I’m fat as a whale, and I don’t give two shits, girl!

Her favorite foods are sketti and butter.

And she likes drinking Red Bull and Mountain Dew.

I’m only six, and I’ve already had three heart attacks, girlfriend!

Come on now, Boo Boo!

Now, get up and wave to them judges!

We got no shame about our weight, ’cause our weight makes us sassy.

Jesus, dude.

What’s happened?

It’s like something’s lowered the bar

to the point that nobody feels any shame any more.

It’s not like the bar is this actual, physical thing.

This is it.

Throttle down!

Mr. Cameron, you don’t have to do this.

Why don’t you just go back to Malibu? Go work on another movie.

I have to do this. I have to try and raise it.

The bar isn’t something that actually lowers.

Then how do you explain all the fat people on mobility scooters?

How do you account for…

Honey Boo Boo?

The bar has been lowered to depths we can’t even fathom.

If anyone can go down there and raise it back, it’s me.

Let her go!

UV lights on. Pressure system is normal.

Music on!

His name is James Cameron The bravest pioneer

No budget too steep, no sea too deep Who’s that? It’s him, James Cameron

Systems are normal. You guys hearing the song OK?

James Cameron Explorer of the sea

We hear the song.

Descending to one thousand feet. I don’t see the bar yet.

It must have sunk pretty low.

With a dying thirst to be the first Could it be? That’s him, James Cameron

Hurry it up in there!

That’s good. That’s accessible now.

Let me try and take a shit in this real quick.

This has gone far enough!

Why can’t people see the difference between being sensitive to obesity

and letting fat people walk all over us?

What we need is something to raise awareness.

– We gotta raise people’s awareness. – Something like a documentary.

You know, follow Cartman around with a video camera,

then get his bullshit on television.

A documentary?

At least, we’d be voicing our concerns.

We should feel some shame for complaining and doing nothing.

I guess you’re kind of right.

If you wanna follow Cartman around and get video of him,

I’ll pay to make it into a documentary and get it on the air.

Really? Thanks!

I’m gonna go get a video camera!

If you’re gonna have Kyle video that stuff for you,

you should probably tell him the truth.

He doesn’t need to know the truth.

Kyle will get what he wants, and so will I.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have an epidemic in our country.

Obesity is costing taxpayers millions,

and some are taking advantage of a system that is flawed.

Over the past several days, I have filmed one such case,

and the shocking video has been edited by my partner, Token.

It is our hope that this film will cast light on a serious issue.

Token Black Productions.

He’s chubby!

He’s filthy!

And he’s a little bit nuts.

Here he is, America’s new sweetheart,

Fatty Doo Doo!

Fatty Doo Doo?

Who’s that scooting on a scooter

Fatty Doo Doo

Who’s got doo doo like a fatty scoot-dee doo

Nobody scoots a fatty doo like you do

Scatty foo foo

Patty poo poo

White president

Black president, I don’t care

Just scoot me up some doo doo and I’ll be right there

I only know five chords

Come in.

What have you done?

I’ve helped you make a documentary.

When we said documentary, I thought we meant 60 Minutes,

not Honey Boo Boo!

I’m trying to make compelling television.

Randy Newman did the theme song. You’re not trying that hard.

You’re a good kid.

How can you sit and collect money

on a show about a fat child killing himself?

Where’s your sense of shame?

I can remember exactly where I was

the first time I saw Honey Boo Boo.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

A shameful, fat family

eating white trash food to their deaths.

Then I saw what network it was on.

The Learning Channel.

If they can feel OK about that,

why can’t I?

When the bar gets lowered, we all pay the price.

What if Honey Boo Boo was a little black girl?

Being fattened up by her mom and talking about grits and hominy?

But she’s not black.

She’s white.

The bar is determined by society.

It’s not something that can just be raised up.

Not by us

or anyone else.

Are you guys seeing this?

Yes, we see, Mr. Cameron.

This is where the bar was just a few years ago.

It was lowered here when Clinton got a blowjob in the Oval Office.

And suddenly, men who were just getting blowjobs in alleyways

thought they weren’t that bad.

But clearly, something else has lowered the bar even more!

I must go deeper!

We’re in the pipe, 5 by 5.

I just don’t know what to do.

I mean, I hate Cartman with all my heart,

but I can’t help feeling ashamed for taking advantage of him.

But should I feel shame?

Whatever lowered the bar, it’s not my fault.

So if I kind of go with it, is it really unfair to Cartman?

I guess not, but…

what are you trying to do?

Just…

make some money off him, like Honey Boo Boo.

Dude!

Dude, not cool!

Haven’t you heard what happened?

Honey Boo Boo’s heart gave out.

Oh my God.

Yeah, dude,

it’s really serious.

The doctors said Honey Boo Boo needs a heart transplant.

They’re gonna do a surgery and put a pig heart in her,

so we’re going to the ranch to pick out a hog.

I’m getting a pig heart!

If Honey Boo Boo is gonna do pageants with a pig heart,

we wanna pick a hog that has pizazz

and knows how to work it, girl.

I want that one!

This one here? You want this one?

Yeah! No, wait!

That pig over there gave me the evil eye!

I want that one!

This one right here? You want this one?

I want that one’s heart. It looked at me funny!

We’ve been in the OR about two hours already.

I just hope when she does her pageants,

the judges don’t take away points, ’cause she’s got pig heart.

Honey Boo Boo!

– Honey Boo Boo! – What?

What you gonna tell them judges if they ask you about your heart?

I’m gonna tell them, “My heart is sweeter than bacon!”

Who wants sketti and butter?

She’s got a pig heart now, she thinks she’s a pacaderm.

Show them your scar!

This’ my scar, ’cause I got a pig heart!

My scar makes me sassy, child!

SS Cameron, this is James Cameron.

I am now at 16,000 feet.

You should see the cold, darkness of it all.

The isolation and yet awe of the sea’s magnitude.

I have now sunk deeper than any human has ever been before!

Way out here in the ocean depths

Going deep deep deep

Oh hey, James Cameron!

What the fuck?

I’ve been diving in the deep

I’m feeling so cheap

Son of a bitch!

How did you beat me down here?

I don’t want anyone raising the bar, ’cause nobody’ll hire me.

Deep deep deep in the ocean

Come on. Fight me, Cameron.

All right, you son of a bitch.

I’ll take you to hell!

It is a violation of my civil rights, and you should be ashamed!

I’m sorry, I had to tell him. His life is in danger.

Making money off of people’s handicaps!

I’d like you to meet my lawyer.

As soon as he gets in here, he’ll hand you a cease-and-desist order.

That show’s not gonna air!

It actually did last night.

You found a network to buy it?

But it didn’t do so good. Honey Boo Boo killed us in the ratings.

That little bitch beat me in the ratings?

Oh hell, no!

I was our first show, so you can’t…

I don’t give a shit!

Nobody beats my ratings!

Get me a plane ticket. That bitch is going down!

We welcome you to the First Lady’s symposium on obesity.

With your keynote speaker, Michelle Obama.

Our country is in the midst of an epidemic.

Recently, a very big conflict was brought to my attention.

A conflict that illustrates without a doubt

what should be our nation’s number one priority.

What will we do as a country?

I cannot give you any easy answers.

But what I can give you

is what we’ve all been waiting for.

Honey Boo Boo vs. Fatty Poo Poo!

You’re going down, bitch!

Nobody takes my ratings!

That’s good, fatty! Get pissed!

– I’m pissed! – Yeah, fatty!

I’m fat and pissed!

Ain’t nobody can beat my Boo Boo at sketti wrestling!

Let’s do this!

Fuck!

I ain’t done with you, bitch.

Tip assist!

You think he’s dead?

I hope so.

SS Cameron! This is James Cameron!

I’ve found it! My God, I’ve found the bar!

Divert all power to subsystems!

2% oxygen left!

The bar is too heavy!

Come on, you bitch!

I’ll be damned.

Dude, you OK?

I’ve been thinking, how did shamelessness get to this?

Did it start with fat people on scooters?

Or did the bar get lowered way before that?

And then I started thinking,

maybe it was us.

I don’t know, but maybe somehow we lowered the bar,

a long time ago.

And now, we’re all sitting here in the stink of it all.

There’s no going back.

It’s like, I can’t explain it. I suddenly feel like this isn’t right.

I don’t know why we were watching that garbage in the first place.

Mrs. Obama? Ma’am? You OK?

Something’s wrong.

This is all wrong!

Stop! Everyone!

What are we doing?

How can you let this happen to your daughter?

I don’t know.

How did I let myself go like this?

What have I done?

When did we devolve into watching fat kids sketti wrestling?

We need to realize obesity is an epidemic,

but it’s not a disease.

From now on, I’m going to dedicate this administration

to fighting childhood obesity.

You fucking bitch!

What the hell is going on?

I don’t know.

I think we’ve been given another chance.

Mr. Cameron, we can’t believe it!

We’re done here. Set course for the set of Avatar 2.

People should know.

How you saved us all.

How you raised the bar.

How will they know what a hero you are?

James Cameron doesn’t do what James Cameron does

for James Cameron.

James Cameron does what James Cameron does,

because James Cameron is…

James Cameron.

His name is James Cameron The bravest pioneer

No budget too steep, no sea too deep Who’s that? It’s him, James Cameron