Original subtitles

So, what did you do with your last night in Florida?

It was awesome sauce. My boys gave me a little bit of a sendoff

'cause I'm not gonna be back till Christmas.

- Your "boys"? - Yeah.

- Who are your boys? - You know.

My boys.

Sam. Cliff.

Norm.

So, the cast of Cheers.

I did not know you knew that show.

Mm-hmm, was Coach there?

Unfortunately, Coach passed. Season three.

I'm sorry.

Look at this house they're giving me.

Wow.

Oh! A gift basket.

They asked me what your favorite booze was.

Oh! Thank you, honey.

Didn't buy it, just replied to a text.

Well, you remembered.

Oh.

This place is way too big for one person.

I'm not moving in with you, Dad.

- I wasn't thinking that. - Yes, you were.

Yes, I was. We'd have so much fun!

Oh, I like this.

- Mm! - What do you think?

- Yeah. - Could I wear this under a blazer?

- Never do that. - No?

Dad, we have to talk about something.

Oh!

Dill pickle-flavored Corn Nuts? Is that regional?

I don't know.

It's taken me a while to get out of Mom's shadow.

And you're here now.

- Mm-hmm. - Which I've decided is great.

Ooh! That took a nice turn.

I've been trying to get you out of your rut

since you and Mom split up, and this is definitely that.

- Mm-hmm. - But with my marriage collapsing

and my suspension...

I can barely take care of myself.

So, if I feel like I need to take care of you, I...

We need to give each other

- some space, you know? - Mm-hmm.

Jesus Christ, just eat them.

Sorry. They taste like crunchy pickles.

Mm-hmm.

Mm!

- Okay. Sorry. - Okay.

- I have my own life... - Hold on. One more.

- As you were saying. - Okay.

- I have my own life here. - Mm-hmm.

I can't have you holding my hand.

Got it. You can fight your own battles.

And if you can't fight them by yourself, we will fight them together, hand in hand.

- It was a joke. - Yeah. I'm leaving now.

- Okay. - And I'm taking the Toblerone.

And honey, thank you for this.

Also, I wasn't serious about living together.

Oh, really? I was just thinking

how the dead hockey coach's house is kinda lonely,

and it might be fun to crash here

- for a couple weeks... - Do it!

Order pizza, I will get a...

Oh, that was not nice.

- That was not a nice thing to do. - Love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, hey! Hey, new neighbor!

It's so weird. Remember?

Your friend was supposed to live in this house.

I remember.

Calm down. I'm not mad at you.

Thanks. God.

Can I walk with you?

I got the first-day jitters and I don't know

- where anything is. - Come on.

Thank you.

What's up with the shoes? You going to prom?

Oh, I knew they were too shiny.

- Whoa. - You okay?

- Yep, I'm good. - Okay.

Hey, you got a minute to help me with something?

Yeah, of course. You name it.

- Okay. - Ooh! That is cool.

You should get one.

I need to lock in my summer internship.

I don't think you know how much I'm freaking out.

I mean, you don't exactly sound so freaked out.

Why don't you give me something with a little gusto?

- How are you feeling? - I'm not sleeping.

- At all? You're stressed! - I'm stressed!

- I'm stressed! - Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, please.

I'm trying to work on my book here.

Oh, my God, I am so sorry for talking in my own apartment.

I hate him.

- We will keep it down. - Thank you.

I need an advisor with pull.

I should just ask President Mann.

- He's at the gym all the time. - Right!

Oh, you and Walt.

That's really not... That's not ideal for me.

Ideal for you?

Yeah.

Permission to be frank?

Break up. Let's wrap this up. Go home!

It's just that I have been in the spotlight

quite a lot lately, and I think

maybe in lieu of drawing more attention to us...

She just rolled her eyes at me saying "in lieu."

Educated people say "in lieu," Mo.

My editor is calling me every single day asking to see new pages on this.

This book is not just for me, it's for our child's future, alright?

So, I think it would behoove us to create conditions

under which I can succeed.

Walt, he is, like, the biggest gossip on campus, alright?

And the last thing that we need is that man

rooting around in our lives.

'Kay, fine. I won't ask him.

Thank you.

So, you think it's okay to just hire him, even though you already promised

the Writer-In-Residence gig to my friend Ruby?

If this is what you meant by helping, I don't love it.

Hiring Greg was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Your friend can do it next semester.

Maybe that'll give her time to write something someone's heard of.

Ruby won the Baillie Gifford Prize in nonfiction.

- We all have our resumes. - Look.

Walt said that I had to take the job or Katie was gonna lose hers.

And I would appreciate it if we'd just keep that between us,

- because Katie would kill me. - Of course.

Better watch your back, Greg, 'cause he might stab you in it.

You understand this isn't even about her friend.

This is about the Review.

I don't know what the Review is.

- That is a shitty thing to say. - Then I take it back, I do.

We're supposed to be friends, Walt, and you just tossed it aside.

You need to handle your job with a little more grace and sensitivity.

Do you know why I am so deeply drawn to Greg?

You don't... That's not necessary.

Because he is the only one around here

who doesn't actually want something from me.

It's a teeny tiny violin.

I was gonna ask what that was.

- It is really small. - If you would excuse us,

I have to help Greg find his new office.

Come. This way.

Bye-bye.

And here we are.

Think I could have found this on my own. Do I need to apologize to Dylan?

Oh, we did nothing wrong. She should be apologizing to us.

Let me show you my favorite part of this whole setup.

Do you love it as much as I do?

So, your office is connected to my...

You can come by and say hi anytime.

- That'll be fun. - We got a hockey game tomorrow night.

Hired a new coach. You care to come?

I'm not really a hockey guy.

I wish that you had told me that I was taking Dylan's friend's job.

I bet Dylan's friend wished we told her, as well.

- Cristle! - Emailed her and sent a box of pears.

- Gym bag. - Thank you.

Oh, shower shoes.

Door open or closed?

Open's fine, thanks.

Good choice.

Wouldn't you know it?

Those rascals were in my bag the whole time.

- I'll be back in a jiff. - Okay.

See you soon.

Why are you making me do this?

This is like a labor camp. This is hell.

- You're fine. - I'm not, believe me.

Be right back. Dean Riggs?

I'm Sunny Salewski, I'm in your Evolutionary Bio class,

and I would like for you to be my advisor.

Whoa, buy me a drink first.

I'm looking for an internship

in biotech with a focus on health and wellness.

Look, you seem like a beautiful young scientist, but I can't.

I'd explain further, but I've been told not to by my attorney.

Good luck.

- Smoke break. - You earned it.

Young lady. If I may.

Don't pick your advisor based on what you think

they can do for you.

It should be someone with whom you have a real connection.

Thank you, sir.

Onward.

Oh, I should have just asked him.

I mean, he was already advising me.

No, no. No, darling, no, no, no. He was eavesdropping

and inserting himself into your conversation.

That is just what Walt does, trust me.

Look, okay. Once, totally offhand, right?

I mentioned to Cristle that I might someday want to have a dog.

Next thing I knew, Walt is in my living room

with Roscoe.

He'd already called him Roscoe.

I wouldn't have called him Roscoe.

I would have called him something more whimsical,

like Giuseppe.

Okay, don't pretend you're not in love with that dog.

I've seen you open-mouth kissing him.

He prefers it that way, he's Italian.

Look, Riggs loves me. I'll speak to him.

I'll get him to change his mind. What are you doing?

I am texting you a study on the fecal matter

in dogs' mouths.

Shan't be reading that.

Okay, so you can use these notes on the Impressionists as a general guide.

I'm sorry about the pizza sauce. I had a pretty late night.

Have you ever seen Rick and Morty?

- Respecting boundaries by knocking. - Take it, take it.

Take it.

Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

I just wanted to check to see if you looked

at that lesson plan that I emailed.

Hi... Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?

A hundred percent. This is Lily, my TA. She smokes.

- Yes! I love it. Yay! - Yay.

I'm just prepping her to cover my classes.

Oh. Okay, I can wait.

But what time is her class? Because mine starts in 25 minutes.

Okay, Dad, fine.

You know, I did take a look, and this is way over-scheduled.

This is giving me flashbacks to when you were coaching

my U8 soccer team and you had that big binder of plays.

- Yeah? - Whoa, yeah, you've gotta relax.

- Okay, alright. - Okay, do you remember

when you finally said screw it, and you told us

to just kick the ball around and have fun?

Yeah, I remember that.

Right, that was the first game that we won.

Well, the other team's goalie was, like, four years old.

Honey, honey, I get very nervous

speaking in front of people unless I have a plan.

And I am not a rockstar teacher like you are.

At the moment, I'm not any kind of teacher.

Okay.

You know what would cheer you up?

There's a hockey game tomorrow night. You want to go together like we used to?

Sure, Dad.

- Are you... Really? - Whatever.

I did not expect that answer.

Okay, I have to get to class.

- Okay. Yep. - I love you. Lily?

Do not smoke, it's not good for you.

Yes.

Mm!

That's a cool shortcut.

Whoa!

Oh, that's a dangerous shortcut.

Okay.

- Hello! Hello, everybody. - Woof!

You look like Stone Hill got ya.

Yeah, new shoes, and I forgot to scuff up the bottom, so no biggie.

Your leg is bleeding.

Yeah, it doesn't hurt though.

Okay, so I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with my work.

Ah, Miami Amour.

That's a crowd-pleaser. But I doubt that any of my books

are on the shelves of this hallowed institution.

- They aren't. - Oh, hey, I recognize you.

Ah, okay. They are called beach reads.

And yes, you can usually find them at the airport.

But if you pick a good one, you can't put it down.

Welcome to "The Art of the Page-Turner."

- Let's fucking go! - Oh, yeah.

Okay, so we're gonna start.

I'm gonna talk about some of the authors who made me want to tell stories.

People like Greg McDonald, or Sue Grafton, or Carl Hiaasen.

Mine was Zadie Smith.

Yes. Absolutely love him or her.

Or they.

I know it's a little uptight here, so I would like you

to call me Greg.

- You wrote "Grg," bro. - Hmm?

The whiteboard. You wrote "Grg."

And that's permanent marker.

It's gonna say "Grg" all year.

- Mr. Russo? - Yes, question here.

Is this supposed to be you? 'Cause if so, dude, nice washboard.

No, no, no, that is not me.

I have absolutely nothing to do with the artwork.

I read that you get approval on all your cover art.

- Did you, Ronni? You read that? - Mm-hmm.

Okay. You know, I...

I emailed you all a syllabus

and a breakdown of how every class is going to go, minute by minute.

Aw, man. You made this sound like fun, man.

This is not fun.

I don't know any of these authors.

I'm not sure if this literature will speak to me.

Oh, just you wait, Ronni. You are going to be my white whale.

At this institution, we have zero tolerance for body shaming.

Believe me, I was not shaming her.

I was referencing a very famous book that I have not read.

- Moby-Dick. - And besides,

it doesn't really even make any sense.

Ronni has a lovely figure. No, no. Nope. Nope. Nope.

If I may. Life's complicated.

We all mess up. We mess up at our jobs.

Mess up at our relationships.

But aren't we all trying our best to navigate the complexities of this life?

"The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."

That's Hamlet, Greg.

Personally, I think that the quickest route

back to forgiveness is if we accept the fact

that in our cores...

we're just good people.

You are a bad person and I hate you.

I'm fine here with a verbal warning.

- Oh, thank God. - Walk with me, Mr. Russo.

You're a bad boy.

Ten years ago, this school didn't even have

- a disciplinary board. - Mm.

- It's a real gotcha culture now. - The last thing I'd want to do

- is make a young woman uncomfortable. - Same.

Yet we both keep doing it.

Yeah. What?

So, how are you getting on here? You finding your bearings?

Not even close, no.

Tell you what, Greg. Come by my place tonight.

I'll give you the lay of the land.

We can have a drink on the porch.

I cannot tell you how much I would love to do that.

I have a great bottle of whiskey.

Porch whiskey it is.

- Look forward to it. - Okay.

- 'Kay. - See you then.

Not your mom! Not your milk!

No more silence! End gun violence!

Zoey, what is all this?

They double-booked the free speech zone,

so on this side, we have vegans, and on this side, we have gun control.

- What side are you on? - I haven't really decided yet,

'cause on the one hand, I do want jackfruit tacos in the caf,

but I also don't love the idea of getting shot.

Tough call.

The free speech zone was over by Cabot Hall.

Why is it outside my office now?

I guess someone must have moved it.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again for taking on Sunny.

An '86 Molique Volnay!

You must love your mistress very much.

Well...

We need to talk.

I'm being summoned. Just give me a minute.

Did you move the free speech zone outside my office?

You should thank me.

I usually do more when people complain about me to Walt.

Oh, my God.

Are you that petty?

I'm gonna answer your question with another question.

Yes?

Would you give me that water, please?

No!

You pompous prick.

You are a walking relic of the past,

and nobody's gonna miss you when you're gone.

Are you trying to be funny? Don't you slide out of your chair!

What are you doing?

Riggs!

- Call 9-1-1! - What?

- Cristle! - Oh, my God!

God, why do bad things keep happening to me?

911, what's your emergency?

Hello, yes, I'm just calling from Ludlow College.

There's a man who I think has maybe fainted.

Well, I'm not a doctor, but it doesn't look great.

It's bad. You drive.

Thank you.

It was a heart attack.

But Susan says he will pull through.

Luckily, she has a friend over there with her.

Good, good.

Did they say if a sip of water

- would have made a difference? - What?

I've already taken care of his classes for the week,

but we need an interim Dean of Faculty.

- Okay. - Today.

- Check. - Then don't dilly-dally, do it.

You're the one who's preventing me from doing

- what you want me to do. - Fine.

The show must go on.

Position's yours.

- No. - You'll do great.

- Congrats, Dylan! - No. No, no, no.

I'm not it. No, thank you.

Well, it's a rule that goes back to gladiator times.

You kill a man, you get his job.

I did not kill him.

Well, the paramedics said he was dead for three minutes,

and you said that water thing that was suspicious.

Plus, you can show me how to do it all with grace and sensitivity.

I see what you're doing.

Fine, I'm in.

Congrats again, Dylan!

- Appreciate you. - That's the spirit.

The man's an ox. He'll be back before you know it.

Have you ever seen him look so peaceful?

No.

He really valued your friendship.

Yeah.

V. Riggs. He's the best.

- Ah. I should go. - No. Please stay.

Stay for Vincent.

Vincent.

Dean Riggs, who I call Vincent because he is my friend.

You know, he could sense that I was feeling a little lost,

and he reached out to me.

Do you wanna hold his other hand?

Okay.

I want you all to close your eyes and picture something.

Go ahead, you can close your eyes. Close your eyes. Okay.

The year is 1929.

- Are your eyes closed? - Yeah, they're closed.

Stalin, he sorta, he becomes this kind of, this myth.

Like the tooth fairy,

if the tooth fairy had led several violent purges.

Stalin's cult of personality

was equal parts power and equal parts fear.

Fear...

- Oh! - Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Oh gosh. Here, I'm sorry. I owe you a drink.

Not... No. I'm sorry.

It'll probably go faster without all those loop-de-dos.

- Professor Shepard. - Thanks.

I hear it's Dean Shepard now. Congratulations.

- Yes, thank you. - You're welcome.

I recently submitted a proposal for my new philosophy curriculum.

Weeks ago, actually, so I'm gonna need to hear back,

like, ASAP, please.

Wow, a philosophy emergency. Don't get those a lot.

I do.

Let's give Dean Shepard a few days

- to get her feet wet. - Mm-hmm, teaching young people

how to think.

I could use that power for good, or I could use it for something not good.

They all want something, so never give anyone your time

- unless it's an emergency. - Mm-hmm.

Hi. What's up, Doc? No, what?

Sorry. Is it... I know I burned a house down. Ah!

But if I don't have work and I'm sitting at home,

my mind is going to some dark and crazy places.

You threatening to strike again?

No, no, no. No.

- I should give her some time. - Yeah, I think that would be best.

- Let's go to my office. - I'd love to.

- Okay. - Sorry.

And, done.

I let you sleep.

You looked almost beautiful.

Is it morning?

Oh, no, no! I'm late, I'm late!

Ah!

I told myself I came to campus today

- 'cause I missed being here. - Mm.

But I came to watch Arch teaching.

Sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you this.

We don't even know each other that well.

It's okay. Part of my job.

- Really? - I don't know.

I met Archie two weeks after I started teaching here.

I don't really have friends of my own.

Your dad's here now. He could be your friend.

Nope. I heard it.

- My bad. - I think I just need a win.

So, is there any chance that you would lift my suspension?

Again, don't know how my job works,

- but I'll try. - Thank you.

You should have seen him today in class,

bouncing around all happy.

Why isn't he struggling like I am?

Hello, you. Hey.

- You okay? - Yeah.

I was just looking at some old photos of Roscoe.

Thought you were gonna give that to Riggs.

Sadly, I never got the chance.

Well, I need an advisor who can breathe on his own.

So, I made a list of potential candidates

and factored in their professional connections

relative to how likely they are to die.

I crossed off two fatties and a smoker.

That's quite morbid.

I mean, it's only October, Sunny.

- What's the rush? - What's the rush?

I've got a blueberry inside of me

that's gonna grow to the size of a fucking watermelon.

So, it would "behoove" me to lock in an internship

before I start showing, seeing as very few biotech companies

want someone knocking over beakers with a baby bump.

Well, that... Hey.

They can't actually discriminate against you for that.

- That is illegal. - Great.

I'll make a thousand citizen's arrests.

You can go back to jacking off to pictures of your gassy dog.

Hold on, hold on, hold on!

I'm here. No, no. Sit down, sit down. Sit down, we're still having class.

I don't have my lesson plan.

Could someone go online and check the syllabus?

It is 10:46.

What does it say we should be doing right now?

Five minutes of spirited discussion.

Okay, does it say about what?

"Reflections on what we've discussed so far."

Hm.

You know what? Screw it.

Let's just kick the ball around a little bit, have some fun.

- No one knows what that means. - It is another metaphor, Ronni.

Not unlike "white whale," which I am saying directed at no one.

Alright, here's the deal.

I didn't take many writing courses in college,

partly because I didn't go to college.

- Nice. - I have written 11 bestsellers,

and the idea of teaching here is terrifying.

All of you scare me. Except Spooner.

- I got you, "Grg." - But you know what?

I think we have some things in common.

We all love to tell stories.

Why?

Why do we want to write?

Okay, I thought that all that vulnerability

might sort of loosen the jar, but I will go first.

The best thing about the Rooster books...

is that he gets to do everything I wish I could.

Get in a bar fight, or break the girl's heart.

Honestly, I write because sometimes,

I wish I was someone else.

When I used to write in high school, it was like the only time I felt smart.

Thank you, Tommy.

Anybody else?

I started writing after my parents got divorced.

Okay.

Now, I write a lot of sad stories about horses who love their kids.

Beautiful! That's great creativity, Maya!

Oh!

I am so, so sorry.

I blame the shoes.

I actually got rid of 'em.

- Good. They were too shiny. - Oh.

I've never run one of these things.

So, what happens next?

We have to go through the complaint.

Okay, it says here you closed your hand

firmly around her breast?

I think "firmly" is an exaggeration.

It was more of a soft and gentle cupping.

Why did I put it like that?

Miss Samuels acknowledges it was an accident.

Yeah. I was bracing my fall,

and her breasts happened to take the brace.

Okay. Don't do it again.

I'm out. Alright.

Thank you, everybody. Appreciate it.

Walter?

Hello, hi. Sorry, have you got a moment?

You have anything problematic in your life you still have a soft spot for?

Michael Jackson? Woody Allen? Plastic straws?

Probably be Roald Dahl for me.

Not great with our Jewish friends, but I mean,

Matilda the Musical, oh, come on.

Listen, I know that you only take on advisees

if you feel that you have a particular sort of connection.

If you just... Sunny?

Could I borrow you for a second, please?

Sunny here is a fantastic neuroscience candidate,

centering particularly on physical fitness and well-being.

Two fiery passions of yours, if I'm not mistaken.

I mean, how... Listen, you know, you could...

You could take your advisory sessions in the sauna.

- You know? - Aren't you pregnant?

In Nordic countries, it's actually routine throughout pregnancy.

And worst-case scenario, we just keep the temp below 170.

You know, I always see you with a protein drink,

and I make my own.

If you...

You'll taste pea proteins and a little bit

of dehydrated cherry for flavors and antioxidants.

That's incredible.

I'll leave you to it.

You're sure you're okay with me having a front row seat

to your interpersonal drama?

I would actually love a third-party POV.

Oh, I think we could have a great deal of fun with this.

Don't be afraid to move it! Don't be afraid to move it!

Okay.

Oh, sorry.

- Hi, Dad. - Hey, where are you?

You need to get down here.

The new coach is drinking a beer,

and during the last timeout,

he was singing Sweet Caroline to nobody.

I actually ended up going out with Lily and some of her friends.

So, you're not coming?

Oh, shoot. Well, I was excited to tell you about class.

I tried that thing of yours. You know, the kicking the ball around.

That's so great. Can I call you back? I'm actually having kind of a fun time.

Sure. I'll just watch the game by myself.

Maybe there is a daughter here without a dad.

Please don't make me feel guilty for not hanging out with you.

You took this job without asking how I felt about it.

You did that for you.

Yeah, I did that for me. I am a selfish guy. Selfish Greg.

Well, have fun with Lily.

And honey, remember what they say about secondhand smoke.

It's even worse than firsthand smoke.

Okay. Love you.

Here we go, blue!

Paluso, come here.

Ah, finally, a friendly face.

Speaking of friendly faces, who's that happy fella?

Oh, this is my jersey from when I played minor league hockey

with the Ontario Indians.

Woo-woo-woo! Chief love hockey.

Oh, my God, I have to take this off, don't I?

- I would. - Oh. Oh, sh... Okay.

Oh, my God.

How hard is it for you to stop offending people?

It's harder than you think.

There we go. You can still see the feathers. Damn it.

Ten minutes ago, I was in my bed, in my bonnet, with my tea.

And then, I get a call saying that as part of my new job,

that I gotta drive down here and reprimand our drunk hockey coach.

Well, he might not be drunk, but he is definitely buzzed.

Come here, real quick. I gotta tell you something.

Be better! Be better!

- He's drunk. - I don't wanna police him.

I don't want to police you.

I am begging you, please.

Get your shit together.

I'm trying, it's just nothing here makes sense.

My daughter doesn't want me to be around.

And I keep falling down hills.

Walt's assistant is creeping me out.

- I don't have time for this. - No.

Because you are busy, and I envy you for that.

I have so much time on my hands

that I got to read that book that your friend Ruby wrote.

And it is not my thing, honey.

Don't snap, Greg.

You know, everybody says college

is the best time of your life, but I think it stinks.

I wanna go home.

You sound like a college freshman.

Oh, yeah.

But you're not.

You're 60.

You want to go? Go.

I'm 57. And you're mean.

Come on! Go!

Yeah! Yeah!

So good! Everybody! So good!

So good!

Aw, you guys fuckin' suck balls!

Oh, fuck, who cares? Play on!

Bye-bye.