Original subtitles

[♪ soft mysterious music playing]

IN TRIBUTE TO MORRIS AND GOSCINNY

DON HERRERO'S RANCH

I see a lot of guests. Don Herrero.

-[in Spanish accent] Herrero. -Louise, that's three times now.

You wanted me to work on my Spanish.

You know, while you were fighting crime.

[both speak Spanish]

[in English] Can you talk about it later? We have a president to save now.

-El presidente. -[clicks tongue]

[sighs] It doesn't make any sense.

Elizabeth Zee wants to kill the president of the country

at a ranch in front of all these important people?

-Una hacienda. -It's not that bad an idea.

Throw a party in his honor, it opens a trapdoor.

-La fiesta. -Wow. Super discreet.

Why not the theater while we're at it?

No Spanish for that one?

Not right now. I can be a pain and unpredictable.

Anyway, we gotta get moving.

So I'll infiltrate, find Lincoln, and get him out.

You still think you can infiltrate alone?

Yeah, well, I can't go with you. A fancy party is too risky.

Yeah, I'll be recognized.

No, because of the flies.

You could infiltrate the barn, 'cause you smell.

You smell like a horse.

What? I don't... I don't smell like a horse.

That's not the point anyway.

As long as Zee and her goons are there, so will I.

Oh, fuck me.

-[both] Louise! -Sorry. Fudge me.

I figured out how we'll go in.

Two oldies, one young 'un who are always bickering.

We're gonna pass for a family.

[scoffs and chuckles nervously]

-No, we won't. -Gosh. Whatever, Louise.

I'll think of something. Wait.

-I'll think of something. -Yeah, of course you will.

What is that even supposed to mean?

-I don't know. Maybe the-- -Perfect!

That's the energy right there.

[♪ country western music playing]

CHAPTER VII THE PLOT

[muffled whimpering]

[♪ soft music playing]

Wow, that was quite a headbutt you gave him.

He was gonna scream.

Do you do that a lot?

Only if no one's looking.

Yeah, way to be an example.

[people chattering indistinctly]

[exhales hard] Let's go.

[♪ lively music playing]

[people laughing]

This is gonna be risky.

What is?

The mission or your outfit?

Oh, shut up.

Sure, Pa.

[♪ lively music continues playing]

We need to find an assassin in here and a president?

It'll be tense if there's a shootout.

I had to stash my Colts under this thing.

Well...

if the killer's hiding among the guards or the gunmen,

it'll give us some options.

In this room we've got Winchesters, a Schofield, a Peacemaker,

-and there's-- -Lincoln's security's not here.

-Must be on top. -I'm trying to scrutinize here.

-Let me finish. -We can co-scrutinize, no?

No. It tangles up the deductions.

-You can't work when there's two of us? -There's three. Two plus one. Thanks.

[glass shatters]

[steam hissing]

[Luke chokes]

[grunts]

Are you still trying to scrutinize?

[groans]

Oh, no.

He's dying.

Pepper?

Well, now we know the danger's in the buffet.

Good job, pro.

And speaking of pros, we need to find a cover.

[sniffles]

On the handkerchief, it says we're the Bells.

Bell?

Hang on.

As in Gabe Bell?

He's on the list.

He's in the conspiracy.

On the board over there, they've got the names.

Emmett Clayton, the oil magnate,

and Clara Brown of Willy and Brown banks.

They're also on the list.

[♪ mysterious music playing]

[Louise] So the entire first half of the list is here.

[Charlie] And the other half can't be far.

[Luke] So we're surrounded.

[Louise] Basically, we invited a turkey to Thanksgiving,

Lincoln is the turkey.

[Charlie] Thanksgiving, 'cause he's gonna get killed.

Uh, yeah, I know what a metaphor is.

The last person we meet is--

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[Finlay] Oh, we have new guests I haven't shaken hands with.

Stay right there. Stay right there.

Relax and smile.

-We're the Bells. -And what if he actually knows the Bells?

Howard Finlay of the Finlay Railroad Company.

-And you are? -Gabe.

Bell.

Mr. Bell. Of course! How did I not guess?

And obviously, you are...

-His daughter. -[Finlay laughs]

Wonderful. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Anyway, it's an honor

to finally put a face to one of the biggest donors of our cause.

Now, without further ado, allow me, sir, to present our wonderful leader. Hmm?

Mrs. Zee.

[♪ tense music playing]

Mrs. Zee, Governor of New Mexico.

[♪ tense music rises]

Mr. Bell and his lovely daughter.

[Zee] Pleasure to meet you.

[Luke grunts]

Do you work with horses?

[Finlay] No. Newspapers.

The Bells are the owners of the Borderland Herald.

Oh, sorry. Your perfume, it threw me for a second.

Isn't she adorable? [chuckles]

And if I remember correctly... [clears throat]

...they're from Galveston. Is that right?

-Exactly. -[Finlay] Just like you, Mrs. Governor.

That's why your family looks so familiar.

-I'm sure I must know who your mother is. -[Finlay] Oh, yes.

Uh, no, that would be impossible.

We're not from the Galveston in Texas, but... Galveston...

in England. Hmm.

You're visitors from the old world. Marvelous.

Marvelous.

Yes.

[♪ tense music builds]

Excuse me.

Funny manners, your daughter.

British education, I imagine.

-Please forgive her. -[Finlay chuckles]

Missing the old world.

Yes, well, aren't we all?

[inhales and exhales hard]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[Charlie] We have to stop her and find out what's going on here.

[♪ mysterious music playing]

Where's that waiter going?

Champagne on his tray.

I guess there's someone important.

Lincoln.

Find Louise. I'll follow him upstairs.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[cork pops]

[liquid pours]

[floorboard creaks]

Luke!

[exhales hard] Billy?

Are you getting me out of here?

What?

I know. I know.

I left and I shouldn't have.

But I couldn't stand being ignored by everyone anymore.

Even the wanted!

Except you.

You!

You're here.

You're saving me. Again.

Luke, you're amazing.

You're a mover and you shine and you even changed your wardrobe!

Billy. Billy. Billy, please, there's no time for that.

Now tell me in as few words as possible, what are you doing here?

Uh... I was in trouble.

Mmm, I saw this job post and they hired me here as a waiter.

Super. So concise.

Have you seen anyone who looks like the President of the United States?

Uh... No.

-You're not here for me, are you? -Billy, concentrate.

Fuck!

You come to see me, at the place where I work,

all for you to say you don't wanna see me--

-I didn't know you'd be here! -Way worse!

-Say you don't give a shit about me! -Obviously!

-[gasps] -No, no, no.

I mean, given the context of this conspiracy, obviously.

Gotcha.

-At least it's clear. -Billy.

Don't worry. I'll just get back to work.

For Don Herrero.

At least that man, he wants me.

Oh, wait, that's...

That's your Don Herrero?

[Billy] Yeah.

-[♪ dramatic guitar strums] -Oh, no.

Oh, my God, no.

It's okay. It's the petit fours.

They're spicy.

[Charlie] It's gonna be okay.

She's gonna pay for Toukom. I promise you, sweetie.

[♪ suspenseful music plays]

Something's going on.

The people on the list are leaving.

[Luke] Your Herrero, his name isn't actually Herrero.

It's Smith. Dean Smith.

A super-rich guy who went crazy

and thought he'd become emperor of the whole U.S.

[chuckles] Awesome.

Uh, well, no,

because the desperado who discovered the fake emperor had real weapons.

He played Smith.

Smith was gonna raze the whole town if someone didn't stop him.

Someone? You?

I don't want to brag. But, yeah.

I can't believe you just talked about yourself in the third person.

Someone who happens to be me stopped him.

-And went into exile in Mexico. -[door bangs open]

[man] Who could have gone into exile but me?

[♪ dramatic guitar strums]

Because I am Mexico. Me.

Manuel Felipe Juan-Miguel Pacifico Ramirez Herrero, emperor of Mexico.

Okay, he's no better.

What? We don't kiss the hand of the emperor?

So, no.

-Go on, kiss me. -No.

-Do it. -No.

-[speaks Spanish] -No.

[speaks Spanish]

[in English] All right, may we talk?

May we talk, "Your Highness"?

You're Emperor of Mexico!

I'm so surprised.

'Cause there's no emperor in Mexico. It's a republic.

Well, you must be confused with a different Mexico.

Come on, Smith, what's happening here?

I have come here on a diplomatic visit,

invited by a very close friend who wants me at her side,

Governor Zee,

to demand from this cucaracha Lincoln,

a revision of the borders.

-Wait. Lincoln's here? -Pero no.

I would never have received an enemy of Mexico in my second casa.

-Clearly not. -Shut up, Billy.

Whoa! Don't be shutting me up, man.

What do you think? Because your name's Lucky Luke,

-you can do whatever you want? -"Looky Luke?"

What is "Looky Luke?"

You've never heard of this man here?

Hero of the West. And a friend of Lincoln!

An enemy of Mexico?

Who was waiting for me in my office?

Coming in, sneaking upstairs,

getting away from people so you can... [gasps]

[speaks Spanish]

[in English] To subdue me. You've come...

You've come here to murder me. To assassinate me.

That's what you're doing here?

-That's enough of the delusions. -Get my guardias now!

[♪ mysterious music playing]

[Don Herrero] You stopped a man in a dangerous pursuit.

There would be mourning across all of Mexico if not for you.

You saved my life, Billy.

Ah. Uh...

-Okay. -[chuckles softly]

The very simple, yet wise words of a real hero.

I will make you...

head of the arsenal.

Marshal of the empire.

And Duke of Veracruz.

Billy... [speaking Spanish]

[♪ trumpet plays]

We've got the same one.

[chattering indistinctly]

[Louise] We can't hear anything. We need to get closer.

I might go myself. It's safer.

You go spy. I'll distract the guards at the entrance.

What do you mean?

-To give you cover. -I mean, how will you distract the guards?

That's easy.

A smile, a silly laugh, a woman's soft touch. I'm sure you get it.

[grunts] Smith.

You should end this madness.

Que, que, Smith? What is this Smith?

An insult in your language?

My language is your language. And Smith is your name.

We've known each other for years.

[speaking Spanish]

[in English] I've never in my life met a Looky Luke.

Unless you've been to Mexico, before on vacation.

Like the gringos do.

Listen to me. You're a gringo. You're not Mexican.

Allow me to present to you my imperial spokesman.

[groans]

[Charlie] Right. Go spy. I'll handle the guard.

But first, I want to show you a secret move.

What Luke showed you at the orphanage?

Against Ben?

Ben Rabbia? Yeah. But how do you know about that?

You. The young you in the dream world told me.

Okay, but Luke said you forgot everything.

I remember some of it.

So show me.

Imagine you're attacked like this.

Wait, what exactly did you see in the dream world?

I saw Toukom.

[♪ gentle music playing]

And I saw you there.

You were beautiful.

[chuckles softly]

You were happy. Happier than I've ever seen you.

All right, back to teaching me to smash someone's face.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Okay, so, one,

you want to shift your center of gravity forward,

get them off balance.

Two, you crush their foot.

And then I loosen my grip.

Three, you throw all the elbows that you can.

Right. That's it.

I love this mom-daughter moment.

-[Luke groaning] -[continues punching]

-Hmm. -[chuckles]

Mmm.

Yeah, I bet that hurt.

Un poquito.

[chuckles]

Un poquito.

Un poquito.

[in English] It's funny, right?

[glass shatters]

[steam hissing]

[gulps]

Bad petit four?

Oh, yeah, it's spicy when you're not Mexican, huh?

[groans] No, not a bit.

[grunts]

These are tears of...

emotion.

It reminds me of my childhood.

Of the food my grandma used to make.

-[sighs] -My grandmother...

[speaking Spanish]

[in English] Smith...

There's no time for that.

Zee is about to attack Lincoln. She's got some kind of plan.

But either way, she's manipulating you.

Que?

Manipulate me?

Me?

Ay caramba!

Mijo, no one manipulates me, okay?

I am unmanipulable!

There is no one more powerful on the continent.

I have the biggest hacienda, the biggest arsenal.

The most medals.

The biggest mustache.

-The largest wardrobe... -[Luke] The arsenal.

...the biggest buttons.

-Smith. -Que?

Please tell me you didn't bring your cannons here.

I did, yeah.

They're just like this. Only bigger.

And they go...

[speaking Spanish]

Boom!

Head of the arsenal.

Now, that's awesome.

[giggles]

[Zee] And with the other idiot's cannons,

we'll be taking down Lincoln, the parasite.

And finally proclaim New Mexico's independence.

[all applauding]

[laughs]

[Zee] New Mexico will be ours.

I'm going to show the map.

So, here we are.

These will be the new borders.

An eagle. It's classy.

All right, Finlay.

For the beak, we'll have to attack Amarillo and take part of Texas.

-But if we wanna be an eagle... -Finlay!

And then, I came up with the concept of building a wall around all of it,

to keep immigrants out.

The wall of the assailants.

-[Zee] Finlay. -Or "asses", to keep it short. Hmm.

Anyway now, we come up with a new name.

I got a mountain of ideas.

I'll brainstorm as I go.

The Even Newer New Mexico.

The Brand New New Mexico.

Or no, wait. New Mexico Two.

No, no, no. It's...

It's New Mexico Plus. The New Mexico!

-[Zee] Finlay. -Yeah?

[all exclaim in shock]

-[thuds] -[man breathes heavily]

Other suggestions?

Then gather your men.

We launch the final phase of the operation.

We load up the arsenal now...

-[man] Hey, you! -...and we head out to attack.

[man groans]

What was that?

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[Charlie grunts]

[Charlie] Zee isn't here tonight for Lincoln.

She's here for Herrero's cannons.

-We need to find Luke. -[gasps]

[Louise gasps]

You disappeared. I thought something happened to you.

Hey! Don't be hugging me just when it suits you.

-Billy... -Oh, you remember?

Because when I left, nobody called my name to come back.

I really was worried about you.

But I had to find my mother.

Well, you found her. Good job.

Anyway, mother-in-law, I'd like to talk to you about her upbringing.

Wait, why is he calling me that?

I'll explain later.

Right, Louise, Zee, Luke, it's urgent.

Oh, but I can't let you leave.

I'm a Duke now. Duke Billy. I've got responsibilities and titles.

-Waste of space. Listen. -[Louise gasps]

[Billy] No, you're gonna listen to me.

Your daughter walked all over me like garbage.

And what am I now?

A marshal of the empire. Head of the arsenal.

[whistles]

[guns cock]

You'll show some respect when I speak.

That's an order!

[Louise] Billy.

I played you, okay. You're right.

That wasn't fair to you.

I pretended it wasn't a big deal.

Because... Because I needed to find my mother.

And that was noble.

But I was wrong.

Because even for a noble cause you don't trample on people's hearts.

Forgive me.

[♪ gentle music playing]

I just want someone to love me.

I know.

Though you've got to love yourself first, Billy.

And not let airheads like me steal your horse and screw with you.

You don't need a bunch of medals.

You don't need any of that.

Because if you're just Billy...

that's all you need to be.

[Charlie] Let us explain, Billy.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[chokes]

[men chattering indistinctly]

[multiple guns firing]

-[bombs exploding] -[men groaning]

Mmm, Senor Duke.

We're taking a little break.

Your empireness, you gotta know.

Mmm?

Those two women are Luke's accomplices.

Spies sent by Abraham Lincoln.

-Dios mío! -Except...

their mission is not to kill you,

but to protect you.

Because Abraham Lincoln is not your enemy, Don Herrero.

He's your brother, actually.

[Don Herrero] Que?

[speaks Spanish]

You two were... separated at birth.

And...

And...

You were on a cruise.

Down the Rio Grande.

-That's it. -Mmm-hmm. Which turned out bad.

-Oh, the shipwreck. -Mmm.

At the age of two, you climbed in...

Into a barrel of guacamole.

And after that, you crossed the border on your own,

-fighting through the water. -In the guacamole?

-[Billy] Yes! -Mmm-hmm.

[Luke] Abraham's been looking for you ever since.

-And there you go. -That's the reason

he toured all over America,

risking life and limb.

Zee and her gang are a big threat.

They manipulated you...

so that you'd strike your own flesh and blood.

[Luke] You always knew it deep inside.

Am I right?

That you were...

different.

So what do you think, Mr. Herrero?

No.

It's Mr. Lincoln, my son.

[men clamoring in distance]

[gasps]

[clamoring grows louder]

[♪ heroic music playing]

My men! My cannons!

No!

Louise!

[laughs maniacally]

[Louise gasps]

[grunts]

[breathes heavily]

Billy...

Billy, no.

[Billy wheezes]

[Louise] Oh. Oh!

Oh, please, wake up.

[Billy groans softly]

[Louise] Please.

Wake up. Come on. Right now.

Oh. Oh. Hey!

[♪ melancholic music playing]

No.

What did you kiss me for?

Is that the spirit of the West?

Do you have feelings now for the guy you conned in the marriage?

[chuckles]

[wheezes]

Do you feel butterflies, too?

I might, yeah.

You might, huh?

Those are the most beautiful words I've ever heard.

[Luke] Billy.

[♪ melancholic music continues playing]

[sword clatters]

DISAPPEARANCE OF A GREAT VOICE OF THE PRESS IN ALBUQUERQUE

THE REFORMIST MASTER AND HIS FAMILY DIE IN A FIRE

Billy's going to get through it.

[Luke] Herrero is looking after him.

What are you doing?

[Charlie] I'm looking for clues for where they might have gone.

Mom?

Look.

[Charlie] The Sandia Crest gorges.

Ten kilometers from Albuquerque.

Everybody coming from the east has to pass through there.

[Louise] Like a president who comes to New Mexico from Texas.

It's the perfect place to ambush the presidential escort.

And now Zee has cannons.

And an army of desperados.

The second half of your list.

Matthew White, Thomas Nice, Steven Pueblo and others.

They're all bandits.

I didn't realize 'cause we refer to these men

as Dark Matt, Bad Tom, Evil Steven.

I had this gang locked up at the prison in San Pedro.

San Pedro.

San Pedro!

Wait. This man.

Zee was seeing him frequently in secret.

I had some guys follow him to where he works.

He runs the prison in San Pedro.

[Louise] Zee bribed him to help them escape.

[Charlie] She's assembling a battalion of killers.

[gasps softly]

[breath trembling]

Luke, you okay?

The last name on the list.

Chris Manson. It's him.

Him who? Who is he?

[Luke] They...

-call him Lightning. -[gunshot echoes]

[♪ soft dramatic music playing]

[young Luke wheezes]

Don't worry, cowboy.

I'll let you live.

But it will be worse.

[♪ gentle music playing]