Original subtitles

Whiperwill flies about.... 27 miles an hour.

That what you thought it woulda been? -Sure.

I'd a thought more like... 31 or something. -Hm

32

God damn that's a pisser

Normally I could look at anything.

Tell you exactly how fast it's goin' within 2 miles per hour... -It's fascinating.

I'm gonna...

Get the fuck outta the way cocksucker!

Mornin' mayor

Hi, how're ya'll doing?

Easy come, easy go

When Darwin said fittest...

He didn't necessarily mean the strongest

Or the most intelligence or any one trait

He merely meant those oraganism most well suited to their environments

Now, we humans

We think we're more fit

More evolved because

We're smarter, We're neophytes

We've only been on this earth 2 million years, give or take

The cockroach, that fella's been around 350 million years

So based on that which of us is the more successful species

Lots of folks build houses on unsafe ground

The erosion of Cambodia is some of the worst, my friends wanted to buy a house there but...

Hey, c'mon

Hey Grant

Later Hank

He's teaching evironmental studies, he's gonna borrow one of my lesson plans

Oh, I know what he want's to borrow

And I ain't lendin'

Come on you little varmits

That's it

See you guys later - That's it

That's one match I'll never get

Ain't no mystery... Starla's raisin' them shanties off St. Luke dirt poor

All she ever wanted was to be a lady

Ol' Grant Grant, he's always been made of green

Gold digger, huh? - Oh hell Margeret

Starla's mother left her, her daddy's a drunk, she's 17 years old

Old Grant pulls up, big old cadillac, house on a hill

And college tuition, what would you do?

- Hell, if he'd had a gina you'd a married him too - What's a "gina"?

It's a country

You know where "Ginese" people come from

Learn to easedrop better Zack, Hell! Your mother's waitin' over there

What the hell you doing here?

Scoot, Scoot!

Sugerplum! You comin' to bed?

Oh yeah

You know what baby?

I'm just not really in the mood

Come on babydoll, it's been long time we both need it

l know l'm just...

Baby come on now l don't just have some switch

Sure you do!

That's disrespectful

Come on now, l just playing with you!

Come on baby!

Why don't you just work one out for yourself there

Oh honey l'm just not in the mood, can't you tell?

When the hell are you in the mood?

Where you going?

Out... for a walk!

Grant, baby

Uh, yeah, hit me again there killer

Meagen Montgomery's little sister

You kidding me - Nope!

Brenda

My sister Meagen, she was a big fat old cow and I be thinking

What's he see in her that ain't me

Shit, come on now

You couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 - Hell, I was game

l'll give you a ride - Alright!

Come on! - Where we going?

Get over here!

What l tell you

l had a crush on you

Oh yeah look at that

Your initials "B M"

Just like a piece of shit! - Shut up!

At least I don't got the same last name as first

You ain't nothing but a little turd girl

wait! wait! wait! -Oh Grant

I can't

Starla

She gets a little worried about me

if I'm out too late

I'm sorry

l gotta to go

Starla, yeah shit! Go

What is it?

I dunno

There's a trail.

Ah, oh that's gross

Come on!

Come on!

Come on, Grant - Wait!

What the fuck?

Oh God!

Grant?

Are you okay?

You okay?

Meat

Morning baby

We have'nt heard this song for a while

l was hoping it could be uh...

peace pipe

l'm sorry about last night

l don't mean to push you away

and make you feel rejected

I do want to be a good wife

You're crying

Baby, what's this?

Just a little bug bite

What are you so smiley about?

Nothing

Grant and I had a good morning and it's been a while.

You slut!

You're a married woman

It just Grant, I dunno, it's like.

It was like he was discovering all these different parts of my body, you know like...

like little boy or something.

l'm telling you this morning I sensed a real change in Grant

Meat meat meat

Howdy, Mr. Grant

Oh hey there killer - What can I do ya for?

Give me couple of your rib eyes - How many you need?

Eight

No, ten

No, no, you know what?

How... Give me 14.

Having a party?

Yeah some like that.

It's a ittle surprised for the wife.

Grant!

What's this lock doing on the door?

Baby, you drilled right into the frame, it's all busted up

Sugerplum, you really think you sould be asking so many questions when it's so close to your birthday

My birthday is not for 2 months

That's close

not really

matter of opinion

Grant, I'm jumping in the shower. Baby we need to leave in 40 minutes

Oh

What're you doing?

Nothing, l got. l got to go to work, l... left something at work

What?

Grant, Deer Cheer starts in about an hour and you promised me

Gotta go, gotta go to work!

l'll meet you there!

l will never understand what joy a

Grown man gets using a thousand dollar weapon to blow the face off a cute little deer

surprised you're able to lift a mug you been carrying that torch for so long

That remind me of something I wanted to tell you

What's that? -Fuck you fatass!

Grant!

Damn girl!

You are chocolate for the eyes!

I thought maybe you was dead after the other night

l am dead

Don't I look it?

The old half Mexican around? - At his momma's for the weekend, I'm all alone

'sides this 'un

Hmm

Hey - Hi! -Scared ya? -Hey, Bill...

What you doing? - Oh nothing just...

trying to get buzz on but l can't

I'm too buff, got too much muscle mass

Oh really?

Congratulations, by the way - thank you!

Yeah on the promotion Chief, yeah

-sounds wierd doesn't it? - No, sounds nice

So where's old Grant?

I don't know he was supposed to meet me here but...

It's kinda chilly tonight -Yeah, Sure is purdy

It's probably time for the countdown, almost - Right

Yeah, think Jack'll make a speech or something...

That'll be interesting

Thank you!

l would like to introduce Mayor Jack McCreedy

Thank you!

Cheese and crackers - Ladies and gentleman

Right after God invented this world of ours

He came unto Adam

and He said that man sould have dominion

over the fish in the sea

and over the birds in the air

And over every living thing that moveth upon the Earth

Now, I believe...

when God say that!

He was thinking of deer season and Wheelsy how much damn fun it is to shoot a buck or two

Are you ready? - Yeah!!!

Ten

Nine!

Eight!

Seven!

Six!

Five!

Four!

Three!

Two!

Oh God, Grant!

Let's the hunt begin!!!

Grant? What is...

Grant you know about this fuse?

Grant why didn't you answer your phone?

Grant?

Oh my God, Baby what happen to your face?

lt just a bee sting

l'll be alright

I had a little reaction, that's all

We gotta get you to the hospital - No, no no

I already saw doctor Carl... gave me prescription. Said-

"it should clear up soon"

He said "things like this happen...

happens to people all the time"

Come one baby, don't...

don't look at me like that

Yes, hi Dr. Carl

This is Starla Grant

Oh Starla, How are you?

l'm fine, thank you, l was calling about...

about Grants condition, l think it maybe getting worse

What condition is that, dear?

The one you just saw him about

Starla, I haven't seen your husband in

over a year

Oh what's the matter!

Come on now, don't cry

now look here, you're doing a good job!

l'm so hungry, l think I'm gonna die!

No, here l'm got something here

help ya feel better

Brought you munchies

Come on now, treat yourself!

Hey Starla - Hey!

Bill, Wally - Hi!

Grant around by any chance? - Oh no, he's not home from work yet

Mr. Grant! - He's not home yet Wally, I just said

What's going on?

Do you know Brenda Gutierrez

Maybe she called the house... - No

Girl disappeared Friday night

Signs of struggle in the house

Here in town

Yeah the thing is...

people saw Grant goin into her house

And that's the last thing they seen of her

It must have been someone that looks like Grant

Yeah, maybe

have him give me a call as soon as he gets in

Alright - Thanks

Good night - Good night!

No no no

Bill, it's Starla, you were just here

and you need to get back here right now!

Grant is sick or something...

Why you running from me baby?

I wasn't gonna hurt you!

I love you baby I tried not to change

I get it, I'm too ugly for you now, is that it?

You don't want to hurt me

You betrayed me I cant trust you no more

Here I got a little surprise for you huh sugerplum

Starla!

Starla you in here?

Starla, you alright?

Whoa, stop!

What the fuck was that?

Bunch of fucking morons I don't know how any of em got elected

they blame me for it like I...

Bill, Bill we need to talk

Shit!

Morning Jack

we need to find this Grant, I mean yesterday

town council's lit a roman candle stuck it up my ass

Jack your leisure activities ain't my business - Hey don't you fuck with me Bill

your post here as chief is in dire straits

nobody wants to go huntin in a town with a pet murderer and kidnapper

We'll find him Jack

ain't many places he can hide looks like a damn squid

Sea world maybe

She heard you say squid she gonna go out and create a goddamn hysteria

Shelby you gonna create a hysteria? - Not today Bill!

What's this?

I thought we could use it like a police sketch, chief

You know, take it door to door see if anybody recognizes him

Ya'll show some respect, right now

And you! You don't know what was in there you said it was dark, you don't know what the hell you saw

His arm was all bendy mayor -well it's obvious the bastards got...

Lime disease! - What? - lime disease

you touch some deer feces and then ya

eat a sandwich without washing your hands

you got your lime disease

and makes you look like a squid

Oh well fuck you all for laughing

Chief, another attack over at the Catovettes

What?

Grants been stealing animals off farms edge of town

Alright folks lets go dont forget your guns

we don't any lime disease popping out at us

Oh ho ho, ha ha fucking ha

I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calenders on his desk

just dont strike me as a real dog lover is all

Hey! Look

Knocked this one's head clear on over here

put that down numbnuts

he drug the cow through here

How can one man do that?

Slay all them dogs by himself?

Well, he's gotta be in the forest

all 3 ranches run along side it -I think we should get up a posse

And head in there

lt's hundred thousand acres, be like finding a needle in a fuckstack

Gather some folks together

think I know where dr doolittle's gonna strike next

right after grant ran off a cat went missing from here

Ranglin's ranch!

Two nights ago a mare was stolen

from this property owned by Fitzgibbon that rancher with the cleft pallet

l know that guy, he looks like a chipmunk

your momma weren't too proud when you came out neither Wally

And then we got the Castovettes right here

that's where last nights shitstorm took place

and if he keeps that pattern next he's gonna end up here

Owned by a family called the Stripmeyers

l know you're all tired and barely seen your families

but we're gonna have to go there tonight lie low

And wait

well let's go get that son of a bitch chief

-yeah -yeah

alright boys

here's my little darlin

there she is

hey bill we got his grenade we confiscated from them jokers wanting to use it to fish for trout

no, we should be alright with all we got

not another ruskies we're invading

You seen this guy, you'd a wish they was

Just give me one second

Bill, l heard you going to get Grant.

yeah we uh - l think l should go with you

well go? honey, no

Bill you need to let me help -look i aint that wells on police procedure

but im sure theres a heap of regulations against taking a civilian on a stakeout

I should have seen it coming this is my fault

it aint your fault he tried to kill you

he had all those physical symptons he was acting peculiar

Starla, thank you -I was just trying ot pretend it wasn't happening

Starla I apperciate the offer but I can't!

If that girl's still out there How you gonna find her?

How? Unless you bring Grant back alive

Your best...

your only chance of doing that is with me

she's got a point

You all done honey? -Oh, thank you

Hey come on now!

Colly what did you do to your fingers?

Terry Chy done 'em she's Japanese

yeah? looks more like that Pokeman done em to me

foreign stuff is classy if you knew you knew something

oh there's Jack

l want all of you stay inside tonight, you hear!

Hey Otis!!!

this turns out to be a mountain lion we're gonna look like a bunch of damn idiots

this would be a good night to chase some pussy wouldn't it?

how about that deputy Margeret

you got a little deputy thing

going on with you two?

Margeret packs a box lunch

No shit?

Hey Starla

you remember that time we were kids

you came knockin at my window in the middle of the night

so Starla here's 12

I guess i was 14

i said Starla "what the hell you doing out there"

she says She's gonna run away to Hollywood and be a big star

and she knew i was in the ROTC so she says she needs a bodyguard

and invites me to come along

and i said "starla...

lf theres anyone could can take herself

i'd think it's you

i'm gonna have to decline

how far'd you get

bout the bus stop

cuz ranger rick here called my dad.

damn, a cop from the get go

you sonuvabitch

fucked up our fame and fortune there bill pardy

Yeah

Yeah i guess maybe i did

You said "squid"

it got worse

it looks like somethingn that fell off my dick during the war

hey hey

Grant?

Ho-ly

Shit!

what are we gonna do now Bill?

cuffs wont even fit on him

Starla where you...?

Grant!

lt's okay Grant

You're just sick is all

you're just sick

We're just here...

to take you to get some help

Right now!

and i'm gonna stay by you

Just like l swore l would!

for better or worse

much fucking worse

Grant!

marriage is a scared bond

right baby?

lt's gonna be alright, Grant

Just come with us

stop right there you son of a bitch

now i don't care what kind of leprosy you got

we need to find that girl

now you can make this peaceful

Or you can make it hard!

slowly on my tail, do not lose him in the woods

come on out you cocksucker

what are you? some little pussy you afraid?

Pyschology!

Over there!

where'd he go?

now we aint never gonna find that girl

Starla get the hell out of here!

What's that smell? - Something dead

it's coming form in there aint it? I think he's inside

Oh!

Something wrong with me

Uh...Yeah

Oh Jesus!!! God!

Brenda.

well i didn't want no one seeing me like this

how's my boy Bill? is he alright?

your boys fine Brenda

so...

What's going on here, exactly?

l'm so fucking hungry, Bill

l'm so hungry, l never knew anyone could be so hungry.

would you mind... handin me... a piece

of that possum over there?

just a little bit

l think we best get you to a hospital right quick

What the fuck they gonna do with her in a hospital Bill?

Shut up

Jesus

Why is she doing that?

a tortoise is movin'

Relax!

somebody get her to stop doing that shit

it hurts bitch

the little fuckers are tearin me apart

the bastard led us here

Margeret cover your mouth don't let them in your mouth

they tried to get into my mouth

what kind of thing wants you to eat it?

Kelly honey you're gonna turn into a plum in there - Prune mama.

plums turn into prunes

i know what turns into what

so wont you finish and get yourself into bed, you hear?

Time to turn in ladies

just a couple more pages, Mom

No!

Besides you know what day tomorrow is - Family fun day - That is correct!

So good night!

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bed bug bites.

Good night, Mom! -Goodnight

Shelby come in

11-41, I need paramedics out here right away I got 4 men down

Shelby are you there

Shelby we got an emergency here, This is Bill

Oh crud

Shelby.

This is no time for a break Shelby I mean it

Shelby -They alive?

Praise Jesus!

Praise Jesus?!

That's fucking pushing it!

this shits about as far form god as shit can get!

either of you ever seen anything like that?

you ever heard of anything like that?

Huh?

me neither

and I watch animal planet all the fucking time!

I got no reception out here

I gonna run back to the car and try to call the paramedics from there

that's a long way with those worms out there

yeah well nice change of pace from human deer

Alright you three get this folks out of the barn all the rotten stench can't be doing em any good

you take this

i got my colt

Be careful - Yeah, theres a thought

You know what this is.

lt's god damn biological weapons

That's what it is.

Govenment's testing em on Wheelsy You know why?

Cause I don't take no shit form nobody at those state hearings

they want to bukkake Jack McCreedy

they can kiss my ass!

if this shit contagious and i turn into fucking mollusk

l'm gonna sew those bastards i swear to god

and you can sew right along side of me i don't care if you're a lesbo

you don't deserve this shit

It's like..oh man... smells like rotten mayonaise

Hi sugerplum!

Marriage, it's a scared bond

just like you said

What?

I'm sorry for trying to strangle you and all

I lost my ...head

i didn't mean to do none of them things i done

Not...

Kill them ...pets!

Not make Brenda...

a womb

But it was my n- nature aint it?

how can you blame someone for acting ac-

-cording to his own nature

l wanted to tell you what was going on, but...

l was afraid you wouldn't love me no more

l never knew love Strala

Wally, you alright?

maybe you'd better sit back down! you don't look so good

Hey!

Kylie honey you ok?

hi kylie it's me

open the door jellybean come on kylie

open the door

we love you sweetheart come on out now open the door

get away

y'all get away

kylie there no excuse not to be with your family this is family funday isn't it kylie

Y'all better just sit back down

you need to get some rest

You're sick!

meat!

Let her go!

Y'all just take step back now, alright?

There you go, sugerplum

Why you accusing the kents 'fore you...

-here both sides of the story -hear both sides of the story

Why you talking like Grant?

'cause I am Grant

-l'm your husband! -I'm your husband!

you swore to honor and obey me

So put that goddamn gun down!

Stay away from her!

it burns! what the...

Get away from her, -meat

Get away from her l am gonna shoot you l swear to the God!

You aint gonna shoot me starla, l told you..

You always needed me to protect you!

You for damn sure I ain't got the balls to..

Christ on a cross

uncle grants gonna show you a good time girl

open this door you little whore

dont mess with me you little slut

kylie this is your last chance

little bitch! - Hey!

What's going on?

the hell you doing?

Hey hey easy easy!

What the hell happen to you Otis?

poinson ivy out back maybe

We're itchy

no they're not my parents they're trying to trick you

The worms are in their brains

Alright look! Y'all stay right there on the spot

i'm gonna call the paramedics come help you

And kylie's gonna come with me

hey there killer!

Starla's my woman you bitch

what's with the spitting?

margeret come in margeret are you there?

chief go go there gonna get in

my friends are still out there... Trevor?

what the heck is going on?

bitch is hardcore

Get in the car!!!

Go!!!

Starla! Starla!

So.. how's everybody's evening?

good?... Good

thanks

Shelby

Shelby you there?

hey chief how ya doing?

Did you found that...

There's a 'squiter in here driving me bonkers

Shelby you seen any of these...

l don't know what to call them... like big slugs, only they're fast

No slug!

But your mama call she said

the toilet's all backed up again wants you come over soon as you're finished there.

Alright, sweet heart listen I need you to listen to me just a second okay

She said it's what you done in there on sunday what caused the back up.

Alright listen l need to get the CDC on the horn for me ok

Shelby are you nodding?

Uh yeah sorry, I'll get you right back.

theres a big tree in front yard and

the roots got into pipes and messes with the whole system on the way to the main

she uses lots of paper

Where is the Mr. Pib?

l told your secretary to pack Mr. Pib it's the only coke I like

Goddamn Brenda's bloatin like a water baloon?

worms driving my firends around like they goddamn skingaurd people

are spitting acid at me turn ya into cottage cheese

and now there no fucking goddamn mr. pib

jesus christ jack let me get right on it

it was me I became it

him, part of him

who?

Mrs. Grant's toasting.

but he wasn't always him

he came from...

he a goddamn martian

martians is from mars jack

or it's a general term meaning outer space fucker

no it isn't -look it up cocksucker

enough

Kylie!

honey, what do you mean?

his real face looks like a needle

the way he always got antoher

he goes form place to place worlds, planets

killing them some he gets pregnant

others he just takes over with his forms

and the rest he eats till they're gone

Now he's here

l've seen this worms

these worms in thier brains now you saying they're all connected?

it's like they're all one deal

an animal that doesn't procreate

it spreads grows

absorbing the minds and bodies of the organisms around it

lt's a conscious disease

if i weren't about to shit my pants i'd be fucking fascinated

we're back everythings gonna be okay.

Shelby did you get the CDC for me we're at the city limits

Welcome back...killer

got a little surprise for the lot of you

just right around the corner

starla starla

Starla! Let her go! Jesus!

-Meat

Chief? Come on, come here

Stay here Jack wake up

wake up -hurry

stay here

worms beat us here

alright, there's a grenade in that station

now, if I use that to destroy Grant he's the center of the whole system, right?

does that mean the whole thing will be destroyed?

Maybe - Maybe?

Okay!

Okay!

You wait here, alright, stay hid I'll be back

This is Chief Pardy

l can't!

Fuck me

Hey...motherfucker!

We got to go!

Once one sees us they all see us

Take this, here!

Sweetie don't look, don't look

What are we gonna do now?

Probabaly turn into a couple of these fucked up things

that's kind of negative

well it's been that sorta day

Thank you for saving my ass back there

Your welcome

Course when I tell that story it's gonna be the other way around

What do you mean? - Like l saved to you.

Yeah if we live -right

now, they're dragging these bodies due north do you think that'll lead us to Mrs. Grant?

You like her don't you?

Come on!

Who's there?

Bill?

Starla?

Hello?

Do you look at me like that

Don't you just see?

got no idea what it's like to be this hungry

i just ate a pig and I still want more

Damn republicans gotta run all you republicans outta town

Your said "for better or worse" you lied

bitch, slut, whore

there's the worms...

that's where they're bringing the bodies

probably new breeders feed them inside

oh my god, that's Grant

that's where they're joining together

well now, that is some fucked up shit

There's Starla

you stay here

no, l ain't staying here by myself

Alright, come on!

You tried to kill me and run off with Pardy

you just want to fuck him now cause he's so good looking

I'll keep growing till I'm everywhere till I'm all that is

then you'll know what it feels like to be betrayed won't you sugerplum?

i'm sorry

i'm sorry I just thought you were trying to kill me

and you can't expect me not to go through...

...some adjustments

after all these changes

You done a real nice job decorating baby

you like these memories?

yeah I know you don't want to hurt me Grant

you like being called Grant don't you?

i can do that i can call you that

cause you're lonely right?

you been alone so long I can't even imagine, i bet

you don't have to be alone anymore

cause you and I we could be together

I never had much use for this world anyway

i can stay with you while you do what you need to do

cause it's you nature

and i see that now

i'm here for you

Kill me Pardy

Please!

...i'v been around a billion years you think you can fuck with me?

yep

Shit!

Shoot him!!!

Bill

Bill...

Bill!

That really hurt.

Are you alright?

We need both of them things in you to get all womby

oh that's Awesome!

bet you regret not running off with me to hollywood now 'ey bill?

hell Starla

I've always regretted that

bet ya phil's just a few miles down the 10

got that hospital there with the big green steeple thingy up top

hey Kylie why don't you

tell Mrs. Grant that story about how I saved you from that deer

Oh yeah, Bill saved me from a deer

Oh yeah?