All language subtitles for Blood Diner 1987 720p BluRay FLAC 2.0 x264-DON.SDH

[ Music playing ]

♪ Crazy, crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, crazy over you ♪

♪ Umbadododo ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, crazy over you ♪

♪ Crazy ♪ - ♪ Ooh doo wa ♪

♪ I tell you that I'm crazy ♪

- ♪ Ooh wa... ♪
- ♪ So crazy that I'm hazy ♪

- ♪ Doo wa ♪
- ♪ Crazy over you ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, crazy,
crazy over you ♪

♪ Ooh, crazy ♪ - ♪ Ooh wa ♪

♪ Without you, dear, I'm crazy ♪

- ♪ Ooh wa... ♪
- ♪ So crazy that I'm hazy ♪

- [ding]
- ♪ Crazy over you ♪

WOMAN: Kids! I can't...

Where are
those little shit-heads?

There you are.
Now pay attention.

[song continues in background ]

[ Heavy breathing ]

I'll be back in 20 minutes.

- [song continues]
- [ heavy breathing ]

Don't open the door.
Don't let anyone in.

Going to the market.

Ran out of goddamn tampons.

MAN ON RADIO:
We interrupt this program

to give you
an important news bulletin.

A suspect in the Happy Times
All-Girls Glee Club slaying

has fled the scene
and managed to elude the police.

He is armed and dangerous

and has been spotted
in the Westside area

armed with a meat cleaver
in one hand

and his genitals in the other.

We urge all residents to stay
inside and lock your doors

until the suspect
has been apprehended.

We now return you
to your normal programming

for your listening pleasure.

[ New song ] ♪ Oh, love ♪

♪ Will make your mind go wild ♪

♪ Make your mind go wild ♪

Okay, George, I'm ready.
Go get Spunky.

- [whines]
- Okay, Mike.

[ Heavy breathing ]

Aw, come on, George.

Stop fooling around.

[song continues in background ]

[Spunky growls]

Here, Mikey.

[ Cat yowls ]

Look deep into my eyes, Spunky.

You are under my power.

You'll do as I say.

- [cat meows]
- [footstep ]

♪ Make your mind go wild ♪

[doorknob rattling ]

[ Door splintering ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

BOTH: Uncle Anwar! Uncle Anwar!

[wheezes ]

And how are
my two favorite nephews?

Great, Uncle Anwar.
I've been practicing my hypnotism

exactly as you said to
in your book.

Well, that's fine, Michael.
That's very fine.

And what about you,
George Forge'?

Look, Uncle Anwar. Yum yum.

Ah, why, George, you are going
to be a great chef one day.

Honestly, that looks good enough
to eat. Heh heh.

♪ I have a surprise for you ♪

[whispering ]
You remember the story

I told you
about the ancient Lumerians?

MIKE: And the goddess Sheetar.

Boy, that's our favorite story!

These are for you to keep.

- [sirens approaching ]
- Absolutely genuine...

- Ooh.
- Lumerian amulets.

Take good care...

for they are
over 5 million years old.

[over megaphone] Anwar Namtut...

- Wow! Keen!
- We know you're in there!

I'm afraid your Uncle Anwar

- is in a bit of a pickle...
- Detective Paul Stanton...

so I'll have to go
and straighten things out.

What's the matter, Uncle Anwar?

I want you to promise me

you will never forget me
or all the things I taught you.

And study your book hard
for Sheetar.

Can't you stay and play?

DET. STANTON:
We have the house surrounded.

No. Got to go.

Love you, boys.

We know you're in there!

Time's up, Anwar!
We're coming in!

There he is.

Hold your fire.

Drop the cleaver, Anwar!

SECOND POLICEMAN: He's coming!

ANWAR: Sheetar!

[gunfire]

[ Clock ticking ]

[ Shovel scrapes ]

[ Thunder crashing ]

[ Branches crack]

[grunts] Hey.

[giggles]

[ Men laughing ]

MAN: Shh.

[ Shovel scraping ]

GUARD: What's going on?

[digging continues]

Hey, what's going on?

Uhh!

- [guard spits]
- Boo.

Bull's-eye!

Hey, Mikey.

Come on, Georgie.
Stop screwing around.

We have work to do
for Uncle Anwar.

What now, Mikey?

Okay. Open up the coffin.

Sit him up.

Whoa. [ Exhales ]

You see? He's happy to see us.

MICHAEL: Give me the hacksaw.

Damn thing's stuck. Georgie,
give me a hand, will ya?

Whoo!

We got it.

[laughs]

What now, Mikey?

"The resurrection from the veil
of chaos and darkness

has come again, Sheetar."

- ls it working, Mikey?
- I don't know.

This type of thing
hasn't even been tried since...

BRAIN: 5 million years,
you morons.

And how are
my two favorite nephews?

- Anwar? Uncle Anwar?
- Of course.

- It's Anwar. Anwar.
- Who do you think it is?

Oh, it's Anwar! We did it!

- Uncle Anwar!
- We did it!

We did it! Georgie, it's us!

ANWAR:
Quit fucking around, you two!

- We have work to do.
- It's... Mikey!

[ Babbling ]

Oh, my God.
Oh, I can't believe it.

Oh, my God.

[telephone rings]

- [ Police radio chatter]
- [ ringing ]

Grave robbers,
maniac grave robbers,

and it isn't even Halloween yet.

What do you make of it, Mark?

Beats me, Chief.

Seems like the work
of pathological weirdos.

Without doubt, your most
understated deduction to date,

my friend, but... but where
are the clues?

Can't say I found any.

I interviewed
the watchman's daughter,

good-looking babe.

She said he didn't have
an enemy in the world.

Damn good thing he didn't.

As it was, his eyeballs
were popped out of his head,

and the rest of his body
was hacked to bits

and strewn about
like some ungodly jigsaw puzzle.

There's gotta be some clues
here somewhere, Chief.

We just gotta
put the pieces together

and see what we've got.

[sighs] You're right, Mark.

You're always right

and a damn good detective,
too, I might add.

But when
you've been on the force

as long as I have,
you begin to develop

a sixth sense
about the diabolical.

It kind of slinks down
surreptitiously

and grabs you by the shorts.

Lately, I've had
this strange premonitive feeling

about some inevitable event
of cataclysmic proportions

which is looming ahead of us.

[telephone rings]

You need help.
I'm assigning you a new partner,

- a rookie from New York.
- Ohh!

She broke the enema bag
rapist case wide open

posing as a sex surrogate.

You are now anointed disciples
of Sheetar.

If you follow
my instructions carefully,

we will be able to resurrect

the goddess Sheetar
from the dead.

You must be disciplined
and prepare for a mission

far more taxing than anything
you have ever confronted.

What the hell are you
gawking at, you idiots?

Remember the night
I came to see you?

That night, on this mission,
I lost my genitals and my life

because of lack of discipline
with the glee club girls.

I couldn't stop myself
from indulging!

You boys must stay solid!

This is a mission I failed
to accomplish in my lifetime.

You, my nephews,
must construct Sheetar

from the body parts
of many immoral girls,

but this is just the start.

In order to raise her
from the dead,

a ceremony must take place.

Michael, find a virgin

to sacrifice to Sheetar
at the ceremony.

George, you must cook
a blood buffet.

That will summon the goddess

to take over the body
you have constructed for her.

NEPHEWS: Sheetar. Sheetar.

ANWAR: An immortal goddess
more powerful than Superman.

[laughs]

We will use your diner
to find our victims.

I will do the choosing.

Sheetar, help us.

MAN ON TV: Makes
quite a thing out of it.

[cheering on TV]

Trying to break
that bridge of Montclair's.

[ Monkey hooting ]

[ TV chatter continues
in background ]

- [ Music playing ]
- [jungle animals calling]

[diner gulping]

WOMAN: Come on, Connie.

All you have to do
is take your top off.

All you do is show your tits.
No big deal.

We need your answer now, Connie.

Are you gonna do it?

I told you
she's a little fraidy-cat.

Come on, Clarice.
We can do it without her.

Oh, I can't believe this.

Listen, when I started
as head cheerleader,

I decided we'd all be
vegetarians. Fine.

Then another vegetarian
cheerleader group came up,

so I added aerobics.

Last month, some other school
added aerobics...

Oh, my God!
I'm getting a ticket!

DINER: I hate wrestling.
Turn that damn TV down!

I'm sick to my stomach,
God damn it.

- Shit. [Groans]
- [diner burping]

GEORGE: Son of a... [muttering]

ANNOUNCER:
Apparently not hurt by it.

Just kicked out. Get himself...

I'd like to wrestle
that sideshow freak.

ANWAR: George? George!

George, is that you?

Yes, Uncle. You miss me?

George,
get your fat ass over here,

and get this off me.

Good morning, Uncle.

[ Chuckles ]

What the hell
are you gawking at?

Get me over to the window,
you numskull!

That's a better view
for you, Uncle.

Hmm...

slim pickings.

[laughs]

ANWAR: What an idiot.

Hey, Georgie!

Georgie, quit goofing off,
and get to work, will you?

Sheetar, help us.

[diner coughing]

Sorry, Mikey.

[diner burping]

Excuse me.

That's the best
frigging veggie burger

I've had
in a son of a bitch long time.

Yes, sir,
damn good veggie burger.

- Here you go.
- If I didn't know better,

I'd swear there was
some meat in it.

I'm an expert on veggie burgers.

I've eaten them
all across America.

I've eaten in some
of those health-food hangouts

where the soup
ain't fit to piss in.

[ Burps] You're Michael Tutman,

- ain't you?
- Yeah.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Tutman.

My name's Horatio Titus,

but my friends
call me Vitamin, see?

[laughs] Get it? Vitamin C.

[ Burps]

Pleased to meet you, Mr. C.

Hell, you can call me Vitamin.

[cash register rings]

Was everything okay?

I noticed you hardly
touched your food.

It was really good.
I'm just upset, that's all.

Let me let you in
on a little secret

about those
so-called friends of yours.

A couple of years ago,
they used to all come in here

dressed up like "Flashdance",
and they looked really stupid.

[laughs]

Can I put you
on our mailing list?

We're planning
a special feast for...

VITAMIN: Hey, will you
turn that thing down?

Special people.

It's going to be
a Lumerian feast.

- [Vitamin burps ]
- I never heard of that.

That's because
there hasn't been one

since 5 million years B.C.

Buddy, why don't you
turn that thing down?

How can you
stand that homo sport?

[groaning and coughing ]

That hurts. [Groaning]

- Connie.
- Ooh. Oh, Mommy.

What a lovely name.

Do come see us again, Connie.

[ Hypnotic melody plays]

Thank you. I will.

[thump]

[Vitamin burps]

CONNIE: Bye.

ANWAR: Mm, I bet she's a virgin.

- [ Music playing ]
- MAN: Come on, girls!

And up! Out!

Yeah, come on, girls!

Out! Yeah, come on! Let's go!

All right!

Up, out! Yeah, come on!

Can you believe Connie could
pass up a chance like this?

'Cause her dad's a cop.

That's 'cause her dad's a jerk!

- [laughs]
- All right, girls!

Listen up!
I've gotta some more tape,

but remember, this is going
on cable coast to coast.

Not enough to be the only nude
aerobicizing cheerleaders here.

We've gotta be the best
nude aerobicizing cheerleaders!

Tony, take over.

Come on, girls! And...

up, out! Yeah, come on!
Let's go!

- [gunfire]
- Ohh!

[screaming ]

[ Saw buzzing ]

ANWAR: At least eight tongues

must be set aside
for proper aging.

Discard the vocal cords
and any surrounding tissue,

or use them
for tomorrow's veggie patties.

[ Buzzing ]

- [ Buzzing stops ]
- Am I doing this right,

- Uncle Anwar?
- That's right!

Remove only one unblemished limb
from each of the tramps.

The body of Sheetar
must be a composite,

as she is a goddess
of many facets,

but it must be fair
and appealing to the eye,

especially the head.

To choose the wrong one
would be a desecration.

[ High voice]
My name is Sheetar.

[laughs]

MAN: Oh, Jesus.

SECOND MAN:
Okay, take this one on down.

Eww.

Charlie, take a look
at this over here.

[ Officer gags ]

[ Police radio chatter]

Hold it.

[ Shutter clicks ]

Right.

Ah, come on over here,
give me a hand here.

Uh, we get more bags down there?

Uh, call someone down.
Get some bags.

Ohh. Jesus, Mary, Joseph.

God damn that son of a...

For God's sake, be careful, man!

Sorry, Chief.

Shh... Uhh! God.

Well, what do you
make of it, Mark?

Looks like someone had

a do-it-yourself
lunch-meat party.

- Ohh!
- MAN: Chief's getting tough.

Sorry, Mark.
Perhaps I went too far.

But I will not tolerate

any disrespect
for human life on my force!

That's okay, Chief.
A good detective,

no matter how hard he becomes,
can't lose his sense of decency.

I'm glad you feel that way.

Now, before we haul this goulash

off to forensics,
what do you make of it?

Could be the work
of the same killer.

More likely two, judging from

the disproportionate bite marks
on this forearm.

Mark Shepard, meet
Sheba Jackson, your new partner.

Bite marks. Cannibals?

You know, there's a biker group
called the Cannibals,

but they... they've never
gone to this extreme.

Besides, they're supposed
to be vegetarians,

and what
self-respecting vegetarian

would be a party
to such a gruesome display

of monstrously inhuman
degenerate behavior?

This is disgusting.

Arms sawed off. Organs removed.

Head severed from its body.

Nine perfectly healthy tongues

ripped from
their young, live throats.

[ Gags 1.

With your permission,
Chief Miller,

I would like to go down
to the coroner's now

so we can get a head start
on any clues from the autopsy.

Good thinking, Jackson.
You two go over there.

See what you come up with.

I'll try to round up enough guts
to call their parents.

Now get moving, both of you!

MARK: Right, Chief.

- ♪ I love you, honey ♪
- [whirring ]

♪ Let me give you money ♪

♪ I love you, honey,
let me give you money ♪

♪ I love you, honey,
let me give you money... ♪

Thank you, Miss... Sanders.

We'll be getting to you
very soon.

Thanks. I'm sure.

♪ I love you, baby ♪

♪ Oh, yes, I do ♪

♪ I love you, baby ♪

♪ I love you true ♪

♪ I love you, baby ♪

♪ Through and through ♪

♪ I love you, baby ♪

♪ And I don't know
what to do, whoo... ♪

George!
Quit screwing around, would ya?

We got two specials.

- All right. Coming up.
- [teeth crunch ]

- ♪ I love you, honey ♪
- [ spits ]

♪ Ah, um, ah, um ♪

♪ Ah, loop de loop de loop ♪

♪ Ah, loop de loop de loop... ♪

[grunts] This is
even better than the last time.

Hey, I'm glad
you like it, Vitamin.

Thanks for
all the business, too.

I'm determined
to make you boys famous.

Good health food's hard to find
in this dung heap of a city.

By the way...

what is the special ingredient
in the Tuesday surprise?

Well, if I told you that,

it wouldn't be a surprise
anymore, would it?

[ laughs] Okay.

♪ ...long ago ♪

GIRL: Stuck in his fly!

[girl laughing]

♪ Ah, pretty baby ♪

♪ I sense your need ♪

♪ Ah, pretty baby... ♪

Hey, Georgie. George.

Cover for me, will you?

- GEORGE: Okey-doke, Mikey.
- [Vitamin burps]

MAN ON TV: And now
a challenge to the public

from one little Jimmy Hitler.
Mr. Hitler...

I have a message
to tell this land!

Any of you knot-head scum-heads
who think that you're

man enough to mess with me,

[ imitates child's speech ]
Little Jimmy Hitler,

then meet me here
this Thursday night,

and I'll be ready
to wipe the mat

with any of you gut-smelling
butt-wipers audacious enough

to try the true strength
of professional wresting!

That's this Thursday night
here, baby! Be here!

You better believe
I'll be there!

I'll wipe the mat with your ass,

you Nazi scum!

I wrestle! I'll show him good!

Can you wrestle
as good as you cook?

Eat this, fat-ass.

[Vitamin grunting ]

[woman screaming ]

[gagging]

[coughing]

' [Screaming ] - [gagging 1

[siren passes]

Connie, what's wrong?

Michael, you don't understand.
I knew those girls.

If I'd... If I'd done
that tape, I'd be dead, too.

Listen to me.
If anybody ever so much

as looks at you cross-eyed,
I want you to come and tell me.

They won't have a head left
to think about doing it twice.

Thank you, Michael.
It's nice to know.

One has a guardian angel
to count on.

Look, I want to give you
something for good luck.

It's a sacred amulet.

It's very old,

and it's very powerful.

It represents
the ancient goddess Sheetar.

From now on, you belong to her.

Two guardian angels in one day.

I guess I have nothing
to worry about after all.

Wait till I tell my father.

No! Don't... Don't tell anybody.

This is just between
you and me and Sheetar.

- [Vitamin burps]
- GEORGE: Here. On the house.

Goddamn right, on the house.

Now I gotta start
all over again.

Damn shame about those girls
getting butchered up like that.

What beats the hell out of me is

what do those meat creeps want
with those body parts anyway?

[ Chomping, lips smacking ]

♪ Ah, loop de loop de loop ♪

♪ Ah, loop de loop de loop,
ah... ♪

Vegetarians?

You mean all the victims
are vegetarians?

According to the autopsy.

The coroner found
undigested bits

of soybeans, carrots, celery
in all cases,

except for one girl

who had something
that might be cat meat.

Cat meat? Jeez,
how weird can this thing get?

We got a make
on that machine gun.

It's the same one
reported stolen

from the Gangsters Museum
on Third.

Good work, Shepard. And I
want you two to make rounds

of all the health-food
places in town.

See if any weird characters
have been hanging out,

particularly that biker group,
the Cannibals.

You know, Chief,
maybe it's not them at all.

Maybe some hamburger
franchise owner went berserk.

You know,
health food's pretty popular.

- So suppose with the combined...
- Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Are you trying
to tell me that some nut

from McBurger's is respon...

[ laughing ] That's okay, Chief.

Come on, Sheba. Let's go.

See you later.

Murderers from McBurger's! Jeez!

Here's a list
of all the health-food eateries

between here and Sixth.

I'll check some out
on the north side.

Then I thought that you and I

could meet at Mr. Veggie's
at midnight for a bite.

Fool!

[ Police radio chatter]

[wolf-whistles ]

OFFICER: Oh, yeah.
Check that out.

- Whoo!
- Nice!

[whistling a tune]

ANWAR: You boys will learn
from my mistakes.

MICHAEL: Ah,
a little more wisdom, Uncle?

Don't make
the same mistake I made.

I let my schlong
do the thinking for me

and got confused!

Georgie. Georgie,
would you stop screwing around?

That's right!

Aren't you dickheads done yet?

Almost, Uncle Anwar.

What the fuck was that?!

Imbecile! I can't see!

It's a photo we found of you
from the good old days.

Ah, yes, The good old days.

People had ambition then.

I, most of all,
took pride in life's goals.

Everything I did
was done with care.

I truly enjoyed
my appointed destiny,

no matter
how difficult the test...

- [ screams ]
- I kept at it,

- again...
- [screams]

And again

- and again.
- [ screams ]

Like cleanliness,

I was in a state
next to godliness,

as you, my nephews,
are becoming in your devotion.

Sheetar's body is complete,
but it is just the beginning.

You must now
gather the ingredients

necessary for the blood buffet
that will bring her to life.

Stop it.

Georgie, you fucking moron,
listen to your brother!

Stop messing around
with Sheetar.

Now listen.
The first ingredients we need

are two stomachs
from a couple of tramps.

And, Michael, keep your idiot
brother out of those gay bars.

Do you want to come
with us, Uncle Anwar?

No. You boys go,

but don't make
the same error I made

by ravishing the virgin
before the sacrifice.

I failed the mission,
and for that disgrace,

lopped my schlong off

on the day
of the glee club massacre.

- MICHAEL: Good night, Uncle.
- [ light switch clicks ]

Just don't forget!

Two stomachs
from two immoral girls!

Sheetar, your body looks good.

What a set of knockers.

If I only had my schlong back,

you would know
the meaning of machismo.

[dance music playing ]

[overlapping chatter]

[siren passing ]

WOMAN: Oh, I don't know.

MAN: You guys come here
twice a week

with this fake l.D.
You'll never get in here.

[ Indistinct arguing, cursing ]

Hey, get out of here.

Gentlemen,
do you have any l.D.s?

Yeah, we're on the guest list.

Sorry. No l.D.s, no admittance.

[car horn plays
"La Cucharacha" ]

[crowd laughing ]

Hey, have a good time
inside, guys.

Hey, Jason. You okay?

[drum beating ]

[song playing 1.

♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪

♪ Shake it out ♪ - ♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪

♪ Shake it out ♪ - ♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ I said please ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ Shake it out ♪

♪ Baby, you know
what it's all about ♪

♪ 'Cause if your man's
not here ♪

♪ Then you're gonna
have to do without ♪

- ♪ Shake, shake... ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪

- ♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪
- ♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ I said shout and hoochie-coo ♪

♪ Shout, rama-lama,
if you're through ♪

♪ 'Cause if you do me
like you do ♪

♪ Then I'm gonna have
to see it through ♪

♪ Shake, shake ♪ - ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ Yeah hah ♪

♪ Shake, shake ♪ - ♪ Mm-hmm ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ I said spit ♪

- ♪ Spit it out ♪
- ♪ Spit it out ♪

♪ Baby, don't you
jump and shout ♪

♪ 'Cause if the cat's
got your tongue ♪

♪ Then the tiger's
gonna pull it out ♪

♪ Shake, shake ♪ - ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ Yeah hah ♪

♪ Shake, shake ♪ - ♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Shake it out ♪

[saxophone playing ]

♪ Shake it out ♪

The girl. The girl!

Be cool.

Just like this.

♪ Shake it out ♪

Be cool.

- ♪ I said shout... ♪
- That one.

- ♪ And hoochie-coo... ♪
- MICHAEL: No.

She's not trashy enough.

Keep looking.

♪ Then I'm gonna have
to see it through... ♪

Over there!

GEORGE: Yeah.
Those two are perfect.

♪ I said, girl, shout it out ♪

♪ Shout it out ♪ - ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Shout, shout it out, come on ♪

♪ I said shout and hoochie-coo ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ I said shake ♪

- ♪ Shake it out... ♪
- Hey. Buy us a drink?

Yeah, sure.

♪ I said spit, spit it out... ♪

Hey, how come we haven't seen
you two before?

You two from around here?

We're from around here.

It's just that our restaurant
keeps us pretty busy.

Ah. We thought
you were in a band.

Yeah, we are.
Uh, It's just that our cafe's

keeping us busy
until our LP comes out.

Oh, yeah? What's it called?

"Blood Hunger"
by the Sons of Sheetar.

- Sheetar! Sheetar!
- [ laughs]

Hey, listen. This dive's
really a crashing bore.

What do you say
you come back to our place

for a little Lumerian feast?

- Is that something special?
- Special?

There hasn't been one served
since 5 million years B.C.

♪ 'Cause if you do me
like you do ♪

♪ Then I'm gonna have
to see it through ♪

- ♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ Yeah hah ♪

- ♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ Shake it out ♪
- ♪ I said shout ♪

♪ Shout it out, Come on! ♪

♪ Shout, shout it out ♪

[siren passing ]

[ High voice] I'm impressed.

You caught the enema bag rapist?

How 'bout a date?

SHEBA: Sure, sweetie.

Find anything?

Not a clue.

So what is this,
a dragnet or something?

We're looking
for a couple of psychos

that like to pick
on vegetarians.

Any of your customers
fit that description?

Customers?
You need glasses, officer?

I'd be glad to serve
Jack the Ripper himself

as long as he paid the check.

[ High voice]
Hey, what about me?

Ah, you get handicapped rates,

you little fart.
You don't count.

Well, if you see
anything suspicious...

Mister, unless all the goddamn
cockroaches in Los Angeles

start eating at that place
around the corner,

I don't think
I'll be seeing anything

but the mortgage
going up in smoke.

Tutman Cafe?

I checked it out. It's closed.

[ High voice] The place
is packed all the time.

It's their seasoning.

It makes everything
taste real good,

and they keep it
a real tight secret.

[fly buzzing ]

Why, you pint-sized
Benedict Arnold!

[ High voice] Thanks, Stan.

Do you think
they get any bikers there?

If you mean the Cannibals,
I don't think so.

They run their own co-op now
and do their own cooking.

They should cook up
the Tutman boys.

They look like
a couple of vegetables.

Well, keep your eyes peeled,
and give us a call

if anybody
or anything weird pops up.

[ High voice]
He'll probably serve it first.

Come on, Jackson. I got an idea.

Will wonders never cease?

If you're not busy later,

maybe we can meet at
the Club Dread and boogie down.

I'll wear my platforms.

Don't bother, honey.

For you, I'll get down
on my knees and boogie.

Hey, Valentino,
finish your wheat germ!

[ High voice]
I thought I was a traitor.

Aw, that's okay.

[ High voice]
Stan, competitive businesses

are always spying on each other.

Yeah. I'd give my right arm
for that secret recipe.

[ Distant sirens ]

[ Both groaning ]

Say, George,

why don't you show Joanne
the back room

while Peggy and I
have a little... little chat?

Yeah, come on, George.

Let's go in the back room.

[ Both moaning ]

I've got an idea.

Yeah.

A dirty idea?

The Lumerian feast?

Come on, Michael. Tell me.

[Sighs]

[whistles ]

I'm so hot.
Let's do something kinky.

Ever hear
of battered girlfriends?

Ooh, sounds like fun.

Ooh. You're so good at that.

Yeah.

What substances were you two on

when you decorated this place?

Sheetar.

That's more like it, Samson.

How's about a little kiss?

Ah, how's about a real one,

with the tongue?

MICHAEL:
Just a little bit here...

and here...

and a little bit there.

God, I must look a mess.

On the contrary.

You look good enough to eat.

Ooh.

There's just one last
little spot that I have to get.

Ohh!

- [ Muffled screaming ]
- [sizzling ]

[Yelps]

[ Muffled screaming ]

So big...

Mmm. Ahh.

Something's wrong.

No, no, no. She's okay.

No, Peg's in trouble.
I gotta go.

See you.

Peg. Peg?

Where are you?

Peg? I want to go.

Peg? Are you... [ gasps ]

Ohh! [Gasping] No!

Oh, George.

George, help me.

[gasping 1 on, God.

Help me, George.

[gasping and sobbing ]

[ Screams ]

Ahh! Ahh! [Gasping]

Oh, damn it.

- [ Distant sires ]
- My purse.

Shit! Shit. My shit.

Oh, let's go!

[gasping and sobbing ]

Aah! Aah!

Georgie.

Georgie, want
to stop screwing around

and help me
with these leftovers?

Sure.

[ Distant sirens ]

[ Screams ]

[ Gasps ]

Of course it's Lumerian.

The discovery
of the Lumerian culture

came quite by accident
during the first expedition

to find the lost continent
of Atlantis.

It is now believed
that both cultures

existed simultaneously
and vanished simultaneously.

Get out of my way!
Go up the row!

- Doctor, look what I found!
- It's bones!

Label it. Bury it.
Don't interrupt me.

Now, that artifact
that you showed me happens to be

from a deviant religious sect
of Lumerians

that worshipped
a bloodthirsty goddess

of black magic, Sheetar.

Now, on the week prior
to the arrival of Sheetar,

this sect of Lumerians
would have a wild orgy

rife with debauchery,

wine, food, weird drugs.

Lust would completely
overtake them

until the final day
of the celebration,

when they would have
this great feast

called the ahmen lumo
Sheetar ra,

which roughly translated,
means "blood buffet."

Blood buffet?

You don't believe me?

It is suspected

that some followers
of this cult did survive.

Who knows? Rumors persist.

Even in today's society,

there still may be
some cult followers

of this gruesome goddess
Sheetar.

- MARK: Thanks.
- What are you looking at?

Okay, Jackson, now tell me,
what is this all about?

Okay, what's worse
than your average maniac?

- I give up.
- A religious maniac.

I've been thinking
that these murders

have been too precise and sudden

for your typical modus operandi
of your average serial killer.

- Yeah.
- And when we found

that weird religious artifact
in that girl's palm,

that's when I knew.

Knew... knew what?

ANWAR: Ls the purée
of maiden stomach ready?

Yeah, we just poured it in,
Uncle Anwar.

Excellent.
Simmer the sacred recipe gently

until the final ingredients
can be obtained.

Within the next 48 hours,

the Moon will align
with Jupiter,

and Sheetar
shall take her earthly body

at the ceremony
you will arrange.

Here you go, Uncle.

Ahh. That's such a regal flavor.

Oh. How 'bout that virgin?
Where's that virgin?

Come on, Georgie.
Stop screwing around.

Got to open up the shop.

Get her by tomorrow.

- [girl laughing]
- [ music playing ]

[overlapping chatter]

Free hors d'oeuvres!

Everyone, help... help yourself.

GIRL: Yeah!

♪ '59 Volvo, '59 ♪

♪ The best car on the highway ♪

♪ '59 Volvo, '59 ♪

♪ You're going too slow,
much too slow... ♪

Can I get something
to go over here,

please? I'm in a hurry.

It's like... Could I buy
one of these t-shirts?

Oh, you sure can. It's free
advertising for us, right?

Here, Jared. I'm just gonna
put it on your tab, okay?

- Liz, what can I do for you?
- Can I get some of this.

George's aloe vera
foot cream, please?

Yeah. Five bucks.

Put this slut
in the shopping list.

And have you
found the virgin yet?

She's in the guest book.

Oh, but Michael
says he found one.

Other essential ingredients
necessary for the blood buffet

are the lungs and liver
from two sluts.

Don't forget! Lungs and liver!

Lungs and liver!

[ Song, chatter continues ]

Yeah, just a moment, sir.
I'll be with you.

Can I get some
Lumerian stew, too, please?

Yeah, sure, buddy.
Hang on a second.

GEORGE: Two more specials
coming up, Mikey.

Peek-a-boo.

There's no charge for you.

Michael, you make me
feel so guilty.

I can't let you treat me
to all this marvelous food

and not give you something
to show for it.

So there is something
you can do for me.

I'd love it if you could
go out with me tomorrow night.

My brother's gonna be wrestling
against Jimmy Hitler

in the amateur
wrestling competition.

I was thinking maybe afterwards

we could come here
for a little Lumerian feast?

Gee, Michael, I'd love to,

but I have all this homework,

and I don't think my dad would...

[ hypnotic melody plays]

I'd love to go.

Partner, can I have
a doggie bag, please?

Say, George,
wanna take care of this fuck...

Customer for me?

- Michael, I...
- Say, tomorrow? Around 8:00?

[ Hypnotic melody plays]

Okay, I'll meet you here.

[ High voice] Come on, Stan.

Let's boogie!

[doo-wop playing ]

Say, you know who that was?

That's Stan Saldin.

He owns that Mr. Veggie dump
around the corner.

MICHAEL: Oh, really?

So we're gonna have to return
this guy's compliment,

pay him a visit real soon,
eh, Georgie?

Hey, Mike, can we get
some service over here?

ANNOUNCER: At the throat
of Lord Layton,

who seems to be in trouble.

Lord Layton pinned twice.

- Gets three!
- Aw, shit!

Does get a tag,
and so Lord Layton comes in.

- And take cover!
- Ahh!

Ah, damn it!

Excuse me.

I'm with
the Internal Revenue Service,

and I'd like to check
your books.

Hey, Georgie!

Few more fish finger surprises.

We're all out
of specials, Mikey,

but I'll see
what I can come up with.

Of course. Right this way.

[ Song, chatter continue ]

♪ I want you, I want you,
I want you so ♪

- ♪ I need you, I need you ♪
- [ chopping ]

♪ I need you so, I love you... ♪

Two more specials
coming up, Mikey.

MICHAEL:
Mmm. These look real fresh.

♪ So fine ♪ - ♪ Ah ooh... ♪

[sizzling ]

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it... ♪

Here you go.

Two specials. Enjoy.

MAN: These look really good.

SECOND MAN:
Oh, I'm really hungry.

Crunchy.

Good.

ANWAR: Get out that guest book,

and find that ugly bitch

that was in front
of my window today.

You two jerk-offs get
your thumbs out of your asses,

and get a move on!

We still have
many ingredients to gather

to complete the blood buffet.

[ Keypad beeping ]

Hello. Hello?

May I speak
to Cindy Sanders, please?

Oh, I see. This is quite urgent.

Would you tell me
where I might locate her?

- [laughs]
- Nature hiking at Bronson Caves

with her boyfriend Buzz.

Hmm. Have a nice day.

Hang up the phone.

Listen, we haven't
got much time.

You got that right, homo.

I want you to take
the van to the caves,

and I'm going to take
a cab to the clubs,

and I want you to be
back here around midnight.

We got a lot of work to do.

[Anwar scoffs ]

My mission left in the hands
of two lamebrains.

Son of a bitch!

Shit!

Fucking God damn!

♪ Ay, si, si,
we want to mambo... ♪

God damn it!

All right. All right. Hey!

♪ We want to mambo, mambo! ♪

Hey. Hey. [ Screams ]

♪ All the kids want to mambo ♪

- Stupid fucking drivers.
- ♪ Well, they mambo at home ♪

♪ They mambo at school ♪

♪ They know they got to mambo
if they want to keep cool ♪

- A' Ay, si, si... ♪'
- [screams]

♪ You got to be cool,
amigo, you hear? ♪

♪ Ay, si, si, we want to mambo ♪

♪ And do the mambo ♪

- [groaning]
- ♪ Uhh ♪

♪ Grown folks do want to mambo ♪

♪ The grown folks
do want to mambo ♪

♪ Well, they all turn
their radios way low down ♪

♪ So nobody can't see them ♪

♪ When they're
really going to town ♪

- ♪ They do the mambo ♪
- ♪ Ay, si, si ♪

[laughs]
♪ Yeah, the mambo, ese ♪

♪ We want to mambo, ay, si, si ♪

♪ Got everybody does the mambo ♪

♪ Uhh! ♪

♪ Ay, si, si, we want to mambo ♪

♪ Mambo! Uhh! ♪

[ Piano playing ]

BUZZ: Come on.
Get those clothes off.

- [thunder crashing ]
- Shouldn't we be going?

- Nah.
- It's getting late.

Relax, baby.
It's gonna be all right.

You're in good hands.

Besides, this is where
the good stuff starts.

No, wait.

I feel funny with
all these weirdos around

butchering vegetarians.

Hey, sugar, I'm here.

I'm not gonna let
anyone hurt you.

This place...

it could be full of bugs
and strange animals.

BUZZ: Besides... Heh heh.

The only animal you're
gonna have to worry about

chomping on your sweet meat
is gonna be me.

[laughs]

- Touch it.
- Mmm. Oh, yes.

Squeeze it. Come on.

I'm so horny,
I could fuck a cow.

- [ Cindy laughs]
- [ Buzz mutters]

- BUZZ: Buzz.
- Oh, where is it?

BUZZ: Touch it. Touch it.

Uhh! Oh, come on, baby.

[ Screams ]

[panting]

[ George chuckles]

[ George grunting ]

[ Martial arts yells ]

Aah! Uhh!

Aah!

[groaning]

[echoing ] Waah! Waah!

Wake up, Buzz.

Unh...

[dance music playing ]

[ No audible dialogue]

[thunder crashing ]

Bitch!

Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.

- Here. Let me get that.
- Hey, no, it's okay. Relax.

I got something in the back

that's perfect
for a mess like this.

I also have
a big surprise for you,

something that's guaranteed
to get your motor revving.

A big surprise?

Much bigger than that.

[whistling a tune]

Uncle Anwar, I forgot what
I was supposed to get again.

- [ Overlapping chatter]
- [ sirens approaching ]

[tires screeching ]

Get back.
What do you want to know?

This is a police line.
No questions!

Get back right now.

[tires screeching ]

MILLER: Snap out of it, man.

Get a hold of yourself.
Take it easy.

[ Sobbing ] It's all my fault!

She wanted to leave!
She was scared!

Easy, buddy. Take it easy.

But I made a mistake
'cause I was horny,

and now she's dead!

Can you remember anything, Buzz,

anything at all?
Who knocked you out?

Oh, Cindy!

Oh, my God, Cindy!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Cindy!

Oh, God!

[ Sobbing ] God, Cindy!

Snap out of it, man.

Who killed your girl?

I don't know!

It was so dark,
and he grabbed me so quick. It...

And then everything went black.

I... I... I can't remember.

I can't remember.

I can't remember!

Take this boy
to the hospital now!

Hey, you guys, uh,
missed some over there.

[crying 1.

What kind of creature would do
a thing like this, Mark?

Deranged maniacs, Chief,

perverts with sick, sick minds.

BUZZ: Oh, my God!
Cindy, I'm sorry!

Frankly,
this is starting to form

in a definite pattern
in relation to an old case.

We think it's the work
of a cult.

- A cult?!
- Sheba and I...

Don't point
that thing at me, fool!

We've been doing some research.

On the cults of Lumeria.

Cults of Lumeria?

Jesus fucking Christ,
what am I paying you two for?

Whatever happened to that
biker group, the Cannibals?

I don't think so.

A patrol car just
phoned in a hit-and-run

involving one
of the Cannibal gang.

He wasn't the one who ran.
As messed up as he was,

they said
he died of a heart attack.

And whatever happened
to the vegetarian angle?

SHEBA: We've halted that
temporarily.

Halted it? On whose orders?!

It's just that
we have been looking

into these past files,
and this case

bears a strong resemblance
to the one that happened

to a former squad member
20 years ago.

That's right.
His name is Paul Stanton,

and we were going to see him
when we were stopped...

Now listen to me!
You two aren't going to see

anybody but
the unemployment examiner

if you don't start
following my orders.

20 years ago is ancient history!

Now I want you both to get back

on that vegetarian angle
right now!

Get moving!

[siren blaring ]

[tires screech ]

Only a week, and I'm
already in the shit hole.

- And you're no help.
- Oh, he'll get over it.

Look, to be on the safe side,
you continue your search

on those, um,
health-food freaks,

and I'll go and question
this Paul Stanton.

[sighs] These grisly murders
can't go on much longer.

- [gun fires]
- [ bullet ricochets]

[doo-wop playing on radio]

ANWAR: Suck out all the blood.

And where the hell is
your idiot brother? He's late.

He should be here
any minute, Uncle Anwar.

I'm sucking out every drop
of blood for the blood buffet.

Are you sure
this is going to work?

You stupid moron.
Stop thinking, and do as I say.

Did you get the lungs and liver?

- They look good, Mikey.
- Okay, put 'em in the pot.

Good work, boys, but we
still have lots left to do.

Get over here. I have
to tell you the next step.

What now, Uncle Anwar?

Prepare for the banquet.

We need as many participants
as possible.

Shout it to the rafters!

5 million years
have not gone in vain.

At last, an authentic
Lumerian feast will be served.

Hey, we can do that easy.

You don't even need an excuse
to have a party out here.

Yeah, big party and pretty girls
right after I wrestle.

Oh, you must take care
against abstainers.

Most of the guests
must participate of the feast.

Hey, that's no problem.

We got some little goodies here
that work like a charm.

George puts 'em in his stew
when business gets low.

Yeah! [Slurps]

Excellent.
Now cool the sacred brew,

and get a good night's sleep.

Tomorrow night, the Moon
will align with Jupiter.

The result is
a window in the universe

for Sheetar to be able to take

the earthly body
you have constructed.

The transference must take place

tomorrow at midnight.

You must follow
from the "Book of Sheetar."

Sheetar's body, the buffet,
the participants,

and the virgin
must all be present.

For her resurrection,

the participants
must ravage the buffet,

and Sheetar must
eat the virgin simultaneously.

Plan carefully!

If we miss this opportunity,

another is not foreseen
in a lifetime!

GEORGE: I'm so excited
about wrestling

that... that savage Jimmy Hitler.

MICHAEL: Shut up. I'm thinking
about the master plan.

Hey, Mikey, wait for me!

STAN: I'm going
to find their recipe.

You wait here.

[ High voice] Don't do it, Stan.

Stan, you'll get in trouble.

Don't do it, Stan.

Stan, don't do it.

[ Normal ]
Honk if they come back.

[ High voice]
No, don't do it, Stan.

Don't, Stan.

MICHAEL: But we'll
cater it absolutely free.

- Well...
- [ playing saxophone]

We did have a Lumerian feast

about a year ago.

And since yours is
the best in town

and we don't
have to do anything,

ah, I guess it's okay.

Uh, what do you think, Henry?

I don't know. I don't know.

Kinda bored
of mummies and health food.

This isn't just any mummy.

- This is Sheetar.
- [scoffs] Sheetar.

Besides, we'll donate
all the drugs

you guys need
for a swinging time.

Just pass the word around.

Damn.

This'll pack the place for sure.

Oh, hey.

We'll do it, but you be here.

Okay, great.
We'll see you then, huh?

We're gonna be
at the wrestling match first.

Then we'll get here about,
uh, say, midnight,

a little bit before, okay?

Mm-hmm.

[ laughs] Fantastic.

Yeah, just pass some out
when the crowd gets going,

and we'll have a real event.

- Let's do it.
- [ laughs ]

That's right.
I was a detective here

years ago, Homicide Division.

Made my wife here
just a little jittery.

We'll make sure we don't get
too rowdy or nothing.

That right, honey?

You can bet your bottom dollar.

Well, give me the hard dope,
young fella.

You didn't come here
to listen to an old coot

rant on about his R.V.

It's like this, sir.

I'm working on a serial killing,

and this bears
a strange resemblance

to your trial with Anwar Namtut.

[ Screams ]

- Easy. Okay.
- [Wails ]

- Oh, that horrible man.
- That's okay.

- That's...
- [wailing ]

It's okay, baby. Okay.

Gets a little jittery
on that subject.

Thought maybe the crazy guy'd
get the best of me.

- Didn't, though.
- What exactly happened?

I'll never forget
the day we caught him.

What a freak show that was.

MARK: Who?

- Anwar Namtut.
- [ screams ]

Anwar Namtut,
we know you're in there!

This is Detective Paul Stanton.

You have exactly 60 seconds

to come out peacefully
with your hands up.

There he is.

- Hold your fire.
- [tires screech ]

Drop the cleaver, Anwar!

POLICEMAN: He's coming!

[ Pistols cocking ]

Sheetar!

Keep back. Can't get close.

Watch him.
He still might be alive.

[sirens approaching ]

PAUL: Had the wildest damn eyes.

I looked into them
just as he died.

I could have sworn
they were saying,

"One day, Detective,"

"one day, I'll be back for you
and your little girl, too."

Silly, huh?

Didn't even know I was
gonna have a little girl.

Is this her?

Yeah.

Ain't she a pip?

She's a good girl, too,

not like
them trashy cheerleaders

that got killed recently.

Well, I hope that
helps you some, Mr. Shepard.

Whomever these killers are,

they can't be working
with Namtut.

[wails ] Stop.

Oh, honey, honey, now.

Oh, it's gonna be fine.
It's okay.

I'm not so sure, Mr. Stanton.

You see,
they've stolen Anwar's brain.

- [screams]
- Oh, all right. All right.

- PAUL: The brain?
- Ohh.

Well, get that pansy
off the mat!

- Get the next match started!
- [bell rings]

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

a three-round bout for $1,000

and the honorary
heavyweight title

between our champion

and a brave occupant
of tonight's audience.

- Yeah! Yeah!
- The challenger claims

to be a direct descendant
of the ancient pharaohs,

and a mean-looking one he is.

[yells]

Ladies and gentlemen,

the monster of the Nile,

the killer of the Sphinx,

Luscious Lou the Lumerian.

Hey, you're a bum!
Get out of there.

- [ Crowd jeering ]
- [yelling ]

- I'll kill you!
- All right, Georgie!

- I'll kill you!
- Georgie!

- And now our champion...
- Boo! Boo!

The Teutonic terror
of the Fatherland...

- Boo! Boo!
- Little Jimmy Hitler!

[cheering ]

Shut up,
or I'll break you in half.

Ah, you suck! Go home!

You ought to kick
the bum out of here!

He can't fight!

Take care of him, little baby!

Come on, Georgie!

- FAN: Drop the shoes on him!
- [bell rings]

MICHAEL: Hey, Hitler,
get out of the ring!

- Come on. Come on.
- Come on, Hitler! You suck!

- You know it!
- Come on.

You got him, Georgie!

Come on, little baby!

Come on. Come on!

- Come on, Lou! Get up!
- Come on.

- MICHAEL: This guy's nothing!
- Get up.

Come on! Go for it, babe!
Go for it!

Come on.

Come on. All right, come on.
Up! Up! Up!

You can do it! Get a leg!
Get up there!

[cheering ]

- My hero!
- REFEREE: 1, 2, 3...

He's yours!
I can tell he's scared.

- 4, 5, 6, 7...
- Go on. Get back in there.

You got him, babe.

Get up! Lou, get up!

Come on, Lou! Get up!

Oh, Mikey! Aah!

[ Connie screams]

You suck, Hitler!

Come on. Come on.

Come on, baby. Come on.
Come on now.

- Come on.
- [ booing ]

[cheering ]

He's getting the shit
kicked out of him.

Georgie, watch out!

Georgie!

Hair. Break it up.

[ Booing ]

Oh, Michael!
Oh, my God, Michael!

- You stupid shit, go on!
- Oh, my God!

' Mikey! ~ Aah!

Yeah! Yeah, Georgie!
Come on, Georgie!

- Come on, Georgie!
- [joint cracking ]

Get him off me! Yaah!

[cheering ]

Lou! Lou! Lou! Lou!
Yeah, you got him!

CONNIE: Oh, my God, Mikey!
You... Ahh!

- [ Michael and Connie yelling ]
- All right!

All right! Yeah! Beautiful!

I think I'm gonna be sick,
Michael!

- Oh, my God.
- Michael!

- [ Screams ]
- You got it! You got it!

JIMMY: Aah! I give up!

- Aah!
- There you go!

Lou, all right! Shit.

Sheetar!

CROWD: Sheetar!

Sheetar!

Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar!

- [ laughing ]
- Sheetar!

Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar!

Sheetar! Sheetar!

- 2, 8!
- Sheetar! Sheetar!

Yeah! Shee...

Jesus, Connie, I'm really sorry.

I probably should have
warned you.

I mean, George gets
really crazy, huh?

Michael, take me home now.

I thought we'd go back
to the place and celebrate.

We just won
the competition here.

I just want to go home, please.

Well, I mean,
I got the feast all ready.

It's all planned. It's waiting.

Please, Michael,
just take me home now.

Guess I don't have a choice.

Uhh!

Sheetar! Sheetar!

She can't stand
the sight of blood.

Sheetar!

[telephone rings]

Yeah.

MARK: Jackson, this is Shepard.
I got good news for you.

- You died and went to heaven.
- Very funny.

I'm relieving you
of your restaurant search.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You know
I just love vegetarian food.

Now what am I
gonna do with myself?

I'll tell you
what you're going to do.

You're gonna go down
to the hall of records

first thing in the morning
and see if you can find out

if there are any surviving
relatives of Anwar Namtut.

Shepard, you motherfucker.

Miller said
he would barbecue my butt

if I so as mention
pharaohs and blood cults.

Phil is not gonna know anything.

Tomorrow's our day off.

You know,
your colleague was right.

Well, thanks a fucking lot.

Don't mention it.
Now write this down.

N-A-M-T-U-T.

Namtut. You got that?

Yeah, I got it.

If you find
any cousins, nephews,

daughters, or whatever,
get their addresses

and put out a tracer
if you need to.

And a rap search.
Don't forget that.

Now, I know we've had a trying
and a disagreeable time

on this first case,
but when it's finished,

I want the both of us

to get to know
each other better.

- Maybe over dinner...
- [farts ]

Or something. I know it sounds

- like a big come-on...
- [farts ]

But I'll put
my masculine ego aside,

and I'll make a constructive
effort to understand you,

not only as a partner,
but as a person.

Heh. You know, it's funny
when you think about it.

You're a tough New Yorker,

me a laid-back
California kind of guy.

We could have killed each other,
but we didn't,

and because we didn't,

the answer to this case
is just ahead of us.

Cut the bullshit, Shepard.

- I'll play the hunch.
- What? You'll go out?

Meet me at the Tutman Cafe.

If that King Tut that you want
so badly is ever there,

dinner's on me.

[Connie whimpering]

Come on, George. Hurry up.
We haven't got much time.

The Moon's gonna be in Jupiter's
path within the hour.

[ Muffled sobbing ]

Cut it out, you ingrate.

Look, you can't escape
from Sheetar.

We've been saving you
especially for her.

When she wakes up
from her centuries of sleep,

she's gonna be hungry.

[Whimpers]

Get the hacksaw, brother.

[ Reading in Lumerian ]

"Spirits of the dark powers
in league with Jupiter,

"hear our sacred cries,

"and bestow your aid
in our appointed quest.

"Tonight we raise your sister
from the grave.

Tonight we invoke
the resurrection of Sheetar!"

Sheetar.

Say the words, Uncle Anwar.

Say the words, Uncle Anwar.

Uncle An... war?

Georgie, you been playing
with Uncle Anwar's jar?

Hey, this is no time
for your stupid jokes, Georgie.

Where's Uncle Anwar?

Hey, where is he?

L... He was here last night
when I tucked him in!

[ Door creaks ]

[ Muffled screaming ]

Shit.

[ Door creaks ]

Ah, son of a bitch!

Somebody's broken in here.

Damn it!

[ Crowbar clatters ]

Who the fuck would want...

Saldin.

That competitive little weasel.

Looks like we're gonna pay
a little visit to Stan tonight.

Look, I want you to go,

make sure
the front door's locked.

I'm gonna take the van
around to the back

and start loading up
everything we need in.

Hop to it.
We gotta get Uncle Anwar back.

[ Hacksaw clatters ]

- [ Pistol cocks]
- Stop right there, crazy.

Don't you know it's not nice
to moon an officer?

Now let's see those hands
up in the air.

Now move that lard ass
of yours real calm like,

and stop when I tell you to.

All right, that's far enough!

You take one more step,
and I'll blow your guts out.

[glass breaks]

I told you
not to mess with that girl.

She gave me the finger!

I'm gonna give you
a lot more than a finger

if you don't stop
goofing off tonight.

Sheetar might want
a little snack in the morning.

ANWAR: Oh, Sheetar,

why has thou
forsaken your servant?

Do I deserve to be held

by the hands
of a greedy unbeliever?

Ah, damn!

That last batch was awful.

As I told you, Mr. Saldin,

only a priest ordained
in the cult of Sheetar

has the proper skills
to prepare this recipe.

- If attempted by...
- Horse manure.

When I found you
in that back room

mumbling sacred recipes
to yourself,

I didn't recall anything
about sour goat's milk.

If you don't cooperate with
the correct ingredients list

in 10 seconds, I'll see to it

that you get a private tour
of the city sewer system,

beginning with my commode.

Capisce?

You are a shrewd man,
Mr. Saldin.

I shall not deceive you further.

Okay, let's have it
right this time.

First, you need
the desiccated flesh

of three black felines.

Cat flesh? Are you sure?

Mr. Saldin,
I am but an old brain,

but I am not so old that I
cannot remember the recipe

which has been a goal of mine
for two lifetimes.

All right, all right.

Three dried cat bodies.
What else?

Three pints of virgin's blood.

GEORGE:
And three hard-boiled eggs.

And three hard-boil...

ANWAR: Georgie! Michael!

Quit fucking around,
and get in here!

You're dead meat now, Stan.

Wait till my nephews
get a hold of you.

STAN: Oh, shit.

[Anwar laughs ]

Hey! Uhh!

You're a kidnapper, Stan.

Mere slaughter's
too good for you.

- Uhh!
- Aah! Aah!

[laughs]

GEORGE: Stanley.

You keep away from me.

ANWAR: Georgie, Michael,

stop fooling around!
Get me out of here!

You keep away from me.

- I'll kill you dead!
- Stanley! Ha ha!

[window breaks ]

Hey, that's my brother, Stanley.

- Come on!
- Stanley!

[ George laughing ]

[ High voice] He's got me, Stan!

- MICHAEL: Ohh. Ohh.
- Help me! Help me, Stan!

Stan, these guys got me!

MICHAEL: Come on.
Come on, Stanley!

ANWAR: Stupid idiots,
get me out of here!

Stan! He's got me! Help! Help!

- Mr. Green Jeans, he's got me!
- Get me out of here!

Just do what he says. Stan!

I'll smash him.

[ High voice] Help! Help!

Swear to God, I'll smash him.
Now, both of you,

- stand together real quick.
- Michael, do as he says.

ANWAR: Back off! Back off!

ANWAR: Whoa!
Nice catch, Georgie.

Get him. Now get him! Get him!

- Keys.
- ANWAR: Kill him!

Move! Get him! Get him!

Ohh!

- Hey, babe.
- Now wait a minute, fellas.

I really wasn't gonna hurt him.
I swear to God.

ANWAR: Quit fucking around,
and kill him!

Sure, Stan.

Aah!

[laughing]

Bastards!
You goddamn freako bastards!

You'll pay for this!
I'll see that you grill in Hell!

- [ laughing ]
- Goddamn sons of bitches.

They won't get away with this.

Cut off my hand, will ya?
Car, start.

You son of a bitch of scrap,
please, start!

[engine revs]

Aah!

[laughing]

[tires squealing ]

Stumpy Stan! Hah!

Go on!
Laugh, you veggie-ridden idiots.

I'll get you. I'll show you.

Make me a cripple, will ya?

Cut off my hands,
and laugh about it, will ya?

God damn it!
I'm gonna get the cops!

Yeah, we'll see
who laughs last then!

We'll see who laughs,
Mr. big-shot restaurateurs!

[screaming ]

[car horn blares]

[switchblade clicks]

[ Gasps ]

Holy Christ! I was just
trying to give you some air.

I swear I wasn't
gonna go any further

than the second or third button.

Mark, man, am I glad it's you.

I thought that gruesome guy

with the green tongue
had come back for the finish.

Tell me, Jackson,
are all of your people

masters
of the complimentary phrase?

Or is it something inside me
that inspires you?

Shepard, if you
can get me to the car

so I can put out an A.P.B.
on those Tutman goons,

I'll give you
the prettiest apology

I've ever given to a white boy.

One A.P.B. coming up.

You know, and judging from
the hideous leftovers inside,

I'd say we've found our killers.

As for you, you're going
to the hospital.

Now come on. Let's go.

I want those two, Shepard,

and I want them now.

[thump]

- [tires squealing]
- [car horn honks]

ANWAR: Sheetar, have mercy.

NEPHEWS: Sheetar, have mercy.

ANWAR: The goddess, have mercy.

Goddess, have mercy.

ANWAR: Georgie, pull out
the dead mortal's brains,

and gently place me inside.

[Whimpers]

ANWAR: Sheetar, have mercy.

- NEPHEWS: Sheetar, have mercy.
- [whimpers]

ANWARI: Ah, yes.

Perfect fit.

Excellent.

Okeydokey, Mikey.

- [tires screech ]
- [car horn honks]

ANWAR: Michael, you must
perform the ceremony

to resurrect Sheetar.

O, Sheetar,
mother of a dark, new age,

accept this humble servant
as your priest and guide.

Michael, the final incantations
are yours.

Good luck,
and Sheetar be with you.

Yes! Hah hah! [Laughs]

[dance music playing ]

[distorted ]
♪ Blood river dance ♪

♪ It starts to bleed ♪

♪ Give a little squeeze ♪

♪ Body is getting over ♪

♪ I aim to please ♪

♪ Don't be ashamed, baby ♪

♪ Don't be ashamed, yeah ♪

♪ Your mama ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Your mama! ♪

SINGER: ♪ Your mama ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Your mama! ♪

SINGER: ♪ Would do the same ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Would do the same! ♪

SINGER: ♪ Your mama'd
do the same ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Your mama'd
do the same ♪

SINGER: ♪ Your mama'd
do the same ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Your mama'd
do the same ♪

SINGER: ♪ Everybody get some ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Everybody get some ♪

SINGER:
♪ Everybody get some now ♪

[vocalizing ]

♪ Everybody get some... ♪

That's it. There is no more.

Ohh. Where are those guys? Damn.

[vocalizing ]

♪ 1,2,3,4 ♪

♪ Oww! ♪

♪ Super bad ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, oww ♪

♪ Hah, hey ♪

♪ Everybody get some ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, hey ♪

♪ Everybody get some now ♪

♪ Hunh! ♪

♪ Everybody get some ♪

♪ Ooh-ah ♪

♪ Everybody get some now ♪

♪ Huhh ♪

♪ Everybody get some ♪

♪ Oww ♪

♪ Everybody get some ♪

♪ Everybody get some ♪

- ♪ Oww ♪
- [ utensils clattering ]

♪ Everybody get some now ♪

♪ Ooh-ey ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, oww... ♪

MICHAEL:
"Therefore, I, the lord,

"justify you and your brethren
of my church

"in defending that law

which is constitutional law
of the land."

MAN: What's wrong?

MICHAEL: "And as pertaining
to law of man",

- "if so ever..."
- I don't know.

I don't feel so good.

What's the matter? Are you okay?

Stew looks good. Eat meat.

Want meat.

- [gurgling ]
- ♪ Everybody get some now... ♪

MICHAEL: "Nevertheless",

"when the wicked people rule,

- "law shall also make you free."
- ♪ Feelin' down... ♪

[gurgling]

Meat.

The meat.

[ Both growling ]

♪ Get down, little dude ♪

God, am I hungry.

The sooner you find that van,
the sooner you'll eat.

WOMAN ON RADIO: 1187, clear.

MAN ON RADIO: 187, clear.

Hold it. There it is.

- [ Overlapping chatter]
- SHEBA: Double trouble.

MAN: You motherfuckers,
get back down!

SHEBA: That's the back entrance
to the Club Dread.

Call for reinforcements now.

Now wait. Just a minute.

Don't mess with me, Shepard.
I need your help.

WOMAN ON RADIO: Do you
still request a radio unit?

Baker 7793, come over.

[guitars playing ]

Get them mules hitched up.

[all growling]

♪ Yea-ha I'

♪ Stud pony ♪

♪ Let's kick in the stall,
stall, stall ♪

- ♪ Stud pony! ♪
- ♪ Stud pony! ♪

♪ Let's kick in the stall,
stall, stall ♪

♪ 'Cause I can pet you ♪

♪ And I can scratch your nose ♪

[growling]

♪ They feed you carrots ♪

♪ They watch you
grow and grow... ♪

[classical music playing ]

"What are we to understand
by the four beasts of Sheetar"

"spoken of in the same verse?"

"We have figured of expressions

used by the revelative..."

"describing Heaven,
the paradise of God,

the happiness of Sheetar."

[growling]

[ Classical music continues ]

Sheetar,

the dark side of Jupiter
commands you.

Awake, and take your vengeance!

[growling]

Awake, and begin to feed.

Awake!

Sheetar, wake up!

We get killers in here
all the time.

The point is, as I said before,

if you don't have a warrant,
you gotta pay the cover charge.

Is this enough?

[ Rock music resumes]

[ Random notes play]

♪ Stud pony, stud pony ♪

- ♪ Stud pony, stud pony ♪
- [screams]

♪ Stud pony, stud pony ♪

♪ Stud pony ♪

♪ Kick in the stall,
stall, stall ♪

- ♪ Kick in the stall ♪
- ♪ Stall ♪

♪ He wants it all ♪

- ♪ He wants it all ♪
- ♪ Wants it all ♪

♪ Wants it all ♪ - ♪ All ♪

Crazy. What's that?

Look. Over there.

Sheetar, wake up!

[ Connie screams]

SINGER: ♪ Die! Die! Die! ♪

[fading] ♪ Yeah... ♪

[classical music playing ]

Sheetar...

awake, and claim
your vengeance now!

- CONNIE: Ohh!
- Sheetar!

I, your humble servant...

[growling]

MICHAEL: Respectfully offer

your first meal on Earth!

CONNIE: No!

Ahh!

- [ Gunshot]
- [ ricochet]

[gunshot]

[ Connie screams]

- [growling ]
- ♪ Stud pony, stud pony ♪

♪ Stud pony, stud pony ♪

♪ Stud pony ♪

♪ Kick in the stall ♪

♪ He wants it all ♪

[screaming ]

♪ Die! Die! Die! ♪

♪ You don't say ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ - [growling]

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- [ screams ]

Goddess of evil!

Use your powers of Jupiter

to invoke your vengeance!

[ Growls ]

[classical music playing ]

[clapping ]

SHEBA: You freak!

[ Gunshots ]

I couldn't find a parking place.

Get those two onstage.

[ Roaring ]

[ Screams ]

Pretty wild, huh?

Yeah, but it's
making my ears hurt.

What?

I said I think
my ears are gonna explode.

Excellent!

[ Connie screams]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Classical music continues ]

♪ In the stall, in the stall ♪

♪ Kick in the stall ♪

- ♪ He wants it all ♪
- [ roaring ]

♪ He wants it all,
wants it all ♪

♪ Come on, little stud ♪

♪ Stud pony, kick in the stall ♪

♪ Stall, stall ♪

♪ Yes-haw I'

♪ Die! Die! Die ♪

[ Roaring ]

♪ Stud pony, stud pony ♪

[classical music playing ]

[laughing]

Over there!

[ Roars]

[screaming ]

[ Connie screams]

- No!
- Let's do this.

- [ Roaring ]
- No! No!

Cover me!

No! No! Stop it!

This isn't going to hurt a bit.

- [ Roaring ]
- [screaming ]

No! No!

[gunshot]

[ Sheetar roars]

Wake up.

Mikey, wake up!

Get her out of here.

[ Man screams]

[grunting]

No! No! Please don't!

- You killed my brother!
- Aah!

- [gunshots ]
- Stop! Stop! Hurts!

No, really hurts!

Stop it! Stop!

[gun clicks]

[grunting]

Kill you!

No, please! Please don't!

No! No! Please no! No!

You killed my brother!

Oh, no!

I'm gonna feed your head
to Sheetar!

[grunting]

No, don't! Please! Please don't!

Please!

Hey, gruesome, look up.

MARK: Please! Ahh!

[groaning]

Come on, Shepard.
Let's get out of here.

[ Sheetar growling ]

[ Classical music continues ]

[ Bones crack]

[ Roaring ]

[thunder crashing ]

[ Police radio chatter]

[sirens blaring ]

[tires screech ]

You okay?

Yeah, okay. Just fine.

How you doing, Shepard?

Okay for a white boy.

- Everybody dead?
- I'm not so sure

about that mean and ugly thing
on the bandstand,

but everybody else is.

Good. You two did a fine job.

Maybe the streets will be safe

from fiends and freakos
for a while.

Shepard, get on the ambulance
with a stamp and go.

Jackson,
I'll expect a full report

on my desk in the morning.

Come on, Mark.
I'll buy you a cup

of the finest
hospital coffee in town.

Aw, you're so sweet.

[siren blares]

Ah, Sheena...

[gunshot]

[tires screeching ]

Hey, baby, you in the red.

Hey, blondie.

Hey, you look kinda nice.

You look good.

You ought to come home
with me tonight.

Huh? All right.

Come on in, honey.

Come on in, honey.

I'm hot, bothered, and horny.

Hey, baby.

Right before I stick
my big sausage in ya,

what do they call ya?

[Anwar's voice ]
They call me Sheetar.

[ Music playing ]

- ♪ Ba-doop ♪
- ♪ Whop doo-wah doo-wah ♪

- ♪ Da-doo ♪
- ♪ Whop doo-wah-da doo-wop ♪

♪ Listen, sugar, honey ♪

♪ Listen to me ♪

♪ I-I-I need your lovin' ♪

♪ Now, can't you see? ♪

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

- ♪ Do it, do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

♪ Let's do it, oh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Baby, let's make some love ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Baby,
let's make some love ♪

SINGER: ♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

♪ Hold me, and kiss me,
and squeeze me tight ♪

♪ I want your lovin'
all day and night ♪

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

- ♪ Do it, do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

♪ Let's do it, oh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Baby, let's make some love ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Baby,
let's make some love ♪

- ♪ Ba-doop ♪
- ♪ Whop doo-wah doo-wah ♪

- ♪ Da-doo ♪
- ♪ Whop doo-wah doo-wah ♪

- ♪ Ba-doop ♪
- ♪ Whop doo-wah-da doo-wop ♪

♪ I want you, I want you,
I want you so ♪

♪ I need you,
I need you, I need you so ♪

♪ I love you, I love you,
I love you so ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

♪ Sugar, honey, listen to me ♪

♪ Now, you're so fine ♪

♪ Mellow as a dream ♪

♪ Y'all got peaches ♪

♪ I've got the cream ♪

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

- ♪ Do it, do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

♪ Let's do it, oh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Baby, let's make some love ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Baby,
let's make some love ♪

[saxophone playing ]

♪ Ba-da-da da da da da ♪

♪ Ba-da-da-da da da da da ♪

♪ Ba-da-da da da da da ♪

♪ Ba-da-da-da da da da da ♪

♪ Ba-da-da da da da da ♪

♪ Ba-da-da-da da da da da ♪

♪ Ba-da-da da da da da ♪

♪ Ba-da-da-da da da doo-wop ♪

SINGER: ♪ I love you, baby ♪

♪ I'll tell you why ♪

♪ When you thrill me ♪

♪ Holler, "Oh, my" ♪

- ♪ Let's do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

- ♪ Do it, do it ♪
- ♪ Let's do it ♪

♪ Let's do it, oh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Baby, let's make some love ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Baby,
let's make some love ♪

SINGER: ♪ Ohh, Ohh, Ohh, Ohh ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Baby,
let's make some love ♪

SINGER: ♪ Aw, come on, baby ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Baby,
let's make some love ♪

SINGER:
♪ Let's make a little love ♪

BACKUP: ♪ Baby,
let's make some love ♪

SINGER: ♪ Aw, come on, baby,
love me, love me tonight ♪