All language subtitles for According.to.Jim.S01E03.No.Nookie.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H264-NTb-Eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:02,568 "AND WHEN BRADFORD SAW ALL HIS FRIENDS TOGETHER 2 00:00:02,601 --> 00:00:04,637 "IN THE MAGIC TREE HOUSE, HE KNEW THAT IT WAS THEM 3 00:00:04,669 --> 00:00:08,307 AND NOT THE MAGIC THAT MADE THE TREE HOUSE SO SPECIAL." 4 00:00:08,339 --> 00:00:09,775 THE END. 5 00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:12,511 HEY, I WANT TO SAY "THE END"! 6 00:00:12,544 --> 00:00:14,080 OH, LOOK, LOOK, THERE'S MORE. 7 00:00:14,112 --> 00:00:15,113 OH, MY GOODNESS. 8 00:00:15,147 --> 00:00:18,551 "$5.00, U.S., $6.50 CANADA." 9 00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:20,419 THE END. 10 00:00:20,452 --> 00:00:23,655 OKAY, DADDY'S HOME. EVERYBODY MAKE A BIG DEAL. 11 00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:25,658 DADDY! DADDY! 12 00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:26,759 THANK YOU. THANK YOU, DEAR. 13 00:00:26,792 --> 00:00:29,095 HONEY? 14 00:00:26,792 --> 00:00:29,095 OH, YAY. 15 00:00:30,228 --> 00:00:33,832 OH, HEY, HOW YOU DOING, SIR POOPS-A-LOT? 16 00:00:33,865 --> 00:00:35,534 DADDY? 17 00:00:33,865 --> 00:00:35,534 MM-HMM? 18 00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:38,570 CAN WE HAVE A MAGIC TREE HOUSE LIKE BRADFORD DOES IN THE BOOK? 19 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:40,506 SURE, SURE. JUST BE SURE TO RETURN 20 00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:43,309 MY TOOLS WHEN YOU'RE DONE. 21 00:00:43,341 --> 00:00:45,143 JIM, YOU DID TELL THEM 22 00:00:45,176 --> 00:00:46,612 YOU'D BUILD THEM A TREE HOUSE LAST YEAR, 23 00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:49,549 BUT SOMEHOW I GOT A FOOSBALL TABLE INSTEAD. 24 00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:52,350 SO, WHAT--YOU DON'T WANT ME TO EXERCISE ANYMORE? 25 00:00:52,384 --> 00:00:55,688 OH, COME ON, YOU'RE A CONTRACTOR, 26 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,289 ANDY'S AN ARCHITECT. 27 00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:59,091 YOU GUYS CAN DO THIS. 28 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:00,292 PLEASE, DADDY, PLEASE? 29 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,460 WE REALLY WANT A TREE HOUSE. 30 00:01:01,493 --> 00:01:02,527 YOU SEE, 31 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,831 THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH READING. 32 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:06,800 BOOKS ARE WHERE IDEAS COME FROM. 33 00:01:09,868 --> 00:01:10,804 HAH! 34 00:01:12,203 --> 00:01:13,338 OH, BABY. 35 00:01:23,615 --> 00:01:26,451 DADDY, CAN YOU PLAY BARBIES WITH US? 36 00:01:26,484 --> 00:01:28,688 OH, YOU KNOW, I REALLY WANT TO, 37 00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:31,891 BUT I GOT TO WAIT AT LEAST AN HOUR AFTER I EAT 38 00:01:31,924 --> 00:01:33,593 BEFORE PLAYING WITH BARBIES. 39 00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:36,462 OTHERWISE I GET A CRAMP. 40 00:01:36,495 --> 00:01:38,131 AND THEN WILL YOU PLAY? 41 00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:41,400 SURE. UNLESS I EAT AGAIN. 42 00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:42,435 HEY, GUYS. 43 00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:44,137 HEY, ANDY, WHERE WERE YOU? 44 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,370 YOU MISSED BURGERS. 45 00:01:45,403 --> 00:01:46,771 I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS MODEL 46 00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:48,774 FOR THE KIDS' TREE HOUSE. 47 00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:49,808 JEEZ. 48 00:01:49,841 --> 00:01:52,177 LOOK AT THE DETAIL ON THIS THING. 49 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:53,478 WOW. 50 00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:55,213 YOUR NEW TREE HOUSE. 51 00:01:55,246 --> 00:01:59,152 OH, IS THAT A LITTLE RUBY AND A LITTLE GRACIE? 52 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,719 MM-HMM, AND THAT'S JIM AND YOU, 53 00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:01,754 AND LOOK, THAT'S ME. 54 00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:04,157 WHERE AM I? 55 00:02:04,189 --> 00:02:07,259 YOU'RE IN A MODEL OF A RESTAURANT HAVING A BAD DATE. 56 00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:11,397 THE KIDS ARE GONNA LOVE THIS. 57 00:02:11,430 --> 00:02:15,235 SEE? YOU ASK, I DELIVER. 58 00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:19,638 AND WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU DO? 59 00:02:19,671 --> 00:02:23,276 I MADE THE ACTUAL GIRLS THAT GO INTO THE TREE HOUSE. 60 00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,378 DOES ANYBODY WANT TO GO OUT FOR ICE CREAM? 61 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:28,581 OKAY. BUT LET'S USE THE LITTLE SAMPLE SPOONS 62 00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:30,550 SO WE CAN PRETEND WE'RE GIANTS. 63 00:02:31,683 --> 00:02:33,853 GIRLS, WE'RE GOING OUT FOR ICE CREAM! 64 00:02:33,885 --> 00:02:35,621 Girls: YAY! ICE CREAM! 65 00:02:35,653 --> 00:02:37,323 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO AHEAD? 66 00:02:37,355 --> 00:02:40,425 YOU KNOW, KYLE JUST WENT DOWN, AND I'M KIND OF FULL. 67 00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:42,562 YEAH, YEAH, I'M NOT GONNA GO EITHER. 68 00:02:42,594 --> 00:02:44,396 YOU KNOW, I GOTTA SCRAPE THE GRILL, 69 00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:46,265 HELP CHERYL CLEAN AND STUFF. 70 00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,332 THANKS. 71 00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:48,801 OKAY. SEE YA. 72 00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:49,868 SEE YOU LATER. 73 00:02:49,901 --> 00:02:51,336 BYE, GIRLS. 74 00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:54,272 SEX? 75 00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:54,272 OH, YEAH. 76 00:02:54,306 --> 00:02:56,275 I FIGURE WE GOT 20 MINUTES. 77 00:02:56,307 --> 00:02:57,676 OKAY, THAT'S, UH, TWO MINUTES TO GET UNDRESSED, 78 00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,478 EIGHT MINUTES OF FOREPLAY, FIVE TO MAKE LOVE. 79 00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:00,746 YOU KNOW, I THINK I CAN GET THAT FOREPLAY 80 00:03:00,778 --> 00:03:03,281 DOWN TO TWO MINUTES, MAYBE ONE. 81 00:03:03,314 --> 00:03:04,817 GREAT! I CAN GET STARTED ON THE LAUNDRY. 82 00:03:04,849 --> 00:03:06,385 GOOD. I GOT SOME SHIRTS. 83 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,356 WOW. 84 00:03:14,293 --> 00:03:16,329 YOU'RE WELCOME. 85 00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:21,000 YOU KNOW, AND KEEPING MY SHOES ON 86 00:03:21,032 --> 00:03:23,202 REALLY GAVE ME THAT EXTRA TRACTION. 87 00:03:24,902 --> 00:03:27,673 DOES IT EVER GET TO YOU 88 00:03:27,705 --> 00:03:29,341 THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE TO SQUEEZE THIS TIME IN 89 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,978 BETWEEN LOADS OF LAUNDRY AND BABY PUKE? 90 00:03:33,645 --> 00:03:35,013 YEAH, SOMETIMES. 91 00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:37,550 REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE FIRST DATING 92 00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:39,484 AND I HAD THAT LITTLE APARTMENT ON SHERIDAN 93 00:03:39,518 --> 00:03:40,919 WITH THE LEAKY ROOF? 94 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:44,689 REMEMBER THAT FIRST NIGHT YOU STAYED OVER, 95 00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:47,026 IT RAINED AND IT RAINED? 96 00:03:47,058 --> 00:03:48,927 AND THEN WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT, 97 00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:50,730 WE LIT CANDLES. 98 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,531 GOD... 99 00:03:52,563 --> 00:03:54,599 IT WAS SO ROMANTIC. 100 00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:57,670 DON'T YOU MISS THAT? 101 00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:59,639 [ SNORING ] 102 00:04:03,908 --> 00:04:04,943 YEAH. 103 00:04:04,977 --> 00:04:09,382 [ KYLE CRYING ] 104 00:04:09,414 --> 00:04:11,584 NO, NO, NO, HONEY, SERIOUSLY, LET ME GET IT. 105 00:04:19,524 --> 00:04:22,727 SO, I MADE SURE WE TOOK OUR TIME AT THE ICE CREAM PARLOR, 106 00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:24,563 AND WE DROVE AROUND THE BLOCK A FEW TIMES 107 00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:25,865 SO YOU AND JIM COULD, YOU KNOW, 108 00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:27,767 FINISH WHAT YOU WERE DOING. 109 00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:32,305 WHAT? 110 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:33,506 OH, COME ON, CHERYL, 111 00:04:33,538 --> 00:04:35,440 JIM OFFERS TO STAY AND HELP YOU CLEAN UP, 112 00:04:35,473 --> 00:04:38,610 AND HE TURNS DOWN ICE CREAM? 113 00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:39,778 YOU KNOW, DANA, 114 00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:40,913 WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED WITH THREE KIDS, 115 00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:42,615 YOU JUST GRAB THE TIME WHEN YOU CAN. 116 00:04:42,648 --> 00:04:44,617 WHY DON'T YOU AND JIM JUST GET AWAY? 117 00:04:44,649 --> 00:04:46,551 OH, LIKE ON A TRIP? 118 00:04:44,649 --> 00:04:46,551 YEAH. 119 00:04:46,584 --> 00:04:49,587 LOOK, I KNOW HE'S A TIGHTWAD, BUT MY TRAVEL AGENT TOLD ME 120 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,524 ABOUT THIS EXCLUSIVE PLACE IN THE BAHAMAS -- 121 00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:54,093 NO PHONES, PRIVATE BUNGALOWS, 122 00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:55,861 AND THEIR MOTTO IS "WE HATE CHILDREN." 123 00:04:57,396 --> 00:04:59,899 DANA, I CAN'T JUST PICK UP AND GO. 124 00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:01,934 I'VE GOT KYLE. THE GIRLS ARE IN SCHOOL. 125 00:05:01,966 --> 00:05:03,902 I NEED A NEW LINT TRAP FOR MY DRYER. 126 00:05:03,935 --> 00:05:05,805 I HAVE A LIFE. 127 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:08,341 NO, YOU HAVE MOM'S LIFE. 128 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,543 OW. 129 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:13,778 LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE UP ROMANCE AND SPONTANEITY 130 00:05:13,812 --> 00:05:15,782 JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE MARRIED TO JIM. 131 00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:22,088 DANA, THERE IS A WHOLE SWEET, ROMANTIC SIDE TO JIM 132 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,722 THAT YOU NEVER SEE. 133 00:05:23,755 --> 00:05:26,058 YOU KNOW, THAT MAN GAVE UP ICE CREAM FOR ME. 134 00:05:33,464 --> 00:05:36,435 YOU BRING ME BACK SOME ICE CREAM? 135 00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:37,804 NO. 136 00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:40,740 [ SCOFFS ] 137 00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:44,709 SWEETIE? 138 00:05:44,742 --> 00:05:46,112 I'LL BE UP IN A MINUTE, ALL RIGHT? 139 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,084 I'LL BE ASLEEP, BUT YOU CAN WAKE ME. 140 00:05:55,454 --> 00:05:57,689 DON'T SCRATCH IT. DON'T SCRATCH IT. 141 00:05:57,723 --> 00:05:58,858 OH! 142 00:06:00,492 --> 00:06:02,561 ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME THE NUMBER 143 00:06:02,593 --> 00:06:04,663 OF YOUR TRAVEL AGENT. 144 00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:09,935 HEY, HONEY. 145 00:06:09,968 --> 00:06:11,103 HEY. 146 00:06:11,136 --> 00:06:13,005 SO, THE TREE HOUSE IS REALLY COMING ALONG. 147 00:06:13,038 --> 00:06:15,608 YEAH, AND THE GIRLS ARE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT. 148 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:18,478 AND WHEN I SAY "GIRLS," I DO MEAN ANDY. 149 00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:22,615 I CAN HEAR YOU IN THERE! 150 00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:25,985 ANDY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING 151 00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:28,153 IN THE TREE HOUSE NOW? 152 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,655 COME ON! 153 00:06:29,687 --> 00:06:31,656 IT'S 10:00. GO HOME. 154 00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:33,625 JIM, WHILE I GOT YOU HERE, 155 00:06:33,658 --> 00:06:36,428 WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO INSTALL THE PHONE JACKS? 156 00:06:37,829 --> 00:06:41,466 I CAN THINK OF ONE PLACE, ANDY. 157 00:06:45,002 --> 00:06:47,072 WHAT'S THAT? 158 00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:49,108 WELL, I GUESS THIS IS AS GOOD A TIME 159 00:06:49,141 --> 00:06:50,443 TO TELL YOU AS ANY. 160 00:06:50,475 --> 00:06:52,411 THIS IS A BOOK. 161 00:06:54,545 --> 00:06:57,182 WHAT'S IT ABOUT? 162 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:59,151 OH, NOTHING. 163 00:06:59,184 --> 00:07:00,186 NOTHING, HUH? 164 00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:01,620 MM-HMM. 165 00:07:01,653 --> 00:07:02,888 NO. [ Laughing ] 166 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,689 NOTHING. 167 00:07:04,723 --> 00:07:07,059 "THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THE BAHAMAS"? 168 00:07:07,091 --> 00:07:09,661 YEAH, 'CAUSE WHEN WE GET THERE, 169 00:07:09,694 --> 00:07:13,031 I WANT TO KNOW WHERE ALL THE GOOD STUFF IS. 170 00:07:13,064 --> 00:07:15,033 CHERYL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 171 00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,670 I'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE HINT. 172 00:07:17,702 --> 00:07:20,072 WE'RE GOING TO THE BAHAMAS! 173 00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:22,807 JUST YOU AND ME. WE LEAVE IN THREE WEEKS. 174 00:07:22,841 --> 00:07:25,177 FOUR INCREDIBLE DAYS AT PARADISE ISLAND. 175 00:07:25,209 --> 00:07:26,544 HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 176 00:07:26,577 --> 00:07:27,779 WE CAN'T DO THAT. 177 00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:28,781 I MEAN, I'VE GOT MY WORK. 178 00:07:28,814 --> 00:07:31,550 YOU'VE GOT YOUR...KIDS. 179 00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:32,952 IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF. 180 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,220 DANA'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS, 181 00:07:34,252 --> 00:07:35,887 AND ANDY'S GONNA COVER FOR YOU AT WORK. 182 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,057 BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD A VACATION. 183 00:07:38,089 --> 00:07:40,725 HONEY, I GOT A GREAT DEAL. 184 00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:42,595 GREAT? 185 00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:43,829 OFF-SEASON, MIDWEEK, 186 00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:47,700 LAYOVER, TIMESHARE, SEMINAR. 187 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,768 WHAT ABOUT THE AIRFARE? 188 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,704 I TOLD THEM WE WERE GOING TO A FUNERAL. 189 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:52,972 THEY'RE TAKING OFF 50%. 190 00:07:54,872 --> 00:07:57,209 HONEY, DO YOU REALIZE THAT WE HAVEN'T BEEN 191 00:07:54,872 --> 00:07:57,209 ALONE 192 00:07:57,242 --> 00:07:59,512 SINCE RUBY WAS BORN? 193 00:08:01,146 --> 00:08:02,247 I KNOW. 194 00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,783 WELL, I GUESS IT COULD BE FUN. 195 00:08:04,815 --> 00:08:06,618 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER REALLY SEEN 196 00:08:06,651 --> 00:08:09,254 THOSE COCONUT BRAS EXCEPT FOR IN PICTURES. 197 00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:13,259 OH, OH, HONEY, HONEY, HONEY... 198 00:08:13,291 --> 00:08:14,259 WHAT? 199 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:15,261 BEFORE WE DO THIS... 200 00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:16,262 YES? 201 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:17,730 COULD WE TALK? 202 00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:19,798 SURE. 203 00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:19,798 OKAY. 204 00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:24,168 [ WESTERN DRAWL ] WELL, HELLO, MA'AM, MY NAME IS BUCK. 205 00:08:24,201 --> 00:08:25,937 HONEY, HONEY, HONEY, 206 00:08:25,971 --> 00:08:28,040 I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE TRIP. 207 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:31,876 YOU KNOW HOW WE'RE ALWAYS RUSHING THROUGH SEX? 208 00:08:31,910 --> 00:08:34,079 YEAH. 209 00:08:34,111 --> 00:08:35,813 WELL, I MEAN, I THOUGHT, 210 00:08:35,846 --> 00:08:38,116 WHAT IF WE HELD OFF FOR THREE WEEKS 211 00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:40,619 TILL WE GOT THERE? 212 00:08:40,652 --> 00:08:41,921 WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? 213 00:08:41,953 --> 00:08:44,055 HONEY, HONEY, JUST THINK HOW ROMANTIC IT'LL BE 214 00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:45,257 WHEN WE'RE FINALLY ALONE. 215 00:08:45,289 --> 00:08:46,824 THREE WEEKS? 216 00:08:46,857 --> 00:08:49,227 WE DIDN'T WAIT THAT LONG THE FIRST TIME. 217 00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:52,030 BUT, HONEY, THIS IS GOING TO MAKE IT FEEL JUST LIKE THE FIRST TIME. 218 00:08:52,063 --> 00:08:53,698 NO, IN ORDER TO FEEL LIKE THE FIRST TIME, 219 00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:55,967 WE NEED YOUR DAD, A BAT, AND SOME COPS. 220 00:08:56,999 --> 00:08:57,769 NO. NO WAY. 221 00:08:57,802 --> 00:08:59,004 OH, COME ON. 222 00:08:59,037 --> 00:09:01,173 WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME HERE? 223 00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:03,108 YOU WANT ME TO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY 224 00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:05,644 AND HAVE NO SEX FOR THREE WEEKS. 225 00:09:05,677 --> 00:09:07,779 IT'S LIKE I JUST HAD SURGERY. 226 00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:11,283 HONEY, YOU KNOW, IF WE DO HOLD OUT, 227 00:09:11,316 --> 00:09:14,920 I PROMISE YOU, BY THE TIME WE GET TO THE BAHAMAS, 228 00:09:14,952 --> 00:09:17,956 YOU'LL NEVER EVEN SEE THE BEACH. 229 00:09:19,024 --> 00:09:21,659 WALL TO WALL ACTION? 230 00:09:21,692 --> 00:09:23,261 OH, YEAH. 231 00:09:23,294 --> 00:09:26,097 OKAY. 232 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:34,974 LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER. 233 00:09:35,006 --> 00:09:35,875 LET ME GUESS. 234 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,710 ANOTHER LOVE NOTE FROM THE BUTT SCRATCHER. 235 00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,678 YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE WE STARTED 236 00:09:40,711 --> 00:09:43,381 THIS WHOLE HOLDING-OUT THING, HE'S BEEN SO ROMANTIC. 237 00:09:43,414 --> 00:09:44,682 YEAH, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE 238 00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:46,985 A GUY WHO'S NOT TAKING IT FOR GRANTED. 239 00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:50,221 LISTEN TO THIS. "DEAR CHERYL, 240 00:09:50,254 --> 00:09:52,290 "EVERYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE IS BECAUSE OF YOU. 241 00:09:52,323 --> 00:09:55,059 I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. JIM." 242 00:09:55,092 --> 00:09:56,628 THAT'S SWEET. I'M SURPRISED. 243 00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:57,963 OH, LOOK, THERE'S A LITTLE DRAWING ON THE BACK. 244 00:09:57,995 --> 00:10:01,000 WHY IS HE HOLDING A FLASHLIGHT? OHH! 245 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,701 AAH! 246 00:10:02,734 --> 00:10:07,239 ANDY, THE TREE HOUSE DOES NOT NEED A SKYLIGHT. 247 00:10:07,272 --> 00:10:09,875 JIM, I HAVE AN ARCHITECT'S MIND. 248 00:10:09,908 --> 00:10:12,043 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BUILD CRAP. 249 00:10:12,076 --> 00:10:13,846 YEAH? WELL, APPLY YOURSELF. 250 00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,147 FINE. WHY DON'T WE JUST SLAP TOGETHER 251 00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,015 A FLOOR AND SOME WALLS? 252 00:10:17,048 --> 00:10:18,650 YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. 253 00:10:18,683 --> 00:10:20,385 THEN IT WOULD BE A TREE HOUSE! 254 00:10:20,418 --> 00:10:22,987 SOMEBODY DOESN'T WANT THE PASSWORD 255 00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:24,923 TO THE SECURITY SYSTEM! 256 00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:32,697 HEY. 257 00:10:32,730 --> 00:10:34,799 HEY. 258 00:10:36,467 --> 00:10:37,836 I LOVE YOU. 259 00:10:37,869 --> 00:10:39,271 I LOVE YOU. 260 00:10:41,773 --> 00:10:43,274 OOPS. 261 00:10:43,307 --> 00:10:45,010 SPILLED ON MY SHIRT. 262 00:10:57,154 --> 00:10:59,957 IS HE GONNA DO THIS UNTIL YOU LEAVE? 263 00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:01,293 DANA, IT'S JUST A WEEK. 264 00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:02,927 NO, YOUR TRIP'S IN TWO WEEKS. 265 00:11:02,961 --> 00:11:04,730 NO, WE LEAVE IN A WEEK. 266 00:11:04,763 --> 00:11:06,065 UH-OH. 267 00:11:06,097 --> 00:11:07,298 DANA, I WAS VERY CLEAR WITH YOU. 268 00:11:07,331 --> 00:11:08,433 NO, I WROTE IT DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER. 269 00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:10,936 I WAS VERY SPECIFIC ABOUT OUR SCHEDULE. 270 00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:12,204 LOOK, I REMEMBER YOU SAID YOU WERE LEAVING 271 00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:14,906 THE DAY AFTER MOM'S BIRTHDAY. THAT'S THE 23rd. 272 00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,341 THAT'S THE 16th, 273 00:11:16,374 --> 00:11:18,043 WHICH I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED YOU WOULDN'T KNOW 274 00:11:18,076 --> 00:11:19,845 BECAUSE I ALWAYS BUY HER PRESENT. 275 00:11:19,878 --> 00:11:22,114 I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU. 276 00:11:26,183 --> 00:11:28,820 DANA, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR SCHEDULE. 277 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,123 WELL, I CAN'T. I'M GONNA BE IN NEW YORK ON BUSINESS. 278 00:11:31,155 --> 00:11:32,323 CAN'T YOU CHANGE YOUR TRIP? 279 00:11:32,356 --> 00:11:34,058 NO, DANA, IT'S A WHOLE PACKAGE! 280 00:11:34,091 --> 00:11:36,327 IN A FEW WEEKS, HURRICANE SEASON'S GOING TO BE OVER 281 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,264 AND PRICES ARE GOING TO SKYROCKET. 282 00:11:39,297 --> 00:11:42,468 CAN'T YOU ASK ANDY TO WATCH THE KIDS? 283 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,336 Andy: GIVE ME BACK MY HAMMER! 284 00:11:44,369 --> 00:11:47,038 ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY, JIM? 285 00:11:47,072 --> 00:11:49,173 GIVE IT! GIVE IT! 286 00:11:49,206 --> 00:11:50,842 DON'T LOOK AT ME! 287 00:11:53,511 --> 00:11:55,947 I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO TELL JIM THE TRIP IS OFF. 288 00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,282 HEY. 289 00:11:57,315 --> 00:11:59,118 HEY. 290 00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:00,852 THIS IS FOR YOU. 291 00:12:00,885 --> 00:12:02,855 OH... 292 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,389 NO MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS ROSE IS, 293 00:12:04,422 --> 00:12:12,096 IT CAN'T COMPARE TO THE BEAUTIFUL...NESS 294 00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:13,264 OF YOU. 295 00:12:13,298 --> 00:12:14,899 OH... 296 00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:21,173 LOVE YOU. 297 00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:22,240 [ SIGHS ] 298 00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,308 LOVE YOU. 299 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,783 MAYBE I'LL TELL HIM TOMORROW. 300 00:12:37,989 --> 00:12:39,258 I GOT YOUR HAMMER NOW! 301 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,793 HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? 302 00:12:50,467 --> 00:12:55,974 [ MUSIC PLAYING ] 303 00:13:02,147 --> 00:13:03,882 MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE? 304 00:13:03,914 --> 00:13:05,349 OH, JIM, I -- 305 00:13:05,383 --> 00:13:06,350 SHH. 306 00:13:06,384 --> 00:13:08,354 NO WORDS. 307 00:13:12,157 --> 00:13:15,326 OH, JIM, WE REALLY HAVE TO DISCUSS SOMETHING. 308 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,562 I KNOW, I KNOW. 309 00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,330 ONLY ONE BEER ON THE PLANE. 310 00:13:21,166 --> 00:13:24,403 OH, HONEY, UM... 311 00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:25,905 WE'RE NOT GOING ON THE TRIP. 312 00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,474 WHAT? 313 00:13:29,506 --> 00:13:32,076 THERE WAS A SCREW-UP WITH DANA'S SCHEDULE, 314 00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:34,212 AND SHE CAN'T WATCH THE KIDS. I HAD TO CANCEL. 315 00:13:34,245 --> 00:13:37,115 OH, MAN, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? 316 00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:39,585 WELL... THREE DAYS AGO. 317 00:13:40,885 --> 00:13:43,621 YOU'VE KNOWN ABOUT THIS FOR THREE DAYS? 318 00:13:43,654 --> 00:13:44,990 WELL, YEAH, BUT, HONEY, 319 00:13:45,023 --> 00:13:47,259 I'D TRY TO TELL YOU AND YOU'D -- 320 00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:51,230 YOU'D WRITE ME A POEM OR BRING ME A ROSE, 321 00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:53,065 ASK ME TO DANCE. 322 00:13:53,097 --> 00:13:56,500 AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT IT TO END. I'M SORRY. 323 00:13:56,533 --> 00:13:58,003 OH, I'M SORRY, TOO. 324 00:13:58,035 --> 00:13:59,303 I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, HONEY. 325 00:13:59,336 --> 00:14:00,972 YEAH. 326 00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:03,141 OKAY. LET'S HAVE SEX. 327 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:07,211 WHAT? 328 00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:08,614 DO THE MATH. 329 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:10,315 YOU OWE ME THREE DAYS' WORTH. 330 00:14:10,347 --> 00:14:12,317 I OWE YOU? 331 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,086 YEAH. YOU BETTER GET STARTED. 332 00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:16,088 YOU GOT CHILDREN TO RAISE. 333 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,121 OKAY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 334 00:14:17,154 --> 00:14:19,257 THESE PAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN -- 335 00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:20,959 BEEN SO SPECIAL TO ME. 336 00:14:20,991 --> 00:14:22,593 IT'S LIKE YOU WERE COURTING ME AGAIN. 337 00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:24,161 WHAT, IS THAT OUT THE WINDOW? 338 00:14:24,195 --> 00:14:26,431 NO, I WAS GONNA KISS YOU. 339 00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:28,400 YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE. 340 00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,635 I KNOW, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. 341 00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:36,107 ALL RIGHT. 342 00:14:38,509 --> 00:14:40,645 GO AHEAD. TAKE ME. 343 00:14:40,678 --> 00:14:42,581 DO WHAT YOU WANT. 344 00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:44,917 YES! 345 00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:49,454 COULD YOU BE MORE INSENSITIVE? 346 00:14:49,486 --> 00:14:51,923 WOULD IT MAKE YOU HOTTER? 347 00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:53,991 WHAT? CHERYL? 348 00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:55,660 "WHAT?" 349 00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:55,660 CHERYL, COME ON. 350 00:14:55,693 --> 00:14:57,461 YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN LYING ABOUT THIS 351 00:14:57,495 --> 00:15:01,265 FOR THREE DAYS, AND I'M THE ONE IN TROUBLE? 352 00:15:01,298 --> 00:15:02,701 Andy: WOMEN. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 353 00:15:02,734 --> 00:15:04,168 ANDY! 354 00:15:10,642 --> 00:15:13,177 OKAY, ALL YOU DO IS GO UP TO YOUR DAD 355 00:15:13,211 --> 00:15:15,947 AND SAY, "DADDY, WE THINK THAT CROWN MOLDING 356 00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:19,418 "WILL ADD AN AIR OF TIMELESS ELEGANCE 357 00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,019 TO OUR TREE HOUSE." 358 00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:23,055 CAN YOU DO THAT? 359 00:15:23,087 --> 00:15:24,589 YOU SMELL LIKE CHICKEN. 360 00:15:31,395 --> 00:15:33,197 HEY. 361 00:15:33,230 --> 00:15:34,933 HELLO. 362 00:15:37,101 --> 00:15:39,504 HEY, JIM, SHE'S NOT MOVING. JUMP ON HER. 363 00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:49,480 THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S REALLY GREAT. 364 00:15:49,514 --> 00:15:51,582 EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY 365 00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:54,151 ALWAYS HAS TO KNOW ABOUT OUR PRIVATE STUFF. 366 00:15:54,184 --> 00:15:55,453 OH, BELIEVE ME, IT'S NO NEWS FLASH 367 00:15:55,486 --> 00:15:57,288 THAT ALL GUYS CARE ABOUT IS SEX. 368 00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:58,256 THANK YOU. 369 00:15:58,289 --> 00:16:00,725 AND ANY GUY THAT TELLS YOU ANYTHING DIFFERENT 370 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:04,462 IS EITHER LYING OR JUST HAD SEX. 371 00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:07,331 SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THESE PAST FEW DAYS 372 00:16:07,365 --> 00:16:09,533 WHEN YOU'VE BEEN SO ROMANTIC, 373 00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:11,635 ALL YOU REALLY CARED ABOUT WAS GETTING SOME? 374 00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:13,170 YES! 375 00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:14,538 WELL, THAT WAS OUR AGREEMENT -- 376 00:16:14,572 --> 00:16:19,076 NO-GETTIN'-SOME, THEN A LOTTA SOME. 377 00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:21,480 THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, JIM. 378 00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:24,048 OH, COME ON, CHERYL. I WAS JUST BEING HONEST WITH YOU. 379 00:16:24,081 --> 00:16:25,583 I MEAN, ALL GUYS ARE LIKE THAT. 380 00:16:25,616 --> 00:16:27,151 THAT'S WHY WE OPEN DOORS FOR YOU. 381 00:16:27,184 --> 00:16:28,486 THAT'S WHY WE SEND YOU FLOWERS. 382 00:16:28,519 --> 00:16:30,188 THAT'S WHY WE REMEMBER YOUR NAMES. 383 00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:33,091 OH, COME ON! 384 00:16:33,124 --> 00:16:34,459 THE FIRST NIGHT WE MET, YOU TOLD ME 385 00:16:34,491 --> 00:16:36,360 THAT EVEN IF YOU NEVER SAW ME AGAIN, 386 00:16:36,394 --> 00:16:39,697 IT WAS ENOUGH JUST TO KNOW THAT A WOMAN LIKE ME EXISTED. 387 00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:41,732 WELL, HONEY, I SAID THAT TO A BUNCH OF WOMEN THAT NIGHT. 388 00:16:41,765 --> 00:16:43,367 REALLY? 389 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,603 CHERYL, THE WAY YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME, 390 00:16:45,636 --> 00:16:49,240 YOU WERE THERE FOR THE EXACT SAME REASON I WAS. 391 00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:50,475 GUESS WHAT. 392 00:16:50,508 --> 00:16:51,810 I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING AT YOU. 393 00:16:51,842 --> 00:16:54,045 CHERYL. 394 00:16:51,842 --> 00:16:54,045 COME ON, CHERYL. 395 00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:56,180 YOU WERE PRACTICALLY DROOLING ALL OVER ME. 396 00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:57,549 ACTUALLY... 397 00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:57,549 CHERYL, DON'T TELL HIM -- 398 00:16:57,581 --> 00:17:00,085 I WAS DROOLING OVER THE GUY BEHIND YOU. 399 00:17:00,118 --> 00:17:01,754 YOU WERE IN THE WAY. 400 00:17:07,424 --> 00:17:09,794 OKAY. 401 00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:12,530 THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW. 402 00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:14,700 SINCE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES. 403 00:17:16,433 --> 00:17:18,202 OHH. 404 00:17:18,236 --> 00:17:20,405 I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT. 405 00:17:20,438 --> 00:17:25,410 CHERYL, AS YOUR BROTHER, MAYBE I CAN HELP. 406 00:17:25,442 --> 00:17:28,680 I THINK WHAT JIM NEEDS FROM YOU RIGHT NOW IS... 407 00:17:28,712 --> 00:17:31,250 IS ABOUT 50 LINEAR FEET OF CROWN MOLDING. 408 00:17:43,327 --> 00:17:45,064 KIDS? 409 00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,735 CHERYL? 410 00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:53,439 ANYBODY? 411 00:17:59,743 --> 00:18:02,113 "PLAY ME." 412 00:18:02,146 --> 00:18:03,081 HMM. 413 00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:08,120 Cheryl, on video: HI, JIM. 414 00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,589 I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET, AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT. 415 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:14,326 I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT THING. 416 00:18:14,358 --> 00:18:18,163 AND I REALLY WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 417 00:18:19,696 --> 00:18:22,700 GRACIE, STOP LICKING YOUR SISTER! 418 00:18:22,733 --> 00:18:25,603 Gracie: SHE LICKED ME FIRST! 419 00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:27,605 I DON'T CARE! 420 00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:30,808 ANYWAY... 421 00:18:32,376 --> 00:18:36,181 I WANT YOU TO MEET ME UP IN THE TREE HOUSE. 422 00:18:36,213 --> 00:18:38,884 I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU. 423 00:18:38,916 --> 00:18:42,520 I GOTTA GO. GOODBYE. 424 00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:47,192 [ THUNDER ] 425 00:18:48,625 --> 00:18:50,561 HI. 426 00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:54,466 I GOT YOUR TAPE. 427 00:18:57,434 --> 00:19:00,672 YOU SURE YOU WANT ME HERE AND NOT THAT OTHER GUY? 428 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:01,906 WHAT GUY? 429 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,475 THE GUY, THE GUY -- YOU KNOW THE GUY. 430 00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:05,277 THE GUY BEHIND ME. THE GUY IF I EVER MEET HIM, 431 00:19:05,309 --> 00:19:07,244 I'M GONNA KICK HIS BUTT. THAT GUY. 432 00:19:07,278 --> 00:19:11,716 HONEY, I LOOKED AT HIM FOR TWO SECONDS. 433 00:19:11,749 --> 00:19:14,920 I SPENT THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU. 434 00:19:14,952 --> 00:19:17,521 OH, I'M SORRY. 435 00:19:17,555 --> 00:19:20,225 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 436 00:19:20,258 --> 00:19:23,595 WELL, ALL RIGHT. 437 00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:27,932 SINCE YOU'RE NEW AT THIS "I'VE DONE SOMETHING STUPID 438 00:19:27,965 --> 00:19:29,800 AND I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU" THING, 439 00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:33,772 I GUESS I CAN WALK YOU THROUGH THE STEPS. 440 00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:37,409 YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T WE SEE HOW I DO ON MY OWN? 441 00:19:39,576 --> 00:19:41,546 WHOA! 442 00:19:41,578 --> 00:19:44,849 YOU JUST SKIPPED TO STEP FIVE. 443 00:19:47,484 --> 00:19:48,852 I LOVE MY LIFE WITH YOU 444 00:19:48,885 --> 00:19:50,622 AND OUR BEAUTIFUL KIDS 445 00:19:50,654 --> 00:19:54,259 AND THIS RIDICULOUSLY OVER-THE-TOP TREE HOUSE. 446 00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:56,760 YEAH. I WAS THINKING OF MOVING IN HERE 447 00:19:56,794 --> 00:19:58,764 AND GIVING THE HOUSE TO THE KIDS. 448 00:20:00,464 --> 00:20:03,434 SO, HONEY... 449 00:20:00,464 --> 00:20:03,434 HMM? 450 00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:06,538 HOW MANY WOMEN DID YOU HIT ON THAT NIGHT? 451 00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:08,339 FIVE. 452 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:09,641 ALTHOUGH IT TURNS OUT ONE OF THEM 453 00:20:09,673 --> 00:20:11,343 WASN'T APPARENTLY A WOMAN. 454 00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:16,580 AHEM. 455 00:20:16,614 --> 00:20:18,350 ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO CONFESS? 456 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:22,319 YOU MEAN ABOUT THAT NIGHT, OR LIFE IN GENERAL? 457 00:20:22,353 --> 00:20:23,721 LET'S OPEN IT UP. 458 00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:25,423 OPEN IT UP? 459 00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:25,423 OH, YEAH. 460 00:20:25,455 --> 00:20:28,592 WELL, UH, OKAY. 461 00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:31,363 I WASN'T REALLY SCOUTED BY THE CUBS 462 00:20:31,395 --> 00:20:32,998 WHEN I WAS ON THE HIGH SCHOOL BASEBALL TEAM. 463 00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:35,701 WOW. ANYTHING ELSE? 464 00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:40,505 I WASN'T ON THE HIGH SCHOOL BASEBALL TEAM. 465 00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:44,776 ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SPILL? 466 00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:48,814 I WAS NEVER A VOLUNTEER FIREWOMAN IN COLLEGE. 467 00:20:49,946 --> 00:20:53,384 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE. 468 00:20:56,487 --> 00:20:59,291 LISTEN TO THE RAIN. 469 00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:02,827 IT'S JUST LIKE IT WAS THAT FIRST NIGHT. 470 00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:10,669 YEAH. 471 00:21:15,506 --> 00:21:19,778 HOW LONG DO YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO THE RAIN? 472 00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:20,846 ALL NIGHT. 473 00:21:24,414 --> 00:21:27,751 BUT I CAN DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE. 474 00:21:27,785 --> 00:21:30,855 I SURE HOPE ONE OF THEM IS SEX. 31560

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