All language subtitles for Travel Man 48 Hours In S01E01 Barcelona 720p WEB-DL H265 BONE

Hello. I'm Richard Ayoade,

the internationally regarded
face of Gadget Man.

But for the next half-hour of
mould-shattering television,

this face is going to
pack its oversize bag

and fly to foreign shores.

Watch as I radically
alter my persona.

I'm briefly quelling my fear
of leaving home

in order to explore warmer climes.

'My stated goal is to show you
the component parts

'of a triumphant weekend away...'

Oh, dear.

'..with the minimum of minutage,
coin and faff.

Bang!

'This time we have 48 hours to
extract a full flagon of holiday joy

'from the Catalan wonder
of Barcelona.

'I'm travelling with the frankly
magnificent Kathy Burke.'

We're basically guinea pigs.

'With whom I will discuss
modern art... '

Know what I see in that?
Zippy from Rainbow.

'..astonishing sporting triumphs...'

I am very impressed.
Yeah, this is dynamite(!)

'..and the intriguing
culinary trends...'

Another success.

There you go.

'..of this wondrous wedge
of Spain as we take you...'

Oh, hello!

'..unbidden through a generally
acceptable weekend away.'

We're here, but should we have come?

If personal space isn't your jam,

then feel free to trundle
to Barcelona by bus.

While those who want to make
those R'n'B dreams a reality

could charter themselves
a private jet.

Chastened by the commercial failure
of my last two rap albums,

I've chosen a more affordable

public aircraft,

while Kathy travels by train
into Barcelona Sants Station.

Oh, yeah. Hola.

Finally rocking up.

I've been waiting here for
about two minutes. I'm livid.

I almost punched my way
through this girder.

Well, thank you for joining me.
Pleasure. Thank you for asking.

The train, I imagine, was a delight.
It was, actually.

I still can't hear anything.
From the plane.

So, I know this is your show...

Well, nominally.
..but I'm gonna ask you a question.

Why have you brought me to Barcelona?

I'm gonna flippin' run it down now.

7.5 million tourists fling
themselves here every year,

and while I instinctively
reject majority verdicts,

this level of popularity
must be taken into account.

As well as being in Spain

we're also in the capital
of the Catalonia region,

which has its own language and flag.

If you plan your trip frugally
you can get here,

sleep, munch and quaff

for just �69 each

for a whole weekend.

Catalonia is where they invented
Chupa Chups.

And the last in this amazing
series of compelling reasons

is that they don't have
a tooth fairy here.

They have a tooth mouse.
A tooth mouse? Tooth mouse.

'We arrive at our
carefully chosen digs.'

This is it. Oh, crumbs.
Yeah. All right.

'El Palauet contains
just six two-bedroom suites

'and is located in one of
Barcelona's

'most exclusive boulevards.'

But we're sharing this, yeah?
Yes. Oh. OK.

Little bit worried about that.

Are there locks?

Yes, once you close the door
it's like your own room. Great!

What do you think I am, the Midnight
Rambler? I'm a married man.

I'm just saying... You fear assault.

I don't fear assault,
I fear a chancer.

A chan...? A chancer.

SHE LAUGHS

Good grief.

Well, this isn't shabby, is it? No.

Me and Donald Trump
will take that one

and then you can
spread out in there.

Barcelona is only half
the size of Birmingham

and can easily be navigated by leg.

Or from a classic motorbike
and sidecar, like this one.

But because we couldn't decide
who would be Wallace

and who would be Gromit,

we choose an alternative
mode of transport.

We're gonna get one of these.
Oh. Trixi cab.

Yes, take us to
the points of interest. Oh, wow.

'Trixi Pedicab tours can be arranged
throughout Barcelona.

'Ours begins ten minutes from the
hotel at Trixi's city centre base.'

Oh, hello!

Bear in mind safety, don't go crazy.

Sight one is the literally towering
Christopher Columbus Monument.

The Italian explorer is said to have
returned to this very point

on Barcelona's coast after
his successful voyage to America.

And is it true that he's pointing
in the wrong direction?

That's right. He should be pointing
to the west. Yes, to America.

Maybe they should
just have him go...

'But as we attempt to
appreciate the Gothic

'architecture of the 14th century
Santa Maria Church...'

That's amazing.

'..our tour is vindictively ruined

'by one of Barcelona's rare
rainy spells.

'The thought of getting wet
is so appalling that we agree

'to take shelter in a museum,
of all places.

'And it happens to be the most
popular one in all of Barcelona.'

Are you excited by the prospect
of a football museum?

Well, I wasn't,
but I am now we're here.

I feel it's my duty to pour scorn
on this in a glib way. Gracias.

'With no emotional connection to
football whatsoever, Kathy and I

'are uniquely placed to
dispassionately survey

'this cathedral to
the art of ball kicking.'

Well...

here we are in the Trophy Room.
Yeah.

The website advertises this
as a "tour of emotion."

I am getting a bit stirred up.

Boredom is an emotion, isn't it?
Boredom is an emotion, yeah. Yeah.

I can't 'elp but be impressed.

It's arbitrary, though.
They've been going for ever.

Now, these are nice and fancy.

The Catalan Cup.
Thank God those are here(!)

I could be here for minutes.

Can we pick up the pace a bit?

Cos these seem quite
similar to the other ones.

'Barcelona FC's greatest kicker
of balls is genuinely called

'Mr Messi, and has a whole area
dedicated just to him

'and how good
he's supposedly meant to be.

'But of more interest to Kathy

'is the museum's greenscreen
photo studio.'

Just stand under the light here and
imagine Messi's next to you here.

And you've got your arm
around his waist. OK?

All right, big smile!

That's great.

And do you want to have photos as
well? I don't care for this team.

Why not? I just don't care
about football.

Just stand next to Messi.

OK. Just pretend to know him,
for the picture.

Pretend he's your friend. OK.

I just need you to put this arm up.

Why would...? I wouldn't touch
Messi. I don't know him.

It's inappropriate.

Do it. Click it.

You really want to take
this picture like that?

I don't want to take
the picture at all,

but given that the picture's
being taken... It's brilliant.

'Distressed by their lack
of empathy...'

Give my regards to Messi. I will.

'..I make one last search for
sincerity by ascending

'to the apogee of the sporting
basilica - the terrace.'

You can't not be impressed.

At the volume of seats?

There are a lot of seats here.

Enough for nearly 100,000 people.
99 and a half.

That would frustrate me.

Surely they could have fit another
500 in and make it even. Yeah.

It's sort of amazing, though, no?

I feel bad. I'm sure there are many
people who would love to be here.

But, in a way,
life is more enjoyable

if you only enjoy very few things.

Because the things I enjoy
I have access to. Yeah.

Marbles, books, and French
New Wave films. Oh, right.

It's gonna break my heart to leave
but can we? Absolutely.

Yeah, let's do...anything else.
Adios! Yeah.

I liked it, you know. No.

'As much as I want to share
Kathy's excitement,

'I felt absolutely dead inside.

'And, even more crucially,

'have developed a thirst
specifically for sparkling wine.

'You know, Catalonia is
famous for its Cava -

'the Spanish equivalent of
champagne - so we head to

'one of the world's most boss
wine shops to learn about it.'

Thanks for having us.

Which fizzy wine
are we starting with?

'First we discover that Cava
is made using the same technique

'as champagne, but with
different grapes.'

Xarel-lo, macabeu y parellada.

These are the three grapes, the
classical, coupage, from the Cava.

They sound like great grapes, yes.

Oh, there we go.

'We have five bottles to try, each
with a supposedly unique character.'

OK, I don't know what you did there

but I'll try and
make that same face.

This is good. Tiny bit sharp.

'Each bottle is from Catalonia,

'where the majority of Cava
is produced.

'And we're told
they all look different.'

I'm not very good at this.

This is a relatively similar
colour to the other ones.

It's different from the other.

It is more similar than different,
I'd say, though.

'Adding new grapes like Chardonnay

'is said to radically alter
the flavour.'

This is like a giving a very
fine thing to an idiot,

is what you're currently doing.

I've no palate, I literally...
It seems fine. Mm.

No, I could taste it's more creamy.

You're getting cream? Not actual
cream. Like Custard Cream? No!

Oh!

'Five glasses in,

'we approach the nuances
of Cava-tasting technique.'

Me, I was more than one year
to know how to do this.

You did this every morning
for a year? Yes.

THEY LAUGH
Did you get a lot done that year?

Is that what's referred to
as your "lost year"?

Bit like John Lennon in New York.

'And then, in a ringing endorsement
of the Cava-tasting process,

'Kathy erupts with joy.'
SHE LAUGHS

Kathy's having a small aneurism
here.

All I know is, say I had a sip of
this, and then an hour later someone

switched glasses in this episode
of Columbo that I'm in -

I wouldn't go... "What's happened?

"This is a completely
different drink."

I mean, as I say, I have no palate.

'With our bodies in disarray,

'we draw this heady experience
to its conclusion.'

Thank you very much for putting up
with us. You're welcome.

Thank you very much.
I wouldn't wish me on anyone.

So I apologise.

'With head spinning, we stumble back
to our quarters

'in order to cop some Zs.

'Next morn, our relentless
48 hours continues with art...'

We can probably get this done
in 70 seconds if we focus.

'..theatrical food...'
Look at that.

'..and vertigo...'

I can't even look down there, mate!

'..as we pretend to guide you
through a Catalonian minibreak.'

Actress Kathy Burke and me,
the Alan Whicker it's OK to hate,

Richard Ayoade,
are thrashing through

a relentless weekend in Barcelona.

Day one was a whirlwind of ludicrous
sports and beverage consumption.

You're getting cream?
Not actual cream.

'Day one is now followed by what
we are already calling day two.

'Barcelona is famous for its
frankly well good galleries

'and I urgently wish to start
the day by showing Kathy the work

'of everyone's favourite
20th-century Catalan surrealist,

'Joan Miro.'

Thank you. Not at all.

'The Miro foundation displays
some of his most famous work

'and has an audio guide to escort
you through the mire of forming

'art-based opinions.'

I wish I had one of these
in my normal life.

Just going down the street.

"You should be moved
by this small child.

"It has so much hope.

"Stop thinking about your mortgage."

302.

What do you want to know?
What is it?

'What you see here
is a scale model...'

It's a scale model of a monument
he designed for the city of Paris.

Oh, OK. And what is it?
'He chose a truly poetic...'

He chose a truly poetic title
for the piece. Which is...?

Lovers Playing With Almond Blossom.

'Take a few seconds to think about
who these two lovers could be.'

Zippy from Rainbow.

After, you know, one of his eyes has
been gouged out. Yes, by George.

'With Kathy unmoved, and
with limited stocks of patience,

'I press on.

'Surely a quick eye-blast of Miro's
paintings will floor the woman.'

We can probably get this done in 70
seconds if we focus. Look at this.

He painted this one
on copper in 1935.

Just one year before the outbreak of
the Spanish Civil War, as we know.

He had just moved out of Barcelona,
actually,

where political tension
was on the rise. Oh, wow.

You can see that in the work.

This isn't my sort of thing,
I have to say.

I'm a bit more straight, a bit more
figurative. Right. OK. Portraiture.

I like that sort of stuff, really.

'And so, as Kathy berates Miro

'in favour of that sell-out hack,
Pablo Picasso...'

That's BLEEP for me.

'..the time of lunch falls upon us'

Barcelona is renowned
for its first-rate cuisine

so I have ignored Kathy's aversion
to adventurous comestibles

and used her credit card to
secure us some lunch at a fancy

eatery called Uma.

I'm not going to wait
for you to thank me

so I'm just going to tell you
why this is so good. Thank you.

This is a clandestine
restaurant. Which means...?

Which means it's not always open.
You have to follow it on Facebook.

It's run by Iker Erauzkin,

who developed the food for some of
Barcelona's 20 Michelin-starred

restaurants and uses this place
as a testing ground for new ideas.

So we're basically guinea pigs?
Yes, we are testers. OK.

We are not here for brave potatoes.

We are here for a surprisingly
affordable six-course banquet

of Iker's latest creations.

'This meal, which is designed
to toy with our senses,

'starts with a winter landscape of
truffles and dehydrated vegetables.'

I don't want to be a heathen, but...

..I feel slightly alarmed
there's not a plate.

It's quite rich.

It is quite fancy.

'Next, a liquefied olive
in a semisolid membrane.'

I'm not going to lie -
I don't know how to eat this.

Take the glass like this.
OK. And you just... Yes.

Like a shot. Yeah.

A shot glass of olives.
OK. You go first, though.

Wow. That was wholly unexpected.
I'm scared.

It is fine.

This is why I can't do the jungle -
gnat's bollocks and all that.

No?

There you go.

How's that?

I don't know whether that
is going to hit the top five

restaurants in Barcelona,
or maybe it is.

It's a bit like eating an eye. Yes.

It pops. Yes. There we go.

Let's bring on the... Next course.

'Course three, two mini baked
potatoes coated with edible clay

'and served with marine plankton,
tests Kathy yet further.'

How's that?

Another success?

There we go.

We need the spittoon. Spittoon.

'An edible yucca plant in the guise
of coal has more success.'

Oh, raw. Good.

'And the watermelon that looks like
tuna is a mid-meal revelation.'

He gets his kicks
giving someone, like, a Wispa

but he has actually taken a Lion Bar
and put it in a Wispa packet.

"Wait until they taste the peanuts.
They won't know what's happened."

'After a white chocolate
and almond-based pudding

'that's disguised as
a large sausage...'

That is good.

'..Iker reveals his culinary climax.
Bubbly custard.'

Look at that. It's amazing.

It's like when you blow through the
straw but you don't have to do that.

Mm.

I feel this is the kind of meal
other people would bore you about.

Take photos of it, those sort
of people. Oh! Good night.

'This extraordinarily theatrical

'and often emotional meal...'

There you go.

'..has been a savagely varied
experience.'

You know the drill.

We've eaten. Now we bolt.

'And so, with hoodwinked stomachs,

'we must conclude our mini break
at a suitably Spanish location.

'We could choose the street
hub of La Rambla,

'where caricature artists
translate your visage

'into an extraordinarily
vivid pencil drawing.'

Yeah, wow. Thank you.

That's really... That's something.

'Or La Sagrada Familia, the most
famous yet still unfinished

'work of Barcelona's
architectural prodigy, Gaudi.

'But as we need thinking space
to form our holiday verdicts,

'we're heading to
one of the golden beaches

'with which Barcelona is bestrewn.

'But how should we make
that journey,

'given our lack of
proximity thereto?

'Our dilemma is profound
and pressing.'

The quickest way is along there.

Now, normally,
I would just, you know,

take my belt off and zip-line it.
But you can get a cable car.

Yes. I'm a bit worried about this.

I'm very scared of heights. Yes.

I don't think I'm gonna do it
with you, Rich.

I'm just a bit nervous about it,
Richard. Yes, I understand.

You can't force me, Richard.
I wouldn't wish to.

I don't want to get into that
tiny little... But you have to,

because it's called Travel Man,
isn't it?

I have to. Otherwise,
my persona as a man who loves

travel in all its aspects
will be shattered.

So you get on the cable car
and I will

get in the back of the van. Yes. I'll
see you on the other side, Richard.

I WILL see you on the other side.
You may see me on the other side.

I will. It doesn't look
thick enough.

I can't even look down there,
mate. Right. See you.

This precarious
potential coffin,

just ten minutes from
the Miro Museum, will carry me

to the Barceloneta neighbourhood,

home to the city's
most popular beach.

'And so our trip ends as it began,
with me, a near saint, selflessly

'waiting for Kathy to
arrive by an inefficient

'mode of transportation.' Hola.

Hello. Enjoy your trip, did you?
I did.

Much better to be in the back of the
van... Yes. ..then up on the cable.

I probably should have realised
you were coming

when they started filming.

So, how do you feel about
being on a beach in winter?

This is perfect for me.
Winter beach. Yes.

I mean, I wouldn't ordinarily
sit down.

I'm just doing this because it looks
so aesthetically pleasing.

'While a frugal weekend here
can be had for ?69, my quest to

'show Kathy the Catalan highlife
means we've blown 850 quid apiece.

'But we enjoyed presidential luxury
while we slept...'

What do you think I am,
the Midnight Rambler?

'..ate a six-course meal
of highfalutin cuisine...'

Overall...good.

'..and drank so much Cava that
Kathy lost her sense of self...'

Kathy is having
a small aneurysm here.

'..Barcelona is an almost bottomless
quarry of artistic and architectural

'ephemera but it is also a place
where cultural enrichment

'comes at a cost.'

Would you come back to Barcelona?

Absolutely. I really would, actually.

And now I know, as well, that
it's a few hours sitting in a train,

I might be back
sooner than you think.

What, like, tomorrow?

Next time, I'm joined by
comedian Adam Hills in Istanbul.

Clench. Just clench.

I think we can now stare
meaningfully into the sea. OK.

Subtitles by
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