Original subtitles

Previously on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

You need to use one

of your eliminated sister's materials...

Whoa!

To create festive fashions.

It had a lot of safety pins.

I wasn't expecting how many safety pins

it was gonna have. - There are 800.

Bitch, safety pins was not in that goddamn suitcase.

That's some shenanigans.

Jane Don't.

You have done a miraculous job on it.

Kenya Pleaser.

So technically well done.

I think this silhouette has perfect balance.

I'd like to say one of you is a winner, baby.

But first, I need to see you lip-sync.

Jane Don't, you're a winner, baby.

Yes, queen.

Whoo-hoo!

Oh, my God, honey.

Ooh, honey! - Yes.

We're back in the Werk Room.

And nobody was eliminated, even though everybody thought

somebody should be eliminated.

Discord.

Oh, my God. Oh.

Half of 14 still. - Hey.

Shit.

- Still seven. - Still seven.

Why is there still seven of us?

That's annoying.

I was ready to get the number shorter.

Sorry, Discord.

- Discord? - Yes.

How do you feel post

the "who should go home" question?

Who should go home tonight, and why?

I'm afraid I would have to say Discord.

Yes, the safety pins look great,

but it was not in the box.

I would say Discord.

Discord was not as resourceful.

I'll say Discord.

Discord could have pushed it further

with using some other fabrics.

It does suck to have every single person say your name.

But it was, like, pretty safety pin-based.

If you make it a part of your brand,

you can have as many exposed safety pins as you want.

She didn't care that she broke

the rules of the challenge, and she still stayed.

So, annoying.

All I heard was that Iman said I should be a designer.

I forgot that you guys want me to go home

because Iman wants me to be a designer.

My outfit is very clearly beautiful.

If all the girls would not have named me,

I could have been in the top.

Maybe I'll be in the top next week.

Now, I think I need to be drinking whatever the fuck

Ms. Addams' delusional ass is drinking,

because, bitch, it's working.

She does not give a fuck--

a flying fuck, actually-- what we have to think.

Well, Jane, congrats.

Jane, extra congrats.

Congrats, Janey.

This was, like, the first time in this competition

where I was sweating.

So I'm feeling shockingly...

confident.

Maybe I'm actually kind of good at this.

I am the first queen in the competition

to get to three wins.

And I feel like this cements me as the front-runner.

And I am just ready to take that energy and keep it moving.

Kenya, the very first week,

you were near the bottom for the design,

and now you're in the top for design.

To be in the top two for design challenge--

- You better work. - Jesus!

Oh, Lord, Patti, Lord--

I need buy a Patti Pie as soon as I get home.

Patti Pie.

I want a Patti Pie right now, bitch.

Jane, is this how it feels? Like...

It's nice, right?

Honey, I've had a mid-season turnaround.

Thank you, Jesus.

And for the past two weeks, I feel like

I've been killing these challenges.

But I'm getting edged and edged and edged.

And, bitch, I need to bust.

Bitch, I want to win. I came close.

She snatched it out my bosom.

"I'm Jane Don't.

I don't do anything bad 'cause I win everything!"

God damn it!

I'm one of the few girls without a win.

And Jane has been in the top every single week.

And it would be so nice to see her at least safe.

Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane.

Kenya, you're going to "Showgirls" Jane?

Yeah, I'm gonna piss in her contact solution.

I'm gonna Nancy Kerrigan those kneecaps.

♪ "RuPaul's Drag Race" ♪

The winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race"

will snatch an official makeup collaboration

with Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics

and a cash prize of $200,000,

courtesy of "RuPaul's Drag Race

Match Queen,"

with extra-special guest judge Atsuko Okatsuka.

♪ "RuPaul's Drag Race" ♪

♪ May the best drag queen win, best drag queen win ♪

It's a new day!

Ooh.

It is a brand-new day in the Werk Room.

And, bitch, I feel good, honey.

I'm still relishing off of my top placement from last week.

It does feel good that we did a whole challenge,

and they were like, you all are too sickening,

so we got to keep you all.

Do you think there could be--

the judges could catch up and do a double elimination?

- Nini... - Girl, stop.

Let's not--like, why would you even, like,

play with that right now?

We're always having a good time, and then here comes Nini.

Ooh, girl, she done already done had herses.

- Herses. - Herses.

Ru Rule number 87--

throwing shade takes a bit of creativity.

Being a bitch takes none.

Ooh!

Nini.

Hello, hello, hello.

all: Hi.

You're looking very dapper today.

Suit realness.

My lucky seven, good morning.

all: Good morning, Ru.

I want you to stop and take a moment

to celebrate the sweet smell of success...

because for today's Mini Challenge,

you need to say it and spray it,

as you make sensational perfume videos.

Oh, I love it.

I love the smell.

First, you'll select one of the transformational

fragrances provided by Scentbird.

Then you'll get into quick before-and-after drag.

And in the end, the queen who comes out smelling

like a rose wins.

Smell the skin, darling.

- All of it. - All of it.

Ready, scent, spray.

Scentbird New York.

- So many to choose from. - Open those nostrils, ladies.

The first step in this Mini Challenge

is picking which fragrance we will be making our ad for.

Whoa.

I think I'm going to choose this one.

Now that we've chosen our fragrances,

it's time to go make a commercial.

Okay, queens, let's take a look at your perfume videos.

Jane Don't.

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Bitch Please, by Confessions of a Rebel.

I'm not delusional.

You are!

Darlene Mitchell.

Life is 80% aspiration, 20%...

Perspiration.

Steamed Rainbow by D.S. & Durga.

Smell all my colors.

Discord Addams.

I've never met a stranger that I didn't love.

Oh, Yes, by Confessions of a Rebel,

for the gal who has everything--

Except boundaries.

Myki Meeks.

Men say I'm high-maintenance.

I prefer luxury model.

I'm Expensive by Deck of Scarlet,

for the bitch who's fully loaded.

Whore, for she who is.

Oh, yes, bitch.

Juicy Love Dion.

People say I'm full of it.

And they're right.

Intention by Fluid Project.

That's my power you're smelling.

Ooh.

Kenya Pleaser.

I like my wigs how I like my relationships--

messy.

Dirty Peach by Heretic.

Bad choices smell good.

Nini Coco.

What's love got to do with it?

You tell me.

Catch Feelings by 5 Sens.

I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed.

Yeah!

Ladykins, you are all smell-oquent.

But one of you hit just the right top note.

The winner of today's Mini Challenge is...

Myki Meeks.

Oh, my God.

Yay!

Another Mini Challenge win?

I'm on a hot streak.

You've won a cash prize of $2,500...

Yes. Oh, my gosh.

Courtesy of Scentbird.

Thank you, Scentbird.

My queens, in the "Drag Race" multiverse,

there is one superstar

who is truly out of her mind.

Only one?

For this week's Maxi Challenge,

you'll be toasting and roasting the winner

of "RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars"...

Oh, my God.

Alyssa Edwards.

The one and only Ms... Alyssa Edwards.

You know, the bitch from season 5,

the bitch from "All Stars 2,"

and the winner of "Global All Stars."

And, remember, she don't get cute.

She gets... all: Drop dead gorgeous.

Alyssa is known for her tongue pops...

Her floor work as Annie Oakley,

fighting with Coco Montrese...

Girl, look how orange you fucking look, girl.

For her many, many catchphrases.

Back rolls?

Gila monster?

Rigga Morris, girl.

You think you're clever, don't you?

Now, later today you'll workshop

your toast material with Michelle Visage

and the she-larious Atsuko Okatsuka.

- Oh! - I love her.

I love roasts.

This is such an essential component

of what being a drag queen is about.

It's reading.

It's comedy writing.

So I'm extremely excited to do this.

Now, tomorrow on the main stage,

you'll raise your glasses and asses

as you give a toast to Alyssa Edwards.

At this point in the competition,

it's really important to get a win.

But I don't really quite know how to roast.

Now, Myki, as the winner of today's Mini Challenge,

you get to pick the toast order.

- Oh. - Ooh.

Racers, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

Yes!

For this roast, everybody's fair game,

including the other queens.

And the queens feel that I come in hot.

So every time that I say anything,

it's getting hit with, ooh, whoa, whoa.

And now I've got to roast these girls.

Ugh.

This week's Maxi Challenge, we are roasting and toasting

the one and only Ms. Alyssa Edwards.

Oh, I can't say that. Oh, I can't say--

- Oh, I can't say that. - I can't say that.

And, girl, I'm excited.

I feel like I'm a funny bitch.

I've never roasted.

I'm not a roaster. - That's so strange.

You are such a mean, despicable person.

I would have figured this is in your wheelhouse.

I would think that...

I'm sorry?

That's where you go, you too.

So, for this roast, I'm just kind of coming up

with words that I find funny.

It's time for Alyssa Edwards to quit drag, full stop.

Bitch, sit your ass down

and shut the hell up, bitch.

Darlene, that's not a joke.

Oh.

Anyway, who do you think's going home this week?

Well, with the flames coming off of this paper,

not gonna be me, girl.

I'm making myself laugh.

So I'm hoping that that translates.

Ooh, yeah.

Get those hands nice and warm 'cause of the heat

coming out of here.

I get to pick the order of the roast,

which is a bit daunting.

Are you trying to be shady,

or are you trying to, like, make it a good roast,

or both, or a little bit of both?

- Both. It's top seven. - Yeah.

I have to be strategic in some ways.

If I was her, I would be shady boots.

But don't do that to me.

Bitch, don't do that to me.

Myki, stop!

Hi.

- Hello. - Hi.

Class is in session.

It is time to meet up with our comedy coaches.

I have set the order of the roast.

And we're doing a table read.

So that means we're all hearing each other's critiques.

Oh, my gosh, with the notebooks.

- They're going to need them. - Yep.

Say hello to Atsuko Okatsuka.

- Hello. - Hello.

Hi. Hi. Oh, my gosh. Nice to meet you.

She is a comedian, actress, and writer.

And she's here to help with your toast jokes.

I am so excited to be here.

And, yeah, let's have fun.

- Starting with Discord. - Hi.

Now, Discord, you're the first up.

Myki, you did the order. - I did.

Was that sabotage, putting Discord first?

Last week we all said that she should gone home.

So I do think it's a chance to push herself.

All is fair in love and drag.

How do you feel about that?

I've done roasts before.

And then they're like, wow, you actually are funny.

Okay.

So you're setting the bar kind of high,

saying that this is kind of your wheelhouse.

Yeah. I go into everything delusionally confident, so...

And I love that.

So let's see what you're working with.

When Alyssa takes off her makeup,

the features are gone, honey.

I've seen more chin on an earthworm.

What else you got?

The only thing getting older than RuPaul

are jokes about RuPaul being old.

Seriously, girls,

the material's right in front of you.

Test her memory. Quick, Ru, what's her name?

I like it.

You did do her a favor by putting her first.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Incredible start.

This is one challenge that I feel I can really excel at.

And if I can just beat Jane out this time,

I could get a win here.

Jane Don't, you come up

right after Discord. - Yes.

So what was your thinking with that?

Don't be near Jane.

Hey!

Well, I decided to take a real left turn.

- Oh. - And we're starting

with a "Michelle is a whore" joke.

Yeah. No, my favorite. My favorite.

Uh, Michelle has had so many men from New Jersey

inside of her that when you hold her vagina up to your ear,

you can hear Bon Jovi.

Oh, my God.

- Wow. - Don't tell me any more.

I want to laugh. You got it.

I am following Jane, the funniest bitch in the room.

Oh, shit.

I have a tough act to follow, don't I?

Juicy Love Dion, are you nervous?

How you feeling about this, Juicy?

I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a comedian.

Okay. No. I know you're a dancing queen.

I know I'm following Jane.

I definitely have to keep the energy up.

But she's-- - Not just energy.

You need to have confidence. - Yes.

Here we go, Juice.

My name is Juicy Love Dion, and I promise I'm not dumb.

I just have bad luck thinking.

But enough about me being born from the top of a ladder.

Wait, I don't get it. Being born--

Like, dropped from the top of--

dropped on your head as a baby.

If you have to explain it...

It's pretty funny, you know?

You're born from the top of a ladder.

Like, you're instantly dropped on your head.

That's what--that's--Okay.

I'm not getting any laughs in the room right now.

If you're gonna lean into, like, I'm dumb...

Yes.

Bring a character to it.

- Okay. - Right?

And that could be in your inflection, in your delivery.

Think of people who have made it their thing.

Goldie Hawn, Jessica Simpson. - Mm-hmm. Yes.

If you're gonna do it,

then do it...

- Mm-hmm. - If that's what you choose.

Darlene Mitchell.

Do you have, like, a joke that you might do?

Yeah, yeah, Alyssa was stripped

of her 2010 Miss Gay America title

for conflicts of interest with the organization.

The real conflict of interest

that she should be concerned with

is how those shoulders still don't match those hips.

It's a long way to go for that punch line.

You're gonna get through one girl.

Okay.

Alyssa was one of the most talented dancers

this show has ever seen, but now a jump split

is more like a jump splat.

Discord, you're writing a lot.

Yeah.

Are you writing jokes, or are you copying jokes?

Oh.

Darlene's really, really bad joke that she just told,

I promise you I'm not stealing that.

Jump splat!

- Yeah, that's a good one. - Underline.

Arrietty over here.

You have a really twisted sense of humor.

So it's just waiting to come out.

But it's got to be grand enough for us to see that.

Otherwise, it'll be like, ooh. - Yeah.

Yeah, lean into the physical humor, too.

Okay.

Nini Coco.

- Hello. - Hi.

Should I try some of the Alyssa jokes?

- Sure. - Okay.

There's a few things I know about Texas.

Everything is bigger there.

And by everything, I mean Alyssa's old overbite.

Ooh! Okay.

I feel like I look like Alyssa Edwards

if Alyssa Edwards was good at makeup.

The jokes that I want to tell are not landing.

And I'm trying to shrink myself because I don't want to...

I don't know.

I got to figure this out.

I feel like something I struggle with is the girls,

they always say that I come in really hot

with shade sometimes.

- Who says that about you? - I think everybody.

Everybody.

The tough part for me is, I do laugh along with it.

But, like, you know, sometimes I feel like now

when I do speak up, they're always just like,

whoa, no matter what I say,

even if it's like the girl next to me says the same thing.

I'm trying to just make sure that I still show them love

and not just, like, feel

like I'm attacking them all the time.

It sounds to me

like this could potentially hold you back.

I do not want you to do that.

Maybe you're just not skilled at reading the room.

I feel like I'm getting caught up

in my own social anxiety about all of this.

And I'm getting so stifled by what I can and cannot do.

And it's causing me to spiral.

You've heard me say it a million times.

There's a fine line between mean...

Right.

And roasting somebody, or mean and shady.

Shade is said with a wink-wink, nudge-nudge behind it.

- Yeah. - You can do it, Nini.

Now, Kenya, you are funny.

- Thank you. - And you light up a room.

You are filled with charisma.

But are you filled with jokes?

Michelle, I'm going to fucking try.

Go on, Kenya.

My time in this competition is a lot

like my dating history, a lot of bottoming

while a tall Black man tells me to beat my inner saboteur.

Speaking of inner saboteur, hi, Darlene.

Can I borrow some of those lovely bricks

that you call shoes?

You have your perspective down.

So you have, like, the hard part down.

Yeah, it's really just then committing to that voice.

- Right. - Myki Meeks.

- Hi. - Myki, you put yourself last.

- I did. - Wow.

She wants to be the closer.

All right, let's hear some of the stuff that you got.

Okay.

Last year, Alyssa was crowned

Queen of the Mothertucking World.

We're never getting out of this trade war.

Okay.

Alyssa's idea of foreign policy

is ordering extra breadsticks at Olive Garden.

Alyssa embodies everything about C-U-N-T,

charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and testosterone.

I think it's good.

Any questions for us?

Do y'all validate parking?

- It's a little... - Oh, yeah. Time's up.

After meeting with the comedy coaches, part of me is like,

is this good enough?

Do I have what it takes to close out the roast?

Can I live to the expectation?

I don't know. I don't know.

- Whoa! - Oh, my God.

Whoa. Whoa.

Feeling it today. Feeling it.

Today's the day we will be delivering

a roast in front of Alyssa herself and the judges.

And I am nervous.

This is gonna be something.

Here comes Darlene, dragging her little cart.

You look like you're selling Mary Kay.

Kenya Pleaser.

Myki.

How are you feeling?

I woke up kind of on the wrong side

of the bed this morning. - Why?

I think the anxiety got to me a little bit.

To be honest, I'm a little in my head right now.

I'm feeling the pressure of having to close the roast.

So, overnight, I rewrote the roast.

After the rewrites and looking at the material,

I think I found what I want to say.

It's a little pressure closing it out.

And I did that to myself.

Girl, I'm going right before you.

Yes. How do you feel?

- I feel very good. - Yeah?

She's feeling good from her head to her shoes.

- Attitude, bitch, down. - Right.

I feel like it's in a good place.

But, honey, I fucked up Snatch Game.

I cannot fuck this up.

It's showtime, folks.

And I need to--I need to get up in this gig, girl.

- How are we feeling? - I don't know.

I feel like this whole process has really...

let me know that my brain works so differently

than everyone else in the room.

You know what I mean?

It's not the typical, like, setup, setup, punch line.

Here's the knife. You know what I mean?

It's not gonna be how the other girls are technically

putting together a roast joke,

but I'm gonna get some laughs, I hope.

A different flavor is sometimes appreciated.

But sometimes a different flavor can flop.

So...

It's a big swing.

But at this point in the competition,

without having a win, I need to swing big.

- How's yours going, Nini? - I think it's funny.

Did you keep some of your signature Nini sting?

Ah. You know, we'll see.

It's elimination day, and I'm nervous.

I feel that the table read was interesting.

A lot of feelings were put out on the table.

I'm still trying to connect all the dots.

All right, I'm gonna check in with Nini.

Nini seems to be having

a tough time getting her footing.

Nini, how are you feeling? - Hi, Miss Jane.

I know yesterday you were feeling emocional.

- Mm, yeah. - How are we with that today?

I don't know.

Like, this whole competition, I've been telling myself,

like, I know who I am.

I know what I can do, all this stuff.

But then it's in those moments that these insecurities

crack through.

And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

I...

I think Michelle was right.

It's like, I sometimes don't know how to read the room.

And I'm trying to figure out, like...

I want to connect with y'all, and I, like,

struggle to do that in moments.

It's okay that sometimes you just, like,

kind of come in hot.

To my mind, what seems like it might be helpful is like,

I do think you just need to, like, own it a little bit.

It's better to just own that and be like,

that just is who you are, I think,

than to get in your head about it,

because in my experience, that's when those moments get,

like, worse.

And I think, you know, obviously, it sounds like

we could all probably stand to be a bit more, like, sensitive

about not, like, going in quite so hard on it.

I do just want to, like, ki with the girls.

I don't want to have to tiptoe around y'all.

I don't want y'all having to tiptoe around me.

I came into the competition

knowing that I could handle a challenge.

But I was not expecting to deal with all

of the social interactions that came with this competition.

All right.

Well, it's been good talking to you, Winnie the Pooh--

- Can I give you a hug? - Yeah.

Thank you.

I think you're cool, Jane,

no matter what anybody else says.

Fuck off.

I know that I can be funny.

And especially coming off the Snatch Game,

I know that I can make this roast good.

I've just got to really lean into the material

that I've got and hope that I can sell it

without being a total bitch.

Why you mad?

'Cause my pussy pops more severely...

- And yours don't. - And yours don't.

I love your laugh, Myki.

It kind of sounds like you're powering down.

Honey, we all know when Myki powers down,

it's getting ridiculous.

Myki is crazy.

She will literally be in the middle of talking--

she'll be like, you know what?

I actually saw you power down during the table read.

You were like...

It was after the, "Why did you put yourself last?"

- Myki, you put yourself last. - I did.

She wants to be the closer.

Yeah, I don't know. I'm a weird person.

Sometimes I'm talking to myself in my brain,

and I genuinely power down.

Yeah--

See?

What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?

Whoa, I'm back.

Where she goes, we do not know.

What's happening in that noggin--

Myki fully might be a robot at this point.

♪ Cover Girl ♪

♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe ♪

♪ Let your whole body talk ♪

Wow.

Yes.

Welcome to the main stage

of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

Here's looking at you, kid.

It's Michelle Visage.

Lehayim.

Cheers, my queers.

It's Ross Mathews.

Bottoms up.

Tee-hee-hee.

And the wonderful Atsuko Okatsuka.

Here's to the best bowl cut in the business.

Move over, Beatles.

I'm serving John and Yoko.

This week we challenged our queens

to toast the incomparable Alyssa Edwards.

Racers, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

From beautiful downtown Pacoima...

it's "A Toast to Alyssa Edwards."

Now, here's Alyssa.

all: Oh.

Welcome, darling.

Thank you for the invitation to the annual family roast.

But to you ladies, I want all of y'all to take

a good look at this before you annihilate me,

'cause it's never gonna get this good for you.

Ooh.

Now, let's start this shindig. Come on, give it.

First up, it's Discord Addams.

Yes.

Good evening, good evening, good evening.

And welcome to the toast of the dancing diva

of Mesquite, Texas, a woman whose back rolls enter the room

before she does, the beautiful, the honorable,

the unintelligible Alyssa Edwards!

So let's start with a toast, shall we?

Here is to honor--

hitting on her, kissing on her,

loving on her, and if you can't come in her,

come on her.

Michelle knows what I'm talking about.

Oh, yeah, baby.

We can't forget the queen of all queens, RuPaul.

But, you know--uh-oh, she spilled her drink.

Let's get real here.

The only thing older than RuPaul

are jokes about RuPaul being old.

No, no. I'm joking, everyone.

Without RuPaul and her legacy,

I would not be standing here today,

waiting for these girls to bomb.

But now it's time for the beast of the hour.

Does anybody even know what Alyssa is saying?

Chirping like a, squirping like a--

Rigga Morris?

Seriously, trying to figure you out is harder than

Kenya reading the menu at a Cheesecake Factory.

'Cause I'm fat.

When Alyssa takes her makeup off,

the features are gone, honey.

I have seen more features on an egg.

There are jokes.

It's just that they're not that funny.

Maybe it's the Sith Lord hood.

It just doesn't feel fun.

And now it's time for the top we are all dying to see bottom.

Welcome, Jane Don't.

Thank you, Lord Voldemort.

It's an honor to be in a room full of such extraordinary

queer artists--and Nini Coco.

RuPaul is here.

RuPaul is so old, the first time she asked,

"Why it got to be Black?"

she was talking about the plague.

But enough about RuPaul.

Let's talk about her dedicated team

of elder care specialists.

Hi, Michelle. - Hi.

Michelle famously placed seventh

on "Strictly Come Dancing," but she always places first

on "Strictly Cum Guzzling."

I cannot believe that I am in the presence

of the Ross Mathews--

or as he's known by most of America,

that faggot on "The Drew Barrymore Show."

Oh, my God. Oh!

- It's true. - I like that one.

Thank you.

Myki Meeks is here. Everybody give it up for Myki.

Myki has a BFA.

That's right-- a blown-out fucking asshole.

It's true.

What?

A BFA?

But on to the woman of the hour, Alyssa Edwards.

Alyssa, you are the pride of Texas--

Oh, wait. I'm sorry. I read that wrong.

Alyssa, your back is as wide as Texas.

I'd love to make jokes about you losing crowns,

but I don't want to bring up your teeth.

Now, give it up for the one child George Bush left behind.

It's Juicy Love Dion.

Yes, Jane.

That was good, bitch.

Jane's too smart.

She's really good at this.

Now I got to follow her?

Damn.

We are gathered here today

to celebrate the career of Alyssa Edwards.

But first, Michelle Visage.

Hi, Michelle. - Hi.

The only thing drier than Michelle's humor

is Ross Mathews' vagina.

That's true.

I'm so glad you can take time off

from being Drew Barrymore's new pet gay

to come back to being RuPaul's Bichon Frisé.

We missed you.

Girl, what did you just even talk about?

I don't know.

I can't even follow, but I know it's not funny.

Ru, a few weeks ago,

you asked me a very tough question.

Who are you?

And I had to dig really deep for this answer.

I'm Juicy Love Dion,

not Jorgeous.

And, finally, our guest of honor, Alyssa Edwards.

You know, watching you be such a great dance teacher

and mentor on "Dancing Queen," all I could think about is,

wow...

I can't believe I have nothing better to do

than watch "Dancing Queen." - Oh.

You really inspire me to be a better dancer, actor,

and comedian, because if not,

then it's gonna take me three tries

to win "RuPaul's Drag Race."

Well, bitch, at this rate,

it's gonna take more than three.

Ooh!

Oh, bless Juicy's heart.

This is not her challenge.

And now a woman who brought to this competition

her soft heart and hard fronts, it's Darlene Mitchell.

Yes, Juicy.

You've heard of Carrot Top,

but have you ever heard of Carrot Bottom?

Hello, RuPaul.

Ru, this show is truly a unique,

unmatched experience--

a room full of queens struggling to top.

Some of us top.

One doesn't.

Hi, Discord.

The room is, honestly, pretty quiet.

I need to turn this around.

I am just going for it.

These girls have been calling me a prop queen all season,

and I just don't see it.

Oh, look, a burger.

Oh, my God.

Kenya Pleaser.

We told her we were having a roast tonight,

and this bitch showed up with coleslaw and macaroni.

And now let's talk about the other big girl.

And I'm talking about Alyssa Edwards' ego.

Ooh.

What, too harsh?

How about I say it with a clown nose?

Honk, honk.

She looks so excited to be here.

But that just must be all that illegal Botox.

Yes, yes.

This is the most unhinged thing

that I have ever seen in a roast, and...

I think I like it?

RuPaul, getting to know you these past few weeks,

I feel like I can confidently assume

gerbils are not off the table for you, mama.

Am I right?

Bossy Rossy.

Hi.

Ross, you just make me so horny.

I could reach under the desk right now to get

a top placement tonight.

Ooh.

Banana!

That's it for me.

And up next, Nini Coco.

And one more thing, Michelle.

What?

Why you mad?

Darlene's roast set will go down in history.

It is so completely bat-shit insane.

This is genius.

Welcome back to "A Toast to Alyssa Edwards."

Thank you, everyone.

Let's give it up one more time for Darlene Mitchell.

Yes, Darlene.

You know, out of drag, she's kind of

the trade of the season.

I would hook up with her, but I'd have to

put a bag over her artistic choices

to be able to do so.

Before we get to the handsome woman of the hour,

I would like to take a moment to celebrate the judges.

For those that don't know,

RuPaul is the first drag queen ever.

Ru is so old, her new "Cover Girl" remix

goes from "put that bass in your walk"

to "put tennis balls on the base of that walker."

Also, Ross is here.

Ross was on "Celebrity Big Brother."

Who looked at Ross and said, yeah, celebrity?

Okay.

Atsuko is here.

It was an honor to meet you yesterday.

My first thought was, wow, I'm really craving coconuts.

My second thought, who does your hair?

I'd like to avoid them.

Oh, come on.

On to the superstar herself.

People constantly tell me that I look like Alyssa Edwards.

Do you see it? - Yes.

I do see it a little bit.

And it might be because we share the same

foundation shade-- white privilege.

Ooh!

Back in the day, the phrase "everything is bigger in Texas"

had exclusively applied to her overbite.

- Oh. - But that is all for me.

And up next, we have a bathroom queen,

which means if you need to take a potty break,

now's the time to do it.

It's Kenya Pleaser.

Thank you so much, Nini, for--

that.

Honey, when I heard we were toasting,

I got really excited, and I bought all the jelly

I could find in a 30-mile radius.

It must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake, girl.

Yes, bitch.

See, my time in this competition

has been a lot like my dating history,

plenty of bottoming while a Black man

tells me to beat the inner saboteur.

Speaking of inner saboteur, hi, Darlene.

Can I borrow some of those shoes

that you call bricks,

or some of those bricks that you call shoes?

The judges have been on Discord's walk all season long.

Discord's walk is so stiff and uncomfortable to look at,

it reminds me of Ross Mathews.

It does.

Truly.

Crickets.

Crickets.

That's the only thing I hear.

There is not a single joke landing.

Alyssa, I love and adore you so very much.

Me and Alyssa have so much in common.

We're both from the South.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

We both love sweet tea.

- We do. - We do. Yes.

And we both have back rolls.

Bitch, we both share back rolls, honey.

And, Alyssa, I totally understood you

when you called it Rigga Morris, honey.

But, bitch, could you call it something else?

I heard "Rigga," and I got scared, bitch.

Girl, I was like, Ru, what the fuck did she call us?

Kenya--energy 10, jokes 2.

And closing out our toast and our roast

for this evening, a beast of a woman--

I mean my good sister, Myki Meeks.

Thank you.

Whoo!

Well, wasn't that...

terrible?

Good evening, everyone.

I am the drag ingenue Myki Meeks.

We have some amazing queens who performed tonight.

Discord Addams is here.

Her place in the competition

is like Jane Don't's hairline,

receding.

Juicy is such a slut,

when she says the juice is loose,

she means it.

Ross, so good to see you.

And I'm happy Drew Barrymore let you out of her basement.

Yes.

Rossy puts the lotion on his skin,

or else it gets the hose again.

We are here today to celebrate a leader, a mentor,

and a teacher, which is why Texas may be

last in education, Alyssa Edwards.

This fucking bitch.

Last year, Alyssa was crowned

Queen of the Mothertucking World.

Really?

What do you know about global issues?

To her, a trade war is when her tricks find out she's a top.

Bitch, Myki, why are you so good?

Oh, I'm livid.

We love you, queen.

And now let's give the last word

to the star of the night, Alyssa Edwards.

What a night to remember.

Ru, thank you so very much for inviting me.

I have just one thing to say to these monsters.

♪ I don't get cute ♪

♪ I get drop-dead gorgeous ♪

♪ I don't get cute, I get drop-dead gorgeous ♪

♪ I don't get cute, I get drop-dead gorgeous ♪

♪ I don't get cute, I get drop-dead gorgeous ♪

♪ Looking good and feeling gorgeous ♪

♪ Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch ♪

♪ Bitch, bitch, bitch ♪

♪ Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch ♪

♪ Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch ♪

♪ I don't get cute, I get drop-dead gorgeous ♪

Yes, Alyssa. Yes, Ms. Edwards.

Follow this act, you bitches.

♪ Runway, runway ♪

Category is Swept Away.

Up first, Discord Addams.

Don't you just love riding a hog?

My favorite.

Swept Away, a runway outfit that blows in the wind.

Bitch, I'm a motorcycle.

I am metal head to toe.

I have flames shooting off of my back.

This is very punk.

This is very metal.

This look is very loudly Discord.

And it's another look that was made from the minds

of the House of Addams.

Michelle, can you handlebar this?

I can.

She's a Motocross-dresser.

Jane Don't.

Jane was born with a silver spoon...

on her head.

My look is a gorgeous

Erté-inspired showgirl costume.

So I wanted to give something that had

that kind of art deco 1910s, 1920s vibe.

I have 20 pounds of sequin fringe

hanging off both of my arms.

I should have done reps before I wore this costume.

But I'm keeping those arms extended.

I love this look.

Jane, can you go stage right? There's some dust over there.

You got it. Thank you. Great work.

Yes. Sweep me up before you go-go.

Juicy Love Dion.

Don't you hate folding a fitted sheet?

This is obviously a queen-size fitted sheet.

Mama, I'm serving drama on the runway,

supermodel that got stuck in the strings of a parachute.

And that's what I'm giving with this

Linda Evangelista type of hair.

I know that that parachute is getting some life behind me

and continues to move even when I stop.

I feel like I'm shooting for "Vogue" right now.

I think I'm eating this.

Juicy, you ate that.

Someone finally invented something

to catch your farts in.

Darlene Mitchell.

Reporting from the hurricane zone,

forecast calls for a 69% chance that she's a whore.

Is a storm coming?

I sure hope not, because this fabric umbrella

covered in feathers ain't going to do shit.

I'm just your everyday girl trying

to hold this pose fiercely.

But this wind just won't let up, girl.

And I am giving supermodel couture down.

But it wouldn't be me if it wasn't tacky as heck.

Well, they said there was a cold front moving in.

- Hey, remember Mary Poppins? - Yes.

- This is Mary Poopins. - Ooh.

Up next, Kenya Pleaser.

Kenya Pleaser?

More like Kenya Breezer.

I am "Gone with the Wind" fabulous, baby.

And I'm giving you Black afro fairy down, honey.

I have on my fairy wings

in this gorgeous iridescent lavender color.

I want little girls to see this and be like,

Mama, look at that little Black fairy.

I want to be her when I grow up.

It is cutesy. It's body-positive.

And, honey, most importantly, it's Black.

When Tinkerbell is looking good as hell.

Myki Meeks.

Neely O'Hara, live at the Flamingo Vegas.

Apparently, she's the gust of honor.

Oh, okay.

I am covering the stage

in 20 yards of orange chiffon.

So you cannot miss me.

The fan is blowing. My hair is up.

I feel so beautiful in this moment.

I wanted to pay tribute to the divas who raised me,

who would perform with a spotlight, a fan,

and some flowing fabric.

And that is the act I'm giving.

What an airhead.

Oh, she just got her second wind.

Nini Coco.

This is a very urn-est performance.

I am a widow in mourning.

I am headed to the seaside

to scatter the ashes of my loved ones.

Oh, no, my tissue.

It's camp. It's sad. It's funny.

I created this look, monochromatic black

from head to toe, fit for a funeral.

But the skirt is riding up a little bit high.

Maybe she'll find her next man at the beach.

What you going to do with all that ash?

Welcome, queens.

It's time for the judges' critiques.

First up, Discord Addams.

This look tonight, I wouldn't really call it

blowing in the wind in any way.

There's a little bit.

I think it's kind of stiff up here.

However, you have a great sense of style.

You're always edgy.

Tonight you look like Susanne Bartsch.

Oh, thank you.

Opening the toast is a really tough position

because you've got to set the tone.

There was a little bit of a stumble.

- But, you know-- - Your drink spilled.

Uh-oh.

And I don't know that you ever got back in front of it.

Someone once told me in live TV to embrace the mistakes.

So it would have been more fun if you could just

kept saying like, well, when is someone

going to refill my drink?

But we've got to be stronger than any mistake

that is thrown in our way.

I loved the runs you did with Alyssa, the honor,

the come on her, right?

Very funny.

Could it have been funnier?

Yeah, it definitely could have been funnier.

Up next, Jane Don't.

This look is so beautiful, and it's hot.

It's just the right amount of wrong to make it great.

A shape we don't usually see on our heads, right?

Excuse me.

Is that not just four times my hair?

- Awkward. - I'm so sorry.

What am I, chopped liver?

In the toast, you looked so glamorous.

And that red crystal gown is very Marilyn.

I just loved it.

And it is hard to be so beautiful

and then go and be funny.

I live that every day of my life.

You do a very good job

with the whole complimenting and then the dig.

But I don't want to bring up your teeth.

You're so smart and naturally such a comedy queen.

Just wonderful. This is what you do.

And there was no doubt that you would deliver.

Wonderful night for you. - Thank you.

Up next, Juicy Love Dion.

I love this outfit.

Not only is it beautiful, but it allowed

for a real moment on the runway with the fan.

But the toast, oh, was a challenge for you.

Wow.

What you were lacking was the confidence.

Your jokes were almost too nice.

I needed you to take it a lot further.

And if you weren't going to take it further,

then you needed to take the character further.

Being a character is hard.

It's about showing it instead of just saying it.

You haven't quite found your voice yet, your point of view.

And that's what was missing tonight.

Up next, Darlene Mitchell.

You gave us more than just a look on a runway.

You gave us comedy.

That makes it so much fun.

In the toast, you swung so far.

Honk, honk.

It wasn't about the punch line.

It was about, what is she going to do next?

And then halfway through, you're, like, doing

this weird Kristen Wiig thing, where you're just like--eee.

Then you topped it off at the end

with those hideous shoes.

Whatever you do, do not throw away those shoes.

You just let loose.

That's what we want to see.

You will work for the rest of your life doing that act.

Great night for you, darling.

Thank you.

Up next, the widow Coco.

This is so beautiful.

Like, I want to go to this funeral.

And you had a moment, throwing the ashes in the air.

That's another clever way to think,

what am I going to do when there's

a big fan pointed at me?

At one point, your skirt hiked up a little bit,

and we could see the garters there, which are

the moment of this whole outfit.

Yeah.

Yes.

In the toast--

Yeah, celebrity.

I understood what the kids were saying

when they said that it could come across as mean.

I think you're your biggest doubter because of this.

You need to find a way to put a little lube on it

before you just stick it right in.

Okay.

Clocking the moments of when you are getting laughs

is really important to finding the voice in comedy.

There were really great jokes that were social commentary.

We have the same shade of foundation, white privilege.

It's just about leaning into that.

Kenya Pleaser.

I love the color of this outfit.

It's not as dramatic as some of the other looks

when the wind machine is on.

But the color--perfection.

Okay, talk about the toast.

'Cause jam don't shake, girl.

There's a quality in your voice.

You command the stage.

The problem was, you didn't really have the jokes.

There were some, Kenya, but we needed more laughs.

You've gotten by with just how charismatic you are.

You've already got everything it takes.

You've already got everything it takes.

You have already got everything it takes.

But you need to invest in Kenya.

You need to have a conversation with that little kid

inside of you and understand

you are a natural star.

Coming from where I come from,

I struggle with that on a daily basis.

That little boy is just crying every day to be--

I'm beautiful. I'm wanted.

And for me to be on this stage is

such a blessing and an honor.

And I don't want to take it for granted at all.

Tonight, hopefully, this is a big lesson for you,

a big lesson for you.

All right, up in my favorite color, Myki Meeks.

So you put yourself last.

That is a big, big seat to fill.

And I thought you did a great job.

You've got a real skill for understanding

a setup and a punch line.

Terrible?

You were also doing a character that was very funny.

Every time you would-- she means it.

Right? You were doing that, too.

It's a silliness in you that really comes out.

It's really funny.

You're another one. You've got a career in comedy.

And this outfit is gorgeous.

Whatever you thought we were going to see,

when that fan hit that outfit, double it by 10.

Is that math? both: I don't know.

Incorrect, but we'll go with it.

- Yeah. - Carry the one.

It was Lana Turner in "The Prodigal Son."

Absolutely gorgeous.

Very, very good night for you. - Thank you.

Thank you, queens. I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck backstage,

the judges and I will deliberate.

All right, now, just between us squirrel friends,

what do you think, starting with Discord Addams?

She was extremely confident.

She just got thrown off her game.

She did have jokes. She just didn't sell them.

Just didn't super stand out as some of the other girls.

All right, Jane Don't.

Jane Don't we knew was going to be good,

and she absolutely delivered it.

She's so good onstage.

That skill--you have it, or you don't.

Jane has it.

All right, Juicy.

For comedy, yeah, I think she still has a way to go

with finding her perspective.

Watching Juicy try her best in the toast tonight

reminded me of that one time I took a hip-hop dance class.

Aw.

Wow.

Darlene Mitchell.

So this was the surprise of the night.

She was wackadoodle.

- Mm-hmm. - It was hilarious.

We witnessed in real time her understanding

how she does this. - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It was brilliant.

I appreciate a banana.

Banana!

Nini Coco.

She had some funny jokes in there, but a lot

of the stuff came across as mean.

Who does your hair?

And it's the delivery, because the jokes were not

any worse off than anybody else.

I do think this will be a pivotal night

for her in understanding how to move forward.

There are ways she could have softened the blow.

You just described Michelle, by the way.

I know I did.

All right, Kenya Pleaser.

Oh, Kenya has so much presence on that stage.

You want to talk about charisma?

What she didn't have was funny jokes.

But a lot of times, people don't have the personality.

So at least there's that, right?

She has that.

Myki Meeks.

She's got it all--

confidence, looks, capability, all of it.

She blew it out of the water. She was so funny.

Tonight was a great night for Myki Meeks.

Yeah. I have three words.

She crushed it.

Silence.

I have made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, queens.

I've made some decisions.

Jane Don't, Darlene Mitchell,

Myki Meeks,

your toast and your runways blew us away.

But one of you really popped our cork.

Darlene Mitchell, condragulations.

You're the winner of this week's challenge.

- Yes. - Yes, Darlene.

- Aah! - Oh, my God.

You've won a cash tip of $5,000.

I just won the roast.

Thank you. Ah!

Banana.

Jane, Myki, you three may step to the back of the stage.

Thank you.

Discord Addams, on the runway,

you were on fire.

But your toast wasn't so hot.

Kenya Pleaser, on the runway, you took flight.

But when it came to the toast, you didn't land it.

Kenya, I'm sorry, my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

In the bottom two again.

Discord, you're safe.

Thank you.

Juicy Love Dion, on the runway,

you had the material.

In the toast, not so much.

Nini Coco, on the runway, you were to die for.

But your toast didn't kill.

Nini Coco...

you are safe.

Fuck.

Oh, I love both of these queens so much.

You may join the other girls.

Juicy, I'm sorry, my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

You know, me and Kenya are kind of

in the same spot right now.

This is our third time lip-syncing each.

But if I have to lip-sync against every single one of you

to make it to the end, I sure will.

Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me

and save yourself from elimination.

The time has come...

For you to lip-sync...

for your life.

No matter how good she is, I refuse

to not go out with a motherfucking fight, girl.

Good luck,

and don't fuck it up.

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit lonely ♪

♪ And you're never coming round ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit tired ♪

♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit nervous ♪

♪ That the best of all the years have gone by ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Every now and then I get a little bit terrified ♪

♪ And then I see the look in your eyes ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Bright eyes ♪

♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪

♪ And I need you now tonight ♪

♪ And I need you more than ever ♪

♪ And if you only hold me tight ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ We'll be holding on forever ♪

♪ And we'll only be making it right ♪

♪ 'Cause we'll never be wrong ♪

♪ Together we can take it to the end of the line ♪

♪ Love is like a shadow on me ♪

♪ All of the time ♪

♪ All of the time ♪

♪ I don't know what to do ♪

♪ I'm always in the dark ♪

♪ We're living in a powder keg ♪

♪ And giving off sparks ♪

Yeah, Juicy!

♪ I really need you tonight ♪

♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪

♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ I was falling in love ♪

♪ But now I'm only falling apart ♪

♪ Nothing I can do ♪

♪ A total eclipse of the heart ♪

♪ Turn around, bright eyes ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

Queens, I've made my decision.

Juicy Love Dion, shantay, you stay.

You may join the other girls.

- I love you, sister. - I love you, too.

Thank you.

Kenya Pleaser?

The answer is, yes, you can.

Now sashay away.

Ru, from the bottom of my heart...

I want to say thank you

for allowing me to show

this little Black gay boy from South Carolina,

that he is beautiful, that he is loved.

Thank you for allowing me to be that representation.

Thank you.

Yes, Kenya!

We love you!

Walk, bitch!

Yes, you better walk, bitch!

Yes, bitch.

The question still stands, RuPaul.

Kenya Pleaser?

Yes, Kenya!

Girl, child, mm-mm-mm.

I'm jumbled up in emotions.

I don't know how to feel because I thought I was

going to slay this challenge.

So I am shocked in that way.

To all the little boys out there

that I know is going to be watching this

scared in they room, bitch, under the covers,

trying to have that "previous channel" button on lock,

you are fabulous.

You are enough.

And you can become whatever you want to.

Chase your dreams, because I chased mine.

Bitch, I made it to Hollywood.

It is not over.

Honey, this is just the first taste.

I love y'all.

Ah, at least I'm going out cute, bitch.

Condragulations, queens.

And, remember, if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an "amen" up in here?

all: Amen. - All right.

Now let the music play.

♪ Good luck, and don't ♪

♪ Good luck, and don't, oh ♪

♪ Good luck, and don't eff it up, up, up ♪

Next time on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

You need to turn these dashing desperadoes...

Into dazzling dolls.

Damn, these are men.

Oh, Lord Jesus.

Girl, this ain't gonna work.

I know that I can bring this together.

You just wait until we get to the main stage.

Literally, when you walked out, I said,

what episode of "Parent Trap" is this?

It just didn't make any fucking sense, and I hate it.

♪ Good luck, and don't ♪

♪ Good luck, and don't, oh ♪

♪ Good luck, and don't eff it up, up, up ♪

♪ Good luck, and don't ♪

♪ Good luck, baby ♪

♪ Good luck, and don't eff it up, up, up ♪

♪ Give yourself permission ♪

♪ Take the script and flip it ♪

♪ Give yourself permission ♪

♪ Take the script and flip it ♪

♪ 'Cause if you're not like other bitches ♪

♪ Then show me something different ♪