Original subtitles

WHAT HAVE

I DONE

TO

DESERVE

THIS?

Manolo really overdoes it! He hit me really hard.

Where are my shoes?

Higher...

That's why you are to be mine

I pledge my loyalty and my love

Even though I sense it must be a lie

I'm lying too, and I'm yours

- 4, Donastiarra Avenue. - Hey! I live there, too!

You like Lotte Von Mossel?

I lived in Germany and I worked as a chauffeur for a friend of hers.

A singer, too, but younger, of course.

The thing is, we had an affair.

This song brings back so many memories!

- Why didn't you stay there? - I wonder...

Look...

The author was my boss.

It's Lotte Von Mossel's biography.

Letters by Hitler!

Yeah, she was a bit Nazi.

I'm going to tell you a secret.

- I wrote the letters. - What?

I copy handwriting, but I'm not a forger.

I did it for her, for Ingrid Müller.

The one who was mad about you.

Not that I like doing that, but she asked me.

And women, when they want something...

- Didn't anyone find you out? - Of course not.

Not even Hitler, may he rest in peace, would have known.

You know what agricultural innovations were introduced in the 19th century?

Why do you ask me? You know I'm illiterate!

- Ask your father when he's back. - But the old man is also illiterate.

You learn a lot driving a cab. Get out of the kitchen now!

- How do you like it? - Cool, Grandma.

- How's the homework going? - It's crap.

- I'll give you a hand. - Let's see.

Tell me who are the Romantics and who are the Realists?

Ibsen.

Romantic.

- Lord Byron. - Realist.

- Goethe. - Another Realist.

And Balzac.

Romantic.

- See how easy it is? - It sure is.

Now help me.

- Leave me alone! - I told you not to make faces!

Christ! Juani and Vanessa!

- So? - They're jinxes.

Every time I meet them, something happens.

Nonsense! They say the same about me.

Really? I shouldn't have brought you then.

- Hi. - Good evening.

Come on, get in.

- It doesn't work. - We're one too many.

Can't you read? Vanessa, get down.

- I can walk up, ma'am. - Let her, she's young. Come on.

Do some exercise!

- It's fucked! - I knew it.

- What did you know? - It's not important.

Vanessa, can you hear me? Go get someone!

- I knew something would happen. - What would happen?

Go get someone, I said!

So you're a writer...

Writer, journalist, a bit of everything.

- I like to write, too. - Well, I don't!

- What you hear in a cab... - I suppose so.

- I knew you were coming here. - What you don't miss...

- Supper ready? - In a minute.

Every time your neighbour Juani gets in the lift, she fucks it up.

It's not her fault.

When I'm alone, it always works just fine.

It respects you.

- Who does? - The lift, but not Juani.

Iron one of my shirts, I'm in a hurry.

Good evening.

A big demographic growth has forced certain countries

to take extreme decisions on birth control.

But, what is our situation?

- Want a muffin? - I'm not into muffins.

Well, I'll have two.

You think we can go fishing in the village?

Of course. There's a nice river.

Wait Grandma, they're calling me.

You'll tell me later.

It's for you.

Yeah... what's up?

Yeah, all right.

... birth control methods...

- The chicken's a bit burnt. - Fuck! Can't do anything right!

Don't worry.

It's just the leg, I'll eat it. You can have all the rest.

Bring me some ham.

Ham? There is only one last bit for Miguel's sandwich.

Do you use any birth control?

All right. I'll get it for you.

- Why did you choose that one? - Because it's the most effective.

It's really cold here in Madrid.

You better take me to the village or I'll freeze to death.

Listen, Antonio...

Keep the bones and the skin for my dessert.

- You got it? - Yeah, here.

Quick, give me the cash.

- Here. - No, I'll give it a miss.

A joint is harmless. Ever tried it?

No, and I'm not going to.

Old enough to sell it, old enough to smoke it.

OK, let's see what happens.

- No, that's for me. - A big muffin...

- Nothing better than that for diabetes. - Oops, I forgot about my diabetes.

- You always forget at supper time! - I will be careful tomorrow.

Your feet are just like your father's.

When you take your shoes off,

it's the same strong and powerful smell as your father's.

I can hardly breathe.

- Gloria, bring me a beer! - There aren't any!

- Some wine or lemonade then. - There's only brandy left.

You want me to drink brandy for supper?

Give me a bottle of mineral water.

And what else?

I work my arse off all day long.

When I get back home, I have to eat a half-burnt chicken,

and there's no fucking wine!

Don't yell. You make my sugar levels rise.

Give me a bottle of mineral water or you don't get to suck the bones!

To speak like that to your own mother...

All right, I'll buy it from you.

Thirty.

- Dessert? - There isn't any.

I've made the flat and TV payments.

You've got to give me money for Miguel's dentist and the bus.

The gas reminder's came. If we don't pay, they'll cut it off.

It was our first wedding anniversary.

The night before, we had gone out to celebrate.

We went to bed late, slightly tipsy.

We made love a dozen times.

Very satisfactorily, by the way.

The next morning I was so tired I simply could not get up.

But he got up, moved by his love for me, I guess,

to make me a cup of coffee.

Coffee...

Darling...

Never will I forget that cup of coffee.

Me, me!

Bubbles sure make me flip!

Don't you love them?

Toni, you're back.

Bless you.

- How's school, Toni? - Crap, as usual.

The important thing is handwriting. How's yours?

He takes after you, it's lovely.

Let's see you imitate my signature.

I copied my father's and you have to copy mine.

It's as important as your last name.

Antonio, you've got to write me a letter to Paula.

Have Toni do it.

Let's see...

Very good, nearly like mine.

- He's very gifted. - Well, I have to get ready now.

You'll catch a cold without shoes.

Don't forget to give me some money.

I don't even have enough for the bus. I had to walk home today.

Why didn't you ask my mother?

That miser?

- I'll die before asking her. - You're too proud.

- Stop it. - The poor thing is out of it.

She's old enough to know better.

But what do you want?

- Antonio... - Nothing.

And I need money for the dentist. Miguel needs a bridge and I...

I'm crushing the doll!

Nothing do I owe you

Nothing do I ask from you

I'm walking away from you, forget me

I've paid with gold for your brown skin

Don't curse me, woman, we 're even

I don't love you

Don't love me

You gave me everything but nothing did I ask from you

Don't reproach me for losing everything

At your side, I also lost everything

Well paid...

You've been well paid

Because I paid for your kisses

You fell into my arms

For a fistful of coins

Well paid...

Well paid...

Well paid were you, woman

Those sure were pretty songs.

Now write me that letter.

What handwriting do you like most?

The handwriting? I don't... Look, Grace Kelly's.

Start.

"Dear Paula,

"I hope you're fine. We're just fine, thank goodness."

- Have you written that? - Yes.

"My grandson's writing, he has grown a lot."

Wait, Granma, wait...

"He forges handwritings, like his father.

"Today, we have chosen poor Grace Kelly's."

Got that? You're not writing? What's wrong?

I don't know. My guts are killing me.

Oh, dear...

Something you've eaten!

That's because you eat at all hours!

What's this on the corridor? What is going on?

- Nothing, Toni's puked all over me. - Nothing?

I spend my life cleaning for this!

- And you, why did you vomit? - Don't know.

Why are you in the shower fully dressed?

To clean myself.

Come on, take those clothes off and put your robe on.

You'll catch your death. What an idea!

Don't lose your temper, Gloria, you'll have a breakdown.

Hi, Toni.

It's cold in your place!

You look awful! Been sniffing some smack?

- I smoked a joint. - Don't screw around with smack!

You don't need to lose weight.

Dope's business, not fun.

- Oh, sure! For business, yeah. - See you.

I just finished cleaning, and look!

You're lucky alone, not having to worry about anyone!

It's not that easy.

Why did I ever get married! What a fool I was!

Hi, Antonio.

- You don't have a whip, do you? - A whip?

No.

Tonight's client would like a whip.

If I don't take him one, he may even leave.

- He wants to beat you? - He wouldn't dare!

Let me think...

There may be something.

Come with me to Grandma's room.

She's got lots. See, look at this.

With this one, you could even kill him.

Let's see... It's huge! It won't break, will it?

I don't think so. Bring it right back or she'll go mad.

As soon as I turn this trick.

Where are you going with that stick?

- I'm just borrowing it for a while. - I told you.

Don't lose it, it's a nice stick.

Look what your Cristal's brought you.

- What's that? - A stick.

I couldn't find a whip. But this can hurt even more.

- Shall I start beating you? - Of course not!

What I wanted was some commonplace scene

of normal, elegant, sophisticated sadism,

like in French films.

- You're not a real sadist. - Of course not!

I just wanted some information to write a little porno novel.

A best-seller type.

Obviously, I'll have to invent it.

Do that. After all, you're a writer.

Go away.

I'm getting out of the tub.

How do you get along with your neighbours,

- the cabbie's family? - Fine.

She's a bit hysterical but she works all day long

as a cleaning woman with two kids.

My brother needs a cleaning lady. Could she go?

Probably. If you like, I'll ask her.

She could come to my place, too. It certainly needs it.

- Here. - I'll give you the address.

Want a little something?

Yeah, bend over.

I'm getting this great idea

that'd make more money than a porno novel.

- Aren't writers wicked? - Sure, the good ones.

- Will you come back? - I don't know.

If you don't, I'll tell your wife.

You don't know her! She's a witch!

I just wanted to excite you, I wouldn't do that.

Work is a pain!

Here, and do a good job, as usual.

No more? A few quid, at least.

Fine.

And I'm giving you a special price. Usually, it's 25%.

- You sure like money. - Like everyone else.

Even more than me.

Listen, it's a secret between you and me, eh?

I don't want to know anything, I'm just a kid.

- Kid? You've been around for... - 14 years, no more.

The sooner you learn what life is about, the better.

Here.

If you need something, just ask.

Better start with me than with any slut.

- Thanks but you're not my type. - No?

- Why don't you try my brother? - I wouldn't mind.

But it'd be more difficult.

If you screw my brother, I'll give you a line.

- How big? - A few quids' worth.

I'll try then.

Hi, Mum.

- You know what time it is? - I was studying at Raúl's.

You were in bed with his father. Like always.

So what? It's my body, isn't it?

- What's for supper? - Nothing! What do you expect?

It's the end of the month!

If it's your body, why don't you feed it, too?

You've eaten everything!

If you go to bed with him, he could at least feed you!

Use your head and learn how to look after yourself!

Want a Pro Plus? You won't feel hungry.

It makes me nervous. Look at you.

What do you mean?

Ask Grandma for a cake.

- And there's tomato sauce. - It's mouldy!

The toast is for your father's breakfast.

All right, eat it.

God knows what you've been up to!

Toni, we still have to finish the letter.

- Right away, Grandma. - Your stick.

Being illiterate is a pain.

- Do you know how to write? - Me? Sure.

- But not like Toni. - He'll be a philosopher.

Grandma, Mum says for you to give me a muffin.

- What for? - Haven't you had supper?

No, and I'm starving.

Come on home with me. I haven't eaten either.

Come on.

Thanks for the stick, Grandma.

Gloria, one of my clients wants you to clean his house and his brother's.

- It's just that I have so little time. - Here's the address.

- You never know... - Thanks, honey.

Can you fix him a sandwich for tomorrow?

Sure, don't worry.

God bless you!

She's not a bad girl but she sure likes men!

- What shall I wear for supper? - Whatever you want.

- Something that you like... - You're fine like that.

Like this? Wearing curlers?

Want to see my wedding dress?

- You getting married? - No, it's to play wedding night.

You know how?

That's for kids!

- You like costumes? - No.

Boys are a bore!

- You got new Lola's. - Yes, I found them in the flea market.

- Can I borrow them? - You can have them.

- Well? - You look great!

I'm glad you like it.

Thanks for the comics.

When I leave for the States, you will miss me.

And I'll miss you too.

Let's make supper.

What are you doing? Put that away and go to sleep, it's late.

OK.

I'm not going to school. I itch all over.

If you didn't smoke...

Smoke, my arse! I'm allergic to house dust.

- Let me do it, Granny. - I like to comb your hair.

Yeah, but I'm old enough to do it.

- What are you looking for? - Money, what did you think?

I got robbed last night. I don't have any money.

What the hell am I going to do?

I'll have to take those jobs Cristal mentioned.

- That Cristal mentioned? - Her client needs a cleaning lady.

I don't like you to share Cristal's clients.

Think I do? But I have no choice.

Gloria!

Wait! I'm taking the kid to school.

Fantastic!

What a downpour and I forgot my umbrella.

Vanessa, why are you crying?

I slapped her, she wanted to stay home.

Silly! School is a real nice place.

You drive me mad!

If you don't go to school, you'll end up cleaning like me.

Or being a slut, like Cristal.

She'd whore around before working!

You know the latest? She wants to be an actress!

With her face!

At her age, it's either actress or missionary.

At her age, I washed, I ironed and helped my mother.

But all she does is wreck the house.

And wets her bed every night. Damn brat!

Bed-wetting is normal.

They say I should take her to a psychiatrist.

- As if I were a millionaire! - They always say that.

They think this is America.

They also said it's because she wants attention,

so that I know she exists.

So that I know she exists!

Who the hell do they think gave birth to her?

- Cross on your own. - Bye, Vanessa, and be good.

And put on your hood!

- Want to come with me? - I'm already late.

I'll lend you the umbrella.

In that case, yes. For once you lend me something...

Do something about your hair, it's awful!

It's a mess. I don't have time to go to the beauty salon.

Get yourself a curling iron and a hair dye, that's how I do Vanessa's hair.

A curling iron? That'd be a luxury!

With Antonio's pay, we can't make ends meet.

I'd lend you mine, but you know what I am like.

- Yes, I know... - And Vanessa doesn't want to.

Look at this one. It isn't expensive, don't you think?

It's pretty cheap.

Mine cost a lot more. Of course, it's a lot better.

- Well, I like it. - It's not bad.

- Where are you going? - Third floor left.

- To those drunks? - Well, yes.

No, not outside.

You'll probably regret it. Here.

- Who are you? - Gloria.

Cristal, my neighbour, sent me.

Yes, of course. Come in.

Everything is a mess. My wife and I are writers...

- Where shall I start? - Wherever, in the kitchen...

- The concierge gave me this for you. - Thanks, see you later.

See you later.

Lucas!

What the fuck are you doing in the kitchen?

Can't I ever sleep in peace in this house?

Well...

- What are you doing here? - I'm the cleaning lady.

What's all this about?

She's our cleaning lady, I forgot to tell you.

Cleaning lady? Since when do we have a cleaning lady?

From today.

I did it for you, darling, you can't spend your day cleaning.

You need to finish that wonderful comedy

you started ten years ago.

And how will you pay her? If I may ask.

Don't worry about money.

You wouldn't dare touch the account for my facelift!

You don't need one. You look great.

- How do you do it? - Look at the difference!

- You look Chinese! - See?

Go say you're sorry before she runs away.

- I'm sorry. My name's Patricia. - A pleasure. Mine's Gloria.

Lucas hadn't told me anything. He likes surprising me.

- How about a cup of coffee? - I'd love one, madam.

No, let me do it.

And don't call me madam. Call me Patricia instead.

I still remember how to do it.

- You certainly are a fast worker! - Habit, I suppose.

I find cleaning terribly depressing.

- Pedro, I found you a cleaning lady. - What?

Didn't you want one? You got one.

- What's your cut? - I want to see you happy.

Then shoot me.

Marisol's left me for good this time.

- You don't drink any more. - She can't stand me sober either.

We'll drop by tonight.

I don't want to see you.

- You know we love you. - But I don't love you.

- Forget me. - See you tonight.

No, no.

I'll hang up. Patricia wants to have a chat.

- What's going on? - I'm euphoric.

- And this? - Rejected again!

And you've hired a maid!

Maids inspire writers.

Truman Capote wrote his best novel with his maid.

To write like him, you'll need more than a maid.

I also drink coffee like him.

- Look who's here. - Yes, him again.

- What's up, bro? - Hi.

- How are you? - Fine. And you?

Fine, lend me a coin to play the slot machines.

I have a coin.

I'm hooked. It's the best thing in Madrid.

- Well, you got it? - Sure, here it is.

A gram?

- Good smack? - Super.

Straight from Amsterdam. It's incredible. Trust me.

Don't worry, it's really good.

Look! I got the jackpot!

- That's luck! - I'll buy you a drink.

- I'll have a brandy. - Me, too.

I'll have a mineral water with lots of bubbles.

A mineral water with lots of bubbles and two brandies, please.

Let's go sit in the Alhambra.

- Isn't it pretty? - Yes.

If you haven't seen Granada, you haven't seen anything.

Have you been there?

- Never. - Neither have I.

- Good morning. - Hi, good morning.

I brought you a figurine.

- I already have one. - But it's lonely.

Not through there, through the figurine hole.

Oh, I forgot.

I wonder why you need so much security.

Crooks never sleep.

There you are, Grandma.

Hey, when can I draw my own money?

When you're 18.

Save until then. By the way, how do you do it?

- I don't have vices. - I see.

What is it?

- Hurry! - What?

Look.

Hi, lizard.

- Say hello to him. - The fucker doesn't move.

He's hibernating, Grandma.

- Poor thing, he must be cold! - Lizards are used to it.

Not even a lizard can stand this weather.

Let's go home.

It breaks my heart having to leave him here.

- I know, but... - Look! He's following us.

- What? - Shall we take him home?

Mum won't like it.

- What shall we name him? - Lizard.

- No, there's lots of them. - Something you like then.

I like muffins, the cemetery, plastic bags, money...

We'll call him Money.

- Why? - He's green, like banknotes.

Good morning.

Someone give me a hand!

I've walked up the five floors.

- What's up? - Go get the other bags.

I couldn't carry them all.

They better fix the lift soon or I won't be able to go out ever again.

I feel like I'm in jail.

Toni, you're stealing my fizzy tablets too.

What's that thing?

You've seen it? It's a lizard. We found it in the park.

A lizard. What do you think this is? A zoo?

You scared me.

Leave it. You'll cut yourself.

Let me! You've done enough for one day.

Take that thing away from here!

- He doesn't bite, he's hibernating. - I said I don't want animals here.

His name's Money. Do you like it?

- Grandma and I found it in the park. - It's very pretty.

- You'll complain that you have rashes! - It won't be the lizard's fault!

Either you throw it out or I'll do it!

I'm sick and tired of you.

I'm going to leave one of these days

and we'll see how you cope without me!

Where's my Pro Plus?

Where is it?

I'll ask Saint Anthony to find it.

- Look, your pills! You're blind. - I've told you not to touch them!

I didn't!

I told you St. Anthony would find them.

My watch?

Where's my watch?

Have you seen my watch?

How should I know?

Scatterbrain, always losing things.

Look around.

I have no choice but to ask St. Anthony to find it.

- Are you Gloria? - Yes.

- From the village? - Well...

- Manolo's daughter? - Yes, yes.

Don't you remember?

The times you wetted my apron. You don't remember?

- Well, I... - You were a baby.

- Is this your son? - Yes, his name's Miguel.

- You married Antonio. - Yes.

- Blasa's son. - Yes.

Your mother-in-law...

Give her my regards, I often think about her.

I will.

- Next. - It's our turn.

- See you again. - Tell her you saw me.

OK, bye.

Come in.

Good afternoon.

Sit down. Make yourself at home.

Make yourself comfortable.

Madam, do sit down.

If you're impressionable, it's best to look the other way.

Some frightful things happen around here.

Nothing impresses me anymore.

What a handsome son you have.

- What is your name? - Miguel.

Do you like children?

Yes, I've always liked them.

- You don't have any of your own? - No.

It's sad for a couple not to have children.

I've never married.

I wanted to adopt one, but all that paperwork...

And it's expensive.

Slowly...

Bite, bite...

So then, when will I have to pay the first...

Come to my office.

Listen, Miguel.

I've been speaking to the doctor and he likes you a lot.

I know that.

Well, he'd like to adopt you.

You'd have to live with him here.

What do you think?

You know what's the situation at home...

- Have you got a video recorder? - Yes, Miguel.

And a hi-fi?

Yes, Miguel.

Sony.

I want to take painting lessons and have my own studio.

Don't worry, I will enrol you in the school of Fine Arts.

I'm free, nobody controls me.

- A strong personality. - I like that.

- Hi. - Hi, isn't Gloria in?

No.

- Where is she? - I don't know, out.

It's just that... I need her right now.

She's never home, you can't count on her.

I can't ask you in because I'm busy with my knitting.

Gloria! A girl's been looking for you.

- Who? - But it's me...

- What is it? - I've got something for you.

Really, what?

I couldn't care less. You bore me.

She's rude. Tell me.

Well...

I don't care.

Want to make some easy money?

- For God's sake! - You don't have to move!

- He's waiting. - Don't be crazy!

I'm not starting at my age. And Antonio will be here any minute.

It won't take long.

All you have to do is sit by the bed and watch.

He's an... exhibitionist.

- It couldn't be easier. - All right.

But if he touches me, I'm off. I'm not in a joking mood today.

- Hi. - My friend, a client.

- Madam. - Evening.

Sit down. I'm about to start.

At first glance, I may look too thin,

but don't believe it.

My arms, for example, are stronger than they look.

But a man doesn't screw with his arms.

My torso may seem too skinny,

but a man doesn't screw with his torso.

My legs?

My legs aren't those of a sportsman.

But a man doesn't screw with his legs.

What does a man screw with? You?

You?

With his cock.

With his cock?

Exactly.

That's what I'm getting at.

I have a huge cock!

Every time I enter a woman's vagina,

I destroy her!

Jesus!

That's why I've got to go with whores with big cunts stretched through use.

Normal women won't go with me.

They should like it, but they're scared.

And my spunk!

You can't imagine what it's like.

So white! So thick!

Such pressure. It's like a geyser! Great for the skin.

Come in.

Such a cosy house!

- Yeah, but we can't live here. - I like it.

Look, I want to take him to the village.

So he can run around, with the cats, with the neighbours.

We just can't stay in Madrid. We can't breathe.

I don't know...

You see, Gloria came this morning and she forgot this.

Her watch! I knew we would find it! St Anthony never fails me.

- You, here? - I brought Gloria's watch back.

She forgot it this morning when she came to do the cleaning.

Thank you.

- And I wanted to see you. - Me?

- Yes. - Let's go to the bar.

- Where's Gloria? - At Cristal's.

- Women today just won't stay home! - Goodbye, madam.

- Do you feel it inside? - Yes, yes.

- Tell me how it feels. - I feel it.

- Tell me with passion! - I feel it real well!

- Tell me again, love. - Oh! I feel it really well.

Listen, I think I'm about to...

- Are you coming? - I think so.

- Tell me how! - I'm coming, I'm coming!

- Tell me about it! - I'm coming just fine.

It's so nice...

How nice! How satisfying!

I'll do the 24 Hours of Le Mans.

- A glass of wine. - Same for me.

I'm listening.

- Overtaking number seven. - Let's move over there.

The moment I saw Hitler's letters, I got this wonderful idea.

What's that got to do with me?

I'm writing a dictator's memoirs.

With a few changes, it could be Hitler.

I'll give you the text, you copy it.

When it becomes known that we have Hitler's memoirs,

we can ask anything we want, I'm talking about millions.

Do you realise that what you are proposing is a crime?

- You've forged letters before. - That wasn't the same.

It was true that Hitler had written to Lotte Von Mossel,

but the letters got lost.

According to your friend Ingrid Müller.

Keep her out of it!

Think about the money, talk to Gloria.

I don't need to talk to anyone!

And you be careful. I could tell the cops about you.

Now, I'll do the Ford.

An old model.

The starter...

What were you doing there?

I borrowed a curling iron from Cristal...

You and I better have a little chat.

I don't want you hanging around Cristal.

Quiet, she'll hear you!

Cristal is like a sister to me.

- She's a whore! - So what?

- They could mistake you for one! - Really?

You think that any man would pay to sleep with me looking like this?

And I don't want you to work anywhere, get it?

What about the rent?

And the television payments? And the service charges?

And the children's clothes? And the doctors and food?

You're a nitwit! Always thinking about luxuries!

What a shame!

Luxuries! I don't even have winter shoes!

We live like gypsies and you don't want me to work.

Do you think I enjoy it?

There are more important things than money.

- Really? - Decency for one.

If I weren't honest, I could make a bundle.

But I happen to be a decent man.

Does decency cut your appetite?

You heard me. I forbid you to be with Cristal!

And you're not going back to that writer's!

Let them clean their own shit!

Give me money then, and I won't go back!

Why don't you put on a little make-up?

Why don't you make up your prick?

The Lebanon crisis worries me.

The Lebanon crises... You're my Lebanon!

Supper will be ready in a second.

I'm off. I've had enough!

Isn't it a good idea?

Worthy of you, but count me out.

I just need some money to pay for the trip and the German translation.

It's the last time I ask you for anything!

I said no!

I told you it was impossible.

Pedro, I understand you're upset about Marisol,

but why take it out on your elder brother?

Why don't you have some green wine?

It doesn't look green.

- It's the bottle. - Thanks, but I won't.

I've gone through hell to stop drinking.

Just sniff it.

What a strong smell!

Your sense of smell's gone with the treatment.

I'll just try a little. But keep an eye on me.

It tastes like sherry to me.

What a shame! You've even lost your taste!

Won't it hurt me with all those pills I'm taking?

May all evil fall on Patricia.

Isn't he funny?

I'll go and touch up my make-up.

Don't drink it all, I'm a bit of an alcoholic too.

- Did you get anything? - He couldn't even hold the pen!

Marisol...

Here I am. Are you going to leave him like this?

I'm not in a babysitting mood.

Marisol, you're back...

Yes, yes, my love... Let's put him to bed.

He'll never forgive me for being a genius.

Lucas, you're a pig and so am I.

But what are we going to do about this?

You respect nothing.

Don't complain. I was a kleptomaniac when we met.

Invent an excuse and return them. I'm embarrassed.

What could we get for them?

Quite a lot for a Rolex and a gold cigarette case.

But they're gifts from his girlfriend. You can't sell them.

This way he'll forget her sooner.

Sleeping on the couch! You're always so contrary, son!

- Hi! What's going on? - Nothing.

Your father's in one of his moods.

- Don't scratch yourself. - It itches.

- What's going on today? - I think I'll go to school.

To school again? But you already know everything.

Why's the old man sleeping on the couch?

We had a fight.

- And where's Miguel? - I've left him with the dentist.

Don't worry, he's better off than we are.

That kid's got it made!

- Let me comb your hair. - Christ! You're hooked!

You look like a caveman.

- Why did you stop it? - I'm sick of that song.

- Want some? - No, thanks.

Well, I'm listening.

Well, I sweat a lot.

My hair is falling out. This is a wig.

I'm not a dermatologist.

Besides that, I'm a bit impotent.

That's something else. Who with?

- What do you mean? - With men or women?

Women, who did you think?

Are you sure you don't like men?

No.

Are you seeing anyone? Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes.

Next time, you bring her.

But what's wrong with me?

I don't think it's serious but we'll find out next time.

Today, I feel awful.

Who did I have supper with?

Who are you?

The cleaning lady.

- Your brother sent me. - Right...

By the way, do you know if my brother was here last night?

No, sir.

And my girlfriend? Well, my ex-girlfriend.

No, sir, I don't.

That's weird.

Well, bring her next week.

Marisol's doings. She's taken back her gifts.

Carmen, do you know if my ex-girlfriend was here last night?

I don't think so. I'll call you back later...

Passengers to Berlin via Frankfurt, gate 13, please.

They won't even let me die in peace.

Who are you?

Lucas Villalba, a writer.

- Do you speak French? - No.

It doesn't matter. Let me in.

Who gave you my address?

- Your publishers. - The pricks!

I don't grant interviews, I'm busy.

Go away!

I want to talk first!

Why don't you leave me alone?

I'm a friend of Antonio's, your old chauffeur.

Antonio? That poor devil...

Give him my best.

He still loves you.

What are you doing?

I'm committing suicide.

Can't you see?

You can't! We've got to talk first.

- Where's the bathroom? - Over there.

Why can't you let me die in peace?

Your career is over, you're broke. You only have memories.

You haven't changed with the times.

No, times haven't changed with me.

I'll give you the chance to make lots of money.

I don't trust you.

You know Antonio's a great forger.

I'm writing Hitler's memoirs.

He could forge the manuscript.

And what must I do?

Convince him.

You already did it once, here's the proof.

- Why should I help you? - I just saved your life.

One more reason to hate you.

If you don't help me I'll tell the cops you're forgers.

I don't give a shit!

Think of Lotte Von Mossel!

She's dead.

What would become of her reputation?

But what can I do?

Speak to Antonio.

Tell him you'll go see him in Madrid. Tell him you need him.

I can't call him now. I feel so weak.

Better, he'll think you've moved.

Answer it.

Hello?

Antonio, this is Ingrid Müller.

Frau Müller! What a surprise!

I've been wanting to call you,

but I didn't want to bother you.

You, bother me?

I've often thought about you!

I've never forgotten you.

Every day I think about you.

Antonio, I'd like to see you.

Frau Müller, if only I had known...

What would you say if I came to Madrid to speak to you about business?

You? Come here?

To see me?

If you don't mind. I'd love to.

When?

Soon, I'll let you know.

I have a small problem and only you can help me.

Will you?

But of course. You can count on me.

Thank you, Antonio.

Now that I've spoken to you, I feel better.

I'm so lonely.

Don't say that, you have me.

Thank you, darling. See you soon.

Great!

Goodbye.

Will you eat here?

Yes.

What's changed your mood? That whore's phone call?

Don't talk like that about Ingrid Müller.

When will she let us be?

- What has she done to you? - Nothing, and to you?

- You're jealous. - Who? Me?

You were drooling when you were talking to her.

But I'm not jealous.

You can go back to Germany whenever you like.

You're going too far. Be careful.

What's that?

Nothing, a lizard.

He doesn't bite, he's very nice.

I told you not to leave your box. My son's so delicate.

See? I'm not the only who goes too far.

Don't speak like that about my mother!

I set the rules here!

If you don't like it, there's the door.

- Very well! - Please, don't fight because of me.

I'm the one who must go back to the village.

This is your home!

They don't love us, Money, they don't.

And the lizard's home is here!

I'll never manage to learn. I'm not a good student.

You're a great student, you will learn!

I'd like to study agriculture. I could take care of the ranch.

- That'll make me happy. - I spent my life hoping...

How about setting up a ranch in the village?

Right on, man!

SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS

Let's go and see what we find in the park.

All right. Sure.

- May I help you? - Some Pro Plus, please.

You need a prescription, and it's no longer on sale.

Well, then, give me an alternative.

I can't either.

- I've always bought them. - You shouldn't have.

Well, give me some Dexedrine or something like that.

I'm a nervous wreck!

- You have the syndrome. - The syndrome? What's that?

Look, madam, go to the doctor.

Tell him you're an addict and you need pills.

Me, an addict!

You're insulting me!

What you're asking for are drugs.

All right, so now I'm a drug addict.

And what do you want me to? Hold up the drugstore?

Those are the rules.

And what are the rules when one has to work all day long?

That's your problem.

Are you deaf, damn it?

I'm cooking supper!

Come here!

What is it?

You're such a pig! Using my hairpins to clean your ears.

- I'm not going to work. - How come? You won the lottery?

I'm going to pick up Frau Müller. Iron my white shirt.

What you going to do with her? Where will you go?

We'll drive on the freeway, she'll like that.

- Iron that shirt, I'm in a hurry. - Iron it yourself!

What's wrong?

I don't want a fight.

- What is it? - Just leave me alone!

- I told you to iron that shirt! - And I told you to iron it yourself!

What are you saying?

Don't you ever put your hands on me again!

Money?

Money...

Put the soap in.

Come on, hurry up!

I want to see the TV programme.

That's right, go ahead and program it.

That way, you'll learn.

And don't you move until it's finished.

- I want to see the telly! - No telly for you today!

And since you are off school, you'll be doing all the housework.

If Dad were here, he wouldn't treat me like this.

Don't you mention him again!

- It's true! - Don't answer back!

If you move, I'll smash you against the wall!

You old bag!

Poor thing, you'll traumatise her.

I'm in much worse shape than she is and I take it.

She's like her father, the fucking bitch.

- Backless... - Backless?

And shorter, or I'll look like a nun.

- How? - Like in the picture.

- Let me see. Like this? - A little higher.

Fucking God Almighty! My vase!

- It was your fault! - I'll kill her!

- But she's in the kitchen. - I'm telling you, it's her.

Relax! It's just a vase.

Listen, I think you only feel with your cunt!

You're so gross!

Goddamn you! I've told you not to mention him!

- Hello. - Hi, Gloria.

- What's happening? - She's beating her up.

I just can't stand it.

And don't move from here! We'll see who's stronger here!

- She's just a child. - Don't spoil her!

She doesn't deserve it! She can rot!

She can rot!

- I hate her! - Don't say that!

It's not nice to hate your mother.

She hates me too because I remind her of Dad.

He left because of her.

Sometimes a father is no solution.

Why don't you adopt me?

I'm not such a good mother either.

Then I'll adopt you.

The ideas you have!

What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm just tired.

I'll go fix supper.

- Bye, sweetie. - Bye.

I'll baste it tonight, you'll try it tomorrow.

Can you lend me a bay leaf or two?

I just bought some today.

She's losing it.

She went into a fit because a vase broke.

- It was just a vase. - You know what's she's like.

Gossiping behind my back? Here.

Do I criticise you for being a whore?

I raise my daughter as I fu... But I don't want to swear.

Poor thing! No wonder she's the way she is.

- What do you mean? - Don't make me talk.

- I'm sick of you! - And me of you, slut!

Why have a child if you can't even love her?

Why don't you stick your tongue up your arse?

Forgive me, but I can't handle this. I've enough problems of my own.

I'm going too, and I'm taking my dress!

Come on! Out!

That's what I get for being nice.

I'll never give her another dress to make!

I really mean it!

She's bitter because no one looks at her.

Not all women can have a body like mine,

that make men go wild,

but to be ugly doesn't mean you have to be rude.

That's what I think.

And I simply can't stand people yelling. I can't simply stand it...

It's Grandma's lizard.

It's got blood.

Holy Mary! What a lightning flash!

Let's take cover!

Sweet Jesus, protect us from all evil...

Goodness... It's swelling!

Money! Where's that fucking lizard?

It was done with a very sharp object.

- It smells fishy. - But this soup smells lovely.

- Looking for something? - Do you have a metal bar?

- A baseball bat? - A spanner?

We don't have anything like that here.

We have to search the whole flat.

Certainly. Do what you have to do.

- Want a little soup? - No, thank you.

You have some, it'll do you good.

No.

I'll never be able to have soup again.

I understand how you feel, but we need to talk.

Just for a few minutes.

As you wish. Let's go to the living room.

- Your husband had enemies? - I suppose so.

- He wasn't a very nice person. - Move!

Was he ever robbed in the taxi?

He was, last week, as a matter of fact.

- Did he report it? - I think so.

Crooks sometimes take revenge if they know they've been reported.

But it's strange they came here.

People can be so mean.

- Inspector. - Perhaps they've got a clue!

Money!

We found this stick in there and there are many more.

- Sticks? - Grandma picks them up in the park.

Check it well.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.

When she comes out, search everything.

- We already have, Inspector. - Do it again. She's weird.

- This stick is clean. - Leave it over there then.

- These drawers are locked. - Break them open.

Yes, boss.

- Mineral water... - From Catalonia!

- Fizzy tablets and muffins! - Fizzy tablets...

That's Granny's.

She's addicted to sweets and fizzy drinks.

- Is that why she lock them up? - She's very stingy.

Where is she?

I don't know. Perhaps at the movies with the kid.

Tell me, what were you doing at the time?

- And now what? - Don't know.

- It's such a small flat. - And so strange.

I had just started a soup and I had no bay leaf,

so I went to Juani's, upstairs.

I spent some time there, chatting, with her daughter Vanessa

and my neighbour, Cristal.

- Where does Cristal live? - Next door, on the left.

How long were you with them?

About 20 minutes.

Juani had just beaten Vanessa and I was comforting her.

Then... Cristal came down with me

and... when we got here,

we found...

We found him.

Did you hear or see anything?

Nothing.

With the motorway right here, it's impossible to hear anything and...

- We've searched everywhere... - Nothing.

What's that?

- Is the lizard Grandma's? - Yes, she loves animals.

Get off!

- Why did you kill it? - It gave me the creeps.

- Our only witness! - The lizard?

- It had met the murderer. - When?

Stay here. I'll question the neighbours.

Throw it out, there's been enough blood here.

I'm sorry, madam.

- Are you Cristal? - Cristal Scott.

- Mind if I check your ID? - You don't trust me?

I'll have to look for it, I don't know where I left it.

It's not here...

Let's see, here you are.

- It says Carmen Martinez. - I'm an actress and a singer.

Yeah, I can see that.

- Is it a crime to be talented? - It depends.

Move. I'm going to close it.

A murder's been committed next door.

Tell me about it! I found the body!

Tell me exactly what happened.

Will you sit down or shall I show you round?

Let's sit down.

Tell me what you've done in the past hour.

I was at Juani's, trying on a dress.

As soon as we get home, we'll change into some dry clothes.

But... what's this?

It's Money, and he's dead.

Fuck! He must have fallen off.

No, he's been killed!

- Would you like a drink? - No, thank you.

I'll have one.

Was the cabbie one of your admirers?

He wasn't very nice

and was Gloria's husband, and she's my friend.

What do you take me for?

- Where does Juani live? - On the sixth floor.

- Don't move from here. - Where would I go?

I'm not finished.

Well, I am! I have nothing else to tell you.

It's just not right for someone to just come and kill you!

I mean, look, a girl like me, living alone,

with so many expensive objects...

It's simply not right!

- You killed him! Murderer! - What's up?

- The life of the house! - My mother in law.

We found the lizard dead on the street.

- The lizard too? - What do you mean?

Crystal, please, do you mind taking them with you till this is over?

- You... - Why? What happened?

Nothing happened.

Hello, gorgeous!

- Are they Ingrid Müller? - Of course not!

- She's not coming then. - Antonio neither...

Let's call them.

OK, I'll write down the number. Wait a second.

- Do you have a pen? - Yes.

Thank you.

Excuse me, what does it say here?

That Ingrid Müller has committed suicide.

Look, Ingrid Müller has committed suicide.

And Antonio's has been murdered.

- But, why? - Maybe for love.

- Poor things. - Poor us!

- What luck you have! - Speak for yourself. You're jinxed!

- Here. - Thanks.

Thanks, my arse! Give me the dough!

And you wouldn't prefer, you know...

- No way! I want the money. - You really are hard.

You got some cheek!

- How are you? - What do you think?

You must put up with it.

Yes, but I want to go to the village.

I don't want to be buried here, away from home

like my poor son and the lizard.

- We'll go, granny. - Sure.

- Hi, Gloria. - Hi, Cristal.

- My condolences. - Thank you, Cristal.

Your friend the writer no longer needs me.

If you hear of anything, let me know.

- Don't worry, I'll tell you. - Thanks.

Do you want me to lend you some money?

No, it's fine. We'll manage.

- I'm off. I've got a special job. - You're so lucky!

I've decided to go to the village with Grandma.

Wonderful!

I'll be rid of you all!

You can come with us if you wish.

- You gotta be kidding... - You wouldn't be alone...

- As if you cared! - I do care.

What are you doing?

I'm going to paper the house, it's filthy.

- Want a hand? - No, I don't.

No. I don't want anybody's help. I'll do it on my own!

Gran, let's go get my money from the bank.

- What for? - To get the bus tickets.

You mean it? You really mean it?

Come on. Let's go.

- Get the door, Toni. - I'm going.

- And Gloria? - In the kitchen.

What are you up to?

I found some cheap paper to do the house up.

Don't know. What's cheap turns out expensive.

Can you keep an eye on her? I don't trust her on her own.

All right, fine.

You better behave!

If I find out you've misbehaved... And sort your hair out!

Let her be.

Thanks, see you later.

Want a comic? Because I'm pretty busy.

- I'll watch you. - Well, you'll have fun.

I've got to clear all this and paper the walls.

- I can help you. - No, thanks. You're too small.

- I'll do it myself. - I know how. Look.

Vanessa, you've got powers!

Yes, ever since I was little. Anything else?

Well, we could start with the kitchen.

I'll do it.

- My girlfriend, Carmen Martínez. - How do you do?

Do sit down.

It's good to have a girlfriend. It will be easier.

Impotence is caused by what we call "anxiety of execution."

Yes, of course.

Too much importance is given to coitus.

There are other ways to find pleasure...

Yes, many, many...

Accordingly, we'll try to avoid an erection.

We will start with some re-sensualisation exercises.

- You've got... nice bodies. - Thank you.

So play with them and enjoy them,

but no erection and, of course, no penetration.

And the anxiety will disappear.

Yeah, but if he gets...

Well, you understand me...

Gets an erection? No, I don't think so.

Yes, but from what you've told us... Well, he very well could...

In that case, it's up to you two.

- Thanks, Carmen. - Thanks, nothing!

It's 20 quid and only because you're a policeman.

And don't call me Carmen, I'm Cristal!

To me, you're Carmen.

To me this is work! And the exercises aren't included.

- What a surprise! - Hi, Gloria.

- What are you doing here? - We've come to clean.

Of course, you know Inspector Polo, right?

- How are you? - Fine.

We haven't given up. But nothing's clear.

Antonio's dead, the rest doesn't matter!

I always run into her, the odd looks she gives me...

What the poor thing needs is a nice big dick.

If we manage to fix your things, you could give her a hand.

You haven't told her about us, have you?

Of course not. It's a professional secret.

- Take off your clothes. - No, you do it for me.

You've got some cheek...

Couldn't you put on another record?

I must learn English.

How am I going to manage in Las Vegas?

What will you do there?

Become a star.

What do you think, with a body like mine!

Speaking of that, let's check you out.

- And you, too. - Me! How dare you!

"High quality", as they say.

Touch me through my clothes, it's sexier.

- You got a nice body. - I work out.

- A policeman must have a nice build. - I like it that way.

- Do you like it? - Well, yes...

It's not bad, actually.

- Don't charge me, then. - You a pimp or what?

If you don't charge me, I won't mention the heroin.

- What heroin? - In the Chinese box.

Can't you stop poking about?

You won't ever get cured like this and things like this take time.

It excites me more if you don't charge me.

I take it now and then to lose weight.

Heroin cuts your appetite, in case you didn't know.

But you look fine.

You want me to look like a cow.

Flatterer! You're a flatterer!

Such a silly cop!

- It's growing. - Better that way.

I like it, but it makes me nervous, like the psychiatrist said...

- Forget him! - Forget the heroin!

You are the only heroine here.

What are you doing?

I'm letting off steam!

- There are more normal ways to do it. - Too bad they don't work for me!

- How's the case going? - I don't know...

No one knows anything, no one has seen anything...

A tough nut to crack.

I see you with Cristal a lot lately...

You don't think she did it, do you?

- Why do you ask me that? - She knows nothing.

I'm the one who killed my husband!

With a ham bone!

Like that!

Don't go shouting it from the rooftops!

- It's dangerous. - I don't give a damn!

- Go get some seats. - Yes, let's go.

I'll be right there. I just want some water.

Get me a window seat!

- Blasa! - Paquita!

- You here! - How are you?

- Fine, I'm going to the village. - Really? Me, too.

So sorry to hear about your poor son.

- I'm really truly sorry. - Thank you.

By the way, who's died in the village lately?

Many people. There's not one old person left.

But better for the old ones to die than the young ones.

- Indeed. - Poor Torreznos hanged himself.

- He didn't wait for the Lord's call. - My God!

His wife also died eight days later, from sorrow.

- My God! - You can't imagine...

And the cold, it's terrible.

It's a good thing you're collecting firewood.

Give me this, it's Grandma's.

Don't take any more Pro Plus. They're bad for you.

I haven't had one since your dad died, and I feel worse.

That's the cold turkey. Don't worry, it will pass.

- You think so? - Yeah.

Here, this is for you.

But where did you get this money from?

My savings.

How little I know you...

- You'll go to school in the village? - No, I'll work the land.

The sacrifices we've made to give you an education!

I'll write, OK?

- Don't forget I am your mother. - Don't you worry.

- Bye, Gloria. - Bye, Grandma.

- Gloria, goodbye. - Mrs. Paquita.

- Take care of yourself. - I will.

- You look awful. - Thank you.

And no more pills from now on.

- Miguel! - Hi, Mum! I heard about dad.

- How did it happen? - In the kitchen...

He fell against the sink and broke his neck.

I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to suffer.

I'm here to stay. This house needs a man.

What about the doctor?

At first, it was fun.

But I'm too young to tie myself down with anyone.

Toni told me they were going to the village.

They've left.

Did Dad miss me?

He worked so hard that he didn't realise you were gone.

But I missed you a lot.

I'm so glad you're back.

THE END