Original subtitles

[upbeat rock music]

[food sizzling] [rock music continues]

Auds, wake the fuck up!

We're going hard!

Oh fuck! [Backwoods groaning]

It's Jimi's retirement weekend.

You can sleep when he's dead!

Okay, I'll distract him,

but you fucking gotta get outta here!

With what? A teleporter?

Go hide!

For fuck sakes. Here?

[Todd]. Audrey, look.

Special delivery. You're gonna love this.

[Backwoods]. Ew. A used rubber?

Hey Auds? You alive or what?

Fuck bro,

you can't just barge in here like that, okay?

'Cause I was rubbing one out.

I'm glad I didn't walk in on that. [chuckles]

Yeah, pssht, me too.

Here, get this Caesar into ya.

All your essential nutrients.

Awesome. Tomatoes, vodka, clams, and...

Holy shit. Way more vodka.

Made with one of my famous pickled beans.

This new batch?

Make your ass lips pucker.

Can't wait.

[Todd]. You're welcome.

Fuck! Grab your shit!

Ninja flip. [grunts]

Oh. One more thing. You...

Huh?

You want your eggs 'Todd-style'?

Uh no, scrambled's fine.

Scrambled coming up. - Thank you!

[Todd]. You're welcome again.

No problem at all.

Get the fuck outta here!

[Backwoods]. [to himself] Fuck. What have I done?

Okay, here we go. Okay.

Oh shit, this is gonna suck!

Fuuuuck! Ugh!

[Backwoods groaning]

Why the hell were you up on our roof?

Todd's roof.

He's got shingle rot.

[Dewey]. And there goes the timer.

[groans] Holy fuck it's cold!

Ugh!

No need for a shower now.

[Backwoods groaning]

Shingle rock?

First I'm hearing of it, Mr. Handy-Mullet.

Are you shaving your whole face?

I've been doing it since I was five.

Oh.

You do it once and it grows back thicker.

If I don't stay on top of this, I'm a daytime werewolf.

Oh look who it is.

[whispers] I'm not here.

[grunts] Oh. [Snax chittering]

Oh. Hey, what up, Snax?

Shhhhh!

Morning, boss!

You look pleased.

Don't even go there, dicklamp.

Your waitering service last night was bullshit.

What the fuck happened to the dessert I paid for?

Oh I ate the dessert myself.

You were too busy eating my sister's face.

[Dewey rolling his tongue]

Hey, you wanna see a drawing of the dream I had?

Are you wearing clothes this time?

The fuck? Oh Jesus.

Is that your stepmom again?

Yeah, Miss Nancy.

Except this time she's part woman,

part recliner.

You really need to talk to somebody about this.

I am!

You're my someone!

I'm not qualified.

What do you think this dream means?

Ah, great.

We're all clear.

Ow, you fucking city weasel! [groans]

[Snax chittering]

[Backwoods grunting]

Ah fuck!

Don't stare him in the eyes!

You should know better.

I do know better.

How 'bout I just punt the fuckin' thing over the fence?

[Todd]. Hey buddy, what are you doing here?

Oh, hey bud.

I just, uh, coming to, uh, take you to breakfast.

I got breakfast on the go inside.

Come on in. - Oh nice.

What happened to your face? You get in a fight?

Yeah, no, it's, uh, just running through the bush

huntin' squirrels and shit.

How come you're all wet?

Uh, 'cause it was raining over where I am.

[sniffs] What's that?

I smell pizza or something?

[Todd]. Raining? There's not a fuckin' cloud in the sky.

Drive that into ya.

[Audrey]. Wow. Todd-style.

[Backwoods]. Oh yeah.

[whispers] What is that?

Did I do that to you?

No, no. [chuckles]

Dewey?

Thank you, Toddler.

Uh, did everyone have a good night?

Oh yeah.

[giggles] Sure did. - Yeah?

Anyone special spend the night?

Todd?

Nope. And probably for the best 'cause I snore like a bastard.

Playing hard to get, huh?

Good strategy.

Not that hard.

We already talked about another date.

[Backwoods] Attaboy! - [Audrey] Sweet!

Nice! - Nice!

Mmmhmm!

What'd you get up to after Dana and I left last night?

I left right after you guys.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Um, what time did you leave?

[laughs] Later! Later.

A little later. Not too late.

Not nose beers late, nothing like that, you know?

Just, uh, early for some, later for others,

you know what I mean?

It's just kind of just [laughs], one of those good ole...

Yes!

You're being weird.

[whispers] No I'm not.

Well, you guys got some catching up to do

'cause I'm already on round two.

[upbeat country rock music]

[Audrey]. Happy Monday.

[Todd]. Ugh, what a messy weekend.

My brains are scrambled.

[Audrey]. You gonna be okay to work today?

You get that all outta your system?

[Todd]. I don't know, man.

Okay. - All right.

You are not hungover.

You're good!

You're definitely hungover.

Here. Coffee.

Check. - After coffee gum.

Thank you.

Take this for the pain.

Chase it down with this.

What would you do without me?

I'd be fucked.

Look at me.

Ow! - Now you're good.

[laughs] What the fuck?

Let's go Monday!

Let's do this!

Woo! We are crushing life!

Crushing it!

Good morning, ladies.

Hey! It's Monday but Todd's got Friday energy.

Oh yeah. - [Bev] You smell that?

That's the smell of money being made, bitches.

Nice. - [Barb] Paycheck's cleared.

I gave us a raise!

As you should.

While you're at it, I'll take one.

Sure, sweetheart. Pew pew. Pew pew.

That's the walk of a man that wishes I'd take him back.

I heard that!

He heard that.

Maybe I wanted you to. [laughs]

[rhythmic country music]

Hey Chips! Breakfast of champions.

Fuck! Hey Stephy! What's cracking?

Hey, brother!

Today could be the day, zero infractions.

Oh, let's hope. Oh!

Oh! Was that one?

Nothing unsafe about that.

That's called team spirit!

Yeah, it is.

Don't you fuck this up for me, Winky.

Hey Tase! Don't just stand there,

put your hands in your pockets!

Why stand when you can lean?

Why lean when you can sit?

Clocked in, tuned out.

Have a good shift, everyone.

Play safe!

Todd! Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd.

Look at this.

We finally solved the mystery of the eight-inch pube.

It's not a pube.

It's a hair off the janitor's head.

Oh well thank fuck!

I've been praying for closure to that one.

[soft country music]

[Taser] You wash your hands? - [Tanner] No.

[Taser]. No, no, no, no. That came out of the pisser.

Go wash your hands!

[country music continues]

Morning, sunshine!

Hey Chelsea.

Hell of a night at Jimi's parity.

Yeah. Officially unionized.

Heres to progress.

Also, congrats.

You get to swing the axe today.

It's your first official layoff as General Foreman.

Well that was a fun little 180.

Contract got pulled.

Initially it was four guys, but I got it down to one,

so clock's ticking.

One? That's it?

Don't we have apprentices sitting around

or travel cards visiting?

Retirees?

You're one head heavy.

You know the crews.

I'm sorry, but I need a name.

Can you do it?

Layoffs are your job, GF.

Okay, can I just-

No, you can't pick yourself.

[sighing] Fuuuuuuck.

You're colon called.

It's scared.

It's unionized.

It's organizing a walkout through my butthole.

At this point, I feel like you're not even digesting food.

You're more brining yourself from the inside out.

I taste the food then the food tastes me.

Okay. You asked, I delivered.

This is colloidal silver.

This'll help get rid of my lung whistle?

[Roach throat whistling] Oh yeah.

This stuff knocked the tickle out of my throat

and opened my third eye.

This is the shit the FDA doesn't want you to know about it.

Oh-ho-ho!

Try it! Whattaya gotta lose?

Come on, man. I'm telling ya!

Smells like a slot machine, man.

Is that fish?

Yes. - Ugh!

It's hand-smoked mackerel for my uncle Ezekiel.

[Audrey]. Yeah, well now everyone is smoked.

It's delicious. Look at it.

Oh, you microwaved it in tinfoil?

You dummy!

No. That's precisely what you're supposed to do with it.

That is literally the one thing

you're not supposed to put in a microwave.

It'll cause fireworks.

I need to show you some Backwoods culture, okay?

This is the proper way. - [Auds] Who raised you?

Oh yeah, wolves.

Yeah, something's fishy and it ain't that mackerel.

[Taser sniffing]

Oh yeah.

Bad herring, you think?

No. They...

Small sips! Small sips!

[Roach gasping]

That Snax is a wild boy.

You know what?

You actually might need a rabies shot.

Maybe.

I mean, what do you think? You want to come with?

We'll make it a date.

You're asking me on a rabies date?

Fuck yeah.

It's not my first shot and it won't be my last

so you might as well just come with me.

I'll get blasted and then we'll go get some wings.

I do like sweet and spicy.

Yeah? - Yeah.

Do you like it like the weekend?

From what I remember, it was okay.

What you remember?

Better than okay. You know it, admit it.

You had fun. Come on. You did.

Give it. - [chuckling] Stop it.

Give it. - I'm fucking serious.

Reggie, I'm fucking serious. Okay?

What? - This does not go beyond us.

You're his best friend. I'm his fucking sister.

I will not be the toolbox talk.

No one here will know anything about what happened between us.

Top of the morning, lovers!

Fuck off!

For fuck sakes, Dew!

You fucking snake!

Oh my God, Dewey!

That is right, I know everything.

[gasps] I told you.

What do you mean, "told me"?

He lives there!

The price for my silence will be forty bucks.

[gasps] What?!

However, I will not delete the mental images.

Ew.

You're not extorting me, Dewey.

I will fuck your shit up!

Get him!

It's a bit aggressive for a guilty conscience.

You give me $40 and I will-

I will handle this. - I don't have $40.

I will give you a fucking punch in the balls, Dewey,

and I will squeeze your head off.

How does that sound?

Easy, big fella.

Imagine Todd's face when he finds out his bestie

and his sister played the little game of drill and fill, huh?

Okay, he's kinda got us.

Fuck you, Dewey!

Forty for your silence.

It's a good deal. Good deal.

Fine. Don't be like some fucking foot fungus

coming back next week, Dewey.

We expect your silence.

Yeah, well, fungus is resilient.

Silence!

[Todd]. Okay, here we go.

Who's the most expendable?

Come on Tanner. Come on Tanner.

Fuuuuuuuck!

All right.

I guess we let the people decide.

[playful music]

Ladies! - God!

Can't you see we're on a banana break, Dewey?

[Bev]. Geezus, Dewey.

I have been entrusted with something of an adult nature.

Hmm. Do tell.

How adult are we talking?

Triple X adult.

Maximum spicey.

Ooh, that's my favourite level of spice.

And I'm the only one that knows!

Not for long.

All right, who's up?

Oh, here we go.

Hey, Tan-Man. - Hey.

Quick question.

How do you feel about taking a long weekend?

Maybe back-to-back long weekends?

And all the days in between?

Uh, I mean, I'd love the time off.

Is it paid? I need the hours.

No, I was thinking more voluntarily.

Oh. Well, I'm saving up for a place of my own

'cause I still live at home with my mom, man.

Oh, you do, do ya?

And she just got a new boyfriend.

Right.

At night, I can't hear him,

but, ugh, I can sure as hell hear her.

Okay. - Oh fuck.

Unless that is him.

I hope not.

I actually gotta be somewhere different.

[funky playful music]

Didn't see the sign?

I saw it.

Whoa. Beauty.

What? - What?

So listen, Roach,

what do you think about taking some time off?

Uh, like a paid vacation?

No, it would just be a vacation.

Oh I can't.

I'm two payments behind on my dirt bike.

That's okay.

They said they'd take my thumb

and this one's opposable so...

I guess you can't paint without your thumb.

No.

Fuck sakes!

Hey man, you didn't even piss.

Oh! [grunts]

Are you sure you don't want a bit of time off?

Hell no.

Look at these delts.

They're not gonna feed themselves.

Look at 'em.

Which ones are the delts again?

I just can't do it.

I know too much about their lives.

They all have stories.

Debts.

Pets that need surgeries.

A guy's mom having sloppy, loud sex.

It's fucked.

You're the GF, Todd.

Part of the job is making hard calls.

Look, I know it sucks.

Just find the balance between being a friend and a leader.

[Roach]. What does this have to do...?

[Homer]. It's more than about your piss, Roach,

it's everything!

Todd!

The fuck?

Look at this.

If you trace the silver supply chain backwards, bam!

That's where the airborne microchips come in.

Right under our ignorant little noses.

I was just asking why my piss is so, uh, stinky.

Honest.

No, no, no, no. Look. That's the detox piss, man.

It's the best kind of piss.

It's the number one of number ones.

Now come on. Move!

Happy scrapbooking, boys.

Fuck you, Todd!

Good one.

And you're having a tough time finding a candidate?

Crazy gets shit done.

Oh. Conch wouldn't be Conch without crazy.

[Medhi]. Watch that line, Leonard.

I'm not sure about that calculation.

I used your theorem.

[Medhi]. Not very well.

Leonard. Medhi?

Where are you?

Why are you on a necklace?

I'm supervising Leonard's work from abroad.

My arms got tired,

so I made this Medhi strap-on.

Unfortunately, his arms tire very easily.

What? Not that easily.

Well boys, if these walls could talk...

[clattering]

I just alphabetized those!

What's our little rat saying now?

No clue.

I don't tell tales out of school.

[Medhi]. Oh sure. Right, right, right.

Come on, Punky Dewster.

Spit it out.

But a certain lady carpenter

and her burly journeyman have been 'erecting platforms'

after hours!

What? - [Leonard] What?

Oh shit! Wait.

Ah! My connection glitched.

Ah, Leonard, elevate me.

Closer.

I want to study his eyes.

[Dewey]. I'm telling you the truth.

You're thrown by my droopy eye.

I was born with it.

I don't think so.

I don't think he's telling the truth.

Hmmmm...

Tase! - Ah!

Fuck, Dewey.

You can't tell anyone.

It's top secret.

Okay.

Auds and Bareback are doing the horizontal fender-bender.

What?

He's putting his hammer into her holster.

[gasps] Say no more.

I am a vault.

But that is too big of a secret to keep.

What do you mean?

That means I need fifty bucks.

Fifty bucks? - Come on, Dewey.

That's the best rate I can give you for my silence.

Are you serious?

You're blackmailing me?

Taxing gossip.

Hey, I accept e-transfer or cash.

Thanks, bud.

Oh shit.

[Bev]. Everybody knows, Dewey.

People are talking, Dewey.

Not us, though. We're confidential.

But not for free. - What?

We heard you're paying out hush money.

Hush money?

And what is it that you want?

Mani-pedis. Shellac.

None of that cheap clear coat shit.

[Barb]. Uh uh.

And a spray tan. - What?

Like a full caramel glaze.

Caramel glaze?

Ca-ra-mel.

Oh my God.

This shit ain't cheap, Dewey.

We know you're good for it.

Yeah. We might, uh, start feeling chatty.

You know, I look after Snax now too.

I have to feed him and wash him and that's on you.

It costs money.

You know, we got a growing number of employees

interested in being paid

to keep their mouth closed about that gossip.

I know! It's appalling.

I should probably report this to Chelsea.

[Dewey]. No!

No, don't do that.

Unless you'd be willing to donate to my bulking regimen.

Would ya, Dewey?

Would ya?

[rhythmic harmonica music]

[Steph]. Hey boss.

Are you okay?

I gotta lay someone off.

Fuck.

Look at these beautiful bastards.

How am I supposed to pick?

[gentle music]

Who wants well-done fresh off the torch?

[Taser grunting]

[Homer]. Come on. Anyone?

[Taser grunting]

[Tanner]. You're almost there, bud.

[laughs] Normally I'd know.

[Roach inhaling deeply]

Sixty-seven. Sixty-eight. Sixty-nine!

New record! [everyone cheering]

[Tanner]. Way to go, Taser! Woo!

Todd, my man.

Whenever I've gotta be a stone-cold bad bitch,

I call in my alter ego, Stephanie.

Oh yeah? - Yeah.

This is Steph. You've met her.

This, however, is Stephanie.

There's a difference?

Oh there's a difference.

It's in the attitude. Check this out.

Hey Tanner, your locker's been compromised.

Clear it out.

Ah, fuck me! Not again.

Go dead behind the eyes.

No blinking. No throat clears.

Monotone.

Find an attitude that works for you.

Don't be fucking Todd.

Be Toddrick.

Got it. - Say it.

I'm Toddrick. - I'm a stone-cold ba-

I'm a stone-cold bad bitch!

Yeah you are, man.

You got this.

[Taser grunting]

Gotta lay you off.

Hey Todd.

I can see your lips moving,

but all I can hear is Nickelback.

Oh yeah.

Sometimes you gotta remove a good stud to finish the wall.

What?

Your voice sounds fucking weird.

Oh, is this your attempt at a 'boss man voice'?

I gotta lay you off.

That sucks for you, man...

'cause I ain't going nowhere.

Fuck my life!

Yeah, you're gonna have to practice, Toddrick.

You couldn't lay off that.

Oh! She's all right!

[gently] You all right?

[Backwoods]. Yes! That's good.

Oh! Uh, due to recent economic developments,

the price for my silence has increased.

Fucker. You better not have told anyone, Dewey.

I will screw you to the wall

and throw fucking knives at you.

You better not fuck this up for me!

What? Are you kidding?

Told anyone? Absolutely not.

I mean, my... - Oh God. You told...

how many people did you tell?

Hypothetically, if I had told someone...

then I hypothetically would now need some more money

to hypothetically not tell more people?

'Cause you hypothetically have me by the balls right now...

How much more do you need?

Oh this'll do.

Oh, what the fuck, Dewey?

Hey, you remember,

I know where you sleep.

Unfortunately for you, BDubs,

I now know where you've been sleeping.

For fuck sakes, Dewey.

[Homer]. No, Roach!

You can't chug colloidal silver!

Put it down! No, Roach!

Get off me!

[pants] We gotta get it out of him!

It tastes like burnt sparkler, man.

We gotta purge it out of him

before he turns into the Tin Man!

[Homer grunting] [Roach choking]

[Homer]. God! Fucking Heimlich.

What the hell's going on here?

No! You can't chug colloidal silver!

Yeah, okay, but maybe don't body slam the guy, Homer.

He's not gonna be okay.

Why aren't you helping? - I'm eating.

He's gonna be really sick, I'm telling ya.

Hey, stop that! Stop!

I'm sorry.

Homer, I'm laying you off.

Whoa.

Wait. What?

Ah, bummer, man.

Break it up!

Hey, come on!

Thanks for that, Tase.

Look, Maureen kicked me out.

She's worried if I don't talk to someone,

I'm gonna build a bunker.

But I've already got a bunker.

So this would just be, like, what?

Another bunker?

Are you seeing someone about this?

Yeah. I mean, there's a group.

Deprogramming programming.

We meet every Thursday night in the basement of this vape shop

and sometimes it's virtual but-

Okay.

Basically we all sit in a circle and say the real stuff out loud.

Like [clears throat] 'chemtrails might not actually exist'.

They don't.

Or the, the moon landing might have actually happened.

It probably did.

It's been hard, man.

Where have you even staying?

I park my van outside Bob's Hardware.

There's no nighttime security.

Okay.

[Homer]. Sometimes I sleep in my shed

or underneath the, uh, lunchroom tables.

Are you serious?

[Homer]. The hum of the fridge helps me sleep.

Plus, just knowing your food's safe in there, you know?

See, I, I really think you need some time off.

I can't laid off, you corporate bobblehead!

I got Maureen and the kids to support!

I get it and I hate this,

but I also have to do my job.

You assaulted Roach today

and you probably fucking poisoned him.

Like, that is not good.

What kind of a fucking idiot chugs colloidal...?

[Todd]. Homer.

No, you're right.

You're right. Sorry. I'll just leave.

[Todd]. Listen, Homer.

That being said,

my WiFi has been on the fritz.

So call your cable company.

Nah. I think it's a Homer problem.

My garage has a futon.

I mean, Dewey sleeps out there too...

hums in his sleep.

But it might match the same frequency as the fridge.

You troubleshoot my Wi-Fi network,

I'll float you a few bucks

and as soon as we need manpower, you're back on my crew.

[Homer sobbing]

So you got a bunker?

Yeah, but it's mostly just for our winter clothes

and Christmas decorations.

[Homer sobbing loudly]

[Dewey snoring]

[Snax chittering]

[Dewey snoring]

[Homer sighing]

[rhythmic playful music]

?

[rock plunking]

[Backwoods]. Shit!

[car engine revving] [dog barking]

Ow! Oh my God!

Oh! Sorry!

Are you fucking kidding me?

[Backwoods]. Sorry.

Todd is still up.

No he's not.

He's sleeping on the couch.

Look, I made these for you myself.

What are those?

They're handcrafted and beautiful like you.

I made them out of beer tabs and deer teeth.

You can call them... Beerings or Deerings,

whatever you want.

Reggie, you really shouldn't be here.

You don't fucking listen.

I listened.

I just didn't agree.

[metal clinking]

Dewey?

Oh. - Fucking solid.

Are you on our side now?

Hi, Dew worm.

Thanks, blood.

After you, Romeo.

[Backwoods grunts and farts]

Ugh. - [Backwoods] Oh yeah.

What'd you have? Nachos?

Close. Tacos. That'll teach you.

Don't ever blackmail me again.

I've definitely got pink eye in my future.

It's better than two black eyes.

I'm coming in. - It took you long enough.

[Backwoods]. Easy does it. Oh, oh, okay.

[Audrey]. Watch it.

[Backwoods]. Watch the Deerings.

Wonder what Todd's up to.

[upbeat rock music]

? I'm not ready to go! ?

? I'm not ready to go! ?

? I'm not ready to go! ?

? I'm not ready to go! ?

? Are you unhappy, or are you low?

? I should be leaving but I'm not ready to go ?

? I'm not ready to go! ?

I love our banana break time.

Oh, me too.

? I'm not ready to go! ?

? I'm not ready to go! ?

? I'm not ready to go! (I'm not ready to go!) ?

? I'm not ready to go! (I'm not ready to go!) ?

? Even if you think I'm crazy

? Drunk and stoned

? I don't wanna be messed up alone ?

? There's nothing wrong here ?

[loud screaming]

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