Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

If you're talking about music, I think Royal Court is Punk

It feels so alive, it feels un-cynical, it feels like it really is about the work

The last thing you've come to see is the most exciting

You come and see a play here and you know what's going on in the world

You keep an ear out and an eye out for what's going on at the Royal Court,

and that for me is the mark of somewhere that is special, and valuable, and vital

It's got to have its finger on the pulse, and that's why people keep coming

'Sixty years new' is exactly right

I think there was something radical in the original ideas...

...that sat underneath the English Stage Company at the Royal Court Theatre in the Fifties,

in which it was suggested that the function of the theatre...

...should be to committing to making work that was challenging in form and content,

and that it should lead with the playwright as the principal artist

But the real buzz of that building, the real reasoning behind its existence...

...is to put new writing at the forefront of British theatrical culture, and it's done that for decades

And if we don't have new writers expressing what it is to be alive now, in our current vocabulary,

then we are a much poorer society

It's about pushing boundaries and it's about challenging people's perceptions and ideas,

and just theatre in general

We, as actors, live through being challenged by new writers. We don't improve...

...unless we have new writers to give us roles to play and interesting subject matter to respond to

This is a small theatre but it's got a huge, huge reputation

You can be big, you can be epic, and you can be very small and intimate, and it holds both

It has been the launch pad for some pretty important writers and some important works

It tells stories and puts people on stage that - you could say -

before were fighting to get their voices heard

It doesn't sit and wait for great writing to come: it, I think, has invested amazing resources...

...in going out and finding people who might be writers, could be writers

It always has been the engine-room of new writing

Simon Stephenson, Mike Bartlett and Christopher Shinn...

Beckett, Ionesco, Crimp, Debbie Tucker Green, Polly Stenham...

'The Sugar Syndrome' by Lucy Prebble

'Blue Heart'

'Love, Love, Love'

The Athol Fugard season in 1974

Caryl Churchill's 'A Number'

'Top Girls'... just extraordinary

They all affect you in so many different ways

Shakespeare was once a new writer, let's not forget that

Oh, you punctual bastards!

It'll all go easier for ya, lad, if you just accept it and don't make a fuss

Of course I'm going to make a fuss! I'm an innocent man! 'A fuss!'

Get the strap on, Syd. Guards! - What's the strap for? Who are them at the door?

It's the Governor and the doctor, James - Gawking at doors!

This is my cell, get out! - Just go easy, lad

No I won't go easy! You go easy!

You're hanging an innocent man

I never even met the girl! I've never even been to Norfolk!

That's just the whys and wherefores. That's nowt to do with me

Of course it's to do with you, you Northern bastard

We'll have none of that 'Northern' palaver neither

What's he saying? He can't even talk normal and he's hanging an innocent man

They could've at least sent Pierrepoint

I'm just as good as bloody Pierrepoint

Hung by a rubbish hangman, oh that's so me! - He is just as good as Pierrepoint, Mr Hennessy

Well, he's shit so far - That's your bloody fault! Get his bloody arms

It's only 'cos I'm scared, isn't it? I'm not normally like this

And I've told ya, if you'd just relax, it'd be all the easier for ya

It won't be easier for me. I'll be dead - Everybody says you're a good lad

I am a good lad - We know you're a good lad

What are you fucking hanging me for then?

It's the courts that's hanging ya, not us

Well I'm holding you and you personally responsible

Not you two, you were nice. You two

I will come back to whatever Northern shithole you live in and I will fucking haunt you

That's not a nice thing to say, is it?

Syd! You're just standing around having a chat like a bloody mouse

He's allowed to stand around having a chat like a bloody mouse if he wants to

No, but he's right, Mr Hennessy. If you'd've just tried to relax you could've been dead by now

Is he having a laugh? Is the mouse having a laugh? I'm getting hung by nincompoops

'Hanged'... You're getting 'hanged' by nincompoops

I've heard it all now! Correcting me English at a time like this!

Let go of that bedstead now

I let go of this bedstead, I'm a dead man, so no, I won't let go of this bedstead, actually

He's right, of course

Oh, I say... - Shut it! Shut your bloody mouths. Stand him up

Having a nice chat, were we? - I wasn't, Harry

'You're getting hanged by bloody nincompoops'

Don't do it tight, I've got a bad wrist

You didn't have a bad wrist when you were clinging to that bedstead

I did! - Do it tight. And get ahold of him. Follow me

No no no no no, it's not fair

I never even met the girl, Mr Wade

I've never had a problem with the ladies. Ask anybody. Why would I do a nasty thing like that?

That's nowt to do with me, is it?

But I've never even been to Norfolk. Or anywhere in East Anglia

What's that, a hood?

I don't want the hood. Can I not have the hood?

I promise I'll go quietly if I don't have to have the hood

Where's doctor? - Here, Sir

Well, go down and bloody check on him, lad - Right

Have somebody do their bloody job properly today

Where'd they get you two? Window at fucking Debenhams?

And as for you...

What were I supposed to do, Harry? He were clinging on to that b-b-bedstead...

'Bedstead'. Here comes the stutter - ...bedstead for dear life

Finished, have ya? 'Bedstead'?

And we'll have none of this going down in t' bloody report, neither

No. Of course

He went to his death protesting his innocence. End of story

Saves his blushes, saves these lads' blushes, saves 'Bedstead''s blushes

Are we right? - We're right, yes

We're right. Good

'Albert bloody Pierrepoint'

Yes, he's dead. Quite dead - 'Course he's quite dead. What else would he be?

Now where's our bloody breakfast? I, for one, am fucking starved

But you must have a comment, Harry - Must he?

I do have a comment, lad. 'No comment'

That were a good one, Harry. 'No comment' - What were it?

Newspaper lad says 'But you must have a comment, Harry'. Harry says 'I do have a comment. No comment'

That were a good 'un! He just said same thing first lad said

Oh Harry, I've driven all the way up from Manchester

You'll be driving all the way down to Manchester an' all. Commentless!

What did he say? - He said 'Piss off back to Manchester'...

I didn't say 'Piss off', Charlie - ...'Commentless!'

What-less? - 'Commentless'

That were good!

Do you want us to arrest him, Harry lad? Or just give him a bloody hiding?

Arrest me for what, Inspector?

For being underage in a public bar, for a start off. How old are ya, twelve?

Five, more like

Inspector says, 'How old are ya, twelve?' Harry says 'Five, more like'

Younger! I get it

Come on, Harry, it's not every day they abolish hanging, is it? You must have summat to say

It's not, lad, you're right. And I know that's why half o' you bastards are in here today

Language, Harry!

And I do have my opinions on this abolition business. How could I not, like?

Same as I've had a variety of opinions over the years, on a variety of subjects

He's had a variety of opinions on subjects over the years, I've heard 'em

But one thing... You haven't heard 'em, Bill, that's what I'm saying

'Cos one thing I've always prided myself on, for right or for wrong,

I'm not saying I'm a special man, but one thing I've always prided myself on...

...is that, on the subject of hanging, I've always chosen to keep my own counsel

I've always chosen not to say a public word on this very private matter

And why have I chosen to do that, you may ask? - Why?

For the past twenty-five year now I have been a servant of the Crown in the capacity of hangman

'A what of the Crown?' did you say? 'A spokesman for the Crown'?

No. A servant of the Crown - A servant of the crown

And when was the last time you heard a servant making speeches?

Never - Russia

'Russia'? You'd be shot if you made a speech in Russia, what are ya talking about, Bill?

No, I were thinking in the olden days - Well it were even worse in the olden days

Stop talking daft, Bill. Bill's talking daft again

A servant of the Crown. I let the other people make the speeches:

the politicians, the ministers, the... devil's advocates

Sometimes the Police Inspectors when they've sobered up enough

Oops, sorry, Inspector Fry, I didn't see ya there

Apology accepted, hic!

'Sobered up', he were saying, and then the police inspector says 'Hic'

Aye. I don't get it, but I don't know the man

You do know the man

Me? I keep my own counsel. The day will come when fellas finally see some sense and ask me my opinion

But until that bright day comes, I shall keep my own counsel, as I see fit,

and leave the jibber-jabber to the riff-raff, the riff-raff being you sorry lot

Now who wants a bloody pint?

But that day has come, Harry. We have seen sense. I am asking your opinion

Aye, and I've already told you, lad - He already told ya, lad

And there's no table-service! - Ease up, love. Lad's only just took his coat off

Well, I know the type, don't I? Sitting down!

Pint, is it, love? - Pint, yes, and a small bag of peanuts

We've only the one size. I'll get you them

London, are ya? - Round that way

Well you either are or ya aren't - Exactly

I've got a quote for ya, lad - Yeah, what's that then?

'Hanging's too good for 'em'. 'Cos it is, in't it? - Oh right, aye. Thanks

The country thinks that, the people think that. It's only the politicians disagree,

which is the crossroads at which we find ourselves today. In a right jam. In't that right, Harry?

In't what right? - Hanging's too good for 'em

Didn't I just do a big bloody speech about keeping me own counsel?

I wouldn't be keeping me own bloody counsel if I made a comment on that, would I?

Ya daft pillock! Why do I even try? - It's true, Harry! You shouldn't even try

No, I were just saying. I were just agreeing, like. Hanging's too good for 'em, in't it?

Have yourself another pint, Bill. And try to keep up

I'll have another pint, Alice

Religion and politics, in't it? They say you should never... something something something

There's your pint and your peanuts, love. That's a shilling

That's very good value

So what were up with her then, George? Phyllis Keane, you were saying earlier

What were up with her? - That you'd have to do summat that drastic

I tell you what were up with her. Every car number plate that passed, she'd have to read out, out loud

Every car, mind. That's a lot of cars in Burnley

Every broken paving stone she passed, she'd have to... either step on it or not step on it,

I can't remember which, but again, Burnley, you'd be hopping all day

And what were t'other one?

That's a famous one though, in't it, paving stones? I wouldn't go by that

Oh give over, Alice - What?

You're always defending daft 'uns - I'm not

Bodies of water! She'd have to walk clockwise around bodies of water. Lakes or bridges, like. Clockwise

Burnley, you'd be all right - No, anti-clockwise. She had to keep them on her left

Yeah, but we all have things like that, don't we, George? Quirks

It's no call to put a poor girl in a mental home

I don't have things like that - I don't have things like that

I don't have 'quirks'! I don't have to read out every car number plate that passes

I don't do that, you don't do that

Sometimes I'll read one out in me head, if they're a funny one

Well how is reading something out in your head, reading something out out loud?

No, he's right there

On top of the bloody paving stones! On top of the bloody clockwise!

Anti-clockwise - Anti-clockwise

It's no call to put a girl in a home, is all I'm saying. At fifteen, like

Who the hell are we talking about, any road? - Phyllis Keane

Who? - She's a school-friend of our Shirley's

Oh. Does our Shirley know? - No, she were only sent down this after

Let's not tell her till bedtime, Alice. It's any excuse to mope with our Shirley

Teens, in't it? It's the music, for me

In't the music. It's the sitting around on your fat arse all day...

...mooning - Reading

What? - 'Sitting on your fat arse all day, reading'

Not 'Reading'. Mooning. You stay out of it, any road

Could I have another pint, please? I'll come over once it's poured

Don't mind him, love. He just don't know the ropes yet, does he?

There's ropes and there's ropes, though, in't there?

Well, that were my afternoon, any road. Driving nutters about

Then I thought I'd pop o'er here to your nutters,

and make sure you didn't get any shite from newspaper reporters or underage drinkers

Oh, sorry, Clegg, are you still here, lad?

Thanks. I'm only halfway through the nuts so I won't get any more of them

All right, love - I'm slow with nuts

Another two here, Harry, please

What was that? - You heard

Oh, speak of the devil!

The devil? Me? How, dad? - Howdo, Shirley

Howdo, Inspector Fry. Lads - Shirley

Well, are you helping pull pints or are you just going to stand there like a cloud?

Oh, aye

Stand there like a what? - Like a clown

Oh. I thought you said 'cloud'

I think I'll go now then, Mr Wade

All right, lad. I suppose your mam'll be wondering where you are

His mam! - He said his mam and he's not even that young

He's probably got his own place to stay, like a flat

No. The paper said I were to speak to Albert Pierrepoint too, see if he's got...

...owt to say about this abolition business

Him being, y'know... the Number One hangman all them years...

...and that

Oh aye? - Aye. Over at his pub. What's it called again?

'Help The Poor Struggler'. It's a very good pub, actually

Pierrepoint's pub's Failsworth. You'd've passed Pierrepoint's pub on't way

Why didn't you pop in on road o'er?

Why? - Aye, why?

Well... it's obvious, isn't it? - If it were obvious, I wouldn't be asking, would I?

He does have a point. Why didn't you just ask at Pierrepoint's pub 'on't road o'er'?

Well...

I wanted a quote from the hangman, didn't I?

The hangman that was still called upon at hanging's dying days. The one whose opinion matters

Not from some bloody has-been who quit his post ten years since...

Y'know?

Was this your pint, lad?

I was just going, Harry - No, it were mine

Stay for your pint, lad, it's poured now - It's on the house

It in't on the house, but it's poured now so you're having it

Right. Now, I don't mind talking to ya, but we'll be doing it upstairs,

away from the prying ears of these bloody jackdaws - Oh, Harry!

And I'll be talking to ya off the record because, as I believe I said to ya before,

I like to keep my own counsel. Now step this way

But there's no point talking, Harry, if it's going to be off the record

Don't push your... - Pierrepoint wasn't going to be off the record

Don't push your fucking luck, all right? Don't push your luck

And what are you smirking at?

There's a photo in the paper of a funny-looking black chap

Upstairs if you want to chat

But it's a pigsty upstairs, Harry - Well, whose bloody fault is that?

Is Harry gone? - Looks like it, don't it?

How long is he going to be gone for?

Well I don't know, do I? This is a circus, not a... This is a pub, not a three-ring bloody circus

Will he be a while?

Where are you going, Mam? - Fag

I can't serve on me own

Yeah, ya can. It'll do you good. Take you out of yourself

I were going to have another pint, but if the hangman's gone off I might go

I don't even like the pints here, but they've a hangman - This is the hangman's daughter, Arthur. Shirley

I know. I know that from before. Where's this t'other hangman's pub?

Failsworth - Failsworth? Failsworth's miles

Well I don't know whether to wait for the hangman to come back or to go. I only came for t'hangman

Have another pint, Arthur. Jesus! - I will

I'll have the same again, please, Miss

Oh. Which one were it? I weren't here

I dunno. Doesn't really matter, does it, they're all the same, really, aren't they?

They're not - They're all the same up North, aren't they?

I don't drink, so I don't know - Good for you. Shirley, is it?

Why don't you do a lucky dip, Shirley, and I'll have that one?

Really? Shall I? Like a lucky dip? All right

You - are - not - 'it'

Could take quite some time

Have I met you before, I'm thinking? - Me? How am I supposed to know? I do get about

You - are - not - 'it'

You - are - not - 'it'... It's Guinness - Oh, actually, I don't like Guinness

I meant any of the other ones. I thought you understood. I'll just have a pint of mild

It's quite specific, isn't it, Guinness

Yes, it's quite Irish, in't it

It is, isn't it. I'd say nothing gets past you

You look more of a Babycham man, from where I'm standing

I look more of a what man?

A Babycham man. A man drinks Babycham - Leave off, Inspector

I don't know what that is, a Babycham man

It's like a fizzy wine what's got a reindeer on it

Or a normal deer, I can't remember

I wouldn't know anything about it. I'm not from around these parts, you see

Babycham's not from around these parts, is it? It's a Southern drink

Is it? - It is, aye

You seem to know a lot about it - I don't. You do

We've established I don't

You going to have any more peanuts with your mild, or have you had enough peanuts?

I've still got a couple left from before

Have ya? - Yeah. I saved a couple for emergencies

For peanut emergencies?

Yeah. In case I get trapped in a lift with a gorilla

Or a policeman - All right

Does that happen to you often? - Only when I'm in Wales

You want to stop going to Wales then

I know, but I keep getting drawn back. It's the gorillas, isn't it?

You wanna watch yourself, lad. We're not all friendly up North

I am! - she is

She's not everyone, is she? - She could be if she tried harder

That doesn't make any sense - Oh really. And how's your friend Phyllis?

Phyllis? Do you know Phyllis?

Phyllis? No. Phyllis Keane? No

You do. You know her name - All right, lad. Very good

Did you like that? Did you like how I made that turn, Officer?

We'll leave it at that then, shall we? - No more of this Babycham business then

I know only too well what Babycham is. I know all of its connotations. All right?

Shirley, do you know of anyone renting rooms out around here?

Our mam used to rent rooms out, but then she stopped - Why, what happened?

Nothing happened, I don't think. She just stopped. Maybe people were getting too nosey

Aye. That were it - Nosey about what?

Well, me dad - What about your dad?

Well, he... nowt

Is he famous? - Not famous, no

He is - He's a famous hangman

Well, I'll be all right then, 'cos luckily I don't care about that sort of thing

I've never had that kind of prurience

I'll go have a chat with your mum, shall I? She's outside having a fag, isn't she?

Aye, she's having a fag outside - Yeah, I just said that

But... do you know Phyllis? - 'Do I know Phyllis?'

Well, does he?

Who were the chatty fella, Shirley? The new Babycham man?

No, just some fella, I think

It is a reindeer, in't it. He's right cute

I couldn't work out if he did know Phyllis or if he didn't know Phyllis

Phyllis were taken away today, Shirley. To a home. Happen he may've just overheard summat

Phyllis was? - Aye

Why? - I don't know, love

You do know

What kind of a home? - I don't know

You said a mental home earlier - I didn't say that. Her mam said that

Our mam knows? Why didn't she tell us?

Because your dad said you'd just go moping if they told ya

Christ...

Me dad said? - Aye

Aye what? I missed all this

Shirley's dad said Shirley was moody

And she'd just go around moping about this Phyllis Keane being put in a mental home,

was why no-one said owt to her about it

Oh. Girl talk

It's Phyllis Keane's dad who wants putting in mental home. Not Phyllis

Here's news, love! We might be taking in a lodger if his references pan out...

...and your dad don't start mithering about house guests again

Oh aye, that's nice

What have you gone all mopey for? You were fine five minute since

I haven't gone all mopey

If that's a man who keeps his own counsel I'd love to meet a fella as never stops yakking

Got your quote, did ya?

Got me front page, mate. I'll be seeing ya

See ya, young lad... Who were that?

Newspaper lad - Everybody's new

You were in with him a while, Harry - We almost went home

I just needed to set the lad straight on a few matters, didn't I?

He's right about one thing, though. It is a momentous day

Well, I just hope you didn't lose the run of yourself, that's all

Oh just shut your bloody cakehole, woman, and charge these men's glasses, for Christ's sake

It's a momentous bloody day, in't it? 'Lose the run of meself...

And what have you gone all mopey for? You were fine five minute since

Oh, bloody teens!

Gentlemen? A toast... The End of Hanging

Well, I'm not toasting that

You bloody will, Bill, if you want to keep supping in this bar

The End of Hanging!

I won't know what to do with meself

So your friend Bill said 'Hanging's too good for them', Harry

Bill's a customer, not a friend, and he's a daft customer at that

Hanging's not too good for them, hanging's just right for them

There are some fellas out there who are bad 'uns,

and if the courts say they've got to go, they've got to go

But if they've got to go, they've got to go by the quickest, the most dignified,

and the least painful way of going as possible

That, in my book, in most normal people's books, is hanging

But how do you know, Harry? You haven't seen any of the other methods of execution,

the electric chair, or the firing squad...

Of course I bloody haven't, I'm from Lancashire not Arkansas

'Electric bloody chair'... I'm told when that goes wrong they come out sizzling like a bloody steak. No thank you

I'll have my executions without the need for fried onions if it's all the same to you. Yank claptrap!

Guillotine's quick, I'd wager

Guillotine's quick but guillotine's messy and French

Who'd go for that in Durham? No one

And who's going to clean up the mess after? Heads bouncing round

I'm not going to clean it up after. Warders? They've enough on their plates, poor sods

So how many men have you hanged, Harry? Give me a rough estimate

I pride myself on never having deigned that question with an answer, Derek,

and I shall stick to that deigning

More than a hundred? - Loads more

More than a thousand? - Don't be daft, this in't China

More than Pierrepoint?

See, now you're trying to come the smartarse again, aren't ya, like before

Everybody knows Albert Pierrepoint did shitloads,

but Pierrepoint did a shitload of Germans both during and after the war,

so there should be a little bit of an asterisk against some of his numbers at the very least

Albert were doing fifteen to twenty of those bastards a day, after the trials got going proper,

and I'd've been happy to lend a hand, I would, but Pierrepoint had that entire scene sown up, didn't he?

He wouldn't let us get a look in edgeways, and I'd've been happy to hang some Germans

I'd've been chuffed. I never liked them before the war, let alone during. The accent alone...

Why weren't you asked, Harry?

I were asked the first time around, around Nuremburg,

but I were still a part-time bookie then and it coincided with Grand National Week so, y'know?

I probably should've gone

I fobbed them off, said the wife was poorly, and she probably was, she always is,

but they never called me back again after that,

'cos they're like that, they say nowt, but they hold things agin ya

I regret not going, I'd've liked to see a bit of Germany

All I'm saying though is, all them Nazis Pierrepoint did, all them bastards as ran the camps and whatnot,

I hold my hand up to him, I do. Good riddance to the lot of them, the swine

All I'm saying is, they shouldn't be allowed to go on his final score

'Cos hanging Germans en masse, well, it in't a hard job, is it?

They do what they're told, don't they, they follow orders

'Stand o'er there, under that noose.' 'All right, Sergeant Pierrepoint, owt else I can do for ya?'

'Nay lad, you're right.' Thunk!

So if you subtracted Albert's Nazis from his normals, I'm not saying I'd win,

but we'd definitely be running neck and neck. If you'll pardon the expression

It would be great for the paper if you gave me a number, Harry. How many have you done all in all?

I won't, lad. I've no comment

The low two hundreds?

Higher

The low three hundreds?

You were close enough first time, the mid two hundreds, but I'll leave it at that, the mid two hundreds

Two hundred and thirty-three. Sans a single German

Nice. Although they say Pierrepoint's runs into the six hundreds

Who says? Pierrepoint's wife? Bollocks

And his hair smelled - And whose hair smelled?

Pierrepoint's hair smelled. They don't mention that in the papers, do they?

What did it smell of?

When I were in a mood I'd say it smelled of Death,

but it were probably just stale Brylcreem - 'Stale Brylcreem'

And, one final thing, Harry. The miscarriages of justice that've occurred over the last ten years...

Oh, here we go, you had to spoil it

The ones that have swayed public opinion against hanging...

Says you

Were most of those carried out by you or by Pierrepoint?

Oh... Pierrepoint. Definitely. I think

Derek Bentley? - The retard? Pierrepoint

Timothy Evans?

The Christie lad? That was Pierrepoint, although I assisted, so technically that's 2-1

Ruth Ellis?

Pierrepoint. 3-1 . Pierrepoint never seemed to mind hanging women. I did

I mean, you'd do it, it were the job, but it'd leave a nasty taste in your mouth weeks after

James Hennessy?

Hennessy weren't a miscarriage of justice. I read up about Hennessy after

He were your classic woman-hating psychopath and I don't usually like commenting on the people I've hanged...

...but in his case sod him, bad rubbish, good riddance

He died protesting his innocence, they say

He were just scared, lad. They're all just scared. Some show it, some don't

Mostly what I remember about Hennessy, he were very anti-Northern, and I don't like that. It's prejudice

There was another woman attacked in Norfolk last year, out Lowestoft way,

the police are saying bore a lot of the hallmarks of the Hennessy killing

There'll always be women attacked, lad. It's just the nature of men, in't it?

In Lowestoft especially, there's nowt else to do

You soon get bored of miniature golf

So are you saying, then, that the death penalty never worked as a deterrent, Harry?

Aha! Good one, ya little bastard

I'll tell ya this, any road,

Hennessy never killed anybody after I got ahold of him. You can be sure of that

Maybe he never killed anybody before you got ahold of him?

And maybe we'll never know. Boo hoo. Another pint, lad?

Oh, Harry...

I wasn't poorly around Nuremburg. I'm never poorly. You just wanted a pissup at Aintree with your mates

They're our friends now, the Germans

'Lowestoft'... You don't know the first thing about Lowestoft. You don't know the first thing about nowt

And there weren't nowt wrong with Albert Pierrepoint's hair. He had nice hair. Unlike yours

He's lost the run of himself. I knew he would

Morning, our Shirley

I says 'Morning, our Shirley' - Morning. Do mental homes have visiting hours?

You can get mental-home-visiting out of your head for a start-off

I thought we heard the end of this Phyllis Keane palaver last night

I wouldn't let you go to Burnley on your own, let alone to a Burnley mental home

She'll be all on her own with nutters - Oh aye. Sounds like me at opening time

Your dad's lost run of himself in paper. I knew he would

Won't hurt business, though, the likes of folks round here

Probably help business. They'd pay to watch a car-crash if you could slow one down. They're just morbid

'Two hundred and thirty-three'...

I'd stop you reading it if I didn't think you'd get ahold of it one way or t'other

I don't want to read it, do I? I don't care - You'd care if it were Elvis Presley

Wouldn't be Elvis Presley though, would it? Elvis Presley don't hang folk

Elvis Presley don't say people are moody and mopey behind their back neither

Oh, we're not still on this, are we?

He didn't say it behind your back, did he? You were standing right there... in a mood

I weren't in a mood. I'm never in a mood. You're always saying I'm in a mood. I'm just shy

Well, how is 'shy' going to help you in life?

Well, it's not, is it, but I can't help it, can I? - But shy... It's just the same as mopey, shy

It's not the same as mopey. I smile. Mopey don't smile

It's just the same as boring, shy

It isn't. I'm not boring. It just depends who's on the outside, looking in

Well, the people who are on the outside looking in around here...

Think I'm boring - No. Think you're a mope

Well, maybe I think they're boring too - Well... maybe you'd be right

Maybe I think you and Dad are boring an' all

Don't be stupid. We're not boring. I run a pub and he's chief hangman

That in't boring, that's interesting. Meals on wheels for the depressed, that's boring

He were chief hangman yesterday. He in't nowt today

He'll be chief hangman for a long while yet, you mark my words. In his own mind if nowhere else

Listen, love, I know you've started taking an interest in fellas...

I haven't! Where's this come from?

All those music magazines you go moping over - gawking over...

I don't mope, Mam!

Boys aren't interested in mopey girls, or shy girls. Or, if they are,

they're interested in mopey girls who are drop-dead gorgeous, so they can put the mopey to one side

But I'm pretty on the inside, Mam

But you're not though, love

You're moody on the inside and mopey on the outside. No boy wants that combo. So think on

Think on, what? A frontal lobotomy?

That wouldn’t work with you. You’re too pig-headed.

No, maybe there's some after-school courses you could take on, might take you out of yourself

Archery or badminton. Summat as would get you moving

I think you're pretty on the inside, love, you're my little girl, aren't ya?

I think you're pretty on the outside too. It's just others

Oh, who the bloody hell's that when we're having a heart-to-heart?

And me in me blooming dressing gown. You get it, Shirley

I'm not getting it. I'm shy. I don't get doors

You get doors when it suits

It's in the shy charter. No door-getting. I'll mope over here

Oh, hello, Mr Mooney. What are you doing here at this hour?

Well I've come with my references and for that chat you wanted

But it's nine in the morning, love - I know. Shows I'm keen, don't it?

Hello there again from yesterday - Hello there again

I thought we'd said the afternoon

No, no. The afternoon wasn't mentioned. No, no. That's why I'm here now

Oh. I'd best go put something on then. Can't be chatting in me dressing gown, can I?

Well, that's up to you, isn't it? - Well... I can't

Shirley, will you get Mr Mooney a cup of tea if he wants one while I pop upstairs

These are your references, are they?

Yes. They're all typed up perfect, look. Margins. You've got to, these days

Right, I'll bring them with me, have a peruse

You'll bring them with you, will you? You'll bring them with you upstairs, will you?

Yes, if that's all right?

That's all right

This is the table I was sitting at yesterday

Yes. That's like your regular table now, in't it? - It was...

I've changed it. I like to shake things up

Keeps people on their toes, y'know? - Aye

Milk and sugar, Mr Mooney? - Peter

Milk and sugar, Peter? - No, I don't drink tea

No, your mum said I did, but I don't. You can have it if you want. I don't want it

Well... I shall!

And two sugars. Even though I shouldn't

You're quite a shy girl, aren't you?

What? - Yes. I noticed that yesterday

Well... I'm not as shy as some - I can't hear you

I said I'm not as shy as some - Oh no? Like who?

Like who aren't you as shy as?

Well, I don't know. All sorts

Footballers?

Well, I'm shyer than footballers

Nuns? - Nuns?

I'd say some nuns are shyer than me. It depends on the nun, don't it?

Yes. The new nuns, just starting out, who don't know the ropes...

Yes, I'd say I'm not as shy as them nuns. Not half as shy

Paraplegics?

I suppose it depends on if they were shy before they had their accident, doesn't it?

Yes, good point. Or if they were born that way and there was no accident

Some paraplegics can be right grumpy pigs

But then you would be

I don't know what I'd do if I was a paraplegic

Nothing, probably

I'd say, if it were a mute paraplegic, I reckon I'd be less shy than him

Or her, if he were a girl mute paraplegic

You're quite funny - Am I? I'm not

You are. I noticed that yesterday - Did ya?

I suppose certain people round here, it just goes over their heads, your sense of humour

I don't know about that. But maybe

Oh there's no maybe about it. It's just hard to come across as funny, isn't it,

when you're surrounded by stupid thicks. I've always found, anyway

That said, although I appreciate a good sense of humour, I don't actually come across as funny myself

I think you... - Shush

Even when I try to be funny, I come across more as menacing

Which is ridiculous, because I'm nice

But no, as hard as I try, menacing. And then the label sticks, doesn't it?

I think you come across as funny

Do you? Not menacing? Not even with that 'shush' I just gave you?

No. I think you come across as funny, but different

Funny but different... like Groucho Marx

I don't know. I don't really know the old ones

He was a Jew, but you couldn't really tell

Was he the one with the moustache? - Yes

Right. I know who you mean

How old are you anyway? - Fifteen

A lovely age

It ain't - Ain't it?

Everybody just keeps having a go at ya, and you're not allowed to do nowt

Well, don't let them have a go at you then

I know, but it's hard, in't it, when they're all bigger

I hope my mam lets you have the room. That's all I can say. You'd liven the place up

Bloody nose is full of bloody... mucus now, from that crying

Well, yeah, I don't need to know that

But d'you know what I couldn't fathom out from yesterday?

No, what couldn't you fathom out from yesterday?

Do you know Phyllis Keane or don't ya? - Phyllis Keane? No, I don't, actually, no

I thought not, cos I was sure she'd've mentioned ya

No. I just thought they all seemed to be ganging up on you, so I didn't want you to feel so all alone

They were all ganging up on me. The bastards

Poor Phyllis

I know. I'm sitting here crying even though there's nothing really wrong,

and she's sitting in a mental home for reading car number plates out loud. It in't fair, is it?

Why don't you go visit her? Cheer yourselves up

I were thinking that, but I don't know how it works with the visiting hours and it's miles

I'll drive ya

Will ya? Would ya? - If you want. I don't care, do I?

But what if they're closed?

If they're closed they're closed. We can't do anything about it if they're closed

Well, we could pop to the seaside then try again later, I suppose. It depends on if it's sunny, doesn't it?

I don't know - Suit yourself

What kind of car have ya? - A Morris Minor. It's a banger, but it'll get you there

I gave it a turtle wax last week. I didn't have to, I just felt like it. Where's her mental home, Burnley?

Burnley, aye, it's not too far. It's far on a bus, but not far in a car

Where's the nearest seaside to Burnley? - I don't know. Formby?

Do you have a swimsuit?

Maybe - What colour is it?

Yellow. With dots - Yes... that would go well with your hair-cclouring

Would it? - Yes

Does the sand go in your swimsuit, when you're sitting on the sand...

...down at Formby, or Walton-On-The-Naze, or wherever?

The sand? - Yes

I usually get a deckchair - Do you? A deckchair?

Aye. They're only cheap - I see

But the times when you don't get a deckchair, and you're sitting on the sand,

does the sand go in your swimsuit then? In those places I was getting at before

Well, I've never been to Walton-On-The-Naze. Or anywhere in Norfolk. Is it Norfolk?

Maybe - Aye. I've never been

How comes? Too Fancy O'Reilly?

Well, no, you go wherever your mam and dad take you, don't you, when you're fifteen

I don't. I choose not to

But you're not fifteen, Peter

Aren't I? No, of course I'm not, am I? I was just trying to confuse you

I've been to Walton-On-The-Naze. I've been there many times

I don't even know what a Naze is, but I've been to Walton on it

I think it's like a curved headland. Although I'm not sure

Well I don't even know what a headland is. I suppose that makes me dense

No. If you didn't know what a curve was, that'd make you dense

There's that sense of humour I pointed out before

A curve, it's just a thing that goes like this, isn't it

Your mum takes a lot of time to put her clothes on, doesn't she?

Aye. - Oh, does she?

What? - Take a lot of time to put her clothes on.

I don't know. I suppose

Well, if you still want to see Phyllis, and the seaside or whatever,

why don't you meet me under the clock at the train station at eleven,

after I'm finished chatting with your mum?

I don't know, Mr Mooney. I don't know

Phyllis'll be missing you by now. All those mad people, screaming their heads off

I just don't know. I'm shy about these types of things. I've never been out with a boy before

Well it's not going out, is it, I was just going to take you to a mental home. It's hardly tea at the Ritz

Although I think I put you off a bit, didn't I, with my talk about the sand and your swimsuit,

I can see that now, I can see how that might've sounded strange

I'm just interested in sand

That's where I'll be, anyway. The clock at the train station

All right. I'll have a think about it - I just get flustered sometimes because I'm shy

Are ya?

What time at the train station, did you say again? - Eleven

'Shy'... Fuck me

I took ages, didn't I?

Oh, is Shirley not with you?

She was with me, but then she left - Of course she did

Well, I can see you didn't pinch anything from behind the bar, so that's a good sign for a start off

Now, I couldn't get through on any of the phone numbers you gave me, that's why I took so long

They just rang and rang, but I shall try them again later

You rang them already, did you? - I did, but as I say, they just rang and rang

That was very speedy of you - Like as not they hadn't got into the office as yet

That was very thorough. That was very sneaky, phoning up my references behind my back...

...while I'm standing down here waiting like a lemon

But I'm allowed to phone your references, Mr Mooney. That's what they're for, references

Yes, I understand that. But the timing was very sneaky, wasn't it?

Well... I have to say, I'm a bit perplexed - Perplexed, are you?

Well, be perplexed - Well, I am

Yeah, no, I don't want the room now. No, I don't even want to look at it. Even if you apologized

Phoning my references? Your husband's killed two hundred fucking people! Where's his fucking references?

What the bloody hell was that?

I don't know. I'm shaken, Harry. I'm quite shaken

It was the lodger fella. He were standing there normal, then he just flipped

Lodgers? They're just animals, Alice, I've told you that before. Oh, is that the paper?

Why shouldn't I've phoned his references? It's what you do with references, in't it? Phone 'em

Maybe they do it different down South, but I can't see how

I only wanted to find out if he were as lovely as he seemed

I'm not sure if I'd've wanted him around our Shirley now, a fella who could turn that quick

I'm perplexed, honestly I am

Hardly matters what the interview says when the photograph's that good, does it?

But I like the way it's reading so far. Albert bloody Pierrepoint. Take that, ya bastard!

All I'm saying is, from a non-biased point of view,

that is the greatest interview I've seen printed in that newspaper in my entire life

In any newspaper - In any newspaper

I'm too close to it, aren't I, so I can't say

I'm just at start of it 'cos I left me glasses at home, so don't spoil it by saying owt

There's nothing to spoil, Arthur. It's an interview, lad

That said, it does get better as it goes on, so you don't want to spoil it in that sense, y'know?

My favourite bit was bit about the Germans - Mine too

'Cos they are swine. Always were

My other favourite bit was you saying your Alice was sick so's you could go t' Grand National

My favourite bit were bit about hanging's too good for 'em, because it is

Yeah, I never said that, Bill. I said you said that, and I said it were stupid

And my other favourite bit were...

D'you know, I never realized Albert Pierrepoint were such a cock

Cock's too harsh, Bill. Cock's too harsh

Arrogant. Tight-fisted. Curmudgeonly. Mean. But cock's too harsh

What were your favourite bit, Inspector? - He liked photo! 'Cos he's queer

Are you starting again, Bill? Do you want to be shown outside?

Then calm bloody down, and ease up on your drinking. It's only two in the bloody afternoon

Sorry, Harry

Inspector. The floor is yours - What floor?

What was your favourite bit? 'What floor?'

Oh. Aye. No... as I say, you made your case well about, y'know, hanging being the most dignified of the...

Well, it is - It's pure dignified

There speaks... In vino verantas, from the lads

Other ones, you come out like fried steak - You do, though

I'm just on't fried steak bit now. It's good. Onions!

But, overall, I just think you went a bit far, that's all

I mean, nobody needs to know numbers, do they?

Or what was said int' death cell, or who were scared or who weren't scared

Some things ought remain, I don't know, sacrosanct or summat

Well... I agree, don't I?

It says in black and white I refused to deign to give him a number, doesn't it, at start?

It does, at start, aye. Later it says two hundred and thirty-three

He wormed it out of you, didn't he, Harry? - He wormed it out of me, that's right

The bastard!

I know. That's what lad's like... That's why I said you shouldn't've talked to him int' first place

By, you're in a funny mood today, George. Just because you're not int' paper, were it?

No. I don't like being int' paper

You do - I don't. It interferes with me job

Oh aye, and what time are you due into the office today, Inspector?

His job, eh!

What were it?

Harry says to Inspector 'What time are ya due int' office?'

Inspector looks at his watch, he looks at his pint, he says...

Aye. He drinks too much

No. No, not 'he drinks too much', Arthur

More he's in here when he should be at work, like, that's all

Oh, I see

Is there still no sign?

No sign of what? - No sign of our Shirley

I'd've said if there'd been a bloody sign, wouldn't I? I'd've shouted up 'Mope's back!'

But she's never missed her dinnertime without telling us, and I've done us a blancmange for after

Oh, she's probably just gone off moping somewheres. Found somewheres new to mope

Aye, she was a bit mopey this morning, wasn't she? Hello, lads

Howdo!

Here, that's your Syd, in't it? Hello Syd - Hello Alice! Hello Harry!

He in't mySyd - We haven't seen you in a coon's age, Syd

No, well, I'm mostly Halifax, aren't I?

Hello Inspector, lads - Hello, lad

Where do I know Syd from? I'm terrible with faces. Bad trait in a policeman

No, people often forget my face and that. I used to be an assistant of Harry's, back in the day

His main assistant, really - No, you were right the first time

Pull up a chair, lad. Have yourself a pint - I'll have a half, so

I'll be upstairs, Harry, in case she calls - In case who...? Oh, aye, aye

Nice to see you, Syd - You too, Alice

Wish I could say same

Oh. Why? - Aye, why?

I shall keep my own counsel, as they say. Here's your half, lad

That's fourpence

Cheers. Good health, lads - Aye, cheers

Er... Harry, would it be possible to have a quiet word at some point?

I'm run off me feet, lad, you can see that. It's a pub, not a sewing circle

And what drags you all the way down from Halifax the one day I'm all over the newspapers, I wonder?

The newspapers? Are ya? Which ones?

Well, the Gazette

He is - It's there

I haven't seen. Is it good?

It's brilliant - I haven't finished it yet but it's good so far

I must have a read of it after - If you like, although you can buy your own

Aye, Syd used be me assistant in the hanging trade, a few years back this is,

but after a series of mistakes and minor misdemeanours, what finally broke the camel's back,

what finally caused me to have to let him go... - You don't have to, do you, Harry?

What finally put the kibosh on his assistant hanging career...

...were his commenting upon, and his laughing at, the size of the private parts...

...of a Manchester gangster we were cleaning up the body of after hanging him at Winson Green

Dignity and the basics of human respect were all we owed that lad at that sad time,

and did he get them? Off this lad? Did he bugger!

Aye, and I knew it were wrong, Harry, and I apologised at the time, didn't I?

It's just... and I'll say it again... it were enormous!

What were it? - Enormous!

In't funny! In't funny at all!... Weren't then! In't now!

But I didn't mean nothing by it, did I? I were just surprised by it

I expect more from you... on the subject of 'sacrosanct'

Weren't just long, it were wide

Have you finished?

'It were wide'...

A year later, in an incident not entirely unrelated,

he were sent to Leeds Prison six month for the sale and distribution of obscene magazines, weren't ya, Syd?

It were unrelated! How were it related? Them were fannies, not cocks! I wouldn't distribute cocks

And they were legal in Holland, them fannies! H-H-How were I supposed to know?

Any road, that's the nature of the character of me assistant Syd Armfield

Now, a quiet word, were it, S-S-Syd? - You go too far, Harry

I say 'S-S-Syd' 'cos he used to have a stutter when he got stressed, didn't ya, S-S-Syd? You probably still do

I don't know if I should tell ya now. I-I-I came here to help ya

I thought that cock were water under a bridge

Calm down, lad, I were only having a laugh, weren't I? Now what were it you were after?

I'm not after nowt, am I? I came here to be nice, didn't I?

I didn't expect to have cocks thrown in me face

Calm down you about cocks!

Come o'er here

Sit down

Sip your half

Now, what's on your mind?

Well, it's this Hennessy business, in't it? - Hennessy business? What Hennessy business?

Well, I-I-I... - Oh, here we go

I didn't think about it much at the time. I didn't think about it for a year after, the Hennessy hanging

I mean, it were a bit of a balls-up but it weren't botched, were it?

It weren't near botched. It were instant death once we got him ont' trap. Folk forget that

But, I suppose, him having so much time to talk... to protest, I suppose, and to threaten us, y'know?

Well, it went beyond the usual frightened, didn't it? - No. It went exactly the normal frightened

In the years after, I thought, I couldn't help but think... he weren't frightened. He were innocent

Oh, here we go! Is this what this is? All the way from Halifax for this shite?

And if he were innocent, we hung an innocent man, didn't we?

'Hanged' an innocent man! 'Hanged' an innocent man! And, no, we didn't hang an innocent man

I went and read every court report on the bloody case after, just to set me mind at rest

He was guilty as sin, that perve

He were a car thief, Harry. He never had anything funny with women his entire life

Well, you've got to start somewhere, don't ya?

But he were up in Blackpool the night before, a tart signed an affidavit...

'A tart signed an affidavit', by heck

...saying he were with her all night and he treated her nice

Why would he drive three hundred miles next day to do that to a girl on a beach in Norfolk?

Let's reopen the case, we've evidence from a tart!

I don't know why he did it, do I? Maybe he fancied a nice drive? Perverts like driving too, y'know

A lass were attacked in Lowestoft a year to the day that we hanged him

Oh, Lowestoft, Jesus - A year to the day, Harry

She survived. She described the fella who did it - Oh aye?

She said he looked just like this fella I were visited by this Saturday past

I don't know how he found me, but he said he had some photos he'd took, he asked me if I wanted to buy 'em

I thought he were messing with us, y'know, that he'd heard about me conviction or summat,

but they were photos of the girl on that beach in Lowestoft. And they weren't nice photos, neither, Harry

Bought them then, did ya? - No. I wouldn't buy photos like that

He knew who I were, Harry. He knew I'd helped hang Hennessy

Then he said he were heading out Oldham way, said he had some business out here

It was only last night I thought 'Oldham way', he might mean 'Harry Wade's way'

You haven't had anybody funny hanging about the pub the last couple of days, have ya?

What did he look like, this fella?

Well, he were a skinny fella, longish blond hair

London accent, I think, and well enough dressed but a sort of a... menacing look to him

Not a hard look, but a menacing look. In his eyes, like

I'm probably putting two and two together and coming up with five, aren't I?

But I thought best be ont' safe side, 'cos it's second anniversary of Hennessy hanging today, in't it?

Is it? Don't time fly?

Aye. I suppose. I dunno

There's three of us parched over here, Harry lad!

Shut your bloody noise you, ya pisshead, I'll be over in a bloody minute, won't I?

I were only saying... - Well stop saying, Bill! Stop saying

Would you like another half, Syd? - I won't, I'll be heading off, Harry

I only came up to tell you so's you'd, y'know, keep an extra eye on your Alice and your Shirley, like

But I'm sure everything'll be fine

Same again all round, is it, lads?

Aye - I'll have a whisky, Harry

You'll have a pint like everyone else and stop your nonsense

I'll have a pint

Aye, that's a good article is that, Harry. Champion!

In't it best interview's ever been printed in that newspaper ever?

I don't read it so I don't know, but I liked bit about Germans, 'cos they are swine, aren't they?

They're never our friends - And never will be. I hope

But I disagreed with bit about Hennessy hanging, didn't you?

I always thought he were a nice lad, and there were never any proper evidence agin him, were there?

No proper evidence, no

Just the word of thieves and coppers, weren't it? No actual people

Anything the matter, Harry lad?

Is there still no sign, Harry? - No. There's still no sign