Original subtitles

Hey.

How did it go?

Did you get me that sperm sample?

No, I couldn't get it.

I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to help you and my daughter out

can't get a sample from you, Brad?

I don't know. I've been back there for, like, ten minutes, and I can't get

anything working. I think you need to relax. Like, I know this is a little

weird, but I am a fertility doctor.

Yeah. Okay, I understand.

You're a mother -in -law, but... But, you know, I'm just trying. I just don't

know. I've been trying and trying. I just don't know what could...

Maybe you're stressed out.

Are you really stressed?

Maybe. Are you okay?

Yeah, maybe a little.

I mean, I don't think you understand how bad I need that sample.

How am I supposed to figure out who's the problem?

You need to loosen up a little. You're so tense.

I don't know what to do. We've been trying for a while.

Don't you want me to help you guys have a kid?

Yeah. I mean, we've been trying for so long.

I'll try anything at this point.

I know.

You know what?

Maybe you need... I need a massage. A massage? You know what? Stand up. What?

What? What are you talking about?

This is what you need.

What?

You need a massage to calm down your nerves. You're so tense.

I mean, wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I got those.

I got those.

You need to take your pants off. My mommy helped me. It'll be okay.

It'll be okay.

It'll be okay.

This is my job, Brad.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, let me at least take my pants off, and I'll get up soon.

I'll do it. I'll do it.

Okay. You got me that far. I can take off my own pants. Are you going to be

okay? It's just a massage. Yeah, I'll be fine. It'll be fine.

All right.

Is that good?

Am I good?

Get on the table. All right.

I think this is yours.

Just lay down and relax.

I need to get that sperm sample from you.

It's going to make you relax and loosen up so you can give me what I need.

Mommy knows best.

You know that.

Okay, now it's getting a little weird. Brad!

Just trust me.

Okay. Isn't that feeling better already?

Yeah, I mean, it does help a little.

Yeah? Yeah.

Maybe you'll actually be able to give me that sperm sample.

This is exactly what you needed.

Oh, your muscles are so tense right here.

Yeah?

What are you so stressed out about besides this?

The only way I'm going to figure out who

the problem is is with that sperm sample.

That's it, right? My mother -in -law with sperm sample?

Are you sure this is okay?

You know, your daughter? Am I not a doctor?

Yeah.

I've been doing this for years.

They think I have this under control.

I mean, it's still just a little weird. It's a little weird.

Trust me, okay?

It's me that trusts mommy.

There you go.

Even though I'm your mother -in -law, I'm still your mommy.

Oh, wow. Okay.

That's so weird.

You're going to have to get used to that.

So, I mean, are you sure this is okay?

I'm positive.

You need to give me what I want.

Oh, okay.

Is this your first time getting a massage?

I mean, I usually don't get a massage by my doctor, but...

It's, uh, yeah, I've gotten a massage before.

Are you okay?

Yeah, you're just going up a little high there.

If it bothers you getting massaged by your doctor, maybe I should help you

That's so weird.

Brad, you need to just relax.

Relax, Brad.

I can feel how tense this is.

I'm trying to loosen you up for that sample. Relax.

Do you mind if I take my lab

coat off? It's so hot in here.

It's making me really hot. Do you mind?

I guess not.

It's hot in here.

Just relax.

I'm still your doctor.

Okay.

Still your mommy.

Still your doctor.

Brad! What? Just relax.

Okay. As long as it's okay.

There you go.

How's that pressure?

It's good.

It's good.

You know what?

I'm going to have to have you flip over for me.

Flip over, Brad.

Yep, I can't do it.

You need to relax.

I need to get that sample. Brad, just relax. Seriously?

The only way I'm going to get the sample is if you relax.

Okay.

It's still a little bit weird.

Trust me.

There we go.

There we go.

Now you're finally relaxing.

You're going to give me that sample, right?

There's no we'll see you need to get mommy that sample

I mean, do you not want a girl touching it? No.

Jeez, I'm a doctor.

God, don't you know how many times my daughter swaps guys?

What? Are you kidding me? No.

We used to be a lot crazier back in the day.

It's fucking crazy. Do you think you can relax now?

I know what I'm doing.

I'm going to get that sperm sample. I know what I'm doing.

Relax.

I don't know about this.

I'm a doctor.

Leave it to me, Brad.

Relax.

How am I supposed to get that sample if you don't relax?

You gotta trust me, okay? Trust mommy.

What?

Just trust mommy.

Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah.

Wow I know what I'm doing

We've been sleeping since we first met.

What? He's not going to care.

This kind of stuff actually turns him on.

Oh, yeah.

He's definitely not going to care.

Yeah, whatever works, you know?

Whatever's going to help you.

Is everything better now?

Yeah. It's better. Yeah?

Mm -hmm.

There we go.

I think I'm going to get that sample.

Yeah, would this make it more comfortable for you?

Maybe a little bit. Yeah.

Let me help you out.

Okay.

Brad, I'm doing this for our family.

You sure it's okay with her?

Um, we've... Yeah, I told you.

We're definitely...

Not the Brady Bunch.

Whatever.

Like, I need to just get this sample from you. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Wow.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

There we go.

You know you're going to give me that smell, huh?

Mm -hmm.

There we go.

Oh,

the things I do for my family.

I said it.

Oh, yeah.

You're all the way.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You can't come in my back. You can't come in your freaking back?

Oh, yeah. How do you want me, huh?

To your side.

Anything to get back. Be careful.

So it's...

Don't breathe.