Original subtitles

I've noticed a bit of a slip and standard around the school.

Kids are dawdling in 20 minutes after the bell.

Should we be starting later?

Like, if we just nudge... nudge by half an hour

and give us all time to get dressed?

No. We start on time and the students have to as well.

Yeah, I agree. There's way too much dawdling.

Lots of untouched shirts and socks.

Are they meant to be pulled up or scrunched down?

People are chewing gum. It's annoying.

I don't mind the gum thing, to be honest,

because don't you find some of their breath reeks?

Yeah, well, that's annoying.

Just an example of what the kids are doing.

OK.

Maybe a big sign of all the rules by the front gate.

No one's going to read that.

I think I'd stand there and read the rules

before inching onto the school grounds.

No, you wouldn't.

If I was a kid, walking to school and I saw that sign,

spit straight on it.

I could be the school discipline officer.

Just whip them into shape.

Uh...

Guys, where is everyone?

I don't know.

Hey, ready?

Yeah?

Where are all your students?

Here.

No, where's the rest?

I think I've just got a one-on-one today.

Why would you have a one-on-one?

Because he was the only one that showed up.

How many have you got?

I've only got three.

Can I drop him off with you and I'll just...

I've got to go and pick something up.

What are you going to pick up?

A carpet.

What?

It's just that the people I'm picking it up from,

they have to go to work at 11.

Don't come over here. I don't want your students.

But I've got to go and get the high van.

I don't know why you've organized all this

on a work day.

Did you not know you were working today?

I did.

And you've still booked in picking up a carpet?

Yeah.

Oh, my. Okay.

I've got to go and see what's going on,

because I can't do PE with three kids.

Or four.

I'm not taking your student, Rudy!

Miss Patel, it's already quarter past nine.

Do you want us to be even later than we are?

That's not my problem.

I'm just going to check if you've got any outstanding detentions.

Okay, Mariah?

You've got two outstanding detentions.

Okay.

So you need to go on to the holding pen.

Holding pen?

That's not my problem.

I'm already playing.

You're just wasting your own time.

You're wasting our time with this.

What is this even meant to be?

This is meant to be order in a place of chaos.

This is ridiculous.

Everyone, sit down!

This is a sit-in protest!

Sit down!

No, stand up!

I can't talk about your carpet right now, Rudy.

What's...

Sorry, excuse me.

What's going on?

The bell went ages ago.

I've been out on the basketball court,

waiting for my class to start,

and there's no kids there.

Rudy had won.

But to be fair, I just need to really get away.

Do you think Stanley could maybe sit with all these kids?

You're not going to get the carpet, Rudy.

Okay, we've spoken about that for ages.

What's that?

That's the holding pen.

A holding pen?

They've got outstanding detentions.

I put them in there.

What happens after that?

Well, it's the first time I've done it,

so I don't know what happens after that.

I'm just feeling it out.

Can I get my kids?

And maybe if you take my kids...

No one's taking your kid, Rudy.

You can't get your carpet today, okay?

Right, I'm taking my class.

11B, we're at basketball courts.

Let's go.

Hi there.

My name's Catherine Duffy.

I'm Robyn's sister.

Oh, lovely.

And this is my son Charlie.

Yeah, I was just wondering about dropping him off the day.

Well, why don't you just drop him off at the mall

like everybody else?

Well, no, we don't want him to go to the mall.

We need him to do his exam study here.

They're not a babysitting service, I'm sorry.

You can't just drop him off at any old school.

I do appreciate that.

However, Robyn has okayed it.

Well, it's not up to Robyn.

Look, I've really got to get going.

So if we can just make this happen, that's absolutely it.

Well, look, it's not going to happen

because he's not even in a school uniform.

Sure, I think we'll have some spare ones

and lost property.

Oh, fantastic.

Stay out of it, Georgina.

This has got nothing to do with you.

Don't listen to her.

I'm sorry, but I'd love to help.

Well, never mind.

Can I just say, you...

I adore your whole look.

You have a look of Elizabeth Taylor.

Oh, thanks so much. I love fashion.

Yeah.

Oh, look.

Look, I think we can do something just today.

My God, are you joking?

Georgina goes to lost property

and gets him cutted out in a uniform.

Oh, okay.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Auntie.

How are you doing here?

Mum just dropped me off here for the day.

Of course she did.

It was my nephew, Charlie.

Yeah, he's already told us.

You tell him some fun stuff about Auntie Robyn.

What's this?

Running for council.

You can't have political advertising

on school grounds, Simon.

You can't have it inside school grounds,

but out here it's fine. This is the berm.

It's right outside the school.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's where most of the people are.

Changing young minds.

You guys want a selfie?

No, thanks.

Relentless action?

Yeah, you've got work to do.

You work every single day relentlessly.

What are your policies?

Uh, tax cuts.

We get to hold on to our money, you and me.

You know, just leave the money in our pockets

and less funding for schools.

You're on the board of trustees?

Yeah.

All right, well, you know, you have to figure it out.

There's nothing to figure out. It's here. Let's figure it out.

Uh, what's this?

My muster.

Yeah, it's not school uniform, is it?

What's... it's hair.

I need that gone.

Otherwise, I'll get a razor and I'll shave it off myself.

Okay, it'll be gone. Yeah.

What class do you have after lunch?

Social Sciences.

What room is that?

23A.

Okay, well, I'll be outside the door.

Wait outside the...

Yeah, I am. You're scrunchy. It's purple.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, purple's not the school color, is it?

Well, not nearly.

That's two detentions.

What? Two detentions?

Yeah. Do you want more?

Charlie, um, how's it going?

Fine, yeah, I'm just studying.

I got the exams next week.

Oh, cool, cool.

Hey, um, have you got your driver's license?

No, no, I've got my learners.

Oh, perfect.

I just wonder if you can give me a quick lift somewhere.

It's just out the road.

I have to remove a bit.

Oh, my God.

Ah.

Okay, now I need you to carefully drive out the gate.

You need to go a lot slower and a lot smoother.

Okay.

Just a little just like this.

Don't do that.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to go check the damage.

I think I hit my head, Aunty Robyn.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Sorry, Aunty.

Hey, I saw that.

You just wait till I get to you.

What?

If I find a cigarette on you guys,

there's going to be five detentions each.

What I am pleased about is Jarvis.

You shaved your mustache off.

But what I'm not pleased about is you sitting around here.

This isn't school grounds.

You said it. Yeah, it is.

No, the school's there, and this is outside grounds.

But the fence is there.

I know the layout of the school.

Get up.

Let's go.

All right, now we're on school grounds.

It's the same placement.

No, it's technically a different area.

So where's the boundary?

Well, it's here.

I think you're raking your shoe mess.

That's the line. Don't go over it.

Now, you're going to have to stay awake all night tonight.

The whole night?

Very dangerous if you go to sleep.

Why?

If you go to sleep, you might never wake up again.

Oh, God.

This is a new lie for you, isn't it, Robyn?

Look at you lying there. You couldn't be more relaxed.

Would you like a cigarette?

I have just been in an accident, OK?

Thank you.

Dad?

I was in a little car accident.

I was doing a favour for Auntie Robyn's.

Hey, Giles, how are you? It's Robyn here.

No, no, no. I'm in New Zealand at work.

Does your dad not know you're here?

Did Catherine not tell mum?

Why did you phone him?

Because you didn't pick up?

Well, I was in a very, very important meeting.

Meeting?

What's that supposed to mean?

Mum, I know it wasn't a meeting.

Please don't do this. It's very gaslighty.

I don't like it, OK?

I have got enough of that with your father to deal with.

He's been screeching at me down the phone.

I've got texts. I've got emails. I've got calls.

I've got shouting. I've got lawyers.

I mean, it's just absolutely horrific.

When my sister comes to New Zealand with her child,

I just assume you've told his father.

Why?

Because of the law, because of custody.

It's my week with him. I can do what the fuck I want.

Oh, God.

What was it that you were so urgently needing to do?

I actually had an MRI.

So what's the problem?

They found a smudge.

Where's the smudge?

It's around the base of my spine.

And where were you today?

I was zooming. I was doing an important zoom.

Come on. What were you actually doing today, Catherine?

OK. I had a massage. I had hot stones.

I had a mud wrap. I had a facial.

I had a little bit of Botox.

And then I went and had some Chardonnay's in a casino.

Thank you.

I had a Bikini wax booked, OK?

And I'd already cancelled the appointment twice,

and I wanted to protect my relationship with the clinic.

OK. Yeah.

Why don't we just call a truce?

Mm-hmm.

Bye for now. Bye for now.

I'm sorry.

We've never had an annual Board of Trustees update.

We had one two years ago.

Did we? Yeah.

Was I there? You were there, though.

Two at every year.

OK, all right. You're all right.

Good on you.

It's come to my attention that

someone's been putting these posters

around the school.

You all know Miss Patel is the disciplinary monitor.

She should be allowed to do her job

without this kind of stuff.

Right?

And obviously, it's a quality poster.

I mean, it's very bold.

Jared. Lovely reference to Stalin there, or Lenin.

Don't compliment it.

Yes, yes. The tyrant part,

that's problematic,

because you can't be calling

teachers at the school tyrants, OK?

Despite the lovely poster.

What's next? Oh, yeah.

Simon Smith wants to do the

annual Board of Trustees update.

But I don't recall happening, although

he maintains we do them.

Oh, yeah.

Kelda, everybody.

Some of you would have seen me around the school

and thought, who's that cool guy?

Well, my name's Simon Smith.

I'm on your Board of Trustees,

but I'm also running for local council.

Let's get a show of hands.

Who's 18? Reach right up into this guy.

Just so I can see you. OK?

So, importantly, your vote for people

that you know and you trust, people like me, people that are cool.

I'll stop there, eh? Yeah, no worries.

OK, so it's just... I'll be at the front there.

Remember, Simon Smith,

relentless action.

Thank you, mate. And we'll see you all outside.

We'll get selfies. We'll get you all signed up, OK?

No, don't do selfies with Mr Smith.

Let's get out there and vote, guys.

Right. Cheers. Thanks.

Don't shake his hand.

Simon. Good on you guys.

No, don't high-five him.

Remember, voting is called.

I've got the problem with your billboard.

The way you're behaving in assembly, it just can't happen.

Well, I'm glad you brought up the billboard,

because it's been vandalized.

In what way? Someone's put a speech bubble

and it says, I've got a small one,

which is bullshit.

Well, listen, we're not here to discuss that, Simon.

And it shouldn't be on school grounds anyway.

Oh, well, I had a chat with Jared about it,

and he said it was fine.

No, I didn't. It's got to come down, Simon.

I have a serious question to put to you, Simon.

In the bank accounts, three weeks ago,

$30,000 was withdrawn.

Then a week later, that money was returned.

Sorry, what's the problem?

For a week we didn't have $30,000.

Did you need it?

I feel like you're severely missing the point, Simon.

What did you do with that money?

Well, I put it back into the account.

So the only thing that should be of interest to the school

is what happens to the money when it's in the account.

No, that's not the way it works.

The money goes out of the account, now it's none of your business.

Then it goes back into your account, now it's your business again.

What happened, Simon, when we get audited

and they ask us where that money was,

and we go, we don't know.

Simon, I don't think miming a zip

and then throwing away the key

is going to work with the auditors when they come for us.

What were you doing with it, Simon?

Cryptocurrency.

Oh, how much money did you make, Simon?

A little bit over $20,000.

What do you think, pay for that billboard?

Look, Simon, if it wasn't so hard

to entice people to be on the board, you'd be out.

You're on probation, OK?

Right, everyone, thanks for your time.

Thank you.

Undemocratic.

Witch hunt.

What's going on?

I don't know, I just thought I could, uh,

come in, see if you needed a hand.

You think I want something from you?

100%.

OK, well, you're wrong, because I have got an offer for you.

Oh, OK.

Would you like to come to a fancy lunch with me today?

This is the scattering of the ashes lunch, yeah?

But more, it's kind of more lunch,

and then it's kind of like the ashes kind of thing.

But it's just thinking, because it could be quite nice

to balance it out, because, you know, it's Mom,

and then it's Catherine and Sarah,

and then there's me. Wouldn't it be great

if you came just to kind of balance it?

Yeah, because it can get really intense.

And I just think it'll be fun.

Intense and fun?

Yeah, no, because I think it'll be more fun

if you're all kind of there.

Oh, Robert, I don't want to get involved with all the family stuff.

It's pretty full on.

It's not full on. Oh, come on.

As long as it won't be awkward, that's all.

Are you eating the cucumber out of the sandwich?

I'm just avoiding gluten.

Can you just not put it back on the plate?

Fine.

Sorry to be rude, Vinnie.

This was meant to be family only,

and Marcus was told he couldn't come.

Vinnie's a very close friend of mine.

Yeah, but Marcus is my husband, and did no dad.

Nobody likes Marcus.

Oh, sorry.

Mum!

Hi, Mum!

Mum!

I guess she's drunk.

You look lovely, Mum.

I know.

Mummy, mummy, mummy.

Mum, I would like to introduce you to a very close friend of mine.

This is Vinnie.

Are you a husband or a random?

No, no, not a husband, Mum. Husbands weren't allowed.

Welcome to the family.

Oh, when are you getting married?

No, no, no, no, no, Mum.

It's just, like, welcome to the family.

But not really.

Yeah.

A gift of honor.

Here he is.

Little Roger.

Our daddy.

Well, not your daddy.

I used to call him daddy when we were intimate.

Can I have some wine? I'm getting very upset here.

Oh, it's my...

But moody.

Oh, yes, it's true.

Cheers, Mum.

She should eat something.

Mum, do you want a little saucy roll?

Do you like those ones?

I know.

What about a pie, Mum?

No, I don't want a pie.

When did they arrive?

They've been here the whole time.

Oh, hello, darling.

Come over and say hello to Grandma.

No, no, I've seen them.

See them later.

I think we should all share a special memory about Roger.

Go!

My special memory of Dad is when he used to read me

Gulliver's travels and used to fall asleep

during the first chapter each night.

Go!

Um...

Just do my one.

Yep.

Okay, so just when he would read Gulliver's travels to me

and he'd fall asleep, first chapter.

Go!

My favourite memory is at my wedding to Marcus,

my husband.

We did.

He cried when he walked me down the aisle.

We really didn't want you to marry Marcus.

Hurry up.

Daddy took me for a Valentine's dinner

because my date stood me up.

We had so much fun

and he told me I was beautiful

and that I would be the most successful daughter.

What I'm not enjoying is the kind of fake teary tone

that you guys are putting on,

whereas Vinny and I, when we told our story,

we just told it in our regular voices.

I feel like I owe you an apology.

Yeah.

Because that was the most...

Thank you.

That was so awkward.

Do I be teasing?

Gulliver's travels.

Nice.

I think you fully understand, like,

oh, that's good.

Like, how this is affecting me.

Like, it's really stressful for me.

And I'm keeping it together,

but your sister, Sarah,

like, the way she was smiling at me,

I was...

that close to just...

Oh, good day.

Hi, guys.

Oh, you did turn-ups.

What are we talking about here, then?

We're just talking about

how much Vinny wants to punch Sarah

in the face.

I did not...

I didn't say...

I did not say that.

It's been a lot for me down there.

I don't blame you, Vinny.

We've all been there.

Can I get a spicy mug?

Sorry, what's with the Vin thing?

Like, that's not even a name.

His name's Vinny or Vincent.

Yeah? Vin Diesel.

Solid.

Apart from Vin Diesel, though.

I mean, Vin Vendis.

That's Vim Vendis.

It's not bothering me, so whatever.

Boys, boys, can I go in now, please?

Oh, God, here we go.

Definitely want me for this next bit.

You are coming.

OK.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, everybody.

I don't know

whether I can

quite do this.

I'm...

What's that, Mum?

I think I need a cigarette.

Oh, maybe after, Mum.

No, if she wants a smoke.

It's just the second-hand smoke.

It's just not safe for Archie.

OK.

Come on, darling.

We'll just go for it, yeah.

What are you doing?

We'll just go for a walk, my love.

Mmm.

Nothing like a dairy.

What's that?

See where you get it from.

Oh, it's nicotine.

Oh, we're going?

OK, grab your smoke, Mum.

Get your smoke.

It's been a long time coming,

but we're all gathered here

to celebrate the death

of Daddy.

So, without further ado,

we are going to say

goodbye, Roger,

as he goes on his final flight

into the great blue yonder.

Goodbye, Roger!

Mum?

Yes.

What was that?

Roger.

Doesn't feel like there was enough ash.

Yeah.

Where's the rest of Dad's?

That was all of him.

No, Mum.

No, that's not possible, Mum.

That's just ridiculous.

Mum, that's not Dad, OK?

That was, like, half a cigarette's worth of ash.

He got very small at the end.

It's not Dad at all.

All right!

I didn't find the ashes.

Oh, my God.

I just thought it was a way

of getting us all together.

No, no, this is a lie,

and we have flown thousands and thousands of miles.

We'll need a reimbursement.

Haven't you loved us being together?

I had.

She's right.

It's lovely to be here together.

That's it.

So...

What is it?

I got what I wanted.

So, there.

OK, well done, Mum.

Goodbye, everybody.

You should have just invited us out for lunch.

And you would have turned up, would you?

Well, I would have considered it.

Come on, darling.

We might be able to make soccer practice.

What are you doing here?

I work here.

You don't?

You quit?

I resigned, and now I'm unresigning.

You can't.

Could you just write that you think

that I'm the best person for the job?

I'm not gonna lie.

I want to start a programme

that I'm gonna call Sons Without Dads,

and I want you two to come and be dads.

Oh.

I'd like to be on Sons Without Dads.

I think it would be a bit weird, Robert.

Where are the witches?

There's no witches.

Dad!

Good luck.